Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. (Smiley face).

Reaper16619: Thanks for the recognition. No, I was not high, I was just bored, so I decided to update.

korrd: LOL, thanks.

Sable: Thank you. Even I think the story is odd, and I'm the one writing it. As for the amusing part, I should hope so. After all, this story IS categorized as "Humor".

.Insanity: You are quite obviously confused, so I'll explain. Shika knowing about Naru's involvement in Akatsuki was meant to be a joke, sorry if you didn't get it. The fourth wall is the division between fiction and reality, so when the characters break the fourth wall, it means that they know they are fictional. Kasumi is my main OC from my other Naruto story, really thought that one was obvious. As for Naru being dark, that part will come real soon.

Celestial Flower: I don't know, does one month count as "soon"?

Edwardphan4ever: Thank you, that's my favorite type of review. Short and pleasant.

Thanks to you all for reviewing!

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 7!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 7: Back to Konoha.

Shikamaru watched Naru silently as the group walked back to Konoha. Said girl was laughing at something Kurenai said.

"So true, sensei." Naru chuckled. "We actually are ahead of Cole's other story in terms of canon events. We finished the wave mission, while the guys in there are still doing it. I am so rubbing it in Kasumi's face when I see her again."

Sakura walked up to Asuma. "Sensei, she's breaking the fourth wall again.

Asuma sighed. "I don't care anymore. I. Just. Don't. Care."

Shikamaru sweatdropped. "Troublesome."

At that moment, Choji realized something. "Hey, what happened to Zabuza and Haku anyway? For that matter, what happened to Gato and the bridge builder?"

Naru laughed again and turned to him. "Gato's dead. Tsunami shot him. With a crossbow." Short pause. "Specifically this crossbow."

"And…why exactly do you have that crossbow?"

"I've been shooting squirrels as we walked."

"…"

"Tazuna's ok. He finished the bridge and then the villagers named it. It's called the Great Deidara Bridge."

"WTF?" came the collective response.

Naru shrugged. "Anyway, Zabuza and Haku are dead. I killed them on the day Haku wanted to fight."

"So you killed them…off-screen?"

"Yup."

"You ARE cruel."

"Thank you."

"Dad."

Silence.

"Dad!"

Nothing.

"DAD!"

The Hokage looked up from his orange book. "Yes, Asuma? What is it?"

"We're back from Wave." Asuma stated, indicating the six Genin and Kurenai.

"Ah yes. How'd it go?"

"We won."

"What?"

"I mean…we escorted the guy, and spent some time there while he finished the bridge. Gato, Zabuza, and Haku are dead."

"I see. Who killed them?"

"Naru."

The Hokage looked over to the girl. "Congratulations, Naru. I'm hereby giving you a field promotion to Jonin."

They stared at him in surprise. "You can do that? Bypass Chunin, I mean?" Kurenai asked.

"Apparently."

The Hokage watched as Naru put the Jonin vest on. "Now, Naru, I have your first assignment. I am reorganizing the teams, since I am no longer drunk. Team 7 will be Sasuke, Sakura, and some dude called Sai, under Jonin Naru Uzumaki. That's you."

Naru glared at her two present students. Sasuke smirked. Now she has to teach me something.

The Hokage continued. "Kurenai will get Hinata, Kiba, and Shino."

"Oh, great. Stalker, dog, and bugs."

Sarutobi continued. "Asuma will get Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru."

"So you're canonizing the teams?"

"What?"

"You're making the teams almost the same as in canon."

"That's not what canonized means. Look it up."

Naru scowled. "Ok, team banshee and emo, follow me."

Sasuke and Sakura followed, but their minds were elsewhere.

She called Sasuke-kun emo. I shall beat her up for that insult.

Wow, she knows of my mental condition.

Team 7 training ground:

Naru frowned. "Now that Sai's here, let's do the lame introductions thing again. Also, not a word about my new Amegakure forehead protector."

Naru pointed to Sakura. "Bitch, you're up."

Sakura clenched her teeth. "I'm Sakura Haruno. I like Sasuke-kun, SASUKE-KUN, and Sasuke-kun."

"You have issues, girl. Keep going."

"I hate sens…um, I mean people who dislike Sasuke-kun, and my dream is to marry Sasuke-kun."

"If you say "Sasuke-kun" in my presence one more time, I'll kill you."

Naru turned to Sasuke. "Go."

Sasuke smiled (genuinely). "My name's Sasuke Uchiha. I like training, learning new jutsu, and people who accept my condition, I dislike traitors and fangirls, and my dream/ambition is to get stronger, which now appears very possible, and to kill my brother Itachi."

"And what's your condition?"

"You already know, sensei. I'm emo."

"WHAT?"

"Sigh…Sakura, how could you NOT know? Look at me: dark clothes, dark hair, dark eyes, dark personality, dark mood…how could I not be emo?"

Naru sighed. "Ok, third person."

Sai smiled fakely (AN: it's a word now). "Thanks, dickless."

Naru cut him off. "Wait, wait, wait. Dickless?" She then took off her pants and looked in her panties, much to Sakura's horror, Sasuke's amusement, and Sai's interest.

After a moment, Naru straightened up and dressed herself. "Had to check, sorry. Seeing as I'm a girl, something would be wrong if I wasn't dickless. Continue."

"I'm Sai. I like drawing and training. I don't like pink hair, fangirls, or overly loud people."

"So you hate Sakura then?"

"Exactly. My dream for the future…is to get laid."

"Makes sense."

Naru stood up. "I'm Naru Uzumaki. I like ramen, my friends from Amegakure, and Shikamaru Nara. I dislike biased idiots and human stupidity. My dream is…" She blushed. "I also want to get laid." She pointed at Sai. "Who knows, it might be with you some day."

Naru then turned serious. "Ok, team, meet me here tomorrow at ten. We'll have a test to see how well you can work together. Dismissed."