Giving It Up

"You know, it's probably all that rotten air from London," Lady Phantomhive speculated. "More and more factories are springing up, and of course the winds have to blow all that smoke our way."

Ciel placed his glass of water back on the table, leaning back into the large cushioned chair. At times he still felt winded, but other than that, he had recovered well from the unexpected attack. "That'll explain a lot," he commented with a smile, referencing his childhood. "Back home we're surrounded by country, so I wouldn't doubt it if the air is cleaner there than here."

"Well I'm sure that the air quality here was much cleaner twenty years ago," his mother continued, sighing. "It's just industry, industry, industry from here on out, I'm afraid."

Ciel nodded, glad to see that unlike other women her age, his mother actually read the paper and kept up with the news. He was also impressed to hear that she had been able to keep her asthma in control as well.

"So, are you sure you're alright? You haven't had an attack that bad since you were little." His mother took another sip of her tea and turned to Sebastian, who was standing near the doorway, ready for orders. "Sebastian, would you mind reheating this tea?"

Sebastian smiled and bowed. "Of course, my lady." He took the teapot and the plate that held most of the eaten snacks and left the room soundlessly.

His mother smiled appreciatively. "So who referred Sebastian to you again?"

Swallowing an isolated cough that threatened to escape, Ciel answered, "Aunt Frances brought him to us. She trained him for a year and a half, and he somehow managed to pass her test."

Crossing her legs with a smile, his mother said, "I wouldn't doubt Frances' tactics. She picked out a lovely man to be your and Elizabeth's butler. He's so polite and seems to never miss a beat. I mean, look what he did for you!"

Keeping his blush at bay was harder than Ciel thought, but he succeeded. Why did his mother have to say such things? "Yes, he's proved to be worth his salt."

They lapsed into comfortable silence, awaiting Sebastian's return. Ciel listened to the clock tick and glanced out the window at the gardens beyond, yet again having to control his face from coloring embarrassingly as his eyes regarded the hedges. He distracted himself with a question he'd meant to ask a few days ago.

"Do you and father still have that townhouse in London?" he asked.

His mother nodded. "Yes. Though, I don't see why you'd want to go to London after what happened."

"I know. I have an order that came in a week ago and I need to pick it up," Ciel fibbed, not liking the idea of lying to his parents, but at this point he was willing to do anything to get some peace and quiet for a couple days to think things through. "Besides, Elizabeth's wanted some kind of dress for a while, so…"

His mother laughed good-naturedly as he treaded water. "When were you the one to ever get flustered, Ciel? Of course you can have it for a couple days. It's been a while since you've been there. Just make sure Sebastian dusts from top to bottom; I don't want another scare from you!"

"Of course," Ciel said a little shakily, feeling embarrassed about stumbling awkwardly in front of his own mother. Thankfully, before either one of them could say another word on the matter, Sebastian returned.

"Thank you, Sebastian," his mother acknowledged, humming as she drank her tea. "Wonderful job."

"Many thanks, my lady." Ciel watched as the man bowed, and he rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" his mother asked for the umpteenth time, and Ciel could swear that if he ever really got sick, he'd shoot himself.

Embracing her, Ciel replied, "Yes, mother. I'll be fine. Sebastian will know what to do, and I've already given orders to have the place cleaned."

Hugging her son back tightly as if it were the last time they'd see each other, his mother kissed him on the forehead and let him go. Ciel shook hands with his father, remembering what they had discussed about the Queen's cases.

"Ah, Campbell meant to give you this," his father remembered, pulling a sheet of paper out of his pocket. Ciel unfolded it and found it to be a list of overseas companies and phone numbers. Ciel thanked him and gave his parents his last words before parting.

Sebastian held the carriage door open for him and he got in, his butler following. When the manor was out of sight, Ciel relaxed. However, his doubts that this would be the last time seeing his parents didn't take root like he had expected.

"Did you call Elizabeth?" he asked after a while, watching the blossoming scenery pass by.

"Yes."

"And?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Ciel could see Sebastian smirking. "Of course the lady was saddened by this sudden news, but she understood."

Ciel sighed. "Thank goodness," he muttered. Besides, bringing Elizabeth home a new dress should take all her despondency away if anything.

A moment of silence passed before Sebastian ventured, "If it isn't too bold to broach the subject, I've noticed from day one that you and the lady don't seem to be compatible. At least on your part, my lord."

He wanted to seethe at the audacious comment, but Ciel merely turned his attention fully on the butler sitting across from him, his gaze half weary, half warning. "She and I are not supposed to be married. We are only engaged."

Sebastian probably supposed that this topic was up for discussion, for he dropped half of the formalities. "I presume this matter ties in with our relationship."

"I haven't told you differently, have I?"

"No, my lord."

They lapsed into silence once more, the only sounds being the rickety noise of the carriage bumping along the road and the horses trotting. Despite what had transpired between them a couple days ago, Ciel felt content in Sebastian's presence.

"I don't think I'll ever truly come to love Elizabeth the way she loves me," he said out of the blue, not looking at Sebastian.

"Oh? Then you hold no feelings for such a lovely young lady?" Sebastian inquired, obviously intrigued by his master's unusually loose tongue.

Normally, he knew that he would've scoffed, but Ciel did no such thing as he explained, "Of course I have feelings for her, she's my cousin and friend." He paused, thinking how he'd never reveal himself this way. "Just not enough to be her husband."

Ciel knew that he was speaking the truth, and it surprised him how easily he was able to share something like that. Daemon Sebastian knew of his feelings for Elizabeth well enough, but this Sebastian didn't. An odd feeling of peace surrounded him when he glanced at his butler.

Sebastian's lips were twisted somewhere between a smile and smirk. Using his master's familiarity around him to his advantage, he dared to ask, "Does the master feel guilt?"

Snapping his head to face Sebastian, Ciel felt his hands ball into fists, embarrassed that he was read so easily. He held his tongue, in no mood to quarrel with the teasing man. "Just…be quiet unless you want to sit outside again," he uttered, ending their conversation for now.

They arrived at the townhouse just as it was getting dark, and Sebastian quickly carried in their luggage and went to work dusting the rooms Ciel instructed him to clean. As he did this, Ciel walked around, finding the house to be the same as he remembered.

Upon first sight as they walked up to the front door, he had expected Soma and Agni to greet them with happy tears in their eyes. With a breath of relief that they weren't here to annoy him with their presences, Ciel went about his business and settled in his bedroom.

Nothing was different. It was as if he had just visited yesterday, the foreigners fussing over him when he and Sebastian came back from the circus. Again, Ciel had to double take when he noticed that the sheets and designs were all the same, for a split second unsure of where he was.

"Would you like dinner, my lord?" Sebastian asked him when he was done with his cleaning chores. He had removed his jacket and his sleeves were rolled up, his gloves gone for the night.

Stripped of his top hat and coat, Ciel turned away from the window, his arms crossed. "No, I don't feel like eating. And yes, I'm alright."

Sebastian smiled at the last comment and bowed. "Then I must assume that I am no longer of any use to you for tonight."

Glancing at the clock on the side desk, Ciel shook his head. "No, I want you to stay here."

His butler said nothing, but Ciel could swear that he saw a fleeting smirk. Ignoring it, he crossed over to the miniature sitting area on the other side of the room and motioned for Sebastian to take a seat.

To be honest with himself, Ciel really didn't know where to start. Everything was going too fast between his incapacity to recognize whether or not this was real and his confusing stirrings of attraction toward Sebastian.

As far as he could tell, there was nothing wrong with this reality. Everyone was as he remembered, except older. His parents and relatives all retained the same attitudes and personalities, and his long forgotten servants still had their individual charms. Every structure was the same down to the last detail, and anything that did seem out of place, there was always a legitimate explanation.

For example, within the first two days at the Phantomhive estate during the holiday, Ciel had noticed something astray. The playful and loyal dog named Sebastian was nowhere to be found, and for a moment, he thought he found a glitch. That is, until he asked his mother about him, and she sadly replied with a hint of confusion that he had passed away just after Ciel had turned fourteen. Ciel had to play off of that, saying that it was still shocking and that he had momentarily forgotten. Last he knew, Sebastian had died along with his parents in the fire.

Resting his elbow on the arm of the chair and setting his chin atop his hand, Ciel lapsed into silence, ignoring Sebastian for now. His mind worked hard to figure something out that would explain this oddity, but nothing would give. There were no clues or people he could investigate this time. He was on his own, and not even Sebastian could help him.

Should he just give in? Was it all really just a nightmare? It didn't seem possible. He remembered so much. The sight of his dead parents and the horrors of his imprisonment were too much to be fake memories. Those scars ran too deep. Ciel knew that he was holding onto the personality he had developed from those experiences, hoping that this wasn't real, but was it all just folly on his part?

The warmth of family and friends that he'd forgotten had been overwhelming, but he had surprisingly opened his arms wide and welcomed it. He supposed that was just part of being human, but…

He already said it: he could never come to truly love Elizabeth. But was that meant to be? In this reality, would he love Elizabeth the way she did him? Ciel couldn't be certain, and he was pretty sure he'd never be confident about that. Yet Elizabeth had said that he used to be happy all the time around her, but could he have been putting up a front, even on their wedding day? Ciel rubbed his temples.

What if this was really his life? What if he was letting some imprudent dream hold him back from living it? Should he give up, was it worth holding onto false memories? Ciel suddenly felt himself facing a rather difficult decision.

"My lord?" Sebastian interjected, and with a wave of relief to be disrupted, Ciel looked up, a little shocked to see such a concerned face looking at him.

"Out of all the cases I've solved, this is by far the most difficult, Sebastian," Ciel muttered with a sigh, feeling weary, his eyes starting to ache. "I might as well call myself crazy."

"Permission to speak freely, my lord."

"Granted." Daemon or not, Ciel felt like Sebastian was the only one he could trust, and he didn't doubt the other.

"If it's any consolation, my lord, I believe that you're telling the truth," Sebastian said, and Ciel's eyes narrowed.

"You're just sympathizing with me."

"No, my lord. I may have never had any experience with what you're going through, and I may not know you as well as you think I do, but not just as a butler, but a fellow human being, I feel obligated to stay by your side until you sort this mess of yours out," Sebastian explained, and Ciel felt a little skeptical. It was something that Sebastian would say, but because there wasn't a smirk or a glow of his eyes to go along with it, Ciel knew that there wasn't anything underlining his words.

That is, unless…

"Why have you been so…forward with me?" Ciel questioned, crossing his legs and leaning back.

This time Sebastian did smirk. "I'm a forward person when I want to be, my lord. It only came as natural for me when you acted so informally around me."

Ciel blinked. Sebastian could be forward, yet he was able to skirt around some matters just for fun when he wanted to. He was just human here.

"…and of course it helps when you act in kind to my advances, master."

This led to yet another series of questions. Ciel had thought a lot about this present relationship between he and Sebastian, and he had narrowed it down to the fact that Sebastian was human. From what Ciel could see, he had no ulterior motives against him, and Ciel had taken to looking at it from many different angles, but he couldn't find a threat.

So when it came to dealing with another human, Ciel found that what was pulling him toward Sebastian in a way that never had before was that he had true, real power over the man. Ciel knew that as a daemon, Sebastian had the real control even though Ciel was the master. He knew that from day one of their contract. But was he holding back on something that he wanted out of Sebastian? Was he kidding himself?

But was this the so-called fate that he had abandoned? Was he supposed to fall under Sebastian's spell in this world? It didn't seem possible, and yet…

Standing up as one last speculation popped into his mind, Ciel stood mere inches in front of Sebastian, looking down at the man with matching blue eyes. A part of him suddenly wanted this to be real, this all just felt right. Somehow this last, ridiculous question seemed to be what it all came down to.

"How do you view cats?" he asked, watching Sebastian's face carefully.

It didn't throw the butler off. Ciel felt immeasurably relieved. "I prefer them over dogs."

"Why?"

"They're proud, independent creatures, and never consider useless things. And of course, they're adorable," Sebastian replied, smirking. His dark eyes flashed. "Just like you."

Ciel stared at him for the longest moment, wanting to give in so badly despite himself. He was suddenly at war with himself, unsure for the first time of which move to make. Unconsciously, his hand reached out and wrapped around Sebastian's black tie, pulling the butler closer and closer.

"Your orders, my lord?" Sebastian prompted suggestively.

Something left him.

…no, it was purposely discarded.

Tugging on the tie harshly, Ciel latched his lips onto Sebastian's, moving forward until he was practically straddling the other man, pushing him back against the lush cushions.

Hands snaked up his sides and under his shirt as Ciel felt Sebastian take over. A tongue prodded at his lips seeking entrance, and he granted it, letting out a low moan as their kiss deepened considerably, their tongues stroking one another deliciously.

Breaking apart with a gasp, Ciel tilted his head back, his fingers digging into Sebastian's shoulders as the man kissed his way down his jaw and neck, nipping at his collarbone, hands unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it off his shoulders.

One of Sebastian's legs moved, nudging his apart. Ciel curved forward as a knee found his arousal, rubbing against it while that skilled mouth found one of his nipples. Grabbing the back of Sebastian's neck, Ciel took to nibbling along his butler's ear, earning him a stifled gasp.

He was happy here; everything was as it should be. His past never happened. There was no going back now.

Ciel found himself being laid on his bed with Sebastian looming over him, both of their shoes somehow discarded. Ciel arched as a bare hand cupped his erection through his trousers, a moan escaping through his lips. His hands shot out to clumsily undo Sebastian's shirt as the other man leaned down to lick his ear. Shivering, he managed to do what he had set to do, and turned so that their lips met.

Sebastian's fingers rimmed his slacks but Ciel pushed him back, not really caring about his inexperience as he mimicked what Sebastian had done to him only moments before. The butler shivered against his light touches, jerking when Ciel experimentally dipped his tongue into his naval. Before Sebastian even realized it, his master had his trousers undone and sliding down his pale legs, his aching arousal freed.

Sitting up and kicking the last of his clothes off, Sebastian pounced on his master again, pinning him against the fresh sheets. He took to returning the favor and freed Ciel of his own pants. Bending down, he licked those quivering thighs, getting an appreciative sound out of Ciel for his efforts.

"Sebas-Sebas-tian-ah…nngh-!" Ciel squirmed beneath him as he teased his member with hot air before fully engulfing the other. His master's hips jerked and his hands clenched the sheets, but Sebastian did not relent.

Ciel gasped as that wonderful heat suddenly left him way too soon. His eyes were clouded over with lust, his day's frustration gone as he succumbed to the blissful pleasure. His desire spiked in a way he never thought possible as he watched Sebastian stick two fingers in his mouth and suck deliberately.

Another hot kiss distracted him as said fingers entered him. Ciel didn't think of what this could remind him of, too lost in the pleasure. However, he pulled away from the kiss with a rather loud gasp when Sebastian struck a spot inside him, shooting something that went beyond mere pleasure up his spine. He held back a groan when the long fingers left him.

Lips once again smacked against his ear, the hot breath tingling. "If the master doesn't wish for it to hurt, I'd suggest…" Ciel blushed despite himself as Sebastian briefly explained with the dirtiest of terms.

Sitting up as Sebastian lounged back, Ciel licked his lips and leaned forward with the tiniest hint of hesitation before once again mimicking what his butler had done previously. A hand ran through his hair and curled into some of the locks as Sebastian's body shook with desire beneath him. Sebastian pulled him up after a while and engulfed his mouth into another intimate kiss, enjoying his own taste before gently pushing his master back.

Biting his lip as Sebastian kissed under his jaw and pushed in, Ciel soon found the discomfort turn into pleasure. He wrapped his arms more securely than ever around Sebastian's shoulders, holding him close as the man moved their pace along to a speed that had them both crying out in pure pleasure. Just as Ciel felt the warmth in the pit of his stomach start to contract, Sebastian purposely stroked him, bringing him over the edge with a cry of his butler's name. Ciel felt Sebastian finish just moments after he did with a groan, the sensation of being full a pleasant one.

Panting, Sebastian pulled out and moved to lie beside Ciel, draping an arm around him and drawing him close. Ciel sighed as he felt light kisses being trailed up his neck.

With just a hint of alarm in his drowsing voice, Ciel started to say, "Sebastian, we just–"

Pressing another kiss to his master's neck, Sebastian said, "Another day, my lord. Please, sleep." He ran a soothing hand down Ciel's back, and the boy beside him relaxed even more, all traces of tension completely gone within seconds.

With Sebastian faithfully covering his back and with no signs of doubt plaguing his mind, Ciel peacefully drifted into slumber, at long last accepting this reality.

A/N: So…yeah. This chapter kind of wrote itself. Granted, I meant to have a lemon somewhere in this fic, but I didn't quite expect it to be this chapter. Ah well. More goodies for the next chapters I suppose. ((wink, wink)) Though, I think my only insecurity about this is that I'm just only starting to write lemons, so this might seemed rushed. I don't know. My only mindset was that it isn't going to turn into a PWP.

Anyway, thanks for all the comments/favs/alerts! Please feel free to tell me what you thought of this chapter!