Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. Smiley face.

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 5!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 5: The Genin Test.

Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome."

Naru glared at him. "Would you stop saying that? Nothing's happening; we're just sitting here and not doing shit. How is that possibly troublesome?"

"It's troublesome because Sensei isn't here yet."

As if on cue, Asuma appeared. "Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late; I got lost on the road of life."

Naru sighed. "Nice try, Kakashi."

A puff of smoke surrounded Asuma, and when it cleared, the porn-reading Jonin stood there instead.

"Aw, you're no fun." Kakashi pouted. "I wanted to fool you for a few hours and avoid my team."

"What's so bad about your team?" Sasuke inquired.

"Ino."

The three almost-Genin and Asuma "awww"ed in understanding.

Kakashi blinked in surprise. "Asuma? What are you doing here?"

The bearded man sighed. "This is my team, you know. Now go do some teaching before I tell Dad to ban Icha-Icha."

"You wouldn't have the guts."

"Hello, operator? Hokage's office, please."

"All right, I'm going." Kakashi sighed.

Asuma smirked and put his cell phone away. "Have fun."

Asuma chuckled nervously. "Um…yeah. About the bell test... I lost the bells, so we'll do something different."

Asuma held up his pack of cigarettes. "If you manage to take these from me, you pass." He looked at Sasuke and Shikamaru in surprise. "Where's Naru?"

A giggle came from right in front of him, before something yanked the smokes out of his hand and they floated away. Asuma gaped as Naru reappeared several meters away holding them.

"But…you…I…how?" Asuma blinked before realizing something. "That doesn't count. I didn't say you could begin yet."

Naru smirked. "Too bad." And she crushed the pack in her fist.

Asuma dropped to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Troublesome."

Naru sweatdropped at her sensei. "I'll buy you a new pack if you let us pass."

Asuma jumped up. "Deal! You three pass!"

He then grabbed Naru by her shoulders and started shaking her. "Smoke! I need…must have…my sticks…smoke…must have them…"

"Okay…" Naru muttered nervously. "Let's go to the closest store and get you your cancer sticks."

Asuma smiled and followed her, nodding obediently.

Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome."

"Oh, and Shika?" Naru called. "You're taking me out on a date at 7 this evening."

Shikamaru stiffened and fell off the bridge railing he was sitting on.

Sasuke watched as his teammate floated away. He sighed to himself. "What did I ever do to end up on this team?"

Sasuke smirked. "So how was your date?"

"Troublesome."

Naru elaborated. "It was awesome. He took me cloud-watching."

"How is that in any way awesome?"

"He actually took me somewhere. Plus the clouds looked so pretty at night."

"Oh."

"Troublesome."

Naru sighed. "Oh, Shika. You're even worse than Deidara and his 'blow it up' crap."

Shikamaru looked at her. "You do know that at this point in the story, we don't know you're in the Akatsuki. Besides, after the iPod incident, he changed his phrase to 'art is a blast', remember?"

Asuma stuck his head in the room. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Breaking the fourth wall."

"Oh…well, crap."

Asuma took a drag of his newly-reacquired cigarette. "Anyway, we have another mission to do. Come on, team."

"Shadow-ass in position."

"Emo-douche in position."

"Kick-ass Rin'negan in position."

"Chain smoker in position." Asuma announced. "Naru, you are never picking code names again."

"Awwww."

"I second that, Chain-smoker." Emo-douche said over the headset.

"Troublesome. Let's just catch this thing already. Shadow mimic…hold on…shadow poss…wait, no…shadow sewing…that's not it. Screw the English dub! Kagemane no Jutsu!"

Asuma smiled in relief. "Objective: Capture Tora – complete."

"Congratulations on another successful D-rank, Team 7." The Hokage said. "Your next mission is…"he trailed off when Tora's owner set the cat down and it ran off. She smiled after it for about two minutes, then approached the Sandaime.

"I need you to retrieve my Tora-chan again."

"NO!" Sasuke yelled. Everybody turned to him. "Forget it, lady. You're torturing us on purpose. We're not gonna chase your damn cat anymore!"

Naru glared at the Uchiha. "I really want to kill him."

Shikamaru stepped up next to her. "Why don't you? Given what Kishimoto does with Sasuke in canon Naruto, you'd save everyone a lot of hassle if you get rid of him now."

"Fourth wall." Asuma reminded them in a sing-song voice.

"Shutting up now."

Kurenai walked in, followed by Kiba, Choji, and Sakura. "Team 8 reporting for their daily mission."

Sakura immediately latched on to Sasuke. "Oh, Sasuke-kun, I missed you."

Kurenai scowled. "Sakura! Over here! Now!"

Sakura bowed her head and moved back behind Kurenai.

"You know I don't approve of fangirlism." The Genjutsu mistress admonished her student.

Sakura sighed. "Yes, sensei."

Flashback:

Kurenai sat opposite her three students. "State your name, likes, dislikes, and goals. I'll go first. I'm Kurenai Yuhi, I like creating illusions, I dislike fangirls, and my goal is to kill all the fangirls in the world." Kurenai started laughing maniacally, then quickly turned serious again. "Pinky, you're up."

"My name's Sakura Haruno. I like… (blushes)…my goals are… (blushes harder)…Sasuke-kun…"

Kurenai frowned. "Victim number one."

End flashback.

The Hokage looked at the two teams and smiled. "I have an idea. Both Team 7 and Team 8 have done well on their missions so far. I propose a joint C-rank escort missions to the Land of Waves. Send the client in."

The door opened to reveal…the lady with the cat.

"Move, woman." A voice came from behind her. "You're blocking the damn doorway."

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Yes."

"Sigh…Sorry." The woman grimaced and moved out of the way.

An old drunk stumbled into the room and looked around, clearly unimpressed. "Please tell me the old geezer in the weird hat isn't my escort."

"That's the Hokage."

"Oh."

"Your escort is the smoker, the woman, and the six kids."

"I want the old guy."

"Too bad, you're getting the children."

"Fine, we'll escort you." Kurenai sighed. "If nothing else, I'll protect you if something comes up.

Sakura watched as her sensei left. When the woman's shadow disappeared, she immediately turned to Sasuke.

"Sasuke-kun, would you…"

"I heard that." Came from outside the room.

Sakura sat down and started crying.

Tazuna sweatdropped. "I am so dead."