Playing Along
When Ciel woke up, nothing had changed. It stayed that way for the next couple days, and Ciel felt utterly helpless. Nothing was out of place or mysterious, and nothing gave way to show that this wasn't real. It was like his past had never happened, and this was his life as a result. He had no reason to seek revenge, therefore everyone was safe and happy, and even Ciel couldn't deny that it was an enjoyable feeling. Every time he saw his parents or talked with Philips or anyone else he recognized, a certain peace would surround his very being, as if gently pulling him into this reality.
However, Ciel knew better to give into whatever this really was. So he played along and tried to act as the nice, good humored and outgoing person he discovered he was here. Apparently he had grown out of his shyness as a child into a flourishing social butterfly. Unfortunately, it was easier said than done, having to literally act the exact opposite of who he really was.
Elizabeth had said that they were staying here for the Easter holiday, and once he reassured her that he was fine, Ciel found himself pulled into the festivities. They went to numerous parties, and Ciel found that he was well liked like his father, and had many friends and admirers. He had far more business partners with the Funtom Company as well, many of which he could clearly remember refusing to work with.
They spent a lot of time with his parents as well, which gave Ciel a mix of heartache and relief every time. His parents were supposed to be dead and gone, but he chatted idly with them. His mother spoke of various events she'd been setting up and others that she'd gone to, as well about her daily life, which he found endearing. At times she would kid around and bring up embarrassing stories that he had long ago forgotten, sending both herself and Elizabeth into fits of laughter while he blushed. At times when they were alone, his mother would pull him aside and give him a hug and a kiss on the forehead, whispering how proud she was of him. At this, Ciel felt sad, remembering who he truly was.
His father was much more different. He spoke nothing of fatherly love, like he did when he was a child. No, his father treated him like the young adult he was, talking to him about his company and suggesting some possible investors he should look into for the future. Ciel appreciated his intelligence and found himself able to easily settle in with him and other men when they went off to smoke and drink at parties. Ciel had never thought of really enjoying this type of luxury, but he found himself on numerous occasions willing to say something and actually listen back. Though, during these small gatherings of gentlemen, he usually kept quiet, still unsure.
At one point after dinner, his father had taken him privately to his study, where they talked about the Queen's orders and the family's involvement in the underworld. During this brief time, however, something settled uncomfortably in his gut, but he ignored it. Ciel knew that in this reality, the burden was still on his father's shoulders, but he learned that he'd been taken on a couple of cases to get a feel for the work. It was overall a familiar subject, though he tried to appear naïve in some respects for his father. At least twice his father sighed and muttered that he wished that this gruesome work wouldn't fall to him. As a child, Ciel hadn't really known about his father's mysterious work, but now that he understood the duty, he could tell that it had taken a toll on the man.
The day before Easter Sunday, Ciel was surprised to see Aunt Angelina show up. For a moment, Ciel was thrown off to see her alive like his parents. She had aged too, but she was still as he remembered her, all decked out in red and ready to indulge socially. She was also unescorted, and that meant that not even the shinigami existed. However, he put his best face on for her and greeted her like any nephew should. He was relieved to see that they were still as close as ever, though, now he had a good idea why.
On Easter Sunday, the Phantomhives went to church in their best outfits and again Ciel was reminded of why this felt odd. In his past, he had given up on God in favor of surviving. He had called on Sebastian, a daemon as proof. So as they sang the hymns and prayed, he couldn't help but feel skeptical of the whole ceremony. Afterward, they joined in the traditional parade, showing off their high class clothes and making merry before returning to the manor. They spent the day together and had an extravagant dinner. When he and Elizabeth retired that night, Ciel felt weightless as he let it all sink in, wanting so badly to believe this was all real.
So when the day came that they were to depart, Ciel felt his gut tightening. He found himself wishing that he could spend more time with his parents and he tried to pull himself together lest Elizabeth find him in such a state. It had only been a couple days and now he was leaving. This all could be a dream and how that'd be cruel, he found himself muttering, surprised by how much he wanted it not to be.
He was standing with Elizabeth and her maid Paula as they let the footmen take their luggage when his parents and Aunt Angelina came out to bid them goodbye. His mother enveloped him in a tight and warm hug.
"Don't stay away too long, Ciel, you hear?" she chided, saying something about how he tended to get wrapped up in his work. "You and Elizabeth both need to visit more often."
"We will, I promise," Ciel said back, pulling apart despite the fact it felt like his heart broke into two pieces. He tried to stamp the feeling away.
Aunt Angelina embraced him next, pretty much telling him the same thing. He shook his father's hand goodbye and with some last parting words, he helped Elizabeth into the carriage while Paula climbed up to sit with the footmen and they set off. He couldn't help but look back until the manor disappeared, his aunt and parents vanishing along with it.
Settling back with a sigh, Ciel felt Elizabeth take his hand. He gave her a cursory glance, feeling exhausted. He could remember calling her "Lizzy" one afternoon over tea. She had given him a weird look before laughing. It was undoubtedly proof that she had matured, for she preferred Elizabeth nowadays, saying that it was more ladylike.
He could feel his façade slipping, as well as all fruitless hopes that this could really be reality. Why wouldn't he just wake up already?
"You've been quiet lately, Ciel," she observed. "Ever since you had that nightmare. Are you sure you're alright?" He could feel her green eyes on him, wanting an answer.
Ciel looked down at his hands. The one in Elizabeth's was slack, the other pressed firmly against his thigh. To his great discomfort, he couldn't wear the Phantomhive family ring he had grown accustomed to over the years. His father was still alive and wore it himself, and Ciel knew that was where it belonged. So as a substitute, he had to wear a wedding band that matched Elizabeth's. It didn't carry the comfortable weight the other ring did; it felt weightless, like nothing was there. It made him feel even more powerless in this situation.
"Something like that," he murmured.
"Ciel." His wife's voice was stern, reminding him of Aunt Frances.
With reluctance, Ciel forced himself to peck the concerned girl on the cheek, giving her a tiny, reassuring smile that he didn't quite believe in. "I'm fine, honest." Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest, but he carried on, "So, remind me again why your mother and father didn't come with us?"
Thankfully Elizabeth was still gullible to such distractions. "They switch every year. They spent the holiday with Edward's family this year," she answered, her voice brightening a little. "They'll spend Christmas with us this year instead."
"Ah." Ciel gently removed his hand from Elizabeth's and turned to look out the carriage window at the passing scenery. He could tell that his cousin wanted to say something, to comfort him, to figure out what was wrong with him, but she wisely decided to hold her tongue, and they lapsed into semi-comfortable silence for most of the duration of their trip.
Their manor took a little over a day and a half to reach. They had spent the night at a decent inn, and Ciel had tossed in his sleep most of the night. The carriage ride was a long one after that, and Elizabeth seemed to become increasingly restless in the silence.
When they arrived, a relief washed over both of them. For Ciel, it was just to get out of the suddenly claustrophobic carriage as well as away from his erratic thoughts. For Elizabeth, it was the silence and unusual behavior of her husband.
Helping Elizabeth out of the carriage, Ciel sized the area up, hoping to distract himself for the time being. Their home wasn't nearly as large as the Phantomhive estate. He estimated it to be roughly half the size, but it had the same splendor and wealthy exterior about it. The outside greenery was trimmed precisely, and the outdoor decorations were in good taste. As they had come up the winding driveway, he had taken the actual area into account, and they had a rather large property for such a small manor. Forest surrounded the western side, and open country started from the cusp of it.
The footmen and Paula had taken their luggage inside, and Ciel and Elizabeth eagerly followed them in. The interior was just as opulent as any noble's home should be, and this offered some comfort. The fact that they weren't immediately greeted did the exact opposite.
"Where's the butler?" Ciel asked, looking around.
"We've been interviewing, but no one seems suitable enough," Elizabeth explained, giving him a you-know-that look, but didn't press for once. "But we have plentiful servants that do the work just fine."
The absence of Sebastian hit him hard just then. Ciel felt stupid for longing for the daemon's sure presence. For all he knew, Sebastian could be the one causing all this.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Ciel followed Elizabeth up the stairs to their bedroom. There was nothing special to it, being just as lavishly decorated as any room. But as he stopped to stand in the doorway there was a feeling of hesitancy to step inside. He was married…he shared a room, a bed, with Elizabeth now. It wasn't a problem in his own home, that room was familiar to him…but this…
"Ciel?" the girl asked, turning around as she dropped her coat over the bed. "Ciel, what's wrong?" Gently, she pulled her husband into the room, sitting him down on the bed. She cupped his face with both hands, making him look directly at him.
"Please tell me what the matter is, please," she begged, tears once again rimming the edges of her eyes as she feared for a repeat of a couple days ago. "You've never acted like this since you were born, and I've known you my whole life! You seemed so distanced these past few days, and I can see that you're just putting up a face. Please tell me what's wrong, Ciel."
Unfortunately, this more grown up Elizabeth wasn't as oblivious as Ciel remembered. He hated himself for letting her see right through him, but he knew that he didn't understand any of what was going on. He couldn't possibly describe any of this to her because she wouldn't be able to fathom it any more than he did. Ciel could only hope to keep playing his part, to be seen as everyone here saw him.
Lightly nudging her hands off his face, Ciel stood up. "It's nothing, Elizabeth. I'm just tired," he attempted to dismiss, slipping off his coat. "Please, leave me."
"As your wife, I cannot!" Elizabeth nearly burst as he turned away to hang up their coats. She moved so that she was standing in front of Ciel. In a softer voice, she continued, "You can trust me, Ciel, that's what married couples do. Please, I may not understand whatever you're going through, but please at least let me try to do something about it." She covered his hands with hers, her face slightly flushed as she said quietly, "I love you."
No, she couldn't say that. Not like that, not with such a deep meaning. Ciel had in fact heard those words uttered between them, but it was all just child's play. She might've thought that there was meaning in those words, but he knew better. But this…Ciel couldn't accept them for reasons he couldn't understand. It was too much.
Pulling away briskly, Ciel said nothing as he turned around and re-deposited their coats on the bed. Elizabeth didn't try to stop him as he closed the door behind him, picking the farthest room down the hall to lock himself in.
The next morning, Ciel was brought breakfast in bed by an unfamiliar maid. She bowed too many times and was as quiet as a mouse, but did her duties properly nonetheless. He could tell that she felt the tension in the air as she moved about serving him tea and croissants, her body language alone showing that she was relieved when he ordered her out.
To add on top of his confusion of this place, guilt stabbed at Ciel for what he had done to Elizabeth. It was only natural that he'd act that way, he tried to tell himself, but the bothersome thoughts wouldn't go away. He knew that he should apologize.
He supposed it was for the reason that he didn't know this Elizabeth well, and that he only really saw her as an annoying fiancée he had no interest in whatsoever that made him forget where he was. He had acted ungentlemanly, and Ciel knew that he shouldn't cause any more trouble than he already had.
With a sigh of slight irritation that Sebastian was once again not here, he dressed himself, forgetting that he was living as an eighteen-year-old that should be doing such things by himself now. He then headed down to Elizabeth's room and knocked. A soft "come in" was his answer, and he let himself in.
Already dressed with Paula doing finishing touches to her hair, Elizabeth dismissed her maid once she spotted Ciel in the mirror, and the servant did so quietly, shutting the door behind her.
Coming up behind the girl, Ciel let one of his hands rest on the back of the chair. She looked sad and worried, but still met his eye. "Elizabeth, I–"
Standing up and turning around, Ciel was caught off guard as she wrapped her arms around him, memories of surprise hugs shifting through his memory bank. It was another odd comfort, one that he had the thought of trying to pull away from, but she did so first.
"Look, I was wrong to prod, Ciel," she said. "But you just haven't been acting like yourself, and you know how worried I tend to get over the small things and I–"
"No, Elizabeth, I'm sorry," Ciel interrupted, this situation suddenly feeling like one of those many circumstances where he had to make ends meet so that she wouldn't burst out crying. "I was wrong to shut you out." He felt tongue-tied as he continued, "You're my wife, and you deserve to know anything you want that may come between us."
His voice must've been believable for she smiled at him, pulling him in for another hug. "And I shouldn't be so nosy. I realize that I don't need to know everything, so I'll let you sort out whatever's bothering you." She pecked him on the cheek, her green eyes beaming. "Just know that I'm always here for you if you need me, okay?"
Ciel nodded. He hadn't really expected to be let off the hook so easily, and once again, everything suddenly felt surreal. "Alright."
Elizabeth made an amused noise, pulling away from him and moving towards the door. "I sent you breakfast, by the way. I trust you ate already?" she asked as Ciel followed her.
"Yes, thank you."
His…wife gave him a charming smile that on some level surprised Ciel. "Well, then, I told Paula that I would spend the day knitting and to set up my things in the garden. You're welcome to join me," she said with a hopeful note in her voice.
"Maybe later. I want to start work before it piles up too much," Ciel resolved, knowing that this would be the absolute worst time to burn the bridge they had just built.
Thankfully Elizabeth didn't seem too deterred by this answer and smiled. Ciel supposed that he had said something right that didn't sound too unusual and he stood still as Elizabeth gave him a rather amorous look and watched as the girl made her way down the hall and to the garden.
Almost a week had passed and Ciel was starting to feel exasperated. Nothing was giving, and he couldn't find his way out of this reality. For normalcy's sake, he slept in the same bed as Elizabeth, and only once so far, he had to skirt around her advances for nightly activities, saying that he had a headache. Thankfully, that had been the end of that.
He spent as much time as he could going over paper work concerning the Funtom Company, which in itself was familiar ground that he really didn't mind doing despite what he really thought of it in what he called the real world. He didn't object to spending time with Elizabeth, and once or twice he actually found himself enjoying her mature company.
But other than that, he didn't really know what to do with himself. He wasn't scheduled to meet anyone anywhere anytime soon, so he found himself searching through the servants to see if he recognized any of them. He mainly looked for any traces of Bard, Finny and Maylene, or anyone from his past that he recognized, but he had no such luck. The faces of the household were unknown to him, but they seemed to know him well and helped him in any way they could.
'I don't even come close to being a grouch here, do I?' he wondered one afternoon when one of the maids brought in his tea, briefly exchanging warm words with him concerning the unusually fair weather. He had responded in kind, a part of his mind finding idle chat to be ridiculous nonetheless.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and another maid appeared. "Sir, Marchioness Middleford is here," she announced, and he nodded, standing up. Elizabeth had mentioned that she'd be visiting in the next couple days. He straightened his jacket and walked to the main entrance where Elizabeth was exchanging a hug with her mother and quickly greeting the footman behind her.
"Aunt Frances, what a pleasant surprise," Ciel welcomed as he descended the last of the steps. Like everyone else, she had aged well, but looked as strict and beautiful as ever. She wore the latest fashion and still demanded authority.
Like most first exchanges, she sighed, a frustrated look in her eyes. "Still sticking with that bedhead, Ciel?" she scolded crossly, and Ciel had no doubts that this was Aunt Frances. "I had hopes that you'd change after marrying my daughter."
He made to reply, but his aunt surprised him with a welcoming hug. Apparently her age and his and Elizabeth's marriage had softened her to a degree. But he wasn't comparing this Aunt Frances to the one he remembered as his gaze froze on the man behind her.
Detaching herself from her nephew, Frances turned to Elizabeth and smiled nicely. "Now, before we rush into all the fundamentals, I have a surprise for you both." Turning halfway, she motioned for the man behind her to come forward.
"Ciel, Elizabeth, this is Sebastian Michaelis, your new butler," the Marchioness introduced with a look of pride upon her face. "Through rigorous interviews and thought, I believe I have handpicked a most suitable butler for your household despite his initial indecency when he first presented himself. Consider it a late wedding gift."
Out of the corner of his eye, Ciel noticed Elizabeth shooting him a look. She obviously had remembered the name he had blurted out over a week ago. He said nothing, knowing that he'd be questioned later.
"My lord and lady," Sebastian said, placing a hand over his heart and bowing low, gaining their attention instantly. He was dressed as Ciel remembered him, his hair slicked back into that professional look his aunt preferred. That genuine smile he always put up for guests was perfectly in place. "I hope to be an excellent addition to your household. Your wishes are my command."
He was an exact replica of the Sebastian Ciel knew. He even spoke like Sebastian, and Ciel was pretty sure that he'd have the same mannerisms as the daemon. But as he looked the man over, his heard thudded as he realized that Sebastian's eyes weren't the color of spilled blood. No, they were a dark brown, almost black color instead. This could only mean…this wasn't real; this was the mess up!
Elizabeth laughed happily, moving forward to embrace her mother. "'A late wedding gift' mother? You must've worked hard to find him for it to be this late!"
"Nonsense!" Frances dismissed. "My daughter and nephew only deserve the best. Isn't that right, Ciel?"
Ciel tore his gaze away from the butler. "O-of course."
Satisfied, the Marchioness pulled off her gloves and handed them to Sebastian. "Now, I propose that you find someone to show him around. Ciel, Elizabeth?" She started toward the open sitting room, intent on staying for a while.
"I'll get Denise to make some tea for us and have George show him around," Elizabeth said, taking her mother's arm. "Ciel? Are you coming?" she asked when she noticed he wasn't following.
Giving Elizabeth a smile, Ciel replied, "You two go ahead, it's been a while since you've seen each other." The Marchioness was about to question further, but he continued. "And since Sebastian will be our butler, I see it fit to personally give him a tour. I think it's only natural that he gets to know his master first, am I right?"
Aunt Frances smirked at him, and it was still an uneasy sight. "You never were virtuous with a sword, Ciel, but you do seem to have a way with words." She turned and the girls departed without a second thought.
Turning back to face Sebastian, Ciel let his façade fall away. He could feel his features settle back into a comfortable scowl as he demanded, "I don't want any more of your games, Sebastian. Tell me what's going on. What have you done?"
To his horror, with a face and voice dripping with honesty, Sebastian replied, "I do not know what you're talking about, my lord."
A/N: And thus the confusion continues. ^.^ Thanks for all the comments, favs and alerts! Oh, and reading too! Feel free to leave a comment on your way out, the next update should be soon!