Well for the one person (you know who you are =) who reviewed the last chapter, I thank you. Since I am updating this story instead of studying for my Chemistry final, I hope those of you who are reading will take the time to drop a review. I would very much appreciate it!

Chapter title taken from the song "Touched" by VAST from the album "Visual Audio Sensory Theater"

"I looked into your eyes and saw, a world that does not exist

I looked into your eyes and saw, a world I wish I was in."

-VAST

My truck rumbled slowly along the road into La Push. On this day at the end of August it was pushing seventy degrees, a temperature that was considered downright balmy for the reservation. Jill sat beside me her head swiveling left and right as she took in all the tourist traps we were passing. As we headed out past the touristy area and drove towards my house, she finally broke the silence we had been driving in since we had entered the reservation's land.

"Wow," Jill breathed. "I didn't know it would be so beautiful here."

I looked around, confused. "What, La Push?"

Jill looked over at me. "Yes!"

I frowned. "It's okay I guess."

"You guess? Embry, it's amazing."

"I wouldn't go that far," I grunted.

Jill just shook her head at me and fell silent. I looked around the area I had lived in my whole life and tried to see it through a newcomer's eye. I couldn't do it. What to Jill was a beautiful little tribal resort; to me was the place that represented everything that was holding me back.

"Hey what is that?" Jill was pointing out the totem pole that was in front of the tribal school I had attended.

"It's called a totem pole," I said.

"I know it's a totem pole." She smacked me on the arm. "But I mean what is it? What does it represent? Does it have a name?"

"It's called a totem pole," I repeated.

Jill gave me a withering look. "Seriously, what is it?"

"I dunno it's just a totem pole," I replied petulantly.

"Do you really not know?" Her tone was incredulous.

"No, I really don't know. I mean, I guess I never cared that much to find out."

"That's kind of sad. Don't you care about your heritage?"

"Sure, the part that affects me. Though it's not totally my heritage. I mean I'm only half Quileute."

"Really? You never told me that," Jill said.

I shrugged. "You never asked."

Jill glowered at me. "Are you trying to pick a fight?"

"No." I said. "I just mean that it never came up."

"Well, what else are you? Besides Quileute I mean."

"Makah, from my mother's side."

"Then that makes your dad-"

"Quileute," I finished.

"I don't understand. If your mom is Makah and you've never met your dad, how come you ended up living on the Quileute reservation? Why wouldn't you live on the Makah reservation?"

"My mom moved here before I was born. We just ended up staying here. I never really talked to her about it."

"You're really not one to ask questions are you?" Jill stated.

"I only ask questions that I know I'm going to get an answer to." I turned the truck into the driveway in front of my house. "We're here."

Jill looked at the small house through the windshield of the truck.

I watched her carefully, trying to gage her reaction. She suddenly smiled. "I love it," she said.

I raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to spare my feelings. It's about two steps up from a shack."

"No, it's quaint. I mean at my place I sometimes feel like my family and I are a set of marbles just sort of rattling around in a huge maze, lost, never quite able to find one another. This is so nice and cozy."

I gave Jill a grin. "You'll never get lost in here, trust me."

We both hopped out of the truck and walked towards the front door. Jill stopped and looked around taking in all the little houses scattered on my street. "I didn't expect you to live in like a real neighborhood. I guess I don't know what I expected."

I pointed at my house. "Well, I live here," I swept my hand dismissively at the other homes. "And nobody else really matters."

Jill gave a hearty laugh. "You are so conceited sometimes. It makes me wonder why I ever asked you out in the first place."

I grinned. "Well you're beautiful, I'm beautiful. I'm sure it just seemed to make sense for you at the time."

"You're so humble too. I think that's the most attractive quality you have," Jill said mockingly.

She began walking towards the house again, but I grabbed her hand to stop her progress. "Wait hang on a second."

"What's up?" Jill asked, her face taking on a worried look when my demeanor became tense.

"Two things. One; Do not mention anything about Caltech. My friends don't know about it and I want to keep it that way."

Jill frowned. "They don't even know that you applied?"

"No and I don't want them to," I said vehemently.

"Embry, I can't believe you didn't tell them. I mean do you guys talk about anything besides sports and boobs?"

I made a face. "I'm not really into sports."

Jill rolled her eyes. "Fine, my lips are sealed. What's the second thing?"

"Right okay, secondly do not, I repeat, do not let my friends get to you. I love these guys like brothers, but whatever little jabs they can get in, they will. They're like that annoying person in the elevator who keeps pushing the same button over and over even though it's lit up. They'll just keep stabbing that button to see how much you'll take before you snap."

"Well I appreciate the concern, but I can handle myself. I can jab with the best of 'em."

I nodded my head slowly. "Okay, but if you want to leave at any time just let me know."

Jill gave me a sidelong glance. "You are really nervous about me meeting your friends aren't you?"

"No, no," I said a little too quickly. "It's just you know…they're guys is all."

The truth is I was petrified. I mean the pack can be a bit much to take on a good day, and Jill and I were just getting back to normal after our fight. I was worried that one of my idiot friends would piss her off and she'd run for the hills, never looking back.

Before Jill could respond the front door of the house slammed open and Jacob marched onto the porch. "You going to bring her in or do I need to assert my superior physicality and drag you in here by the scruff of your neck?" Jake gave me a huge grin.

"Holy crap, he's bigger than you are," Jill whispered to me. She had claimed to be able to hold her own, but she was now clutching my hand with a death grip, her other hand clinging to my arm.

"Don't worry he's harmless. They all are. They only attack with words." I patted her hand reassuringly and steered her towards the door.

"Jake, this is Jill. Jill my oldest friend Jacob."

Jill gave Jacob a small smile. "Hi," she said quietly.

Jacob frowned at me. "What the hell did you tell her about me that has her so scared?"

"I'm not scared," Jill said. "It's just…..I thought Embry was big, but you're way bigger and honestly it's a little intimidating."

Jacob puffed his chest out. "Hear that Em? I'm bigger than you." He gave Jill a conspiratorial wink.

I could feel Jill relaxing a little as she sensed Jacob's laid-back manner. Her grip on my arm lessened and the confidence she had exuded the first time we met started to make its way to the surface. "Oh I assure you, Embry's big where it counts."

Jacob gave her an appraising look. After a moment he declared, "I like her. She's got spunk. Oh and by the way dude, there was a toad on your porch. Don't worry though I took care of it for you."

Jill gave me a funny look and I flushed. "I don't really like things that hop," I muttered.

Jill just laughed, but I threw Jacob a dirty look as the three of us made our way into the house. Seth was sitting in his recliner watching TV. He spun the chair around when we walked in and bounced to his feet. He threw himself at Jill, jabbering away.

"Hi, I'm Seth Clearwater. I'm the one who always gives Embry his awesome relationship advice so anything good he's ever done has come from me. Anything stupid he's done, well that's all on him."

"Hi Seth. I'll keep that in mind," Jill said with a laugh.

I glanced around for Quil and saw he was standing in the kitchen, a look of deep concentration on his face.

"That's Quil," I said, pointing him out to Jill. "Quil! This is Jill."

Quil looked at me and frowned. "Be quiet I'm thinking."

"Ahh, so that's what that burning smell is," I said with a grin.

Seth and Jake both snickered.

I jerked my thumb at Quil who had ignored my remark. "What's with him?"

Seth held up a finger. "Survey says?"

Jake imitated hitting a buzzer. "Who is Claire Redpath."

Seth groaned. "Dude you just mixed game shows. You can't confuse Family Feud with Jeopardy. It's just wrong. Have you learned nothing from the Game Show Network?"

"Is Claire Quil's girlfriend?" Jill asked me in a whisper.

I shook my head. How did I even begin to explain Quil and Claire to Jill? "No, ummm, Claire is sort of like Quil's….niece, except she's not his niece."

"Like his niece…but not," Jill repeated slowly.

"More like his goddaughter, but not like a daughter, but sort of maybe like a sister. It's sort of…you know it's kind of hard to explain," I finally shut up.

Jill was giving me a perplexed look. "You know I sometimes wish I knew how your mind worked because that made not one bit of sense."

Seth gave a snort. "You don't want to get inside Embry's head, believe me. It's all very 'Being John Malkovich' in there."

I gave Seth a hard look. I knew Jill didn't understand how serious Seth was, but still, he had to be more careful about making statements like that in front of someone who didn't know we were wolves. Seth gave me an apologetic grimace when Jill wasn't looking. I forgot she doesn't know, he mouthed.

"I think I need more eggs," Quil suddenly announced from the kitchen.

The four of us turned to look at Quil.

"The hell?" Jacob said.

"Digression, thy name is Quil," I snarked.

Quil glanced at us and then gave me a bewildered look. "Huh?"

"Digression. Just go to the 'D' section in the dictionary and let your fingers do the walking." I imitated flipping the pages of a book. "You'll figure it out."

Quil sighed. "I know what digression means, Embry. I did graduate from high school." He suddenly started as he noticed Jill for the first time. "This the girlfriend?" He asked.

Jill gave him a wave. "Hi, I'm Jill."

"I figured," Quil retorted.

I glared at him. "Sorry, he's not normally this insolent," I told her. I took in the mess of bowls and pans on the kitchen counter behind Quil. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"He's baking Claire a cake for her first day of school," Jacob informed me.

"Really? He's baking? Quil you're baking?" I looked at Seth. "Have we replaced the batteries in the smoke detector yet?"

"Very funny," Quil said.

"I can cook." Seth piped up.

"Oh yes that's right I forgot," I said. "You're the Frugal Gourmet."

"No remember when I made that awesome corn custard for Leah's birthday party a couple years ago? Remember that?"

"Wow you're right. That was so amazing I can't believe I didn't commit it to memory." I rolled my eyes and returned to addressing Quil. "Quil let me give you a tip. Make sure it's actually sugar and not salt. True story." I recalled my one foray into the baking world some years ago. Suffice to say…..it wasn't pretty. I turned to Jill. "Do you want something to drink?"

Jill nodded. "Sure what do you have?"

"Arnold Palmer," Seth, Jacob, and Quil answered simultaneously.

"Arnold Palmer, what's that?" Jill asked.

"It's Arizona Iced-Tea and Lemonade. Embry buys it by the gallon. He uses it to make Long Islands." Seth told her.

"Yep, he drinks 'em like their going out of style." Jacob leaned over to Jill and mock whispered, "Embry's a total lush."

I gave Jake the evil eye. While it was true I did like to make the Long Islands from time to time, that in no way made me a lush. Besides, any alcohol I drank, my high body temperature just burned right off anyway. I hadn't been able to get a decent buzz since I was sixteen. "Ignore them," I told Jill.

"I'll just have some water," Jill laughed and sat on the couch.

I went into the kitchen to grab a water for Jill and watched as Quil stared forlornly at the Betty Crocker box. "What's the matter?" I asked.

"Well I mean it's this," Quil waved his hand at the box. "Betty Crocker needs to realize that people who don't know how to cook, like this guy-" Here Quil pointed at himself. " –need instructions that aren't in like a secret code."

"Damn that Betty Crocker and her pretentious golden cake recipe," I said.

"Shut up, I'd like to see you try and make it," Quil snarled.

"Dude, it's a box of cake mix. That's not exactly rocket science." I snatched the box from his hand and scanned the directions while asking him, "Why don't you just buy a cake?"

"Because it wouldn't be the same. I want to make it. That way it'll be special."

I handed him the cake mix back. "I think Claire will think it's special whether you bake it or buy it. She's five. A cake is a cake to her."

"I want it to be homemade," Quil repeated.

I shrugged. "Well I say just throw all the shit into a bowl and cook it. What's the worst that can happen?"

Quil gave me a shove. "Please go away now."

Jill got up from the couch and joined us in the kitchen. "Quil, I can help you make the cake," she said.

I gave her a thankful smile. As much as I love to give Quil a hard time, I was glad Jill offered to help him.

"Really?" Quil asked hopefully.

"Sure." Jill took the box and after reading it began putting together the ingredients. "I think it's nice that you want the cake to be homemade," she told him.

I watched as Jill and Quil mixed the batter and put it into a cake pan. After the cake was baking, Jill wiped her hands on a towel. "See, that was easy."

"Thanks for helping, I really appreciate it," Quil said.

I pulled Jill close and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "That was very sweet of you." I captured her lips in a kiss.

"Awwwww, soooooo cute," Quil said.

Jill turned around in my arms and smiled at Quil. "Well now that I've helped you, I want to know everything there is to know about Embry, and all of you."

"Uh oh," I said. "The ulterior motive patrol is on the job."

Jill tried to smack my leg but I hugged her tighter so she couldn't get her arms free. "I don't see what's so wrong with wanting to get to know your friends. So tell me Quil, are you in school too or do you just have a job?"

"Shush!" I said. "Don't say the word job in Quil's presence. Gainful employment is his kryptonite."

"Embry, be nice to your friends," Jill chided.

"You don't understand. I have to put Quil in his place every once in a while lest he misguidedly start to believe that any of us actually like him," I informed Jill with a smirk.

"Hardy har har har," Quil said disdainfully. "And no I don't go to school and I'm currently not working anywhere. I kind of have my hands full with Claire and the pack."

My eyes widened and I made a finger slashing gesture across my throat. Had these guys forgotten how to keep a secret? That was twice now that a reference to the pack was made.

"The pack?" Jill asked.

"What he means-" Jake walked into the kitchen. "-is that he's been helping out with the corralling of a pack of wild dogs that have been running around Olympic Park. See the tribe is sort of responsible for the part of our land that falls in the park and we've been having issues with a few wild dogs. That's what he means."

"Yes, yep. That's what I mean." Quil said quickly.

"What about you Jacob," Jill asked, apparently okay with Jacob's explanation.

"Same as Quil, helping the tribe. My dad's on the council so…."

"I'm still in high school," Seth added. "But my mom's on the council so I help her out."

"My grandpa too," Quil interjected. "I help him."

"Wow all of you help with the council? That's really interesting." Jill tipped her head back against my chest and looked up at me. "Why don't you help on the council?"

"Because my mom's not on it. She's Makah remember?"

"Oh, right. Sorry I didn't mean-"

"I know," I said.

Sensing my discomfort, Jacob jumped in. "Hey why don't we watch a movie or something."

"Good idea," I agreed. A movie would kill two birds with one stone. We'd get out of the father zone and Jill wouldn't be able to ask Seth, Quil, and Jake anymore personal questions which could lead to another slip. Jacob didn't have us under as tough of a gag order as Sam had. We knew we couldn't talk about the pack but he didn't forbid us per say. It was just sort of acknowledged that we wouldn't talk about it. And we didn't. We had gotten so used to keeping it a secret that is was sort of second nature. I knew that Seth's little slip didn't mean much and Quil's gaffe was merely because he was distracted by thoughts of Claire, as usual. It had been quite a while since any of them had hung out with someone who didn't know our secret.

Seth and Quil each took up residence in their recliners which left Jill, Jake, and I to share the sofa. Between Jake and myself, we nearly took up the whole couch. After a moment of deliberation, Jill pushed my legs apart and planted herself in between them. She leaned back against my chest and hooked one of her legs over mine. I pulled her closer and pushed my nose into her hair. It always smelled so good. It was a clean scent, like freshly laundered sheets and I couldn't help but inhale deeply.

"Dude, I'm right here," Jacob said.

"What! It's not like we're making out on top of you or anything," I retorted.

"Not yet anyway," Jill whispered into my ear.

I knew she thought she was being covert, but with our enhanced hearing everyone in the room heard what she said. Jacob's nose wrinkled in disgust and Seth and Quil tittered like five year olds.

"Can we please just watch the movie?" I begged.

Jill wriggled closer against me and I felt my body respond immediately to her movements. She subtlety moved her hand down between us.

"Well, well," she breathed in my ear. "It might be sooner than we think."

Jacob jumped off the sofa like he'd been shocked. "Hey now," he exclaimed holding his hands up. "I want no part of this."

"What, nothing's going on." I said, trying to keep my face as neutral as possible.

"Yeah do you know who's as dumb as you think we are?" Jacob asked. "No one, that's who," he answered his own question. "Quil, Seth, let's give these two some privacy before I'm scarred for life, okay?"

"No really, it's okay. You guys can stay," Jill said.

Jacob reached over and grabbed Seth by the back of his shirt while making a 'come on' gesture to Quil. "No, we promised my dad we'd help out at his place this afternoon anyway, so we'll just go hang out there," Jacob said. "We'll stay away for many, many hours."

"But what about my cake," Quil protested. "It's only been in for like ten minutes."

"They'll get your cake," Jacob reassured him. "Let's go."

"It was nice meeting you guys," Jill said with a smile. "Maybe next time we'll actually get to talk."

"Yep, sure thing. See ya." Jacob pushed Seth and Quil out the front door.

"Looks like we're all alone," I said slowly.

Jill nodded. "Yep, looks that way. Did you guys plan that or something?"

"What? Of course not. I know you wanted to hang out with them."

Jill arched an eyebrow at me then stretched up and seized my lips in a kiss. Things were just starting to heat up when the front door opened again.

Quil, shielding his eyes, popped his head around the door. "Hey guys, the timer for my cake is going to go off in like five minutes, can you please take it out of the oven?"

"Quil, get the hell out of here!" I shouted.

"Don't worry I'll get your cake," Jill promised him.

"Okay, thanks. Have fun." Quil peeked at us through his fingers.

"QUIL!"

"I'm going, I'm going, sheesh." Quil chortled and slammed the front door after him.

"Now, where were we?" My lips found Jill's again and I was just about to relieve her of her oh so annoying top when the timer on the oven buzzed. I dropped my head back against the couch cushions and groaned in frustration. "No way that was five minutes," I snarled.

Jill hopped up and walked to the kitchen. "Well it's not like it was a timer to end our little make out session Embry. I'm pretty sure you're going to score."

"Oh yeah?" I said. I followed her to the kitchen and snagged her around the middle pulling her against me.

"Be careful," she laughed. "I have a hot cake pan in my hands."

"That's not the only hot thing you're going to have in your hands," I rumbled in her ear.

I grabbed the cake pan and oven mitt from her hands, tossed both on the counter, and spun her around all in one motion.

"Anxious are we?" she giggled.

"Well you saw what five minutes was in Quil's mind. Many, many hours may translate into twenty minutes knowing those guys."

"Well, we better hurry then," Jill smiled.

"EMBRY!"

The shout jerked me awake. I shot up in bed and blinked rapidly several times, wondering if I had imagined it.

"EMBRY! ARE YOU HERE?"

Definitely didn't imagine it. It was my mother. What the hell was she doing here? I mean I hadn't talked to the woman in three weeks. I know she didn't know why I hadn't talked to her, but to just show up out of the blue? I glanced quickly over at Jill who was still sound asleep. As my mother's voice called my name again, Jill stirred and slowly opened her eyes.

"Someone here?" she asked, her voice thick with sleep.

"It's my mother," I breathed.

Jill gave me a sleepy smile. "You mean I'm finally going to get to meet your mother?"

My eyes widened and I gave her a horrified look. "Hell no," I whispered.

Jill frowned. "Why not?"

I waved my hand between the two of us. "Because the first time you meet my mother it is not going to be naked in my bed. And most definitely not right after we just…you know."

"We just what? Had sex?"

"SHHH!" I gave her a dirty look. "Do you mind keeping your voice down," I hissed.

Jill made a face. "What? Come on, Em. You're an adult. You think your mother doesn't know that you have sex?"

"Of course she doesn't know," I declared. "She probably thinks I don't even know what sex is. I mean I wasn't exactly king stud in high school."

Jill sat up, the sheet falling from the top half of her body. For a moment I was very distracted by the view.

"You're joking right?"

I slowly shook my head and tried to tear my eyes away from her body.

Jill noticed my gaze and leaned back on her hands, pushing her chest out. "So I shouldn't mention that just a little bit ago you begged me to let you-"

Her words were cut off as I slapped my hand over her mouth. "Don't breathe a word about that to anyone."

I could hear my mother rustling around in the kitchen, cabinets opening and closing in her wake. I silently cursed the fact that no one on the rez ever locked their doors. Damn us and our trusting ways.

"If we're very, very quiet, she'll go away," I whispered.

Jill pushed my hand off her mouth and pouted. "Come on, I want to meet her."

I pretended to consider that. "Let me think. Umm, no."

Jill glanced at the bedroom door, than back at me. "OH EMBRY," she sighed loudly. "Ohhhh that feels so good!"

"What are you doing?" I whispered, a note of hysteria in my voice.

Jill gave me an evil look. "OH DON'T STOP! YES! YES!"

I slapped my hand over her mouth again. "Are you insane?" I cried quietly.

"Embry?"

I heard my mother call me again, her tone much more tentative. I could hear her moving towards the hallway.

"Get up, get up," I whispered urgently.

I tumbled out of bed, hitting the floor with less grace than usual and winced at the thud.

"Embry? Are you here?" My mother's voice was almost to my bedroom door.

I frantically ran around my room in circles looking for Jill's clothes. Jill apparently did not share my urgency. She merely leaned back on my pillows and watched me desperately tossing things around my room.

I finally stopped my frenzied circles and gave her an anxious look. "You need to get dressed!"

Jill raised an eyebrow at me. "Maybe you should get dressed," she said with a smile.

I glanced down at my naked body and gasped. "Oh my God." I grabbed a pair of shorts off the floor and hastily pulled them on.

"Now you," I informed her. I finally found her bra and tossed it to her.

She rolled her eyes, but grabbed the bra and slowly put it on.

"Embry?" My mother knocked tentatively on my bedroom door.

"Hey Ma!" I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. "Umm, I'll be out in a sec, okay?"

I made hurry up motions at Jill as I found her top and jeans and tossed those at her as well. Her top smacked her in the face and she gave me a dirty look.

Sorry, I mouthed.

"Are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine Ma, I just woke up. Give me a minute, okay?"

I ran back over to the bed and grabbed Jill's top, trying to put it on her.

"I can dress myself," she snapped, her words laced with acid.

"Good. Do it, then go out my window." I went over to my window, opened it, and made a shooing motion.

Jill stopped, her top halfway over her head. "I am NOT climbing out of your window," she exclaimed hotly.

"Baby, please. I don't have time to argue with you."

"Don't 'baby please' me," she barked.

I winced at how loud she was being. "Keep your voice down," I pleaded.

"Embry?" My mother again.

I groaned in frustration. With narrowed eyes I stomped over to the bed, pushed Jill back to a laying position, and threw my sheets over her head.

"Just stay there and don't move," I said quietly.

I could see Jill shaking her head under the sheet. "Unbelievable. I mean you think she's not going to see me?"

I hurried over to my bedroom door and opened it a crack. "Hey Ma," I said, feigning a jaw cracking yawn. "I just got up."

My mother smirked at me. "I brought you boys some groceries. I would have told you I was going to do that if I would have seen you in the last three weeks," she said slowly, all the while attempting to peer around my body into the bedroom.

I moved more into the doorframe, trying to block as much of her view as possible. "Oh yeah sorry, I've been busy but that's great Ma, about the groceries, I mean. Thanks." I gave her my most charming smile.

"Yeah, thanks Ms. Call," Jill called from under the sheets.

I closed my eyes and groaned. When I felt brave enough, I peeked through my eyelids to see my mother's amused face looking up at me.

"Why don't you and your company get dressed," she said. "Then come help me put the rest of these groceries away."

"Okay," I squeaked.

My mother shook her head and walked back down the hallway. I closed my door and leaned against it heavily. With a loud sigh I turned to look at Jill who had climbed out from under the sheets.

"That wasn't nice," I scolded her.

Jill shrugged and pulled her jeans on. "Neither was shoving me under the sheets or trying to get me to climb out your window."

I sputtered for a moment. "You're right," I finally grudgingly agreed.

Jill smiled. "But see; now the band-aid is just ripped right off. She knows you're a big boy who does big boy things."

As she spoke she sashayed her way across the room until she was standing in front of me. "I think I'll keep the fact that you're a bad boy who does bad boy things to myself though," she whispered huskily. She ran her hands up and down my chest slowly, using her fingernails to lightly scrape my burning skin. God I loved that.

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Good idea," I managed to choke out.

Jill nodded slowly. "In fact maybe after your mom is gone I'll let you do that thing you wanted to do."

My lips twitched and I gave her a hopeful look. "Really?" I asked, a desperate note in my voice.

"Uh huh," she murmured, pushing herself against me.

I couldn't help the low growl that rumbled up my throat.

"Ohh, that's very sexy," Jill purred, her lips against my chest.

I growled deeper.

"EMBRY! GROCIERIES!"

My sex drive screeched to a halt at the sound of my mother's voice.

"Coming!" I called weakly. I looked down at Jill. "Well, I guess we better get this over with," I said with a sad little sigh.

Jill gave me a cheeky smile. "Don't worry. After she's gone I promise that you can-"

I clapped my hand over her mouth for the third time in as many minutes. "We can do it, but let's not talk about it with my mother in the next room. It's just too repelling."

"I never knew you were such a mama's boy," Jill laughed.

I frowned. "I'm not a mama's boy," I said with a tone of disgust.

"Embry! You flipped out at the very idea of your mother knowing you had a girl in your room."

"It's not that simple," I said. "Look, my mom and I haven't had the best relationship recently. I mean we barely spoke for a year. Things are just still a little weird, okay? That's why I didn't want you to meet her."

Jill stared up at me. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

"Because it's my business, you know, it's my personal business."

"I don't understand why you feel like you can't share these things with me," Jill said softly. "I mean we just talked about this. We have to be able to communicate or we're going to have problems."

"Look, I really don't want to get into this now, okay? Let's just go," I said sharply.

I grabbed a t-shirt off the floor and hastily tugged it on then jerked my thumb at the door. "Move it."

Jill gave me a peevish look but opened the bedroom door and sauntered down the hallway. I followed in her wake, dreading what my mother was going to say, but possibly dreading what Jill was going to say even more. The girl had no filter.

Jill and I made our way into the kitchen where my mother was unloading paper bags onto the small counter.

"Hey Ma," I said quietly as we joined her.

"Embry," she said curtly. She turned and appraised Jill. "I'm sorry my son is so rude. I'm Aponi Call. It's nice to meet you….." My mother trailed off and looked at me expectantly.

"Jill Reilly," I muttered.

"It's nice to meet you," Jill smiled. She held her hand out and my mother shook it slowly while looking Jill up and down.

She took in Jill's strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin then raised her eyebrows at me. "I take it you guys didn't meet on the rez," she said with a smirk.

"No, I live in Port Angeles," Jill said.

My mother gave me a look. "Port Angeles, huh. So how did you two meet?"

"At work, I fixed her car," I said quickly. "Can we do the groceries please?"

"Now Embry, let's not be impolite." My mother smiled at my obvious discomfort. "I'm meeting your girlfriend for the first time. Surely we can chat for a minute."

I sighed heavily. "Whatever," I mumbled. I flopped down into the sole kitchen chair and rubbed my face briskly with the palms of my hands.

"So Jill, are you in school?"

Jill shook her head. "I got accepted to UCLA but I'm deferring for a year," she said. "I want to do some travelling first. My dad's from Ireland and my grandparents still live there. I was thinking of visiting them and then maybe going to England and Scotland."

I frowned at this new tidbit of information. Jill had told me about UCLA but not about travelling to Europe or anywhere else for that matter. "You're going to Europe?" I asked a little too hastily. No need to sound desperate or anything. "You never said anything about going away." Why can't I ever stop myself? Why?

Jill gave me an impatient look. "You never asked," she stated in a matter of fact tone, throwing my own words from earlier back at me.

"Well I'm asking, I'm asking right now. How long are you going for?" Wow. Now I sounded really frantic. I could tell how attractive my anxiety was by the annoyed look Jill was giving me.

"Maybe we could talk about this later?" She said quietly.

"Well, maybe we will," I declared.

"Embry, could you give the girl a break?" My mother was giving me a disapproving look.

I scowled, but when my mother frowned at me, I quickly rearranged my face into something resembling a normal expression.

"Now," my mother returned her attention to Jill. "Where in Ireland is your father from?"

"He's from Ballyfermot. It's a suburb of Dublin."

"It must be nice there. I always wanted to go to Europe. So how did your family end up in Washington?" My mother asked.

"My dad's job," Jill said. "I was born in New York but we moved around a lot. We were in Boston for a while and then Cleveland. We finally ended up in Seattle."

I whistled. "That's a lot of moving."

My mother gave me a condemning look. "Embry, did you ask this poor girl anything about herself before you slept with her?"

"MOM!" I shouted.

Jill laughed. "It's okay Ms. Call. I know Embry's not much of a talker." She rubbed my arm pacifyingly.

"No, he's not," My mother agreed. "He gets that from his father."

I stiffened at the word. Jill sensed my tension and quickly tried to steer the conversation away from me.

"Anyway," She continued. "My parents fell in love with Washington and when my father retired they chose to move to Port Angeles."

"What did your father do?" My mother inquired.

"He was a neurosurgeon," Jill said. "Now he plays golf and tinkers around with old cars."

Still on edge, I abruptly stood up. "Well now that we all know each other, let's put these groceries away."

My mother shook her head. "I'm sorry Jill. I know I didn't raise my son to be this ill-mannered."

I made a face. "And yet." I snapped. In a huff I grabbed some groceries and began hastily stuffing things into the refrigerator.

"Embry, will you calm down?" My mother said. "You're being ridiculous."

I slammed the refrigerator door shut. "Hey Ma, remember when we hated each other and we didn't talk for almost a whole year? That was fun wasn't it? Maybe we should try that again."

I dropped my head when I saw the wounded look on my mother's face. I pinched the bridge of my nose and started, "Look-"

"I never hated you." My mother's voice was barely a whisper. She took a deep breath. Louder she said, "Well these groceries should last you boys a week or so." She patted the counter absently. "Jill, it was nice to meet you." She turned abruptly and headed for the door.

"Mom!" I called after her.

My mother ignored me and swept out of the house.

I looked up and saw Jill giving me a reproachful glare.

"I know, okay? You don't have to say it because I know."

Jill shook her head slowly. "You realize what you just did was really reprehensible, right? You're aware of that?"

"Yes, I'm an asshole. What more do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't even know." Jill began pacing the small kitchen. "I mean I look at you and I think 'how did I end up with this amazing guy?' And then you do something like this and I don't even know who you are. It's like on the surface you're sweet and funny and sensitive. But underneath, God, underneath you can be really…..you can be really cold and cruel."

"Well what do you want from me? I'm not perfect you know!"

"I don't expect you to be perfect! Nobody can be perfect, but you just lash out at everyone for no reason and that's a really deplorable coping mechanism for dealing with whatever issues it is that you have."

"I don't have issues, I'm not some damn girl," I snapped. "And I have every reason to be pissed at my mother. You don't know anything about our relationship so maybe you should just shut the hell up!"

Jill nodded, her face flushed with anger. "Okay. Fine. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to get my stuff and you are going to take me home because we're done."

"Jill, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Jill held up a hand. "Save it, Embry. That whole lashing out thing I just mentioned? Yeah, classic example, and I won't put up with being treated like that. I forgave you once. Not again."

She stormed out of the kitchen and down the hall to my bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I leaned against the counter and rubbed my eyes until I saw spots. What was wrong with me? I used to think I was a nice guy, but now I was starting to realize that I wasn't that nice at all. This was the second time someone had called me cold as I remembered Emily's words to me a few months ago. I was beginning to wonder if Jill and Emily both were right. Maybe I was just a cold, unfeeling bastard. As I was thinking this Jill came out of my room. She walked slowly towards me and stopped, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"I can't find one of my socks, so if you find it, you can just toss it," she said. "I'm ready to go now."

"Jill, can we please just talk about this?" I pleaded.

"Not right now. I honestly don't really want to talk to you at the moment." She turned and headed out the front door.

With a sigh, I grabbed my keys and followed her out to the truck.

Much like our drive into La Push, our drive back to Port Angeles was heavy with silence. I tried a few times to talk but Jill had cut me off each time and spent the ride staring distantly out the window. When I finally pulled into her driveway I expected her to jump out of the truck without a look backwards, but instead she turned on the seat to face me.

"Embry, I know that you're a good guy. But there is something going on with you that you are so angry about, that I think right now you are your own worst enemy. I know this isn't just about school-"

"It's something I don't want to get into-," I tried to interrupt, but Jill held up a finger.

"I'm not done," Jill said. "You obviously don't want to talk about whatever it is that happened with your mother, and that's fine, I can respect that. What I can't respect is you taking out your anger on me or anyone else unfortunate enough to cross your path. And all I see is you on this downward spiral of crippling resentment and fury and I know there's nothing I can do to stop it. So what I think is best right now is for you to deal with this on your own."

"I can deal with it and still be with you," I said imploringly.

Jill slowly shook her head. She reached forward and cupped my face in her hands. "I can't stand by and watch you self-destruct from the inside. I'm not built that way. You don't want help to deal with whatever is going on with you-"

"I'll let you help me," I whispered.

"I wish I could believe that, but I know you well enough to know that you don't want me to be your savior. But hear this-" Jill gazed into my eyes as she spoke. "-what you do need is to save yourself from yourself. I'm begging you to look deep inside yourself and find the strength that I know you have to dig yourself out of this darkness you're in. Please do that for me, okay?"

I swallowed hard and my words hitched in my chest as I spoke. "So there's no hope for us at all?"

Jill gave me a small smile. "Well if you ever make it to Caltech, how about you look me up at UCLA." She leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss than dropped her hands from my face and reached over to open her door. "Do me a favor though, will you?" she asked turning back to face me.

"Sure," I said, my voice thick with emotion.

"Even though you might not think she deserves it…..go apologize to your mom, okay?"

I nodded but couldn't bring myself to answer.

"Okay. Take care of yourself, Embry." Jill slid out of the truck and closed the door.

With a sad wave I watched Jill disappear into her house and out of my life.