Chapter 27: Reconnecting

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We stand face to face…two souls who once knew each other. Now our eyes meet tentatively, like the eyes of strangers, and we touch each other questioningly. Trust is regained slowly, and the hardest of my trials is to learn to trust myself again with you.

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Byakuya flash stepped into view in front of the ones who had come to see him, pausing just short of them and gazing into their eyes. And he was touched to see the looks of longing and joy that were equal to his own. He allowed a smile to touch his lips as he briefly embraced Rukia, then Torio. He stopped in front of Renji, his eyes torn between looking into the eyes of his lover or gazing into the eyes of the little miracle they had created together.

"Renji…" he mouthed almost soundlessly.

Renji looked back at him, relief and deep affection flooding his eyes as he took in the sight of his taichou and lover. Odd as it might be to see Byakuya without his uniform and the markers of his status, Renji couldn't help but think he looked lovely dressed in just the simple yukata and sandals the other patients wore, with his long, raven black hair loose around his shoulders and partially covering one gray eye. His color, Renji thought, seemed much better and the gauntness his body had taken on before was gone. And when Byakuya closed the distance between them and folded himself into Renji's embrace, the redhead could feel the returning strength in his body.

"You look…really good, Byakuya," Renji said, lowering his head slightly to meet the noble's lips.

"I look like an inmate in a mental facility," Byakuya said, with gentle sarcasm.

"What are you talking about?" Renji asked, kissing him again, "You look beautiful. You look…so much better!"

"I have my counselor, Haru, and all of you to thank for that," Byakuya said quietly, leaning into Renji's embrace and kissing Koichi on the forehead.

"I think Byakuya is being quite modest," said Haru, walking up onto the hillside, "His dedication to his healing has been commendable. He is very motivated…and I think that you can look forward to having him back home with you again soon."

"Soon?" repeated Renji, "Like, are we talking a week? A month? A few months? What?"

"I cannot say, exactly," said Haru, "but Unohana taichou will be coming to meet with me to set a tentative release date tomorrow. We will review Byakuya's case file and all of his progress reports and medical reports to make the final decision. And when we have done that, he will contact you to let you know."

"That's great," Renji said, smiling, though his eyes were damp, "So…what should we do now?"

"There are gardens where we can enjoy that picnic lunch you brought with you, by the lake," suggested Byakuya, "Or we could just sit here on the hillside…whatever you like."

"Anywhere's fine by me," said Renji, hugging Byakuya tightly, "Anywhere close to you, that is!"

"Well," said Haru, "I have some things to do back at the center. Byakuya, I will see you there after you have enjoyed your visit with your family."

"Arigato, Haru," Byakuya said, nodding.

"Well," said Torio, "This looks like a really nice spot."

"I think so too," agreed Rukia.

"I'll bet you spend a lot of time under this tree, don't you?" asked Renji, smiling, "It looks like a place you would like."

"It is," Byakuya said, nodding, "I come here every day to work on a reflection journal. The fresh air and light help me to clear my mind."

"Yeah, it's really tranquil here," Renji agreed.

Torio laid out a blanket and Rukia set out the food, while Renji and Byakuya sat down alongside each other and Renji set Koichi in Byakuya's lap. The wide-eyed infant gazed up at Byakuya and reached for his face.

"be-be-be…" he babbled, "da…be."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed.

"Is he trying to…?"

"Yeah," said Renji, nodding, "We show him pictures of you every day, and we told him you're Daddy Bya. I'm Daddy Ren."

"Da…da-da," Koichi babbled, his eyes on Renji.

"He can't quite manage my name, but I'm just Dada, right now."

"I'm Toe," said Torio, grinning.

"And I'm Ki," said Rukia.

"I hope you don't mind the nickname," Renji chuckled, "It'll be awhile before he can say Byakuya-sama."

"I don't very much mind what he calls me," said Byakuya, his eyes misting, "That he knows who I am…"

"Of course he knows who you are," Renji said wrapping an arm around Byakuya and squeezing gently.

"I should have known you would do something like that," said Byakuya, "but being away from everything like this…I wasn't sure. I'm…very grateful to all of you for making sure he would know me, even though I have to be here."

"It's the least we could do," Torio said, reaching out to tickle Koichi's fingers and listening to his soft cooing, "You've done so much for all of us."

"I haven't done so much," Byakuya said, lowering his eyes, "I've had to focus so hard on fixing what's wrong with me, that I haven't been of much use to anyone."

"Hey," objected Renji, "Don't talk like that. That's not true. Before you left, you made sure we were all taken care of. And we're all doing fine."

"Are you preparing for your promotion exam?" the noble asked, looking up at Renji.

"Yeah," the redhead grinned, "although since Hotaka sensei at the palace trained me to use my stronger powers, I mostly have to focus on practical knowledge. Komamura taichou has been really helpful with that. He's helping a group of us that Soutaichou identified as the strongest candidates for advancement."

"That's good," Byakuya said, nodding, "So, you have been to the spirit dimension?"

"Yeah, I've been there a few times. I've gotten to know Tatsuo-sama and the crown prince, Yoshihiro. There are a bunch of other relatives, but you know because they were at your wed…"

He stopped himself suddenly, a flush coming over his features. Byakuya smiled in understanding and took his hand, lacing their fingers together.

"It's all right, Abarai. You can mention my wedding…my marriage to Prince Tohma. I am not attempting to avoid thinking about it. In fact, I've thought it through in great detail, analyzing it repeatedly. I used to do so to admonish myself for not being stronger, but Haru and the others here have taught me to use those periods of reflection more positively. And now, I don't think that way to batter myself, but merely to acknowledge what happened."

"Th-that's good, I guess," Renji said, still looking somewhat angry at himself.

"Have you been to see Tohma?" Byakuya asked softly.

"Yeah."

"I hope he is…well."

"He's fine," Renji said, looking away, "They keep him in one of those towers…and let him out with an attendant for exercise and therapy sessions. We've talked a couple of times…but it's hard to know what to say. I know we're brothers, but…hell, after what he did to you, I just can't think of him that way. I guess I just can't cope with the fact that he and I are related. I can't believe that someone connected to me by blood…could be so…"

He stopped and shook his head.

"Anyway, he asked me to give something to you. I asked Haru if it was a good idea, and he looked it over and said that I should give it to you. You're supposed to read it after we leave…and then Haru will talk to you about it."

He handed a large, white envelope to Byakuya, who glanced at it, then set it down next to him.

"Did you read it as well?" asked Byakuya, "Do you know what it says?"

Renji tightened his lips and shook his head.

"He said it was for you…and I thought that, while someone should make sure it was nothing that would hurt you, you should have control over who sees it. If you read it and you want to tell me about it, then I'll listen. But I won't invade your privacy."

Byakuya brushed his face up against Renji's and tightened his fingers on the redhead's.

"Renji, watashi no koi, how do you do this? How do you make me feel so peaceful inside? I thought that I would never feel like this again. Arigato."

"Then…you're not mad at me for going to your counselor before you?" Renji asked, turning his head to kiss the noble.

"Of course not," Byakuya said, emphatically, "Renji, the reason I'm here is to regain control over my mind…my emotions…my choices. For all of the time I was married to Tohma, I lost control of those things. I had…no choices, and had to shut away what I felt. I would not have known what to say if you had approached me before talking to Haru. In many ways, my judgment and confidence have returned, but there are still times when I am lost as to what is best for me. You did the right thing. And I know it wasn't easy, but you put my needs first. I cannot thank you enough for that!"

Renji gave a relieved sigh and settled against Byakuya, enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and breathing in the fresh air.

"This place is really peaceful, Byakuya. I'm glad you chose it."

"I'm glad the Unohana taichou recommended it…and that she is able to oversee my medical treatment. I don't know many I would trust enough to place myself completely in their hands this way. But she understood exactly what my needs were and she handpicked Haru to be my counselor. He was a perfect choice."

"He does seem to be really in tune with you," agreed Renji, "We sat down and talked with him earlier, before we came out to see you. He's really great."

"He has been where I am, Renji. He has been made helpless…brought down to near oblivion and then come back again, and that means that he knows, often before I do, how I will act or react. And not only that, when I react to something, he is there to explain, to comfort, to reassure…whatever it is that I require. And there are few who could do something like that in this situation. But because he has been there, he knows."

"That's good," Renji said, nodding, "And he said that you'll be coming home soon."

"Yes," Byakuya said quietly, "but I think before that can happen, there is one important step I have to take."

"What's that?"

"Senbonzakura," Byakuya said, looking out over the hillside with sad, distant eyes, "I haven't yet reconnected with him. I think I have to do that to move forward from this point. It sounds like such a small thing…for us to connect, to talk to each other. And before all of this, I didn't think that there was anything that could make it painful to me to think about speaking to him. But we were both parties to what happened, and we have both had to deal with the fallout."

"So it's not that he won't speak to you?" Renji inquired.

"No, he has indicated his willingness. But…it's hard to explain. When I touch him, the memories of how Tohma used him to injure me…and how eventually, I betrayed our trust and tried to use him to injure myself and you…Renji, those are heart-rending things to remember. And before I can reconnect with him, I have to contend with the emotions connected to those things. Again, it doesn't sound so difficult, but my emotions and memories and my physical responses are still dreadfully entangled. I don't know a better way to explain it than that."

Renji sighed and let his fingers run slowly over Byakuya's where they rested on a sleeping Koichi's soft cheek.

"You don't have to explain. I understand."

"I know you do. And that is a source of great motivation for me."

They fell silent then, leaning against each other in the shade of the tree and looking down into their son's peaceful, sleeping face. Some time later, Byakuya handed the sleeping infant to Torio, who joined Rukia in a solemn farewell, then Byakuya and Renji stood on the hillside and watched as the two left with Koichi. They remained on the hillside for a long time after, with their arms wrapped around each other, and exchanging slow, gentle kisses.

"I want to be back at that beach house with you, right now," Renji whispered in his ear, "I miss being with you."

Byakuya smiled.

"I am not prohibited from being with you sexually, if we wish it," he said softly, We will not be bothered if we wish to be alone together in my room. It is perhaps not as lovely as the beach house, but…"

"It doesn't matter," Renji said, stopping him with a kiss, "I just want to be as close to you as I can be…if that's okay with you."

Byakuya didn't answer, but slipped a hand into his and led him back to the center. They climbed the steps together to the second floor and walked down to the end of a long hallway. Stepping inside the room, Byakuya closed and locked the door behind them and set Tohma's letter on his dresser. They stood quietly then, face to face next to the bed, the fingers of one hand entangled and their free hands touching each others' faces as they exchanged hungry, open-mouthed kisses.

"Kami, I've missed being able to kiss you like this!" Renji sighed, "It feels like I've been in love with you forever, but we've hardly been together like this at all."

"We're together now," Byakuya whispered, "And we will be together every night, once I come home."

"I can't wait for that," Renji mumbled, kissing him with more urgency, "It's hard falling asleep without you there. I know we didn't have so many nights together at the beach house before you came here, but it doesn't seem to matter. It doesn't seem right to fall asleep without you next to me."

"I feel the same," Byakuya said, his dark eyes locked on Renji's as the redhead wrapped his arms around the noble's body and lowered him onto the bed, "And even when I do finally sleep, I dream about you."

"Me too," Renji whispered, his breath shortening as his hands peeled away Byakuya's white yukata, revealing the soft, pale skin beneath, "I dream about you and I wake up aching all over to touch you…to breathe in your scent…to hear your voice. Damn…"

He groaned heatedly as Byakuya's hand wrapped around their touching lengths, sliding up and down and rubbing them together as the two men continued to kiss. Byakuya smiled at the shiver of impatience in the redhead's body, in the urgency expressed in his hands as they caressed the noble's body. Renji, he could tell, was holding back the full force of his desire. He sighed and closed his eyes, loving the redhead even more for his restraint, but feeling inside that such a thing was not a necessity.

"Renji," he whispered, tracing the shell of an ear with his tongue, "I won't break. I promise you. You can be yourself with me."

He couldn't tell at first if his words had registered with the redhead, but then he felt a shift in Renji's reiatsu, and the hands that explored his body, touched him with greater intensity. He smiled then, enjoying the feeling of Renji's strength, of being held tightly, with the redhead's heat and masculine scent surrounding him. He relaxed into Renji's touches, closing his eyes and letting mind and body fall under his lover's spell. He yielded easily to the rough, calloused hand that slid up his inner thigh, parting his legs as the redhead settled between them. He raised his hips, eagerly meeting the probing fingers that pushed into his entrance, thrusting, stretching and probing deeply, leaving the noble sweating and panting for breath. Renji's fingers hooked and found the pleasure center inside him, making him moan almost helplessly into the redhead's open mouth. He was already nearly undone when Renji lifted himself and removed his fingers from within the noble's trembling body.

There was a long, breathless moment while their eyes met and both men smiled.

Then Renji's body moved and the slick, wet head of his thick erection touched Byakuya, making the noble's skin blush, making his eyes close and his lips part in a lovely, sweet moan of surrender. The redhead's hips moved, taking him in short, gentle thrusts, although Byakuya could feel again, the careful restraint in his movements. His hands tightened on the redhead and his smiled widened, but he said nothing.

Renji paused, fully joined with him, and looked down into the dark, affectionate eyes, and Byakuya couldn't help but wonder, a bit poignantly, how long it would be before they were completely relaxed with each other again. But it didn't matter. Full healing would take time. And it was, in any case, pleasant to feel respected, valued and carefully protected by his red-haired fukutaichou and lover.

His head fell back and his half-closed eyes glazed over, his hips rising to meet each hungry, longing thrust. Renji planted kisses on his face and throat, but he hardly felt them as arousal awakened him inside, and heart and spirit purred with an intense, beautiful warmth. It flooded his body from end to end, sending shivers of delight through him as Renji's body coaxed his into a long, shuddering fall into completion. Renji's intense heat filled him inside as his own body seized in pleasure and loosed it again in splashes of warm wetness that pulsed onto their skin.

Byakuya fell still and laid beneath Renji, spread legged, calm and deeply sated, with Renji still buried in his body and feeding him kisses as he wandered aimlessly somewhere between wakefulness and sleep. It was with half a heart that he finally pulled free of the redhead, and the two indulged in each other again as they showered, before slowly dressing and seeing to the solemn task of letting go. After the redhead left, he sat quietly on his freshly made bed, gazing out the window and feeling Renji's heat still radiating inside him. He ached with renewed loneliness, but felt buoyed by the knowledge that Renji and the others were free to visit as often as they liked now. And even though he had to release them at the end of each day together, there need be little waiting before he could see them again.

"Byakuya?"

He looked up at his counselor and smiled wearily.

"I take it you enjoyed your family's visit."

"I did…very much, arigato."

"But it was difficult saying goodbye to them again, ne?"

"Yes. It does help, though, knowing they may come to see me any time now."

"You have worked hard to reach this point," Haru commented, "Renji came to see me as he left. He said that you seemed greatly improved over the last time he saw you. He is right about that. You have come a long way. But these last steps will be difficult, as you begin to reconnect with your life and encounter the fallout of all that has happened. As much as this is a safe place for you, you will have to relearn how to cope outside of these walls, how to use what you have learned to move forward. You will never forget what you endured, but you will move beyond it. You and I will take these next steps together, one by one, and soon…you and your family will be reunited."

"I look forward to that."

Haru's eyes strayed to the letter that sat on top of Byakuya's dresser, then to the sheathed zanpakutou that rested on a stand in the corner of the room.

"Good night, then," he said quietly, "I will see you in the morning."

Good night, Haru."

Byakuya continued to gaze out into the now-darkened sky, breathing slowly and focusing deeply on the memories of touching Koichi's soft skin, feeling the warmth of the sun as they sat on the grass beneath the trees and falling helplessly under Renji's eyes, his kisses, his rough, yet gentle hands. He fell asleep still leaned against the window sill, his head rested on his folded arms and the moon falling gently over his relaxed and sleeping form, making it glow softly.