T'Pau - Part II
New Shi'Khar, New Vulcan Colony, 2270.149, 1558 hours. He had completed his meditation and proceeded to check on Selas who had been left to his afternoon nap in their room. Sensing the children's restlessness earlier int he day his father had earlier taken them and Nyota into town to witness firsthand the changes that had taken place since their previous visit; they would conclude their trip with a quick stop at the Embassy so that he might complete some necessary work. Spock did not fear for them while they were gone. New Shi'Khar was just that-new. Though his people clung to many of their traditions they were more welcoming of other species then they once were and he knew his adun'a and his children would be accepted, unlike how he and his mother had been in it's parent city thirty years prior.
He returned to his room and immediately spotted the crib. Crossing the floor quickly he peered in expecting to find Selas sitting amongst his toys only to discover that the bed was empty.
Immediately he tapped into the link. Selas was extremely pleased but that was all he could make out. His son should not have been able to get out of his makeshift crib but despite having beaten the 3.71% odds to do so he would not have gotten far. Spock hastened to the stairs.
"Lyrell."
The house steward drifted into the foyer from the kitchen. "Ha, Osu*?"
"My youngest is not in his crib. I require the staff to gather and…"
"Forgive me, Osu," the older man interrupted, "Your son resides in the next room with T'sai* T'Pau, per her request."
Spock dismissed the man with a nod and strode towards his grandmother's rooms. His ko-mekh-il was sitting in her hover chair near the bank of windows with Selas in her lap, holding his hand and turning her head this way and that as she gazed at the horizon. At the sound of the opening door they both looked his way in unison; Selas ceased babbling and proceeded to laugh, gesturing for him to come closer. Across the distance of the familial bond Spock felt T'Pau's presence.
"I did not mean to give thee cause for alarm," she said, "The servants informed me that thee was indisposed and thy family gone into town save for Selas. I desired his presence." Spock placed his finger into his son's hand; almost instantly Selas relinquished his great-grandmother's eyes in favor of his own, using them to look at T'Pau while still holding onto her. "He is a fascinating child, alike and yet so unlike T'Alora and Se'tak. I find great comfort from our time together."
Spock still did not speak as he pulled the lone chair up to sit beside her. As the days passed he found it increasingly difficult to spend time alone with T'Pau; he knew his behavior was illogical and that he should in fact be taking advantage of their remaining time together, which was why he had been upstairs meditating so that he would be prepared to face her.
His son let go of him then and reached up to touch T'Pau's face to familiarize himself with the contours unique only to her. Spock sensed rather then saw his grandmother's amusement over his son's actions. "As my time draws to an end I find I speak more freely now. It also takes great energy to maintain control, energy I do not have nor wish to expend now that time is short."
Having grown tired of sitting still Selas squirmed within T'Pau's grip, testing her lap for a means of getting down; he also began to babble again, this time rather impatiently. Taking him from her before either came to harm Spock set his son down on the floor and allowed him to crawl around.
"Thy father will require assistance from thee as he transitions into his role as the head of this clan." She drew several deep breaths. "Sarek understands well his duties to the family; the trouble will be in finding the balance necessary to satisfy the needs of the clan as well as his diplomatic duties. Does thee understand why I have relegated this task to thee?"
He did; of all of his kinsmen Spock alone was uniquely suited to the job at hand. He had striven for balance all his life, not in the way that all Vulcans did, and it was to this struggle T'Pau now referred. He nodded and his grandmother continued. "This does not negate thy duty to Starfleet in anyway; in point of fact I encourage thy return to thy ship as expeditiously as is prudent. I merely serve to warn thee of the coming trials so that thee may rightly aid thy father." Spock wanted to speak throughout the whole of her speech but found he could not as he was overcome with grief. "I would also ask thee one last favor, Spokh-kam."
"Fan-vel*."
"When my time ends I wish for thee to carry my katra* to the resting place."
Ordinarily he would never question his grandmother but her request was so shocking he could not help himself. "Are you certain that you would entrust this sacred mission to me? Surely Sarek would…"
"He grieves already, Spokh. Viciously. And to answer thy earlier question no, I would not entrust this duty to another, even if thy father were in a more stable state." She held out a hand to him and reluctantly Spock slipped his palm against hers. Images flashed past, faces and memories of ones lost over the 211 years of her life; all the journeys she had made to the Katric Ark; the day she assumed leadership of the clan while carrying the katra of her father; the day she followed Sarek as he carried the katra of her adun, Skon. "I understand what I ask of thee, Spokh-kam, as I understand how it taxes thee even now to dwell upon it, but I must reiterate that I will not trust this duty to another, only to thee." T'Pau slowly withdrew.
As he opened his eyes Spock found his vision to be blurry and he willed the tears away. He was honored and yet also troubled. Had he done right by her to warrant this responsibility she was bestowing upon him? "Ko-mekh-il, I…"
"No, Spokh. I have spoken my piece." She looked down to see Selas tugging on the fabric of her nightgown, feeling the smooth texture of the cloth against his cheek and testing it to see where it ended and she began. With great care she leaned down and scooped him back up into her lap. "Now is a time for looking to the future." T'Pau jiggled Selas on her knee to his great delight. "If thee would escort us onto the patio; I desire him to see the northern view of New Shi'Khar."
Spock was still too moved to speak and he moved to do her bidding. Carefully unlocking the door he slowly pushed his grandmother's hoverchair out onto the back patio, pointing it toward the expanding skyline 25.7 kilometers away, all three drinking in the sights of the great city.
New Shi'Khar, New Vulcan Colony, 2270.150, 1002 hours. There was an unexpected rapping at the door. "T'sai Nyota?" A brief silence followed by more knocking. "T'sai Nyota?"
Putting the last pins in her hair she rose to answer and was greeted by one of the young women on staff. "Ha?"
"T'sai T'Pau aitlu gla-tor nash-veh du.*"
With a nod to the girl the pair set off for downstairs, Nyota lingering a few steps behind. They'd been on New Vulcan a week and this was the first time that Spock's grandmother had specifically requested her presence. She thought back to her conversation with her husband the night before.
"She is much altered from the ko-mekh-il of my youth."
She continued to brush out her hair and look at him through the vanity mirror. "Of course she is, Spock. She's making her peace while she can and saying good-bye while she still has the chance."
He thought about that as she set the brush down and crossed the room to join him under the covers. "Although the summons was expected I had not anticipated her change in demeanor. It is all rather difficult to process and accept."
Spock draped a hand upon her leg as she leaned over to kiss him. "Then don't accept it, Ashayam. It's alright to feel conflicted. If ever there was a time for it then it's now."
Before she knew it she was standing alone in front of T'Pau's room. Bracing herself as best she could Nyota opened the double doors and strode in to find a Healer taking the elderly woman's vitals as she lay fast asleep. At her entrance the Healer quickly finished up, took up her PADD and left.
She leisurely looked around, taking in the belongings in T'Pau's room. There were several ancient Vulcan texts on the shelves, some fairly recent works of art, and a handful of holos. One in particular, depicting a teenager and a young girl, piqued her interest.
"My younger sister, T'Lee," the older woman croaked.
Nyota spun on her heel; she hadn't realized she was being watched. It was also the first time she could remember hearing T'Pau speak of any siblings. Now that she knew, Nyota could definitely see T'Pau in the teenage girl; shoulders thrown back, eyes staring unflinchingly at the camera, body angled ever so slightly toward the younger girl in a protective stance. As she took this in T'Pau gestured for the holo and she immediately brought it over.
"It would appear rather fortuitous that after the passing of Skon I packed up many belongings for off-planet storage. These texts in particular belonged to my late-adun."
She nodded in agreement and watched as T'Pau traced the figure of herself and her sister with a withered finger. "T'Lee never saw her eighth year. She perished during her kahs-wan*; her body was never recovered. This holo is all I have left of her."
How terrible! "Tushah nash-veh k'odu*."
T'Pau nodded. "I thank thee for thy condolences," she replied, eyes lingering on her sister's image. "But it was many years ago." She set the holo aside and looked Nyota right in the eye. "However, thou does remind me of her."
"Truly?" she asked before she could stop herself.
T'Pau nodded. "Truly. Thou art respectful towards all, as was she." She stared off into the distance, thinking what Nyota could only guess at. Finally she said, "I have been ungenerous to thee, as I had been to Amanda. I was only ever concerned of the ill-effects of human influence on the S'chn T'gai clan and name; I could never see the benefits. My thinking was limited."
"T'Pau…" automatically she reached out and took her hand and was sucked in by a black swirl of negative emotion. Regret, despair, rage…T'Pau had so much anger directed at herself for past incidents, slights and circumstances beyond her control it was amazing she was even sitting upright; as the meld persisted Nyota was unaware that her own recent bout with depression and lingering issues were helping feed the negative loop.
When they were finally able to pull apart both were in tears, T'Pau's silent and streaming down her face.
"I recant my previous statement," she announced when she was more composed. "I see more of myself in thee then I formerly realized." Carefully clutching her arm she added, "I am pleased to have known thee, Nyota Uhura of Earth, and call thee ko-fu-il.
"Do not think ill of me for my previous attitude. Were I allowed I would change many, many things and come to know thee better."
Three days later T'Pau stopped eating. Her vitals began to drop and she spent almost the whole of the day asleep. The entire clan poured into the main house to keep a round-the-clock vigil and were present when she finally passed at 1650 hours on a quiet, sunny, Thursday afternoon.
Spock carried his grandmother's katra to the Ark as promised; and after spending eight weeks helping Sarek settle all of T'Pau's affairs and adjust to his role as leader of the clan they returned home to the Enterprise. Nyota brought the image of T'Pau and T'Lee back with her and all five of them returned with memories of an extraordinary woman that they would never forget.
* "Ha, Osu?" = Yes, Sir?
* T'sai = Lady
* Fan-vel = Of course
* Katra = soul
* T'sai T'Pau aitlu gla-tor nash-veh du = Lady T'Pau wants to see you.
* Kahs-wan = Vulcan ritual marking the entrance into adulthood
* Tushah nash-veh k'odu = I grieve with thee (formal)