A/N: Back to the boys!
My beta, siouxchef, is the best. She makes my chapters look so purty. I appreciate her more than I can say, as well as the constant friendship of The Usual Suspects (tm), as I've begun to refer to them. Thanks also to TwilightMundi.
Also, thanks to the Twitter ladies who tried their very best to help me on one sticky (hehe) detail in this chapter. I went a different direction, but I appreciate their input so much.
Jasper gets a little heated and uses some slang terms I myself would not use. He's upset. Read them in context, try to feel the anger he's feeling, and please, try to understand. I promise to lecture him extensively in my head.
All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.
"I have to go soon," I said, then sighed.
"How come you're always saying that to me?" He chuckled slightly.
I smiled softly back at him and hoped he would understand. "I never plan for this to happen."
"Perhaps next time we can have a planned sleepover, then?"
"I'd like that," I said.
EPOV
"How about Saturday? You can come over and help me get ready for Bella's party, then spend the night and we can go to brunch together."
Jasper leaned down and kissed me again. His face looked slightly pained, but I let it go. We'd talked about so much already, the night felt too crowded with emotion. I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingertips and smiled, curling against his body again. "Yeah, I'll plan to spend Saturday night here. Can I see you before then?"
No sense in holding back, right? I wanted to be with him, he seemed to want to be with me, I wasn't going to pretend otherwise.
"Yeah." His chest vibrated as he spoke and I relished the feeling of being close enough to him that I could feel it ripple through my body. "I should have time later this week. I volunteer tomorrow, then Wednesday I need to work late. How about Thursday?"
I hummed in response, then kept myself tucked into his body for as long as I could. We may have even dozed off once or twice, but finally, it was time to go. Disentangling our bodies, I gathered up my clothes and Jasper pulled on some pajama bottoms from his dresser.
Parting with no fanfare or drama, just a few more kisses, we agreed to text and email until our date on Thursday. I went home and put some clothes into the wash, then ran a hot bath. I let my muscles soak and relax for a minute, then called Alice to find out about the flowers and her upcoming date.
"Hey Edward," she answered.
"Hey, Baby. How was your day? I heard you got a beautiful bouquet." I smiled as I spoke. If anyone I knew deserved to be happy, it was Alice.
"When are you going to stop calling me Baby? I'm like, fifteen months younger than you."
"I know, but you'll always be Baby."
"Seriously, Edward, how hard is it to pronounce 'Alice'?"
"When you're two? Obviously very hard, Baby."
"Moving along now. The flowers were lovely." Alice's voice raised up and I could practically see her smile over the phone. "Thank you for telling her tulips are my favorite. How're things with Jasper?"
"You're welcome, and things are..." I sighed, willing my body not to react to the visual that snapped into my brain, just at the mention of his name, while I was on the phone with my sister. "Things are great."
"Are you guys getting Bella something for her birthday?"
"I haven't talked to Jasper about it, but I'm sure he's getting her something. I'll probably get her a nice box of chocolates or something. What about you?"
"I picked out a necklace, but I'm not sure if I'll give it to her. I thought it might be fun to go to Vegas together."
"What kind of necklace?"
"Two interlocking hearts," she spoke softly.
Waiting until I'd bitten back the criticism and could form a nice reply, I tried to muster empathy for her before I spoke. "Ali."
"Edward, I know, but it's not the same. She's not Sasha, and I'm not that girl anymore, either."
There was silence on the line for several moments. Having brought up the memory of Alice's past, I felt like I sort of owed her a moment of rehashing mine.
"I told Bella about Adam at lunch."
Alice drew in a sharp breath before speaking. "You did? Why?"
"It sort of came up naturally. I felt like she had a right to know, as my friend."
Alice squealed and nearly burst my eardrum.
"I told Jasper, too," I said. "Tonight, actually."
"What did he say?"
"He was really sweet about it."
"You have that funny tone in your voice when you're hiding something," Alice said.
"I do?"
"Spill."
I knew she'd win eventually, so I relented, telling her most of the details of our night together. I gushed like a sixteen-year-old with a high school crush, taking the story from our kiss at the front door down to … well, the sex we had before I left.
"Edward's in love!" she teased.
"Guh. Don't say that, Alice. I'm not in love. I'm in deep like."
"Uh huh."
We didn't talk much longer – the bath got cold and I needed to get to bed. We agreed to talk more the next day and I fell into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning, I woke up in a great mood. I got ready and went into work. Around lunchtime, my assistant came into my office with an arrangement of sorts. I raised my eyebrow and got up, walking to where she'd set them on the credenza. Opening the card, I was struck by the simplicity of the words on the small, off-white rectangle. It said, simply, "Thank you," and had a cursive J below that.
Walking back to my desk, I smiled. Once I was seated, I looked at the base of the arrangement again. It was brown, twigs wrapping around in an intricate, woven pattern. My eyes went up to the green plants – bright leafs draped over the fuzzy moss, some short and thick and some long and thin. There were a few brown twisted twigs tucked among the living plants, giving everything height and a different texture and dimension. I could honestly say it was the most unique arrangement anyone had ever given me.
I sent Jasper an email thanking him and asked how his day was going, then dug back into work for a few hours.
Before I left, I checked my email again and swapped another with Jasper and Alice. Alice was going on and on about her date with Bella, and Jasper and I talked about getting together for coffee on Wednesday. He had to work late, but wanted to meet up during one of his breaks. I wrote back to say I had time, so we agreed to meet at the same Starbucks we first talked at, after that fateful trip with the girls to Paper Moon. I smiled as I typed, reliving the memory.
Once I got home, I took a very long, very hot shower, filled with lustful thoughts of Jasper. I got dressed in some lounge clothes, did a little more work, had some dinner, then exchanged a few more emails with Jasper. He called when he was done volunteering and we talked about some of the kids he'd worked with and his day. I was in awe of how much he gave of himself to the kids that he worked with every day, and then was in awe he still had something left to give on Tuesdays.
As much as I wanted to engage in a little more phone sex, Jasper was on his way to a late dinner with Bella and they were both in the car after volunteering. I teased him a bit, telling him a few things I wanted to do to him and with him the next time we were together, then we had to say goodbye.
I watched a movie before falling asleep on the couch. Sometime in the middle of the night, I moved to my bed. I sprawled out and thought of how much I missed Jasper, realizing that we'd never spent a full night together. We'd taken the nap after Sunday brunch, but that was different. Friday would be our first full night together, and I was looking forward to it. I fell back asleep thinking about his hard body over mine, fulfilling some of my dirty words from our phone conversation.
No surprise, then, when I woke up on Wednesday completely hard, balls aching for release. I took care of business in my shower, but knew the whole day would be spent readjusting and reminding myself of thoughts other than Jasper's cock, Jasper's hands, Jasper's mouth, Jasper's mouth on my cock, Jasper's eyes... I briefly wondered if sex in a Starbucks bathroom was inappropriate or simply de rigueur for the post-clubbing crowd. My haze was broken by my cell phone chirping with a text from Alice, excited and nervous about her date with Bella.
I'm almost positive I got very little done at work that day, my thoughts of Jasper distracting me. I took a break to walk around the block after lunch and called Alice. She was nervous about what to wear and I could hear a hint of sadness in her voice. I tried to pry it out of her, but in the end decided to let it go; Alice would tell me what was bothering her on Alice time, or I'd ask her the next time I saw her. Getting into heavy topics with Alice over the phone was never a good idea, especially when I couldn't just run downstairs to her apartment to comfort her. I got back to my office and sent her an email asking for some sibling time soon. We both had the habit of getting wrapped up in whoever we were dating at the moment and letting them take over our lives. Now that we were in the same city, I wanted that to change.
The afternoon was more productive, thankfully. In fact, I was startled from working when my phone alarm chirped, letting me know it was time for coffee with Jasper. I packed up my things and drove to Starbucks; I could've walked, but I was ready to be out of the office for the day. As I parked, I spotted Jasper's Audi and smiled. He was sitting at a table inside, sipping his drink. When I walked in, he looked up and gave me a broad, boxer-dropping smile that really did make me want to take him back to the stockroom I was sure they had somewhere. We were beyond bathroom sex, though.
I ordered my coffee and waited, trying not to stare at Jasper. I felt his eyes on me, but I'd practiced and perfected the art of appearing not-gay-at-all in public and kept my eyes on the barista. As I turned to walk back to the table, I could see him eye fucking me the entire time. Readjusting myself as I sat, I leaned closer to Jasper to greet and chastise him.
"It's nice to see you too, Jasper, but uh, maybe you could tone it down just a bit?"
He reached beneath the table and put his hand on my knee. "Don't you miss me?" He gave me his best fake pout, knowing that of course I missed him.
Genuinely upset by his behavior, I tried to convey how much it was bothering me. "Fuck, Jasper. When was the last time you were out with a guy, like this?"
"Never," he said quietly, pulling his hand back. "Why does it matter?"
Never?
"Jasper, you've never been out, like on a date out, with a guy?"
"I don't tend to ask them on dates, Edward." His reply was terse, the tension in the air increasing.
"You have no concept of what it means to be out," I whispered. "You get to lead this easy life, go out with Bella, and everyone assumes you're straight."
I could feel the anger bubbling, carrying me away. Some small part of me wanted to hold on; to not unleash the wave of fury seeping out my pores, but it seemed inevitable.
"You take for granted what it's like. You reach for my knee under the table, run your eyes over my body as I'm ordering my coffee, and don't give it a second thought." My voice came out low, even more angry than I intended. "Do you know what it's like to fear that someone's going to hurt you because of who you love, Jasper? Have you ever had someone hurl a homophobic comment at you, then worry they'll follow it up with their fists? Ever walk down the road and want so badly to hold your boyfriend's hand that it aches, but know that if you walk by the wrong person or people, the hate they spew will suck the joy of the moment right out? You take for granted what the outside world is like for us."
My diatribe ended with a shake of my head and a feeling of superiority and experience.
"Are you finished?"
Jasper's lips were drawn tight on his face, eyes narrowed in obvious anger. I nodded shortly and made a wavy hand motion for him to say his piece.
"I might not have firsthand experience being 'out and proud' in public with someone," he sneered as he spoke, "or hiding who I am, but have you completely forgotten what it is that I do every day? I hear about kids whose parents will never accept them because of who they are. I spend my Tuesday nights volunteering at a center where they practically glare at me the entire time. Do you know how many comments I've heard about 'picking one side or the other'? I'm like the fucking redheaded step-child of the community. People look down on me from both sides!"
Jasper's hands were curled into tight fists on the table, and for a brief moment, I was afraid. Mostly, I was starting to regret my words.
"The breeders don't like me because I like cock and the fags think I'm derailing their efforts to be accepted by being wishy-washy. No one accepts me for straddling both words, and so I get left out of both. Well, kicked out, frankly. Yet, here I am, giving my time, my energy, my money. I go to every damn Pride parade. I never pretend I'm anything but who I am. And, fuck you, Edward, for implying that I should live my life differently. How is anyone supposed to get used to this reality and this world if you're constantly cowering in the corner with your Abercrombie smile, pretending so hard it hurts? If I want to hold your hand, I'm gonna grab it – I don't give a fuck where I am. If I want to kiss you..." He leaned closer, pausing, and my heart beat sped up. "I'm gonna do it, because that's who I am. I live an authentic life, and I've never been ashamed of being who I am. Not when I was whoring it up, and certainly not now that I might have an actual boyfriend."
He grabbed my tie, pulling me to him. Our lips met at the center of the checkerboard table so ubiquitous to Starbucks. He opened his lips and licked across my still-closed mouth, the need almost palpable between us. Jasper let go and sat up straight in his chair. "If you can't handle that, maybe you need to rethink dating me."
With that, he stood. His eyes morphed from anger to sadness and I was just a confused mass of... Edward. He turned and left, and I ached. I simultaneously wanted to flip him off and run into his arms and apologize.
He was right, but wrong.
I let my temper get the best of me, and I was so worried about the repercussions of people finding out, of a replay of what happened with Adam, that I completely assumed what Jasper's experiences had been like.
Draining the rest of my coffee, I threw the cup into the nearest trash and grabbed my phone to call Jasper. I knew he had to work late, but I didn't care. I left him a voicemail apologizing and begging him to call me as soon as he was done. All I could do was wait and hope.
Four hours – a long soak in the tub and half a bottle of red wine – later, my cell phone chirped with a text. I shot off the couch and knocked my cell off the table trying to grab it. The text was from Jasper and I smiled. All it said was "address?" I texted him back quickly, taking an extra minute to focus through the red wine haze and make sure I typed it correctly.
The butterflies were working overtime in my stomach, knowing he was on his way. I ran around, picking up random bits of nothing. There was a loud knock at the door just minutes later, and I knew he had to be coming from work. I opened the door and he practically pushed his way in without so much as a word. I closed and locked the door, turning to see where he'd gone.
Jasper was standing in my living room, arms folded, breath heaving from his chest. I tried really, really hard to be upset and angry with him, but he just looked... sexy. On the other hand, he was having no trouble being angry with me.
"What you said today, it was completely unfair."
"I know," I said.
"I can't live like that, Edward. I can't go out to dinner with you and pretend. Or to the park. Or to your office."
He was laying the gauntlet down.
"I know."
I wanted to say more, but I couldn't. It wasn't the right time, or the right place.
He closed the distance between us, backing me against the wall. "Edward, I don't want to pretend." He pressed his body against mine and I could feel how hard he was. "I like you." Jasper leaned in and kissed me hard. "If I want to kiss you in public, I don't want to have to stop myself." And kissed me again. "I don't care who knows that I like you." And again. "Bedroom?"
His hands locked into mine and his hips pressed against me, pinning me to the wall. It took me a few moments to realize what he said, but I finally pushed back against him, letting go of one of his hands as I led him to my bedroom.
Only when we reached the bed did I realize we'd been undressing each other the entire way. Both of our shirts were off, Jasper's shoes somewhere. My pajama pants were removed at the threshold and Jasper's jeans were unbuttoned, poised and ready to slip down. I pulled them and fell back onto the bed at the same time, causing us both to laugh. The movement of his pants had Jasper collapsing above me; watching and feeling him laugh above me reminded me that I needed our bodies to be moving together again, in a much different rhythm.
I reached into the nightstand and grabbed a condom and the bottle of lube I kept there. I slid the condom onto him and looked up into his eyes, pleading, needing him to understand everything I couldn't say.
Jasper uncapped the lube and put a few drops on the condom before shifting his weight. He moved off my legs, spreading them so he was in between. I moaned and pushed forward slightly as Jasper ran the tip of his cock between my cheeks. He shifted my legs so that I was practically folded in half, legs bent so that my knees were up as far as they could be. I hooked my hands around my thighs to help support my legs as Jasper leaned down onto me.
"Edward, do you have any idea how fucking hot you look, naked, spread out, and waiting for me?"
As he spoke, he continued to rub up and down, spreading the lube everywhere it needed to be, before pressing in again slightly. He let himself push in slightly, then pulled back out. I was actually a little surprised at how gentle he was being with me; it wasn't like it was my first time.
"Please, Jasper," I begged.
He pushed in further, still nowhere near where I needed him to be, but enough to let me feel more of him.
"Oh god. Please, Jasper," I whispered.
"Please what, Edward?"
"Please fuck me."
I'd wanted and thought of him for the last several days and I was so, so ready. My eyes were screwed shut, head slowly lolling back and forth on its own, as I waited for him to press further.
"Open your eyes, Edward."
What? Seriously?
"If you want me to fuck you, open your eyes."
After speaking, he began to very slowly inch back out. My eyes flew open; the desperation in them had to be clear.
"Much better," he said. "I want to look at you while we fuck, Edward."
His face was right next to mine, his breath against my skin as he spoke. Each word he said made me even harder. The anticipation of what he was about to do had me at a breaking point and if he didn't start to move soon, I was going to resort to actual begging. I reached my lips up to kiss any part of his body I could. I kissed and licked his lips, bringing his upper lip into my mouth and sucking gently. I could feel his legs moving, hips flexing, as he entered me slowly again. With each centimeter he pressed into me, I became more frenzied with need.
I rocked my hips up, hoping to bring him in further, to feel the friction deeper. We both let out deep gusts of air once he was buried as far as he could be.
"Fuck. You feel so good, Edward."
I shifted my hips again, a silent plea for him to begin moving. He withdrew and pushed back in me slowly. He kept going with slow, measured strokes. I appreciated that our first time together, hopefully the first of many, was filled with need and perhaps the beginnings of love.
Jasper was covering my mouth with kisses, stopping to bite and nibble my neck periodically. I knew he was getting closer, unable to hold back, increasing the tempo of his thrusts. The way his body was dragging against mine was maddening, his skin barely skimming the surface of my dick. I brought my hand between us and wiggled it under his body to stroke myself as he moved. His breathing got rough and ragged and I could feel him pressing as hard into me as he could with each down thrust, pulling back only a short distance.
He moaned and I could feel him throbbing inside of me, letting go. After a few moments, his movements slowed and I lowered my legs as he slipped out and our connection was lost. He was panting in my ear and I shivered. Making love, having sex, it was always the most intimate you could be with someone and I wasn't the kind of person to hop into bed with just anyone; in fact, I'd known Jasper the least of any guy I had ever been with. I was stuck inside my brain, thinking about him when I realized he was biting my neck rather hard.
"Ouch!" I slapped his shoulder playfully.
"Now you're in pain?" he laughed.
I kissed him softly and slowly, wanting his breathing to come back to normal before we moved on. I needed to look at him and see if he was feeling even a fraction of what I was. I didn't want to stop what we were doing, but I couldn't lie to myself; it would definitely alter what happened next. I used my hand to tip his chin so he had to look in my eyes as we kissed.
I was genuinely surprised when we looked at each other; he looked lost. Confused. I brought my hand up to cup his cheek. I wanted to reassure him, to let him know that it was okay. I suspected that he'd been lost for so long in his love for Bella that he forgot he had needs too. Not physical needs, he was clearly meeting those himself or getting them met somewhere, but emotional needs. Everyone needs to be touched lovingly, to feel a soft whisper at their neck, to be a part of a kiss that means more than words could ever reveal.
In between my kisses, I whispered, "Jasper, are you okay?"
He was still lying between my legs, our bodies slick with the sweat mingling between us. I could feel his heart beating against my chest and I was sure he could feel mine. He tilted his head and slid down a bit, resting on my shoulder. I began to run my fingers through his hair, stopping to scratch his scalp now and then, my attempt at a reassuring gesture.
"I just need a minute, sorry."
"It's okay," I said. "Take all the time you need."
I slowed my hand to a rest, fingers tangled in his hair. He took a few deep breaths and then I could feel and see him shifting on top of me. I saw him fling the condom into the trash as he moved back up my body and kissed me softly, the previous look gone from his eyes. He was back to the normal Jasper I was used to, but there was a subtle difference I couldn't place.
"Edward," he said, tugging the lobe of my ear with his teeth, "did you say something the other day on the phone about fucking me?"
I couldn't help the stupid smile that spread across my face.I pushed my still-hard cock into his abdomen and moaned softly, right in his ear, before whispering my response. "I did, and I still do intend to fuck you, Jasper. Are you ready?"
"Mmhm."
I wrapped my arm tightly around him and rolled us over. I gave him what I hoped looked like a predatory grin, then began kissing down his hard body. I started at his face, kissing his lips and trailing down to his chin. I tucked under and kissed his neck, then his shoulders and across his chest to his nipples, which I stopped to lick and suck. His sounds were music to my ears and I could feel myself twitch with anticipation at each one.
Once I got to his hips, I nibbled slightly and slipped my legs off the bed, pulling his body closer to the edge of the bed. Jasper let out a gust of air in surprise at my actions. When I had him in the right position, I realized I hadn't thought ahead enough.
"Jasper, roll over and grab me a condom, please?"
He did as I asked, sitting up to roll the condom down on me, then placed the bottle of lube discreetly next to his body. I closed my eyes and sighed softly, letting myself enjoy the feeling of his hands on my body. Once he was done, he laid back on the bed, legs dangling off the edge on either side of me.
I looked at him and lifted his legs to rest against my body, ankles near my head, his thighs pressed into my thighs. I ran my hands down the side of each leg and when I got to his body, I cupped his balls and scratched my nails across them lightly. Jasper arched his back and his eyes closed, his breath coming in sharp gasps.
"Ugh, Edward," he said.
His turn to beg, perhaps?
"Yes, Jasper?" I feigned innocence. I moved my body slightly, rubbing my hard cock against him.
"Edward, stop teasing me."
I laughed. "Where's the fun in that?"
His eyes opened and he shot me a dirty glare. I winked at him and reached out for the bottle of lube. I squeezed a drop onto the tip of my finger and brought it to his body, teasing him with my fingers. Once I was satisfied I wouldn't hurt him, I wasted no time pressing forward and entering him. I went faster than he had, and was definitely not as gentle as he was, but I wasn't rough either.
I felt his muscles tighten around me several times and noticed that his eyes were closed again. His face was beautiful – relaxed, but anticipatory at the same time. Both of his hands were up at his head, gripping handfuls of the pillow. Wanting to make the moment last, I slowed my pace. I kissed his calves and ran my hands up and down his legs as I moved myself in and out of his body.
After several minutes of hearing him moan and watching him run his hand up and down his erection, I pushed as deeply as I could go. I reached out for him and put my hand over his, both of us stroking him to another orgasm. The sight of him spilling onto his chest was so fucking hot and sent me barreling into my own orgasm. I slowed and then stopped, pulling away from his body only long enough to dispose of the condom.
Walking back to the bed, I could see Jasper had already climbed under the comforter. He was lying on his side with his head on my pillow, eyes closed. I slipped in beside him and lifted his upper arm to get as close as I could. I was exhausted, in every sense possible, but didn't want to just fall asleep.
"That was... unexpected," I said. "Can you stay the night?"
"Yeah. I'll just go home in the morning, if that's okay with you?"
"Of course."
I turned my head, resting it against his chest, and sighed. I cursed the need for a job, for eating, for everything and anything that was going to pull me out of this moment and away from Jasper. I wondered if we were still going to have our date the next day, and what things would be like after this night of firsts between us – first real fight, first real makeup, first … fuck? Love making?
I laughed softly when I heard him begin to snore and took that as my sign to follow him into sleep.