Author's Notes: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I finally finished it! This bitch took all day and I don't know why. I had a pretty clear idea of where I was going but you know whatever. It's here and it's done. Some errors I'm sure but hey hopefully I did okay. Let me know what you think like always yeah?

Chapter 10

Alex was lying awake staring at the ceiling. Weeks had bled into months and now Livia and Mitsuru were both quite comfortable in their lives with her. She found herself quite content with the dynamic that had come about due to the relationships they were forming. Mitsuru had come out of her shell even more if that were possible and now was talking about wanting to go to school to learn and maybe go to college. Livia for her part was still tentative but she would open her mouth now if something bothered her but she still kept the quiet submissiveness towards Alex. She and Elliot were getting along now and she no longer seemed afraid to go places without Mitsuru or Alex by herself. Alex couldn't help but think about the events of that night that were now playing in her mind keeping her from sleeping.

That night Elliot had come for dinner. Mitsuru's meals were getting to be pretty famous among the guys who would come to see Livia from time to time and would often stay for dinner. The next day Alex wouldn't hear the end of how amazing the food had been. It was an amusing sight to see the four men tripping over themselves to come over if it meant getting a home cooked meal. She frowned when she thought back to the conversation from dinner.

"I brought some of your old things Olivia." Elliot started as soon as they had finished eating. Mitsuru frowned reaching out under the table to lay her hand on Livia's thigh. She still didn't like Elliot refusing to call Livia by name but instead by a name she'd repeatedly asked him not to call her.

Livia set her glass down looking down at her plate and then up at him. "I really wish you would stop calling me that. That's not my name." Everyone else had finally agreed to call her by the only name she could remember but Elliot.

Elliot sighed folding his hands and smiled at her. "I'm sorry. I just can't get used to it."

She nodded, "What did you bring?"

"Just some stuff I saved from your old place. Pictures things like that."

Alex took a bit of the delicious roast Mitsuru had made staying quiet even though she knew it may trigger some of Olivia's memories. She would be sad though if it did and Olivia suddenly decided to move out and away from her. Or worst hold her responsible for not showing her these things herself. She was only trying to protect her, or so she told herself. Reality was she almost hoped Livia didn't get her memories back some of them were so terrible she could understand wanting to forget them. At least what she'd heard of them. She knew there were even darker secrets she had no clue about. She was merely able to see the dark shadows that always haunted Olivia's expressive brown eyes.

"Pictures of her family?" Livia asked taking a sip of her soda. She set the glass down. Though she was willing to acknowledge that the person she used to be Detective Olivia Benson was indeed her past, she still made a distinction between who she used to be and who she was now.

"Yeah, some pictures of your mother and your brother. Things like that. I thought you would appreciate them." Elliot was smiling trying hard to get Olivia to respond to him.

Alex knew it was childish and she shouldn't feel like this but she almost got a bit of satisfaction out of the distance Livia continued to put between her and Elliot. Though she didn't mind him and seemed to like him to some extent she liked others more. Especially Cragen, something about the man seemed to make her feel very at ease. Sometimes if things were slow at the precinct he would take off and bring her out to lunch with him. Alex would sometimes walk in to find the two in his office talking quietly after they'd eaten and returned.

"I appreciate the thought but I don't think I want them." Livia responded taking a bit of her asparagus.

Elliot frowned, "Why not? They're your family."

"Were my family. I don't remember them and frankly neither have made a move to see me so why should I give them that courtesy?"

"Your mother is dead Olivia."

"Then she doesn't have to see me like this or excuse me what you would be afraid of her seeing me like." Livia set her fork down and looked at Alex. "May I please be excused?"

Alex frowned and nodded, "Of course."

When she was gone Elliot turned on her. "Why the hell is she still asking you for permission to do things?"

"She's doing what's comfortable for her."

"And you too obviously." Elliot snapped.

Mitsuru set her fork down and turned to look at him. "That's enough. Livia doesn't care for the fact that you continue to call her by the name she doesn't like and that you refuse to see her as the person she is now not the person she used to be. She's changed and you have to accept that if you can't then you won't be welcome in her life. Alex is important to her; she's the one person that has acknowledged who she was and what she needed from the beginning. You can yell and scream at her for her supposed faults but it won't change anything. If you want to be a part of her life now then you need to stop trying to force her into the role you want her to fill because it's not going to happen. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go and check on Livia."

Alex looked down staying silent and knowing Elliot was thinking about her words too. Mitsuru had a tendency not to mince words nor did she have a problem letting someone know they were out of line. Alex glanced up seeing Elliot though upset by Olivia's reaction he was thinking about Mitsuru's words.

"She's right you know. Even if she did have her memories she still wouldn't be the same person.'

"She's my best friend." Elliot started.

"And she will be again if you get to know her as she is now. Yes I think it's great of you to bring pictures of her family to let her see but even you know she won't acknowledge that she and Olivia are the same person. She always makes sure to separate them. "

"She could get her memory back."

"It's a slim chance Elliot and if you want to be part of her life you're going to have to accept her as she is now." Alex rose to her feet, "I'm going to go check on her."

Livia was staring at the window down into the city Alex noticed. As soon as she entered the bedroom Mitsuru slid to her feet and scooted out the door without a word. Alex smiled watching her go before she walked over to Olivia.

"Must be something interesting going on out there to have your full attention like that." She remarked. Livia smiled hearing her voice but didn't immediately turn from the window.

"He didn't mean any harm you know?" Alex remarked. "He's trying to help in his own way. He just doesn't understand that you're not the same person he knew for so long."

"I know that. But I just wish he would try to get to know me as I am now not as I used to be." Livia turned slipping towards Alex smiling so sweetly when Alex immediately opened her arms and slid them around her. She rested her head on the blonde's shoulder and sighed happily when Alex slid her hand up and down her spine. "I like it when you do that." She murmured softly knowing she needed to start speaking to Alex about what she liked and disliked. Mitsuru had been talking to Alex a lot lately and though Livia was still sweetly submissive to her Mitsuru had told her Alex would like her opinions on some things. She figured small things were a good place to start.

Alex grinned, "Then I'll do it more often." She promised.

Livia pulled back slightly and nodded smiling before sliding her own arms slowly around Alex's little waist. It was the first time she'd actually embraced Alex while she'd been held by the woman. Alex couldn't resist sliding her hand up and down Livia's back and neck underneath her hair. She was always careful not to touch her hair because Mitsuru told her Jocelyn had always pet Livia's hair. She didn't want to remind her brunette of that woman in any way.

"Do you want to go back out there?" Alex asked after a while.

Livia shook her head, "No I want to stay with you like this."

Alex smiled and held her a bit closer happy that she seemed to be making progress with Livia.

"She looks awfully butch." Mitsuru commented looking at a picture of Olivia and her mother Serena.

"I dunno I may look good with my hair cut like that." Livia said with a smile which got her a look of disgust from Mitsuru.

Alex laughed watching her two girls digging into the things Elliot had brought. Though they were both hesitant to do so Livia had finally made the first move and Mitsuru followed suit. "She's pretty though, Olivia's Mom." Alex listened closely noticing how easily Mitsuru distinguished between Olivia and Livia.

"She was. I never met her." Alex replied, "But Olivia looked a lot like her."

Livia leaned over looking over Mitsuru's shoulder at her. "What happened to her?"

"She fell down a flight of stairs at a subway station. Broke her neck in the fall I believe." She didn't have the heart to tell Olivia that she was completely drunk when she'd done it. At least that's what Elliot had told her. "I think her heel broke and she slipped." She added.

Livia shook her head, "That's horrible. What did she do for a living?"
"She was a college professor. She taught English."

Livia smiled at that. "She looks scholarly." Alex smiled back at her and then watched as the girls turned a page.

"So this is Olivia's brother?" She asked pointing to a picture of the young man with Olivia.

Alex leaned over and nodded, "Yes his name is Simon."

"He's handsome." Mitsuru said with a smile. "He sort of resembles Olivia."

"Sort of not really." Livia cocked her head studying the picture and then shook her head.

Alex noticed Livia didn't even bring up wanting to see her brother. "I think that's enough for tonight girls. It's getting late and I have court at 9 sharp tomorrow."

Mitsuru nodded smiling at Livia as she closed to photo album. "Yeah we shouldn't go through this without someone to explain it. Right Livia?"

Livia nodded in agreement setting the album on the coffee table along with the other pictures. Alex noted she didn't even look twice at any of them. "I am tired." She agreed.

Alex blinked surfacing from the memory before jerking up she stared at her door as it cracked and then pushed open. Figuring it was Mitsuru who sometimes came to speak to her when she thought it wouldn't be overheard by Livia, she sat up and turned the soft lamp on. "Mitsuru?" She asked.

"No. It's Livia."

Alex smiled watching as Livia slowly stepped into the room. "What's wrong? Couldn't sleep?" She asked.

Livia shook her head, "No. I just….I've been thinking….a lot. Especially after tonight. That woman in those pictures. She seems so unhappy."
"She wasn't…" Alex started only to have Livia come towards her and sit on the bed.

"She was. I can tell. I've seen that expression before. And the way her life was described to me…I don't want to remember that. I'm scared of what I'll find out."

Alex frowned, "Livia to know who we are now we have to know who we were."

"I'm happy being just me. I'm happy belonging to you. Isn't that enough?"

Alex smiled, "I can't answer that for you. Only you can. But I'll be here for you no matter answers you choose to seek or not."

Livia smiled and nodded. She leaned forward slightly and Alex watched shocked when Livia gently pressed her lips to hers. Unable to resist the simple little gesture she kissed back. It was simple and sweet but there was a hidden passion that had been reawakened that hadn't been there in any of the embraces they'd shared before. Alex found herself pulling Livia towards her while Livia's arms went up to embrace her willingly falling back to the bed and pulling Alex on top of her. The blonde for her part was shocked at the bold move but quite pleased that Livia felt confident enough around her to do so.

She pulled away when their kisses started to turn heated and stared down at Livia. Livia looked back her face completely open as she watched Alex waiting to see what the woman wanted. Alex reached out gently sliding her hand along Livia's soft cheek for a moment before she pulled away. "I'm sorry Livia. I can't do this."

"What?" Livia asked her brown eyes immediately welling up with tears. "Why not?"

"I can't take advantage of you like that."

"You're not." Livia started. "I came to you. I started this. Not you. Though if it's improper of me I understand and next time I won't initiate it like that. I'll let you have me when you want me."

"Livia that's just it. I can't do that to you. I care about you so much that I want our first time to be something special, magical. Not a rushed night because I have to go to work tomorrow. I want to do this right."

Livia frowned, "I don't understand."

"Livia, I care about you a lot. You've made such tremendous progress and I've seen more of your personality and fire than I ever thought I'd get to see. I just don't want to ruin that by making this about me and when it should be about both of us. I want to get to know you better than I do now. I want you to get to know me and when the time is right we can do this. But it's not right now and it's certainly not tonight."

Livia slowly slid her arms away and nodded, "Okay. I'll go back to my room now." She didn't make a move to get up though seeing how Alex was still straddling her.

Alex shook her head, "Why don't you stay with me tonight? Just to sleep though. Nothing else."

Livia glanced up and nodded, "Okay."

Author's Ending Notes: No smut for you guys. My muse took a holiday after I had to sit at the DMV office for an hour and a half. Maybe some smut later who knows?