"Elissa," a voice said in the distance.
Elissa stirred and opened her eyes. She was looking at a dying fire. "Elissa time to get up," the voice said again.
Elissa sat up and looked around and reality came crashing in on her. It wasn't a dream. It was real. Duncan the Grey Warden was kneeling three feet from her going through his pack.
Elissa closed her eyes. Hours before when Elissa stumbled back to the camp Duncan had set up she didn't look at him. She positioned herself on the opposite side of the fire and laid down using her cloak as a blanket. She was grateful she had packed it along with other things. She closed her eyes and avoided Duncan. She didn't care if she was being rude or if he thought her grief came at a bad time.
She had hoped when she closed her eyes she'd wake up and find she was in Highever in her own bed.
"Go wash up," Duncan said breaking through her thoughts.
Elissa got up and made her way to the pond. She looked down at her hands and saw the blood on them. Her father's blood, new tears came to her eyes but she quickly pushed them back. A sob threatened to break from her chest but Elissa ground her teeth and looked up at the sky. She let out a growl and closed her eyes. How did one get through so much grief? How did one survive?
She undressed and waded into the pond, scrubbing the blood from her body. Her father's words were echoing in her head. She thought about the way her mother looked, determined to stay with her father. Elissa felt she had abandoned them. There had to be more that she could do. If there was nothing she could do then she should have stayed behind. She gave into her pain and regret and let her thoughts wander the dark road. Why couldn't she have died with them? Why was she spared? Why?
Lucky barked at her from the shore and he dove into the water. He broke her thoughts with the splash and she came back to herself. She finished cleaning the blood off washing away the pain.
After dressing back into her armor she sat on the shore beside Lucky. Braiding her long hair into a single braid down her back. She sighed and looked at her hound who was studying her with sad eyes. "We'll kill him Lucky, I promise."
He barked his approval. Elissa walked back to camp and faced Duncan. He handed her some meat that had been cooked.
"I'm not hungry," Elissa said.
"Eat, I don't know when we'll be able to stop again," Duncan pushed it on her.
"I said I'm not hungry," Elissa growled walking away from him.
"I don't care if you're not hungry Elissa. You need energy which means you need to eat. I won't have you slowing us down," Duncan said going after her.
Elissa whirled on him, "Oh excuse me!"
Duncan studied her, "Just take the meat you can hate me on a full stomach."
Elissa knew this argument was lost to her so she grabbed the meat without saying thank you. She could imagine her mother would scold her for her rudeness. At that moment though Elissa didn't care for manners.
They continued walking taking small breaks as they made their way through the Fereldan countryside. They rode with farmers and merchants when the offer presented itself but it wasn't often. She found herself wishing she had her mare Rosie with her to give her a break from walking. But Rosie was in Howe's hands now there was nothing she could do at the moment.
Elissa hardly said a word to Duncan. She glared and withdrew into herself where she stewed in her emotions of bitterness and grief, with a dash of hate. She didn't want to know this man who had basically stolen her life from her. She didn't want to know more about this Order that she was joining. She thought of one thing now, getting to Ostagar and finding her brother.
When they were about a day from Ostagar, Duncan approached her at camp. "Do you know what is going on in Ostagar?"
"What do you mean what's going on? The King brought his troops to help your Grey Wardens fight darkspawn what else is there to know?" Elissa snapped.
"We only have a few Grey Wardens in Fereldan. All of us are at Ostagar. If we do not break the horde at Ostagar it will travel north, if that happens Fereldan will fall," Duncan said. He studied Elissa over the fire. She didn't seem acknowledge that the darkspawn were a real threat. But he knew when she saw the monsters they fought she'd know the danger they were in. He hoped it was enough to push her past her grief.
Elissa stared into the fire trying to sort out his words. She loved Fereldan. She was a noble and that meant she belonged to the land and the people as much as they belonged to her. Her father had taught her that. The thought of anything threatening her home made her cringe but it was still overshadowed by her personal loss she had endured. She had lost everything, why should she care if the country fell. If Duncan thought she'd make a good recruit he was sorely mistaken. She had nothing left to offer anyone and had only one battle she ever wanted to fight again. Killing Howe. He would die for what he did.
They reached Ostagar before noon after days of traveling. Elissa's body hurt from all the walking. She wasn't used to it or sleeping in the dirt. When they got to Ostagar, Elissa stood stunned by the vast size of the ruin.
"Beautiful is it not?" Duncan asked. He was glad the girl had finally taken notice in something other than the road.
"Yes," Elissa nodded her mouth still hanging open. "What's that tower?"
"The Tower of Ishal," Duncan said.
"How in the maker's name is it still standing?" Elissa asked sounding awed.
"It is dwarven made I'm told," Duncan looked up.
"Impressive," Elissa said looking down the road to the camp. "Is that the King?"
Duncan looked where Elissa was and saw a man in golden armor making his way to them. "Yes it is."
Elissa had met the king when she was younger but she was sure he wouldn't remember her. But whether he remembered her or not he'd be told what happened to her family.
"Ho there, Duncan!" King Cailan smiled coming forward to meet Duncan.
"King Cailan, I didn't expect a…" Duncan started to say.
"A royal welcome?" Cailan laughed. "I was beginning to worry you'd miss all the fun!" Cailan smiled genuinely at Duncan.
Elissa studied both of them, she let one experience tarnish how she saw Duncan but Cailan seemed to genuinely like the man. Cailan she remembered her father saying tried to like everyone and get everyone to like him in return.
"Not if I could help it your majesty," Duncan smiled.
"Then I'll have the mighty Duncan at my side in battle after all! Glorious!" Cailan stood at attention.
Elissa wanted to inch away from them and run through the camp looking for Fergus. She wanted to see him to make sure he was all right. The thought of telling him about Oriana and Oren made her sick to her stomach though. The closer they had come to Ostagar the more she dreaded the news she bore.
"The other Wardens told me you've found a promising recruit. I take it this is she?" Cailan said.
Elissa looked up realizing Cailan was staring right at her and moving to stand in front of her. She shifted nervously under his gaze.
"Allow me to introduce you, your Majesty." Duncan began.
"There's no need Duncan," Cailan said as he recognized the girl who looked like she had been dragged through the void and back. "You are Bryce's daughter are you not? I believe we met once at my wedding but you were much younger."
"Yes your Majesty, my name is Elissa," Elissa said her voice just barely above a whisper.
"Your brother has already arrived with Highever's men, but we are still awaiting your father," Cailan said looking behind her as if he would see him riding up.
"Oh, you'll be waiting for some time your Majesty," Elissa found the anger returning. How did he not know what happened? How did all of Fereldan not know? They lost a great man, one of two teryns in all of Fereldan and no one knew.
"What do you mean? Has something happened?" Cailan looked shocked. He looked at Duncan. "Do you know something about this?"
Duncan opened his mouth to speak but Elissa beat him. "No Duncan, 'tis my news to share. My father and mother were killed when our castle was taken. Arl Howe betrayed us and attacked after my brother went south with all of our forces." Elissa crossed her arms bracing for something to happen.
Cailan looked shocked. He stepped away from Elissa and turned his back on everyone.
"What she says is true," Duncan said.
"I can scarcely believe it! How could he think he would get away with such treachery?" Cailan's shock was replaced with anger. "As soon as we are done here, I will turn my army north and bring Howe to justice. You have my word."
Elissa didn't know what all she could say to that. This was the King after all. "Thank you, your Majesty." She found her lips moving but it's not all she wanted to say. She wanted to scream and make them act sooner. She wanted vengeance now.
"No doubt you wish to see your brother." Cailan looked nervous at saying that. "Unfortunately, he and his men are scouting in the Wilds."
Elissa turned away at that news. She needed her brother but felt only relief to be told he was not there. "When will he return?"
"Not until after the battle I fear," Cailan said.
Elissa nodded, "I am not eager to tell him, your Majesty."
"Of that I have no doubt," Cailan said. He felt the urge to comfort the girl but didn't know how to do so without being awkward. "I apologize Elissa, but there is nothing more I can do. All I can suggest is that you vent your grief against the darkspawn for the time being."
Elissa closed her eyes. She wanted to scream but all her training told her to do so was wrong. Even having her back turned to the King right now was going against her very training as a noble.
Elissa forced herself to turn around and look Cailan in the eyes, "Thank you, your Majesty."
Cailan saw the tears on Elissa's cheeks and sighed. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I should return to my tent. Loghain waits eagerly to bore me with his strategies."
She knew the subject about her family was dismissed. He was the King and had other obligations to attend to. One noble woman's vengeance was the least of his worries. Elissa swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Your uncle sends his greetings and reminds you that Redcliffe forces could be here in less than a week," Duncan said taking the time to help change the subject.
"Ha, Eamon just wants in on the glory. We've won three battles against these monsters and tomorrow should be no different," Cailan laughed.
"You sound very confident of that, your Majesty," Elissa forced herself to say.
Cailan laughed, "Over confident some would say right Duncan?"
"Your Majesty, I'm not sure the Blight can be ended quite as…quickly as you might wish," Duncan sighed.
Elissa eyed him and saw that this was a subject matter he was having a hard time trying to convince Cailan of.
"I'm not even sure this is a true Blight. There are plenty of darkspawn on the field but alas, we've seen no sign of an archdemon." Cailan turned his back to look at the forests where the darkspawn would be coming from.
"Disappointed your Majesty?" Duncan asked.
Elissa raised her eyebrow that was a question she'd never ask Cailan. It was close to saying he was only there for the glory. Which of course he was but you shouldn't point it out to the man.
"I'd hoped for a war like in the tales!" Cailan said.
Elissa fought the urge to shake her head. Nothing was ever like the tales.
"A king riding with the fabled Grey Wardens against a tainted god! But I suppose this will have to do."
Elissa stared at Cailan as he turned around trying to figure out if she remembered how old he was. He was a few years older than her if she remembered right. He was a little younger than Fergus. Did he not realize this was war not a game? She respected the man but she couldn't help thinking 'Dear maker protect us.'
"I must go before Loghain sends out a search party. Farewell, Grey Wardens!" Cailan smiled.
When Cailan walked away Elissa looked at Duncan who looked annoyed. "What the King said was true. They have won several battles against the darkspawn here."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better about our chances because he didn't seem to take the darkspawn seriously," Elissa raised her eyebrows.
"True," Duncan started walking and Elissa followed. "Despite the victories so far, the darkspawn horde grows larger with each passing day. By now, they look to outnumber us. I know there is an archdemon behind this. But I cannot ask the king to act solely on my feeling."
Duncan pulled to a stop and faced Elissa. "So what would you have him do?"
"Wait for reinforcements. We sent a call out west to the Wardens of Orlais," Duncan said.
"Really? I'm sure Loghain loves that," Elissa crossed her arms.
Duncan laughed, "We should proceed with your Joining as soon as possible."
"A hot meal would be nice," Elissa sighed. She was exhausted and wanted time away to process what had happened.
"I agree, we have until night fall to get started. So feel free to explore the camp. All I ask is that you not leave it. Especially in an attempt to find Fergus," Duncan said almost reading Elissa's mind. "He went into the Wilds which is dangerous in a group much less alone."
"I won't leave the camp," Elissa sighed.
"Good, when you're ready there's another Grey Warden in the camp by the name of Alistair. Seek him out and he'll summon the other recruits."
"Do the other Warden's know who I am? That I'm a Cousland I mean?" Elissa asked. She wasn't sure she wanted people to know who she was. Not yet anyway.
"All I sent to them was that you were skilled with a bow and from Highever. No one knows who you are," Duncan said studying his young recruit.
Elissa nodded, "All right. What is this Joining anyway?"
"The Joining is dangerous. I cannot speak more of it except to say that you will learn all in good time. Until then, you must trust that what is done is necessary," Duncan explained.
Elissa didn't like the sound of that. Did that mean she might not live through the Joining? He never mentioned that when he held her recruitment over her father's dying head. Before Elissa's anger returned in full force Duncan broke through her thoughts.
"Your hound can stay with me while I attend to some business," Duncan said.
"Um, no. I'd prefer if Lucky stayed with me," Elissa set her jaw.
Duncan studied her than nodded, "Very well just keep him under control."
Elissa about said something about that but Lucky leaned against her.
"If you need to find me the Grey Warden tent is on the other side of the bridge," Duncan said.
Elissa nodded and Duncan left her standing there. Elissa looked around at the mountains. She took a deep breath and found it smelled different than the Coastlands. She missed the sea air. Here it smelled sour. She wasn't sure if that was the darkspawn or the many soldiers that were camped in the valley below. But it smelled unclean.
Elissa looked at Lucky, "Well boy, I guess this is now our lot in life."
Lucky barked up at her.
"Wonder what we did to piss off the Maker," Elissa grumbled.