THIRTY-TWO
"I believe you create your own destiny. You chose it every day.
For me, one of the most important ideas is that you can begin again.
The ability to start again is enshrined in any worthy philosophy.
Putting the past behind you doesn't always mean ignoring the past,
but learning from it and moving on…"
Bono from an extract taken from 'Ten Eternal Questions' by Zoe Sallis
8.30pm Thursday 10th Sept 2045: On the side of a hill near Hawkshead, Cumbria:
"So, what do you think?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well… What do you think to it all soon far?"
"I..."
"And... Don't say 'rubbish'!"
"I... I think it's… incredible…"
Martin and Ezekiel were lying on their backs on a patch of soft, dry grass looking upwards, and outwards, into the clear, twilight sky. The evening was cool, yet comfortable as they lay taking in the awe-inspiring sight of the solar system on proud display. The majesty of chaos and perfection that made up the very fabric of the universe danced before their open eyes. The stars graced the heavens serenely, their light giving warmth and life to countless worlds in the vast infinity of all creation, their very existence a source of wonder, study and debate for mankind since dawn of known time.
And here the two men who were really One lay: their backs on the cold, hard ground. Looking out into the tapestry of the cosmos whilst pulling together the threads of existence itself, locking them into words and binding 'The Truth' in a leather-bound book.
The book itself was nearing completion and was, Martin had concluded, around three chapters away from the journey's end.
"It's incredible" Martin repeated with a whisper.
"Now… are we taking about the universe… or the book so far?" Ezekiel said casually sucking on a cough sweet and glancing around to look at Martin.
"Well… both really" Martin said with a smile. "They're both very much a work in progress"
"Of course they are" Ezekiel chuckled happily and then reverted his gaze upwards. He was silent for a few moments as he clasped both of his hands together and rested them on his chest contently. He then let out a long, appreciative breath and said softly, "We're really looking back in time, you know, looking at those stars. They're so far away the light we're seeing now is actually from the 'past'... It's taken so long to get here..."
"Yeah, I know" Martin said in his best 'I'm not five!' voice.
Ezekiel scratched at his nose for a second and carried on "But, then again, 'time' doesn't exist in ultimate reality because, as we've already learned, all that does exist is the here and the now... The Eternal Moment of Creation... So where does that leave us? How can that be?" He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts.
"Well, it's one of those 'divine dichotomies', isn't it?" Martin said casually. "One of those moments where two apparently contradictory truths can stand side by side and both be true... Time exists/Now is all there is... We are One/We are many..."
Ezekiel laughed "That's True..." He stopped and looked at Martin proudly. "I like that you're telling me the answers now" He smiled contently and raised his eyes upwards once more. "Now the question is... Are we looking up at the stars... Or are we looking down on them? And, if we arelooking down on them, how would it feel to fall forward... into them?" He coughed, cleared his throat and then said softly… "Do you remember?"
"Remember what?" Martin said innocently, his eyes still bathing appreciatively in the pool of the night sky.
"Do you remember falling into it all? Do you remember your transcendental journey through the universe? And the things you learnt in that moment?"
"Errm… let me think" Martin said sarcastically, scratching his chin as he did so. "Of course I bloody remember it! I'm not going to forget something like that am I?" He shook his head in mock disbelief, yet his eyes never left the heavens. "I may not know what it all meant… But I remember how it felt. I was just thinking about it now actually…. I was just remembering back to it now" His voice softened "I saw it all, didn't I? I saw it all… I travelled through it all…" He breathed out slowly "I saw it all connected… And how all things are One"
"Yes, you did" Ezekiel said gently "I did… We did" He nodded and then tapped Martin on his right arm. "That's what we have to write about next. That is what the next chapter is all about…We have to explain how all of this…" he gestured out to the universe "Allof it… is connected. We have to tie it all together in a neat little bow and make it all make sense" He looked around at Martin's still, laying form and tapped him again on his resting arm. "Are you up for it, do you think?"
Martin turned to look at his future self. "If you are I am" He grinned happily. "I mean, if you can help me remember… If you can help me understand what it all meant… I'm definitely up for it"
"Great…" said Ezekiel slowly raising himself up into a sitting position "Then grab the book and your pen because I'm about to tell you the Truth of the cosmology of the Universe"
"That'd be cool" Martin said almost casually as if he'd just been asked if he fancied an ice cream. He then pushed himself onto his elbows and looked around him for his rucksack. He found it at his feet and quickly retrieved the book and his pen. He then opened it up at the first blank page and put the tip of his pen to the book. "What's this chapter going to be called then?" he asked inquisitively, rearranging himself into a comfortable, seated position.
"Just call it… 'The Universe and how it's all connected'" Ezekiel said cheerfully "That should peak their interest"
Martin laughed and wrote the title on the clean, white page. "Excellent… I've been looking forward to this one for quite a while…" he said excitedly.
"Good… Then this is how it begins…"
Ezekiel told him the Secret… And Martin wrote the Truth down in his book…
6.30am Sunday 13th September 2045: The kitchen in Ezekiel's cottage, Tarn Hows, Cumbria
Martin had started writing in his own journal about his time at the cottage. It was only a small, pocket size book but he used it as a way of getting his own personal thoughts down on everything that was happening to him. This crazy, life changing adventure needed recording somehow and, as there was no one else here, it was up to him to write it all down. He sat at the kitchen table scratching down his feelings on the previous days discussion on karma and reincarnation and then describe the day's events in brief detail. He munched on a bowl of cereal as he did so...
"I thought we'll maybe try a walk over to Coniston today..." Ezekiel placed Martin's second mug of tea of the morning down on the table next to him and started to move slowly over to his own chair, "It looks like it could be a nice one" Suddenly the old man stumbled slightly, corrected himself and then coughed twice as he lowered himself into a sitting position and breathed out heavily once rested. He looked pale, his face seemed thinner than usual and he also looked in great discomfort.
"Are you ok, Ezi?" Martin asked, his mouth full of cornflakes. He had started calling his future self 'Ezi' a few weeks previously on Ezekiel's own request. Apparently that was 'what he's always called him' and, therefore, it'd be a good idea for Martin to start sooner rather than later.
"Oh yes, I'm fine..." Ezekiel said dismissively, "I'm an old man, you know. I'm bound to have a few aches and pains now and again. And we've been doing quite a bit of walking recently, haven't we? It's probably just that..."
"Well, we don't have to walk today do we?" Martin's mouth was now cornflake free and his spoon was pointing at the kitchen window. "Why don't we just stay in the garden and work on the book?" Martin rose from his chair and began walking towards the large, oblong window still holding onto his cereal bowl as he did so. "I mean, it's a lovely day... and you've got a beautiful garden" Martin looked out of the tranquil lake and scenery at the bottom of the cottage's lawn. "Why do we have to go anywhere?"
"Well, I don't suppose we do have to..." Ezekiel's voice was soft and his eyes twinkled for the first time that day. "We could just stay here in the garden and talk... As long as we get the next chapter written I don't suppose it matters where we do it... Just as long as we do do it"
"Exactly" Martin grinned. "I mean we could just stay here until the book's finished if you want and..."
"No, no..." Ezekiel interrupted, his face suddenly serious "We do need to walk... We need one lastwalk... before the end... That's what happens..." His face looked worried as if contemplating the unravelling of some important, future plan.
"Ok, that's ok..." Martin moved over to Ezekiel making calming gestures, "Don't worry... We'll have that last walk... OK?"
Ezekiel looked at him as if embarrassed by his own anxiousness. "Yes... Sorry, Martin. I'm just..." He paused as if scared of revealing too much to his younger self. "It's getting near the last day now and I just want all this to work out the way it has to work out" He looked down at his own mug of tea and rubbed his index finger along the rim. "The end of the journey is only days away, Martin. There's not long to go..."
"Yeah, there's not many blank pages left in the book..." Martin looked over at the closed manuscript, which was resting on the oak table beside him. "I realise we must be getting near the end now"
"We're all getting near the end, Martin" Ezekiel said softly. "The end comes for all of us... One day. But the magical thing is... The end is just a beginning... As one door closes, another one opens... Because in ultimate reality, death doesn't exist... Life is Eternal..."
"Yeah, I remember... That was the first thing I learnt... The first thing I remembered" Martin walked over to pick up the book. "But we've already covered that in the book, haven't we?"
"Well, not in detail" Ezekiel took a gulp of his tea. "There's still a lot to be said on death and the afterlife. In fact, that's what the next chapter is all about" He added confidently.
"Oh really?" Martin said, his eyebrows rose. "That sounds like fun"
"Right, well you grab the camping chairs and I'll meet you outside in ten minutes" Ezekiel rose slowly and moved over to the kitchen side where two slices of lightly done toast had just ejected themselves and the kettle steamed proudly. "I'm just going to take Yasmin her breakfast in bed, then I'll be along and we'll talk about the everlasting nature of the soul and it's journey through All That Is... We'll write down the secrets of death itself and the true knowledge of the eternal spirit within us all"
"That sounds like it's going to be a great chapter, to say the least" Martin said excitedly.
"And it's all going down in that book... after I've delivered this peanut butter on toast!" Ezekiel smiled happily and disappeared out through the kitchen door armed with a silver tray and good intentions.
Martin let out a laugh and finished writing the final sentence in his journal. He closed the little book up and put it inside the top pocket of his shirt. He looked over at the other book, the book of 'Truth', as it rested on the table slightly off to his left. He reached over and pulled the leather bound book towards him. He opened it near the end, just after the where the last chapter had finished. He stared down at the empty, yet to be written page with wondering eyes. What secrets would it soon contain?
Thirty minutes later the two men who were really One were sat at the bottom of the garden, the book was been written and the words were bound for all eternity...
Ezekiel told him the Secret... And Martin wrote the Truth down in his book...
An extract from Martin's personal journal:
10.23pm Tues 15th September 2045...
Today was a good day. Well, it had it's good and it's bad moments, to be honest. It was a day off two halves really...
In the morning, Ezi and me walked a little bit further than we had done the day before and, more so than ever, we had a really good laugh together. He comes out with some right stuff sometimes. He's really funny. I don't know where he gets it from. It's not from me. Anyway, we ended up near Gumberthorpe and settled for the day by a lovely little lake, had an ice cream each and wrote another section of the book. These last few chapters have been really amazing to read back. To see written down a workable blueprint for future world harmony is just mind blowing to say the least. I see how it was done... I see how it canbe done... And it fills me with so much hope for the future. These secrets are going to save the world and it's up to me to make sure all of mankind hear them when I get back home to my own time.
No pressure then!
Ezi's says that tomorrow I'll learn how it all of that is going to happen and what exactly I have to do with all this knowledge when I return to 2010. I'm looking forward to going back home but I'm going to miss Ezi a lot. And older Yasmin. She's been beautiful to me. She's really made me feel at home here. Sometimes though, out of the corner of my eye, I've seen her staring at me as if trying to see through the perception filter around my neck. I wonder if she knows who I really am? Maybe Ezi's told her? Either way, she's treated me with a lot of love and care which, at the same time, has made me miss my own Yasmin ever more...
When we got back to the cottage about 4-ish Anya was here with the kids. As always, it was great to see her and I played 'Snakes and Ladders' with the Faith and Elijah whilst she and her mother prepared the evening meal. They made an amazing vegetable curry that had to be tasted to be believed, topped off with golden chips and narn bread. I let the diet slip for today. I was in food heaven. The kids loved it too. But Anya, Yasmin and Ezi didn't seem to eat that much. They all looked a little distracted, to be honest. Almost like something was going unsaid. So, after the food was done, I offered to take the kids out for a brief walk through the nearby woods so the 'grown ups' could have some alone time together. We returned back to the cottage just over an hour later and when we went in to the living room the atmosphere was definitely muted and sombre. As much as they tried to hide it, I could tell that all three of them had been crying. Anya distracted the children with a box of Quality Street and the promise of a game of hide and seek before they had to leave. I really wanted to ask Ezi what was wrong, but I could tell by the way he looked at me that he didn't want me to ask. So I didn't ask. I felt it was right to let this one go, as it would be somehow 'wrong' for me to intrude. And I really don't understand why I should feel that way…
When Anya and the kids had gone and 8 o'clock came I made my excuses and went up to my room for an early night. I really felt Ezi and Yasmin needed some more time alone. They both seemed really tactile tonight even more than usual. They held hands as they sat by the fire and Ezi would lean over every few minutes and kiss Yasmin tenderly on the cheek. I thought it was best to let them have some quality time together so I came upstairs and worked on my drawings and then wrote in this journal.
I heard Yasmin crying again a few moments ago as I was writing this entry. It was such a sad sound that it made me cry too. And I dont even know what I'm crying about. I feel like I want to run downstairs now and ask them both what's going on. But something is stopping me. It's like I just know I'm not meant to. I'm meant to let the story play out to it's natural end. I really can't understand my own feelings at the moment. It's almost like I'm trying to deny the undeniable…
So I'm going to go to bed now and I'm going to try and dream about happy things… Sunny days, bright horizons and a peaceful future world. And trees… I always seem to dream about trees at the moment!
Good night, diary. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a very eventful day...
7.31am Wed 16th September 2045: By the lake near Ezekiel's cottage, Tarn Hows, Cumbria:
"I wonder what's keeping him…"
Martin turned from his walking and looked back upon the dwelling place of his future self. The picture perfect cottage stood idyllically near the waters edge, its white washed walls reflecting the morning light so the whole building seemed to literally glow.
By the old wooden door Martin could see Ezekiel still saying goodbye to Yasmin. On setting off for their walk this morning the older man had asked Martin to walk on without him for a few minutes, as he needed to 'speak to Yasmin alone'. That was over ten minutes ago now and still the couple were in deep conversation. They seemed to hug each other for long periods of time in-between their words until one last, long embrace ended with Yasmin turning suddenly and re-entering the cottage, closing the door behind her without looking back. Ezekiel stood staring at the closed door for several seconds before, with the aid of his trusty black stick, finally walking slowly away from his home and towards the path that led to Martin…
On reaching Martin's position several minutes later Ezekiel looked pale and drawn. He'd clearly been crying.
"Are you ok, Ezi?" Martin asked gently.
"Yeah, I'm fine" The old man replied almost dismissively, "The pieces are in place, Martin. The puzzle is coming together…" He carried on walking past his younger self's still form. "C'mon… No more looking back… Time to face our destiny"
Martin pulled his rucksack tighter on his back and, with a slight shake of his head, followed in the old man's footsteps. He soon caught up and began to walk casually beside him, yet both men remained silent for several minutes in a way that felt more than uncomfortable…
"So which way is our destiny, Ezi?" Martin could bare the silence no more.
"You already know the answer, Martin" Ezekiel's eyes remained on the path ahead. "You already know where this road leads. There can only be one path we take now"
Martin knew immediately where they were heading. "Are we going to the crossroads near McMillan field? To the path you only took once, many years ago, when you were me?"
Ezekiel nodded sadly "Yes… where else? Today is the last day…"
"The last day for what?" Martin's voice was dry and brittle.
"The last day for you and me to be here… Tomorrow is the start of another adventure for both of us…" Ezekiel climbed an old wooden gate as he spoke. "Let's take a short cut, shall we?" He pointed with his walking stick to the other end of the field. "If we cut through here we can get to the crossroad quicker. There's no point in delaying this any longer…" Detaching himself from the gate, he began to walk through the long grass of the farmer's field.
"Isn't that private property, Ezi?" Martin shouted concerned. "Are we even allowed in that field?"
"We're allowed anywhere, Martin" Ezekiel kept his back to his younger self as he continued walking, using his stick to push back the long grass. "And, besides, the farmer won't mind 'cos he's never here"
Martin began to climb the gate. "Why? Where is he?"
"He's at the same place as everybody else", the old man shouted back as if that explained everything.
"Well, where's everyone else?" Martin jumped down from the gate and began to pursue his older self through the field. "Actually, come to think about it… I've never seen anybody else apart from you, Yasmin, Anya and the kids in all the time I've been here! Where is everybody else?"
Ezekiel let out a laugh. "Oh, Martin, have you only just realised that?" He stopped dead in his tracks. "Actually, I remember now that it is… You've only just realised that, haven't you?"
Martin caught up with the old man and put a hand out to grab the old man's coat. "Yes… It never even occurred to me before now. Why is that? Why are we alone here?"
"Oh, we're not alone…" Ezekiel spoke confidently "We've never been alone in all the time we have been on this journey. There are many here with us right now following every step we take and every word we utter… We are never alone" He began to walk forward hitting out a grass again with his stick. "The others that are supposed to 'live' here… The farmers and the villagers… They aren't here right now because they don't have a part to play in this story. They are never to be seen. Therefore… for right now… they do not exist…"
"What does that mean?" Martin was more puzzled than ever.
"It means the end of our journey is just over that hedge over there and two fields down to the right. It means that all the questions will be answered soon and the eternal mystery will finally be solved. It means that this is the last day… And the end is coming"
Martin let out an inevitable snort of laughter. "Is there any chance you could be a little more cryptic?" He said sarcastically. "The end to what? Everything?"
"The end of all things?" Ezekiel turned to look at his younger self and made eye contact for the first time that day. His eyes were bright yet sad and yet, at the same time, somehow full of hope of an eternal promise. "No… Not the end of all things. Never the end of all things… Life is eternal, remember? Eternal never ends…" He smiled a faint smile and placed his right hand on Martin's left shoulder tenderly. His voice was little more than a whisper "I'm talking about the end of the story… Where our journey reaches its conclusion... By the tree at the end of the dream"
Martin frowned questioningly "I'm not in a dream am I? 'Cos if this all turns out to be a dream I'm going to be sssooooooo disappointed"
Ezekiel let out a laugh "You wouldn't be the only one! No... You are not in a dream. You are in an experience... A shared experience"
"Whom am I sharing it with?"
"Yourself..." He smiled his warmest of smiles, "…And those that follow the words"
"The words in 'The Truth'?"
"Yes"
"But why is this the end?"
"Because the story has already been written...And the ending was decided a long time ago"
"By whom?"
"By you…By me… By all that you see…"
"I'm not going to get a straight answer am I?" Martin shook his head smiling.
"You wouldn't want it any other way, Martin" Ezekiel grinned brightly, squeezed the younger man's shoulder, let go and then turned to continue his journey…
Five minutes later and the two men who were really One had crossed the field and rejoined the path that lead to the crossroads. They both remained silent but this time it was a comfortable silence only broken by the bird song that filled the vibrant, warming air. As they approached the cross roads at McMillan field the first thing Martin noticed was that something small and white had been pinned to the old oak tree at the centre of the crossing. Martin moved speedily ahead of his future self to be the first that arrived at the tree.
"What's this?" He reached out to take the envelope from the tree. Written on it in black ink was…
'To both Martins…'
"It's from The Doctor" Martin said excitedly detaching it from the tree "I'd know that handwriting anywhere!"
"Is it really?" Ezekiel said in mock surprise, "Well I never…"
"Shall I open it?" Martin said his fingers already tearing at the seal.
"Yes… You do" Ezekiel returned quietly.
Martin read the letter aloud…
'Dear chaps,
Just wanted to say sorry I cant be with you both right now. There's a bit of trouble going on with the Chumblies of Galaxy 4 and an apparent copyright infringement with Hoover that needs my full attention… Not to mention my sonic screwdriver and a physic pen But I'll soon be done with that and I'll be joining you both at the Tree at the end of the dream before you can say Raksocoricalpholopatorius…
I'm very proud of you both for coming this far, by the way. We're nearly done now. It's almost time to go home.
Ezekiel, you know what you have to do…
Martin, you don't but you soon will… And please keep these little notes I keep leaving around. You're going to need them soon… or, rather, I will. Also there's a lovely red rose growing at the base of this tree…'
Martin looked down and sure enough there was a beautiful velvet like red rose that stood alone in the shadow of the great oak tree…
'Pick it now and put it gently in your rucksack, if you will. You're going to be glad you've got it later on when you get to give it to someone you love at exactly the right moment…
Right, got to go 'cos I'm getting shouted at by Jason Donovan (and you know how he can be! Although how he got to be a lawyer I'll never know! I blame Kylie!).
Great job, guys, the book is brilliant and it's gonna save the world… Literally!
Happy times and places
The Doctor
PS: I wear a trilby now. Trilby's are cool…'
There was even a little drawing of a stick man wearing an enormous trilby running away from an alien that looked more like a vacuum cleaner. Martin stopped reading and looked over at his older self who simply smiled and shrugged knowingly.
"He's funny, isn't he? And clever" Ezekiel sighed "C'mon then… Pick that flower and let's get along this narrow path" The old man nodded off to the right hand route his face full of anxiety and haste.
Martin bent down and picked the perfect rose carefully from its resting place. He then swung his bag from his shoulders, unfastened it and looked inside to where he could place the rose without crushing it. To his surprise he immediately saw an empty kitchen roll tube resting at the top of his bag. He didn't remember packing it himself…
"How did this get in here?" He asked aloud at Ezekiel's departing figure.
"Like I say… Clever" The old man continued forward on the narrow path without looking back. "C'mon… we're nearly there…"
Martin gently placed the rose inside the tube and lowered it carefully into the side pocket of his rucksack. He swung the bag back on his back and followed his future self off to the right hand side of the crossing, his head full of unanswered questions and growing expectations…
Seven minutes later and the two men who were really One had arrived at their destination.
"There… That's the spot" Ezekiel pointed a long, aged finger at the scene in front of them. A perfect golden field looked out over a tranquil lake, which in turn, was surrounded by majestic, grey and silver mountains. In the centre of the field was a giant ash tree, it's golden leaves reflecting radiantly the morning sun almost as if they had been sprinkled with diamonds.
"Wow… That is beautiful" Martin's eyes bathed in the scene of perfection. "Where are we? What's this place called?"
"It's called 'Eternal pastures' and this is where it ends, Martin" Ezekiel said calmly. "And that picture perfect tree is the tree at the end of the dream… Also known as the tree of life… Often called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil… It's where we've been heading all this time… A place where we finally see the answer… and reach this journey's end"
Martin moved closer to his future self and placed a hand gently on his left shoulder. "What happens here?" He whispered.
Ezekiel let out a tiny almost nervous laugh "Well, we walk over there… We sit underneath the tree… We talk and we laugh… We even have a bite to eat… We write the end of the book… And then…" He looked around at Martin for the first time, his eyes were full of tears… "And then you watch me die…"
'No death is wasted,
And all death brings a message
To those who leave the earth
And those who remain' –
Neale Donald Walsh, 'Home with God'