This is it. Finally. I mean it this time. Just an epilogue will follow. Well, an epilogue or twelve, knowing me.
Thank you for sticking with me.
Seriously, the support and the reviews and the recommendations for this story have been mind boggling.
Thank you to Tiffanyanne3 and Twimarti for slowly but surely helping me beta this monster. Also all the girls that have had to listen to me whine and angst right along with my characters.
Oh, also. Last chapter a couple of you pointed out that I named Alice's kid Henry JAMES. Opps. That probably wouldn't happen but ever one in my family has James for a middle name and it was late at night. I'll fix it.
Put me on alert if you want to read the new craziness I'm workin on.
Thank you
May 16, 2013
A week after finishing classes forever, Bella and I begin our preparations to move. A friend of Mom's own several buildings in downtown Boston, and Bella and I will live in a small attic apartment of one of her brownstones for basically nothing. In exchange for extremely cheap rent, Bella and I will take on the responsibilities of property manager to the two families who inhabit the lower rooms.
Alice is especially offended by our decision to move at the beginning of the summer rather than the end, but my wife and I want time to settle.
Wife. I have a wife. Bella is my wife.
For a long time, I never really thought we would ever get here, no matter how much I wanted it. And now that she is finally with me, I take my vows very seriously. I plan to cherish her everyday.
Like taking her on our long overdue honeymoon, for example.
After the move, I'm taking Bella to Italy for an entire month to celebrate my graduation and make up for failing to give her a honeymoon last fall.
Sometimes I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Bella is my wife. Getting what you want more than anything is a little scary, but I've never been happier.
Despite the positive outlook on the future, moving is a giant pain in the ass, and I've been forced to leave my wife at home to pack as I venture out to buy more boxes. She woke me with her mouth on mine, but then unceremoniously kicked me out of bed before I could touch her anywhere else.
The whole thing made me rather cranky, and I plan on seducing her to cheer myself up as I awkwardly drag flat cardboard boxes toward the elevator in our apartment building.
In another week, this building will no longer be my home. How strange.
I stand next to a small, dark-haired woman who stares anxiously at the elevator door. I don't recognize her, which is strange because this building has been my home for the last four years, and I pretty much know everyone.
We stand in silence for a moment before I realize the button has not been pushed. I assumed this mystery woman, with her sad yet oddly familiar features and worn attire, summoned the elevator. Now I awkwardly reach in front of her, pushing the button. She jumps, noticing me for the first time as I mumble an apology, gazing at me with dull blue eyes rimmed with red.
"Is everything all right?" I ask, concerned by her erratic behavior.
The many lines around her eyes become more apparent as she frowns at me.
"I've been standing here for fifteen minutes, trying to gather the courage to do what you just did." Her voice is croaky and harsh, and I try not to wince.
"What?" I ask, blinking at her in confusion. "Push the button?"
She nods solemnly as the doors open. I step in before turning to look at her. After a momentary hesitation, she joins me.
"What floor?" I ask, trying to be polite.
"Fifth."
I push the one button, because it's my floor as well.
"Are you new to the building?" I ask in an attempt to alleviate some of this inexplicable tension. She is so familiar and my brain struggles to identify her. Perhaps if I do, this feeling of apprehension I've had since I realized she hadn't pushed the button will cease.
"No," she replies, her voice sounding slightly better, as if she is just getting used to using it again. "I'm visiting my daughter. I haven't seen her in five years."
"Ah," I reply, not knowing what else to say.
"Are you moving?" she asks after a moment of silence, nodding toward the stack of deconstructed boxes at my side.
"Yes," I reply. "To Boston at the end of the week."
The doors slide open, and I sigh with relief, thankful I will no longer be forced to make strained conversation with this stranger.
But my feeling of dread continues as the woman moves in the direction of my apartment. I follow her down the hall, my brain working even harder to place her face.
It is not until she stops in front of my apartment that I figure it out.
Holy fuck. Renee Swan. Or Dwyer. Or whatever the fuck her name is these days.
I berate myself for not recognizing her sooner. Although, in defense to myself, the years have not treated Renee kindly. I only met her once, very briefly, while with Bella on Pearl St. She caught me groping her daughter on a bench, and then she and Bella walked a little distance away and fought. No introductions were even made.
Still, nothing remains of that prim, coiffed housewife, as far as I can tell.
Her sweater sets and slacks have been replaced with a dirty t-shirt and a dirty, gauzy skirt. Her hair is messy, just like her daughter's in texture but lighter in shade. It now even has a few dreadlocks and feathers. Her face is pale. Her skin is sagging and thin. Dark circles reside under her red eyes. Her lips are cracked and she appears skinner than Bella at her unhealthiest.
Renee just stands in front of my door, and I just stand behind her, shocked and scrambling for a solution.
My first instinct is to protect my wife. The sickly woman in front of me has caused the woman I love extreme hurt. Suddenly furious, I want to scream at Renee until she leaves, never to return again.
I don't know why she's here and don't really give a damn. What she did to her daughter is unforgivable. The urge to force her away is strong.
But Bella has never much appreciated me fighting her fights for her.
In the last few years, Bella has been confronting her demons. The woman before me is the cause, the root of Bella's fear. This woman made my beautiful, intelligent, strong wife believe she was worthless and unlovable. But Bella is better now and would want to decide how to deal with Renee herself.
I just hope Bella survives the fall out.
Wincing as I remember the near comatose state Bella resided in for months after Renee disappeared last time, I clear my throat to keep Renee from knocking on my door.
"Can I help you?" I ask, moving to position myself between the worthless woman and my door.
"Who are you?" Renee asks, glaring at me now. For the first time I really see the resemblance between mother and daughter.
"I'm Edward. I live here," I explain, unlocking the door and stepping inside the entrance to my apartment.
"Oh," Renee says, blinking her dull eyes at me in surprise. "I thought… Are you Bella's roommate?"
I smile humorlessly. It's fucking amazing that Renee has managed to track down her daughter's address but somehow missed the fact that we are newlyweds. I decide not to correct her.
"Was there something you wanted with her?" I ask, filling up the whole doorway.
"I have a right to see her," Renee snaps when I block her way. "She's my daughter."
I don't like her tone, or the fact that she still even sees herself as a real mother. Bella needs to mentally prepare to see Renee again. I decide to turn Renee away, to get contact information, and then tell Bella everything. That way Bella can decide to see Renee on her own terms.
Or not see her at all.
But of course my love chooses this moment to speak from some hidden location in the apartment.
"You know, baby," she calls, causing me to turn towards her voice. "I'm a little disappointed it took you so long to get home. You know how horny packing makes me."
She appears from the kitchen, walking towards me dressed only in boy short panties and a matching black sports bra. She slowly approaches, still not able to see Renee from this angle. I try to warn my wife, but the words die on my tongue when she smiles.
She's been so happy.
And I panic because I'm helpless to protect her from this.
Bella saunters up to me, slipping her hand under the hem of my dark t-shirt and splaying her fingers over my abdominal muscles.
This is probably an inappropriate time to want to fuck her, but I can't help it. Especially as she moves her hand lower.
I remember who is in the doorway, have a coughing fit, and grab her hand. I look pointedly towards the door, but my wife has a one-track mind.
How awkward.
"Baby," she says with a laugh as I stutter and sputter. "What has you so flustered?"
I simply open the door all the way, showing her rather than telling her when words fail me.
Bella turns towards the door, a hand still wrapped around my belt buckle. The smile falls off her face and her eyes go wide when she takes in the sight of the woman in the doorway. I see her whole body tenses. Her jaw tightens, her fists clench, and for one terrible and sort of wonderful moment, I'm convinced that Bella is going to punch the woman who abandoned her over and over.
But Bella surprises me by taking a giant calming breath. She shakes her arms out at her sides, relaxing her muscles. With a final sigh she looks away from Renee, turning her eyes on me. I search her face, trying to figure out what she needs from me.
Bella shakes her head at me slowly, grimacing slightly. Still not looking back to her mother, Bella pushes the door open and steps back to let Renee into our home.
"Aw, shit," says my wife succinctly when Renee walks in to the chaos of our home.
I can't help but grin at my wife because she once again does the unexpected while still being so totally and completely Bella. God, I love this woman.
As Renee silently takes in our half packed, half trashed living room, I grab Bella's hand. She gives me a squeeze as I grab her a nearby shirt of mine, haphazardly draped over a chair. She stares at it in confusion for a moment before looking down at her almost naked body. She gives a little start before slipping it on. It's as if she forgot she was basically naked. Even though she appears without modesty, a faint blush colors her cheeks.
Bella grabs my hand again and we face the storm together. A united front.
"So this is where you live?" Renee murmurs, looking over her shoulder at us. "Cozy."
Bella offers no explanation nor does she get defensive over Renee's obvious judgment. "Do you want… tea or something?"
Bella looks at me and I nod, answering her silent question.
Yes, love. That is what normal people offer normal company. Good job.
"Do you have anything stronger?" Renee asks.
"It's ten in the fucking morning," Bella replies. "Coffee is as strong as it gets."
"Coffee then," Renee agrees with a sigh.
Ten minutes later, the three of us are seated around our hastily cleared kitchen table.
"So…" Renee says, obviously feeling as awkward as my wife and me. "You are moving?"
Bella squints at her mother, and I can tell what she wants to say. She wants to roll her eyes a droll a sardonic "obviously."
"Yeah," she says instead. "Edward got a job in Boston."
"You're following your boyfriend across the country?" Renee asks with disapproval.
"Try again," I suggest in a low voice. I'm pleased with how dangerous I sound.
"Husband," Bella corrects, ignoring my theatrics. "I'm forcing my husband to move across the country."
"You're married?" Renee croaks.
"Nine months," Bella says, grinning at me. I rest my hand on her thigh, pleased that she is not so signally focused on her mother that she can't experience a little joy. "I'm Bella Cullen now."
"My invite must have gotten lost in the mail," Renee says with a chuckle. Her attempt at a joke is not appreciated. Bella and I are not amused.
"It was family only," Bella replies. Although her tone is detached and polite, her message is clear.
Renee is not Bella's family.
We go back to awkward silence. We all know this woman is here for a purpose, but Bella doesn't seem to be in any hurry to ask. This whole thing is really not going anything like I envisioned.
"Cullen?" Renee says suddenly, eyes narrowing at me now critically. "As in name of the new pediatrics wing at Fork's General?"
My family really does have obscene amounts of money. I sigh when I see what she's getting at.
"Wow, you really are just like me," Renee muses. "Getting married for all the wrong reasons, making my same mistakes."
The punching face is back, and it takes Bella a full minute before she reins in her anger enough to speak. I didn't believe I could have a lower opinion of the woman sitting before me but it's dropping to unprecedented depths now.
"I did repeat your mistakes," Bella finally states. "Marrying for the wrong reasons is definitely not one of them."
Bella is obviously referring to her abrupt departure and her year spent over indulging in a plethora of mind-altering substances.
"Just so you know," Renee continues as if Bella didn't speak. "I didn't get a cent from that last son of a bitch I married for his money. He has some new whore I've heard."
Renee certainly has heard a lot of things.
I'm really fucking tired of this Bella is a golddigger thing. Would it be wrong to smack Renee a bit?
Probably.
"Please tell me you are not talking about the man who has been more of a parent to me in the last six years that you've been to me in my entire life," Bella growls.
Renee jerks her head back as if she's been slapped by Bella's words, but recovers quickly.
"Oh please," Renee dismisses. "You barely spoke. It wasn't exactly a father daughter relationship."
"Naw, you're right," Bella replies sardonically. "The man just paid for my education and walked me down the aisle. No big deal."
We didn't really have an aisle at our small, private affair. It was more like Phil walked her through a field. And he wasn't alone. Billy was there too.
"What?" Renee snaps, slapping the table. I jump in my seat in my surprise. Bella smirks at me, amused by my skittishness no doubt. "Phil gave you money? Un fucking believable. How do you do it? How do you get my ex-husbands to fork over everything they have?"
"My natural charisma, probably," replies Bella, nodding solemnly. I turn to look at my wife in awe. It's amazing that she's able to deal with the sudden appearance of her mom with such grace and humor.
I mean, she is being sarcastic and totally herself, nothing like the zombie she once was when Renee's name was even mentioned.
My wife is truly remarkable.
Renee scowls at Bella before taking a big, deep breath.
"I was in Forks," Renee murmurs. "I heard about Charlie. Terrible, for him to have died so young and so suddenly."
Bella looks down, nodding. For the first time I see her vulnerability. I hold her hand more firmly under the table.
"I know you were close with him," Renee continues. "In the last few years."
"Renee, let's not do this, okay?" Bella quietly requests.
"Do what?"
"Talk about my dad. Just… cut the shit. Why are you here?" Bella demands, losing patience now.
"I've missed you," Renee says with a wee bit too much emotion choking her words. I glance at a skeptical looking Bella and am glad that I'm not the only one who does not believe Renee to be genuine. "It's been far too long this time."
"Well, whose fault is that?" Bella asks. "I've been right here."
"Not the whole time," Renee replies. "I heard that you lived in Forks for a whole year."
"Yes. And?" I ask, thoroughly annoyed with this horrid woman.
"And nothing," Renee says. "We're just chatting, Edward. There is no reason to get so snappish."
"Renee," Bella continues, her voice low and scary now. "Why are you here? And don't give me that I missed you, you are my daughter crap because if that were true you would have called me or wrote me or something in the last five years!"
Bella and Renee stare each other down for a few minutes after Bella's little out burst. All the tension in my kitchen is making me excessively uncomfortable, and I shuffle nervously in my seat.
Renee is the first one to fold, and she looks out a nearby window with a heavy sigh. Her shoulders drop and she looks so much older than her forty something years.
"I need money," Renee finally confesses, swallowing what little is left of her pride.
"Ah," Bella says smugly. "There it is. I fucking knew it was something like that. You really never change, do you Renee?"
"It's not just the money!" Renee insists. "I really did miss you. I just was so ashamed of not getting in touch with you sooner. I was scared you wouldn't even speak to me."
Tears glisten in Renee's red eyes, and I think she might finally be telling the truth. What a fucked up woman.
"Sure, whatever you say, Renee," Bella says, suddenly sounding incredibly wary.
"I mean it!" Renee shrieks. "Lately I've been feeling so… lost. And then I found myself in Forks and I heard about your visits and Charlie. I know he had money, Bella. He was always such a fucking spend thrift. Would never even send me money for you. He said he didn't trust me to buy you clothes he would just sent clothes! It was very insulting."
"Okay?" Bella says, a little alarmed that Renee has gone from sad and emotional to fucking pissed so quickly. The woman is seriously unbalanced, and I have my suspicions regarding why Renee needs money.
"I did my time with your dad in that boring little town. I deserve that money."
Bella's mouth pops open in shock. She turns really red and her face contorts in rage. My wife looks like she is about to completely lose it, but then breaths deep and forces herself to calm.
"You don't deserve anything from me. Or my dad," Bella murmurs, getting up slowly. "Now if that's all, I think it's time for you to leave. Edward and I have packing to do."
"Wait!" Renee says, actually flinging herself at Bella's feet and sobbing. Bella and I share looks of horror while looking down at this sad little woman with varying levels of disgust. "Please! Isabella, baby, I just need a couple thousand to tide me over. I need to get to New York, friend of mine says he can get me a job. Baby, please! I have no where else to go."
"Holy Krishna," Bella replies, cringing away from the woman who birthed her. "Get up, woman! You're freaking me the fuck out."
Still sniffling and wiping at her damp cheeks, Renee crawls back in to her seat. Bella sits down across from her.
"Renee," Bella says, talking softly. "I always knew that my upbringing wasn't normal. You dragged me around the country, exposed me to all sorts of stuff I shouldn't have been exposed to as a little kid. But I didn't know better or I would have been a very unhappy child."
This is getting deep quick, and I put my hand on her thigh. She quickly covers it with one of her own hand.
"You were my best friend, my mother. I loved you and you loved me back. Or at least you claimed too. Now I see that you don't really know how to love anyone but yourself. And that's okay because I'm not like you."
Renee's eyes are wide and she listens to her daughter with rapt attention.
"Then we moved to Boulder and I felt like my life was really starting. Suddenly I had friends, kids my own age to interact with, people I cared about beyond just you and the fucked up people you hung out with. Life in Boulder was so much better than it was before, but still it wasn't enough for you. You tried to leave and I refused. I think that's when you started resenting me so much. For the first time I was asking you to make a sacrifice for me, like a real mother should. But you couldn't even give me two goddamn years. I just needed two years until I was eighteen and graduated. But instead you left me with no explanation, two hundred bucks, and a whole lot of mommy issues."
Renee is openly crying now, clenching her heart as if Bella's every word wounds her a little more deeply. But my love presses on and of this I'm thankful. Bella needs this. It seems to be the last step in her healing process.
"It fucked me up, not gonna lie. It really fucked me up," Bella says, wincing as she remembers. "You made me feel unlovable. You did that. I thought it was my fault you left. I thought it was my fault you couldn't stick around, that you couldn't really be a mom. I thought it was me, but its not. I was you."
Renee lets out a wail and Bella looks like she's on the verge of tears herself, but she keeps going.
"So I shut down, tried to protect myself from anyone hurting me like you did, and did a lot of fucked up shit as I tried to forget that not even my own mother wanted me around—"
"Bella, baby, no it was—"
"Just let me finish," Bella says. "I am responsible for my own actions. I made a lot of mistakes and did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Edward was the first one to give me a little glimpse of the life I could have. He showed me that there was alternative to the person I thought I was and the life I was living. But I fucked that up too."
"Only for a little while," I interject.
Bella smiles at me shyly before continuing. "And all that was my own doing. When I first stated this getting better thing, I blamed you entirely. It was easier than blaming myself. But the bottom line is I did those things. Your behavior influenced mine, but I made those decisions. Those regrets and mistakes are my own. But you leaving me, abandoning me, that's not my fault. There is nothing I did to drive you away nor was there anything I could have done to make you stay."
Again, I am so proud how far she's come. I am so amazed that she can just sit here and calmly articulate everything she feels and thinks to a woman who caused her so much pain. My wife is so strong, stronger than me. If I braved what Bella has, I don't think I could have come this far. She doesn't seem angry anymore, and that fact alone is a bit of a miracle.
"One day, Renee," Bella continues. "You're going to be forced to take a good, hard look at your life. Maybe you'll do it willingly like I did, or maybe some great reckoning when you finally kick the bucket, but at some point you are going to have to take responsibility for abandoning me. You hurt me. You'll have to come to terms with that. Just like I've come to terms with hurting people I care about."
"I don't know what to say," Renee whispers, sounding terribly lost.
"You don't need to say anything," Bella replies. "I don't need anything from you. It took me a long time to get here, but I really don't need anything from you. I'm not even angry at you anymore."
"I really do love you, Bella," Renee says, continuing to whimper. "I just couldn't stay."
"Okay. That's nice, though it really isn't necessary. You know how I feel about the whole thing now, and I'm glad I got this chance to say what I did," Bella replies.
"So you'll give me the money?" Renee asks, thoroughly enraging me. I want to scream at her, berate her for being such a terrible person, but Bella doesn't seem particularly bothered so I stay silent. Her wellbeing is what matters to me.
"Fuck no," Bella replies with a little chuckle. "I no longer fund drug binges. Sorry."
"Drugs? Where did you get such an idea? I would never… I don't do drugs!" Renee squeaks, freaking out all over again.
"Renee, come on," Bella says, sounding frustrated. "You are totally strung the fuck out. That's why you're so desperate for money."
"Baby—"
"Renee, just don't" Bella interrupts, putting up her hand. Now she sounds tired. "It's not gonna work. I can get you in to a rehab clinic. If you get cleaned up I can talk to a few people in Boulder about helping you get a job, but that's all you're gonna get from me."
Bella's generosity stuns me.
"Rehab?" Renee asks weakly. "Really?"
"Yup. Take it our leave it," replies my wife.
"Can I think about it?"
"Sure," Bella replies with a shrug before getting up to rummage through some boxes. She returns a moment later with a pen and a sticky note. "We leave at the end of the week, so let me know by then. Edward has all sorts of doctor contacts and we'll help you out. Here is my cell and my email."
Renee takes the little piece of paper, nodding weakly.
I linger back as Bella walks Renee to the door, trying to give them some privacy. Or at least the allusion of privacy because I stay close enough to hear every word uttered.
"Bye, Renee," Bella says as Renee steps out of our apartment. Thank God. "Let me know by the end of the week. We won't really be able to help you once we move."
"Right, of course," Renee murmurs in reply.
"Good luck," Bella says, attempting to close the door.
"Wait, Bella!" Renee puts a hand out, keeping Bella from closing the door. "It really was good to see you, kid. I love you. No matter what."
"Thanks, Renee," Bella replies.
Renee abruptly throws her arms around my wife. Bella is obviously a little stunned, but eventually she hugs Renee back for a second before stepping away.
"You've really made quite the life for yourself. I'm happy for you, proud of you."
"Thanks. I'm glad to hear you say that. Really, call me by the end of the week. I hope to hear from you."
Renee nods and the door closes and both my wife and myself let out matching sighs of relief.
Bella turns slowly, looking at me with an unfathomable expression. "So," she says. "Let's get to that packing."
"Bella!" I sputter, still shocked by everything that's just happened.
"Damn, you're gonna want to do your whole talk it out, debrief thing, huh?" she asks with a rueful shake of the head.
"And you are going to want to do your not talk about it, bury it all deep, ignoring thing, aren't you?" I reply, crossing my arms over my chest and scowling.
"Yeah, pretty much," she replies, grinning at me now.
"You know I'm going to win this one, don't you? Let's not even bother fighting."
"Oh, Edward," she says, sighing and approaching me now. "You're good at being married."
"I'm good at being married to you," I correct as she wraps her arms around my waist and smiles seductively up at me. "That's why I'm not going to let you sex your way out of this one."
She giggles at my words, gives me a quick kiss, and moves to sit on the couch.
"I'm really okay," Bella says, talking quietly.
I stare at her for a while, trying to figure out if I believe her or not.
"Really, Edward," she snaps. "Don't look at me like I'm about to break. I'm okay."
"Okay," I say, moving to sit next to her. This takes a moment because I have to move a stack of picture frames and artwork.
"I knew somehow that I would see her again. That she would pop up eventually. I mentally prepared myself for all this."
"You were so brave," I say in awe.
"Yeah, I know. I'm a total badass," she agrees. "I mean… seeing her brought up all these emotions, but I could handle it. I was in control. Still myself."
"She pissed me off, quiet frankly."
"I know," she says, taking my hand. "She pissed me off too. I tried not to get mad, I tried not to feel anything, but I think I did okay. Did I do okay?"
"You were amazing," I agree, kissing her temple.
"I wanted to take the high road, be the better person," Bella murmurs. "She's obviously even more unstable and drugged up than the last time I saw her. I tried to have a little grace."
"Is that why you offered to help her?" I ask.
"Yeah. I mean, the woman needs a lot of help and I hope she accepts it, but she isn't going to," Bella says sadly. "It will probably be another six years before I see her again, and that's fine. I said what I needed to say. I'm finally done with her."
Bella is grinning now and she lets out a little giggle.
"What has you so happy all of a sudden?" I ask. Her smile is infectious and I return it.
"It really is a whole new world," Bella says. "That's all because of you. You get that, don't you sweetheart?"
"I think you had quite a bit to do with it too, love," I reply.
"It was a team effort," she decides.
"Go team!" I cheer.
We high five and then laugh.
"We should pack," Bella murmurs out as she crawls into my lap.
"Later," I reply, bringing my lips to hers.
Somehow, we manage to get out life packed away by the end of the week. Renee never calls. And this is fine with me because it's fine with Bella.
BPOV
May 17, 2013
"SURPRISE!"
I roll my eyes as Edward jumps in shock next to me as pretty much everyone we know and like in Boulder pops out of various hiding spots in the house on Goss. On the way here, I warned Edward that there was no way we going to be attending a simple family fare-thee-well dinner. Despite said warning, my husband is still all jumpy and adorably freaked out.
"I fucking knew it," I mutter as Alice launches herself into my arms. "Simple goodbye dinner my ass."
Alice just chuckles and grins like a loon before moving to hug her little twin. I receive about eight squillion hugs after that. After being bombarded by the entire Cullen clan, I snag little Willy – Rose and Em's five month old – from Esme before greeting all our friends.
Holy fuck nut, there sure are a lot of them. When did we get so many of friends?
It hits me for real that I'm really going to miss these people who have all in their own little way shaped my own story. I love them. I'm lucky I still have them. And though logically I knew starting over in Boston would mean leaving a lot of great people behind, emotionally I didn't get it until this moment when I see them all in one enclosed space.
Jake is there with Leah. He is dragging his feet about proposing. I'm gonna have to kiss his ass if he hasn't shaped up by the time Edward and I come back for Christmas or Thanksgiving or whatever.
Billy is in the corner making Phil laugh loudly at some terribly crude joke, no doubt. All the father figures in my life have all been so fucking different and wonderful at the same time. Seeing them together makes me wish Charlie was here too.
An already-prego-again Rosalie sticks a glass of wine in my hand while Alice snaps a picture of Edward tickling Willy in my arms.
"I'm living vicariously through you," Rose explains. "Drink up, bitch."
"Cheers, hoe bag," I reply, lifting my glass at her before taking a big sip.
"Okay, let's not go down that road," Edward says, interrupting Rosalie's reply while Esme steals her second grandson away from me, allowing various people to basically mob me. Edward and I get separated by the masses so I take a deep breath and socialize.
I make the party rounds, greeting old friends from college and my youth. All the boys I used to hang out with so often are here, even if I don't see them very often its just like old times without being too much like old times when I do.
People from good old Hallett Hall are crowded into the kitchen, playing some sort of drinking game I haven't seen in years. They are reliving our college days. I'm highly amused to see Carlisle actively participating in the merriment. He chugs a beer and then puts his arms up in triumph as everyone cheers.
I wonder how long that will last before Esme intervenes.
The old school games must go with Alice's Walk Down Memory Lane theme. She's hung pictures of us from various points in our relationship up all over the place. I laugh because Edward used to be so scrawny. I don't really look very different, but the face I see in the mirror now is definitely much healthier and much happier.
Tia is here along with a bunch of Edward's other friends from med school. They are all going their separate ways now. Tia is actually doing her internship in Seattle to be closer to a certain giant ex-Marine, thrift storeowner. Edward and Tia are both a little freaked out by going on with their medical careers without each other, and this doesn't even bother me.
I continue to greet and chat with randoms – people from work, people I've known forever, family, friends, parent figures, even Pat the loopy bookkeeper. And I usually find such socializing, pretty fucking exhausting, I find I don't mind this.
It's a good final memory to have of Boulder. Picking up your whole life and starting over somewhere so foreign is fucking freaky. The memory of all these people who care about me will be a good one to have when Edward's working and I haven't made any friends yet.
But I recently face down my mother. It makes me feel like I can do anything.
Not that I'm not fucking excited about the move, our new apartment, living in the heart of a city.
Eventually, I find my way back to Edward. Rose shows up balancing baby Willy and little Henry in her arms. Apparently it's time for bed, and I cry a lot when I have to say goodbye to the wee ones.
Edward kisses my temple and wipes at my tears. I smile ruefully, but crying doesn't seem quite as humiliating as it once did.
The party continues to rage around us, but I stay close to Edward. We watch all the people we love have a really great time with each other. Most of them appear to being using our move as an excuse to drink way too much. Edward murmurs funny things he sees, memories, and things he can't wait for in Boston in my ear.
Eventually, things die down. People filter out. Saying goodbye to some isn't really that big of a deal, saying goodbye to others makes me cry. Angela and I hug it out for a solid five minutes while out men-folk do the same. Jake lifts me off my feet, telling me not to do anything he wouldn't do. Phil kisses my cheek and I promise to email him regularly. Billy tells me to get in to just the right amount of trouble and says he's proud of me.
I cry a whole bunch more and let Edward comfort me. He is better at saying goodbye than I am which makes no fucking sense. But I guess he has probably been mentally preparing for this moment for months where I chose to let all these emotions sneak up on me.
Edward just scoffs at me when I tell him I feel ridiculous.
It's pretty late when the only ones left at the house on Goss are family. My family. The Cullen family who I'm one of as Bella Cullen. I snuggle up next to Edward on the love seat while all eight of us sit. Jasper starts telling college stories, starting with the detailed account of how Edward and I first met. I hide my blush in Edward's chest as Esme shakes her head. I suppose we are all old enough now that the rents finding out these things isn't too bad. But then Edward reminds Jazz what he was doing with Alice that night and Carlisle plugs his ears. The stories told are a little more PG after that.
Various people, myself included, fall asleep as conversation continues. Edward sits up beside me, announcing that its time to go. But I don't really want it to be time yet. I argue with him for a few minutes before falling a sleep again and finally agreeing that it is time to go.
The family goodbyes are the worst because I'll miss them the most, but they are also kinda the best because we are all connected. Despite geography, these people will always be connect to me through marriage or whatever, but also through love.
"How are you, love?" Edward murmurs in my ear as he holds me close in the elevator on the way up to our now empty apartment. This will be out last night in the home we've shared for the last couple years.
"I'm fine," I reply, snuggling into his side.
"Bella…" The man knows me far too well.
"Okay, I'm not totally fine," I admit with a huff, grabbing his hand and dragging him down the hall when the doors slide open. "I'm this weird combination of heartbroken and excited."
"Heartbroken?" Edward says with a gasp. He stops mid way through turning the key in the lock. "I don't want you to be heartbroken! This move is a terrible idea. We shouldn't go. It's probably too late to—"
"Baby," I interrupt as he freaks out. "Calm your pants. I want to go to Boston."
"But you're heartbroken!"
"Aren't you sad to say goodbye to your family? You've never lived without your siblings close by. You have to be a little bit sad."
"There is a difference between sad and heartbroken," Edward insists.
"Yeah…" I agree. "But it's different, for you and me."
"How so?"
"Well, I never really let myself have family before. It's only in the last couple of years I let myself actually love these people. I guess the way I feel about leaving all them reminds me of that. Plus, I'm a writer," I finish, smiling at him so he knows I really am okay. "We tend to have a flair for dramatic word choice."
He rolls his eyes at this before wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "I love you," Edward says, dropping a kiss on my forehead.
"Back at yah, bub," I reply, swatting at his hand to encourage him to unlock the apartment. "I really am excited for Boston, you know. We are long over due for a good adventure."
Edward pushes through our apartment door, flicking on the light and pulling me through the threshold behind him.
Our whole lives are packed away, either on route to our new place across the fucking country or in the Volvo, waiting to make the trip in the morning.
Waldo lifts his head from his position atop the fluffy pile of blankets in the corner of what used to be our living room. He huffs at us, probably irritated that all his favorite hiding spots are gone. Spending the night in our empty apartment is rather spooky. At least my cat understands that, unlike Edward who concocted this whole plan so we wouldn't have to stay with his insane siblings.
"It looks bigger without all our shit in it," I whisper to Edward as he shuts and locks the door behind us. He mimics my position in the entryway, crossing his arms over his chest and surveying the empty space. "I can't believe I painted that wall so red. Has it always been that fucking red?"
"Why are you whispering?" Edward replies, failing to give me an answer on the whole wall color thing.
"Dunno," I whisper back. "Doesn't it feel like we shouldn't be making any loud noises?"
Edward smiles, chuckles softly, and kisses my temple.
I brush my teeth at the kitchen sink so I can keep an eye on Edward while he sets up our bed and scratches Waldo's chin. This whole empty apartment thing is freaking me out, and I don't want to be on my own with the ghosts and the weird colored walls.
I mean, it is so fucking red.
When I'm done Edward has made us a nice little place to sleep and is sitting up against a wall in just his boxers with Waldo purring away in his lap.
I hope Waldo likes Boston. I hope I like Boston. I hope Edward likes Boston.
I pause for a moment and just smile at my little family. I did pretty fucking good for myself.
We're going to need to have last-time-in-this-apartment-sex now.
"Hi, hubs," I whisper, plopping down next to him and giving Waldo a good cuddle.
"Hi, wifey," he replies, talking at a normal volume.
"Shush!" I scold. "They'll hear you."
"Who?" he asks, murmuring in my ear. I giggle as he nibbles on my earlobe.
"The too red walls," I reply in my best horror story telling voice.
"You are so weird."
"You are so cute."
I kiss him for a while. There is no need to rush. He is mine forever.
"I wonder how many times we've had sex in this apartment," I whisper, throwing a leg over his lap and dislodging Waldo in the process. The kit kat hisses at me and scampers off. "Squillions of times, I bet."
Edward's big ol' hands cup my ass, pulling me forward on his lap so I'm sitting right on his big ol' dick. I grab his hair and lick his jaw. He has such a lovely jaw.
"So weird," Edward repeats. "And squillion is not a real number." I'm glad he's playing along with me now and whispering.
"I love you," I tell him before kissing him sweetly, tenderly. Edward runs his tongue along my bottom lip, and I open my mouth to him gladly as I tangle my fingers in his hair.
He has such lovely hair.
Edward mumbles his agreement against my mouth while one of his large, lovely hands slips under my black lace panties and the other splays across my belly. I roll my hips in a slow, circular motion, driving us both pretty damn crazy what with the friction and the under garments in the way and what not.
I remember that the hubs isn't wearing a shirt, so my hands check him out while my mouth detours to his neck. I check out all those places I know he likes with my fingertips and tongue. I even flick my thumbs over his nipples, eliciting a giggle from him, just as I knew I would.
It's quiet, as should be in this empty apartment. It's almost like we were never here at all. Maybe it's a good thing I paint that wall so red and the ones in our bedroom so yellow. Like we are leaving something of ourselves behind.
Edward smiles crookedly as he tugs on the hem of the t-shirt I pulled on not long ago and I put my arms straight in the air to help him out. There is quite a bit of boob dallying, and I moan in his ear while I tighten my grip on his hair. Edward's hips lift in a steady, slow rhythm as I continue to move with him, using my knees on either side of his legs.
We continue to move and moan and touch until I can't fucking stand it. Edward always knows just what I need, and starts to wiggle out of his underwear. This does great things for the contact between the wonder cock and my clit, causing me to moan too fucking loudly for this empty apartment.
"Shush," Edward whispers against my lips, teasing me. He wraps am arm around my waist, lifting me off him but pushing our naked chests together for one hot minute as he frees himself. He touches me, smirking when he feels just how wet I am before he moves my teeny, tiny panties out of the way. He goes up, I go down, and just like that we are joined, mind, body, and soul.
"Bella…"
"Oh…"
With a palm on his peck and the other tangled in the hair at the back of his head, I move, move, move my hips. Edward touches my chest and my back and my face. He doesn't even have to ask me to keep my eyes open. I watch every little play of emotion of his face and see the love in his eyes.
Fuck, he just feels so good and I just love him so much.
Edward's hips are lifting off the floor again and our slow pace is a thing of the past as we get there together. We do everything together.
This new beginning is together.
And then we come together.
I collapse against his shoulder and he collapses against the wall, taking me with him and whacking my forehead against the too red wall.
"Oof."
"Sorry, love."
"Worth it," I say, pushing my nose into his neck and tightening all four of my limbs around him.
"What if I can handle being a real doctor?" Edward whispers in a rush as we hold each other, and for a minute I'm not sure I hear him right the first time. I sit completely still for a moment before placing both my hands on the wall on either side of his head and pushing away so I can get a good look at his face.
He slips out of me and I'm not quite ready to end the blissed-out, cuddly bit, but Edward has obviously been keeping this fear to himself for a while.
The poor hubs looks all nervous and a little bit embarrassed too.
"Sweetheart," I saw with a shocked little laugh. "Where is this coming from? You rock the doctor stuff, got basically perfect grades in med school. Your are going to be the best surgical intern in the history of surgical interns."
"There is a big different between mastering test taking skills and being the best surgical intern in the history of surgical interns," he replies, scoffing at me.
"Mastering test taking skills!" I shout, kinda pissed at him for discounting his own smartness and drive and what not. "Dude, come on."
"Okay, I know it's not just that. I do work hard, but being there and doing it is a totally different situation. What if I can't deal with the pressure? People could die!" He is squeaking and wide eyed and so fucking adorable I can't help but drop a quick kiss on his nose.
"Baby, you're gonna be great. It'll probably be tough and overwhelming and scary as shit, but you'll manage. You'll figure it out and be learning a ton and doing what you always wanted to do. Doctoring is in your blood, babe. Plus, I'll me there the whole time supporting you good meals and blowies and stuff."
Edward laughs and relaxes slightly.
"You're going to be a life saving machine," I whisper, kissing both his eyelids when he closes his eyes.
"You are good at being married," Edward tells me.
"I'm good at being married to you," I correct, grinning at him.
"I love you," he murmurs.
"Back at yah, dude," I reply.
I yawn loudly, keenly aware that we have to get up at the ass crack of dawn. I'll probably have to drag Edward's ass to the car and take the first driving shift. That's going to be his biggest challenge on his road to doctordom, getting up early. Hubs is useless until about noon.
We snuggle down and fall asleep for the last time in our apartment. I cuddle close to Edward and think about the last couple of years here. My first botched attempt to talk to him after we slept together my first night back, spending the night with him when we were just friends, when he finally asked me to move in with him, and when the place officially became ours.
Good times.
Edward pushes his thumb in to that soft place right by my hipbone and I think about before that, my time away and college, everything we went through, the good and bad.
I wouldn't change anything because all that got me right here with Edward.
"You ready for this, love?" he asks, voice low and disconnected with sleep. "It's just you and me."
"Yeah," I reply, breathing him in deep. "It's a whole new world."
Dang, I feel like my child just grew up and moved out. This fic is totally my baby. Leave some love. Or hate. Or whatever. Please?