So for those you who were patiently (or impatiently) awaiting this chapter, you are in luck! There were massive delays for my flight into Melbourne, so I had an obscene amount of time waiting in the Atlanta airport to finish his chapie.
Now, I was going to reread it a couple more times, but I am a bit tispey and everyone has gone to bed, so here it is. Chapter 19. And I know, I know. The present is not as long as you want it to be, but I promise next chapter, there is a lot of it. The past here is mostly fluff so skip it if you so desire. (but you willl miss someone's wedding and I won't say who.)
Right. So here is chapter 19. And I would really love for you to review. I like to know what my readers think about the story and truely believe that critisim (or even a little bit-o-praise) makes me a better writer.
So sock it to me.
Let me have it.
Hurt me.
I can take it.
Did I mention that I've had too much to drink and I don't own anything Twilight? Well I have and I don't. And I don't own shit except an itsy bitsy teeney weeney bikini. And hopefully a tan in the neat future.
December 23, 2010
BPOV
As usual, I wake before Edward. I'm always up early; he would sleep all day if he could. I smile down at him and kiss both his eyelids before carefully climbing out of bed. Edward grumbles in his sleep as I break our contact, and I smile again.
I pull on a pair of blue thigh high socks and a favorite grey cardigan of Edward's over my t-shirt before padding down stairs with a legitimate spring in my step.
Things are looking up. Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it.
Typically, I'm the first one up and therefore make the coffee. But the dark liquid is already brewing when I reach for the pot. I stare at it, puzzled, before someone clears their throat at the kitchen table. I turn around, sliding with my socks on the wooden floors.
My mouth falls open in shock when I see Tia sitting at the kitchen table with the morning paper spread out in front of her. If I didn't spend the night with Edward, I would have been highly suspicious.
"I see you didn't make it home," I say, breaking the silence but not easing the tension.
"Likewise," she replies, the judgment apparently displayed on her nauseatingly perfect face.
"Actually," I say, sauntering over to the table and pulling out the chair across from her. I prop my feet up on the table, cool as a motherfuckin' cucumber. "I live here."
"Oh really?" she asks. I can tell she doesn't believe me.
"Yup. Alice is renting me Edward's old room."
"I see," she murmurs, turning her sad face back to the paper. Her eyes stay fixed on one spot, so I know she isn't actually reading. I feel a little bad for her. I know from experience that a life without Edward fucking blows. "But you left him."
"Yeah..."
"How could you do that to him?"
"Listen, chica," I say, pissed now. "I don't fucking know you, and you're obviously in love with my man. Why in the fuck would I tell you all my deep dark secrets?"
Tia shrugs. "We kissed once, you know." I see red and want to strangle the bitch, but my face remains impassive. I promised Alice there would be no punching of Tia at the party. But technically the party ended hours ago. "A year ago during our first semester. We had a little too much to drink. But he stopped before things could progress. Said he didn't want to lose me as a friend and couldn't do a relationship because he had been recently been burned by some heartless bitch."
It's my turn to look away. I doubt Edward used those exact words, but it stings anyway.
"It's complicated, with Edward and I," I say.
"So I gathered."
"I hate myself for hurting him."
"I would imagine."
"He's my everything."
"Yet you left him."
"Listen, cocksucker," I say, livid at this point. "You didn't even know I existed until yesterday. You don't know shit about me or my past with Edward so you have no right to judge. I know in your head you probably convinced yourself that he loves you back, but you're wrong. He loves me, and I won't take that for granted again."
"I can't picture it," she says quietly, looking down at her hands in her lap. "Edward with a girl. In a relationship. And if I had to it would be with someone like…"
"Someone like you," I finish for her. As upsetting as it is, it doesn't make sense for Edward to be with me. He should be with someone who shares his interests and goals and ambition. I've been saying this for years and it's probably the next fucking issue I'll be forced to deal with when I start going back to therapy. Something to look forward to.
Tia smiles sadly before continuing. "It's just… You've got this whole hip, grungy, delinquent thing going on. I mean, you have facial piercings for goodness sakes!" I roll my eyes. It is one simple nose ring, not a gaged lip or some shit. And I've heard this a million times. What can I say? Opposites attract. "And is he so conservative and kind, smart. You are so unlike him."
"You're unbelievable, you know that?" I reply with a humorless chuckle. "You don't know me at all. Do you know where Edward and I had our first real conversation? Fucking Biology class. You know where we really got to know each other? The goddamn library. I hate to break it to you, my darling Tia, but I'm fucking smart. I graduated a semester early with two majors and a three eight GPA. And I know I don't make the wisest decisions, but I'm not some bimbo. And it's not just the mind blowing sex," she winces and I am a horrible person because her pain makes me happy, "we connect. He's my Edward and I'm his Bella. We're Edward and Bella. That's who we are. We are good together, despite the mistakes I made."
I don't know where this is coming from. Maybe its because I feel unbelievably threatened both because she's gorgeous and because she really is the kind of woman Edward should be with. This is why I'm in therapy. I need to over come all these self-loathing issues before I can ever really be in a healthy relationship with Edward.
But for now, I need Tia to get a clear picture of us.
"That may be, but I know Edward," Tia insists, glaring at me and slamming her paper down on the table. "And that drunken, crude mess he was last night is not right! Edward is polished and perfect. He's always in control and sure of his path. You turn him into something he's not. Getting drunk and talking so loudly about things that should be kept private."
Tia is obviously scandalized, and I try not to laugh at her again. She really has no idea. I would pay good money to see the look on her face when she heard about the library BJ. Or the very loud bathroom sex. Or getting caught in various compromising positions by our roommates. Or when he introduced a video camera into our bedroom. Edward is not a saint. He's probably always been the picture of polite perfection to Tia, but that isn't who he really is. He teases me mercilessly and likes to go on adventures.
I'm tempted to tell her, but I'm working really hard on being the kind of person that deserves Edward so I take the high road.
"I think you're wrong," I state simply.
"Pardon?" she asks, looking confused.
"Well, not totally wrong. The boy is perfect," I muse. "But that polished, controlled, focused robot you think you know? Yeah, that's what Edward looks like bored out of his mind."
"You're ridiculous," Tia scoffs.
"I'm not. You've known him for what? A year and a half? Less than two years. And I promise you, they were two very weird years because I know I hurt him. I know that he has probably been zombie-ing around since I left."
Tia snorts unattractively. "It's a little self involved to say that, don't you think? To claim to have had such a drastic effect on his life and happiness?"
"No," I reply without pause. "I know that because I was the same way. Edward distracts himself from all that pain by throwing himself into school. My methods involve a whole lot of drugs, but the ultimate result is the same. Escape."
"I don't believe you," Tia whispers. "I know him."
This conversation is getting away from me, but I can't help but respond.
"Did you know that Edward loves literature? He's as well read as me. Did you know he plays the piano and loves to salsa dance? Did you know that his favorite food is Ethiopian? That he's hiked almost every fourteener in the state and that he likes to climb trees when he's feeling sad. He drinks whiskey, scotch when it's available, wine when it's not, and jogs like a blizzalion miles when he gets stressed. Did you know any of that?"
I can tell by the look her face that she is blown away by all this information.
"Don't feel bad. He really is a very private person," I continue.
"That's all very trivial, don't you think?" she finally says in response.
And just like that, I feel better. Edward is not destined to be with Tia. She doesn't even care about the stuff that makes Edward Edward. Tia just sees the academic, soon to be a fuck awesome surgeon Edward. She remains blind to his warrior side, his aggressive, possessive tendencies, and the part of him that is really just a mischievous little boy. She doesn't get the whole package. I do.
"I certainly don't think so," I reply, suddenly exhausted by this conversation. I rise from the table.
"Whatever you say, Isabella. But you better be one hundred percent positive that you aren't going to hurt him again, because I do know Edward and he wont survive this time."
"Neither would I," I reply before departing. "And its just fucking Bella!"
I need Edward back in my arms
May 2, 2008
"There you are," I sigh out in relief when I see Edward bent over his desk. Papers and textbooks cover every part of the large surface. He doesn't turn when I enter the room, but I know he hears me because he nods his head slightly.
It's a week before finals, so of course his head is in a book. Every semester is the same. Finals happen, and I lose my… whatever the hell Edward is to me until he finishes his last test. And although finals are stressful for everyone, Edward really freaks out. He's hell bent to get perfect grades so he spends more time doing sciency crap than does fucking me.
Unfortunately.
"I looked in the library after I got out of my last class," I say, kicking off my Birks in the closet. "That fucking place is already packed. I hate people who only go to the library during finals. I think library regulars should get priority seating. There were two sorority bitches in our spot!"
Edward grunts in response. I sigh in frustration.
"But at least today was the last day of classes," I say, plopping down on his lap. He cranes his neck to see around me, his eyes never leaving his notes. "A couple more tests, and we are done with junior year."
"Four tests," he corrects, still not paying any attention to me. "First one is tomorrow. Anatomy."
"Anatomy," I say, keeping my voice low and raspy. I wrap my arms around him and nip at his jaw. His heartbeat picks up under my palm. Though his face doesn't move, I know my proximity still affects him.
He nods and flips through the book in front of him.
"If I recall," I continue, bringing my face closer to his. "You are very," I kiss the corner of his mouth, "very," I kiss the point of his chin, "very," I kiss his now slightly upturned lips, "very good at anatomy. Do you want to apply all this practically?" I nip at his ear and run my hands over his chest as I waggle my eyebrows at him suggestively.
I'm a motherfucking pro at distracting Edward from his studies. It probably means I'm a bad influence, but his grades have yet to suffer. Dude has never gotten anything lower than an A minus thus far in his college career. Loser.
Though I must admit, I will be thrilled when whatever crazy advanced anatomy class he is taking this year is over. Despite all the innuendo opportunity the class provides, mostly it just serves to stress Edward out, and I don't like it.
"Bella…" he whines. "My Anatomy final is tomorrow evening. I need to study."
"How long have you been sitting here?"
"Dunno, since I got home from my last class," he replies, still more focused on his schoolwork than me.
"That was like five hours ago," I admonish, burrowing into his neck. I nibble on his skin, pleased when he shutters slightly. "You need a break."
"Not going to happen, love," he replies. My lips immediately still on his neck, and I jerk away from him in irritation. I cross my arms over my chest.
"What is the fucking point of having a boyfriend if he won't even practice anatomy with me," I say petulantly.
My childish mini rant gets his attention, and his face snaps towards me while his pen clatters from his hand. Score!
"Boyfriend, huh?" he asks, smirking at me and bringing his arms around my waist.
My mouth falls open in shock while my eyes bug out of my head. Did I really just say that?
"I didn't… uh… that wasn't… I don't know what you're talking about," I tell him.
"Yes, you so totally just called me your boyfriend," he says, gloating.
I'm still a little too shocked to really respond like a normal person. Edward has been referring to me as his girlfriend since Renee left last fall. The lingo must be rubbing off on me. It was a slip of the tongue, that's all. I don't see Edward like that. I don't consider him my boyfriend because I don't do boyfriends.
Right?
Right.
"I have no fucking clue why I said that," I defend lamely. "I must have meant boyfriend in the metaphorical sense. Not the literal sense."
He just smirks at me knowingly. I hate that he looks so self satisfied. The whole altercation pisses me off. He won't fuck me. He's making me say stupid shit.
I attempt to remove myself from his lap, but he holds me firmly against him.
"Edward," I snap, wanting to be alone. "Lemme go."
He tilts my face towards his with his fingers on my chin, and kisses me thoroughly. I relax into his warm body, and sigh against his lips. My hands find their way into his silky hair as his palms cradle my face. Kissing Edward is my favorite activity. He somehow manages to erase all negative thoughts and emotions from all of me. I get lost, when he kisses me, in a perfect world that's all beauty and wonder and light.
And Edward.
But all too soon, he pulls away. I whimper a little at the loss of contact. He keeps his hands on my face, and I rest my forehead against his.
"You're beautiful," he says, running a thumb over my lips and drinking me up with his eyes. "Have I told you that recently?"
"Yes, all the fucking time, you ridiculous dork." I brush off his complements, but I blush anyway.
"You really think I need a break?" he asks, running a hand through his hair.
I give him a scathing look that clearly says, "obviously, moron".
"I think I have a better idea," he says with my favorite crooked smile. "Why don't you help me study?"
"Help you?" I scoff. "I can't even pronounce most parts of the fucking body! I'll just confuse the shit out of you."
"This doesn't require you to speak at all."
"Bella, lie still, damn it!" Edward reprimands, from the general vicinity of my right foot.
"I can't!" I reply with a giggle, really trying very hard to do as instructed.
"Who knew? Bella Swan is ticklish," he says in apparent wonder.
"Just shut up and label me," I mutter as he ducks his head back to his work.
I lay out on Edward's neatly made bed in only a black bra and matching pair of boy-short panties, attempting to lie still as Edward scribbles away on me. His fingertips trace my bones shortly followed by the tip of his black marker as it labels my skin: bones, muscles, ligaments.
Hip bones connected to the thigh bone. Except more scientific.
I like being able to help Edward, even if it just means being his life-size science dummy.
Leaning up on my elbows, I get a better look at Edward working away on my leg. He stripped down to his boxers because I didn't want to be the only one in their undie-pants. Narrow glasses with dark frames rest on his straight nose, and his brow furrows in concentration as he conjures crazy complicated names from his massive brain. I smile at the adorable way he mutters to himself under his breath.
It's a slow burn. He's only done part of one leg, and already that familiar sexual tension is coiling in my belly. One motherfucking leg.
"Is this really going to help you remember?" I ask quietly as I lay back and close my eyes, reveling in the feel of his fingers and the felt tip of his marker.
"Yes," he says with a chuckle. "I already have an image of your body burned into the back of my eyelids. Adding words to something I know better than myself will definitely help."
"You're gonna want to fuck me so bad when you get out of that test," I reply, a smile playing around my mouth.
Edward laughs, planting a kiss on the inside on my calf before moving up to my knee. "I live in a perpetual state of wanting to fuck you," he admits softly, writing on my knee.
I fucking love it when Edward curses, and my body shudders a little as I try to put a cap on my need.
"Don't move," he reminds me with a whisper.
He makes slow progress, inching up my body. Sometimes, he has me lift a limb to get at some probably ticklish crevasse. Edward works in silence for the most part, just muttering unintelligibly under his breath. Occasionally he shares with me a particularly miraculous fact about a particularly miraculous part of the human body. Every time he leaves a region of my body, he kisses my skin.
By the time he gets to my hipbone, we're both breathing heavily. My legs rest over his shoulders while his hands wrap around my hips from behind. His head rests on my thigh while he marks up my side.
"Bella…" he warns as my hip arch slightly. His voice is strained. "Stay still, love."
"I'm trying," I whine somewhat breathlessly.
He moves his head slightly, and his chin grazes my already throbbing lady parts.
"Oh… fuck!" I hiss, my fingers lacing through his hair again.
"Isabella," he says, sounding equally frustrated. "I'm trying to study down here."
"Oh baby," I reply, tightening my thighs around his neck. "Please study down there. You study down there so good."
"You're ridiculous," he scoffs, crawling up my body and nuzzling my belly.
"This was your stupid idea," I remain him, continuing the run my fingers through his hair behind his ear. I know he likes this. It soothes him. Sometimes I can even get him to fall asleep like this when his brain's going a million miles a minute. He presses his thumb into the indent by my hipbone when we're in bed, and it has the same effect on me.
"It's a great idea," he contradicts, lifting his head and labeling my ribs. "I'm going to dominate this test."
"I better get some sort of reward for this torture. You're graffiting me."
"You're loving it. You're my little work of anatomically labeled art." He kisses my belly button, and I smile, continuing to stroke his hair.
I keep my mouth shut and my needy little whimpering to a minimum to let him finish. I want to help him dominate the anatomy test. So I let him doodle on my arms and hands and even back. I draw the line at the face, though.
Edward will totally get an A. And I receive multiple orgasms for my efforts.
An hour later, Alice orders us all to family dinner.
"What the fuck happened to you two?" Alice demands when we take our seats at the kitchen table. It's equally covered with papers and binders as Edward's desk, but it's a whole lot less academic.
Over Christmas break, Alice went with Jasper to Texas for several and somehow came back with a huge engagement ring. No one was terribly surprised, except Jasper himself who still seems a little shocked that Alice managed to wrangle a proposal from him.
They were getting married in June.
I can't fucking wait, because all this wedding shit is driving me insane. Alice, not able to decide who she likes better, declared Rose and I co-maids of honor. Rosalie hates the duties as much as I do, but we suffer though for our favorite little pixie. And at least we have each other.
I can't pinpoint the exact moment Rose and I became friends again, but I'm relieved to have Rosalie back in my life, even if we still fight like an old married couple.
"We were studying, Ali," Edward explains, having no idea that he has black marker smudges on his face, neck, arms, and hands. I'm equally messy, and I giggle at Alice's incredulous expression.
"Is that what the kids are callin' it these days?" Jasper asks. I didn't even notice him hidden behind a large stack of bridal magazines and Alice's four-inch thick wedding planner at the far end of the table.
"Edward's going to get an A plus," I say, leaning over to nuzzle into his neck causing him to smirk. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"
"I really think you should take anatomy, love," he replies, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You're quiet good at it yourself."
"Shut the fuck up," Rosalie says, entering the kitchen from her bedroom. "You're going to make me puke all over Alice's wedding crap."
"I will murder you in your sleep and chop you up into indiscernible little pieces if you get any bodily fluids anywhere near my wedding plans. And its not crap. I should kill you for that statement alone." Alice is seething. She is the only one, besides Emmett, that doesn't get pissed at Rose on a regular basis so I find the interaction quite entertaining.
Rosalie's eyes go wide and she immediately sits down and shuts up as Alice glares at her.
I snort in pleasure, but try to pass my laughter off as a cough. No one is fooled and Rosalie aims a kick at me under the table. I pull my legs up underneath me and scoot closer to Edward, who pulls me into his chest protectively.
He smells so good, and I notice a little black smear behind his ear. How did that happen? I see Waldo snake around Edward's ankles, and I bring him into my lap in an attempt to distract myself from my lusty thoughts.
Shockingly, it doesn't work.
"I was told there would be dinner," I put in from the general vicinity of Edward's chest. "We have studying to do."
"From the look of your hair you have already done plenty of studyin'," says Jasper helpfully.
"What the fuck is that black stuff?" Rosalie demands.
"Alice, I have Anatomy tomorrow. I thought you said this was a quick dinner. Have you even started cooking? Why are you even cooking? You can't cook," Edward rambles next to me. I bring my face close to Waldo's, making him go even more cross-eyed as he attempts to keep eye contact. I feel an argument brewing, and would rather be petting the kit-cat than fighting.
"Yeah, you're probably going to end up poisoning us all. Remember that brown crap six months ago that was supposed to be some sort of cheese dish?" Rosalie asks.
"Cookin' is the one thing you can't really do, darlin'," says Jasper
"Will you all shut the fuck up?" Alice screeches in full on flip out mode. Waldo lets out a little hiss and runs off to hide under the couch. Baby. "I sent Emmett for take-out. And while we wait, I figured we could go over wedding stuff."
There is a massive outcry against this, but I keep quiet and observe.
"Anatomy, Alice! Anatomy!"
"No fucking way! If I have to look at one more shade of eggshell white my brain is going to explode!"
"Honey, you promised no more wedding stuff until after finals."
"ENOUGH!" Alice screams, looking downright homicidal. "The wedding is in a little over the month. Can you all just stop being so selfish and focus on me!"
This set off a whole new round of protests, and I giggle at the chaos surrounding me. I really like this bunch of freaks.
Emmett enters the kitchen at just the right time, arms laden with bags of Thai food. His jovial laugh and the scent of dinner he brings with him immediately defuses the situation. Everyone is a whole lot happier with food in front of them, and Alice seizes the opportunity to talk to us about the wedding.
Come June we, along with two-hundred of Alice and Jasper's closest friends and family, we will be driving up to Estas Park. Although I'm not thrilled about my co-maid of honor duties, I love Rocky Mountain National Park. It's all craggy mountains and dense forests and winding rivers. Oh and elk. Lots of elk. I love me a good elk.
Despite my approval of Alice's wedding location, I can't even imagine her decision to bind her life to another's. For fucking ever. And though a lot of people have doubts because they are so young, I have doubts about the whole institution of marriage.
Though I am fucking happy for my former roommate.
"Okay, now that all you assholes have food on your fucking plates, you will all listen to me for five fucking minutes." Alice jabs her fork at everyone around the table, and we nod with our mouths full of Pad Thai.
Alice babbles at us about dress fittings and cake tastings and flower selections. She promises not to force us to do anything until finals are over next week, but she gets this scary look in her eye when she tells us that we'll be making up for this "break" by working extra hard.
Right. Because finals are such a nice, relaxing break.
We're dismissed after twenty minutes, and we all retire to our various quiet locations to study. Edward goes back to his desk, and I sit on his bed, finishing a final paper for one of my lit classes. It's nice being here with him.
I finish working around two AM, and crawl under the covers. Edward turns off the overheard, despite my protests, but keeps working under the sole light on his desk. I drift off to sleep, watching Edward's face as his giant brain absorbs everything it can before his test tomorrow.
It's hours before Edward comes to bed, and I don't really fall asleep until he pulls me into his arms.
"Holy Toledo," Alice says, gaping at me in apparent shock as I step out from behind the pale pink curtain that forms a dressing room.
"Is it really that bad?" I ask, feeling totally out of my comfort zone.
"Holy Toledo, indeed," Rosalie echoes, emerging from her own dressing room and staring at me.
"What? Fine. I'll just not be in the wedding party. I don't want to muck up your wedding photos with my general fuglyness," I say, flustered as I retreat to the dressing room. I like it in there. No one can see me.
"No!" Alice yells, leaping over a crème colored lounge chair to grab my arm. "Come here, Izzy."
"Izzy?" I say in distaste at the nickname as I let her drag me towards the floor length mirror. "Izzy? Do I fucking look like a fucking Izzy to you? No one's called me that since I was a fucking child—"
"Shut it," Alice scolds. "Look at yourself."
I glance at the mirror, and jump a little at the image of myself in a full length, royal blue dress. It's strapless and silky and makes my pale skin glow.
"Shit," I say.
"I fucking know, right," Rosalie says, joining me in the mirror in a matching dress. "Bella actually looks like a girl."
Alice reaches up on her tip toes to remove my hair from the messy bun on the top of my head. She fusses with it until she's pleased with the way it falls around my shoulders.
"Bella looks beautiful," Alice whispers reverently.
"I look like a grown up," I murmur, embarrassingly enraptured with my appearance.
"We are grown ups," Rosalie says, sounding equally in awe.
Alice puts her arms around my waist and Rose's, and we spend a moment admiring ourselves in the mirror. We stand there, smiling and thinking.
"We fucking better be," Alice says suddenly, her arm tightening on my waist. "I'm fucking getting married."
"You're fucking getting married," I repeat with a smile.
"You're fucking getting married," says Rosalie, squealing slightly.
"I'M FUCKING GETTING MARRIED!" Alice bellows.
The next thing I know the three of us are dancing around in a circle, repeating this mantra over and over again, smiling and giggling and generally acting like a bunch of moronic, hormonal teenage idiots.
It's almost like an out of body experience. Before Alice, I never really had girlfriends except for Rosalie. And when it was just the two of us, we rarely acted like… well girls. Rosalie and I ran around with a pack of boys, so we never did girly stuff like this.
Of course then in 10th grade Rosalie got boobs and joined the cheerleading squad and thought I slept with her boyfriend. Nothing was the same after that.
And even more shocking than getting excited about Alice's wedding, is that I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying girlfriends and being a girl.
So I twirl and laugh and scream about Alice fucking getting married.
"Well," says a stern yet amused voice behind us. "I suppose this little display shouldn't surprise me. What a welcome to Colorado."
We all freeze with our arms thrown around each other and stare at the newcomer.
"MOMMY!" Alice shrieks before taking off and almost tackling the caramel-haired beauty lingering in the entryway, standing by a rather bemused looking sales person. Esme laughs and rains kisses down on Alice's face as her daughter continues to squeak.
Rosalie and I loiter awkwardly by the mirrors in our bridesmaid dresses. Esme scares the fuck out of both of us, which is unusual for the pair of us. We are strong women. We always have been, strong and independent and somewhat stubborn. It's the reason we were such good friends long ago, and why it took us so long to repair said friendship.
The elegant, classy Esme Cullen makes us want to piss our collective pants.
She doesn't think we're good enough for her sons. In my case, she's right.
"Hello, Rosalie," Esme says as she approaches us. She keeps her arm around her daughter, and I hate how being around Esme makes me miss Renee. "Bella." Her voice is colder when she addresses me, and I wince. She's remembering how I abandoned her son in Forks last summer.
I haven't seen her since she made me dinner and we bonded over our love of literature.
"Hello, Mrs. Cullen," I murmur, suddenly entranced with the hem of my dress.
Rosalie repeats my words.
"Please, I've told you both a thousand times to call me Esme."
"Esme then," Rosalie responds with a smile while I stand there like an awkward mute.
"And the only reason I'm not lecturing you about profanity usage in public is because your fucking getting married in two weeks," Esme says with a crooked smile that's shockingly similar to her son's.
"I know!" Alice says, beaming.
"You girls just look gorgeous," she says smiling and squeezing each of our hands.
"Thank you," we reply in unison.
"So how was your flight, Mom?" Alice asks, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
"Long but fine. I'm so happy to be here with you. I can't believe my little girl is getting married. I always thought Emmett would be first," Esme muses, causing Rosalie to pale and sway slightly at my side. "You're father is freaking out by the way. Not that he doesn't love Jasper, it's just that you are so young and his only little girl is a woman now. But I'm sure he'll tell you all about that when he gets here next week. We just love you so much, baby girl."
"Oh, Mommy!" Alice hugs Esme and starts crying somewhat hysterically. Again, Rose and I shuffle our feet awkwardly, feeling like we are intruding on a private mother-daughter moment. Rosalie's mother is a rich hippie doctor, more concerned with saving the kids of foreign lands then paying attention to her own. Neither of us are so good with the mothers, so we don't even know how to watch a healthy mother daughter relationship.
"Uh," I say, grabbing Rosalie's elbow as the emotion in the boutique makes me so uncomfortable, I need to get away. "We're gonna change."
"Shit, Esme terrifies me. Even when she's being super nice, I feel like she just knows about all the dirty stuff I've done with her son," Rosalie hisses as she pulls the zipper of my dress down my back. She grabbed her clothes out of her own dressing room to join me in mine so we could have a little powwow.
"I fucking know right!" I reply, carefully stepping out of my dress and unzipping Rose's identical gown. "And she double hates me for that leaving stunt I pulled last summer."
"Yeah. That was stupid."
"I'm well aware," I snap, pulling my denim shorts over my hips after I hang my dress.
"Is it weird that I wish my boyfriend's mom was my mom? Because that would make all the great sex I have with the man totally gross and illegal. But I really wish Esme was my mom," Rosalie whispers as she too gets dressed.
"Yeah, you are fucking freaky, Rosalie Lillian."
She laughs and I smile. I have similar secret desires, but I have no inclination to share that thought with my friend. I pull on a tie-dye tank top and slip my feet into my worn Briks, wishing I had remembered Esme was coming in today. I would have dressed nicer.
When we emerge from behind the pale pink curtain – I'm learning that everything wedding oriented is pale pink or eggshell or other pansy-ass colors – Esme and Alice sit on the lounge. They both seem composed and hold Champaign flutes in their hands, but their eyes are red.
"So," Esme says when Rosalie and I sit across from them on an equally fancy loveseat. "Enough with this small talk. I want to see the dress."
She waves over the sales lady who hands Rose and I flutes identical to Alice and Esme's. Again, I wish I'd dressed a little more appropriately. What was I thinking? Tie fucking dye. I feel like I'm twelve.
"So girls," Esme says when Alice leaves to change. "How did finals go?"
"Pretty good," Rosalie replies. I'm glad she's here. My silence is acceptable as long as my friend speaks. "It's hard to believe that I'm all done."
"Oh, that's right," Esme says. "You graduated this semester! Congrats. I forget because Emmett is still working on his masters. You're interning at an engineering firm, right?"
"Yes, I start in June. Right after the wedding," Rose replies, looking beautiful and confidant.
Fucking tie-dye.
"Congratulations. Welcome to the real world," Esme says with a smile.
"Not quite yet," Rosalie chuckles. "I still have a couple weeks off."
"And what about you, Bella?" Esme asks.
Shit. She's directly addressing me. That means I have to speak.
"Well, I still don't have all my grades back but I think I did really well," I reply quietly.
"Big plans for after graduation?" she asks. "You're studying English, right?"
"Literature and Creative Writing," I say, nodding. I finish off the liquid remaining in my glass with one gulp. "But I still have no idea what I want to do with myself."
Esme raises an eyebrow at me. We both know I'm not good enough for her talented, on the fast track to super star surgeon-dom son. Not that it matters anyway. He isn't mine. This isn't permanent. But I can't exactly explain to my fuck buddy's mother that we aren't serious.
Alice comes out and thankfully steals the rooms attention. And rightfully so. She's stunning.
"Oh, Alice," Esme says, rising and placing a hand over her heart. Her eyes mist over again as Alice stands on the elevated platform on surround by the three hundred and sixty degree mirrors. "You look… simply radiant."
She really does. Seeing Alice in her wedding dress is really… amazing. She looks perfect.
"Thank, Mom," she replies, smiling knowingly at herself in the mirror.
"The pictures you sent me didn't do it justice, honey," Esme continues, running her fingers over the bead work on the bodice. "It's striking."
And it is. Even I, cynical Isabella Swan must admit that the strapless dress with flowing skirt looks damn good on my little former roommate. Everyone in the room is sniffling as we stand there and stare at Alice. Except me, though I am slightly choked up, which is a big deal for me.
"I'm fucking getting married in a week," Alice whispers, still staring at herself in the mirror.
"Damn right," says Esme.
I sit with the wedding party and family members at the rehearsal dinner. It makes sense, I suppose. My date is a brother/groomsmen and I'm a co-Maid of Honor. But over the salad course, I look over at a different table with longing.
All the college friends sit together at one table across the room. Jake with some blonde he's been dating. Sam and Emily, Garrett and Kate, Angela and Ben. They all laugh hysterically and drink heavily. Lucky sons of bitches.
Everyone at this table thinks Edward is my boyfriend, which is much better than explaining to his scary rich relatives the situation. They think I'm some backwoods hippie gold digger, leading the perfect Edward away from his doctor destiny.
Grandma Cullen looks down her nose at me, and actually sanitized her hands after briefly grasping mine during our introduction. Grandpa Cullen seems to have decided that if he ignores me, I don't have to exist. Uncle Marcus leers at me, and actually tried to pinch my ass while his wife Chelsea looked on in distaste.
The Cullen family approves of Rose and Jasper because of their wealthy and socially connected parents. I don't have anyone, and they see me as the uncultured nobody I am. Its just more proof that I'm unworthy of Edward. Under the scrutiny of his family, I retreat in to myself and stay silent.
Edward, sensing my discomfort, puts an arm around the back of my chair.
"You look beautiful," he whispers in my ear as his fingers play with my hair. I straightened it for the occasion, and Edward is seizing the opportunity to run his hands through the silky strands. "That's one hell of a dress."
I smile and blush, glancing down on at the purple flower print covering my body.
"Wait till you see tomorrow's," I reply, thinking of my blue bridesmaids dress that hangs in the closet of our hotel room upstairs.
He leans toward me, but is interrupted by his mother.
"Edward, really. Why do you insist on leaving your hair so shaggy? It would be a whole lost neater if you just trimmed it up a bit," Esme says from Edward far side.
I scowl down into my over priced linguini and violently stab a shrimp. Every fucking time Esme is around she wants to scalp my boy.
"Come on, Mom," he says, shaking his head. "Leave my hair alone."
"I've missed you, darling," she says with a chuckle, attempting to pat down his hair.
"I've missed you, too," he replies, grinning at her.
"I think you should come home for the summer," she continues. I stifle a growl in my throat, and pretend that the shrimp on my plate is Esme's face. It's weird, hating the same woman I want to also to be my mother.
Then again, I hate my mother so that might fit.
Shit, Freud would probably have a field day with my fucked up psyche.
"Mom, we've talked about this. I'm working at the hospital in Boulder," he says.
"I suppose you're right. And last summer at home really didn't go well for you," she says, her voice turning icy.
I continue to stab my seafood as Edward slides a comforting hand up my thigh under the table.
"What happened to Edward last summer?" Grandma Cullen asks in apparent alarm.
I blush deeply and wish I could melt through my plush dining chair, down, down, down until I reach something I recognized.
"I was just bored," Edward explains in a rush before his mother can say anything to make the family think any less of me. "With Alice and Emmett in Colorado, there just wasn't a lot to do."
"Now, Isabella," says Aunt Chelsea. "Tell me, what do your parents do?"
I clear my throat, surprised to be addressed directly.
"It's Bella," Edward corrects, smiling at me warmly. Edward is comfortable here, among the people he's known his whole life, eating a fancy meal at a fancy wedding reception in a fancy hotel.
I'm so fucking not comfortable.
"Right," Chelsea says with a forced smile. "Bella, then."
"Well, my dad is the Chief of Police in Forks, actually," I say, sounding nothing like myself. My voice wavers and I sound unsure.
"Good man," Carlisle interjects. "Worked with Charlie for years. Plus, he does great things with a pole."
Everyone stops eating to look at Carlisle in puzzlement.
"A fishing pole," he says quickly with an eye roll as everyone laughs. Edward's dad is just so damn adorable.
Conversation changes to the great outdoors, and I try to relax. I'm so fucking far out of my comfort zone at this rehearsal dinner, it's obscene. I wouldn't make it, without Edward there, resting his hand on my bare knee.
"Am I understanding this correctly?" demands Grandpa Cullen. "Alice is already living with Jasper?"
"Yes, Father," Carlisle says warily. "All the kids share a house."
"So my granddaughter lives with her boyfriend, and you are okay with this?"
"She's an adult now, Richard," Esme says, attempting to soothe the older generation. "And she's getting married tomorrow. I think it's serious."
"Well what about Emmett and Rosalie?" he asks, nodding toward the couple across the table. Rose has her adult schmoozing face on. She successfully won over the Cullen relatives through flirtation. Slut. "Are they getting married anytime soon? And what about Edward and this one?"
Rosalie and I share looks of abject horror.
"Edward and Bella don't live together," Esme say in a lame defense.
"Not permanently, anyway," Edward blurts out.
If we were not surround by his Bella-hating family, I would punch his stupid mouth. He is such a mama's boy and never learned the extremely valuable skill of lying to his parents.
"Pardon?" asks Esme.
"Well… um… Bella is living at the house on Goss for the summer," he mutters, looking uncomfortable. I wonder which one of us is redder.
"What?" snap about four different people.
"I'm an RA," I explain quickly. "I live in the dorms during the school year, but they close for the summer, so your children are kind enough to let me stay until I can move back into Hallett Hall in August."
"Are you paying rent?" asks Grandma Cullen.
"Ah, not exactly. I'm paying in the form of dinner makin' and grocery shoppin'." I chuckle awkwardly. Everyone is staring at me.
I don't really speak for the rest of Alice's rehearsal dinner, and escape the moment the dessert dishes are cleared away. Fluctuating between a slow run and a fast walk, I don't stop moving through the throngs of wedding guests until I get outside.
God bless Alice and her decision to get married in the mountains.
Slipping off my heels and removing the bejeweled clip that holds my hair in a half ponytail, I walk across the soft grass towards the babbling brook that runs through the hotel property. It's landscaped to look natural, and I jump from rock to rock along the stream. I find a flat one next to a large pine that provides an almost panoramic view of Rocky Mountain National Park. Sitting and crossing my legs, I sigh in relief. I'm so fucking thankful to be away from the people and the fancy.
The sun is setting and the air is warm, so I dip my aching feet into the cool mountain creek.
"How are you doing?"
I smile as I recognize the voice, scooting over on my rock to make room for him. He sits next to me, and I lay my head on his shoulder.
"Good," I murmur, closing my eyes. "Now."
"I know they are a lot to handle," Edward says, running his hand through my hair again. "But thank you for trying. They are my family and they do mean well."
"They hate me," I reply.
"They hate everyone," he scoffs.
"They don't hate you."
"That's because I've always done exactly as they asked me to do," he replies.
"Until me."
"Yes, until you." He kisses my temple and holds me close.
"Is that why you like me? To rebel from your blue blooded family?" I ask, not liking the idea at all.
"I'm not much of a rebel," he says with a chuckle. "And I love you, Isabella."
I try not to flinch. I've gotten better at not flinching. I used to completely freak when he said it. Once I didn't speak to him for three days, it made me so angry. But he won't stop saying it, and I've gotten tired of fighting him on it. He says he doesn't expect me to say it back, which is good because I can't. I don't feel it. I don't feel anything.
"Have you seen Peter yet?" he asks suddenly after several moments of quiet.
"No, and I'm not fucking looking forward to it," I grumble. "I really hate that motherfucker."
"He's Jasper's best man. And he is actually behaving himself. As long as he stays away from you," Edward replies.
"As long as he isn't a dick to you," I snap back. I've also stop fighting Edward on his over protective tendencies. "Have you seen Mike Newton, my favorite former co-worker?"
"No," Edward replies with a scowl. "I don't even get why he's here."
"He's dating a bridesmaid, Edward. It's not like he flew across the country to use your sister's wedding as an excuse to finally get in my pants."
Edward just growls in response.
"Lighten up, he's behaving himself."
"As long as he stays away from you, too," he grumbles.
"You're ridiculous," I giggle.
"And you're to gorgeous for your own good," he replies.
"Hey! Love birds!" We turn around to Emmett, Rose, Angela, Ben, and Jake approaching our little rock seat. They each have a bottle of alcohol in their hands. "We're gonna go get drunk in that gazebo!" yells Emmett.
Laughing at his typical childlike enthusiasm, we get up and join our friends in the wooden gazebo. It's draped with little white lights, and the effect is otherworldly as the sun dips below the mountains.
"I can't believe I've never been up here before," marvels Ben, taking a long swig of tequila right out of the bottle. "One of the prettiest places in the world is only forty five minutes from where we live, and I've never been here before."
"You're a moron, lover," says an already drunk Angela with a giggle.
"We got here a couple days early," comments Emmett. "Rose and Bella took us on a bunch of badass hikes, way up above tree line. The view was insane! Alice almost had a heart attack."
"She really didn't like being forced into physical activity so close to her special day," Edward explains, accepting a bottle of red wine from Rose. He takes a long drink before handing it to me.
"I can't fucking believe they're getting married," Jake muses, pulling a joint out of his jacket pocket. "We're twenty one! Life is just getting started."
I nod, puffing twice before passing the joint to Rose who is also nodding.
"And they want to spend it together," Edward points out, defending his sister.
"I can see getting married in the near future," Emmett says as Rose blinks at him. "But I never want a fucking wedding. Did you see all those people in there? And all those flowers and shit? Alice has been fucking unbearable to be around for months."
We all nod and continue to drink.
"Where is the happy couple, anyway?" I inquire.
"Inside tending to their guests," says Angela. "It's an odd bunch. You've got the rich Chicagoan doctors," Edward and Emmett raise their bottles in silent salute to their family, "and the oil barons and cattle ranchers from Texas. And then the hippie Boulderite crowd and the small town Forksians."
"And then you've got the cool kids," Jake says. "That would be us."
"Here, here!" Emmett says and we all drink.
"Poor Alice and Jasper," I say as Jake hands me the joint again after it's gone around the circle once. "At my wedding, I only want to hang out with the people I actually like. No huge guest list with people I feel obligated to invite. And no family. Except Charlie. And Phil."
"At your wedding, huh?" Edward asks with a smirk.
"My hypothetical wedding," I say in horror. "Because I'm never fucking getting married."
"That my girl!" Jake shouts, giving me a high five as Edward glares and puts an arm around my waist. Occasionally, they sit get all possessive and metaphorically pee on my leg, but my two favorite boys get along much better than they once did so I grin and bear it.
"Where's your date, Jacob?" Edward asks, attempting yet failing to keep his tone pleasant.
"Dunno," Jake shrugs. "In that hotel somewhere, I guess."
"Jake are such a cocksucker," I say. "What's the point of bringing a date to a wedding if you're just going to abandon the poor girl. What's her name again?"
"Stacy."
Rosalie pretends to vomit. "Isn't that Barbie's younger sister?" she asks.
"Don't be a bitch, Rose," Jake says.
"Stacy's mom has got it going on!" Emmett declares, predictably.
"Why bring a date?" I ask again.
"Sex," replies Jake simply.
"You're a fucking idiot," Emmett says. "Everyone knows that weddings are the best place to pick up chicks! They get all sappy and desperate."
"Pig!" Rosalie says, slapping Emmett across the back of the head.
"Bella brings up a good point, though," Ben says, apparently deep in thought and changing the subject. "I would much rather be hanging out with us right now than a hundred acquaintances at the hotel bar."
Everyone echoes their agreement, and we keep drinking.
Eventually, Sam, Emily, Garrett, Kate, and the elusive Stacy wander out to join the party. More bottles and more weed is passed around. Everyone is downright silly by the time Jasper and Alice find us. I don't even notice them at first because I'm sitting on Edward's lap, smelling his neck.
"How do you do that?" I ask into his skin.
"Do what?" he replies with a goofy grin.
"Smell so good and Edwardy."
"Dunno. Just me I guess."
"Yeah, I guess. I—"
"ISABELLA!" The voice is so terrifying, I almost fall off Edward's lap. "Where the— what the fuck is going on out here?" Alice demands, gaping at the gazebo party.
"Sweet," says Jasper, loosening his tie.
"We're celebrating your wedding!" Emmett booms, almost falling over a railing as Rose giggles hysterically at his side.
"Idiot," mutters Alice. "You all better not be too hung over to look pretty in my wedding photos tomorrow."
"Relax, pixie-dust," says Emmett. "Tomorrow's going to be great."
He engulfs his little sister in a bear hug, lifting her off her feet and swinging her around in a circle. She giggles and hugs him back.
"Okay, okay," she says, stumbling slightly from the dizziness. "But I do believe I'm spending the night with my bridesmaids tonight." Alice is interrupted by a chorus of wolf whistles. "So let's go. I need my beauty sleep."
"Wait," Edward says, pouting as I get off his lap. "You're spending the night with my sister?"
I nod, not much happier about it then he is.
"But who will tend to my needs?" he whines. I smile at him fondly and stroke his hair before leaning down and giving him a lingering kiss.
"Your needs will just have to wait," I say in his ear. "Till tomorrow."
"Tell me I'm doing the right thing," Alice whispers into the dark. She shares a bed with the sleeping Jessica Stanley, her childhood best friend and the third bridesmaid, while I lie next to Rosalie. They are both asleep, and I roll over to get a better look at my friend in the bed opposite.
"Can't tell you that," I reply softly. "Only you can know. But I do know that you know its right. If that makes any sense."
I'm still a bit wasted and not in any shape to be giving pre-wedding advice. Not that I would ever be in great shape for giving pre-wedding advice.
"It does," Alice says with a little giggle. "I really love him."
"I know."
"It's just scary. Everyone thinks we're too young."
"Well, fuck 'em."
"They're right, Bella," she sighs. "We're really, really young."
"So what? Those people don't know you as a couple. They don't know your relationship. You guys are like fucking soul mates," I say.
"You think?"
"Yes, sir. Now go the fuck to sleep. You don't want to look tired in your photos."
"I love you, Bella," she whispers.
"Samesies."
"Look at how happy your sister is." I lean against the bar in the ballroom of a fancy mountain hotel where Alice linked her life forever to Jasper's less than two hours ago. It's the reception now, and I go about the business of getting hamcaked with the rest of my friends.
Edward eyes leave my face to glance at Alice pressed up against her husband of a few hours. Her head rests on Jasper's shoulder, his hand rests on the small of her back. They smile at each other adoringly.
"I can't believe big twin is married," Edward murmurs, shaking his head and sipping on his glass of scotch.
"It suits her," I say, still observing the happy couple. "The whole young bride thing."
"He's good for her," Edward agrees, tucking a strand of my painstakingly curled hair behind my ear. "Alice is… "
"Fuckin' awesome?" I offer when he hesitates.
"Well obviously," he says with a chuckle. "But she's also this bundle of energy and control-freak-ness. He focuses her and she motivates him."
"They're good together," I murmur, moving closer to Edward, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Indeed they are," Edward agrees, kissing my temple. "And you were right."
"Obviously," I say. "I'm always right. 'Bout what this time?"
"This dress totally kicks last night's dress ass," he whispers in my ear, causing me to blush.
"Told you so," I say with a laugh. Ignoring the dirty looks we're receiving from Edward's family, the smirk from Jasper's friend Peter, and the lust looks of Mike Newton and Uncle Marcus, I pull Edward's face to mine. He's just so perfect, how could I not kiss him all the time?
Despite all the people and the scrutiny, the wedding is actually damn fun.
We toast. Rose's toast is better than mine, but Edward's is the best of all. We dance. Edward spins me around, making me feel graceful for once in my life. Alice, Rose, and I dance like crazy people to cheesey 80's songs. We mingle. I even have a good talk with Carlisle and Esme. They seemed to have finally forgiven me for leaving their son in Forks last summer.
I'm pleasantly drunk when the party winds down, and Edward drags me to the elevator.
"Finally," he growls out, pushing me up against a wall the moment the doors close behind us. He kisses me breathless before moving his lips down the column of my neck. "When was the last time we had sex? It's been so long."
"Try like a day and a half," I giggle, running my hands up his back. His enthusiasm makes me smile.
"Feels like forever," he replies, griping my hips and lifting me slightly to get as close as possible. I want to wrap my legs around his hips, but the dress impedes my movement.
We continue to kiss and grope each, and I open my eyes. The walls of the elevator are lined with mirrors, and I watch us in fascination from multiple angles. I've never seen that look on my face before. The one that just exudes happiness and lust and contentment and… other stuff.
The elevator lurches, sending Edward and I sliding into a corner. My boy doesn't seem to notice, and I laugh loudly at the expression of determination on his face.
"What are you laughing about, Miss Swan?" he asks with an answering laugh. He nibbles on my neck, and I giggle again.
"You're just so adorable, it drives me insane," I tell him, pleased when he responds with my favorite crooked smile. He kisses me again, slower this time. Still, I keep my eyes open, watching the mirrors and Edward.
He makes me happy. That's what the mirrors tell me.