Chapter 25: Just…Byakuya…

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There is no easy way to take my leave of you. You have become one with my own heart…and we live and breathe together. But if I do not take these steps, then all that we have suffered for will be lost. Throughout the quiet hours now, do not forget the forces that hold us together…faith…hope…and love…

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya rose as the door to the beach house opened and Renji entered, carrying Koichi in a sling on his chest, with Torio on his heels. They stopped just inside the entry, registering that the noble was not alone. Unohana taichou stood beside him, smiling at the ones who had just arrived. Byakuya guided them onto the outdoor balcony and they sat down to eat the meal that Byakuya had prepared for them.

Renji stole furtive glances at the noble, already having a sense that something important was going to happen, but being uncertain as to what, exactly, it would be. Byakuya seemed calm and relaxed. He took Koichi from the sling and held him quietly, resting his face against the infant's soft hair, speaking in whispers and nuzzling him gently as the newly joined family shared the meal and engaged in casual conversation.

"You wouldn't believe how different Kuchiki Manor looks, now that the construction has gotten underway," Torio reported, "I've never seen builders work so quickly. They already have the foundation rebuilt and the walls up. The main building will be finished early, I think. The rest won't take long either. But I am concerned about the gardens. Apparently, no plans were made to restore them."

"I have that taken care of," Byakuya said quietly, "It will be seen to after the construction of the buildings is finished and I return home."

He took a steadying breath and looked around the table at the others.

"Renji…Torio…there are some things that I must discuss with you. You see…when I was in the healing center before, Unohana taichou was kind enough to offer to recommend for me, a program that would address the effects of the recent events on me. I refused the program at the time, but have since reconsidered. I have asked you here, because it does require that I seek voluntary commitment at a facility in the upper Rukongai."

"C-commitment?" Renji repeated uncertainly, "you mean…like…to a…a…"

"It is not a mental facility of the kind that you are thinking. This center houses those who have voluntarily given themselves over for treatment of a range of conditions."

"But…you have a choice about being there…right?" Renji asked nervously.

Byakuya glanced at Unohana taichou and nodded.

"Entry into the facility is voluntary," the healer explained, "but each patient is assessed upon arrival and that person's needs are then determined. The length of stay is decided based on each patient's progress."

"So," Byakuya continued, "by choosing to enter the program, I agree to abide by the recommendation of my personal physician and counselors. Unohana taichou will be personally responsible for my physical treatment and for overseeing my interactions with the counselors there. She will have the final word on when I am to be discharged. I think you will agree that she is quite trustworthy."

"Yeah…" Renji said, swallowing hard, "But…ah, will we be able to…see you? While you're there?"

"Because of the program in which Kuchiki taichou will be placed," Unohana taichou said softly, "visitation will only be allowed after the first thirty days."

"Thirty days…" whispered Renji, "We can't even see you for…"

He stopped himself and shook his head firmly.

"If that is the program that Unohana taichou thinks is best…then we will just have to bear with the separation. It isn't forever…and I think we all want what is best for you, Byakuya."

"I have been assured that the program is a well respected one…and the counselors are all very experienced."

"Okay," Renji said, taking a shaky breath, "then, if that's what you need…that's what you should do. I will…I'll take care of things here…at home. I'll see to the…"

"No," said Byakuya, shaking his head, and gazing into Renji's eyes, "that is exactly what I do not want."

"Wh-what?" Renji asked uncertainly.

"I gave a great deal of time and thought to this decision, Renji. And the most important question I asked myself as I struggled with what to do was how to see to, not just my needs, but our family's needs. I am not the only one who is struggling and I am not the only one in need of support. I cannot give you all of the support you need right now…but I can take steps to see that you have it."

"Byakuya…I am fine," Renji said softly, "I wasn't the one who…"

"No, you weren't the one Tohma physically tormented, but you had to stand and watch him take me apart, piece by piece…had to struggle with the loss of our bond, the loss of our child, the sudden revelation of who you are…"

"Byakuya, it is true I didn't have you at my side, but I was surrounded by my friends. Tohma isolated you. I may have been struggling too, but…you were struggling alone…"

"No. Renji…I was never alone. Because, even at the worst and even when you weren't physically present, you were always there for me. And when the end came and Tohma was out of control, it was you who stood with me. So…now, I will return the favor. Even though I won't be here physically, I will see that you are surrounded by those who will support you. I will relieve what pressures I can, and I will give you space to connect with your father and brothers."

"What? How?"

Byakuya yielded Renji a small smile.

"While you were in the Seireitei, Unohana taichou was not the only person I contacted. I also arranged for you, Rukia, Torio and Koichi to live at Grand View Towers while the manor is being restored. Members of my staff from Kuchiki Manor will attend all of you while the manor is being rebuilt."

"Grand View Towers?" Renji breathed, "That place is…it's like…ah, doesn't the royal family stay there when they come to the Seireitei?"

"Yes," said Byakuya, "which is why I felt it an appropriate choice for you. You will have staff to make you comfortable and to help you care for our son. That should ease your burden somewhat. Another action I took was to contact Soutaichou and to arrange a leave of absence from the division for both of us. While you and I are on leave, our division will serve on home front detail, here in the Seireitei. They are quite capable of managing without us in that capacity."

"Ah," said Renji, "but if I'm not working and I have help with Koichi, then…what will I be doing?"

Byakuya met his eyes warmly.

"I will ask only two things of you. First, I want you to travel to the spirit dimension and to get to know your family at court. It will be easier for you to do this without the awkwardness of having me there…for obvious reasons. I know that what happened with Tohma left you with mixed feelings about being a part of the royal family, but this is a path you must travel. I will join you there in the future, but you must lay the groundwork while I am away."

"Okay…" said the redhead, looking encouraged, "What's the second thing?"

"I have arranged with Yoruichi to see that you take the final steps in preparing for the taichou's exam. I have arranged with Soutaichou that the testing will take place just after my release…so that I will be there as you are tested and will be the one to place your haori on your shoulders, as is customary."

"Is that all?" Renji asked, looking confused, "That's really all you want from me?"

Byakuya gave him an amused look.

"I think you will find that is quite enough to burden yourself with, Renji. Yes…make yourself at home with our child, get to know your new family and train for your advancement…and do not worry about me. I will have the support I need at the treatment facility."

Byakuya sighed softly and took a sip of his tea as Renji leaned back in his chair, absorbing everything they had said. He thought for a moment, then looked up at the noble.

"When will you leave?"

Byakuya blinked slowly and looked down at the child he held.

"Today."

Renji bit his lip and nodded silently.

"Now," the noble went on, "Before I go, there is something I need to say to Torio."

The youth's eyes widened and he met Byakuya's warily.

"Arigato. I do not know how I would have managed what happened if it hadn't been for you. I am grateful to you for fighting to protect me…and for taking care of Koichi while Renji and I fought our way out of this situation. You have acted as far more than an attendant…and because of this, I would very much like it if you would consider allowing me to adopt you into the Kuchiki family. As you are still a minor, you would be our son…and an older brother to Koichi…if that is acceptable to you?"

Torio's eyes filled with tears.

"Kuchiki-sama…" he whispered, "This is like a dream…"

"Then…I take it, that is a 'yes?'" Byakuya asked.

"Yes," the youth half-sobbed, "Arigato, Kuchiki-sama…I have never had a family. Your family was the only one I ever knew."

"And now, that family will be yours as well. But there is one condition. You must not refer to me so formally."

"What should I call you?" Torio asked, "Father?"

Byakuya shook his head.

"You are nearly grown…and you have earned my respect. You may call me Byakuya…just Byakuya."

"Oh…" said the youth, "I…I couldn't. Byakuya-sama. I will call you Byakuya-sama."

"As you wish, then," Byakuya said, nodding, "I will have the documents prepared immediately. And as soon as the main building of Kuchiki Manor is completed, I would like for you, Renji, Koichi and Rukia to move back in. I will join you there as soon as my course of treatment is complete."

"Arigato, Kuchiki-sama…I…mean, Byakuya-sama," sputtered Torio gratefully, "We will all be very glad when you come home to us."

"I will be as well," Byakuya agreed.

He rose and handed Koichi to Torio, then turned his eyes to Renji.

"Renji…I need to speak with you privately now."

The redhead nodded and rose to follow him down from the balcony and onto the beach. They walked in silence for several long minutes, then came to a stop on a small rise, looking out over the ocean. Byakuya moved closer to Renji, slipping his arms around the redhead and resting his head on a strong, warm shoulder.

"Do you feel as though I am deserting you?" he asked softly.

"No," Renji answered calmly, "I think you are doing right by us. Koichi and I…need you to be whole again, so that we can be a family. I need my captain to be fit again, so that he can be there when I promote. And you have done more than enough to see that I'm not overburdened. I will miss you…but I will be well taken care of while you are gone, Byakuya. Arigato…truly…I am grateful. You see…when I left you this morning, I thought you might be leaving for healing purposes…but I thought that you would be gone when I returned. I underestimated your commitment to us…and I am sorry that I did. You have seen to all of our needs…not just yours or mine, or our son's, but all of ours. I really feel like we're a family now, Byakuya. No matter how well I get to know my father and brothers…they will never give me the feeling of family that I have with you…Rukia, Torio and Koichi."

He nuzzled closer to Byakuya, feeling a shiver pass through the noble as the sea wind blew past them.

"I don't know what I'll do…not seeing you for an entire month…" Renji whispered, "I'll miss you…"

Byakuya closed his eyes and burrowed more tightly into the redhead's arms.

"I will miss you too, Renji. Aishiteru yo."

Renji closed his eyes and breathed in the scents of sea and sakura.

"Aishiteru yo, Byakuya," he whispered.

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Byakuya paused and took a steadying breath, looking up at the entry to the Falcon Ridge Recovery Center. He was comforted by the fact that it was located in such a lovely, forested area, and that it seemed a quiet, restful place. He became aware of Unohana taichou's eyes watching and stepped forward, taking a last breath of freedom before surrendering himself to the process of recovery. They were met at the entrance by a facility attendant, a healer with dark hair and gentle brown eyes, who smiled easily and greeted them cordially.

"Good morning, Unohana taichou, Kuchiki taichou," he said, bowing, "I am Haru. I will be helping Kuchiki taichou to settle in today. Unohana-taichou, our facilities head will meet with you while I prepare Kuchiki taichou for his stay."

The healer nodded and turned down a hallway, leaving Byakuya alone with the attendant. Haru turned and met Byakuya's eyes warmly.

"Unohana taichou was kind enough to forward your medical history to us. I understand you have been through a difficult time…and I think you will find peace again here."

"I hope to, Haru-san," Byakuya said quietly.

"It is just Haru," the attendant said, smiling, "Between our patients and staff, there are no honorifics. We leave all differences at the doors…and we meet on equal ground. It may feel strange to one such as you who is used to being treated with deference…"

"No," Byakuya said, shaking his head gently, "I feel somewhat relieved."

"Difficulties come to all people, Byakuya…regardless of class or position…and all meet on even ground in this place. All of the staff you will meet, except for the facilities head and Unohana taichou are former patients. When a new patient arrives, he or she is matched with an attendant and counselor who has endured a similar situation. I was chosen to attend you for that reason. The reason I came to Falcon Ridge is because I was forced to marry a rival clan leader to improve relations between two warring clans. My husband was a vicious man…malicious and highly manipulative. I was beaten, repeatedly raped, and I and my attendants were ritually tortured. I endured a five-year marriage to him before I escaped and sought assistance here. The counselor assigned to me assisted me in ending my marriage and finding peace again. At the end of my program, it was deemed too unsafe for me to return to the Seireitei. My former husband is a powerful man…and would likely seek to take me back into his household. Outside of this place, I would have little means of protection. My location was never revealed to him…so, I am safe here, and have made a much more useful life counseling others. I hope to be of assistance to you, Byakuya."

Byakuya felt an unintended smile tug at his lips.

"I think you will be, Haru. Arigato."

The attendant nodded and led him to a small changing room.

"The first thing I would like you to do is remove everything…shower…and then change into the clothes I have laid out for you…and as you bathe, I want you to think about the reasons you are here, the things you endured that made you need to come to this place. I want you to hold them in your mind…and then let them fall away. And every time you let water touch your body, you will return to this and wash away all of the things that darken your heart. As you free yourself from the darkness, remember the things that matter to you…the things you want to keep. Hold those inside you, and let everything else go."

Byakuya nodded and walked into the changing area. Haru stood at his side, taking each item as he removed it and storing it in a small box. The attendant carefully folded his kimono and set it inside first, then accepted the ginpaku kazahana no uzuginu and kenseiken. Byakuya gazed quietly at the markings of his status and family before sighing softly and handing them to Haru. His attendant smiled and nodded.

"I do not know about you," he said, seeming to read the noble's thoughts, "but I thought it a relief to surrender such things and just for a time to live a much simpler existence. You will, of course, have to return to your clan and resume your responsibilities, but by then, you will have progressed to where that is more feasible. For now, you will leave this part of your life behind and focus on healing body, mind and heart. When you are whole again, you will be able to focus again on those other things."

He noticed a picture that had fallen out of Byakuya's pocket as he undressed. He picked it up and studied it quietly for a moment, then set it on the table beside the white yukata and hair tie he had prepared. Byakuya blinked and looked back at Haru questioningly.

"I am not expected to leave that behind as well?" he asked tentatively.

"Byakuya," said Haru, touching the picture of Koichi gently with one pale fingertip, "you should never forget the things that are motivating you to be successful in your treatment."

He sighed softly and glanced out the window.

"I had a child as well…or was about to have one…but…I was injured in escaping my husband and lost my baby…and the attendants and friends who helped me to escape…"

"I am sorry," Byakuya said softly.

"There was nothing that could be done…and I have made peace with it. I try to use the life left in me to honor their sacrifice. Each time I help someone like me to regain his or her strength, I feel that there is meaning, even in loss."

Byakuya slipped into the shower and washed slowly, Haru's story running through his mind. He walked through the timeline of his own marriage to Tohma and as he went, let the pain fall away until, by the time he finished, a calm, sleepy feeling had overtaken him. He stepped out of the shower and dried off, then set the yukata around his thin frame, tying it at the waist, then combed out his hair and restrained it in the white hair tie. Haru approached him, carrying two small metal bands. Byakuya stared at them in silence, feeling a shiver pass through him.

"As part of your treatment, you will be required to have your powers sealed away," the attendant explained, "With your permission, Byakuya…"

The noble hesitated for a moment, then offered his hands and waited as the power restraints were set in place and activated. Haru's eyes watched him steadily as the seal took hold and nodded in understanding.

"Come now," the attendant said, turning toward the door, "It is nearly time for dinner. I think we will need to talk before then. I understand you feel ill when you try to eat."

"Yes," Byakuya admitted.

"Oh…" said Haru, stopping at the table and picking up the picture they had been looking at before, "Here, don't forget this. I think it will give you a lot of motivation."

"Yes," agreed the noble, his eyes on the image of Rukia, Renji, Koichi and Torio, "I think it will."

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji looked down at the baby he carried as he approached the outer walled gates of the royal palace. He watched silently as he was announced and the gates were swung open to admit him. He stepped forward and stopped as a white garbed guard met him and bowed.

"Abarai-sama," the man said respectfully, "I will take you to his majesty."

"Arigato," Renji said, following as the man turned away.

He felt an odd mix of confusing feelings. He was pleased to find that he had a family, but it was very present in his mind that King Tatsuo was also the man who had forced Byakuya to marry Tohma…and had ordered Byakuya whipped when the prince had forced the noble to engage in disgraceful behavior. He was highly aware, as well, of Tohma's presence in one of the towers, where he served time and underwent treatment for his problems.

"Shit," Renji muttered, beneath his breath, "and I thought the Kuchiki clan was pretty fucked up…"

He followed the guard into the throne room and knelt quietly before the king.

"Welcome, Abarai Renji. I am glad you have come."

He studied his son's bowed head for a moment.

"I hope that Byakuya is well. I am sorry that he could not accompany you."

"I don't think that Byakuya would feel very comfortable here," Renji answered, looking up, "There are a lot of bad memories for him here."

Tatsuo nodded sympathetically.

"I am sorry for my role in Kuchiki Byakuya's discomfort. As I said, I hope he is well."

"He's a fucking mess, thanks to Prince Tohma," said Renji, earning raised eyebrows from the king's gathered advisors, but Tatsuo's expression remained calm and unruffled, "He is in therapy…which has given me time to come and…"

He paused, not knowing quite how to finish. Tatsuo stood and approached the redhead, raising him and meeting his eyes warmly.

"I realize," he said, "that my poor handling of Prince Tohma's behavior resulted in painful consequences for more than a few innocent people, and I do wish to do what I can to make amends."

He turned to the guard.

"Please make ready the room nearest mine…and let us know when dinner is ready. We will be in the gardens."

He looked back at Renji.

"Now…will you please introduce me to this little one?" the king requested.

"Koichi," Renji said, looking down at his son, "This is Byakuya's and my son, Koichi."

"Prince Koichi," said the king, smiling down at the baby as Koichi took hold of his finger, "I am honored to make your acquaintance. He is charming, Renji. He has lovely notes of both you and Byakuya."

"Yeah…" Renji agreed, smiling as he followed the king out into the gardens.

Tatsuo led him along a quiet trail that led away from the palace.

"I don't know quite what to say to you, Renji," the king said, as they walked, "I think we are going to have to figure things out as we go…"

"Well…I do a lot that," Renji replied, "so I think I'll be right at home."

The king stopped.

"I do want you to learn to feel at home here," he said, looking off into the distance, "Despite how things have happened to this point, I believe we can successfully navigate this. I hope someday to be at ease with each other."

He turned his eyes to a lonely tower behind him.

"But there is much we must attend to first."

"Yeah…" Renji said, following his eyes, "there is."