Hi there!
Remember me? I know. It has been forever and a half years since I last posted. I am going to blame finals and a 5 day camping trip through the wilds of Colorado. Happy summer!
Anyhoo. I'm back now. And here is the next chapter. I hope you like it. Also, I am thinking there are going to be about 3 more chapters total but we'll see. Regardless we are nearing the end now.
Thanks for reading!
January 6, 2011
It's quite possibly the most difficult thing I've ever done, telling Bella that I could only be her friend. She was vulnerable, finally letting me all the way in, and right in front me, telling me she wanted me forever.
My brain is so full when I get back to my empty apartment in Denver I fear that I won't be able to handle school in the coming days. Retreating to my bedroom, I slowly sit on my bed, continuing to just think.
And at one point, however briefly, she was pregnant. With our child. And she wanted it. Wanted my baby. I almost had a baby. And although I've always known that I want kids someday, I can't really picture it but I still feel a loss.
If things turned out differently, I would be raising an eighteen month old right now.
Shit.
And then Forks. She really got better in Forks, and I am so happy that she found a little peace. She's forgiven Renee and is letting go. Plus she figured out how she really feels about me, so I can't totally hate her for leaving anymore. Not totally, but still a little bit.
It's strange, but I'm oddly jealous and resentful of her time in Forks and the relationships she established. Maybe I just don't like the thought of men being anywhere near her. Maybe I resent the fact that these strangers helped her heal when I couldn't. But, like most things Bella has shared recently, I have mixed feelings about her time in Washington.
I want to scream at my mother for not telling me she saw Bella last October. That was a pretty shocking revelation, but not something I can handle at this moment.
It's mind-boggling, the vast spectrum of human emotion I've experienced in the last week. The anger, hurt, joy, love, and absolute heart break. And Bella's felt it all, right there with me.
It's a lot to process. And between the drinking and the talking, I'm utterly exhausted.
But we finally talked. It was long over due, and I really acted like an asshole with all that fuck buddy nonsense I pulled after Alice's party. I don't know what the hell I was trying to accomplish with that one, but it was stupid.
Talking to Bella was… cathartic. Especially after the week of wallowing I had, thinking the absolute worst of her. I should have had more faith. Once upon a time, I had faith in her. But everything changed two years ago. Everyone warned me that she would hurt me. And then she left.
That may be the worst part to me. That I no longer trust her. That she ruined that absolute faith I had in her.
But she didn't completely annihilate it. I spent the last week thinking that she destroyed it permanently. I couldn't function, or even survive, thinking that she had ruined us forever.
I feel terrible, for thinking the worst of her in regard to something so serious and important. I'm devastated for Bella and how she must of suffered, going through something like that alone. Really, all things considered, Bella is remarkably normal. Put together. She has had to deal with more shit in her short life than most.
I'm starting to believe her, when she says she's getting better.
Bella answered all my questions thoroughly and honestly. There was no badgering on my part required, and not once did she emotionally shut down, going into bitchy, defensive mode.
I still can't really get my head around the fact that she's been in Forks, my hometown, for the last year. I really should have stayed in touch better with people from high school. Although Bella somehow managed to get my parents to keep their mouths shut, so the chances of some random acquaintance from my youth letting me know were probably pretty slim.
Bella is friends Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley. I mean Newton. And Tyler Crowley. Tyler of all people. Alice's first boyfriend Tyler is now besties with my Bella.
I'm coming to terms with all that. I understand now her motivations for leaving, and although I'm still attempting to accept how much she kept from me, there is still a lot in that journal I hate.
But we have time. We don't have to talk about it now. We have time to deal with everything.
She looked so totally devastated when I told her I needed time to process and that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with her again, but she didn't argue. Bella just nodded solemnly like a brave little solider, facing up to her punishment.
Friends. Were Bella and I ever just friends? Not that I can recall.
Now is no different. I don't see her as a friend. I don't want to. Bella and I both recognize that this isn't permanent. Eventually, we will get to a point where we can be together again. I hope.
But it might take a little while.
I need to heal. I need to process. I need to understand. And most importantly I need to forgive her.
I left her less than an hour ago, and already I miss her desperately.
My phone buzzes in my back pocket, and I smile as I read the text. It's like she knew just what's going through my head.
Thank you
Pleased, albeit confused by her text, I type back a reply.
For what, love?
I send it before I can rethink referring to her as love.
For everything. For talking to me. For listening. For being my friend. For being you.
She really is going to make this friends thing real difficult.
Well, you're welcome. It was certainly enlightening. Goodnight for now. I'll call you after class tomorrow.
For the first time in a long time, I feel… hopeful.
Bella lies face down on my bed with her eyes closed. Her dark hair fans out around her head and she has a slight smile on her face. A sheet is draped strategically over her backside, low enough on her cheeks that the very top of her crack is exposed. Ass cleavage, Emmett calls it. Her back is completely naked, and I watch my fingertips walk down her spine before my thumbs press into the dimples above her ass and my hand finally slips under the sheet.
She sighs and scoots closer to me, flashing a little side boob in the process.
Even then, she was too skinny, and I can make out her ribs even though the footage is hardly HD.
"Open those big brown eyes, love," says my disembodied voice as the shot shifts slightly, zooming in on her face.
On screen Bella crinkles her nose and remains silent. I watch myself pull slightly of a stray lock, and she burrows deeper into the pillow.
"Edwaaaard," she whines, still not looking at me. "It's time for sleeping."
"I must have really worn you out," I say with a chuckle. "You have been sleeping forever."
She just hums and reaches out an arm, searching blindly for me until her hand lands on my knee. When she realizes I'm not lying beside her, she opens one eye.
Filmmaker Edward laughs at Bella's bemused pout, and present day me grins because she really is damn adorable.
"What are you doing!" She squeaks in surprise, sits up slightly, realizes the shift in position has left her left tit completely exposed, squeaks again as a blush blooms on her face, and pulls the comforter over her head. The camera shakes slightly with the reverberation of my deep laughter.
I have watched this video so many times in the last two years the movie itself is unnecessary. I could probably play the whole thing from memory in my head if I tried. But why would I do that when I could watch it – or its more hard-core counterparts – whenever I so choose?
I should have eradicated them from my hard drive and my memory long ago.
I shouldn't watch it. It is terribly unhealthy to watch it. But I can't sleep. My brain won't shut off because Bella has sufficiently packed it. I am on information overload.
This is the only way I can think of to clear my head. School starts tomorrow. I really need to be well rested, but instead I am watching amateur video of the woman who crushed my soul two years ago.
There is something very wrong with me.
Baby. James. Forks. Drugs. Baby. Love. Baby. Sex. Bella. Bella. Bella.
Bella. Bella on screen is still hiding under the down comforter, thrashing about as I poke her and try to pull away the blanket. We both laugh somewhat hysterically, but eventually I give up. She has created a little impenetrable fortress with the blanket.
"Come on, love," I say. The camera angle shifts as I lie down next her, keeping the focus on the mound that is her head. Her dark hair is not all the way covered and it contrasts to the white linens. "At least talk to me. I'm bored."
"Lets go do something, then," comes her muffled reply.
"Can't. It's a rainy Sunday morning," I reply, zooming in on the window at the far side of the room where sheets of rain are viable on the glass.
"What?" she says, sitting up next to me and looking past me to the outdoors. Unfortunately this time she clutches the sheet to her chest so I don't get a peek of anything good.
"See, raining," I say. "We aren't going anywhere today."
"I love the rain," she says, lying down. Her eyes fluctuate between the window and my face, but she purposefully avoids the camera. "It never rains. Seriously, Adonis, when was the last time it rained?"
Her eyes are wide and her face is innocent as she marvels at something as simple as rain. It's something I continue to admire in Bella; her ability to find joy in the simple even when her own life is chaotic.
On camera Bella beams at filmmaker Edward and reaches out to touch some part of his face.
"I love you," murmurs foolish, video Edward. I sigh heavily, finding his tone and desperation somewhat pathetic.
She blushes and sighs. "Come here," she whispers. The camera shifts foreword, but Bella momentarily covers the lens. "Put it away," she demands. Apparently her inner exhibitionist was feeling shy this particularly day.
Again there is a shift, and filmmaker me puts the camera on the bedside table, but neglects to turn it off. In the following shots we are really only visible from our shoulders up.
Bella laughs, rolling me over until I'm on my back beneath her. I tickle her sides and she continues to laugh, doubling over until her forehead touches mine. She screams uncle, and our laughter abates with my tickling, but our heavy breathing does not.
"You and that camera," she whispers. Our foreheads stay together, but it is apparent by our movement that there is a lot more touching going outside the shot. "Who knew Edward Cullen could be so damn kinky?"
I smirk up at her, but she gazes down at me with affection. At the time I thought I saw love in this look, and over the years I was forced to admit I was wrong. But now I'm rethinking everything. Or re-rethinking everything.
She slowly brings her lips to mine, the kiss is slow and steamy. It leaves us both gasping. I watch as we continue to move together. Even now, I can read every look on her face combined with every sound she makes and have a pretty good idea of what exactly is going on south.
Bella tugs on video Edward's hair and calls my name, causing me to shut my MacBook with much more force than necessary. I can't see the rest. I can't hear the rest. If I watch much more there will be no stopping me from rushing back to Boulder and jumping back into bed with Bella.
This would be highly unadvisable, and I truly believe that if we were to be together like that now, we would not last. It would lead to more heartbreak. And I don't think either of us can handle more heartbreak at this point.
What the hell was I thinking? Watching that video is the most supreme form of torture. But at least it ensures my dreams are pleasant when I finally fall asleep.
January 10, 2011
"Are you going to eat that, pixie?" Jake asks moments after the waiter set our plates down. He goes to steal a fry and is immediately smacked.
"Back off, mongrel. I ordered it, didn't I?" Alice snaps, scowling at him.
I'm still a little shocked that they showed up here at all. Well, not so much that they showed up but that they showed up together. Jake is pretty close with the guys, so he knows Alice well but they are certainly not friendly enough to be doing rescue missions together.
They dig in but I don't even touch my salad.
"Eat up, big twin," says Alice. "You have class in an hour, don't you?"
"Yeah," I reply. "But first you have to tell me what the hell you to are doing here. Together?"
They showed up at my apartment twenty minutes ago and dragged me to lunch with really no explanation.
"We both just happened to get on the same bus and have the same destination," explains Jake through a mouthful of veggie burger. I look on in distaste.
"Why were you coming to see me in the middle of the week? I talked to you both yesterday and told you that everything is fine now," I say.
"Yeah, but dude, before that you were on a week long bender and weren't answering your phone or your door. We are concerned!" says Jake.
"Bella was pretty much catatonic," Alice says, continuing to eat. "She went missing for a whole day and I nearly had a heart attack, even if I was furious and confused. I couldn't tell who I was more worried about."
"Yeah, that was a bad day," Jake agrees. "Found her sitting on the steps of Hallett. I think she was freaking people out. And she almost died from the fucking cold."
I really don't want to hear about this. I already feel plenty of guilt for not just listening to her sooner.
"So you talked to her?" I ask. "She told you everything that happened?"
They both nod sagely.
"Yeah, dude," says Jake. "Poor little Isabells. She's had to deal with a shit ton of fuckery. That year was particularly bad. With her dad and that the baby thing. I can't even imagine."
I murmur my agreement. "So you didn't know?" I ask Jake. "I mean, I know she called you while she was gone."
"Yeah, I heard from her a couple times but I had no idea," Jake replies. "At least I get why she left now. I knew there had to be more to the story. Girl would never be away from you willingly."
I'm a little taken aback. I thought I was the only one who was certain of her need for me. Before she left I was so positive that she loved me, but I thought I was the only one. But Jake knew too. Her best friend knew, so I couldn't have been that wrong.
"I'm still a little confused," says Alice. "How did Rosalie know? And why didn't she tell you? God, I could strangle her."
"Rosalie walked in on Bella taking a pregnancy test," I say, stuttering slightly. I have yet to get my head around all this. "I haven't talked to her. I don't know why she didn't tell me."
"Me neither," Alice says. "I am rather pissed at her for all the havoc she wrecked upon our us recently."
"What a fucked up situation," comments Jacob.
"Tell me about it," I agree.
"So what's the deal now?" asks my sister. "You guys talked for like seventeen hours the other day. Are you back together?"
"Ah, no," I reply, feeling awkward as I stab at my salad. "We are working on being friends again."
"When in the hell were you two friends?" demands Jake.
"You are totally getting back together!" squeaks Alice.
"No, we aren't—"
"Yes, you are. Not now. But you will soon," big twin insists, patting my hand in assurance.
I grin at her worlds and find myself actually enjoying lunch.
January 15, 2011
"Hey," I say, waving awkwardly and feeling irrationally nervous as I see Bella emerge from the bus station. Despite nightly phone calls, I have not seen her since our big talk. Now that everything is out in the open, our entire relationship seems new. I've lost the comfort. Even when we were first getting to know each other, there was none of this tension and doubt. I hope we can get back the easy motion at some point.
Bella stops a few feet in front of me, smiling coyly up at me from underneath her eyelashes. "Hi," she replies with a similar ridiculous wave. I return the smile, and progress to just stand there shuffling my feet like an idiot.
This shouldn't be so awkward. Everything is out in the open now, and there is absolutely no reason for this to be so strange. But I suppose we have never really been friends before and therefore have absolutely no idea what we're doing.
After we are silent for an uncomfortable amount of time, we both chuckle nervously.
"This is ridiculous," Bella mutters, blushing furiously. I nod in agreement.
"Come here," I reply, opening my arms and taking a step towards her. She lets out a little giggle before throwing her arms around my neck. I lift her slightly off the ground to bring her closer, squeezing her waist.
"I missed you," I whisper in her ear.
"Really?" Bella replies. "That's good because I missed you too."
She kisses my cheek, and I set her down.
"What are we doing today?" she asks, pulling on a pair of sunglasses to ward of the bright winter sun. It's unseasonably warm, and all she wears is a grey long sleeve v-neck that clings to every curve.
"Whatever you want," I reply. "Tonight I do have studying to do, but today I'm all yours."
"Excellent," she says, grabbing my hand and dragging me into the heart of the city. "Well, I want to go to the art museum. I here King Tut is chillin' there these days. And after that we can get you some spicy ethnic food. My treat."
Like I would let her pay for anything, but I will tackle that argument when we get to it.
All awkward dissipates as we stroll the city hand in hand, meandering towards the museum. I'm not sure if friends are supposed to hold hands, but in this moment I don't particularly care. For the first time, I really just focus on the now with Bella. I don't dwell on the past. I live in the moment and enjoy it.
January 29, 2011
"Look at you," I say, grinning at Bella in the bright Colorado morning sun as we jog through a swanky neighborhood just north of the house on Goss. "You seem to have no problem keeping up with me. So either you've gotten better or I've gotten worse."
"And look at you," she replies, huffing slightly. "Up before noon."
My laughing makes it difficult for me to stay with her pace for a moment, but I quickly compose myself and fall in stride at her side again.
"I'm a motherfuckin' track star these days," she says. "Since I quit smoking."
"Quit smoking?" I ask, raising an eyebrow in skepticism.
"I did quit!" she defends, her stride now faltering slightly as she huffs with indignation. "I only smoke when I'm really, really stressed."
"You're been smoking around me a lot," I mutter, pushing our pace again because I feel so guilty.
"Well, there was a couple really stressful weeks there if you recall," I reply. "But it could have been worse. You really are one understanding guy."
I chuckle with self-deprecation. "Bella, I refused to talk to you but slept with you anyway. It was the pinnacle of assholedom, and I apologize profusely."
"Dude, that is what I did you years with you so it was all deserved. You gave me a taste of my own medicine, and it was what you needed to do. So don't sweat it," she replies, stunning me with her smile.
I return her grin, pleased that we have the ease between us back. But I can't help but be concerned.
A storm is brewing. We are in the eye now, but eventually we are going to have to discuss her time away. We are going to have to discuss James. I hope we can maintain this ease when we finally do.
February 5, 2011
"So…" Bella says in a tone so overly cautious, I glance up from my case study to look at her. "Something… silly happened to me."
We sit together at The Laughing Goat, drinking free coffee. She scribbles away in her journal while I study BioChem. I have so much work to do, and told her I would have to spend the majority of the weakened studying but Bella says she just likes being around me. We don't have to do anything at all.
"Really?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her in confusion. Her nervousness is absolutely adorable, and I want to kiss her. I spend most of the time I'm with her trying to not kiss her. For the most part I am mostly successful. Instead, I lean across the table and use my thumb to remove her lip from her teeth.
"Yeah. So I've told you about this regular customer, John?"
"John?" I hiss. Bella has indeed told me about fucking John. Nice guy. Likes to talk books with her while she baristas. Obviously, I hate him.
"Yeah. John. Well, yesterday he was in the shop as I was getting off and we started talking and we ended up walking to the library. I got some books. You, know, library things." She is rambling. That means she is really nervous. I don't want her to be nervous because it is making me nervous. "I thought we were just hanging out. Like, you know, buddies. But then as we were leaving…"
My pencil snaps in half with the strength of my grip. "What, Isabella?" I demand in a low voice.
"Well," she says, gulping audibly. "He may or may not have… you know."
"No I don't!" I yell, completely losing it at the thought of someone else touching Bella. Several heads turn in our direction, and I remind myself to behave in Bella's place of work. "I don't know anything!" I whisper yell instead.
"Edward, clam down. He tried to kiss me, that's it!" she assures me, chuckling slightly at the sight of me completely losing my shit.
"That's… that's it? That's kinda a fucking lot, don't you think?" I say with a low hiss, glowering at her. How the fuck could she be doing this to me? I thought we were making progress. What the fuck is she trying to prove, telling me this shit? That she can have whoever she wants? That she doesn't need me? Because we have all always known that.
I remember that we have yet to talk about James or any aspects of her time away besides the baby. It's something we need to discuss, but we are both avoiding the subject. Things have been so great in the last month neither of us wants to disturb the peace. But if Bella thinks it's kosher for her to be kissing random dudes, than perhaps we should have had this conversation a long time ago.
"Edward, notice I said tried," she continues, rolling her eyes at me. "He tried to kiss me. And I very awkwardly leapt away from him, squeaking like your sister."
"So you didn't let him kiss you?" I ask, still scowling. I've seen her let people kiss her before, and I hated it.
"No, of course not," she says, scoffing. "But he did have some very good questions for me after I awkwardly rejected him."
"Such as?"
"Well, he asked if I was seeing anyone," she says slowly.
"And you answered?" I prompt.
"Not technically. I told him I was not technically seeing anyone, but that I'm not interested in dating anyone either," she says.
"Not interested in anyone, huh?" I tease, earning myself a punch in the arm.
"Shut up," she says, scowling now. "You know very well there is only one person I'm interested but he is just a friend."
"You know you're not allowed to date anyone, right?" I ask, poking my finger in her face and sounding like a schoolteacher. "Or hook up or anything like that."
"Allowed!" she huffs, smacking my hand away as she glares. "Allowed? No one has told me what I'm allowed to do since I was a fucking ten years old."
"Don't care. I'm telling you now. You are not allowed to date anyone else. Am I clear?" I demand.
"Are… Am… I... CLEAR!" She is so obviously flustered and sputters at me in her shock. I like surprising her.
"Yeah. You're not allowed. Don't do it." I'm fully prepared to put up with some more arguments and some punching, but instead she takes a large breath before observing me thoughtfully.
"You don't want me to date anyone else," she states.
"No, of course not," I reply.
"But that's a little strange, being as we are just friends right?" she presses.
"For now," I mutter, bending my head back to my books again.
After a few minutes Bella still hasn't responded, so I glance back up at her, wary. I'm pleased to see her grinning at me. I can't help but grin back, because we are making progress. I can actively feel us healing.
"You're not allowed either," she says, still smiling as she goes back to scribbling in her journal.
"Pardon?" I ask, looking at her in confusion.
"You're not allowed to date anyone else either. If I'm not allowed, than you're not allowed. Not that I want to see anyone, but still. You can't go dating anyone or I will go completely crazy," she says.
"Okay," I agree.
"You're fuckin' hot when you're bossy," she mutters with a slight chuckle, causing me to flush. I want to mount her on this very public tabletop.
But I don't.
February 18, 2011
BPOV
"You're awfully smiley today, young lady," Alice says, breezing into the kitchen just as I set a plate full of pancakes on the table in front of her usual seat. Late breakfast has become a routine for the two of us. My shift at the Goat doesn't usually start until eleven, and Alice sleeps the whole morning away before heading to her studio around the time I leave. We dine together before walking downtown to work.
It's lovely. I didn't realized how much I missed Alice until I got back.
"Am I? I ask, feigning ignorance as I take the seat across from her.
"Any reason in particular?" she asks, trying not to laugh at me.
I smile into my coffee, and ignore the pixie. We both know the reason I'm in such a damn good mood.
"You love struck little hussy," Alice says, giggling at me for real now. "You're excited because little twin is coming up this weekend."
I blush and giggle and beam, generally acting like a smitten fool.
"You're different," Alice says abruptly after several minutes of silence and chewing.
"Thanks," I reply, grinning again.
"I like it," she continues.
"Me too," I agree.
"I have a very good feeling about you and Edward." Again, I'm grinning like a loon because Alice's feelings have a way of coming true.
We go back to eating in silence, but this time I'm the one who interrupts the peace. "Alice, you're married."
"Yeah," she says with a snort. "Last time I checked. Two and a half years, baby."
"And you happy?"
"Yes," Alice replies immediately. "It's not perfect, but I am so ridiculously in love with that man."
"I've always wondered why you didn't kick us all out after graduation," I say. "Don't you want your space to be all married at shit?"
"Oh, yeah," Alice says after finishing off the scrambled eggs I lovingly prepared her. "But Jasper and I decided before we got married to give life after a college a go the real way."
"Real way?" I ask, raising my eyebrow in confusion.
"Real as in on our own. We haven't touched either of our trust funds, and Boulder is a fucking expensive town to live in," Alice explains. "Emmett doesn't want to get a place of their own until Rose agrees to marry him, so who knows how long they will be here."
"And now you've got me," I say, nodding in understanding.
Alice snorts. "Not for long."
"What?" I ask. She has lost me again.
"There is no way you are going to stay in Boulder long," she says, looking at me like her words are obvious. I am immediately hurt, but decide to go with anger instead because I'm still not very good at showing weakness. Dr. Jones, my new shrink that is much nicer than dearest Charlotte, says its something I need to work on.
"What the fuck, Alice?" I yell, banging a fist on the table in my anger. Dishes clatter, and Alice stares at me in shock, but I'm on a roll. "You've been totally supportive and loving since I got back! Was all that 'Oh, I'm so glad you're home,' defending me to Rose crap just an act? I mean, what the fuck. I'm not going any fucking where! And I pretty tired of being treated like a flight risk!"
I'm seething and breathing heavily by the end of my spiel.
"Bella," Alice snaps, eyes narrowed at me. "I simply meant that you are going to get pretty tired of being thirty miles from Edward pretty quick. Stop being such a drama queen."
"Oh, sorry" I mutter, blushing and feeling like an idiot. "And Edward and I are just friends at the moment. I mean, well, not just friends. But technically just friends."
"For now," she says, echoing her brother's words and rising from the table. She clears the dishes and leaves me feeling even happier than when I woke up this morning.
Alice finishes the dishes and disappears upstairs to get ready for her day in the studio. I find Waldo, curled up in his favorite spot behind the family room couch, right smack on top of a heating vent. He's cranky for a moment as I pull him out, but eventually he purrs as I sit on the couch and settle him on my lap.
"There's Waldo," I coo a moment before the doorbell rings. This is a very odd because no one ever rings the doorbell. Ever. People just stroll on in, typically.
I hear Alice's quick footsteps thudding on the stairs and her bellowed, "I've got it!" Waldo's eyes go even more cross-eyed as I scratch his favorite spot behind his ear.
"Bella," Alice yells from the front door "You have a visitor!"
Puzzled, I pick up a purring Waldo and make my way to my guest. It's strange. I can tell by the tone of Alice's voice that she doesn't know the stranger at the door, nor is she too pleased by the mystery visitor. Alice and I have all the same friends, know all the same people. Who the fuck could possibly be at the door?
I emerge from the hall to see Alice glaring at a hippie girl with a crop of flaming, curly hair.
"Maggie?" I ask in disbelief, my mouth falling open in astonishment. I haven't seen my friend in over year, and she wasn't too pleased about my hasty departure. She turns at the sound of my voice, squeals, and launching herself at me. I laugh in shock as she hugs the shit out of me. Poor Waldo gets caught in the middle of our reunion, and hisses in distaste.
"Oh my good God," she exclaims, clutching her bosom dramatically. I take in her gauzy shirt, flowing skirts, and hemp accessories. "Is this the legendary Waldo? Lord, you weren't lyin' when you said he was a touch cross-eyed. Didn't believe you till now. This house is lovely, just as you described it. Though I did imagine Alice here being a bit taller."
I grimace as Alice huffs and crosses her arms over her chest.
"Yes, Bella," Ali snaps. "I was just meeting your 'very best friend on the planet'."
"Right. Yes. This is Maggie," I stutter, trying to defuse the awkward situation. "We met in, uh... Florida I guess. And Mags, this is Alice…"
"Bella's very best friend in the universe." Alice shakes Maggie's hand much harder than necessary. "Anyway, I'm going to work. See you later, Bells."
"What are you doing here, Maggie?" I ask, deciding to ignore all the fucking awkward happening all over the place. "Where's Liam?"
"Fiddlin' 'bout with the van," she explains dismissively. "We settled in San Fran for awhile. Got bored, you know how it goes. Went up to Forks, 'bout a month ago. Lookin' for you. Imagine our delight when we heard you went home to Colorado."
"Yeah, you must have just missed me. I've only been home for a couple months."
Maggie throws her arms around me again, and I let Waldo wiggle away as I return her hug. "You look ravishin', Isabella. So happy," she whispers in my ear.
"Workin' on it," I reply. "Want to walk me to work?"
Although my last memory of Maggie is not exactly pleasant, and I was highly disappointed in her at the time, that one bad moment doesn't negate the many good memories. I owe her a lot. Not only was it her suggestion that inspired me to seek professional help, but she also showed me what I absolutely do not want in life. Maggie and Renee are the same breed, and my time being a nomad taught me once and for all that I'm not like them.
So I'm not exactly overjoyed to see my old friend, but I don't really mind. I feel like I owe her something still.
"I suppose," Maggie says with a sigh. "But what I'd really like to do is meet this lad of yours."
"He's not mine," I reply. "We're still working everything out."
"No more lies?" she asks, looking stern.
"No more lies," I reply with a smile. "Walkin' now, Mags."
Rosalie walks in to the coffee shop right as I remove my apron to take my dinner break.
For a moment I consider leaping behind a counter to hide from her. She must have wandered in to the wrong coffee shop and forgotten I work here. We haven't talked in the month and a half since she wrongly disclosed my pregnancy story in the worst possible way.
Bitch.
And even though we live together and shit we manage to do a pretty damn good job avoiding each other. Her hours are much more regular than mine, so it's not hard to do.
"Bella," Rosalie says, demanding my attention and marching straight up to me. Apparently she does indeed have the right coffee shop.
"Sup," I reply with a head nod.
"When do you have a break?" she asks, glancing at her watch and stomping her high heel clad foot. She obviously stopped in on her way home from work if her shockingly professional fucking wardrobe is any indication.
Sometimes, I don't think I even know Rose at all anymore.
High waist pencil skirt, silky looking grey blouse, monster pumps. Nothing is recognizable of the hemp wearin', pot smokin', hippie chick I used to pal around with. Well, except her extreme bitchiness.
"Uh now?" I raise my eyebrow at her in confusion. What the fuck is her deal? She is acting like the last two years didn't happen. Like I didn't abandon her without an explanation and she didn't cause Edward unnecessary pain with her little New Year's announcement.
"Good." She turns abruptly on her heel, marching to the back of the shop and taking a seat at a table in the corner.
I blink at her in surprise. I suppose this means I should follow her.
A little dumbfounded and not wanting to deal with this today, I shuffle my feat towards her, plopping heavily in the seat across from her and sipping morosely on my English tea steamer.
She just stares at me and I shift uncomfortably under her gaze, continuing to fiddle with my mug just to have something to occupy my hands.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I ask finally. I can't take the silence and the staring anymore.
Rose bounces her knee under the table and bites her thumbnail.
Ah, the unflappable Ms. Hale is flapped. I get an odd sense of joy out of her nerves and discomfort.
We go back to silence, and I plot my escape.
I start to rise, but Rose gives me the death glare and waves her hand in my general fucking direction. With a sigh I sit back down.
"Just give me a minute," she snaps, yanking her long, glorious hair into a messy bun at the top of her head. Now she is starting to look a wee bit like her old self.
"Dude, I gots shit to deal with," I say, completely exasperated by this entire situation and all the crap I've already had to deal with today. The appearance of Maggie. The tension with Alice. Cranky customer after cranky customer.
At least Edward will be here tonight.
"Fine," she says with a huff. "I came here to talk to you."
"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock."
"Must you make this so difficult?" she asks through clenched teeth.
"Must you waste my only break of my shift?" I snap back.
Rose lets out a frustrated growl and goes back to gnawing on her nail.
"Just say what you came here to say," I suggest.
She mumbles something under her breath, and I grin when I realize she is muttering a long over do apology.
I'm gonna have to fuck with her.
"What was that, Rosie?" I say, cupping my hand around my ear.
"I'm sorry," she whispers again, scowling at me.
"Pardon?" I ask, leaning closer and grinning manically.
"I'm sorry." The words are clear now, even if they are spoken through a clenched jaw and a fierce scowl.
"Didn't quite get that," I reply, pleased when sparks practically fly out of her ears.
"I'M FUCKING SORRY!" she bursts out, causing the heads of patrons to snap towards us and me to laugh loudly.
"What?" I ask again through my belly laugh, just to be completely ridiculous.
Rosalie just growls.
I continue to chuckle until she calms down to speak again.
"Bella," she says, taking a deep breath. "I am sorry for getting drunk and falsely accusing you something horrible and causing Edward to freak out and drink himself silly for a week. Also I am sorry that I didn't do anything to fix it in the aftermath and choosing to hide in shame instead. And for it taking me so long to set aside my pride and apologize."
"Wow," I say, genuinely surprised. Rose is just like I was in a lot of ways. The show no weakness, never open up, apologizes are for sissies type. Apparently I'm not the only one who has done some serious changin' recently.
"I know," she replies, exhaling and sitting back against the back of her chair as if she is suddenly exhausted.
"Dude, that was so many I'm sorrys," I say, still gaping at her in shock.
"I know," she says, her whole body shuddering in angst at the unpleasant memory of having to say sorry.
I pat her back as she calms down. "You okay there, champ? That must have been tough."
"Indeed," she hisses at me as she regains her composure.
"You mean it?" I ask.
"Yup," she replies, looking much more comfortable now that she is done with the apologies.
"Thanks," I reply, smiling. It really sucks, not talking to Rosalie. She is a complete raving bitch most of the time, but I get her. Usually. She is my Rosie, and I was never too good at staying mad at her.
"Your welcome." Her voice is hard again and she crosses her arms over her chest.
"You know you are going to have to do this whole apology thing again with Edward, right?" I ask, making sure she does the right thing.
Without her interference Edward would have been spared all that pain and the drinking binge. He would have known the truth from the get go. Although, to be fair, Edward was in hard core denial mode and who knows how long it would have actually taken me to get up the courage to force him to listen.
"Yeah," she says with a sigh. "I know."
Rosalie did fuck up major. But the whole situation isn't her fault. It's mine.
"I'm sorry too," I tell her. Now I'm the one who's all uncomfortable. "For just leaving and not calling and shit. We we're just getting back to where we were before the whole Jake debacle."
"Bitch, sleeping with my boyfriend," she hisses, eyes narrowed at me in hate.
I glare back for a moment before we both burst into semi hysterical giggles.
"You are never going to admit you were wrong about that one, huh?" I ask, chuckling and shaking my head at her.
"I'm not wrong," she says, giggling as well. "I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but I missed you, Bells."
"Same, Rosie-Posie. Same."
I am still thinking about the truce with Rose an hour later when a velvet voice interrupts my behind-the-cash-register musings.
"I'll have a medium triple shot Americano for here, ma'am."
With an embarrassingly girly squeal, I run around the counter and wrap my arms around his neck. He lifts me off the ground, chuckling at my enthusiasm.
"You know, sometimes this new, bright, happy to see me Bella really freaks me out," he says when he sets me down, and I return to my station at the cash register. My co-workers look at me like I've sprouted extra limbs.
"Would you prefer me to go back to dark and sullen?" I ask, smirking as I cue up his complimentary drink.
"Hell no," he scoffs, furrowing his brow and looking adorable. "I like you happy. I'm just not use to it yet."
"But you plan to be in the future?" I inquire hopefully.
"Of course, Isabella," he assures me, giving me that panty-dropping grin. I like that he is always so quick to sooth my fears about where we are headed relationship wise.
"And I'm only bright and happy with you," I assure him. "Everyone else still has to put up with dark and sullen Bella."
"I'm perfectly okay with that."
"You're early," I pout glancing behind Edward, relieved to see no customers entering the shop. "I don't get off for another two hours."
"I know. I thought I would get a drink and do some studying," he replies. "Free up more time to spend with you this weekend."
"Excellent."
When I get off at eight, Edward walks me home. He talks about his last week at school. I talk about my week at work. He only got one question wrong on a biochemistry test, and I cooked dinner for Phil and his girlfriend Nina. At some point, a biker gets a little too close to me, and Edward pulls me to his side to get me out of harms way. He keeps his arm around my shoulder the rest of the way home.
The night is unseasonably warm and we stroll home, enjoying the stars and each other.
Edward is laughing at my reenactment of Jasper and Emmett's most recent kitchen brawl as we approach the house. He abruptly stops when he sees the people seated on the front steps.
"Hello," he says, sounding wary. I tear my gaze away from Edward's stunning face to see Maggie and Liam passing a pipe back and forth.
Shit. In my Edward induced fog and after my talk with Rose, I completely forgot the appearance of my nomad friends. Maggie this morning seemed to bring up a whole bunch of issues with Alice we have yet to discuss. I don't know how Edward will take it. He read my journal. He is definitely not happy about all the drugs, or Maggie's view that James is the guy for me.
I'm a fucking moron, forgetting to warn him.
"Well, 'ello there!" Maggie shouts when we approach. "Lordy, Liam. Look at 'em. Did you know a man could be that good lookin'?"
Liam, as is the usual, doesn't speak. He just nods and goes back to his weed.
"I think you seriously down played the hotness, Isa," Maggie scolds.
"I told you he was a Greek god," I mutter, grabbing Edward's hand to keep it from running through his hair for the hundredth time since we happened upon the Irish couple.
"Uh, Bella?" Edward asks, looking horribly lost and adorable at the same time.
"Oh, right," I say. "Sorry. Edward, sweetheart, this is Maggie and Liam. I told you about them, remember?"
"Indeed," he replies, moving away to shake Maggie's hand and then Liam's. His movements are stiff and formal while his face remains stoic. To most people, he would seem perfectly impassive, but he can't hide from me. I know he's upset. "Pleasure to meet you both."
My nomad friends look a little bemused at his detached politeness and his somewhat nerdy button up, sweater vest combo visible from beneath his grey pea coat.
"We've just heard all 'bout you from our Isa here," Maggie gushes.
"Likewise," Edward murmurs. I wrap my arms around his waist and try to make him feel better.
"You're not quite like I imagined," Maggie continues. "Little more on the straight and narrow, am I right, Liam?"
"That's what makes the sex so good," I explain, grinning because I succeed in making Edward blush. He is so pretty when he blushes. He shakes his head at me as Maggie laughs.
"We have so much catchin' up to do, little Isa," croons Maggie, standing from her seat on the steps and pulling Liam up with her. "Liam, don't be rude. Offer them the spliff. You were right, Isa. Really good shit here, yeah?"
Edward looks on in disapproval, and I shake my head. "Naw, I don't do all that anymore."
"Pardon?" asks Maggie, blinking at me in confusion. "Don't do what?"
"You know," I reply with a shrug. "Drugs and shit."
"Drugs and shit?" Maggie repeats slowly, still not getting it.
I laugh and pat her shoulder.
"My, my," she muses as if she isn't totally buying what I'm telling her. "How you've changed in the last year or so. You still drink? Don't you?" Now Maggie looks downright horrified.
"On occasion," I reply.
"Exc'lent, you must join us. We're meetin' James downtown for drinks at somewhere called the, what was it, Liam? Ah, the Walrus something or other," she says.
Immediately, I look to Edward in worry. James is still a very touchy subject that we have yet to discuss in detail. Until now, we've been doing a damn good job forgetting the guy even exists.
I am totally unsurprised to see the lethally angry look on my boy's face. Jaw clenched, eyes narrowed, hands balled into fists at his sides. He mutters a low "excuse me" before stalking up the stairs, slamming the front door, and disappearing into the house.
I sigh heavily and scowl at Maggie.
"Was it something I said?" The look on her face is far too innocent. She did that on purpose, the little bitch.
"Really, Maggie? Fucking really? Why did you have to bring up James?" I demand, stomping my foot and throwing a bit of a tantrum.
"Do what?"
"Don't you blink those big eyes at me," I snap, jabbing my finger in my face. "You purposefully upset him."
"Well, someone's awfully sensitive. Plus, got rid of the wet noodle, didn't I?" she says. I want to slap the grin off her face, but somehow I manage to refrain.
"I don't want to get rid of him," I say, seething. "And he's no fucking wet noodle!"
"Don't be daft, Isa," Maggie dismisses. "Now the real fun can begin. Come on then, lets go meet James."
"No!" I say, horrified. "Fuck no."
"Why not? Don't you want to catch up with the whole gang back together?" Maggie looks shocked by my reluctance.
"No," I repeat. She looks hurt but I can't find it in me to care. "That's not my life anymore."
"But we had so much fun," she whines. "Did you have fun with us?"
"I guess," I reply, shrug. For me, the moments of fun were few and far between. "But that was all a big distraction. I was aimless and all the time I knew something was missing. That man that you just pissed off? He is my heart."
"Don't be so dramatic," Maggie says with a scoff. "How can he possibly even know you? When he gets all uppity about a little pot."
I really, really want to scream at her that she is the one that doesn't know me. The way she is talking like she has seen my soul makes me want to drag her by the hair to the van, shove her in it, and demand that she drive away forever.
But I'm trying to be an adult, so I refrain.
"Listen, Maggie," I say, quickly losing patience. "It's good to see you, but I'm not going to party with you. I want to be with Edward."
"But you can see him all the time. We're only in town for a bit. Didn't you miss us?" she asks, glaring at me now.
Nope. Not at all, actually.
"Not like I missed Edward," I reply quietly. She looks like she can't decide if she is angry or hurt, so I give her a hug. "I do want to catch up with you, Mags. Just not tonight. And not with James."
I send them on their way, and set off in search for Edward. I find him sitting on the edge of his (my) bed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes squeezed shut.
"So what did you want to do tonight?" I ask when I enter the room, trying to remain casual.
"Oh, so you're not planning on meeting dearest James at the Walrus with your best friends Maggie and Liam, the druggies?" he snaps, scowling at me.
"Edward," I say through a sigh. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Seriously, it's fine. You can go," he says, sounding anything but fine. "The Walrus is the biggest shit hole in Boulder, but whatever. Have fun."
"Don't get all passive aggressive on me."
"I'm not," he insists.
"Baby," I say, sitting next to him on the bed. "If I wanted to be there with those people, I would be. Shit, I would still be living out of the back of that bus. But I was miserable with them, remember?"
He just shrugs off the comforting hand I place on his shoulder and continues to scowl.
"Why didn't you tell me they were here?" he asks after we sit in silence for a few minutes.
"I forgot," I tell him honestly. "They showed up right before I went to work, and I just spaced it. I only have room in my head for you when you're in the area."
He smiles despite himself before rearranging his face back into a glare.
"Plus, this thing happened with Rose today. She actually apologized and I think we may be friends again. You should probably expect an apology soon. Although I don't know if she'll actually be able to get the words out. She may have used up all her sorrys on me. It was pretty funny actually. She—"
"Isabella," he says, interrupting me. "You're babbling."
"We've never really talked about any of it," I burst out, finally saying what I really want to say and lifting my hand tentatively to run it through his hair. "You read about it, but we never really talked about it."
"You have more to say?" he asks.
"I just never really explained," I reply, pleased that he's let me touch him. "I didn't plan to leave you, didn't think I could. It was a stupid, spur of the moment decision that seemed necessary at the time. And it's not like I choose James. He happened upon me at my lowest moment, and I used him as a means to escape myself. It was a terrible decision, Edward. And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you. You, I chose. You, I continue to choose."
I know I've said this before, but it doesn't seem like he is totally getting it so I'll just have to keep repeating myself till he believes me.
Turning to look at me, he stares at me for a long moment before attacking my mouth with his. I squeak in surprise because we're friends now and we certainly don't do this, as he pushes me back against the mattresses. The intensity, passion, and violent need in his kiss has my breath hitching. The shivers consume my skin as I close my eyes and meet his fervor.
It's been a really long time, more than a month since he found out the truth about everything and we (ahem, he) decided to slow down, to approach our relationship like adults. We've done a damn fine job thus far. When we visit each other, we are affectionate but don't even share a bed. It is all very safe, or at least it was until this point.
This kiss is fucking dangerous.
I groan when his mouth moves to my neck, lingering on all the sensitive spots he knows I like. His fingers make quick work of the buttons on my flannel shirt, while mine tangle in his hair. Edward's lips continue to move down, down, down, but when he gets to the button of my jeans, I somehow find the strength to be rational.
"Edward, shit," I manage with in a low, breathy voice. "We talked about not doing this, remember?"
That's all I got. Ball's in his court now. If he's down, then I am so totally fucking down. Downtown Bobby Brown down.
With a frustrated growl, he lets his head rest against my stomach. "I hate it when you're right," he grumbles, breath tickling my naval and causing me to shake a little.
"Fuck, so do I," I agree, still panting slightly.
We lay in silence as out heart rates settle and we get a hold of our lust. Eventually, Edward crawls up the bed to lie on his side next to me. With a gentle tug on my arm, I roll to face him.
"I just acted like an ass, didn't I?" he inquires. I smile and kiss his nose.
"A little. Though it was very hot," I reply, eyes fluttering closed when he reaches out to trace the planes of my face with his fingertips.
"I don't like Maggie much," he murmurs, moving from my face to re-button my shirt. Unfortunately.
"Yeah, I'm beginning to agree with you on that one. She was what I needed at the time, and she did convince me to try the whole therapy thing, but she didn't like it when actually took steps to get better."
"What a bitch," Edward says, and I laugh loudly.
"I think she had this juvenile vision of the four of us traveling together for years before settling down somewhere. She's lonely with Liam," I explain.
"Is that what it was like then?" he asks, somehow managing to stay calm. "Like two couples?"
"Naw," I assure him. "James was barely my friend. There was never anything romantic between us. But he wasn't awful to me, Edward. And he's not a totally terrible person. Just mostly terrible."
These words prove too much for Edward, because he is scowling again and sitting up, putting unwanted distance between us.
"You still haven't forgiven me for any of it," I say, staring at the lines of his back as he shuffles to rest his legs off the side of the bed. "Have you?"
He doesn't reply but his silence is telling.
"That's okay," I continue, knowing that he's listening. "I don't deserve your forgiveness yet. I did horrible, selfish things to you, and I understand why you can't forgive me yet. Or trust me, for that matter. I can tell that every time you see me, you're a little surprised. Like you thought I was going to suddenly take off."
His shoulders sag, but still he says nothing. I move, positioning myself behind him. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I lay my head on his back and rest my legs outside his. His butt is nestled against my crotch, and I resist the urge to grind into him.
Krishna, I want to fuck him so terribly much.
"And I'm willing to do the leg work to change that," I say, squeezing him tight. I feel nauseous at what I'm about to say. "I'm willing to devote months, years, all the time you need to earning your trust and your forgiveness, but I have to know. Do you think you can do it?"
"What do you mean?" he replies, answering my question with a question.
"Do you think that you can ever forgive me? Or is all this just going to lead to more heartbreak?" The words tumble out of my mouth, and I shut my eyes. I'm so scared he'll say no. "Because I if you can't… Well, if you don't think you can forgive me, than this is all just a waste of time. This is just going to make it that much harder to move on. For both of us. But if there is any chance at all than I am more than willing to take things slow. If there is even a glimmer of a hope of a chance that you will someday forgive me than I am willing to fight for it."
He grabs my arm, pulling me into his lap and holding me close. With a finger under my chin, he tilts my face to his, and I force my eyes open.
"Yes, Isabella," he says, reassuring me. "We'll get there. I'll get there."
I am so relieved to hear this, I kiss him again without giving much thought to the consequences.
We combust.
The environment is still full of tension from Edward's lingering anger about my time with the nomads, our earlier little make out session, and my terror of the prospect of losing him before I really get him back. All this manifests itself in a fucking explosion of lust, and we attack each other; hips grinding, lips clashing, teeth nibbling, tongues probing and hands searching.
It's intense, borderline violent, and once again our combined need spirals out of control.
Not satisfied with the contact in our position with me on his lap, Edward basically throws me back onto the bed. He immediately lays his body down on mind, pushing me into the mattress. Pelvises move in time with each other, setting a punishing pace that isn't fucking enough because we are still clothed. This serious bit of dry humping continues as Edward moves his mouth to my neck and then my chest. I groan in pleasure, using my hands on his ass to pull him tightly against me. For a moment, I think I might come from this alone. The feel of him through our layers of clothing is driving me crazy.
Face between my tits, he utters my name with the reverence of a prayer.
It fucking terrifies me.
There is a reason we decided to take things slow this time. We need time to get used to each other again. There is still so much that we haven't discussed yet. I am scared that doing what we are about to do will rob us of the chance to build a strong foundation. This is important to Edward, and I can't ruin it because I'm horny.
Somehow I manage the strength to once again in less than fucking twenty minutes to halt the action my body fucking demands.
"Stop," I say breathlessly, pushing at his shoulder weakly. My feeble protest is ignored, and Edward keeps grinding into me. His hips move circularly, hitting a particularly throbbing spot several times. My eyes flutter closed and for a moment I forget what my mission is.
"Edward," I say, louder and surer this time. I force my traitor body to lie flat on the bed and stop responding to him. It's almost fucking impossible. "You have to stop."
Again, I'm ignored.
Desperate and knowing that if this goes on any longer and I get any closer to orgasm, I won't be able to summon the strength to stop. And it seems important that we stop.
So I get a little drastic and push him off me with enough force to send him to the floor. He lands with a thud and a grunt, but does not emerge from the side of the bed for a long time.
As he takes a moment on the floor to collect himself, I attempt to do the same. My body is screaming in protest. I was so fucking close. How could I do that? I'm a little impressed with myself, but my body is pissed.
I bet it would take less than two fucking minutes for me to slip my hands in my panties and relieve the situation myself.
That is a terrible thought to be having with Edward so close. I'm not safe yet.
My erratic breathing and need has not abated when his head pops up from the side of the bed. Still, he doesn't speak as he stares at me with a combination of lust, irritation, and resignation.
"I gotta go," I say in a rush, shuffling back as far as I can from Edward. I sit on my hands to keep myself from touching him again. I want nothing more than to start back up right the fuck where we left off.
"Go where?" he asks, his breath still labored. "This is your room."
"Right." Sometimes I still forget that this indeed is my room.
"I should probably be the one to go," he says. We stare at each other for another moment. He obviously doesn't want to go anymore than I want him too, but I don't see another option. I'm on the verge of complete incineration, and if he lingers much longer I won't be able to keep it together. I want him, so badly the distance between us physically hurts me.
"Yeah. Probably. Definitely. Go." My speech is disjointed as my hands fists in the sheets below me and I squeeze my eyes tightly shut.
Seriously. So fucking close.
I hear Edward shuffle and feel the shift in the mattress, indicating that he used it to help him stand. That means he is on his way out. Which is good. In theory. I feel no relief at his departure.
"I think a shower is in order," he mutters. The distress in his voice prompts me to open one eye and peek at him. His face is scrunched up like something unpleasant resides under his nose, while his hand tugs at his hair.
The visual of Edward naked and wet is not helping, and I fail to contain the little whimper in my throat. "Get the fuck out!" I demand.
"A long, long shower," he amends, basically sprinting to the door. I punch a pillow, and Edward stops with his hand on the doorknob. "You know what I mean, right?"
Gah. Edward naked and wet and thinking about me as he touches himself.
"Of course I know what you mean, you moron," I say, groaning and basically ripping my sheets off the mattress in my distress. He exits the room only to reenter a moment latter. "Seriously, Edward. You're fucking killing me here."
"Do you think you'll take a shower too?" he asks, looking mischievous now with his smirking and his eyebrow wagging and his general sexiness. That cocksucker.
"Edward…" I say in warning. This is totally unfair. He is the one that has imposed this sex embargo, and now he's fucking tormenting me.
"I was just curious," he says, putting his hands up and trying to appear innocent. "I mean, the thought of you giving yourself a hand will really reduce my need to waste water with a long shower. I think I could be in and out in less than five minutes."
"Edward! Fucking get out!" I shriek, throwing a pillow at him and missing completely.
Sighing heavily and pouting, he turns to leave again. My lady bits scream out in protest, and it is very hard work to not beg him to stay.
"Edward?" I say tentatively just as he is about to disappear. He glances back at me, looking wary and lusty all at once. "I fully intend on giving myself a hand."
He growls and takes a step towards me as I brace myself for impact. But then he sprints off.
So I get myself off in like two seconds before smoking the majority of a pack of cigarettes. They were supposed to last me another nine days. I've been rationing and cutting back, but sexual frustration is driving me to nicotine.
Aw, fuck nuts. I'm growing to really hate this friends crap.
Thoughts? Bella and Edward are kinda friendship failures, huh? What do we think of the Rose apology? Demanding Edward? Maggie?
Let me know! Or not.