TWENTY SIX

'It is good to have an end

To journey towards,

But it is the journey that matters,

In the end' -

'The Left Hand of Darkness', Ursula Le Guin

"Who Are You" Jay repeated softly.

Martin looked deeply into Jay's eyes as he spoke. He felt a perfect calm wash over him and a gentle echo of his true 'God experience'. He felt like he was been told, at last, The Truth.

"Who Are You?" Jay' said once more, his voice mingled harmoniously within the hum of the room. "This is always the question God asks. Because every moment is a moment of creation, every second you are deciding who you are with everything you think, say and do"

"The question is…" The Doctor attention was focused on Martin. "Who are you with regards all of this?"

Jay lent forward in his seat "This is the Eternal question…Who Are You? Who are you with regards to this, or any other, view of God? Who are you with regards to what this story has said about God and about Life? Who are you with regards to the state of your world? Who are you with regards to your own family? Who are you with regards to how you treat your fellow man and your environment? Always the question remains the same… Who Are You?"

"It's not a simple question to answer, though, is it?" Martin asked almost defensively. "It's not like every question is answered by defining who you are… is it?"

Jay laughed and rested his hand on the seat next to him. "It is a question that every soul answers every day... because Who You Are is defined by how you live each second of each day. Every act is an act of self-definition. It is all about who you are and how you live your life. Do you live it in love? Or do you live it in fear? You lived yours in fear for far too long… And I'm here to teach you how to live it in Love, so that you might teach others and thus create the future world your soul desires". He beckoned Martin to move over to the seat next to him. He patted it slightly and gave him his most calming of looks.

Martin smiled and slowly raised himself to his feet letting out slow moans of pain as he did so. This all still felt so real to him and his body ached literally everywhere. He moved slowly over to where Jay was seated and limped slightly as he did so.

"Whoa, steady on there, Marty… Are you feeling your age?" The Doctor stepped forward as if to help Martin walk.

Martin laughed slightly "No, I'm alright, Doctor, thank you. I'm just a little… weak at the knees. It's been a hell of a day!" He plonked himself thankfully down in the seat next to Jay who laughed knowingly.

"It has indeed, my friend…"

"…And it's not over yet" The Doctor finished Jay's sentence for him. "There's one more place we need to visit before I take you back home"

"Where's that then, Doctor?" Martin's question was genuine.

"What? Do you think I'm going to tell you?" The Doctor looked almost shocked that Martin would ask. "Where would be the mystery in that? Let's just say… It'll feel like home and leave it at that, shall we?" He winked happily at Martin who could do nothing but smile back.

"Where are you taking him, Doctor?" Jay's voice was, for the first time, almost stern, "He's had enough mysteries for one day, do you not think?"

"Oh…Ok, I'll tell you this…" The Doctor said, reluctantly giving in, "I'm taking him to see Ezekiel… But that's all I'm saying for now. Without the mystery the whole thing would fall apart!" He then looked off into some imagined distance "A bit like life really…"

"Doctor…" Jay broke The Doctor's trance, "Do you mean Ezekiel as in…" He gestured with his thumb, pointing backwards over his own shoulder.

"No, I mean the other one…" The Doctor nodded knowingly forwards and towards Martin.

"Oh…" Jay seemed to understand exactly what The Doctor was saying. He glanced at Martin and then returned his gaze to The Doctor. "Oh, very interesting. What a clever idea…" He then grinned at the Doctor and shifted in his seated position.

"What's a clever idea? What are you two…?" Martin stopped himself and gave up his sentence. He had tried but he just couldn't make himself angry. It may have pained him to admit it but he was beginning to understand that the mystery could only unfold slowly. The journey itself was the story and he could feel that the story was slowly coming to its end.

"But what about you, Jay?" Martin took hold of The Light Messiah's arm and held onto it gently. "You'll be coming with us, wont you?"

"Alas, I cannot, my friend" He said sadly. "My part in this tale is coming to its end and there are many more in my own time who must hear my message before my work in this world is done"

Martin was horrified at this news. "But I still don't really understand your message and you said you would teach me". He had only just begun to halfway comprehend what this Jesus was saying. It couldn't all end now, could it? "You said you were here to teach me how to live in love and…"

"Martin, Martin…" Jay took hold of Martin's hand and gazed deeply into his eyes "If you believe that I am the real Jesus then you will know that I am with you always… Even unto the end of time. Therefore listen… and you will hear me. For I am the love in your heart and the hope in your soul. I am the voice of love that resides in the centre of your very being. I am your soul. I am your Higher Self. I Am God in You"

Martin broke Jay's comforting stare and looked over at The Doctor who was still collecting the last pieces of the TARDIS roof in both hands. Martin then gazed down at his own hands and began picking at the loose skin around his fingernails.

"But what if I don't believe that you're the real Jesus?" He said softly "What if none of this is real? Just like you've been telling me… None of this is real and I'm making it all up in my own head? What if that's true about you and your real message? What then?"

Jay nodded his head in agreement and then took a moment's pause as if contemplating such a reality. "Indeed, what would that mean? Maybe I'm not the real Jesus and everything I've been telling you is a lie. That is, in fact, what fear would say, isn't it? That is, in fact, what your 'Dark Messiah' said. Maybe you can fall back into fear and let all he said be true" Jay looked over at The Doctor and then back at Martin.

The Doctor stepped forward. "But we've already been down that road haven't we? And there was no love to be found there" he added gently.

Martin shifted in his seat. "Well, I'm not saying that all that Dark Messiah stuff has to be true… but just maybe that not everything that you are saying is true…"

Jay nodded and lowered his mouth at both sides "Well, that would be a fair point well said… After all, maybe I'm not the real Jesus and I've been brought from your time by The Doctor to 'act' as Jesus? Maybe I'm really the Jay who works down at your local super market!"

Martin paused at this and remembered back to first seeing a picture of this Jesus in The Doctor's photo album. When he first saw him he did remind him of one of the local Morrison's staff. In his mind's eye Martin could now picture the shop worker the last time he had seen him, stacking up the fresh bread on the shelves. For a moment, he could even see his name badge. Did that say: 'Jason'?

"Maybe you've used his image to imagine this Jesus?" The Doctor's eyebrows were raised. "Or, as you've already said, maybe none of this is real… None of it…at all…. And maybe you're still making it up in your head? What then?"

For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime there was complete silence in the room. The silence lasted for only a couple of seconds but to Martin it was the emptiest silence he'd ever heard.

"You see how easily you fall into doubt?" It was Jay that broke the silence. "You doubt the love of God. You doubt me. You doubt yourself. You do not think yourself worthy to be spoken to by Jesus or to be given truth of this magnitude. You doubt, Martin, just like Thomas. It's therefore blocking you from receiving the truth I am here to bring you". He put his hand underneath Martin's chin and lifted his head gently so Martin was forced to meet his gaze. He smiled lovingly into Martin's eyes and nodded slowly. "That is why I must leave you now so that your learning… your 'remembering'… can continue untarnished by any doubt of the authenticity of this Jesus" He stood up to stand in front of Martin. "For many who are on this journey with you will have their own idea about how the real Jesus would and should be. As hard as it may be for you to believe, some will see the real Jesus more within the Dark Messiah's dogma and judgement than within my own message of peace, love and Oneness with God. Yet some will see their Jesus within me and hear and feel the words I have brought you. Many more will not recognise either version contained within this tale for the own idea about Jesus will dominate their understanding... And that is good... That is how it is meant to be...That is why I must leave" He took his hand away from Martin's face and placed it on his left shoulder. "But you need not concern yourself as you will still hear my voice even after I am gone... For these words will come not only through you but also through Ezekiel. Listen to him for he is a great teacher… Just as you will be."

"There... It's done" The Doctor was staring proudly up at the TARDIS' ceiling. It was now back to its original state and completely whole again. He pressed at various buttons on the console and seemed more than pleased with the readings he was viewing on the computer screen.

"How is it looking, Doctor?" Jay asked lightly.

"Excellent... The Elysian nodes are fully charged and the temporal oscillators have re-aligned with the morphic resonators which, in turn, has reversed the polarity of the neutron flow whilst firing up the tacheon generators… Annnnnnd..." He banged at one last switch, "...The Kettle's on" He grinned his best grin, then turned to Jay and clapped his hands "In other words... It's all fixed. I'll be able to get you home before you've even had a chance to dunk a lovely, chocolate hob nob in a mug of hot rosie!"

"Good, good..." Jay responded, "I'll be home in time for John's party then?"

"Oh yeah," The Doctor said lightly and then turned to Martin "Jay's a right hit at people's parties, Marty. He can make the wine last all night… Not to mention what he can do with a minimal buffet!"

Jay laughed and turned his back to Martin as if he was about to leave there and then.

"Jesus…" Martin reached out and grabbed the back of Jay's garment. "Please don't go… I need you here… I just need you here to make all this real"

Jay turned once more to face Martin. "Have you not heard me yet?" He crouched down to look him directly in the eyes, "I will always be with you... Always. I am One with all things. I am One with you. I am One with Ezekiel. I am One with God"

Martin gazed deeply into Jay's piercingly blue eyes. They sparkled and shone within the lights of the TARDIS console room.

"Treat others always as if they One with you. Treat all of humanity as if they are One with each other. Treat yourself as if you are One with God. Because, in truth, you are…"

Martin felt himself falling forward into Jay's eyes. Forward into those pools of infinite compassion and peace. Tiny specs of light danced inside Jay's pupil and Martin was suddenly pulled forward, inside the blackness, spiralling downwards, falling and yet rising, in an ocean of chaotic, esoteric reality. The specs of light inside the black became huge colourful spheres, which moved gracefully around an even larger sphere. Martin realised instantly he was looking at an atom: The tiniest particles in existence and the building blocks of all matter. Electrons spun serenely circling the giant nucleus in a majestic display of perfect harmony. It was a pattern that was repeated everywhere Martin's still falling figure could see…

…An infinite universe of turning, moving spheres…

'The material world is full of familiar objects we can see, feel, touch, taste and smell. As big objects become very small, shrinking to the size of atoms, our senses fail us. Theoretically the shrinkage has to stop somewhere, because no atom is smaller than hydrogen, the first material particle to be born out of the Big Bang' –

How To Know God, Deepak Choopra