Thank you all so very much for bearing with me. I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm feeling all unsure about it, so let me know what you think.
Also, I don't own nothin.
Also, much love to you reviewers out there! You're thoughts me so much to me.
December 22, 2010
"This can't keep happening," I murmur into Bella's hair in the morning. Of course I ended up in bed with Bella after a night barhopping with Emmett and Jasper. I should be more surprised, but I'm not.
Bella is obviously already up; I can tell by her breathing. It's slower, deeper when she is asleep.
"I know," she whispers back, kissing my palm that rests in front of her face. Once again, we wake up spooning.
"I don't know what to do," I confess, making no move to relinquish my hold on her. I'm tried. Bone weary of fighting - with her, for her, against the pull she has on me. I'm at a total loss.
"Me neither. It's like we're stuck in limbo." She traces patterns on my forearms, and I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation. "Unable to go back, uncertain how to move forward. I so desperately want to move forward with you, Edward."
I almost tell her I want to move forward with her as well, but I hold my tongue. Emotional Edward wants it so badly, to forgive all her sins and to take her back. But at the moment, logical Edward is winning. Logical Edward remembers the pain she caused, remembers how much of a struggle it is for years to love someone who didn't even love themselves.
So I remain silent. I truly have nothing to say. I'm not even used to her being back yet, and I'm terrified that she'll disappear the moment I get acclimated to her presence.
"You said you love me." Bella voice is so quiet, I only realize she actually speaks because I feel her lips move on my skin. I wish I could see her face, but there will be no clues there as to what she's thinking. Bella has always been a complete mystery to me.
Also, I wish I hadn't fucking told her that last night. Had I no dignity?
"My love has never been in question," I reply.
"So you still love me then? After all this time?"
Her voice is so hopeful I feel terrible about pulling away, but I do it, because talking about love with Bella is just too painful. She whimpers pathetically as I sit away from her against the headboard, viciously pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes shut.
"Does it even matter?" I reply tersely without even opening my eyes. I hear Bella furiously shuffling around in the bed.
"IT'S ALL THAT FUCKING MATTERS!" she exclaims, startling my eyes open. Her face is beet red, her eyes shine, and her jaw is clenched in her rage. She has turnedto face me and sits cross-legged across from me. A sheet is wrapped around her naked torso and our knees touch. I don't recall getting Bella's shirt off, but at least we didn't have sex. Bella sputters incomprehensibly for a moment before taking a huge breath to steady herself. "Have you really changed that much in two years? I don't recognize this dark, cynical person you are now. Saying that love isn't important."
"Dark and cynical? Yeah, that tends to happen when the love of your life vanishes!" I yell right back. I can't fathom the audacity of Bella. She isn't allowed to be mad at me for changing. It's her fault I'm like this anyway.
With my words, all the fight goes out of Bella, and she collapses forward with a frustrated wail. Her naked back is completely exposed, and I stare avidly at her lower back dimples as I struggle against my body's natural response to her.
"I've told you, a thousand times, that I should never have done that. I should never have left. Especially without talking with you about it." She sits up abruptly, the fire back in her eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest, preventing her sheet from falling. Unfortunately. "But I can't bring myself to regret it totally, Edward. I really figured some stuff out."
I look at her skeptically.
"Really! I'm better now. I know I'm not forever broken. I see a shrink every week." This is all well and good, especially the therapist bit, but I'm still not convinced that she has really changed.
"How many men have you fucked in the last two years?" I demand, even though I really don't want to know. The number is bound to be in the hundreds.
"Really?" Bella looks both terrified and livid at the same time. She grabs my discarded long-sleeved tee, yanking it over her head. I love her in my clothes, damn it. "I mean, fucking really? That's the first question you have? I'm trying to bear my goddamned soul to you, and that's the first question you ask?"
"Yes. It's important." With arms crossed over my chest, I lean back against the headboard and steady myself for a number that is sure to slay me all over again.
She sighs heavily, looking to the ceiling and shaking her head.
"In the last two years? Three," she whispers finally, thoroughly shocking me. My mouth drops, and I just stare at her for a second. Although three is a much lower number than I anticipated, it still drives me insane with jealousy. I fear I might vomit.
"Who were they?" I ask quietly, unable to even look at Isabella in my clothing.
"Edward…" Her voice is desperate and needy, but I shy away from her touch.
"I want to know," I insist. Still she doesn't answer for an excruciatingly long moment.
"One I picked up in a bar. The usual story. I was wasted. It was in a dirty bathroom. I hated myself afterward and missed you so much I thought I was going to fucking die. And the other…" she trails off, looking guilty. "Well, you're the third of course."
"Bella," I say through clenched teeth, because I know what's coming. "It was him, wasn't it?"
A tear rolls down her flaming cheek, and my heart breaks all over again. I didn't think it is possible to feel this miserable. Even though I know she is about to confirm my deepest fears, I'm not ready for her answer.
"Yes, Edward." I'm out of bed and slamming the bathroom door behind me the moment the words leave her lips. I place my hands on the counter and lean over, breathing heavily.
My limbs shake with rage.
Bella is the shaker in this relationship.
And in that moment, I am so furious with her, so hurt, that for the first time since meeting her, I legitimately don't want to see her. Maybe ever again.
But of course, a second later the door opens and Bella enters, timidly approaching me. She reaches a tentative hand towards my back, and I jerk away.
"Don't fucking touch me—"
"Edward—" she interrupts.
"I fucking mean it. Get the fuck out," I interrupt right back. I'm yelling at her now, and I can tell that I'm scaring her. I'm not a screamer. This is totally out of character, and I am alarming us both.
"Edward," she tries again, really crying now. I'm still not used to seeing her cry, but her tears do nothing to quell my rage.
"DON'T TOUCH ME," I bellow, whipping around and glaring at her. Bella retreats, slamming her back against the door. I take a deep breath as my hands fist in my hair. "Please," I say, turning away from her. "Just go, Isabella."
I don't know if I'm relieved or upset when I hear the door quietly shut. I do know that I feel the loss of her departure acutely.
May 13, 2005
After my last final at the end of freshman year, I follow the sounds of bad pop music to my big twin's dorm room. It resonates all the way in the common room, and part of me is scared of what I will find.
It's our last night in the dorms. We have until tomorrow evening to move out, and then tomorrow night Alice and I will take a plane back to Forks for the summer. Emmett's lease doesn't end till August, and he has a job at the rec center, so the lucky bastard won't be living at home this summer.
Though, like many, I'm feeling nostalgic about the move out, mostly I'm just depressed that I won't be in Boulder for the summer. It just went by so damn quickly.
And, if I'm being totally honest with myself, I have to admit that I am bummed to be leaving Bella. For the last few months, there has scarcely been a day that we have been apart, and the thought of separation for several months is painful.
I push open the door to room 233 W and laugh out loud at the sight before me. A cyclone appears to have torn though the small room. Their stuff is everywhere, half in boxes, half randomly thrown around the room. I can't even see Bella's bed, and Alice's desk is equally buried.
The only clear space is the center of the room where Alice and Bella are dancing exuberantly to Fall Out Boy's latest whiny, unimpressive CD. I know it's not Bella's taste, so she must have been catering to my sister.
They are dressed equally bizarrely. Bella is in fishnets, tiny green athletic shorts, a white wife beater, her fake vampire teeth, and a furry hat with earflaps. Alice looks like a French maid with a pink-feathered boa and some sort of Scotland Yards police hat. Each has an open bottle of champagne that is doubling as a microphone.
"Alice!" Bella yells through her laughter, removing her fake teeth to talk. "I don't know the words to this crap!"
"Just listen, Bella!" my sister responds as she shimmies around Bella. "It's catchy as shit. Totally easy to pick up on."
I laugh as Bella attempts to sing along with Alice. She gets the chorus half right before she and Alice collide. They both go down, hard, and are unable to get up because they are tangled together and laughing too hard.
"What the fuck?" Jasper silently appears behind me, joining me in stunned observation.
At the sound of her boyfriend's voice, Alice's head pops up from the pile of limbs and feathers.
"Jasper!" she squeaks in delight, and in her rush to stand up, Bella takes an elbow to the chin.
"Watch it, you cock juggling thunder cunt!" Bella yells, her language only gets more colorful the more she drinks. "That fucking— Edward!"
She interrupts herself when she sees me and leaps up to greet me, just like Alice does with Jasper.
"You need a hat!" Bella declares, pulling me to her chaotic closet. "Everybody needs a hat. Hats all around!"
Bella pulls a floppy black beanie over my hair and throws a trucker hat with the Colorado flag on it to Jasper.
"Why?" Jasper asks with a smirk as he kicks off his boots in the doorway.
"Because we're packing," Bella says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. I pull her into a side hug as I laugh, because she is really just too cute.
"Yeah… I still don't get the hats," Jasper insists, putting the hat carefully on his head.
"Huh. Yeah. They don't really make sense," Bella says, furrowing her brow in concentration. "Alice, why are we wearing hats?"
"Well," Alice says, looking far more sure of herself than Bella. "We started packing, but it was boring and sad so we decided we needed to have celebratory drinks and costumes to make us happier. So we tried to dress up like maids, but that is kinda a failure. We thought the hats would make up for our lack of awesome in the outfit department. And now it's a hat party. So wear your damn hats!"
Jasper and I laugh some more at their drunkenness before we all settle down in a circle on the floor. It's decided that Jasper and I need to catch up, and a drinking game develops that is cleverly named "drink." Basically, Jasper and I have to take a shot whenever Alice and Bella demand we drink. It's ridiculous, and far too quickly, we put a significant dent in Bella's handle of whiskey and polish of several bottles of champagne.
"Favorite memory of freshman year," Alice says, getting all weepy and sad at the prospect of moving out.
"Our Thursday night dance party workouts," Bella says, grinning and crawling across our circle on the floor to throw her arms around my sister.
"Aw… sweetie!" Alice responds with a very girly squeak. They start talking girl way to fast, and I share an eye roll with Jasper.
"Okay, okay," Jasper says, pulling Alice back into his side. "Enough with the girly crap. We are supposed to be celebrating, not slobbering all over each other."
"DRINK!" Alice and Bella say in unison, laughing hysterically as Jasper and I groan. This is the most unfair game in the history of games.
There is a loud knock on the door, and the four of us freeze.
"God, we better not get busted on our last night in the dorms. Here, Bella, get in the closet, and take all this booze with you," Alice whispers, shifting into army commander mode.
"Why do I have to get in the closet?" Bella demands from her position in the closet, her arms laden with various bottles.
"Because you're obviously the drunkest," Alice says, before closing the doors, silently demanding that Jazz and I be quiet, and walking to the door. I'm going to suggest that Jazz remove the pink boa, but I decide not to mention anything because he looks too funny.
We all hold our breath as Alice opens the door, but instead of the polite greeting to an RA, Alice lets out a high-pitched squeal. That is happening a lot tonight. Alice reappears, dragging Ben and Angela behind her. Greetings are made, and I let Bella out of the closet.
"We brought provisions," says Angela as she sits between Bella and Ben. She sets a tray of colorful cupcakes in the center of the circle, and we all greedily snatch them up.
"And lubrications," says Ben, placing a bottle of tequila next to the cupcakes.
"You need hats!" says Bella, giving Angela a fedora and Ben a floppy cowboy hat.
"Why didn't I get the cowboy hat?" whines Jasper.
"Too predictable," Alice dismisses, cuddling into his side. "Everyone has to say their favorite memory."
"Honey," Jasper replies, nuzzling into Alice's neck and only making me slightly nauseous. "Every moment with you is my favorite memory."
"DRINK!" says Bella. "That shit was corny."
"What's yours, Edward?" my twin asks as I take my shot. I really think the game should be over now that Jazz and I are sufficiently hammered, but the lady folk do not agree.
"Oh you know," I say, smiling lazily at the beautiful girl beside me. "Hanging out in the library." I waggle my eyebrows so she knows just what I am talking about. Bella giggles and blushes, hiding her face in my chest as our friends look on in amusement.
"That's up there for me too," Bella whispers, her lips tickling my earlobe.
"You guys are weird," says Ben with a smirk. "Oh, what about Edward getting his face bashed in. Twice!"
"That's one of your best memories?" I ask as I laugh.
"Yeah, because it was you. Of all people to get in a fight."
The rest of the group murmurs their agreement, but Bella shakes her head violently.
"That is totally not funny, you cocksuckers," she says, looking upset. "Edward getting hurt is not funny."
"Aw… you guys are so cute," says Alice, clasping her hands together and getting all swoony.
I grin, and Bella blushes.
"She doesn't want you to get hurt," Angela says, joining in Alice's girly moment.
"She likes me," I say with a shrug, wishing it were truer. I know Bella enjoys spending time with me and considers me to be one of her best friends, but I still want something more. Realistically, though, I don't have a lot of hope of that actually happening.
Bella laughs and punches me in the shoulder. I laugh and rest my head against her neck.
"Yeah, what's the deal?" asks Jasper, reclining back on his elbows. "Have you two fucked yet or what?"
Now I'm blushing, and Bella grins, shaking her head.
"You're an idiot, Jasper Whitlock. Mind your own fucking business," she replies good-naturedly.
"I'm just sayin'. The sexual tension drippin' off the pair of y'all is exhausting to the rest of us," he slurs.
"Getting kicked out off your room every ten seconds so you two can bone is exhausting," counters Bella, causing me to groan. "You two fuck like fucking bunnies."
"Bella. Please. My sister…" I plead with Bella to stop as I pinch my eyes shut and try to imagine anything else.
"Aw… Bella," Alice says, tears filling her eyes. "Never again will I kick you out of our room! Because we won't be roommates anymore."
They hug again as Alice cries and Bella talks in that high frequency that makes my inner ears tickle.
"Who's going to tuck me in when I accidentally pass out in the closet?" Bella asks.
"Who's going to remind me to eat while I'm working on my art?" Alice asks.
"Who's going to stay up till two in the morning talking about everything and nothing with me?" Bella asks.
"Who's going to dress up in ridiculous outfits and dance around to pop music instead of going to the gym with me on Thursday nights?" Alice asks.
"Alice. We'll still do our Thursday night dance workouts. Huzzah to the run and punch! DRINK!" Bella yells. At least this time Jazz and I aren't forced to drink alone, and everyone joins in.
"What did we just drink to?" asks Angela, looking confused.
"The run punch. It is an excellent dance move created by Bella. Burns a lot of calories, I think. We need a demonstration! Up, up, up, Bella," Alice answers.
Alice turns the music up, switching it to Britney Spears latest musical gem. Alice and Bella run around us in time to the beat, punching forward as they do so and giggling like lunatics. In a matter of moments, the rest of us get bored with the watching and we all rise to join them. The run punch is quickly abandoned, and everyone couples off, dancing together.
Somehow, Bella becomes pressed up against me, gyrating her hips with the music. I close my eyes, reveling in the sensations as Bella lights my skin ablaze. My hands travel down her sides, coming to rest at her hips as hers come around my neck to grab the hair at the back of my head.
"Fuck," she murmurs. "Do you have any idea what you do to me, Edward Cullen?"
"Yeah," I reply. "If it's anything at all like what you do to me."
She continues to grind into me as my hands slip under the fabric of her tank top at her lower back. My fingers trace those fuck-all sexy dimples right above her ass, and my pants become uncomfortably tight.
I open my eyes to look at her, only to notice that we are alone with Alice and Jasper who are practically having sex up against the wall in front of us. Shuddering at the sight, I pull Bella out of the room, flicking Jasper in the ear on our way.
Motherfucker doesn't even notice.
The moment we are in the hall, I push Bella up against a wall more violently than I would have under sober circumstances and hold her there with my hips.
"Bella," I groan into her neck. "I really want to kiss you."
"Then stop talkin' bout it and start doin' it," she replies, her arms wrapping around my rib cage.
Without further ado, I plunge my tongue into her warm mouth. I groan, both relieved that after all these months I am finally kissing Bella and frustrated that my cock isn't already buried inside of her. Despite my brief and awkward sexual encounter with Tanya, I am, for all intents and purposes, a virgin. Though I fear I will be a complete disappointment to the much more experienced Bella, I am too wound up to dwell on anything but the feel of her.
I grind myself into her somewhat shamelessly. In the back of mind, I realize that we are in a public hallway and it is pretty early in the evening, being as we started drinking at seven. But as my hand reaches up to squeeze her tit, I really don't even care who sees. Gasping, she throws her head back against the wall and rubs herself on my thigh. I can feel her heat even through all the layers of clothes separating us.
I'm on the verge of embarrassing myself and really need to get her behind closed doors.
"Come on," I say, pushing off the wall but keeping her close to my body. We stumble in the general direction of my dorm room. As we step through the always-crowded common room, I force myself to stop pawing at her chest, but I keep an arm firmly around her shoulders. One of her hands rests on my hip and the other on my stomach. She hums with pleasure as we walk through the common room and straight into Kate, of all people.
"Hi," I say, giving her an odd, arching wave.
"Edward," she says, nodding her head at me. "Bella. What are you two up two tonight?"
I giggle somewhat terrifyingly, and Bella blushes.
"Something is most certainly up," Bella whispers in my ear. Or she tries to whisper. I am pretty positive everyone within a five-foot radius hears her clearly. My laughter stops at her words as I look down at her with lust.
"Just celebrating… uh… something…" I mutter to Kate without taking my eyes off Bella. She is biting her lip, her cheeks are flushed, and there is longing in her big, brown eyes.
Bella pokes me in the ribs, signaling it is time to leave. "Goodbye, all!" I say loudly, waving to the people in the commons who I can't really see. Alcohol is messing with my vision. "Congrats! Finals are over!"
"Huzzah to summer!" Bella adds before we make it to the boys side to the thunderous applause of our peers. I practically sprint to my room, dragging Bella along with me.
The moment the door shuts behind me, I pull Bella close and kiss her again, tongues probing and teeth nipping. We topple over together, landing on my narrow bed in a tangle of limbs.
In a blur of activity that seems to happen too fast and too slow at the same time, Bella has us both stripped down to our underwear. It's a little disappointing, as I want to peel those fishnets off her legs and savor every moment I have with her, but she is mostly naked so I can hardly complain.
"Edward, you… ah…. You know this is just sex… ah…. right?" she says as she pants underneath me, and I kiss her neck while I fumble with the clasp of her bra.
"Yeah… yeah… sure… whatever," I huff out, conscious that I don't like what is coming out of her mouth but beyond caring at that point.
"I mean… SHIT!" I discard the bra and latch on to her pert, pink nipple. She arches her back and moans as I distract her momentarily from whatever she is trying to tell me. "If you're not still my friend after this, I'll fucking kick your ass," she hisses as I continue my hand and tongue movements on her chest.
"Fair enough," I mumble against her skin, still having an extremely difficult time focusing on her words.
I would have been content to just kiss her and fumble around her body indefinitely, but Bella has other plans. She pushes my boxers off with her feet and gets her hands around me. I almost lose it, right there.
All of a sudden, I'm panicking. My already erratic breathing becomes even more labored. I'm convinced that I'm going to be a complete disappointment to Bella. I have no idea what I am doing. She isn't going to enjoy it at all.
"Hey," she says quietly as her hands cradle my jaw. "Stay with me, Edward."
"I am… I just… I don't," I stutter through uneven breaths.
"Shush…" she says, looking at me right in the eye and soothingly stroking my face. "I want you, Edward. Do you want me, too?"
I nod, my eyes never leaving hers.
"Good," she says. "Panties now, Edward."
I do as she says, pulling her panties down her legs. I'm glad it's dark and I can't see much, because it's already very hard work not to blow my load on the spot. The sight of Bella completely naked beneath me is surely more than I could handle.
Supporting my weight on my elbows resting on either side of Bella's head, I struggle to calm down. But then her hands are wrapped around my cock, and she rubs me against her wet entrance. All reasonable thought vanishes from my brain as I finally give in to the all consuming urge thrust into her.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
So divine.
Bella's breath hitches, and I have to pause for a moment as I fight for control. But then she grabs my hips and rolls her pelvis, demanding that I move.
So I do.
I pump in and out of her somewhat erratically, fisting the sheets beneath me. Bella is moaning, and I take it as a good sign, but try to hold off as long as possible.
"Oh… Edward!" she cries out.
The sound of my name coming out of her pretty little mouth quickly drives me over the edge, and I come violently with a strangled gasp. I collapse on top of her, and she holds me as my whole body shudders.
"I'm sorry," I pant out into her neck when I regain functionality in my voice box.
"What for?" she asks, her voice low and raspy.
"You didn't… I couldn't…" I'm awkwardly babbling, but I can't bring myself to say that I failed to make her feel good.
"That's okay," she assures me, seeming to understand just what I'm trying to articulate despite the incomprehensible sounds coming out of my mouth. "It was your first time. I wasn't expecting you to last long."
"But it wasn't my first time… not really," I pout. I really want to make Bella feel good.
"What?" Bella demands, sitting up and forcing me to once again support my weight on my hands. The shift also brings our bodies closer together, and I try to look at her face, but her naked chest is distracting. "You fucked Kate?"
"What? No. I accidentallyhad sex with Tanya once but I was really drunk, and I don't really remember much," I admit, blushing. This is really not what I want to be talking about in that moment.
"Oh," Bella says in a small voice. "I wanted to be your first."
I have no idea what to make of that statement.
"Why? Maybe if I had a little more experience I could have fucking made you come," I growl, letting my frustration in my lack of sexual prowess color my tone.
I'm not sure who is more surprised by my words.
"Uhhh…" Bella groans out, wiggling her hips beneath me. "Fuck… Edward, say it again."
"Say what?" I ask, confused.
"Fuck," she moans.
"Fuck?"
"Fuck! It makes me so fucking hot when you talk like that," she pants, causing my dick to stir.
"Fuck," I continue cautiously, lowering my lips to tickle the shell of Bella's ear. "Shit. Motherfucker, cocksucker."
I can't tell if she is laughing or moaning, but I continue on, despite how uncomfortable I am.
"I love your… cunt," I whisper, the alcohol lingering in my system making me bold. "It feels so good wrapped around my dick. I've dreamed about it since I first met you. And that day in the library… fuck… your hot mouth on my dick was the most divine thing I ever felt until I got inside you… Bella, your pussy is heaven. I want to feel you come on my cock so bad."
I feel ridiculous with my attempt at dirty talk, but Bella sure seems to be enjoying it. She is moaning and writhing around.
"Holy fuck… Bella… are you?" Though it is dark, and I can't tell for sure, I'm pretty certain Bella is touching herself. Oh. God.
"Uh huh," she breathes out.
The confirmation goes straight to my cock, and just like that, I'm ready for round two.
"Bella? I would really like the opportunity to make you feel how you make me feel," I blather, annoyed that I can't find the right words to tell her I want to make love to her again.
She shocks the shit out of me, rolling me over, straddling my waist, and grinding down on to me in less than a second. Buried inside her in this very new position, I see stars.
"Okay, Edward," she says as she starts to move over me. "We're going to practice…ah… keep this up all damn night until you get it just right."
It doesn't take long for me to accomplish my mission. Several times, in fact.
In the morning I'm not surprised to wake alone. Horribly disappointed, but not surprised.
I don't let myself dwell on what it all meant. Nothing will change between Bella and I. Instead I focus on how completely relaxed my body feels. Rubbing my hands over my eyes, I sit up in bed, faintly aware of my nudity.
"'Bout time. I've been bored as shit and your coffee's gettin' cold."
Bella scares the hell out of me, and I almost tumble out of bed in my surprise. She is still in my room, dressed in my t-shirt and a pair of little red panties and sitting in a chair by my window, holding my copy of Catcher in the Rye in one hand a paper cup of coffee in the other. The sunlight streaming in through the window brings out all the red in her hair. She looks so perfect I have to fight the urge to rush over to her and kiss her. I don't think she would like that at all.
"Hi," I croak out, feeling awkward and not wanting to get out of bed naked.
"Don't you get all awkward on me, ginger," she snaps, her eyes narrowing at me. "You promised you would still be my friend. Don't think I don't remember. I wasn't that drunk."
I smile at Bella because her babbling is indicative of her nerves. Plus, she brings me coffee. I slip out of bed, clutching the sheet around my waist before padding over to Bella. Smirking up at me, she hands me my coffee as she takes a sip of her own cup. I lean against the windowsill and try to think of something to say.
"It's just coffee," she mumbles into her drink, looking out the window.
"Thank you," I reply.
"And last night was just sex."
I nod, having nothing to say that hadn't already been said.
"Really, really good just sex." Bella blushes and looks down at her lap, embarrassed at her words.
"Best I've ever had," I reply, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"It sure as fuck better be." Bella smiles momentarily but then goes back to staring blankly out the window. I have no idea what she is thinking, but I hope she doesn't regret anything. Tugging insistently on her hand, I haul her up and then sit in the chair before pulling her back into my lap.
"Edward…" she says, wary.
"Just shut up," I say, pushing her head to my shoulder and kissing her temple.
"Bagels are in that bag," Bella murmurs, finally relaxing against me. "I got you an onion one with sun-dried tomato cream cheese."
It's probably not a good sign that my pathetic heart soars. But it does. Bella bought me breakfast. It's sweet.
We eat in silence, just being. When our food is devoured, we continue to just sit. I run my hands over Bella thighs, dropping random kisses on her head. She snuggles into my neck and traces patterns on my stomach. It's both soothing and arousing, but eventually the sun rises even higher in the sky and Hallett Hall wakes up.
There is so much to do today. We have to pack up our lives. Bella hasn't even really started, and although I'm mostly done, it's going to take several trips to get everything to Emmett's where our stuff will stay in his basement till we move into the house on Goss in August. And Alice has a lot of stuff.
Sighing heavily, Bella rises from my lap.
"I've gotta go," she says, frowning slightly. "Packing to do."
"Yeah… me too," I reply, securing the sheet around my waist and moving closer to her. "Goodbye… for the summer… I guess."
"Wow. Yeah. You're leaving today," she murmurs.
"Yup." We stand there for two minutes, shuffling our feet awkwardly, neither of us knowing what to say. I huff in frustration. I was freaking inside her mere hours ago. This shouldn't be so strained.
Screw it.
Abruptly, I pull her to me and kiss her hard as I push my hands into her hair. Her lips part immediately, and she just tastes so good, I want to kiss her forever. But before things get carried away, I pull back. Bella looks at me with stunned eyes and still parted lips.
"Goodbye, Bella," I say, getting very emotional as I realize that I won't be seeing her until August. "I'll miss you."
"Yeah, yeah," she says, reaching for the door. "Don't get all mushy on me. Keep in touch!"
Well, that was that. What will happen next, I wonder. Any guesses? Let me know!