A/N: Many thanks to my betafish, TwilightMundi, who is so fucking awesome. Thanks to My_Never on twitter for supplying Alice's date gift.
PLEASE NOTE – There won't be an update next Wednesday, July 27. I have ComicCon, and then a weeklong family trip, and I just don't think I'll have time to get the next chapter properly written. I apologize.
I own nothing except my dirty little mind. All copyright and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.
Once we were buckled in and Alice reminded me of the directions to her place, I turned to ask her the question I had in my mind the entire afternoon.
"Alice, what did you mean when you said your family wasn't used to seeing you with a woman?"
"It's kind of a long story," she said softly.
I hesitated. I wanted her to tell me, but I also wanted her to tell me on her own time, when she felt comfortable enough to trust me.
"Okay, well, when you're ready to tell me..."
Her hand covered mine, small and cold against my skin. Turning my palm up to lace my fingers with hers, I smiled at her once we were at the stop light. Her face was painted with so many expressions, it ached just to look at her.
"I want to tell you," she said. "I want to talk about it, but it's still your birthday weekend and I still want to focus on you."
"Finding out whatever it is on Monday isn't going to make it any easier. I just don't want to spend the next few hours being stressed and cranky. You coming over to stay the night?"
"I'm sorry Bee, I can't."
I raised an eyebrow as I turned to look at her again, safely parked in front of her building. "Oh yeah?"
Her whole face lit up with glee. "I have a few appointments tomorrow to look at space. I've started looking into what it would cost to run a studio."
"That's amazing, Alice! Is there anything I can do to help you?"
"Yeah, actually," she said. "Will you have a business dinner with me tomorrow and help me figure out contracts and stuff?"
Leaning over, I kissed her. We'd spent the weekend together and it was almost perfect. The least I could do after all she'd done for me was look over a few contracts.
"Of course."
I got out of the car and opened the trunk, reaching in to grab Alice's suitcase for her.
"Want me to walk you up?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'd like that."
She smiled and put her hand back in mine. Once we were in the elevator, she stood between my legs, facing me.
"Did you have a nice birthday weekend?"
"Yeah, baby. Thank you."
Our lips touched and I had to hold myself back from pressing her against the elevator wall and doing dirty things. I ran my nose up the side of her neck, inhaling her scent, the soft soap and lotion smell overwhelming my senses. Turning my face, I sprinkled kisses on her neck and heard her moan quietly.
The ding of the elevator reminded me where we were, and we laughed for a minute before rushing to stop the already-closing-on-us doors. When she'd unlocked her apartment door, she paused for a minute, then turned to kiss me again.
"I had a nice time this weekend. Thank you for letting me give you a birthday party, Bella."
My hands slid around her waist, then down to her hips as our lips continued to move together.
"Thank you," I said, giving her one last kiss. "See you tomorrow?"
Alice nodded, then opened her door and disappeared behind it with a smile.
I spent the night getting ready for the upcoming week of work, just like every Sunday before. However, I eagerly anticipated the workday for the first time in a long while. As I was lying in bed that night, I realized I'd lost my passion for my job, and somehow, it was slowly creeping back in.
Monday morning, I arrived at work to an email from Rose asking if I could ask Alice to join us for lunch. When I explained that Alice had appointments all day to look at spaces, we agreed to try for Tuesday. I arranged it with both of them, and tried to get Rose to tell me more about why she wanted to have lunch with us, but by then Alice had apparently talked to Edward and agreed it was a good idea we all sit down and chat. I was frustrated at being the only one in the dark, but there was nothing to really do about it since everyone had cockblocked me for more info.
Alice had invited me to her apartment for dinner to look at the few contracts she'd gotten from her afternoon. She'd only had time to see two spots, so it was a fairly short amount of time we actually spent looking at paperwork. The rest of the time we spent kissing and touching, then lying on her couch making out like teenagers.
All-in-all, a great night. I was still nervous about whatever was going on with Rose and Alice, though, so I didn't sleep well at all. In the morning, I was grouchy and cranky, taking my frustrations out on poor Angela.
When Alice showed up in my doorway, I smiled and sighed. It was as if seeing her just made things that much more tolerable. Rose was in my office shortly after, and the three of us went to a cute little deli around the corner.
Once we'd ordered our food, Alice began. "So, Rose, I know what happened on Sunday. I just want to say I'm sorry. There's really no excuse, but Emmett is a good guy, despite the first impressions."
"Wait," I said, interrupting slightly. "I need to know what happened."
"Emmett thought I was a whore," Rose offered.
I couldn't believe my ears. "What?" I looked at Alice; surely Rose had misunderstood.
"It's true. Emmett is … he's a dumbass," Alice said with a sigh. "He thought we'd hired Rose for him since Edward and I were both bringing people home. He knows our parents want him to stop being such a manwhore and just date someone already."
"Okay," I said. "So what's his deal? Why doesn't he?"
Rose leaned forward slightly and looked surprised, as if she'd never stopped to consider the why behind Emmett's actions.
Between bites, Alice explained. "In high school, Emmett was madly in love with this girl named Lauren. They were always together, but she wanted nothing more than to be an actress. We all thought it was kind of cute, then when she got pregnant a few months after they got married, she freaked out. All she could focus on was how she was destroying her body and how she'd never be successful. For a while I was worried that she'd actually hurt herself, but Emmett seemed to help her through it."
Alice paused and took a sip of her drink and a deep breath.
"When Hannah was one, Lauren cheated. She said she didn't know who she was anymore, and despite what we all thought, Emmett told us she wasn't getting better, just worse. She was dieting, taking pills, doing whatever she could to keep losing weight. The day after Hannah's second birthday, Lauren left. There was a brief note Emmett has, but aside from that, she just walked away."
What. The. Fuck?
I couldn't even imagine. I pictured Hannah and tried to wrap my mind around anyone wanting to leave such a smart and loving little girl.
"Emmett doesn't want her to have to go through that again, so he's just made this stupid decision that he won't let anyone get that close to her ever again. Rose, it had nothing to do with you personally, like I said, he's just a dumbass."
Rose gigglesnorted at Alice's repetition of her opinion of Emmett.
"He actually texted me to say he was sorry about what had happened, and asked if he could take me to lunch to make it up to me," Rose said. "I have no idea what to tell him, or even how he got my number. Any ideas?" she asked, looking right at me.
Holding my hands up, I protested. "I had nothing to do with it."
We both turned to look at Alice, who shrank back in her chair, guilty expression written all over her face.
"When you got up to use the bathroom last night I looked on your phone. I knew Emmett's intentions were good, though, and I was hoping you'd say yes."
Her puppy dog eyes that were like Kryptonite to me seemed almost useless on Rose. I had to laugh. If ever there was someone that couldn't be talked into doing something they didn't want to do, it was Rose.
"I'll say yes," she said, surprising the hell out of me.
"Really?" Alice and I said in stereo.
"Sure," Rose said, shrugging. "Why not. I mean, he seems sincere, and hey, free lunch."
Narrowing my eyes at Rose, I tried to figure out what the fuck was really going on. There's no way any other dude could have called her a hooker and she'd have just agreed to have lunch with him. Maybe Alice's explanation had actually smoothed things over, or maybe Rose saw something more in Emmett – I had no idea, I was just glad she'd agreed.
"Huh," I said. "You surprise me, young one."
"Pardon me, I do believe I'm the wise and respected elder here," Rose shot back.
The three of us dissolved into light giggles, enjoying the rest of our lunch with a newfound sense of lightness and friendship. It was easy to be around both of them at the same time, a fact I was grateful for. It was easy and fun, and that was the way it was always been meant to be, I realized.
"Gonna make Emmett pay for his mistake?" I asked when the food was all gone.
"Fuck yeah."
She told us about the fancy place she told him he could take her to, and how she'd suggested it should be dinner on a Friday night – a real and proper apology. I could tell she was slightly excited about the prospect of having a date, even if it was with the someone she initially thought was a douche.
Work flowed for the rest of the day, and I realized once I was done with volunteering with Jasper and back home that I had no immediate plans to see Alice again. I texted and asked if I could take her out that upcoming Friday night. It surprised me when she said she couldn't because she already has plans with Edward, but I tried to not be hurt. Instead, we agreed on a Saturday sleepover and Sunday brunch, then our conversation dissolved into dirty sexting.
By the time Friday rolled around, I was chomping at the bit to leave work and have two days of unplanned, unscheduled bliss. I was very much looking forward to my date the next day, but also to the time I'd be spending with Jasper that night. We'd agreed, since Alice and Edward were busy together, to hang out. I was glad and grateful, as I hadn't seen Jasper much in the last few days. Sure, we saw each other when we volunteered, and at the gym in the mornings, but those moments always had purpose.
After work, I threw on my yoga pants and texted Jasper to see what he wanted from the Thai place that delivered. We ate, then curled up together on the couch and watched a movie, just like old times. During the silence after the movie, we talked about Edward and Alice, and how each of us was progressing. Jasper talked about work and his car, and we drifted into other topics like the economy and politics as we snuggled together in my bed.
When I woke up Saturday morning, it was to a text from Alice asking me about what time we were getting together. Apparently she'd planned a date for us and wanted to know if the timing would work to see each other beforehand. We arranged for her to pick me up at my place, and I smiled when the doorbell rang at the designated time.
I answered the door and Alice had a bakery box in front of her.
"Cupcakes," she said. "For later."
The smile on her face told me there was going to be more than just eating the cupcakes involved, and I smiled back. Quickly putting the cupcakes in the kitchen, I stopped for just a second to stare at her out of the corner of my eye. Even in plain jeans and a sweater beneath her jacket, she was gorgeous.
We exchanged a brief kiss before she tugged my hand outside. When I spotted her new car, I squealed.
"So cute, Alice!"
She just had a smug smile on her face. "I know, I know. Want a ride?"
"You know I do."
At the double entendre, we giggled and hopped into her brand new convertible VW Bug. She drove us to the restaurant, and we sat through dinner laughing, talking, and holding hands. We'd sneak a kiss here and there, and when we were finished and the bill was paid, I couldn't have been happier to get her in private, all to myself.
Alice drove us back to my place and brought her bag in with her. When she was inside, I took her jacket and hung it up, then pressed her against the wall.
"I've missed you this week," I said. My lips connected with the soft skin at the nape of her neck, right where her perfume was concentrated, and I let out a deep breath of warm air against the wet spot I'd left.
"I missed you too."
As she spoke, her hands went beneath my sweater, cold skin against warm, and I gasped.
She smirked at me. "Ready for dessert?"
"Why don't you go grab the cupcakes and I'll start a fire?" I suggested.
We parted ways to work on our designated tasks. By the time she was back with the box, the fire was building. Opening the box, I pulled out what looked like a strawberry cupcake, with a slice of the red fruit on top of the frosting. I ate the fruit first, then dipped my finger in the frosting and offered it up for Alice.
Her lips wrapped around my skin, sucking and tonguing the sticky sweet frosting. I imagined all the acrobatic positions we could fuck in, how I could bend her body and make her scream. In the end, though, what happened was much less exciting. We fed each other bites of cupcake, selecting small nibbles from each, and kissed. Alice sat in my lap and we shared dessert, then moved to the bed.
Between my legs and arms, I held her tight, touched her carefully and slowly, then sped up and made her moan. We'd learned so much about each other over the few weeks prior, and I used every weapon in my arsenal of knowledge to make her feel as good as possible, before she did the same. It wasn't acrobatic, it was just lovely and romantic. It was emotional and passionate, and I felt like I was falling so much harder and deeper for her.
The sun had long ago set, and Alice laid in my arms as my fingers ran through her slightly damp hair. We'd taken a shower and crawled back into bed, exhausted and happy.
"Whatcha thinkin' about?" she asked.
"Truth?"
"Yeah. Always."
"I was thinking about your ring," I said. "Did you buy it, or was it a gift?"
Her eyes seemed to search mine before she answered. Her voice was quiet as she explained it was a gift. I sensed her hesitation, but also that she wanted to be open and honest. She'd started the conversation, after all, so I pressed a little.
"From whom?"
Alice's eyes closed and she took a deep breath.
"Remember when I told you my family wasn't used to seeing me with a woman?"
"Yeah," I said.
"See, Edward came out when we were in high school. I know it seems like my parents are the pictures of acceptance now, but back then, they weren't quiet so ready to face the facts. My mom cried all the time. She didn't know I heard her," she said. "I knew back then that I was gay too. I mean, I was fifteen and I'd never even looked at a boy that way, but had already had a crush on a few different girls. It was a struggle those last few years of high school, and so I pretended a lot. I pretended to be straight because I thought it was what my parents wanted. I pretended to be happy because I didn't want to see them in so much pain anymore. I pretended to be a whole different me."
"That sucks so much, Alice. God, I'm sorry."
"You know what? I long ago gave up being sad about those years. They made me who I am today, you know?" Her eyes crinkled and a small smile lit up her face. "Anyway. So, in college I was dating this guy Trevor. He was nice enough. Handsy, but nice," she said, laughing. "He was a good guy, but I think even he knew we weren't destined to be together for long. I had really committed to the straight thing, though, and I wound up pregnant."
It was as if I'd suddenly been punched in the gut. The air seemed to leave my lungs, and I briefly felt dizzy, even though I was lying down.
"Bella," she said quietly. "You okay? There's more to this story."
"Yeah. Jesus. I'm just … it's a lot to take in."
She looked so fucking sad as she spoke. "Imagine living it." I immediately regretted what I'd said, but I couldn't take the words back.
"Please tell me the rest?" I asked, placing a small kiss on her lips.
"I didn't want to have an abortion, even though that's what he wanted. I wasn't ready to raise a child, especially not with a guy I'd known six months who was essentially a fake boyfriend for my parents' sake. The only thing going for me was that I was able to take a semester off and still graduate on time by making up courses during the summer and such. I hid my pregnancy as best I could from my parents and begged Edward not to tell them. After Brandon was born and his adoptive parents took him from the hospital, Edward was there, reminding me what a great thing I'd done. He took me back to my place, cared for me, and gave me this ring."
She held her hand up, twisting the shining green stone around on her finger.
"He told me that my son would always be with me in my heart, and gave me this to remember him. I tend not to wear it anymore, but I seem to put it on during the month of October, when I ache for him the most."
I had no idea what to say, how to feel, or how to react to what she'd said. It obviously didn't impact or change how I felt about her in a negative way, but I still wasn't certain how to best support her.
"Alice, that is seriously intense. How old is he?"
"Six," she said quietly.
"Wait. He's the same age as Hannah?"
"Yep."
Her body was tense in front of me, her eyes still closed. Tears leaked out of them as she seemed to wait for something.
"That must've been so difficult," I said, then felt like a complete douche. Obviously it was difficult. I mentally berated myself, trying to think of something better to say. "Do you regret it?"
Alice opened her eyes and looked at me. "Not a single day of my life. Does that make me terrible?"
The tears began to flow faster and harder as she waited for me to respond and, I assume, what she worried would be my judgment.
"No fucking way. You did such an amazing thing. That family... you gave them a really beautiful gift."
"I know."
Her body shook, a sniffle followed by more sobs, as she visibly let go.
"It's okay," I soothed. "I know it hurts, sweets. I know."
I didn't know, exactly, but what I knew was that I could feel her pain as viscerally as she did in that moment. I ached and hurt for her, and I wanted to do anything I could to make it better. For what felt like hours, I held her and did my best to allow her to be okay being sad.
Imagining what it would feel like to hold such a deep secret was impossible for me. Nothing I'd been through could even remotely compare. I had so many questions for her, too. Like when she finally came out to her parents, and if that was part of why she'd moved back home. It wasn't the right time, though.
When she slowed down her crying, I covered her in kisses and wiped away her tears. Our bodies were tangled together, as close as we could get, and that was exactly how we fell asleep.
In the morning, I got up before Alice and made a pot of coffee. I was dipping cinnamon raisin bread in French toast batter as she snuck up behind me.
"Good morning," she said, yawning at the end.
I turned to face her, both of us smiling. "Good morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?"
She wrapped her arms around me and burrowed her face into my chest, as usual. "Mhm. Can I help?"
"Nope," I said. "Just go sit down and I'll pour you a cup of coffee and some juice, if you want. Breakfast will be ready in about half an hour."
"'Kay."
While I'd put on a robe to make breakfast, Alice was still completely naked, and the sight made my body hungry for her.
Instead, I finished what I was doing and served us both a plate of yummy food. I sat next to her and, like usual, we spent just as much time kissing and touching as we did eating and feeding each other. She fed my soul and my heart as well as my stomach in those moments, and I couldn't help but be stupid giddy.
Our food gone, we sat in quiet for a few minutes, until Alice took a long gulp of her coffee.
"Thank you for being so understanding."
"Alice, it's not about being understanding. You were doing what you thought was the right thing with your parents, and then for your child. That's bravery beyond measure. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," she said. "Of course."
"When did you finally come out to your parents?"
"Well, after Trevor, I knew I couldn't fake it anymore. I'd given up a piece of myself when I had to give my baby away, and there just couldn't be a 'next time.' I couldn't emotionally do it anymore, all the lies, all the guilt. I told them the following spring break, when I went home for a visit."
The corners of her mouth turned up into a playful grin, and I was confused. "Wanna know what Mama PFLAG President said?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said, smiling back at her.
"She said 'duh.' That's all I got! Years of worry and terror, and I got 'duh.' I still tease her about that. But it was a bumpy few years of college after that, dating women and finding my way. This is the first time since I graduated high school I've lived by them, so it's been an adjustment."
"I bet."
"It's nice, though. I love my parents so much and they just get me. My mom is amazing and so supportive. What about your parents?"
"My dad died a few years ago in a car accident," I said quietly. "My mom? She's not the PFLAG president, that's for sure. She moved to Florida to live with her new husband, Phil, a few years ago."
The short conversation with Alice made me realize that I needed to call her to check in. After my dad died, she'd fallen into a deep depression, so I was grateful for Phil in that sense, but he was so much younger and I wasn't sure it would last. I hoped it would, for her sake, but I worried it wouldn't.
"I'm sorry she's not a better mom," she said, taking my hand in hers.
"Oh well; it is what it is, you know? She's been through a lot."
"Still."
I shrugged and nodded, then let Alice stand and take me with her back to the bedroom. Naked, bare of our secrets, she laid me down on the bed, pushing my collarbone slightly. I briefly wondered if I'd ever felt so vulnerable ever, but the thought flew out of my head just as quickly as it had entered when her mouth touched my skin. It was everywhere at once, all over where I needed her, and then it was at my mouth.
When I could look into her eyes, I smiled against her mouth, then felt her lips tug into the grin I love. For the first time in my life, I made love to a woman. For the second time in my life, I allowed myself to be thoroughly and completely loved by someone.