Welcome to the 7th installment of Hallett Hall!
It's kinda a long one, and I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks everyone for the kind words and encouragement in review form.
I don't own.
December 22, 2010
EPOV
"Goddamn, fucking, cat," I mutter without even opening my eyes.
Waldo's sand paper tongue on my ear wakes me in the morning. I try to swat him away, but he's persistent. He's truly the weirdest cat. Of course Bella would pick out such an odd ball.
Bella.
Instantly my eyelids shoot open, and I become aware of her in my arms with her back to me. The covers are pulled up above her chin, and from my angle I can see her open eyes. Bella's always the early riser, and I'm surprised she is still in bed. Her breathing is even, and I can feel her move against my chest. When I realize that my hand found her tit in my sleep, and my morning wood pokes her butt, I jump away from her body. Waldo, who was curled up behind my neck, doesn't like this at all and scratches my exposed skin.
"Motherfucker!" I yell, pushing him off the bed as I clutch my damaged throat.
"He's hungry. That's why he's so cranky. He's always hungry in the morning," Bella murmurs. At the commotion, she rolled and is staring up at me from the pillows.
She looks too beautiful, my breathing stops, and I fight the urge to kiss her temple, just as I used to do every morning.
"I'm aware," I grumble, swinging my legs out of bed and wincing when the cold air hits my toes. "I've been dealing with him alone for the last two years."
"Edward…" Bella starts, but I really don't have the energy to fight with her.
"Just don't, Bella," I sigh, walking to my dresser and pulling on a thick pair of woolen socks.
"I shouldn't have gotten into bed with you last night," she says, still curled up in my bed like she never left it. But she did. She left. She left. She left.
"No, you shouldn't have."
"I'm sorry."
It amazes me, the number of times she has apologized in the last twenty-four hours. More then the rest of our relationship combined.
"But… it's just too hard. Knowing you were just on the other side of this door and not being with you was just too hard. The pull… And then it was cold and I couldn't just lie there in that foreign, cold bed all alone."
"You had Waldo," I reply, glaring down at the cat who is now sitting at my feet, staring at me with his big green, crossed eyes.
"You didn't have to make me stay," she says quietly. "Part of you wants me here or you wouldn't have told me to stay. I could've taken the bus yesterday."
"I just took your keys," I snap defensively, recognizing the truth in her words. "Not your bus pass."
Bella's brow furrows as she frowns at me, and its very hard work to keep myself from smoothing it with my thumb.
"You don't have to take me to Boulder," she says. "I'll just take the bus."
"No, its fine," I hear myself reply. I should make her take the bus, but I like having her with me. I like I knowing where she is. "I was planning on heading up there in the next couple days anyway. For Christmas, and all that."
I pull a duffle out of my closet and start tossing clothes in it.
After packing silently for a few moments, I hear the covers rustle behind me. Glancing sneakily over my shoulder, I see her get up, dressed only in an oversized flannel shirt and a pair of black boy short underwear. We make eye contact, and my head snaps back to my packing. I hate that I was caught peaking.
"I'll feed Waldo," she murmurs.
Bella exits the room without another word, leaving me to pack and get dressed. I pull on a thick green sweater before realizing that Bella purchased it for me and dawning a grey one instead. After brushing my teeth and failing to tame my hair, I follow the smell of coffee to the kitchen.
Bella's right, I can't make a decent cup. But she can. She hands me a mug, and the liquid is black and strong, just as I like it.
"Want me to make you breakfast?" she offers, sitting on my kitchen counter and nibbling on a piece of toast. I'm thankful she's pulled on her black jeans, even if they are tight as fuck. Bella covered is only slightly less appealing then Bella naked.
"No, just the coffee." I glance at the clock on the oven. It's already eleven. I can't believe Bella stay in bed as long as she did. "We should get going. Where's Waldo?"
Bella giggles into her mug of tea. After four years, I thought she would have tired of her own little joke.
"I'll find him," she says, draining her cup and hopping off the counter.
Everything feels so normal. I don't really know what to do with myself. So I stay in the kitchen and finish my coffee. She emerges a few minutes later, dressed in her mustard scarf, leather jacket, and combat boots, cradling Waldo like the lazy baby he is.
Wordlessly, I bundle up, sling my duffle over my shoulder, and follow her out the door.
"This is your car?" she asks, following me to my semi-buried Volvo.
I nod as I open the passenger door, and gesture for her to enter.
"It's perfect," she says with a smile, handing me the ice scraper.
Begrudgingly, I take it and stare at the two feet of snow on the windshield. There is nothing I despise quite like clearing the snow and ice off my car. It's cold and wet, the main reason I don't like winter. But Bella and I have places to be, so I begin the arduous task.
Bella's truck is a couple spaces away and equally covered. I'm glad she didn't insist on driving it back. The Volvo has snow tires, and I happen to be an excellent driver where as the truck barely starts and Bella gets easily distracted. Eventually, we will address the issue of her truck in Denver, but for now we leave it where it is.
As I pull put off the parking lot, Bella retrieves her iPhone and plugs it into the jack. She messes around for a moment before Josh Ritter's melodious voice comes over the speakers. I smile, even know this choice hurts.
"No reggae today?" I ask as we pull onto highway 36 that will take us directly to Boulder. The tension in the car is too thick and prompts me to speak.
"I don't like reggae when it's cold. It's summer time music," she replies, looking out the window. I nod, even though I already know her opinions on music and seasons. The car slips back into silence. Josh Ritter continues to sing, and Waldo purrs away, happier then he has been in two years since Bella left.
Unfortunately, I know just how he is feeling. I'm trying so hard to remain unaffected by Bella, but there is no denying how happy her presence makes me. It would be so easy, to slip back into a familiar pattern with her.
I could forgive her. We would turn back into the couple (if you could call us that) we were two years ago. She would insist things between us were casual, while I would ignore her because they so obviously aren't. I would convince myself that Bella really did love me, even if she couldn't say the words. We would settle, and I would be happy again, but I cannot live with the fear of her disappearing again. I deserve someone to love me as hard as I love them.
I don't see this happening in the near future. All I can see is Bella. It's a problem.
"Emmett isn't talking to me," Bella says when we go up to the last hill out of Broomfield to see a snow covered Boulder laid out beneath us. "If it makes you feel better."
"It does, actually," I reply tersely even though I have mixed feelings on the hostility of my brother. His silence is totally justified, of course. And I appreciate that he is firmly on my side, unlike my big twin and Jake, but I still don't like the thought of people being antagonistic to my Bella. I filled the role of protector for so long, and those feelings have not dissipated with her absence as much as I want them too.
"I know I fucked up, Edward," she says, eyes fixed on the mountains looming above our town. "Emmett's silent treatment is as deserved as your anger. I just hope that you will talk to me, eventually. I'm not going anywhere."
I sigh loudly. My feelings are all over the place, so I say nothing.
Ten minutes later, I park on the street outside of my old house. My insides warm up at the sight. The years I spent here were some of the best of my life. It was home to me, especially after my father retired and my parents started traveling the world.
The house on Goss is home base for the Cullen family. My parents, in a moment of a truly over the top display of their generosity and wealth, bought it for Alice and I as a graduation present. It was a nice gesture, but I didn't want it. There were too many memories of Bella there, so Alice had been working on buying up my share. With her money, I bought my Volvo and the ability to visit often.
We walk up the familiar steps, and I hold the door open, gesturing for Bella to enter in front of me.
"Hello?" I call out, shutting out the cold behind me and slipping out of my shoes. Christmas has exploded in the house. I smile at the enthusiasm of my sister, taking in the garlands, twinkling white lights, and other holiday memorabilia.
There is no answer, but I hear bass thudding in the basement indicating that at least Emmett or Jasper is home. The girls don't venture down there because it reeks of pot and sweaty man. It was dubbed the man cave long ago, and I would never set foot in it if it didn't house my piano.
Bella let's Waldo down, and he immediately disappears into the basement, the little stoner. I hang up our jackets in the hall closet, and then ascend the stairs, walking down the hallways to my room, before I realize a problem.
It's not my room anymore.
I open the door, dropping my bag in shock as I take in the new décor. Or maybe old is a more apt description.
When I moved out, I left the majority of my stuff packed up in boxes in the closet or the basement. I needed a fresh start in Denver, and I couldn't bring the familiar posters and pictures with me to my new apartment. Bella had quite a hand in decorating my room. It was once a combined reflection of our personalities, something I never expected to see again.
But almost everything is just as it was.
The east wall is all bookshelf and packed to the gills with literary masterpieces and scientific editions. It also holds a hodgepodge of stuff we collected over the years.
A pretty blown glass vase I bought from a street vendor on Pearl because Bella said she liked the colors. A beanie baby cat I gave her, before she wore me down enough to get a real one. A large clay mug Bella made me to accommodate the excessive amounts of coffee I consume daily.
Each poster and picture is in its proper place. An eclectic selection of band posters fix together like wallpaper around the closet: The Expendables, Bob Marley, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Josh Ritter, The Magnetic Fields. Bella calls it our concert wall and once she updated it with each show we attended.
On the west wall hangs a large oil painting of Bella and I in our meadow on Independence Pass, an Alice Cullen original. We sit to the left, dwarfed by the massive expanse of grass and wildflowers surrounding us. We don't necessarily look happy, Bella looks lost and I look desperate, but energy between us is palatable.
The comforter on the bed is different, but still familiar. It is thick and colorful, hand sewn by Bella's Nana Swan before Bella was even born. I'm not surprised to see that half the bed is covered in purple pillows. Above the headboard is another, dark abstract painted by my sister. It's the Flatirons. Despite the color pallet, the shape and texture is obvious.
Transfixed, I move to the long mahogany desk under the window. This desk was once my territory, the only space devoted to me in the whole room. I kept it meticulously organized. Many nights during the school year, I could be found here studying while Bella read in the papasan chair next to me.
Most of the pictures on the desk remain unaltered. I smile as I trace our smiling faces through the glass. My favorite is of Bella, studying in our secret library spot. Somehow, I managed to capture a softness in Bella that is not readily apparent. I always thought she was a big softy on the inside, but her departure had me questioning everything.
A close second was taken in the backyard, a week after we brought Waldo home. He was so tiny; he fit in Bella's cupped hands. She is gazing at the cat with adoration and while I gazed at her.
I never wanted the damn cat, but it made her so happy. Once upon a time, I would have done anything to make her happy.
"Alice said she asked you about moving in. Are you sure this is okay? This room will always be yours," Bella blabbers from behind me. I can tell by her voice that she is nervous, gauging my reaction. "And it's probably weird that I put all your old stuff back up. I should have asked first. But I hated this room without it. I wanted it to be familiar."
"Its fine," I say gruffly, finally managing to find my voice. Like most things involving Bella's return, I don't know how I feel about what I'm seeing. "You work fast."
In one day, Bella virtually set the clock back two years.
"I really, really hated what Alice did with this room. There was nothing of you in it," she murmurs.
"I don't really even understand why you would want any of me in it, anyway," I grumble.
"Because, you're everything," is her simple reply.
I close my eyes, fighting the goddamn pull to this woman. She is no good for me. She is the master of stringing me along, and I can't let her continue to manipulate me as she did for years. In the years since she left, I'd changed. I'd grown up.
Bella moves around me, grabbing a couple pillows, spare blankets, and her journal before walking back to the door.
"Where are you going?" I demand, because as much as I want her to leave me alone, I hate watching her walk away.
"I was just going to set up camp in the living room," she says. "I know you are sick of me by now."
"Living room?" I ask, turning to look at her.
"Yeah…" she says, shuffling her feet and blushing. "I know you are staying here until at least New Years… So I'll sleep on the couch."
I had not considered our sleeping situation until this moment. It amazed me how easily I slipped back into old patterns and I suppose I'd just assumed we would sleep together.
Internally, I curse myself vehemently.
"No, I can't let you do that," I snap, angry with both of us. "This is your room now. I'll take the fucking couch."
"Edward, don't be ridiculous. I'm an unexpected complication, ruining your Christmas. This is your room. Take it."
"No." Damn I sound angry.
"Edward," she moans in exasperation. "Don't be stubborn. I have some serious repenting to do, so please. Just let me sleep on the couch."
We stare at each other intently for a long time before I finally nod, and she disappears out the door.
November 19, 2004
"What the hell, Cullen? Are you stalking me?"
At the sound of her voice, I whip my head around to take in the glory that is Isabella Swan. Waiting in DIA for a flight back home to Seattle for Thanksgiving break is not somewhere I expect to see her, but I'm sure not complaining.
I grin up from my seat at her even though it is apparent from the tone of her voice that she is not kidding about the stalking.
Bella crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me as I survey her. She wasn't in Biology all week, and the separation has me going through Bella withdrawals. I stare at her black Converse covered feet and move up her legs. She wears tight black denim pants. Under her fitted leather jacket is a red and white plaid shirt that's shockingly similar to the one I have on. A long, gold necklace with a feather charm swings in her belly button area, momentarily distracting me.
"Eyes up here, Cullen," Bella barks, snapping her fingers at me to break my trance. My gaze finally reaches her face to find her blushing. I wish I know what that blush says about what she is thinking.
"Hello, Bella," I reply, flashing her what she dubbed "the panty dropping grin." This only makes her blush more, and I am quite pleased with my self.
Bella sighs dramatically, dropping her worn leather backpack to the floor and sitting in the seat next to me. Moments earlier it was occupied by Emmett, but he ran off to the bathroom. Probably to hurl. He doesn't like to fly.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she demands as my body turns towards hers seemingly on its own accord.
"Waiting for my flight home to start boarding. What else would I be doing in an airport?"
"You are waiting for this flight?" She gestures towards the gate and glowers at me incredulously.
"Yup."
"You're from Seattle?" Bella inquires. She is acting weird. Well, weirder then usual. How does she not know this? She's only living with my sister.
"No. I 'm from Forks this little—" I start to answer her question but she cuts me off.
"I know where Forks is!" she says, her voice low and dangerous.
"You do?" No one has ever heard of my hometown, and I raise an eyebrow in skepticism.
"Yes. Goddamn it. The universe hates me. I bet God or Buddha or Krishna or Jesus or whoever is looking down at the moment, having a good old belly laugh." She glares up at the ceiling and shakes her fist like we are in some old, poorly acted melodrama.
She continues to curse various deities, and even in her lunacy, all I want to do is touch her, kiss her, and hold her.
"Bella," I say quietly, interrupting her rant. "What in the world are you talking about?"
She sighs dramatically. Again. She's always signing dramatically at me.
"I'm from Forks."
I laugh loudly at this statement, thinking that she is joking.
"No you're not," I say after she remains silent for a moment. "There are like 3000 people in Forks and I at least know most of them."
"I moved away with my mom when I was a baby. My dad still lives there. I knew I should have never agreed to go see him. I'm a fucking moron." Bella slouches down in her seat as she pouts, getting so low to the ground that her chin touches her chest.
I wish my chin were touching her chest.
"Charlie Swan is your dad?" I ask, connecting the dots. Her dad is the chief of police in my hometown. Weird. What were the chances? "I didn't know the chief has a kid."
"He doesn't. I have only seen him three times since I was ten. I barely even count as his child." She looks so cute when she pouts. Her teeth work her button lip, and her brow furrows. I have to stick my hands in my pockets to keep myself from touching her face with my fingertips. She wouldn't like that at all.
"So why are you visiting him then?" I have so many questions for Bella. The girl is a complete mystery to me, and if she let me, I would devote all my time to learning everything there is to learn about her. I want to know her favorite movie, book, snack, and etcetera. Her likes, dislikes. I want to know her history, her hopes, and dreams.
Emmett often and accurately calls me a pansy.
"Better then the alternative, I guess," she says shrugging her shoulders and closing her eyes.
"Which is?" I press.
"Drop it, Adonis," she responds tersely.
"Fine. You know this is like fate or something, right?" I ask her, changing the subject as instructed.
"What the hell are you talking about?" She sits up in her seat so she can glare at me properly, right in the eye. She spends a lot of time glaring at me, yet she doesn't tell me to leave her alone at all anymore.
Ah, progress.
"Bella. You should just give up now and admit that you are in to me. Fate obviously wants us to be together. It's destiny," I say good-naturedly. Bella turns bright red as she narrows her eyes at me. She appears to be seconds away from punching me. She has her Edward punching face on.
"Shut up, will you?" she growls through her clenched jaw.
"I see you aren't denying it. What are the chances that we would both be going to the same tiny town for Thanksgiving? That you would be born in the same town I grew up in? That you would get Alice as a roommate? Those are not random occurrences, it is fate." I lean back in my seat and rest with my palms on the back of my head, grinning as Bella turns purple, and her eye twitches.
I love messing with her. She freaks out so easily. Only a small part of me believes the words coming out of my mouth. She is so hot when she is irate.
"Are you high? Babbling psycho, hippy, crap at me. There is no destiny, no fate. Life is a random series of bullshit events, and all you can is survive. The only person you can depend on is yourself so you have to just suck it up and deal!"
As Bella's voice grows in volume and hysteria, the smirk falls from my face. I like to tease Bella, to annoy her and coax a reaction, but never would I intentionally say anything to genuinely upset her.
Bella's eyes are wide and her breathing labored. Her hands shake in her panic, and suddenly she leaps up, moving away from me. I grab her wrist, trying to fix what ever I messed up but fully anticipating Bella to pull away from me. Surprisingly, my touch seems to sooth her, and she look at me pleadingly.
Her big brown eyes are so dangerous. One look, at I will do anything for her.
I realize that Bella is scared. Strong, fiercely independent, don't need nobody, show no weakness Isabella Swan is scared, and I need to make it better for her.
A gentle tug on her arm is all it takes for her to plop back down in her seat, her eyes never leaving my face. I rest our still joined hands on the top of her thigh.
"Hey," I say, trying to keep my voice low and non-threatening. "I was just screwing around."
She nods, but the panic did not dissipate.
"You haven't seen your Dad in a long time, huh?" I say conversationally, running my thumb over her knuckles. The intimacy of the connection makes my heart soar. Normally, she would shy away from such a touch.
Again, she nods. Her big, earnest eyes distract me momentarily, and I forget where I'm going with my comforting. She is just so beautiful.
"Not since I was thirteen," she whispers.
"That's a long time," I murmur.
"Whatifhedoesnotlikeme?" she says, super quickly.
This is a side of Bella I have never seen, and it's ludicrously appealing. It confirms that she has a soft and gooey center, just as I expected.
"Bella," I reply, smiling softly at this amazing girl. She is such a bundle of contradictions, and I find her fascinating. Though the gesture runs the risk of completely freaking her out and ruining the moment, I can't help but stroke her cheek.
Slowly and cautiously, I move my fingers over her pale, smooth skin. Her eyelashes flutter, and I inhale sharply, enjoying the sensation of electricity tingling our skin.
"He's your Dad, he loves you. You're a college kid now! I'm sure he is one proud papa." Her lips twitch into a slight smile, so I kept going. "Look at you, who could not love you?"
The reverence in my tone is probably a little embarrassing, and Bella's eyes narrow slightly, but she doesn't pull away.
Would it be wrong to kiss her under such circumstances?
"Edward, I got juice. Do you want apple or cranberry? I don't think Emmett is going to want anyth— Oh!" Alice, with her typically flare for perfect timing, chooses that moment to come back from the snack bar, arms full of granola bars and fashion magazines. The moment we hear my twin's voice, the spell is broken, and Bella jerks away from my touch, pulling her hands from mine. "Bella! What are you doing here?"
When Alice sees that I am glaring at her intensely, she deposits all her goodies in my lap, slapping the back of my head as she takes the seat next to me.
"Waiting for my flight, short stack," Bella says with a lazy smile. She slips back into her usual, laid back demeanor so seamlessly. It's a little dizzying.
"Why are you going to Seattle?" Alice chirps, popping an M&M in her mouth and crossing her legs while I sulk about my ruined moment with Bella.
"You're her roommate," I grumble. "How did you not know?"
"She told me that she was spending the holiday with some friends, little twin," Alice sneers.
"Change of plans," Bella responds, interrupting our sibling bickering.
"She's from Forks!" I burst out at my sister, venting my frustrations on the annoying little pixie. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know. Bella has a policy," Alice says, giggling.
"Policy?" I ask.
"Yeah, my brother annoys her so much she banned me from talking about anything involving my family," Alice says, smirking at me as I turn bright red. I thought Bella at least saw me as a friend. Guess not.
"It was a long time ago," Bella murmurs, not looking at me. "Before biology and the library."
Her words placate me somewhat, but I'm still brooding as Alice chatters away about our home time. Like me, Bella isn't a big talker, something that is definitely a positive when hanging out with Alice. It's best to just let the twin blather. Bella glances at me several times, blushing and smiling, but at what I cannot say.
Eventually, Emmett returns, still looking slightly green and clenching his fists. He doesn't even question Bella's presence and gives her a terse nod before sitting next to her.
It's just a flight. Who's the real pansy here?
Bella boards first, waving to us as she shoulders her backpack. I am disappointed that our time together is ending. It's how I feel at the end of biology every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. If I had my way, I would spend all of my time just being with Bella.
A few minutes later, our section is called, and we trudge down the aisle. Bella is sitting in a middle seat, large headphones over her ears. She is biting her lip and staring out the window with unfocused eyes. As we approach, a man is taking the seat next to Bella.
"Hey do you mind trading me seats?" I ask without really thinking.
"Why?" he replies, looking confused.
"She's my friend," I say, shrugging my shoulders and gesturing to the lost looking girl in the middle seat. She has her headphones on and has yet to notice me.
"Oh right. I get it buddy. What kind of seat you got?"
"A window. Four rows back."
"Okay!" He trades spots with me as Alice chuckles and moves passed me. I stuff my duffle into the overhead and sit next to Bella.
Glancing at me, she does a double take and squeaks a little when she sees me.
"Shit, Cullen, where in the fuck did you come from?" Tough girl Bella is back, and I find I don't mind it at all. Scared and vulnerable or hard and crass, I like all aspects of Bella.
"Just down that aisle," I say, making a big show of pointing toward the door by the cabin.
"Cute," Bella replies, fighting against her own grin.
"Aw thanks, babe. I think you're cute too." My voice is song-singy so she knows I'm just teasing.
She rolls her eyes and punches me in the shoulder.
"So you have an anti Edward policy huh?" I say trying to sound casual but unfortunately, I just come off as hurt and whiney.
Bella grimaces and looks out the window. "Yeah… sorry bout that. Alice was just all up in my shit the day after I… the day after we…"
"Slept together?" I offer, waggling my eyebrows suggestively.
"Yes. Right. That. I was embarrassed, all right? You flustered me," she mutters, still not looking at me.
"Flustered? Pasted tense?" I push.
"Edward. Do me a favor and just shut the fuck up about it ok? I'm letting you sit here, aren't I?"
"Wow. Bella, I'm honored. You must really like me, letting me sit next to you and all," I reply, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You know I don't not like you, you cocky bastard," she says, with a customary smack to my arm. I'm going to bruise. It says a lot about my sick obsession with her that I'm looking forward to her marking me.
"Does this mean you will finally go out with me?" I asked, trying to dazzle her with my smile. Since the beginning of the year, I ask her out at least once every two weeks. She thinks I'm joking, and I don't hold any real hope that she'll say yes.
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Bellaaaa…"
"Edward."
"Why not? I'm charming."
"You are not, you nerdy little mama's boy," she says with a laugh. "Plus, I don't want to."
I sit back with a huff, and Bella smirks, bringing her headphones back over her ears. I want to keep talking to her, but this constant foisting myself on my unwilling ladylove is exhausting, depressing, and humiliating. She has a freaking anti-Edward policy for goodness sake.
Five minutes later Bella is forced to cram her iPod in the seat back pocket in front of her. She turns to look at me expectantly, as if I have something more to say. We are used to sitting together in easy silence, but Bella can tell that I'm not pleased. Usually when I'm not pleased, I bug her until I feel better about whatever the hell is going on between us.
"How you doin over their, dude?" Bella says, leaning forward in her seat after take off, trying to make eye contact with me. I am too busy brooding to indulge her. I just grunt in response, keeping my arms crossed over my chest and my eyes fixed on the mini TV embedded in the seat in front of me. The cat fight flashing on the reality show in front of me proves to be a lacking form of distraction.
"Are you cranky because I say I didn't not like you?"
Again, I grunt. She lays her head on my shoulder and looks up at me with her big brown eyes. I work really hard to focus on the screen, to keep the smile off my face, and to ignore how good even the slightest touch from her feels.
"Are you cranky about my former policy?"
She pushes her nose into my jaw and blinks at me with her fucking eyes. It is not fair. Bella's very good at determining when she's pushed me too far, and then reeling me back in. She really is evil, and even though I know she is manipulating me, I give in.
"Former?" Glancing down at her, I squeeze my arms across my chest to keep myself from touching her.
"Yeah. Former. Thank you, by the way."
"What for?" I ask, disappointed as she pulled away from me to sit up straight in her seat.
"For not saying anything about my minor freak out before," she mutters, studying her nails. "It was just a bizarre moment. An aberration. I do not give a flying fuck what Charlie Swan thinks of me."
I can't help the slight eye roll. She is so full of it.
"Well, if you need a break from the chief of police, give us a call. You're welcome to come over whenever," I say, my heart beating wildly in my chest at her proximity and the thought of seeing her throughout the week.
"Really?" Bella's face lights up like the New York City skyline.
"Consider this your standing invitation to la casa de Cullen."
Bella and I lapse into silence, both donning our headphones. She relaxes into my side, putting her head back on my shoulder and closing her eyes.
I never want the flight to end, but eventually we land at SeaTac. We meet up with my siblings, laughing and taunting Emmett about his flying phobia as we make our way outside to the passenger pick up. The four of us stand on the curb, waiting for the parentals to pull up.
A familiar police cruiser arrives, and I sense Bella's tension at my side. She shuffles closer to me, yet her face remained impassive. It truly amazes me. Bella's compulsion to bottle up everything she's feeling is both alarming and beguiling. I like to think that I am figuring her out, breaking through that hard as nails façade. She seems to trust me, and is finally opening up slightly. Even admitting to not not liking me.
I desperately want to be her go to person, but I have no idea what I am doing. All I know is that as her estranged father approaches, I feel nothing but protective of the girl at my side.
"Edward? Alice? Emmett?" Charlie says, emerging from his parked car. His eyes dart between the four of us, and he looks exceedingly uncomfortable. He knows us because he works with Carlisle when medicine and police work overlap. "Do you know Isabella?"
"She's my roommate, Chief Swan!" Alice says, bouncing forward as Bella once again moves closer to me. I wonder if she will freak out if I put my arm around her teeny tiny waist.
The hands go into the pockets of my jeans instead. But I did place myself protectively in front of her.
"Isn't that crazy? Small world, huh?" Alice continues.
"Yeah small world," Chief Swan agrees. "Staying out of trouble?" He turns his gaze onto Emmett, who shuffles nervously.
"Of course, chief." Emmett has a bit of reputation in Forks because of his various illegal escapades. Most involve indecent exposure. His brushes with the law are somewhat legendary.
"Good. Good. Hello, Isabella," Charlie says, finally addressing his daughter.
"Bella." Bella and I correct him at the same time before looking at each other with matching, embarrassed grins.
"Right. Bella. Let's get going, ok?" Charlie grabs her duffle and moves towards the car. She steps away from me, following her Dad as I quell the urge to grab her hand to prevent her from leaving.
"Bella!" I call just before she closes her door. "We're just going to hang out, watch movies at our place tonight. You should come over."
"Totally!" put in Alice as Emmett looks at me like I've lost my mind.
Bella smiles slyly at us before nodding her heard. "Okay."
I grin as I watch the car pull away and disappear from sight.
November 23, 2004
"Oh, honey. You look so handsome. Not that you didn't look great before, but Alice's make over is really working for you!" my mom gushes as I descend that stairs the Tuesday night. "You're going to break the hearts of all these Forks girls, you college stud you."
"Mom, please," I say, embarrassed at her attention. Tonight, Alice has me in dark jeans and a black button up. She won't let me wear one of my usual sweaters and I'm cranky about it. Alice calls me a stuffy old man, but really I just like to be comfortable. And warm.
"Though I wish you would figure out how to tame this hair," Esme muses, pulling on the ends. "Cut it maybe."
"No. Absolutely not." Bella likes my hair, there is no way I am changing it. Esme looks amused at my outburst, and I wonder if she knows about my crush on Bella.
"Leave him alone, Esme," my dad says, emerging from the kitchen with a smile. "You're hovering."
"Carlisle, all of my children are home for the holiday. This house has been too quiet for months. I'm allowed to hover." Esme slips under his arm with misty eyes.
"WHO IS READY TO PAR-TAY!" Emmett bellows as he barrels down the stairs, joining us in the front parlor.
Esme, Carlisle, and I all roll our eyes at him.
Tonight Mike Newton, Emmett's best friend from high school, is throwing a reunion get together for Forks High alums. I have zero desire to see anyone from high school, but there really is nothing to do in Forks and break is already painfully boring. Plus, Bella has agreed to come, and I jump at any chance to spend time with her.
At school, Bella limits our contact to academia. She lets me walk her to class, and occasionally joins me for breakfast before bio. Sometimes we study in the common room and the library, but never does she let me see her outside of school related activities.
There has been a marked change in our relationship since her mild airport freak out. She let me in, ever so slightly. I know that she doesn't want to be in Forks, doesn't want to spend any time with the man who is basically a stranger, despite the DNA she shares with him. As a result, she has spent a large amount of time at our house.
It's magnificent.
Alice has Bella locked away in her girl lair/bedroom for the majority of the afternoon after Bella finally agreed to subject herself to a makeover. We wait for the girls to emerge before going to the party.
"Emmett. This is Forks. I don't get why you are so gung-ho about seeing people from high school," I grumble.
"Hey man. I was the fucking king of Forks High not some sort of social outcast like you. The people love me, and I love the people," he continues to boom, raising his fists above his head in triumph.
Part of me is nervous about Bella seeing me as the giant dork with no real friends I was in high school, but she really pretty much already knows that so I try not to stress too much.
"Emmett," Mom says, smacking his bulging bicep. "Language!"
"Sorry, Ma. Must have lost my filter when I was away at school."
Alice and Bella appear on the top of the stairs, arguing as they approach.
Sounds ceased to make sense to me. Bella's beauty, which thoroughly stuns me on a standard day, is amped up tonight, and it's ripping my chest wide open. Her hair curls around her head in riot of waves. I love her hair and she rarely leaves it completely down. She is dressed in a deep red dress that clings to every curve. Her shoulders are bare, and I want to kiss the spot where they meet her neck as I run my fingers through her hair. Pewter bangles clang on her wrist, and her ring-encrusted fingers clutch a black sweater. The dress stops high on her thigh, revealing her legs that I admire so much. On her feet is a worn pair of converse sneakers.
My eyes probably bugle out of my head, and I surely look like the love stuck idiot I am. As difficult as it is, I force myself to tune back in to the real world as Bella approaches.
"I don't care if they make the outfit, Alice, I'm not wearing those death traps!" exclaims Bella.
"But Bella. You will look so hot!" Alice stomps her foot, huffing in frustration.
"She already looks fine," I snap in irritation before I can stop myself. The males of rainy little Forks are going to flip out at the sight of my exotic little vixen, and that will not do. "Put on the sweater why don't you?"
I sound pretty damn mean, and everyone looks at me like I've lost my mind. Which is probably the truth. Bella dives me to insanity.
"Edward! What has gotten into you?" Esme admonishes. She is shocked by my behavior because I'm the only child that lives up to her high standards of politeness and manners. "She looks lovely."
"Thank you, Esme," Bella says quietly, glaring at me intensely. Her hands shake with her rage, and I know that if we were not in the company of my parents, she would chuck the sweater at me, screaming that I can't tell her what to do.
"Yeah thanks, Mom. But don't you think she would look better in the heels I have for her?" Alice insists.
"Just drop it, pip-squeak," Emmett says, rustling Alice's hair as she screams in fury. "Let's get this show on the road."
"Ok, Ok, everyone calm down," Carlisle says, snagging Alice's elbow to keep her from launching her little fists at Emmett. "Ground rules. No drinking and driving, don't be too loud when you come home, don't do anything stupid, and call if you need us."
With that we are out the door, getting into Alice's little yellow Porsche. She is the DD for the evening, claiming that she is to depressed to drink with Jasper so far away.
I spend the short car ride trying to make eye contact with Bella to apologize, but she just glares out her window, tapping her foot in irritation. She violently shoves her arms into her long, black cardigan when the outside cold hits her as we arrive at Mike's. I'm sure she would love to ditch the thing to spite me, but ultimately she hates the cold more then she hates me at the moment.
We all tromp up the porch to the sounds of heavy bass pulsating through the Newton house. Suddenly, I am crazy anxious. Though it is true that I was a bit of a social outcast, I wasn't tormented in high school, mostly just ignored. Which is the way I liked it. High school wasn't horrible for me, but that didn't mean that I'm in a rush to see the people I went to school with.
I briefly dated the extremely popular Tanya towards the end of senior year, causing quite the stir on the social scene. It was awful and made me thankful that I was such a loner.
Thanks to Alice's Edward-needs-a-new-look-for-college makeover campaign, I don't look like I looked in high school. My hair is shorter, I wear contacts instead of glasses, and my clothes are apparently stylish. Or slightly less nerdy, I suppose.
Gosh darn it. Tanya is probably in that house. I'm going to get fawned over, and I hate being in the spotlight.
The moment we step through the threshold, Mike and a bunch of other meatheads accost Emmett, Alice squeaks as she sees a familiar face, taking off in the opposite direction of the dumb jocks, leaving Bella and I alone, loitering near the door.
"So, this is how they throw down in Forks, huh?" Bella says, crossing her arms over her chest and surveying the crowd. There is probably about 30 people standing around in the kitchen and living room, chatting in groups and clutching red cups. It seems like a pretty standard party to me, though everyone is staring at us avidly. Bella is a stranger, something incredibly rare in Forks, and I am all spiffed out now so the pair of us is causing quite the stir. I don't like all the male eyes ogling Bella, so I move closer to her, carefully draping an arm around her slender shoulders.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing, Cullen?" Bella says, jerking away and shoving me backwards roughly. Shamefully, the feel of her hands on my chest excites me endlessly. "You don't get to touch these cardigan covered shoulders, cocksucker."
"Bellaaa…"
"Don't you fucking Bella me," she scolds, shaking a finger in my face. "Someone in this lame ass house better have some weed," she mumbles to herself as she stomps away, leaving me all alone to endure the stares of my former classmates.
Sighing, I squeeze my eyes shut, pinch the bridge of my nose, and try to not freak out.
"Edward, hey man. How's it going?" I glance up, pleased to see Eric Yorkie, one of the few people from Forks I actually consider to be a friend.
"Eric! It is good to see you," I reply, firmly shaking his hand and actually meaning it.
"Ditto. You look like you need a drink," he chuckles.
"Eric, you read my mind.
3 beers, 2 shots of tequila, and a glass of something called Jungle Juice containing an undetermined amount of alcohol later, and I am staring at Bella across the kitchen, flirting away with Mike Newton.
This is a side of Bella I have never seen before. She is giggling, touching his arm, and flipping her hair. It's the fakest bullshit I have even seen, and for the first time since meeting Bella, I am actually really pissed at her.
I know she has some messed up past. I know that she has a hard time trusting people. I know that she is closed off, smokes too much pot, and has slept with too many boys.
But never before have I seen Bella lose herself like this. She prides herself on being real, being Bella no matter what anyone thinks. And this girly, flirty, all over Mike fucking Newton shit she is pulling has me downright incensed.
I lean back on the kitchen counter as people chat around me. Ignoring them, I stare intently at Bella as I suck down whatever Alice's friend Jessica pours in my cup. She is fawning over me, but I just ignore her like as I do everyone else.
Slowly and sensuously, Bella peels off that motherfucking cardigan. She glances up at me from underneath her eyelashes, and I realize exactly what she is doing. For one, harmless comment, Bella is purposely torturing me.
Mike pours another round of shots, and Bella downs two in quick succession as the males around her cheer.
You'd think they'd never see a female drink whiskey before. Idiots.
I finish my drink in response, handing it to Jessica for a refill.
"Wow, Edward! Look at you, drinking with the common folk. Who knew you were this cool?" she says, putting a hand on my shoulder. "College has changed you."
I don't even feel the contact.
I do notice that Bella notices said contact.
Eyes narrowing at me, she presses up against Newton, whispering something in his ear. He nods enthusiastically, grabbing her hand and pulling her out the sliding door to the back porch. At least she puts her sweater on as she went.
"Good God. You two are so ridiculous," Alice says from my side, shaking her head at me. "Are you going to go out there after them or what?"
Needing no more encouragement then that, I begin the arduous process of picking my way through the crowded kitchen. People attempt to stop me to talk, but I continue to ignore them, focused solely on the door.
Visions of the horrible things happening on the other side of that door bombarded my brain.
Sliding it open is rather anti climatic, thank God, because when I step outside Bella is sitting on the railing, a joint in her hand, glaring down at Mike Newton.
"Listen, fart muncher, I don't know what possibly gave you the impression that you're allowed to touch my legs, but you need to step the fuck off," she says in her dangerous, I am going to punch you voice. "I am not that drunk."
God, I hope she punches him.
Mike doesn't reply, he simply thrusts his cup at Bella. She shrugs, guzzles the liquid in one gulp, tosses the empty container over her shoulder, and takes another long drag of the joint as she closes her eyes.
"Drunk enough now?" Mike asks, sounding hopeful.
Bella laughs like a lunatic, Mike approaches her, and I can't stay impassive any longer. With a rough shove to his shoulder, I insert myself between the two.
"There's not enough alcohol in the world, Newton," I say, seething.
"What the fuck, Cullen? Who even invited you, nerd breath? Get the fuck out of my house," he replies, smirking and yelling at me simultaneously.
I try not to be intimidated and channel new college Edward, not old quiet high school Edward.
"Fuck you, Newton, leave her alone," I say, puffing up my chest and glaring at him. I'm taller, and I really enjoy looking down at him.
He opens his mouth to say something, but Bella interrupts our little pissing contest.
"Whoa there, pard-ner," Bella says with a ridiculous cowboy accent. She wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards her spot on the rail while kicking Mike back with her foot. "Nerd breath? Really? That insult is an insult to insults. Run along now, sperm breath," she amends, "your services are no longer required."
Mike's face contorts in rage before he storms away.
"Thanks for the shity dank, you cheap ass son of a bitch," Bella yells as he slams the door.
I am suddenly very aware that Bella's arms are wrapped around my neck, and her chest is pressed up against my back. Her legs dangle at either side of my waist, and I have not been this close to her since our first meeting.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I slur through my teeth. My lips are having a hard time forming words.
"I don't like people talking like that," Bella says, pulling me tighter to her chest. I close my eyes and bite my tongue to keep from groaning at the shivers racing over my skin. "Bullshit small time asshole dick brains, call you nerd breath. He is nerd breath."
"You didn't seem to mind, earlier," I say, feeling loopy as Bella's hands travel over my chest, lingering on my nipples.
"I was mad at you," she says, stilling her movements. "I am still mad at you." Each of her limbs fall away, and my body aches in protest. I turn around, glaring at her, grabbing the railing on either side of her butt to steady myself.
"That's stupid," I say.
"You're stupid. Telling me what to do. And you looked at me like I'm ugly," she pouts with her lip between her teeth.
I giggle like a wee little child at the thought. Bella. Ugly. Funny.
"You're sooo wrong," I say, resting my head against her chest, and closing my eyes. I sigh as Bella's fingers thread through my hair.
"You think I'm pretty?" she whispers, her legs winding around her waist again.
"I think you're beautiful," I murmur as I wrap my arms around her waist. She chuckles, and I plant a kiss at the base of her throat, causing her to shutter slightly in my arms. "I think you're sexy." I kiss the place where her shoulder meets her neck. "I think you're fascinating." I kiss the spot right under her ear.
"Where the hell did you learn how to do that? Goddamn you, Edward Cullen. You're dangerous."
I lift my head, wanting to get lost in her big brown eyes. It's not hard to do.
"Naw," I scoff, oddly flattered. Dangerous is not an adjective ever used to describe me before. Ever.
Bella takes another toke on her still smoking joint before putting it out on the deck rail beside us. She shuffles her hips forward, attempting to leap down, but the move only serves to bring her in close proximity to my throbbing crotch.
I'm feeling bold, flying high on the rush of telling off Mike Newton, kissing Bella's chest, and drinking too much. Without any forethought, I grab her hips and bring my lips to hers.
She responds immediately as the shivers consume us both.
Bella kisses me with a wild abandon, easily coaxing a similar response from me. She slants her warm mouth against mine. Her tongue traces my bottom lip, and I open my mouth to really taste her. I groan when her arms pull me closer. My heart is exploding in me chest and I never, never have experienced something so all consuming.
Bella's perfect lips leave mine to travel to my neck, making a quick pit stop at my ear, and she has me growing painfully hard.
"Bella," I moan, palming her breast, weighing them in my palm. I have dreamed of this moment for months and I wanted to touch ever thing. Right away. Holy crap, I'm touching Bella's boob.
But suddenly Bella stops, and all of her warmth is gone. She pushes me away and slips under my arm, stumbling towards the house.
"Oh no. No, no, no, nooooooo way," she mutters to herself as I follow close behind.
"What? Bella? What just happened? Where are you going?"
Maybe I'm not a good kisser. Maybe she doesn't feel everything I feel. Maybe she doesn't enjoy it.
"Away from you," she says, stumbling both over her words and her feet.
"Bella! Shit. Wait. Will you just talk to me please?"
"Noooooope." She struggles with the door handle, shaking as she tried to pry it open.
I'm learning that when Bella is trying (and failing) to keep in her emotions, her hands shake.
"Why not? Will you please stop running away from me?"
"Just leave me alone, Edward!" she yells.
"Really? Bella, really? We're back to that. I thought you liked me!" I squeak like a little girl.
"I do, you motherfucking moron. That's the whole problem." Her voice contains a sob, and her shoulders quiver. "I can't… You don't… I feel…"
She takes a huge, calming breath, and the shutters ceased.
"Just leave me the hell alone, Cullen." She pulls the door open, and steps through the threshold on unsteady feet. I follow her in a daze, struggling to comprehend what just happened.
I go from the elation of kissing Bella to the nausea of seeing her walk away. It's unsettling.
There's no time for me to recover because the second I slide the door closed behind me, I'm ambushed by a blur of strawberry blond hair. Sharp nails latch on to my arm.
"There is my Eddie boy! Where have you been, sugar?" she coos, laying her head against my shoulder.
My eyes snap to Bella who has her punching face on again.
"Come on, let's get you a drink and we can catch up. I want to hear everything about that cow poke town you live in now," Tanya links her arm with mine and leads me to the kitchen, forcing me to turn away from Bella.
Twenty minutes and at least two more drinks later, I sit on the couch next to Tanya, listening to my former girlfriend hold court among the Forksians still left at the party. She is always the queen bee.
I was so shocked by her pursueal of me in high school, that I turned a blind eye to her many negative qualities. How could Edward Cullen say no to Tanya Denali? She used to call me her diamond in the ruff, her dorky little treasure. I was arm candy for her, and she never bothered to get to know me.
What a bitch.
"So, Edward," she says, turning to me. Tanya puts an arm around my shoulder and places a hand on my chest. I blink at her, having a hard time focusing on anything. "Are you dating any of those cowgirls in the Wild West? Does the Stetson get in the way? Do they even shave?"
Bella huffs angrily from across the coffee table in an armchair she shares with a bored looking Alice.
"Did you say something, stranger?" Tanya says with distain. I take advantage of her distraction, and shimmed away from her. "Who are you anyway?"
"Bella Swan, the resident cowgirl," she drawls in reply. "Yeeee-haw."
"Really? You are from Colorado? How rustic." I don't understand why Tanya is being so snobbish towards Bella. We are from Forks, a freaking logging town, not some fancy city. "Tell me, do you ride your horse home? Where are your cowboy boots?"
"Oh you know, left um in the barn," Bella says, her southern accent getting sloppy as she glares at Tanya. "Wouldn't want to sully up those boxes on wheels that get yah from one place to another out here."
I think she is talking about cars, but I can't be sure. Why do people drink? It makes me stupid.
"Who are you exactly?" Tanya asks again, glaring right back.
Bella rises and wobbles over to where we sit. She towers above us, and places a hand on my shoulder. I drunkenly grin at her, faintly registering that this is the beginnings of a girl fight breaking out. And it might be over me.
"I'm Bella Swan, you cunt faced city slicker. Now back the fuck off before I stick a cattle-wangling paw down your cock sucking throat." Tanya looks horrified, and a chuckle escapes my lips, causing Bella's gaze to turn to me. "Come on Edward, let's blow this dude ranch."
I trip in my haste to follow her, not even noticing that Bella doesn't stop until we reach the damp street.
With quaking hands, Bella fumbles to light a cigarette. But she's shaking too badly and it's too windy, so she eventually throws it down unsmoked.
"Who in the mother fuck is that, Edward?" she demands, shoving me roughly when I got too close.
"M'ex," I respond, really wanting to touch her.
"You have an ex? I thought you were like, dating retarded or something." This statement should offend me, but I'm too drunk to really care.
"Not totally. Hey, you are jealous!" I giggle in my excitement when I figure out why she is so pissed. Maybe she really does like me.
"Ha. That's a reaaaallll interesting theory, Cullen." She tries to stomp off, but I grab her elbow, almost toppling us both.
"You like me!"
"No I don't! You fucking annoy the fuck out of me."
"False! I bet you would freak out if I went back in there to Tanya. You would totally freak out."
"You are sooooo irritating!"
"You are so irritating!"
I'm not totally sure how we end up in the very small back seat of Alice's Porsche after that. The memories are hazy.
I love the feel of Bella straddling my lap, of her warm, smooth skin underneath my hands. She peels off her fucking black sweater and pops the buttons of my shirt.
"God, Edward. Where did you get a body like this, living in the fucking library," she mutters as her hands traced down my stomach to rest at the fly on my pants.
"Emmett," I reply, feeling like an idiot for bringing up my brother at such a time. She palms my hard-to-the –point-of-pain cock, and my hips lift off the car seat. Somewhere along the line, her dress is unzipped and pulled down to her waist, reveling her truly spectacular tits in a black strapless bra. I like the way my hands look on them.
I'm really drunk and having a hard time not freaking out. It's overwhelming, being with Bella like this.
"Bella I don't… I have never really… I don't know what I am—" Her tongue in my mouth cuts off my nonsensical rambling, which is good because I have no idea what I'm trying to express. It's an attempt to communicate my insecurity and how unsure I am with her like this.
"Shush, baby. You're doing just fine." She grins down on me, and I let my head fall back against the seat, moaning as I tried to calm down. The world is spinning.
What does it mean? Does she like me? I have a feeling that this does not mean that she wants to be my girlfriend. I don't think I'm capable of having casual sex with Bella.
"God. Bella. You feel… I feel…"
Bella stops her movements at the borderline panic in my tone.
"Oh shit. Look at you looking at me. Stop that. Edward, I don't do relationships. I don't do boyfriends…. I just cannot handle… I don't do boyfriends so you have to stop looking at me like that."
I just kept staring because she is just so beautiful, and I love her so much. I really do, as much as neither of us wants me too.
Bella lets out a little wail and collapses with her face in my neck.
"I can't Edward. I can't, I can't, I can't." She chants, rocking back and forth and really alarming me.
I hug her to me and make soothing noises, trying to get her to calm. Her distress is sobering. After a few moments, she relaxes against me and falls silent. Gently, I zip her dress back up, not wanting her to feel awkward or embarrassed. I try to pull away, thinking that my presence is not helping, but all four of her limbs tighten around me in protest.
"Don't. Not yet. Just hold me for a few more minutes," she murmurs sleepily, her lips tickling the sensitive skin of my neck. My heart soars at her words, and I do as she says, pulling her sweater back over her shoulders to keep her from getting cold.
I sigh, utterly and totally content with her in my arms. Her soft hair curls around my fingers, I close my eyes, and I breathe her in.
"I'm not doing the sex with you," she says eventually. I smile because she is cute when she is drunk.
"I am not doing the sex with you either." My arms tighten around her, and I try not to think about exactly how much I want to do the sex.
"Don't let me go, ok?"
"Ok."
Bella and I doze peacefully for a bit before Alice appears, supporting a nearly comatose Emmett on her tiny yet surprisingly strong shoulders. She unceremoniously dumps our brother in the front seat, her scowl softening when she sees Bella and I snuggled up in the back.
"If you weren't so cute right now I would kill you for deserting me with this drunk asshole and those drunk assholes." She gestures wildly towards Emmett and then towards the house. "I was really hoping Bella would bitch slap Tanya. Please do not vomit on my fancy leather seats."
When we arrive home, I struggle to navigate my way out of the car with a mostly asleep Bella still in my arms. She is supposed to have a sleep over with Alice, but I strongly hope that I could convince her to stay with me.
I already know that I loved sleeping with her.
"Here, Edward," Alice says as I pull Bella to her feet. She leans heavily on my side and doesn't open her eyes. "Trade me Emmett for Bella."
I want to do no such thing, but Alice is fruitlessly tugging on Emmett's arm. He doesn't move and babbles a weak protect. I attempt to do as my twin suggests, but Bella is not having that. She clings to my side, and I grin in pleasure. She likes me.
"You two are fucking ridiculous." Alice throws her arms up in frustration and runs into the house.
Still quite drunk, I don't know what to do so I just stand there swaying with Bella wrapped around me.
Alice reappears a moment later with an armful of blankets. With quick, efficient movements, she shoves Emmett all the way back into the vehicle, reclines his seat, tucks the blankets around him, kisses his forehead, and slams the door before turning back to Bella and I.
"Ok. The behemoth is taken care of. Now you two better keep a fucking lid on it. Mom and Dad are asleep," Alice says as she herds us into the house. We only trip four times, and at some point I am forced to put a hand over Bella's mouth to silence her giggles, but eventually we make it.
"I guess this is where I leave you," Alice whispers when we reached my bedroom door. "Both of you. Have a good night."
Alice disappears, and I am suddenly alone in my room with Bella. She staggers over to my bed flopping down on her back. I stare avidly, trying to burn the mental image into my brain.
She attempts to remove her sneakers using only her feat. Grumbling in frustration, she kicks around. I watch her struggle for a few minutes before I finally take pity on her and move to capture her feet in my hands. My fingers linger on her ankles as I toss her shoes to the floor.
I forgot to turn on the light when we entered, a mistake because I can't see her as clearly as I would like.
"Zipper now, Cullen," Bella says, flipping onto her stomach and gesturing to the back of her dress. Eyes bulging out of my skull, I quickly do as she instructs. I watch in enthrallment as Bella somehow manages to flop around until the dress is gone. It's reminiscent of a fish, but still obscenely endearing. "No sexing. Just sleeping."
She crawls up my bed on all fours before snatching back the covers and flopping down on the pillows. Though she appears instantly asleep, her little hand sneaks out from underneath the covers, patting the bed next to her.
I strip to my boxers in about 4 seconds and wonder how the hell I am going to fall asleep when I am this turned on, but I don't hesitate in joining Bella. I pull her into my arms, her head on my shoulder and a hand on my chest. I close my eyes and breathe her in.
I'm asleep in a matter of moments.
I wake up alone.
Despite all the alcohol I ingested the previous night I remember everything.
Bella, all over Mike Newton.
Bella, and our very first kiss.
Bella, scowling down at Tanya in jealousy.
Bella, upset because she likes me.
Bella, falling asleep in my arms.
I should have expected her to ditch me at the first sign of daylight.
Sitting up in my bed, I vigorously rub my hands over my eyes in an attempt to clear my sleep fogged brain. I groan as I open them, glaring at the offending sunshine streaming through the window. Of course the one day it's sunny in Forks is the one day my hangover demands cloud cover.
Just because I'm not surprised to find her gone, doesn't mean that I am any less hurt. Her departure leaves me feeling used and unworthy at the same time.
But then my bathroom door opens and out walks a fully dressed Isabella Swan. Her face is scrubbed free of make up, and her hair is pulled up into a messy bun. She smiles slightly when she sees me up and walks across the room to sit at the end of my bed.
"Hey," she says quietly.
"Hey," I manage to croak out. "You're still here."
"Yeah. I woke up a while ago and was going to leave… but then I just couldn't," she replies, playing with the hem of her dress.
"Why not?" Leaving seems like something Bella is very good at.
"Well, I knew it would make you sad and you just looked so… peaceful I didn't want to do that to you. It is the holidays after all," she answers, tucking both her legs underneath her as she turns to face me.
"Thanks for your, uh… consideration… I guess," I stutter, cursing my self for being so damn awkward. Bella bites her lip, and I can tell that she feels just as uncomfortable as I do.
"And also. I think we should talk."
Her words have nausea rolling in my stomach. My experience with relationships is limited, but I know talking like this is never a good thing. I want so desperately for Bella to trust me. For Bella to be my girlfriend. In the beginning, she made it clear that she has zero interest in dating me. Now, she is the queen of mixed messages, and I have no idea what she is thinking. Probably nothing good.
"Okay. About last night?" I clarify.
"Yeah, Edward, about last night. I want to say I'm sorry." That doesn't bode well for my aspirations to make Bella mine. "I should never have let any of that happen. I was just really drunk and out of control."
I nod and can't meet her eyes. I hate that she is sorry. It's one of the best nights of my life, even if we only kissed, and she is sorry.
"It won't happen again, Edward. It can't happen again. I know that when we first met, you had a little crush on me and all that, but I don't want or need any boy complicating my life. I'm not wired that way, okay?"
Again, I just nodded.
"I do… I am… What I'm trying to say is…" Bella takes a deep, shuttering breath, closing her eyes to calm herself before continuing. I get the feeling that she is having a very hard time. "I really don't want to lead you on, but at the same time I really don't mind being around you and shit. Usually I really fucking don't like people, but you're different."
I smile a bit at her bumbling. She is so damn adorable.
"Bella. What are you saying?" I ask.
"Goddamn it, Cullen. You know what I mean. Don't make me fucking say it," she says, glaring at me.
I lean forward, bringing my face closer to hers.
"Say it," I demand. "Out loud."
"Urrrgggggg," she says, flopping backwards and covering her face with her hands. "You're my friend, okay?" I can make out what she is saying, though her words are muffled.
"What's that, Isabella? I can't really hear you," I tease.
She kicks her feet out, throwing a little tantrum and groaning into her hands as I laugh.
"YOU ARE MY FRIEND, YOU BIG FAT ASS FACE!" she yells with a final kick to my shin. Suddenly she sits up, looking at me with her eyebrows furrowed in distress. "That is, if you still, you know, want to be my friend?"
Bella looks so shy and unsure. It's so intriguing, watching her go from tough to vulnerable so quickly. And as badly as I want it to be more, so obsessed am I with Isabella Swan that I will be anything she wants me to be.
"Come here," I say, extending an arm to her. I cannot handle her big, sad eyes a moment longer. She shuffles across the bed, and I wrap my arms around her rib cage. Exhaling loudly, she relaxes into my body and hugs me back. "I'll always be your friend, Bella. Okay?"
"Okay," she replies, her voice hushed and hesitant.
Eventually the hug goes on too long to be appropriate for a couple of friends, and I let Bella pull away.
"So if we are officially friends now," I say only making fun of her a little bit, "that means we're going to start telling each other things."
"Okay," Bella says again, nodding her head once and looking determined. "Shoot. Tell me what you want to tell me."
"Oh no, Isabella," I chuckle. "I'm not doing any telling. I'm doing some asking."
Bella's face remains impassive except for a sole, raised eyebrow.
"Why haven't you seen your dad in so long?" I asks, really going for it. I expected her to punch me, glare at me, cuss me out, and storm off, but she doesn't do anything. The only visible sign that she hears me is that her second eyebrow joins her first, way up at her hairline.
We just sit there, staring at each other while I freak out that I have pushed her so far.
"Charlie… he didn't want me," Bella murmurs as she picks at the black polish perpetually coating her nails. Involuntarily, a growl of outrage and disbelief escapes my chest. I don't understand how someone could not want Bella. She is beautiful, funny, unique, and complicated. She moves me, and fascinates me. I want to spend every moment with her and literally cannot understand how her own father could not want her.
"Now how can that be?" I ask, keeping my voice soft and taking her hands in mine to stop the fidgeting. "Look at you."
"Edward…" she chides, reminding me that we are just friends.
"Sorry," I reply without meaning it. "What makes you say that?"
"It's a long story."
"Bella? Friends, remember?" It's slightly shameful. Bella is obviously guilty about getting my hopes up last night, and I am using that guilt to get a little insight into her inner workings. On the other hand, it's pretty damn pathetic that she has made me so happy by admitting simply that we were friends. I am her bitch.
"Fine!" she huffs. "My parents dated in high school, got pregnant with me at seventeen, tied the knot. Renee, my mom, she wasn't happy, and we left before my second birthday. We traveled a lot, so I rarely saw Charlie. We met up with him a couple of times when I is a little kid. We moved to Boulder when I was eleven and Charlie insisted on visiting a couple times. But when I see him, he doesn't talk to me. He doesn't know me at all and doesn't really seem to want too."
Bella takes another deep breath. She seems to be giving herself mental pep talk, and I rub my thumb over her knuckles.
"And… he didn't want me enough to save me from Renee."
"Your mom is that bad?" I ask.
"I don't want to talk about Renee, Edward. Not even with my friends, not even with you. " I don't push. For now. But I know I eventually will, just like I won't give up on a possible romantic future with Bella.
"Okay. But I think you should try with your dad," I say, wary that she is going to flip out and leave. "I know the chief and he, like his daughter, isn't very good at sharing his emotions." She rolls her eyes at me but stays silent. "Maybe just talk to the guy. It's going to be awkward and you shouldn't have to be the one to do it, but just talk to him. Get to know your dad. I'm sure he loves you and would love you even more if you talked."
"Really? You think so?" she asks. God, those eyes. I am terribly aware that I am shirtless, in bed, and holding Bella Swan's hand.
"Yes, Bella," I reply. "I think so."
She leaves my room shortly after that, awkwardly waving to my parents in the kitchen before disappearing out the front door. I grinned for the rest of the day, hopeful that our new found friendship will last when we got back to Boulder.
Thank you so much for reading.