Chapter 2

Searching for a way

Silent tears were running down her cheeks when she awoke. The dormitory was already empty. With a glimpse to the clock she knew that breakfast was almost over. Hermione sat up, tightened her legs and laid her head on the knees. Seeing everything so clear once again…it really made her being broken. She stayed like this several minutes…but then she slowly lifted her head. Her gaze was thoughtful but also somehow sure. Her tears dried when she looked to one of the pictures. It was showing Fred. Smiling and surprisingly with a book in his hand. It has never been there before, has it…? Anyway it made her nodding and she also smiled a little bit.

Later on she stood in front of McGonagall's Bureau and knocked on the door. She was immediately asked to come in.

"Good morning Miss Granger. I hope your first night in Hogwarts was better than the nights before?"

"To be honest…not really, Professor. I've been dreaming of him again and…"

"I see." She sighed a bit "You'll for sure already know about our Room of Honour for the victims of the battle, won't you? There are hanging paintings which are, without a doubt, livelier than normal pictures are."

"Thank you but I think this would hurt even more."

"I understand. You know…originally I just wanted you to know that you can come to me at every time when you've worries. You have suffered a heavy loss and…maybe it would be good if you talked to someone who's not a Weasley or a Potter."

"…I don't think so. However…thank you very much, Professor. I'm sure I can do it…" Of course she didn't sound convincing. And McGonagall's gaze was also not really helping.

"Alright then. But you have to know one thing: It's not good living in the past only and wasting the own life with sorrow."

"I know. I'm just not ready to let it go yet." She said bitterly, clenching a fist to fight back new tears.

"This time will come. You may go now." Professor McGonagall accompanied her to the door. Without laying down her worry.

Maybe she also did good with it as Hermione was so quiet and kept herself to herself as she hadn't done for ages. She hurried from one lesson to the next one, always trying to ignore her friends' questions. Ginny's as much as Ron's or Harry's. And as soon as all lessons were over she ran to the library. She hurried making her homework – but of course they nevertheless were perfect – just to start reading one book after another. Searching for something special. It actually had nothing to do with their tests as Harry, Ron and Ginny were able to figure out.

Her secret, what she was searching for, however, wasn't really a secret for a long time. After almost one month in Hogwarts had passed, Ron and Harry were waiting in the common room for their best friend to come back. They wanted so make her telling the truth. So they grabbed her as soon as she had entered the common room and pulled her to the couch.

"Have you gone mad? Let me go I want to go to bed!" she bleated and gave them a bad look.

"We will when you told us what you're searching for when you're in the library!" said Harry with a strong voice.

"The compartments in which you're searching don't have anything to do with our exams so don't try lying to us!" warned Ron.

"You're crazy! You should know best that I read all kinds of books! That's just normal for me!"

"No, it actually is not! At the moment you're not normal, 'Mione!" Harry tried to sound a bit calmer.

She didn't say anything to this. She only punished them with another bad gaze.

"Come on, we're your best friends! We won't tell anybody!" Ron finally said.

"…You won't leave me before I told you, huh?" she sighed "Well…I'm searching for a special spell. Or for a potion. Something like that."

"What should it do?" asked Ron.

"It should bring back Fred. I want to bring him back to life. Not only for me but also for George…and your whole family, Ron." She noticed new tears in her eyes.

Harry's and Ron's mouths were open as wide as one could think they are going to touch the ground.

"Hermione, you know what Dumbledore said in our forth grade-" But she cut him off.

"There MUST be something! Something they are not allowed to teach us…something they are not even allowed to tell us about! I know it!" she said upset and ran upstairs to her dormitory.

"…Now she totally lost her mind." Mumbled Ron looking to the door Hermione had taken.

Different to what one would expect, the two boys went to Professor McGonagall and told her what Hermione was about to do two days later after lessons. The headmaster was shocked but she also assured them that she would take care of it and that there was no need to worry.

So it happened that Professor McGonagall visited the library on Friday evening just to find Hermione all alone there.

"Miss Granger?"

"Oh!" She looked up from her book. "Good evening, Professor."

"I hope you won't interrupt me as you had interrupted your friend Mr Potter." She ignored her student's confused gaze completely. "For heaven's sake, you have to stop this! You won't find a spell or a potion to bring the dead back to life. This is against every law, you know this! Muggle also can't change beloved people's death."

"So I have to develop a spell on my own. It can't be that difficult! And…why can't anybody understand me? I just want my heart to stop hurting…I want to feel him beside me!"

"Develop a spell?" Professor McGonagall sat down on a chair. She was shocked. "Miss Granger it would take years or even whole generations of work! Especially because it wouldn't be a fun-spell as those the Weasley-twins used to develop!"

"It's worth it…" mumbled Hermione and looked back to her books. Without paying attention to Professor McGonagall any longer.

Hogwarts' Headmaster just shook her head and left the library. Now she also was sure that Hermione had gone crazy.

Autumn came quickly. The leaves of the trees changed their colour into red and yellow. In the castle, however, nothing's changed. Not in a positive way. On the contrary…it became even worse…

One night, short time before Halloween, Hermione sneaked into the boys' dormitory. She opened Harry's trunk and took his Cloak of Invisibility out of it. It had to be. She had to do it this night. So she put on the cloak, sneaked out of the common room and then hurried to the library. Straight to the Restricted Section. This was her last chance to find a spell or a potion. If she doesn't find anything there she will develop a spell on her own. Also if it was the last thing she would do.

However she was prevented. When she was standing in front of one bookshelf someone pulled off her cloak so that Hermione turned around. A bit scarred for a moment. But then she saw Ginny standing in front of her. The redheaded girl gave her a serious look. Probably she had seen Hermione's wand glowing when she had left the dormitory and then followed her.

"Why are you doing this, 'Mione?" asked Ginny a second later.

"I-" But she was cut off.

"Don't even think about lying to me!"

"I…I just want him back. I can't live with his dead, Ginny. Your parents and George also can't. I just want…want us all to be happy again! I know that you go to the Room of Honour everyday to stand in front of his portrait since school has started. And…

"That's right…I miss my brother as much as everyone else and as you do. But you can't really want to step over all borders! Hadn't the Resurrection Stone shown that it's not good wanting dead people to come back to life?"

"You would do the same if you were me!" she said a bit louder and a tear ran down her cheek. She didn't see that her best friend had also tears in her eyes already.

"W…what?"

"If Harry had been the one who died you would have done the same now. You would also not have been able to live if you had lost him…and you would have wanted to change it, too!"

"…Maybe you're right. Maybe I would have. Alright…go looking around, I'll wait here. But…Hermione…please don't do anything you could regret one day. You have to promise!"

"Okay. I promise…but you also have to promise me that you won't tell Harry and Ron about tonight!"

"Sure I won't." After those simple words Ginny sat down on a chair and waited for Hermione to be ready. She was sure that her friend won't find anything. This was the only reason why she let her search.