Chapter 6: Tightrope

Byakuya woke to a familiar sickly feeling and left his bed to flash step to the bathroom and let the sickness out. He remained on his knees afterwards, panting softly and aching to feel Renji's arms wrap around him. But the arms that snaked their way around him weren't nearly so warm, nor was the voice so welcome. Still, Prince Tohma was his spouse. And no wish of his was going to change that reality. It made him wonder if he had done the right thing. He wanted to know the truth, but what good would the truth do anyone? He would still be married to Tohma and he still couldn't be with Renji. So what good would knowing do?

But he still ached to know…

Because Byakuya couldn't help but want to know that the life growing inside him was a last connection to Renji that Tohma couldn't take away. Because even having threatened to kill the child, should he find out it was Renji's, Tohma knew that killing an heir of the Kuchiki family was not something he could do without recourse. If Tohma harmed his child, an appeal could be made to the king. Tohma could be punished and the marriage nullified. It was a delicate situation, but it gave him hope that the prince would not harm him or the baby. It was probably the largest reason that Tohma didn't want to know. He couldn't act anyway if the baby was Renji's without losing Byakuya as well…and for some reason, the prince seemed desperate to keep Byakuya close to him.

Byakuya wondered why that was…

Tohma settled down on the floor with him, arms wrapped around him, his head resting on the noble's pale shoulder.

"Are you all right now?" he asked Byakuya.

I don't understand…how he can be two different people, one kind and gentle, childlike and just desperately wanting to be loved…and the other side cold and calculating, angry and violent. I don't understand…and I don't know with any certainty what will trigger his anger. It comes on so suddenly.

"I am fine," Byakuya answered, forcing himself not to let tension stiffen his body as Tohma's fingers pulled his hair back and the prince's warm lips attacked his throat gently.

"Would you like some tea?"

He would have given anything for a steaming cup of the calming ginger tea that Renji knew how to make.

"Yes…arigato."

He let himself be lifted and guided back to bed. Tohma sent a worried looking Torio scurrying to the kitchen to make the tea and climbed back in bed with Byakuya. He turned onto his side and rested his head lightly on the noble's shouder, letting a hand slip beneath his yukata. He gently rubbed the small bump on Byakuya's abdomen and his face became so calm and happy that Byakuya was stymied once again at the odd variance. But Ginrei had warned him that Prince Tohma was dangerously unpredictable. Still, feeling as awfully sick as he did and not having any way to be with Renji, Byakuya contented himself with relaxing into his spouse's arms and enjoying the gentleness and affection while it lasted. During times like this, it was tempting to forget how angry and vindictive Tohma was. Byakuya resolved to be careful enough not to forget, but he wasn't going to miss the moments of warmth and kindness…because that was all he had left.

"You are so beautiful, holding our child inside you, Byakuya," Tohma whispered, kissing him affectionately, "I know our baby will be so beautiful…"

Byakuya closed his eyes as Tohma's kisses intensified. The prince's tongue found his and caressed it so lovingly, that it seemed for a moment as though reality had shifted and he wasn't with Tohma at all, but was instead being held by Renji. And when he opened his eyes, it wasn't Tohma he saw, but Renji. He knew it was a hallucination, that there was no reality to it, but he took comfort in it anyway, knowing he had no choice but to remain with the prince…at least he could dream that it was Renji's mouth capturing and plundering his, Renji's hands exploring and caressing him, Renji rising up over him and calmly preparing him. And just from being with Renji that one time, he remembered what it felt like to be taken with gentleness and love.

He was surprised that Tohma was treating him with that same kind of affection now. He wondered if it could mean that the prince was beginning to calm, that as the king had suggested, that being away from the pressures of life at court were starting to have an effect. And maybe their last confrontation had cleared the air…and as long as Byakuya stayed away from Renji, everything would be all right.

As long as he stayed away from Renji…

But although avoiding him physically might be possible, there was no escape from the fact that every time he closed his eyes, Renji was there. Renji was there and Byakuya couldn't drive him away. It was Renji's length he felt thrusting into his body, Renji's hips that drove themselves deeply into his, Renji's moans that filled his ears and drove him to the edges of bliss. Pleasure exploded through him and he gasped with delight at the feeling. Heat filled him inside and erupted onto their skin.

But even as the wonderful waves of release still circled around them, he felt the prince's anger swell and his reiatsu rise dangerously.

"How DARE you say that name!" Tohma snarled, "How dare you say his name while you're with me!"

"Tohma…I am sorry…I…"

But the prince had risen up over him and was straddling his body and holding him by the throat. Byakuya shielded himself as well as he could, but being royal born, Tohma's power outstripped his, and after the first few blows, it shattered. Blows with fists and kido seemed to strike him everywhere at once and there was no way to fend them all off.

"Sir! Prince Tohma! Please, sir, stop!" screamed Torio, dropping the tea tray and trying to pull Byakuya away from the enraged prince.

"Take your hands off of my spouse!" Tohma yelled, kido exploding from his hands.

Somehow realizing that the strike would be lethal to the boy, Byakuya shifted his body and absorbed some of the shock. He and Torio were thrown heavily to the floor and Tohma leapt off of the bed, following as Byakuya rose to his knees and pushed his sobbing attendant behind him.

Tohma advanced slowly, his power flaring hotly around him. He glared down at Byakuya and Torio, his chest heaving with fury and his eyes filled with hatred.

"You…" he said in a choked voice, "You said that you accepted the rules of royal privilege, that you would give him up and you would love me! But you are a liar! You are just like the rest of them, Byakuya. My father said he loved me, but all he ever did was push me away! Yoshihiro was the crown prince. He was the important one. Everyone gathered around him and gave him all of their affection until there was nothing left for me! You can see it in their eyes, you know…when you are a disappointment to them? When you aren't able to follow their rules and squeeze yourself into the expectations they have for you? And do you want to know why, Byakuya? Do you want to know what made it so bad? Do you want to know why I finally snapped and couldn't take it anymore? It was because I was being slowly strangled by life at court! By the ones who only pretended to like me because they feared what would happen to them if they did not! By the ones who were dragged in to look me over and to pronounce what was 'wrong' with me and how to cure it. And they came from everywhere and my parents tried everything. They punished me, cajoled me, tempted and pleaded, manipulated and twisted. But all the while, they never did the one thing that would have worked…that would have shattered my defenses and brought me back to them again. They couldn't love me…nor could Aika, nor could Naoki…"

Tears slid down Tohma's face and he dropped to his knees in front of the stunned noble and his petrified attendant.

"That's why I chose you," he said, reaching out and touching Byakuya's bruised cheek, "I chose you because I thought that of all of the ones they considered, you had the most heart. I thought that, if anyone could make a place for me and love me…that you could. But that is…that hope is…"

Byakuya gently took the hand that touched his face and moved it to his abdomen. He watched as Tohma's tear-stained face registered shock and his breath caught and released in a broken sob.

"That hope is still here," Byakuya said quietly, "Tohma…I said that I was sorry for what happened. You must have known that it would be difficult for me to simply forget my feelings for Renji. That doesn't mean that I do not have room in my heart for you. But it takes time to build love. Please…try to be patient while I adjust. This is difficult for both of us, but…it is not hopeless."

The prince nodded wearily and sank into Byakuya's arms, sobbing brokenly against his shoulder.

"Torio," the noble said softly, "leave us."

"B-but s-sir," the youth stammered, white-faced, "You are hurt…bleeding…"

"I will manage…"

"I'm not leaving you like this," the attendant said, moving around and placing his hands on the noble.

Healing power flared and Byakuya gave Torio a grateful nod.

"Arigato, Torio," he said softly, "Please be sure to see the clan healer when you are done. You were a bit knocked about, yourself."

"Hai, Kuchiki-sama."

"And Torio…"

"Sir?"

"You are not to mention this to anyone. Do you understand?"

"B-but…"

"This was my fault. I made a grave mistake that caused him great pain. And in any case, it is a private matter. You will not reveal this to anyone."

"Hai, Kuchiki-sama," Torio said, his blue eyes moving uneasily to the inconsolable prince.

He carefully healed Byakuya's wounds, then rose and cleaned up the spilled tea and broken china. With a last, worried glance, he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Back in the room, Byakuya worked his way to his feet, bringing Tohma to his feet as well. The prince rested heavily against him, silent now, but with his reiatsu still swelling with dark emotion. Byakuya helped him back into the bed, then slid in beside him and turned into his arms.

"You aren't even angry with me?" Tohma asked softly, "You're not going to go to Renji and tell him how awful I am to you so that he will come and rescue you from the bastard prince you married?"

"What good would that do anyone?" Byakuya asked softly, "It wouldn't change things…and would only result in Renji's execution if he did interfere. And in any case, I do not require rescuing. I am committed to making our marriage work, Tohma. And once you realize that, you will not be driven to anger so easily. But trust and love take time to build. You must be patient with me. I am trying."

Tohma's head turned and he nuzzled closer to Byakuya.

"I know you are…it's just…hearing you say his name like that while we were…"

"I know…it was heartbreaking. And I will not allow it to happen again. All that happened was that I became less guarded with you…and I said something I hadn't intended to."

"But you must admit that you still love Renji…and you don't yet love me. You love him by choice and you accept me by dictate."

"You must stop worrying about such things. You are the person I am married to…and you are the one who will be raising this child with me."

Tohma managed a small smile and rested a hand lightly on Byakuya's abdomen.

"Yes, of course, you're right, Byakuya," he said softly, closing his eyes, "This child…our child."

Byakuya watched quietly as the prince dropped off into a troubled sleep. He waited until his sleep deepened and he seemed more settled, then pulled free of him and slipped out into the gardens. He walked slowly, highly aware of the fact that although the cuts and bruises had been healed, there would still be some residual pain he would experience for a day or so after. He knew he was lucky that the baby had not been harmed. But Tohma had seemed to avoid striking him in the abdominal area…as though, even in the worst of his rage, he still felt something for his child.

He was a horribly complex person…

"You're quite caught up in thought, aren't you?" asked a feminine voice from behind him.

"Senpai," Byakuya said, turning, "Come, let's get out of the gardens and we can talk up by the waterfall. Did the guards see you?"

"No, baka, of course not," Yoruichi said, looking offended.

They flash stepped out of the gardens and up the forest path, sending the breeze through the tree branches. In moments, they stood at the top of the waterfall. Yoruichi looked at him appraisingly.

"You look even paler than usual," she commented.

"Not unheard of for one being with child," Byakuya answered.

She stepped closer, reaching up to touch his face and frowning.

"I see he hasn't changed a bit since Naoki," she commented, shaking her head, "Byakuya, you are in a world of trouble."

"Do not worry, Senpai. I have no intention of sharing your cousin's fate. And in any case, as long as I carry his child, Prince Tohma will restrain himself from inflicting serious damage."

"Byakuya, you are fooling yourself. I can see the signs of your healing. I know it was bad."

"It wasn't as bad as you think…and in any case, it isn't why I asked you here. I need your help."

"At least we agree on that," the purple haired lady said dryly.

"Amusing, Senpai, but I would like to get through this before Tohma wakes."

"What is it then?" Yoruichi asked.

"It's about the fertilization process. You know that when the prince was with me the first time, it altered my body and reiatsu to allow me to reproduce. But he failed to wait until after our wedding. In fact, he lay with me the first day I was in the spirit dimension."

"Which explains Renji's story about you being confined in the tower."

"Actually," Byakuya said, "That came about over another incident that was witnessed by the king, himself."

"Ah…I see. He wasn't happy with his son trying out the goods before the binding, ne?"

"He…and my grandfather…were less than pleased."

"Ouch!" muttered Yoruichi.

"But this is about something else. You see…before the summons arrived, Renji and I were together."

"Whoa…" said Yoruichi, "You mean…right before? As in within three days?"

"As in, the night before. So when the prince was with me and I became fertile…"

"It could have been either one…Byakuya!" hissed Yoruichi, "Byakuya, you can't let him find out!"

"He knows. I told him."

"You…what?" Yoruichi asked, stunned, "Did he order a paternity test? I know he forced Soutaichou to take you completely off duty until the birth…"

"Prince Tohma says the child is his and that there will be no paternity test."

"Wh-what?"

"He ordered me to keep silent about it…to tell no one…and not, under any circumstances, to be tested."

"B-but that means that this child could be Renji's…and he doesn't want to know? Why not? Isn't that the first thing a person would want to know?"

"I didn't understand at first either, but I think I'm beginning to. Yoruichi, Prince Tohma is a royal son, a powerful man, but he is weak of heart…and this weakness makes him seek love as though it were water of air. Anything that gets in the way of that, meets with his fury. He becomes angry and violent."

"And that's how you ended up needing healing," Yoruichi said, nodding, "But, Byakuya, even if you understand him, you can't stay with him. He will kill you and that baby, his or not! I think you know that."

"No…Yoruichi, if I leave him, he will make sure that Renji dies and then that I do. We will both be destroyed if I don't hold this marriage together. I managed to calm him and I gave him hope."

Yoruichi sighed softly, a sad look taking over her face.

"Naoki thought he could manage the prince's emotions too, Byakuya. And he certainly did try. But just when it seemed he had started to really make a difference, he made a fatal mistake. He happened to be seen just talking to his former lover. I was there, Byakuya…I saw. And Tohma took Naoki apart very publicly. Faced with that, the king felt he had no choice. He had my cousin executed for infidelity. Byakuya…I don't want to see that happen to you."

"I know that, Senpai…and I will be careful."

"Does Renji know the baby could be his?" she asked.

Byakuya's lips tightened and he shook his head.

"He cannot be told. Tohma said that if the child was proven to be Renji's, then he would force me to abort the pregnancy."

Yoruichi's eyes widened.

"Byakuya…"

"You are not to tell Renji. If he knew, and if the child turned out to be his…Yoruichi, you know Renji. He wouldn't be able to help himself. He would try to rescue both of us. But you and I are noble. We know what the outcome of that would be. Renji and I would lose our child and our lives. You know this…"

"Then why do you want to know, Byakuya? What good will it do?"

Byakuya loosed a soft sigh.

"It will leave me with something of the one I love. I may not have him, but I might have this part of him…"

Yoruichi brushed a tear away from her eye and nodded.

"Okay," she said in a choked voice, "Okay, Byakuya, I will help you."

She paused, thinking for a moment.

"Renji is around Urahara's all of the time. We can easily get some reiatsu samples from him."

Byakuya withdrew a small vial that glowed softly from within.

"This is a sample of the baby's reiatsu. I need Urahara to examine them and to get word back to me…"

"I will bring word back myself," Yoruichi promised, "And in the meantime, I want you to be careful. Tohma can be loving and affectionate, but do not let that make you forget that he is also dangerous, Byakuya. I don't to lose you."

"Why not?" he replied with calm sarcasm, "You left me readily enough…"

"We weren't in love…and besides, Kisuke was…"

"I know chapter and verse why you left, Senpai. I have lost my anger over it."

"But you still have to smack me with it now and again, ne?" Yoruichi said, smiling.

"Of course," he said, smiling.

"Who is your friend?" said Tohma's voice from behind them, "Is that Shihoin Yoruichi? I wasn't aware that you were still friends. Yoruichi…it has been a long time."

"Yes," said the purple haired lady stiffly.

"Still holding a grudge over your cousin?" the prince asked, "I did apologize. I did love Naoki. It is unfortunate how things ended."

"Yes, it is."

Yoruichi nodded to Byakuya.

"I am off. I will see you again soon, Byakuya."

Byakuya and Tohma watched as Yoruichi disappeared.

"Still as fast as ever," Tohma commented, "Does she come to see you often?"

"Here and there," Byakuya said carefully, "I do not invite her. She just appears and disappears at will."

"Hmmm…" said the prince, "Flighty things, the Shihoins…"

"Yes," Byakuya agreed.

"Well, in any case, I have had the staff prepare us a fabulous lunch…and I have something for you."

Byakuya looked up at him questioningly. Tohma reached into his pocket and withdrew a gold necklace with a gold dipped sakura blossom.

"It's a real blossom, taken from the king's own gardens. It will bring us good fortune."

He placed it carefully around Byakuya's neck.

"Please forgive me, my love. I never meant to hurt you. I reacted badly…and I will try not to let it happen again.

He leaned forward and kissed Byakuya warmly.

"Come…let us forget this unpleasantness. It is a lovely day and I would like to share a walk with you."

Byakuya nodded silently, took Tohma's hand and followed him back down the path towards the manor.