Chapter 7: Longing to Touch
Byakuya stood patiently in the dressing area of his bedroom, looking into the mirror as Torio finished setting his kimono in place. The noble ran his hand over his more prominent abdomen and sighed softly. He felt sick to his stomach again, but breathed through the feeling, not wanting to succumb to the urge to loose the contents of his stomach while so elegantly dressed. It was silly, he knew, to be so vain, but for a man carrying a child, he was finding that some vanity seemed necessary to hang on to any semblance of his dignity. The baby stirred and kicked beneath his hand, bringing a smile to his lips.
So his dignity might have been sacrificed, but there were good points to carrying this child as well…
He wondered at how quickly the baby was growing, at how the reiatsu had begun to pulse with its own life…how it stirred when he rested his hand over it. Despite everything, it was a comfort to have that feeling of not being so alone, of not having lost everything in his service to the royal family. Due mostly to Tohma's constant presence at his side, Yoruichi still had not approached him with the results of the paternity test, though he knew they must be available by now.
"Let me look at you, Byakuya," Tohma said, smiling.
His spouse had seemed to calm significantly after the last, violent outburst and since had been mostly affectionate, with only a few moments of heated words…and only one instance in which he had grabbed Byakuya roughly by the wrist before catching himself and reining in his temper. Torio remained a constant presence at Byakuya's side, watching over him every moment except when he turned the noble over to Tohma during the night. With as much time as he spent in bed, Byakuya should have been well rested, but the prince was always hungry for heavy physical contact, and as a result, Byakuya often woke with red markings and bruises Torio was left to heal. Byakuya was deeply grateful that his assistant kept a careful watch on his tongue. Torio knew how dangerous the prince could be and knew well to pick his battles carefully or he would not remain alive to protect his master.
The one area of deepest concern left to Byakuya was the prince's insistence on attending council meetings. At first, he sat quietly and merely listened, but as time went on, he began to involve himself more deeply. As a member of the royal family, it was, of course, within his rights to do so, but Byakuya had been under the impression that his status as a clan leader and Taichou was one of the reasons the king and prince had decided to house them at Kuchiki Manor. As time went on and Tohma became more animated and involved, Byakuya and the other council members were forced to yield to his wishes. Byakuya sensed the elders' frustration, but no one dared voice their concerns as all were aware of the volatility of the prince.
"You look wonderful," Tohma said, moving in close and placing a warm hand on the noble's abdomen.
The reiatsu beneath it flared and Byakuya winced and took a slow breath. He wondered if perhaps the child inside him was to be as intense in personality as his father…
He stopped himself for a moment, thinking again of the long absent Yoruichi and wondering then if the child was Renji's and somehow already knew this man was dangerous to him.
"Are you all right, watashi no koi?" the prince said, standing and wrapping an arm around his noble counterpart.
Byakuya felt the creeping feeling of suffocation and his stomach lurched.
"I…I am fine," he managed, "I just…need a moment."
He fled to the bathroom with Torio on his heels and fell to his knees, retching. He heard Tohma's step and threw up again, forcefully. The prince's hand settled on his shoulder and rubbed gently. He retched again, then fell back against Tohma, breathing slowly and trying to stave off the dizziness.
"I would hate to have to forego our visitation to the cherry blossom viewing."
Byakuya shook his head.
"I am all right. This is normal. I was told to expect it would be problematic at times," he insisted.
"Are you sure?" Tohma asked, "You wouldn't want to recklessly endanger our baby, would you, Byakuya?"
"Of course not," the noble answered quickly, hating the harshness in the question.
Tohma was fiercely protective of the baby…to the point of making Byakuya feel unimportant, even sometimes forgotten…
"Kuchiki-sama would never endanger your child, my lord," Torio said, bowing his head, "He loves the child too much."
"Silence," Tohma said shortly as he helped the noble to his feet, "I'll have no more of your interference. You are here to serve your master, not to inject your imperfect viewpoints into our conversation."
"Torio meant no harm, Tohma," Byakuya said quietly, "He simply worries for me."
"Well," said the prince, his reiatsu rising warningly, "He can worry in silence."
Byakuya exchanged glances with the attendant and both fell silent. Tohma slipped an arm around Byakuya and turned him back towards the bedroom.
"Are you certain you don't wish to rest a bit, first? I could lie down with you…" Tohma offered.
Byakuya forced a tentative smile.
"I am much better now, Tohma, and I look forward to attending the cherry blossom viewing with you. It will be good to leave the manor for a bit. I feel like I hardly see the outside world."
Tohma laced his fingers together with Byakuya's.
"Ah, but that is only because you are with child. It won't be much longer now."
"Yes…" Byakuya agreed, "I am looking forward to meeting this little one…and getting a bit of my life back."
Tohma frowned thoughtfully.
"How do you mean?" he asked as they turned out of the room and started towards the front gate.
"I mean that it will be good to resume my work in the sixth division. It feels unnatural not to have even checked in during all of this time."
"Yes…and while I am certain you will enjoy a return to your former position, I must tell you that I have heard nothing of Abarai Renji's advancement. Do you know why?"
Byakuya shook his head.
"I have had no word of happenings in the division."
"You have been very focused on preparing for our child's birth."
"Yes," the noble agreed, "but even so, I should check in and see…"
Byakuya gasped as Tohma grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him back against the wall. Torio froze in his tracks, staring, but too terrified to speak.
"You will not go to the sixth division until Abarai Renji has been promoted or transferred, Byakuya. You understand why…"
Byakuya stared into the prince's eyes, very aware of Torio taking a step closer.
"I understand," he said quickly, "I will not make contact with the sixth division until Renji is no longer there…"
Tohma nodded and his hands loosened, allowing Byakuya to step away from the wall.
"Oh…see there, your misbehavior has resulted in a tear in your lovely kimono…" Tohma said, shaking his head.
Byakuya turned his head and studied the small tear. He adjusted the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu to cover it.
"You see," he said, giving Tohma a small smile, "No harm done."
The prince gazed at him appraisingly for a moment, then nodded, took his hand and continued walking. They exited through the front gates and made their way to the central Seireitei. Tohma studied the array of trees in the main square dismissively.
"The trees at our home are much more lovely, I think. I…"
He broke off, looking at something in the distance, then back at Byakuya. Byakuya followed his eyes to where Renji stood with Rukia and Shuuhei. Byakuya caught his breath softly, noting that Renji had an arm around the ninth division fukutaichou and was smiling and was leaning close and saying something to him.
"Oh…Byakuya…" said Tohma softly, "I am so sorry. I had heard rumors, of course, but I had no idea he would have found someone again so soon...and to let you see so callously like that."
Byakuya saw Renji's head turn and he flash stepped away, leaving a smiling Tohma behind with a confused Torio looking after. The prince turned to the attendant and sighed softly.
"Come Torio. He will likely return to the manor. We should have remained there in the first place. He only set himself up to be hurt."
The two flash stepped away, not noticing that Renji had also disappeared.
XXXXXXXXXX
Byakuya sat beneath a sakura tree in a remote park, carefully masking his reiatsu so that Tohma would be unlikely to find him. He was glad for the cover of the trees around him, as it offered him a quiet place to struggle with the sudden swell of emotion that had stricken him upon seeing Renji with the Squad Nine fukutaichou. He knew he should be happy that Renji was able to find happiness again. He shouldn't feel his heart breaking. Being married to Tohma, he hadn't the right to feel anything of the sort. His relationship with Renji was over.
"Byakuya."
He looked away for a moment to dry his eyes, then looked up at Yoruichi. The purple-haired woman smiled, but then saw the look on his face and sobered.
"You're not an easy man to approach, Byakuya."
"I know," the noble admitted, "Tohma is very…attentive."
"I would say overbearing," Yoruichi corrected him, "but that's just me. In any case, I didn't come to start an argument. I thought that you would want the results of the…"
"No…"
"What?"
"I don't want the results," Byakuya said softly, "because if it is Renji's child, it won't change anything. I will still be married to Tohma. Renji will still move on in his life. He doesn't need a connection to me."
"Renji has been miserable," said Yoruichi, "He has had an awful time."
"He looked well enough today…and I want him to be well."
"You can't brush this one off, Byakuya. Whether you want to hear this or not, you are having Renji's baby. It's definite."
Byakuya fell silent, watching the cherry blossoms fall around him. Yoruichi shook her head.
"I know you don't really want my advice, but you need to know there is more going on here than you think. Tohma has been meeting with some powerful shinigamis. He is up to something."
"You don't think he would hurt Renji?" asked the noble.
"I don't know who his target is," Yoruichi admitted, "but Kisuke, Ichigo and I are all investigating this. Byakuya…one of the possible targets is his brother. Think about that. If something happens to his brother, Tohma will be crown prince…and you and I both know that would be a disaster."
"But Tohma seems perfectly happy here. Things have been much better between us…"
"Byakuya," Yoruichi said, leaning forward and taking his face in her hands, "you are living in a dream world! Things are not fine! You don't see it, but he is keeping you in the dark, you and the council, carefully controlling your movements. He is up to something…and whatever it is, we can't let it happen."
"And what do you suggest I do?" Byakuya asked, "If I breathe too loud it sets him off. I have a child to protect…"
"And you cannot let him know it's Renji's. But Byakuya, if Tohma is targeting his brother, and he becomes crown prince…then you know they will have to conduct a paternity test. That baby is Renji's. You know what will happen if it is proven that you concealed such a thing! You would be executed, Byakuya, whether or not Prince Tohma also knew!"
"Tohma doesn't care whose child this is."
"You are wrong," Yoruichi insisted, "I think he said that to take you off guard. You can bet that if he finds out, you and your baby will be in danger. Byakuya…"
"There is nothing I can do. I…"
He stopped as Renji flash stepped into view and stopped in front of them.
"Is, uh…Is everything okay?" he asked.
Yoruichi met Byakuya's eyes meaningfully.
"I have to go. You two should talk."
She disappeared before either man could answer. Byakuya wrapped an arm around his abdomen and gazed off into the distance.
"What was that about?" Renji asked quietly, "Is something going on?"
"N-no…"
"Really," said Renji, looking unconvinced, "Because I think you looked pretty rattled…before, at the…"
"That doesn't matter, Renji. Before I was married, it would have mattered…but I have no right to wish you anything but happiness with your new lover."
"He's not…"
"It doesn't matter," Byakuya said, cutting him off, "You are free to see who you want. I lost all rights to care about that when I married Tohma."
Renji shook his head and crossed his arms.
"Byakuya…Taichou…it hasn't been so long since we were together. And it's not like we chose to part ways. I need time to come fully to terms with that, just as you do. I am not going to just go and hop in bed with someone else…really…what I felt for you…what I still feel inside is way too strong."
That's why I cannot tell you. That's why, though it hurts to keep it inside, I will. I have to now. If you know this baby is ours, you won't be able to move on…and neither will I…
"So don't read too much into what you saw. I was only talking to him like that because we are friends…good friends…and we were happy because I might take the taichou's post in Squad Nine."
"You tested?"
"Not yet," Renji said, moving closer, "I will only test when my taichou returns to work, so that he can be there to set the haori on me."
"Renji…"
"That is what every fukutaichou works for. And that time will come, but not until after you have your baby and come back to work."
Byakuya didn't answer, but nodded silently in acknowledgement.
"You want me to walk you back to the manor?" Renji asked, "Or we can find someone…"
"No, Renji…"
The redhead reached out and caught his hand, pulling him to his feet.
"What are you doing here, Abarai?" asked Tohma, appearing suddenly on the other side of the tree.
"I was walking home," Renji said in a collected tone as Byakuya pulled his hand free, "I saw Kuchiki taichou alone in the park and thought he looked upset about something."
"Well, that's really not your business…and Byakuya is fine. His pregnancy has merely made him prone to bouts of melancholy."
Renji's lips tightened, but he caught Byakuya's look of warning and turned away.
"Fine. Take care, Taichou. I will see you when you come back to work."
Tohma stared as the redhead disappeared into the distance.
"I did tell you that it was a bad idea going out today…"
He glanced over at the silent, frowning expression.
"And it appears that it was difficult for you seeing him again…"
"I have made peace with the end of our relationship," Byakuya said softly, "But I do think you are right that it was a mistake to come out today. I would like to return home, if you do not mind."
"Of course not," smiled Tohma, looping an arm through his.
They walked back through the central square and turned toward the manor, Byakuya leaning slightly against the prince. They passed through the gates at Kuchiki Manor and met Torio. Tohma's eyes flicked to the attendant.
"Go and make tea," he said shortly.
"Hai, my lord," Torio said, turning away.
Tohma followed Byakuya into the bedroom and closed the doors behind them. He turned back and flash stepped across the room, capturing the noble and bringing him down on his back on the bed.
"You weren't alone in that park when Abarai found you…I know!" he said angrily, holding Byakuya down, "I know you were with Shihoin Yoruichi!"
"Why would that matter?"
He was stopped and thrown back against the bed as the back of Tohma's hand struck him across the face.
"I told you not to seek a paternity test, Byakuya. I warned you!"
"How did you…?"
Tohma tore the sakura pendant from his throat.
"This is how I knew! I suspected you were moving behind my back to start up with Abarai again. I warned you not to go near him and not to seek to know if the child was his! But you had to know, Byakuya, didn't you? You couldn't simply let everyone go on with their lives. You had to go behind my back. You had to…"
"It doesn't matter…" Byakuya insisted.
The prince tore him off of the bed and threw him to the floor. Byakuya turned and started to rise, but something snapped sharply across his back, sending him to his knees again. He turned and caught the heavy whip as the prince swung it at him again.
"How dare you!" he flared, suddenly, surging to his feet and yanking the whip, "I am a noble and I am your royal life partner! How dare you strike me like a common beast!"
Taking advantage of the noble's condition, Tohma pulled him off balance and shoved him to the ground. He quickly bound Byakuya's hands to the bedpost with his strongest kido. Byakuya struggled to free himself as the whip fell across his back again.
"You have forgotten who is in control!" screamed Tohma, striking him repeatedly with the whip and leaving bloody streaks on his back, "I am your master! You obey me! If you had stepped over the last line and told Abarai about the child, I would have torn it out of you."
He stopped for a moment, realizing that Byakuya had ceased fighting back.
"I had to punish you for defying me," he said, panting with exertion, "but if you agree not to tell him…ever…I will let this go. Just…promise me…"
Byakuya leaned against the bedpost, too dizzy to answer.
"Byakuya," Tohma said, raising the whip again.
"I…I won't," the noble managed.
Tohma took a breath and the anger drained out of him. He leaned down and broke the kido holding Byakuya's wrists. The noble dropped to the floor with a pained gasp. Tohma walked to the door and opened it.
"Torio!" he called sharply, "Come here at once!"
The attendant appeared with a tea tray in hand. He set it on the dresser and flash stepped to Byakuya, kneeling at his side and making a sound of dismay at the sight of his wounds.
"Byakuya has been injured," the prince said off-handedly, "Heal him…then return to your other duties."
The prince flash stepped away, leaving the two alone.
"Sir," said Torio in a shaken voice, "Please…you can't let this go on!"
"Just…do as he says," Byakuya ordered the youth, "and in the morning, I will have you reassigned. I won't risk him doing harm to you."
"To me?" Torio cried, tears rising in his eyes, "What about you, Kuchiki-sama! What about your child?"
"He won't hurt the baby. I won't anger him again…"
"You can't help angering him," sobbed the youth, touching his hands to the noble's bleeding back and raising his power, "Kuchiki-sama, he is crazy…He'll kill us both!"
"No," Byakuya said urgently, "He won't harm me. But you must leave, Torio. As soon as you are finished, I will send you on an errand…and you are to go to Urahara Kisuke in Karakura Town. I order it!"
"No, sir! I won't leave you! You cannot make me leave! Please, we have to find help…before he really hurts you and your baby!"
"Take a breath, Torio," Byakuya said, touching the boy's shoulder, "Calm yourself. We will work together to manage things. You realize that we have no other choices. He is the prince."
Torio fell silent and carefully healed the noble. As he finished and helped Byakuya into bed, Tohma appeared in the doorway with several wildflowers in hand. He approached the bed, smiling apologetically.
"Torio," he said quietly, "Leave us."
The boy knew better than to hesitate. Tohma moved to the bed, climbing in next to the noble and touching the flowers to his freshly healed face. Byakuya flinched and turned his head away. Tohma caught him by the chin and looked into his eyes.
"I am sorry, my love…my behavior was uncalled for. It just angered me so that you would go behind my back…and I wondered why you would want to even know. You belong to me. You must accept that."
"I do accept it, Tohma…I do. I made a mistake in asking Yoruichi for help. I shouldn't have done that. I am sorry."
Tohma smiled.
"No harm done…as long as you let this go now. Will you, Byakuya?"
The noble hesitated for a moment, then nodded.
"Renji is moving on with his life. If you were listening, then you know that."
"Well…not really, from his words…but I will trust you, Byakuya. Only do not test me again. You must stay away from Renji and never tell him the child is his."
"I will stay away from him…and I will say nothing," Byakuya agreed.
"Good," Tohma said, standing and pulling Byakuya down to the end of the bed.
He moved in between his thighs and moved their clothing out of the way. Byakuya closed his eyes and turned his head away as the prince pushed into him and began to thrust in and out.
"Then everything will be all right now."
Tohma set his hands on either side of Byakuya's head and thrust in harder. Byakuya felt hot breath touch his skin and shivered at the odd, glazed look in Tohma's eyes. He seemed to have disappeared into the harsh motion of his body, not even seeing the noble anymore. The prince's breath shortened and grew ragged and he held himself inside Byakuya as his hot seed filled the noble. He pulled free and dropped down onto the bed, wrapping his body around Byakuya's and drifting off to sleep.
Byakuya lay quietly, tears running down his face as he remembered his conversation with Renji in the park.
It's over. It is truly over. I can never tell him. He can never know...