I know. I know. This took for-flippin-ever. My apologies. But I should have the next chapter up in the next couple of days.

Happy Holidays, everyone. I hope each and ever one of you has a lovely couple of days with the people you love.

Enjoy.

CHAPTER 3

December 21, 2010

EPOV

I slam the door to my apartment behind me, almost spilling the paper cup of black coffee all over myself in my violent haste to get inside.

I'm livid. I'm exhausted. I'm confused. But mostly I'm just disappointed that I let her suck me in again, even if it was only for the night.

"Whoa, man," says Ben from his seat on our navy leather couch. With a book propped open in his lap and a mug of tea in his hand, he stares at me in shock. "I guess Bella tracked you down, huh?"

I abruptly stop mid-stride on my way to the kitchen, slowly turning on my heel to face my roommate. "How do you know that?" My voice is low, dangerous, and unfamiliar to my own ears.

"She was here last night, looking for you. I told her you were at Jake's. Should I have lied, man? You look like shit."

"No, it's fine." I plop down across from him in an armchair, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose.

"You had sex, didn't you?" Ben asks, sounding wary.

"Is it that obvious?" I sigh in response.

"Yeah. Have you looked in a mirror this morning?"

I groan into my palms. I'm doing a lot of groaning this morning, just no mirror looking.

"So are you getting back together? Where has she been the last two years? Is she back for good or just visiting for the holiday?" Ben has almost as many questions as I do, but we both lack the answers.

"I have no fucking clue where she has been or why she's back. But there's no way we're getting back together. I have moved on." I lie through my teeth, hoping Ben won't call me on it.

He laughs humorlessly. I guess that's his version of calling me on it.

"Okay, fine. I'm not over it. You don't spend the better part of four years with someone and not freak out a little when they come back. But I'm not a fucking masochist and will be avoiding Bella Swan," I say, attempting to convince both of us. "I don't know what she wants from me, but I'm certainly done with her."

"You aren't going to at least talk to her? What did she say this morning?"

"She didn't say anything this morning. I uh… I sort of snuck out before she woke up." I don't want to feel bad about my less then gentlemanly actions, but everything about how I've behaved since Bella reappeared last night totally goes against all my nice guy tendencies. I feel terrible even though she has done so much worse to me.

Waldo, my ginger cat, snakes around my ankles. I bend to pick him up and absently scratch behind his ears. Really, he's more Bella's than mine. She forced me into adopting him as a kitten during our junior year. She picked him out because he was a ginger, slightly cross-eyed, and the runt of the family. She called him Edward in cat form. He lived with me in the house on Goss because she couldn't have pets at the dorms, but he was really Bella's. "Where's Waldo?" she would ask whenever he wasn't around. She thought it was hilarious. I thought she was adorable.

She abandoned him too.

"Dude," Ben groans, indicating that he thinks I'm an asshole. Leaving her in the morning really wasn't a shining moment, and part of me agrees with him.

"I fucking know."

We sit in silence, staring at nothing and sipping on our respective hot beverages. Waldo purrs in my lap as I scratch his chin with my free hand.

"I've always liked Bella. But she has been really messed up for a long time."

Ben annoys me by interrupting my brooding to point out something so incredibly obvious. I annoy Waldo by ignoring him, and he jumps off the couch with his tail in the air.

"Yes? And?" I ask tersely, hand plowing through my hair.

"And maybe she has finally grown up. Maybe wherever the hell she's been the last two years helped her get better. She has to change eventually."

"Or maybe she hasn't changed at all and is fucking around with me as usual," I reply. Ben winces as my voice gets louder and harsher.

"You will never know until you talk to her," Ben says, a picture of tranquility and wisdom. Typical.

My phone rings in my pocket, making me jump. Hot coffee finally splashes all over my hand, and I curse vehemently. I glance to a smirking Ben who gestures for me to answer. I don't breathe as I retrieve my phone from my pocket, muscles tensed in anticipation of dealing with Bella.

But the face illuminating my iPhone is just my sister, sticking her tongue out at me.

"Holy mother of pearl," she says without a greeting as I answer. "I have Bella snot all over my favorite nightgown, and I blame you entirely."

"Alice," I snap. Ben chuckles at me, and I storm over to my bedroom to get a little privacy. It's very difficult to refrain from slamming the door behind me. "I don't want to talk about it. Wait… snot?"

"She just spent an hour crying in my arms. What the hell is going on?" my big twin demands, clearly upset with me.

"Bella was… crying?" In the six years I've known Bella I have never seen her cry. Not when Renee left, again. Not when her dad died. Even the thought of a single tear leaving those big brown eyes makes me feel like the world is going to end.

"No. Crying is far too tame an adjective. I would say she sobbed hysterically all over me." Alice sounds livid- not about the snot, but about the reason for all the tears.

"Why?" I squeak out. My twin is really scary. I would not be surprised if she made the thirty-mile drive to kick my ass.

"I don't know, my idiot brother. Do you want to hear what I do know? I know that last night a freaked out Jake finds me, saying that Bella is back and the two of you disappeared. I know when I got home, it's to the sounds of my brother and his long lost lady love getting it on. I know that said noise lasted all fucking night, preventing me from getting any sleep. I know that when I walked by your open bedroom door this morning, I saw Bella, wrapped in a sheet, sitting in the middle of the bed, staring at nothing. She looked so sad and lost and… God. That's all I know."

"Shit. This is so fucked up. Did she tell you anything? Like where she has been or what she is doing back?" I ask, desperation coloring my tone.

"Oh no. Oh no, no, no, NO! I'm not going to be your middleman with Bella. If you want to talk to her, call her or come visit."

"Visit?" I'm really a stunning conversationalist this morning.

"She's moving in to your old room, if it is okay with you," Alice replies, sounding suddenly very tired.

"It's not my room anymore," I point out. The moronic part of me likes the idea of Bella staying in my old room. "You can do whatever you want with it."

"I know. That's what I said. But Bella wanted me to check with you."

"So, she is staying?" I whisper into my phone.

Alice is silent for a long, torturous moment.

"Yeah, little twin." She sighs. "Bella's back."

After a long, hot shower and a thorough shave, I feel more like myself. More human. My brain throbs with a million different thoughts, and I'm thankful Bella chose to reappear after exams were finished or else I would have absolutely failed.

I cannot wrap my head around the events that have taken place in the last seventeen hours.

She touched my shoulder.

She was at Jake's.

She missed me.

She kissed me.

And then there was the sex. It was the most intense night of my life. Never before had Bella let me in like that. We connected on a whole new level.

I punch my wall in frustration, groaning before I flop face down on my bed. I'm romanticizing sex again. Sex is just sex to Bella. The whole experience with her last night had just been super emotional because I was shocked to see her, I missed her, and I was slightly intoxicated.

The whole evening was so surreal. I have difficulty even thinking about it.

Plus, it was hot as hell.

My phone goes off again, and I reach over to answer it without lifting my head from my pillows.

"Muumph." I tried to say hello, but it came out as an incomprehensible mutter.

"Brooooo." The voice of Jacob Black rumbled around between my ears, reminding me of my momentarily forgotten hangover.

"Jake. Please! Stop booming at me," I snap at him, but I don't think he can really understand me because my voice is still muffled by the pillows.

"Sorry, sorry. How you holding up? Guess who I just had lunch with?" Jake is like a damn puppy, and I find his enthusiasm and yippy voice highly annoying. Once upon a time, I hated him and news of him having lunch with Bella would have sent me in to a jealousy-induced tizzy. A lot has changed. "ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! In the motherfucking flesh. You probably already knew that though. Where did you two disappear to last night? Don't answer that. I really don't want to know. But seriously man, are you okay? I told her to stay away from you, that she really fucked you up last time."

He's worse than Alice, and I'm surprised that he is even letting me speak.

"I'm fine."

"Are you as shocked as I am? Because I was so fucking shocked when I saw her all up on you last night. I thought you would just fall over dead. I hadn't talked to her since… I don't know. June? Yeah, June. She didn't seem like she planned on coming back, but here she is. BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER!"

"Jake, please stop bellowing," I mumble. My request is ignored. "What did she say at lunch?"

"Oh, you know, the usual Bella stuff. We just caught up. She's back, you know— moving in to your old room."

"Where exactly has she been?" I desperately want to know, but I don't have the guts to just call her and ask.

"I forgot to ask her that. Oops."

Jake is an idiot.

"You are an idiot."

"I think she just traveled around everywhere, doing stuff and meeting people. She said she had lots of adventures. I think you made her sad though, dude."

Suddenly I'm furious. Alice thinks I'm an asshole. Jake thinks I'm an asshole. I think they are wrong. I'm the victim here, not Bella. Bella deserves a little sadness for what she did to me. I'm allowed to be pissed at her, goddamn it.

"I don't really give a fuck if she is sad, Jake. Sad is such a weak fucking emotion compared to all the shit she put me through over years. So if she is a little sad, then good. Great! I'm elated that I made her fucking sad. Maybe now she will leave me the fuck alone." I'm breathing heavy by the end of my rant. I'm violently angry, and my fist knots in my sheets as I try to get a hold on my emotions.

"Dude. That's harsh. You're such a pansy." Jake chuckles at me. He's unflappable to a fault, always happy, easygoing, and fucking annoying as fuck. "Pull your head out of your vagina. You're harshing my mellow."

"Fuck you, Jake," I curse at him, but there is no heat behind my words. It's extremely difficult to stay angry at someone so fucking happy. "Go smoke a tree."

"She's back, man. You're going to have to talk to her eventually." I both loathe and despise wise Jake. He is on the verge of going all hippy sage on me, so I distract him quickly.

"Why are you not more upset about this? I mean, she's your best friend. She left you, too! And you are just welcoming her back with open arms."

"Eddie-boy." Jake chuckles. "She's my best friend, and that is exactly why I'm welcoming her back with open arms. But I get why you have reservations. She totally pulled a Renee on you, and I can see why you're pissed. But come on, man, this is Bella. You can't ignore her forever."

"I can and I will," I mumble stubbornly.

"Dude, even if you decided you are totally done with her, which is motherfucking doubtful if you ask me, you still have to talk to her. Hash all this shit out."

"There is absolutely nothing to hash out."

Jake snorts into the receiver, and my hand finds its way into my hair.

"Whatever. I don't want to get in the middle of it." Jake's statement floors me. My mouth drops in shock, and I jerk into a sitting position on my bed.

Jake and Isabella have been best friends since they were eleven years old. They dated in high school, something that makes me irrationally, violently jealous whenever I think about it. Bella even lived with the Blacks for a couple years. He is fiercely protective of her and really hated me for years. The feeling was mutual.

Miraculously, we've become pretty good friends. It's weird.

The fact that Jake does not rush to defend his long lost friend justifies my position that Bella is in the wrong. Jake will always be there for her, yet he does not take her side? If there even are sides to take.

Confusion, thy name is Edward Anthony Cullen.

"Enough with the Edward pity party. It's the fucking holiday season! You're still coming to Boulder for Christmas, right? Alice's party is in a few days."

"Who will be there?" I ask. What I really mean is "Will Bella be there?"

"The usual suspects, I assume. I'm bringing Leah."

"So that is getting kind of serious, huh?"

"Shit, man. Fuck if I know. She sucks a mean cock, though."

"Jake…" I admonish.

"Bella will definitely be there too. She moved in to your old room and all. That's kinda weird, huh? Do you think that's weird? I mean, really, what do you think about that?" Jake's babbling is not endearing.

"Jake!" I snap, recognizing that I sound just like Bella when she's annoyed with him. "I really don't want to talk about Bella."

"Then what in the fuck are we going to talk about?"

"What have we been talking about for the last two years?"

"I don't know. Not Bella?"

"Exactly. When was the last time you heard me speak her name?"

"Today?"

"Before she came back, you idiot." I wonder if Jake is being purposely dense just to irritate me. If so, he is doing a fabulous job, and I just want this torturous conversation to be over.

"Um… when she left?"

"Right you are, Jake! Well done."

Silence stretches between us, and I am eager to get off the phone. This conversation has exhausted me further, and now the silence is just awkward.

"Well, nice talking to you, man," he says in a rush.

"Yeah, take care, dude. See you soon."

I hang up and flop back into my pillows. It's going to be the worst Christmas ever.

August 16, 2004

EPOV

"Goddamn it, Edward! It's ringing. I can't believe you're calling him!" Alice huffs, her face contorts in rage when she realizes I'm serious about calling our brother. The Jasper-screws-my-sister scenario is not something I have any idea how to deal with. Plus, standing up to Alice is difficult, and I need Emmett in my corner.

"Shut up, Alice!"

"Why are you being such an ass about this, Edward? Just because your moral compass will guarantees you won't lose your virginity until you are sixty doesn't mean the rest of us don't want to get laid!"

I try to ignore her, but then I realize Bella is missing. Alice seizes on my distraction and snatches my phone from my grasp.

"Or maybe you are just a giant hypocrite. What the hell were you doing last night with MY roommate, hmm?" she asks, smirking now. "If you can fuck my roommate, why can't I fuck yours?"

"WHAT?" The question explodes from my phone, which Alice waves about. Apparently, Emmett has answered, hearing my twin's little spiel, and he doesn't sound happy. Thank God. I really need some backup.

Also, Bella is gone, and this makes me quite gloomy.

Alice pales and slowly raises the phone to her ear.

"Good morning, brother dearest… No, I didn't call you… Hey! Don't yell at me. Edward is the reason you are awake right now… Yeah, you heard me right… No, it isn't like that. You know Edward… Come to breakfast with us… His name is Jasper, and no, you are not allowed to kick his ass… Emmett, you are going to be the best of friends, trust me… Okay, we will meet you there… LOVE YOU."

And that is how I end up going to breakfast with my older brother and his bitchy girlfriend and my twin sister and my roommate who slept with said twin sister.

We arrive at the Village Coffee Shop before Em and Rose after a very tense bus ride. Alice, who has some vision of Emmett siding with her no doubt, is downright cheery. She sits between Jasper and me. Neither of us is willing to speak, and we both glare moodily out the bus windows.

When we arrive at the restaurant, the waitress leads us to a large booth. Jasper and I shuffle around awkwardly, both trying to sit next to Alice.

"Jesus God!" yells my twin in frustration, pushing me down on the bench before sliding in next to Jasper. "Edward, stop being such a prude. Jasper, apologize for talking about me that way to my brother."

Jasper turns his body toward my big twin, putting an arm over her shoulder and a hand on her thigh. I clench my fists under the table and lock my jaw to stay silent. He doesn't look as if he is about to apologize to me.

"Alice. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for ever talking about you that way. It was inappropriate and disrespectful. The truth is— that was just stupid guy talk. I was trying to impress your brother. And I know that we just met a few days ago, but I… really like you, and I hope you like me too."

Wow, that's honest.

Alice stares at Jasper with wide eyes and a big, goofy grin on her face. Jasper has just succeeded in shocking both of us. And Alice is never shocked.

"Edward," he says, turning back to me, though Alice continues to stare at him adoringly. "I apologize for my lewd language. I really do care about your sister, and I plan on treatin' her real nice."

I just nod, having no idea what else to do.

The two of them go back to staring devotedly at each other for way too long. It is very uncomfortable for me, and I glance repeatedly over my shoulder, hoping my oversized brother will appear.

Eventually, Alice clears her throat daintily and looks in her lap for a moment, before turning back to me.

"See Edward? Happy?" she asks.

I just brood in silence, thankful when I hear Emmett boom behind me, so my response is not required.

"There are the little freshmen," he yells. "Already up to no good. So this is the motherfucker who has seen my little sister naked?"

Emmett scowls down at Jasper, who looks a little alarmed at our brother's size but keeps it together decently.

"Name's Jasper Whitlock," says my roommate, rising and extending a hand. "Pleasure to meet you. I like your sister very much."

Emmett laughs, slides in next to me, and grabs the menu from my hand. "You're a funny fucker. I like you. Did you hear the accent, Rose? A real gentlemen this one." Emmett's scary girlfriend sits next to my brother and glowers at me. I have only met her a handful of times, but her dislike for me was instant.

I roll my eyes as Alice smirks at me. Tinker Bell has succeeded in getting Emmett on her side. Growing up in a house with three kids meant there was always politics. In a dispute, you had to get someone else on your side or you were sure to lose. Typically it has been Alice and me against Emmett.

I thought he was sure to be on my side today.

Stupid Jasper.

Introductions are made, and I stay silent. There are a lot of big personalities at the table, and I tend to get lost in the shuffle. People think I'm quiet, shy, especially if they know my siblings. I'm like that, really. I just don't speak unless I have something worthwhile to say.

"So what is this I hear about even Eddie getting laid last night?" Emmett says, rounding on me.

"Don't call me Eddie," I reply.

"Yeah!" Alice puts in, bouncing excitedly in her seat. "Edward, what the hell were you doing with my roommate last night? Where did you even meet her? She has spent like no time in our room, and doesn't really talk when she is there."

"Nothing happened. She stumbled into my room last night, drunk, thinking it was hers," I mumble into my coffee. "It's not like I was going to kick her out."

"That's understandable actually. You are 233 East. We are 233 West," Alice says, looking thoughtful.

"So you didn't bone?" Emmett asks, his blue eyes narrowing at me.

"No, Emmett."

"So you're still a virgin?" he clarifies.

I roll my eyes as everyone giggles at my discomfort. Rosalie's guffaws are particularly loud. She just is not a nice person.

Plus, it is not like I'm about to correct them. The fewer people who know about my horrible night with Tanya the better.

"So, when are you going to see Isabella again?" Alice asks.

"Isabella? She told me to call her Bella," I say quietly.

"Wait, wait, wait," Rosalie says loudly, putting her hands up and glaring back and forth between Alice and me. "Isabella? Goes by Bella? What is her last name?"

"Swan," Alice says warily.

"Bella fucking Swan is your roommate? Bella fucking Swan is the girl that spent the night in your room?" Rosalie is screeching. Her eyes blaze, and she's truly terrifying. Even Emmett unconsciously scoots away from her.

"Ye… yes?" I stutter awkwardly, not knowing if she really wants an answer.

"Then it's a wonder you didn't get laid, Eddie," she says, her voice dripping in disdain. "Because that useless bitch is the biggest whore in Boulder."

"Don't call me Eddie," I say quietly, clenching my hands under the table. I never would consider myself a violent person, but I have an overwhelming urge to smack Rosalie for talking about Bella like that.

"I take it you know her then?" Alice says coolly, tapping her dark red nails on the table.

"Yeah, I fucking know her. She used to be my best friend, until she fucked my boyfriend junior year of high school. God, I can't even believe that slut got into CU. There is no way she's paying for tuition. Probably sleeping with someone on the board, that fucking bitch."

I don't know Bella. At all, really. But that doesn't stop the crazy emotions coursing through me. I want to defend her honor and protect her from hurt. I want to scream at Rosalie and tell her to shut the fuck up.

"Wow, Rosie, that sounds a little harsh," Emmett says, playing peacemaker.

"Whatever, it's the fucking truth. God, I hate her! I guess you lucked out, though," she said, turning her hateful eyes back to me. "She probably would have given you herpes, Eddie."

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME EDDIE!" Everyone within a ten-foot radius falls quiet at my exclamation. My siblings and their significant others stare at me in shock.

I suppose my outburst is surprising. I am the quiet one. The calm one. The logical one. And for the most part, I am all those things. Except when it comes to Bella, apparently.

I stay silent for the remainder of the meal, and the tension lingers. I seethe at Rosalie's words and plot a way to get Alice to tell me everything she knows about her mysterious roommate.