ELEVEN
"Remember… It's always your new thought that creates your reality. Always" – 'Conversations with God' Book 2
"What are you talking about, Doctor?" Martin was still sat down on his deck chair but was now lent forward, his elbows resting on his knees.
"Well…" The Doctor began.
"Are you saying that everything I have seen and everything you have told me is a… lie!" Martin's voice was raised. This was all way too much for him now.
"Well, if you…" The Doctor tried to continue.
"Because if it is, Doctor, I'm not happy about it! I'm not happy about it at all!" Martin's face was full of hurt and anguish and was somewhere between red and a deep, dull grey in colour.
"Well, if you just let me…" The Doctor tried again.
"I just can't believe you've done this to me! All this time you've…" Martin's head was shaking.
"If you just let me finish!" The Doctor literally shouted the words out. His voice echoed around their craggy surroundings and Martin could have sworn he even saw heads turn in the city below.
The Doctor composed himself, gently put his book face down on a soft clump of grass, tugged at his coat collar and then, slowly, returned to his usual calm demeanour. He sat down casually in the deck chair next to Martin and lowered his voice to just above a whisper.
"What you have seen and been told is not a lie… but, then again, it's not a truth either… It's a possibility… A perhaps and a maybe… And, most of all… it's a thought…" He looked around at Martin almost casually "It's your thought, actually"
Martin was almost breathless. "What? What are you talking about? I've never thought these things before in my life!"
The Doctor looked away, stood up once more, buried his hands in his trouser pockets and twisted the tip of his plimsoll into the soft sand under his foot.
"Oh, I know you don't think you have, Marty… but you have. You've just forgotten that you have" He gazed out at the city below "You're a big sci-fi fan, Marty, and you have been all your life… Stuff like this has been on your mind for years and years. You've always had your head in the clouds or stuffed in an 'Alien Encounters' or 'Ancient Myths' book. Tie that all in with some door stop encounters with Jehovah's Witnesses, a literal translation of Biblical passages and your own morbid fascination with 'End Times Prophecy' and… 'Bingo' … Instant 'Alien God of fear' complex!"
He tilted his head to look towards the sun, squinted and then continued, "So you made it all up… this whole thing… with the power of your own thought. You gave yourself this whole experience and made yourself believe all these fearful things. That's how powerful thought is, Marty. Never underestimate the power of thought!" The Doctor spun around and raised his eyebrows as he stared intently at Martin's still shaking head. "You did a good job, though, putting it all together! Top marks for effort and all that! You even had me convinced at one stage!" He shrugged his shoulders as if admitting infallibility, "But only for a second, though!" He added with a smile and then walked around the back of Martin's chair "You see, you've always wanted to tie it all together… Get some answers…" He nodded over at his TARDIS "And you've always wanted to go on a trip through time and space with me" The Doctor beamed his broad smile down at Martin's confused face.
"I have no idea what you are talking about, Doctor" Martin couldn't shake his head any more if he tried. "I've never even seen you before in my life! This is madness! How can I have forgotten all of this?" His eyes implored The Doctor's for truth... The Truth.
"Because we made a deal, Marty" The Doctor's voice was calm and low. "The only way to do this was for you to forget everything you thought you knew… You had to have a 'clean slate', as it were… And an open mind… An open soul… For this to work… Otherwise… Well, just what would be the point, eh?" He shrugged his shoulders and lowered the sides of his mouth.
"But why would I make myself experience my worst fears about God if they weren't True? Why would I choose to forget… and then make my self experience all of my 'forgotten' fears as a terrifying reality?" Martin's voice was brittle and cracked as he spoke.
"Well, that's one of the biggest mysteries of mankind itself, isn't it?" The Doctor said, breathing in sharply. "Why do you all draw all of your worst fears towards you? You all do it…. Well, maybe not all of you and maybe not as literally as all of this, but a lot humans dwell on negativity and fear… That's one of the many reasons your world is in the state it's in"
He suddenly spun around on one leg a full 360 degrees and then stopped himself abruptly in the exact same position he was just stood in. He winked at Martin cheekily and smiled with his big toothy grin
"And I'm here to help you dwell in the positive and love!"
"I don't get it… I just don't get it at all" Martin's head was spinning at an incredible rate. He could feel his grasp on reality slowly fading…
"I know you don't get it, Marty, but that's fine… that's cool. But you will 'get it' very, very soon… And in that moment your soul will jump for joy" The Doctor smiled his very best smile "Everything is how it should be… The plan's working… The pieces are in place…We are the right people in the right place at the right time. There's more going on here than just 'An Adventure in Time and Space with The Good Doctor'!" He said in his best 'Film Trailer' voice. He then tapped Martin on the shoulder and the tired man look around slowly. The Doctor leaned forward and put his lips just inches from Martin's left ear. "You're going to love how all this ends… believe me. You'll be knocked out by how clever we've been"
Martin looked at The Doctor sharply, his frown created deep lines in his forehead. "I'm really not that bothered right now about how 'clever' we've been, Doctor! If this has all just been a lie that I've created in my own head… I just want it to stop! I either just want to wake up from whatever nightmare this is or I want the lies to stop! I want to stop hearing… I want to stop seeing lies and I want some truth! Honest to goodness, straight down the line Truth! With a capital 'T'! Can you give me that much, Doctor?"
His eyes implored The Doctor's once more. The Doctor smiled gently into the tired man's face and nodded his head slowly in the affirmative.
"Yes, Martin… I can give you Truth" the Time Lord said gently "In fact, I can give you something that will make you never doubt the validity of your own soul ever again"
The Doctor moved towards Martin and stood directly in front of where the man was sat. He reached inside one of his deep pockets and brought out his tiny 'Ruby' stone. He played with it in his right hand, spinning it around and around between his fingers.
"Let's forget all that we think we know about God and about what life is, ok, Marty?" The Doctor nodded down at Martin. "Let's strip away all we have been told about what is truth. Can you do that? Can you allow your soul to contemplate something new?"
Martin nodded. "Yes… I think I can… Well, I'll try anyway"
"There is no trying, Marty... Only doing" The Doctor suddenly frowned at his own words "And if you get me saying stuff like that again I'm going to end up sounding like Yoda!"
Martin let out a laugh and The Doctor did the same.
"Good man, Marty. Now relax and listen to me… If you took away all the dogma… the rituals and rules of all religions and spiritual paths, what do you think would be the one statement they could all actually agree on? What one tiny sentence about God would have all believers say 'oh yes, that is actually true'?"
Martin let out a little laugh "I think I know the answer, Doctor…My Aunty… My favourite Aunty… Mary… she always used to tell me this story whenever I'd give her a lift home after she'd been at the communion wine…" He smiled at the memory of her face; her cheeks were always a deep purple-ish red whenever she had a drink. "She told me that when she was at school the Headmaster asked all the school assembly the question 'What is God?' She said she knew the answer and wanted to scream it out but she daren't in case the answer was wrong"
The Doctor smiled softly at Martin. "And what was Aunty Mary's answer?"
"God is love" Martin said softly "She said 'God is love'"
The Doctor nodded, gently smiled and knelt down in front of Martin's chair. He looked deeply into the man's eyes and smiled warmly at him. Martin stared back into The Doctor's deep brown eyes…
He could see lights dancing within them…
"Do you know what love is, Martin?" The Doctor said softly…"It's the same thing as your soul…"
Martin suddenly felt himself falling forward… into The Doctor's eyes…
Falling…
Falling…
All the way to his very soul…
Connection
Love
'Yes'
A blissful, euphoric energy exploded in the centre of Martin's very being. The burning, orgasmic pulse ripped through his body as he fell in ecstasy to his knees overcome with the beautiful embrace of the sensation.
He cried out as if in pain… but there was no pain.
Only a 'knowing'… An 'enlightenment'... A connection…
He and The Doctor were the same…
Everything was the 'same'…
All was love
All of the universe was One…
All of creation was connected with a divine, positive energy that, for that blissfully clear moment, Martin was not only able to know… He was able to experience.
He could feel his soul for the first time… And it was beautiful.
And he knew God was with him.
'Yes'
Another wave of the blissful energy swept over him as if re-affirming God's presence.
The only sensation he could feel was Love.
There was no fear… No hate… No judgement.
Just unconditional, all embracing love
'Yes'
Again the divine pulse surged through Martin's body and the man found himself laughing joyously as tears of unsuppressed relief rolled down his face. It felt like God was stroking the man's soul gently… Letting him know just where it was…
"Thank… you" He managed to whisper "Thank you…"
Again the pulse of blissful energy swept over him as Martin let out soft moans between tears of grateful laughter. He looked over at The Doctor who was now stood by the deck chairs smiling contently at him.
"And… thank you" Martin gasped at The Doctor who just nodded knowingly, smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Another pulse of slightly less intensity caressed Martin's centre as he leaned forward, propping himself up on his hands. He realised the sensation… the experience… the communion was slowly coming to an end.
"Thank you…" He gasped again "Thank you for… showing me… for touching me… for been there"
Another, softer throb of love kissed Martin's soul and the man fell softly onto his back, wiping tears from his face as he did so. He laid there on the ground in comparative silence, slowly reducing his breathing rate as the illuminating glow gradually faded from within him.
After a few minutes he broke the silence loudly…
"Yes!" Martin almost shouted, "That's what… What I wanted! That's what I've waited for all these years! Just to know… To experience… That there's 'something else'! A 'Higher Dimension'! And there is!" His grin was almost hurting his cheeks.
He looked over at The Doctor who was still stood calmly a few feet away smiling happily at the man's epiphany.
"I don't even have to ask what happened! I know what that was! God… The Universe… touched me!" Martin threw his hands out to his sides, "And there was nothing bad in it! Nothing fearful or vengeful! Nothing jealous or demanding! Just love… Beautiful blissful love!" Martin's punched his fist into the air with joy and let out a cry that was somewhere between a laugh and a shout. "Yes! Yes! YES!"
The Doctor walked over to him slowly and looked down at the man with a contented grin.
"I told you I was good, didn't I?" He beamed "It's not every day some one experiences something like that! Well done, Marty! Oh… I'm very proud!" His grin was bigger now than Martin had ever seen it. He held out a hand to help Martin up. The jubilant man took it and sprang up energetically.
As soon as he was on his feet he embraced The Doctor with a hug of almost bear like proportions. The Doctor returned the embrace and patted Martin on the back affectionately.
"Brilliant!" The Doctor's smile was bigger than ever "I love it when a plan comes together!"
Both men laughed heartily and then began, whilst still embracing each other tightly, to jump up and down like children. Their laughter echoed around the valley, which was soon also full of the sound of song. First came just noises to dance and jump too and then the two men burst spontaneously into a verse of 'Love is all around' before bursting into a huge fit of laughter, which was mainly brought on by their own tackiness.
Unknowingly to the child like pair, a few hundred yards away a man with light brown skin watched them joyously. The beauty of his smile was only matched by his own laughter, which he let out without reservation.
The man watched Martin and The Doctor for a few more moments before he turned, smiling gratefully at the sight he'd just witnessed and sat down on a rock behind him. He didn't intend on going anywhere...
"The Kingdom of God is within you" – Jesus of Nazareth