Here is it. As promised.
Dang, you guys had some opinions about the last chapter. Pretty much half of you guessed Renee, the other half, James. And half of you are right! You all agree that Gramp Cullen sucks.
This chappie is a shorty (for me anyway) but goodie. I'm rather fond of the end.
Let me know what you thing.
I don't own.
August 6, 2011
James smirks at me as he leans casually against a nearby wall. He's lurking half in the shadows, as fucking usual.
The sight of him kinda makes my tummy hurt. Fuck, I really don't want to deal with this.
I go back to smoking the cigarette I was planning on discarding a moment ago in an attempt to feel cool as a fucking cucumber when internally, I'm kinda freaking out. James is totally unpredictable and even though I'm not scared of him, I just hate not knowing what's coming.
And I really, really don't want Edward to see him.
We just stare at each other for a moment – well, I growler and he smirks – until James finally pushes off the wall and steps towards me, into the light. And he looks different. Old. Worn out. Tired. He looks like I would look if I never got healthy. Someday that party hardy lifestyle is going to catch up with him, and by the looks of the big dark circles under his eyes, that day is near.
"Damn, girl," he says, eyes raking over my body. I resist the urge to cross my arms and shield myself from his gaze. James is a total predator, and I refuse to show him any weakness or give any clue as to how uncomfortable he makes me. "You always could wear a dress. Although, you are lookin' kinda chunky these days."
I snort because I'm a size fucking two. James plays on people insecurities in order to manipulate them, but he has yet to discover any of mine.
Well, except for Edward. Back in the day.
"Is there a reason you are crashin' the party?" I drawl.
"I heard there was an open bar," he says with a shrug.
"Fuckin' Victoria," I mutter, fist clenching at my sides.
"Plus, I figured you would be here," he continues, grinning at me. Gah, I hate that grin. So fucking smarmy and cocky and just gross.
"What could you possibly want with me?" I ask. But then he eye fucks the shit out of me, and I wish I had kept that question to myself. I take another puff just for something to do with my hands.
"Thought it was 'bout time for us to catch up. Haven't you missed me?" he asks.
"Nope," I reply right quick.
"You wound me, Bella," he says, clutching his chest dramatically. "We had some good times."
"Yeah, I'm really not in to tromping down memory lane with you, James," I reply. "So if that's all, I'm just going back in now."
I turn, making my way back towards the door, but than stop immediately when I realize that James is falling in to step with me.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" I demand, stopping him by pushing my hands against his chest.
"Going to the wedding."
"No fucking way," I say, doing a lot of head shaking. "You were most definitely not invited."
"So? We crashed a party or two in our time if I recall," he says, smirking at me.
"You know, the last time we were together you said some not very nice things to me," I remind him. "What exactly are you trying to accomplish here?"
"Just rekindling our friendship," James replies. "Come on, let's go in."
"No, no, no," I say, freaking slightly. "You can't go in here."
"Why? Is it because he's in there?" James demands.
"You just can't go in," I insist, glancing at the doorway in fear that Edward will come looking for me any minute.
"Fuck, I can't believe you are back with that pussy," he grumbles.
I choose to not reply, just glaring as hard as I've ever glared before. We just stand in silence, facing off. James is between me and the entrance, and I check every few moments to see if anyone I know comes out. I wrack my brain, desperately trying to figure out how to get James the fuck out of here with no one the wiser.
"Why did you do it?" he asks, his voice softer this time.
"Do what?" I demand, completely exasperated.
"All of it. The going away with me. The running back to him. I just don't get it," he says.
I shrug, having absolutely no idea what to make of that one.
"We could leave again, you know," he suggest casually. "I'm bored as shit in this hellhole. Didn't you have fun last time?"
"No. Shit. Fuck, James. This is fuckin' ridiculous. Can you just leave now, please?" I ask.
"So you don't want to do the nomad thing again?"
"No!" I yell, completely baffled by this whole interaction. "James, I'm happy. You should really try this whole get your life together thing. It's pretty great, actually.
This is apparently the wrong thing to say because James gets real fucking angry. He steps forward, completely invading my personal space and looming over me. I take half a step back in my shock before I plant my feet. Refusing to be intimidated, I scowl up at James.
"You were always such a fucking bitch," he says, getting in my face and yelling now. I wince when I smell the alcohol on his breath and suddenly his presence makes a lot more sense. "A cock-sucking little slut."
I roll my eyes because I've heard this all before. I'm relatively unfazed by his name calling.
"Such a little whore. You only stayed with me because I kept you high as a kite." His hand locks around my upper arm and I wish I'm not so fucking short.
"Fuck you, James," I reply, attempting to yank my arm away. This is so fucking not good, and I'm quickly losing hope that I will be able to handle the situation on my own.
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing when I see Edward appear. We make eye contact around James and his face contorts into something truly scary. I open my mouth to do something because I know this can't end well. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, but nothing comes out because James won't stop fucking talking.
"You better be spreading your legs more often for him than you did for me if you want him to keep you around," James says loudly. "Don't come crawling back to me when he gets tired of your sloppy blow jobs, you dirty cunt."
Oh shit. Edward is really not going to like that.
This time when he speaks, he manages to really piss me off. Edward too, if my boys growl of rage is any indication. Edward gets to us really fucking fast, violently putting himself between James and me. Edward punches James twice – once in the jaw and once in the nose - before James falls backward on to the hard pavement. I grab hold of Edward, who looks poised to throw himself on James. But the last thing I want is Edward getting himself arrested for assault of some shit.
Edward struggles against my hold for a moment, so I move in front of him and cradle his face in my hands. I've never before seen him this angry. It's a little scary.
"Move, Isabella," he hisses, not even looking at me as he glares down at a groaning James.
"No," I insist. "Baby, that's enough. You got him good. It's over."
"Did you hear what he fucking said to you?" Edward demands, scowling at me now. "I'll fucking kill him."
"Yeah, I kinda want to let you," I agree, keeping my hands on his face until his rapid breathing calms. "But as totally cliché as it sounds, he is not worth it. He's not worth anything."
Edward takes a final large breath and his shoulders finally relax. He nods, indicating that he's back in control of those flying fists of furry.
Wow, that was kinda hot.
"What the fuck!" moans James, causing both Edward and me to look at him. His nose is bleeding all over the place, and I get a sick sense of satisfaction out of his pain. "I'll fucking kill you, mother fucker!"
Except James is blinded by his own blood and drunk, so he isn't exactly quick to get to his feet.
"I don't think so," I reply as James attempts to get up. I put one very tall heel right on his fucking nut sack and his movements still for a moment before he once again tries to get up. "Ah, ah, ah. None of that now."
I put some more pressure on his sack and he fucking whimpers. Dang, this is fun. Why have I never done this before?
By this time the commotions has been noticed and reinforcements arrive in the form of Jake, Jasper, and Tyler. They don't even really ask any questions – although Tyler does express the desire to have a camera to capture the image of me with my shoe on this bleeding asshole's dick – before they drag James away.
I turn to Edward, who still hasn't said anything. He looks at me with angry eyes and I give him a small smile, grabbing his hand.
"Let's go home," I whisper.
We have to go back in for a few minutes to say our goodbyes to various relatives and friends. I grab my purse and Edward puts his tux jacket over my shoulders.
Although we were planning on spending one more night with Alice and Jasper at the house on Goss, Edward gets right on the highway and we head for Denver. We go to our place. He is silent and tense on the car ride home, but he keeps a hand on my thigh, somewhat possessively. I wish I knew what exactly he is thinking and feeling.
When we walk through the threshold of our apartment, Edward sighs heavily and flops down on the couch, looking up at me as he struggles to loosen his tie. He is having a strangely hard time with it, and I walk over, pushing my finger through the knot. I remove the thing completely with a firm tug before popping open the first couple buttons of his dress shirt. When I'm done, I try to move my hand away, but Edward catches it and kisses the palm.
I let out a huge sigh of relief. Until now, I was irrationally scared that Edward was upset with me. He probably should be. I'm the one that brought James into our lives.
He gently pulls on my hand until I sit next to him on the couch. I run my hand over his tense shoulder as I wait for him to speak. It doesn't take long.
"Well," he says finally, sounding a bit shell shocked. "That was quite the evening."
"Yup," I reply, feeling similarly dazed.
"My brother got married," he says, still looking straight ahead.
"To a she-devil," I add.
"I got to stand next to you at the alter," he says, turning to me and smiling widely. I roll my eyes at him, but smile back anyway.
"Slow down there, buster," I reply.
We go back to silence but his hand is back on my thigh.
"You played master matchmaker," I say, shaking his shoulder. "That was awesome."
"Yeah," he says, smiling. "That was pretty cool."
"And then your grandfather swept me off my feet," I continue.
"Funny," Edward replies drying. "Very fucking funny. Are you going to tell me what he said to you, now?"
"I guess," I say with a sigh. "It's going to upset you and you are already all upset."
"I know. Let's just get this all over with at once and then we can go to bed and make ourselves feel better with a lot of good sex," he says, sounding all flustered.
"Aw, shit, dude," I say, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "How the fuck am I supposed to focus on all this serious shit when all I can picture is your naked ass."
He looks at me for a second like he considering dragging me to the bedroom but then he shakes his head and shoots me a little glare.
"Anyway, about my grandfather," he prompts.
"Right. He is a very cranky old man," I reply.
"What did he want to talk to you about?"
"Well, first he said that your preoccupation with me had gone on long enough and then accused me of coming back to get my paws on your money." Edward huffs indignantly but I plow on. "And then he was all whipping out his checkbook and offering me money to leave again."
"You have got to be kidding me," Edward snaps, eyes narrowing in his anger.
"Yeah, I know. Pretty unbelievable. Shockingly, I did not accept his generous offer. He did not like that at all so he was like, 'you don't want me for an enemy, Miss Swan' and I was all, 'fuck you ass hat.' Except I didn't say that, obviously. And lastly he said that I would be responsible for tearing apart your family so I told him that I am your family."
Edward smiles slightly at his but then starts frowning all over again.
"I am so sorry, love," he mutters, sounding really upset. I don't like this at all. "I'll talk to him. You won't have to be around him again."
"Really, Edward," I reply. "It's fine."
"It is so not fucking fine."
"Okay, yeah, you are right. It is definitely not fine. But I can deal with it. Mostly he is just a demented old geezer. We'll work it out. It's not like he's living in Boulder. We can just suck it up and deal," I reassure him. "It would be one thing if it was your parents that hated me. It is just one old man."
"Fine," he mutters. "But I will be talking to him. And to Dad about him. He has just gone way top fucking far this time."
"I'm tough. It doesn't matter because in the end, I have you."
"That you do," he agrees, squeezing my knee.
"So is it time for the sex now?" I ask hopefully, perking right up.
"No," he scolds, grabbing my hand as it sneaks up his thigh. "We have a bit more to talk about."
"We do?" I ask with a frown.
"Hello!" he replies, actually tapping my forehead three times. I bat away his hand impatiently. "James!"
"Ah," I say, scowling now. "Fuckin' James."
"Where did he come from? Why was he there? What did he say to you? Did he touch you? What the fuck?"
"Edward," I say, getting him to focus. "Calm down. "
For the thousandth time today, Edward takes a huge calming breath.
"So I was outside, just… uh…"
"Smoking," he provides helpfully. I feel and probably look guilty, but Edward gestures for me to continue.
"Right. So I bummed a cigarette from some dude and was smokin' and thinkin'—"
"What were you thinking about?" he asks gently.
"Just… what your grandpa said. And also about we are finally going to have a place. For just the two of us," I say, blushing like a mofo. As fucking usual.
"That's pretty cool," he replies.
"Yup. Anyway, I was just about to come back and find you but then James just fucking materialized out of the shadows like some goddamn horror movie or some shit."
I go on to tell Edward everything that James said and what I said back. Well, mostly. I left out a few of the names James called me, not that it really even matters being as Edward heard the worst of it first hand.
Edward just sits there stewing, and I decide to give him a moment to wallow and brood. I sit next to him, absently stroking his hair. He closes his eyes and leans in to my touch and I shimmy out of his tux jacket, draping it over the arm of the couch.
"I think you broke his nose," I muse, cuddling into to his side. Edward grins, putting his arm around me and running his fingers up and down my arm.
"Yeah. Probably."
"It was awesome. Almost as awesome as me having that fucker balls under my heel."
Edward chuckles.
"That was all pretty awe…. What the fuck is this?" Edward's whole demeanor changers. I thought we were past to worst of it and almost to the sex part, but apparently not. Edward's whole body tenses, his voice gets all dangerous, and his fingers still on my arm.
"What now?" I ask, feeling weary.
I glance down to where Edward's gaze has locked and his fingers paused. The dark bruise there was definitely not there when I put on this ridiculous bridesmaid dress before the ceremony.
Being as I'm an idiot, it takes me for fucking ever to determine where it came from.
"Oh fuck," I mutter as Edward just continues to gape and glare and sputter as if he can't even believe what he is seeing. He turns fucking purple in his rage, and for one weird moment he reminds me of my dad when he got pissed. Thinking of Charlie always hurts my heart a little, but the pang is quick. I have Edward to deal with at the moment.
"I'm going to fucking kill him," Edward says in a low, dangerous voice that even has the goose bumps rising on my skin.
"No, you're not."
"Yes," he says, rising from the couch with an eerie calm, "I am."
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" I demand, marching behind him as he moves to the kitchen to collect his keys that he tossed on the table not to long ago.
"Boulder. I'm driving back to Boulder and tearing the fucking town apart until I find that motherfucker and then I'm going to tear him apart, too." Again the calm, almost pleasant tone he is using is the scariest thing of all.
And he has to be kidding. This little dramatization isn't seriously going to lead to Boulder. But Edward moves toward the door and he looks pretty damn serious. He gets the door open a few inches before I slam it shut, using all the force of my body to do so. Edward glares down at me pressed up against his only exit, and pulls fruitlessly on the doorknob.
"Stop acting like a fucking moron," I say.
"He fucking marked you!" Okay, now he sounds at about the right level of angry. "He put his dirty fucking hands on you and marred your skin!"
"Yeah, he did a little bit, huh?" I reply, studying the purple finger marks on my upper arm. "But I bruise easy. It's not so bad."
"Not so fucking bad!" Edward screams, really losing his shit now. Both hands are in his hair as he starts to pace back and forth in front of my position at the door. He progresses to rant somewhat nonsensically. But the point is clear. He really hates James.
Not that I blame him. I'm not too fond of the fucker myself.
"Not only did he insult you and degrade you with his words, while simultaneously shitting all over what we have, but he also marked you! Bruised you! It is beyond disrespectful and I am thoroughly horrified. And then, trying to fucking get you to leave again. I'm going to kill him."
This is the third time he has said gone through this little spiel, so I figure it is my turn to step in.
"Are you sure it's even James you're mad at?" I say quietly, not able to muster the courage to even look him in the eye. I've been playing around with something terrible in my head, and I suppose it's time to share. After all, we're doing this whole honest with each other thing these days.
"What?" he says, standing still across the room from me. "Have you seen your fucking arm? Who the fuck else would I be mad at? Well, other than myself. I should never have let you go outside alone." This last statement is muttered, probably because he knows I won't like it.
I just scowl at him because that is some male superiority crap if I ever did hear any, but than I press on.
"Me," I whisper, glancing at him warily. "You could be mad at me."
Edward cocks his head to one side, observing me that way he does when I totally confuse him. I shuffle my feet, feeling awkward as he continues to study me in silence.
"Why would I be mad at you?" he asks quietly, still looking at me like I'm a crazy person.
"Because this whole thing is my fucking fault," I reply, hating the way my voice breaks with my misery. I lean back against the door, letting my head fall with a thump.
"I don't see it that way. This whole thing is his fucking fault," Edward says. He is still talking quietly and standing still as if he is afraid of spooking me. "He is responsible for his actions."
"Just as I was when I left," I say, minorly irritated that he seems so hell bent on defending me.
"Yes. That is true. But that was a long time ago. And I've seen how you changed. Everyday your actions show me that you are happy now. You aren't self-destructive like you once were, and you don't destroy those around you like you once did."
As nice as this little speech is, I still don't feel much better so I choose to ignore him.
"You had to have been scared," I murmur.
"Of what?" he asks, looking at me that way he does again.
"It was like fucking déjà vu," I continue. "You have to know what I'm talking about."
"Bella," he says with frustration. The hands are back in the hair so I know I'm driving him crazy. "I have no fucking clue what you're talking about."
"Tonight was the same fucking situation. Big party, ever one is all happy. I need a break from all the happy and wander off on my own to think and to just… catch my breath. James happens upon me and suggests we take off," I say. Edward just stares at me somewhat blankly.
I cross my arms over my chest, feeling exceedingly uncomfortable.
"It wasn't the same situation at all," he insists.
For whatever reason, his calm and sure response really irritates me.
"Are you telling me that there wasn't a tiny moment of doubt? Do you really expect me to believe that when you first saw me outside with James, you didn't think for even one moment that I was about to take off again?" These terrible words seem to explode out of me, leaving Edward looking even more shocked than before, but his reply is immediate and his words are spoken with such conviction, I can't help but believe him.
"No," he states simply. "Not for one moment did I think you were going to leave again. The thought did not even cross my mind until now. But you obviously thought about it."
"I didn't think about leaving!" I say quickly, horrified by the idea. "I thought about you thinking that I might be thinking of leaving."
He just goes back to staring at me from across our living room and I realize I'm probably not making much sense.
"Look," I continue after taking a deep breath. "I know you don't trust me yet. Well, hopefully it is a yet. And I know you haven't forgiven me, but—"
"What did you say?"
Him constantly asking me "what" tonight is getting really irritating.
"Which part?" I ask, not really sure what he doesn't understand. Edward and I are usually so on the same fucking page, it is really disconcerting when we don't communicate well.
"This not trusting, not forgiving horseshit," he says.
"Horseshit?" I repeat lamely.
And now I'm being fucking studied again. I scowl and huff at him because I'm still not too good at sharing my emotions and shit. It's so much easier to just shut down and get defensive.
But I won't because I don't do that anymore.
"Come here," he murmurs, holding a hand out to me. Part of me wants to be a child and refuse, but I know touching him well make me feel better. I shuffle towards him, and he pulls me into his arms. He leads me back to the couch, sitting us on the edge so our bodies are angled towards each other.
I was making a point about something before he interrupted me but I can't fucking remember what the fuck I was trying to say.
"Now," he says, smoothing out my furrowed brow and tilting my face towards his. "What is this horseshit about me not trusting or forgiving you?"
"Uh… because you don't trust me and haven't forgiven me?" I venture.
"What would ever give you that idea?" he asks.
"Maybe because you haven't told me otherwise!" I shout.
"Oops."
"OOPS!" I screech, absolutely at the end of my rope. "Are you telling me that you've forgiven me and you trust me and you just didn't bother to let me know?"
I punch him in the arm for good measure, just so he knows how stupid he is.
"Damn, you've got boney hands," he mutters. I just scowl at him until he realizes I need a fucking explanation. "I just… I didn't know you needed the words. I thought you knew by the progress of our relationship. I thought you knew because I show you every day by letting you in to every little part of my life."
"Oh. Right." His words are so heartfelt and they make so much sense, I feel pretty fucking stupid.
"I'm sorry, love," he murmurs, his fingertips on my cheekbones. "I should have said something."
"It's okay," I reply. "I should have known."
I'm a little surprised to realize that I'm kinda crying. Fuck, I hate crying. But I'm just so fucking relieved to hear that he forgives me. That he trusts me. That he has let me in to every part of his life.
"How would you have known?" he continues. "I am a fucking moron."
"You're my fucking moron," I correct, causing him to grin crookedly.
"Isabella," he says, taking my face in between both his hands. "I forgive you. I forgive you for leaving me so suddenly. And although your methods did hurt me, I am no longer angry. I'm just so… thankful that you came back to me like this. You did what you needed to do to get happy, and I could never begrudge you that. I love you and I trust you. I know that you will be there every night when I fall asleep and I also know that you will be somewhere in the general vicinity when I wake up. Get it now?"
I'm too emotional to do anything but nod and collapse forward into his neck. Edward just sits with me in his arms for a long time.
Although, when I think about it, I'm pretty sure I've known for a while that Edward has forgiven me. It's his nature. That's how he operates. Edward has always been too quick to let me get away with all shorts of shit. – jerking him around throughout college, getting him punched out twice in less than twelve hours, screaming at him in the hospital, leaving him in Forks, using him to make the demons go away, not telling him about our baby and disappearing again. Maybe his willingness to forgive me is his flaw, his major weakness. But in this moment I vow to never take advantage of him again. I vow to be worthy of his seemingly endless supply of trust.
It's humbling to realize someone so good loves and trusts me. Edward has given me way more chances than I deserve. This will be the last one.
Also, I think that even though he has forgiven me, I haven't really forgiven myself yet.
That's the next step, I suppose. Forgiving myself.
So this confrontation was a long time coming. Edward sure likes to punch James! Howabout Bella getting a piece of the action, huh?
We're nearing the end now. Leave me some love. Or hate. Or constructive criticism. Or whatever.