Old
"So, Vincent, how old are you, anyway?" Tifa asked. Yuffie shot an amused glance at her fiancé of a year. Then her purple sunglasses fell down off her forehead and onto her nose.
Cloud passed Vincent another glass of whiskey, which he accepted with gratitude.
"Um, Vince is...kinda," the ninja wrinkled her nose in distaste, "old."
"Like, how old?" Tifa's voice was guarded. Another glance.
Vincent took a gulp of his whiskey-on-the-rocks, and wished, not for the first time, that alcohol affected him. "I was twenty-seven when Hojo shot me and used my body for his experiments. I spent thirty years in the coffin."
"And he's spent almost five years out of the coffin, in AVALANCHE," supplied Yuffie.
Cloud raised an eyebrow while Tifa looked aghast. "Twenty-seven...plus thirty...is fifty-seven...plus...five...You're sixty-two!" Vincent nodded mutely.
Cid swore loudly. "Damn vampire's too old! Too damn old for the fuckin' ninja princess brat, that's for damn sure!"
"Isn't that pedophilia?" asked Reeve.
Yuffie, at this point, was turning bright red, and was pressed up against Vincent's side like a cat. "Um...isn't that only if one of us is underage?"
"It's still lolican," Tifa cringed out.
Yuffie choked on her daiquiri. "Lolicon? Vincent?" After swallowing a gulp of alcohol, she defended,"Lolicon is a fetish thing, Teef, which, for your information, we are not into. However, we are in love, and it just happens to be that Vincent is...way older than me. Physically, anyway." She pulled a face.
"Many people are a great deal older than Yuffie," Cloud pointed out.
She stuck out her tongue. "I love you, too, chocobo-ass. Anyway, Vince is only like five years older than me in his head, and that's normal."
"But he's...old! No offense, Vincent," Tifa quickly amended.
He gave her a steady glare before grinding out, "None taken."
"But you two, y'know," she lowered her voice, "have sex."
Yuffie grinned. "Did your mother ever give you the talk, Tifa?"
"Ewwww!"