POV: Jade

It's been just under a week since some crazy impulse forced me to go to Vega's house, and ever since then I've done everything in my power to avoid her. Being sure I was last to arrive to class and first out, ducking behind people in hallways whenever I saw her walking in my direction, ignoring phone calls, deleting texts, gluing myself to people's sides and striking up some tedious conversation just so I wouldn't be caught alone with her. It was pathetic really, but I couldn't face it. I couldn't face her and her questions and these… these feelings I got whenever I saw her.

Shealways made me feel something, ever since she first stepped into Hollywood Arts and that performance of Make it Shine blew my mind, although I'd never admit that out loud. I wasn't sure what it was I felt; it was like a fire that grew in the pit of my stomach, making me feel sick and near nervous at the same time. So I put it down to jealously and masked it all with hate so she wouldn't find out how she makes me feel. But now, I don't think I can hide it anymore, and that scares me more than the feeling itself.

I don't know what possessed me to text her that day, or what kept me hiding in my car for an hour, parked just around the corner from the Vega house, before I worked up the nerve to go to the front door. I swear, when no one answered the bell I almost turned and ran for it, but something kept me rooted to the spot, like my boots were suddenly filled with lead, and I remained on her porch, just waiting for someone to arrive. Then she jogged up, all happy and smiley and giggly. I hate how just the sight of her smile now made my breath hitch, it was usually something I'd try to wipe off her face but now it made me happy to see. What changed so suddenly? Just thinking about it made me crush the cup I'd been clinging to and automatically turn on my default mode- which, I suppose others would call 'bitch mode'- giving Tori a glare and snappy statements. It's a defence mechanism, something I have little to no control over, and sometimes I almost regretted it, especially when those sometimes involved her.

Something else I had little control over was my words. Things drop from my brain to my mouth without the thinking process in between, and that's what happened when I got there. I hadn't gone to Tori's to continuously tell her I hate her and the look on her face made me instantly regret it every time the little word escaped. On the surface she was just frustrated, but there was no hiding the disappointment and pain that lay behind her eyes, it made my heart lurch painfully against my ribs when I caught it. I hadn't gone over to play games with her, but that's just me, isn't it? Cold-hearted Jade West who cares for no one but herself. That wasn't true. That was never true. But that's what everyone saw.

And then I slipped and told her I wanted to kiss her. We almost did. Not just me initiating it, but Tori too. She leaned into me just as much as I to her… until her obnoxious brat of a sister had to choose that very moment to barge in.

So I ran.

There was no control over my feet as I raced back to my car and away from the Vega household to spend the next five days watching my every move just to avoid its youngest member and everything that had happened there.

I felt like such a coward as I sat at the table for lunch on Thursday, practically sat on Beck's lap as I tried to stay as close to him as possible, and as far away from the half-Latina who was just across from me. I glared at the burrito that Beck made me buy, but lay untouched on the plastic container, glancing up every so often to at the other occupants at the table, occasionally catching Tori's eye as she looked my way too, but I quickly broke the contact, I couldn't… I just couldn't look at her.

"Everything okay?" Beck muttered, nudging my side with his elbow and I flinched away slightly, not meaning too.

"Yes." I hissed, picking up the burrito and taking a forceful bite so I had an excuse not to answer anymore questions.

"So, anyone got any plans for the weekend?" Andre asked, obviously trying to break the awkward tension that had fallen over our usually chatty lunch table.

I tuned out, the chatter muffled around me but the occasional word slipping though: Rex mentioning something about Northridge, Andre talking about a song he's working on, but I noticed I wasn't the only one not listening. Vega was slumped next to Cat, one elbow on the table, cheek pressed to her palm as she toyed with her half eaten pizza slice and chewed anxiously at her bottom lip. It was only when she looked up from the table top and we made eye contact did I realise I was staring at her and the table had gone silent, I could feel the other four watching us as I just sat there, struck dumb from being caught staring at Vega without my usual malice. She cocked an eyebrow at me in question and out of the corner of my eye I saw Cat fighting back a smile.

"I was just checkin' out that ugly wart of yours." My reflex kicked in, insulting the youngest Vega to the best of its ability before I could think of anything myself. "But then I realised it was your face,"

I heard groans, sighs, my name being said in protest, but I'd already got up and left the table before anyone could tell me how much of a gank I was for saying that, yet not before I saw the hurt in those big brown eyes.

Xxx

"So, you comin' or not?"

School went by in a blur again and too soon I found myself stood by Beck's locker, waiting for him to put all of his stuff away so we can go. It's habit now, just to stand there with my coffee cup in hand, watching everyone else leave while he made his transparent locker perfect, but right now I wanted nothing more than to leave, too bad I needed a ride home.

"I dunno." I mumbled into the plastic lid of my drink before I took a sip.

"Come on, we haven't hung out in a while. Just me and you in the RV, okay?" Beck kicked his locker shut and lent against the ones above, his hands shoved deep in his pockets as he watched me for an answer.

I sighed. I probably should, he is my boyfriend after all…

"Fine." I stated. "But not for long."

He smiled and my heart flopped, not in any sort of good way, but in something that felt similar to guilt. I noticed the smile seemed a little forced compared to the usual relaxed grin he'd wear when I was around, and I knew it was my fault. I had to make it up to him.

"Let's go then." He said, nodding in the direction of the doors before pushing himself away from the lockers and walking that way, turning to watch me follow slowly in his wake.

I stuff my unfinished coffee into the nearest trash can before climbing into his car and enduring a too long, silent journey to his place, he hadn't even turned on the radio to mask the awkward. It shouldn't be this hard, two years together and now we sat side by side almost like strangers. He parked up and we went into his RV, him grabbing an apple and falling onto the couch with his feet up on his makeshift table while I collapsed half heartedly next to him.

He took a few small bites of his apple, chewing and swallowing slowly before shifting to sit up straight, placing the fruit down where his feet used to be. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Jade." He heaved a sigh, slipping an arm around my shoulder which I pull away from. "You've been distant all week. No, you've been distant for quite a while now, not just with me, but with everything. Tell me what's wrong."

"There's nothing to tell." My walls were up. Big metal walls that even my boyfriend couldn't tear down. Boyfriend; why did that word sound so wrong now? I could feel a sting in my eyes at the thought but I refused to show that weakness.

"There obviously is." Beck said with a quiet annoyance in his voice.

"Don't use that tone on me." I spat, my hands clenched into fist.

"Jade." He said, exasperated.

"Beck." I replied mockingly, unable to bite my tongue,

He slumped back in the chair, almost in defeat. "What's happened… between us? I know you're not exactly the most affection person in the world but lately I feel like you're slipping away from me."

All I could do was shrug. No, Beck. Please don't make me talk about this.

"Do you even want this anymore?" Beck asked, looking down at his hands.

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. My heart had leapt to my throat then dropped to my stomach in a matter of seconds and it felt like it was suffocating me. I knew the answer to his question, but I couldn't say it, I didn't want to say it-

"That's a no, then." He answered for me, his voice falling to something just above a whisper.

"I- I'm sorry." My words sounded strangled as they forced their way through.

"So it is a no!" His head snapped up to look at me and I shrank back at the look: hurt, anger, betrayal all staring back at me accusingly. He turned away again and ran his hand through his hair as he swallowed back a lump in his throat.

"I'm sorry." I repeated, not sure what else I could possibly say. I was too late to take it back now and, honestly, part of me felt like it was better this way, to end this before it got any worse, before I got any worse. Because I couldn't hide behind Beck forever.

I reached out a hand to his arm but he shrugged it away. "It's okay." He said calmly, taking in a deep breath. "I've known this was coming for a while now, I guess I just didn't want to face it."

He blew the breath out heavily and his fingers combed through his hair again, gripping at the back for a second as if it was steadying him. Fuck, this was painful. Beck and I had broken up a couple of times before, over stupid, insignificant little things, but we always came back to each other in the end. Only this time, everything seemed final, and I knew, once this conversation was over it was all over, and there was no going back.

"Beck?" I said weakly.

He shook his head, leaning forward a little to stare straight ahead of him, his hands laced together and resting between his knees. I saw a glint in the corner of his eye and it suddenly occurred to me that I had never once seen Beck cry before, not even fake tears on stage. Oh God, I didn't want to be the one to make him cry, never had I wanted him to shed tears, not over me, I'm not worth it.

A split second later he huffed out a short laugh and a smile appeared on his lips, not as forced as the one by his lockers, but there was still a hint of him putting it on.

"Yeah, things haven't been right for a while, have they?" It was more like a statement than a question. "I 'spose, things have to run their course in the end."

"Yeah." I murmured. I didn't know how to react; I'd never seriously broken up with someone before. The times with Beck were only results of arguments, a spur of the moment break up that I regretted as soon as I calmed down. But now the only regret I felt was for hurting him… and for feeling glad that this was it.

We sat in silence, letting it all sink in. The tears previously stinging my eyes had faded along with Beck's, and we were both surprisingly calm about everything. I don't know if that was better or worse than the over dramatic break ups you saw on the tv all the time, but it didn't feel good. After a while, he stood up, hands shoved into his jean pockets and a slight lean in his stance, the usual Beck look. I looked up from the spot on the floor I had been staring at and he shrugged at me, offering an unsure smile.

"So, you need a lift back?"

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I'll walk."

He looked concerned, quickly looking out of his windows then back at me. "It's getting kinda dark out, and you're house is quite a way from here. Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

He shrugged again as I got to my feet and shuffled towards the door. He followed awkwardly behind and stood leaning on the doorframe as I stepped out into the cool evening, turning back for a second to look at the man who used to be my boyfriend, the one I used to love, and, no matter how much of a gank I was to him, he loved me back. All good things come to an end, I guess, and now our time had run out with only a dull ache in my chest to mark the end.

"So, I'll see you at school tomorrow?" I said, surprised by how hushed my voice was.

"Yeah, see you at school."

And, like that, he was gone. Not completely out of my life as there seemed to be some unspoken agreement between us to remain friends. I could do that, we were still close enough to have a friendship emerge from the remains of our relationship, and it hadn't finished in a way that would mean one of us totally hated the other. Although, I felt I deserved his hatred. It was the least I deserved.

I turned away from the closed door and started my long trip home.

Xxx

I'd been walking for about an hour, my feet just taking me where ever they felt like going because I really wasn't concentrating on what I was doing. Nothing felt real. The only thing that registered in my mind was that dull ache that had settled somewhere between my heart and my lungs, simultaneously suffocating me, while somehow letting me know that I'd be able to breath freely again soon, new, fresh air that would help clear away the cobwebs that I'd tangled myself in.

It was getting darker. The odd streetlight flickered to life as I passed under them, my hands pushed to the very depths of my sweater pockets, my head hung low to avoid catching any unwanted attention from passers-by. I felt slightly cheesy; isn't this the part of the movie where it starts to rain? Just pour buckets down as the lonely, depressed character wanders through the streets, wallowing in their own misery. Was it even misery I felt? I didn't know anymore.

I continued my walk to wherever I was heading and a couple strolled past. They were side by side, the slightly shorter girl leaning her head on the boys shoulder as his arm hooked around her waist, pulling her in close to his body. I watched as their fingers entwined at her side and they went by, smiling lovingly at each other. That's when something cracked. Now the main character of this heartbreaking film realises what they're missing; it may not be the person they left behind, but everything they represented. Now I realised why I had been holding on to Beck for so long, it wasn't him, but the love and security he gave me, the arm around my shoulder to keep me grounded when I was about to do something stupid and the comfort of having someone by my side. He was my rock, purely because of everything he stood for.

Before I knew what was happening, I had fallen against the nearest wall, tears pouring down my face in uncontrollable streams. I didn't miss him, I missed all that. All that cheesy love stuff that I'd never admit to if anyone bothered to ask me. It had only been gone for a short while, but the knowledge that it wasn't coming back, at least not in the near future, grabbed me in an iron vice and squeezed my lungs so I could barely breathe. Contrary to popular belief, Jade West does have a heart, and it was currently in the process of breaking, splintering straight down the middle, and it hurt like fuck.

I don't know how long I had been shrunk in a ball against the brick wall I was using as a support, I could hardly even remember my own name, but the next thing I knew for sure was the pair of small, comforting hands that found their way to my own and held them tight. There was a quiet voice whispering soothing words my way as they picked me off the floor and bundled me into a car parked haphazardly at the side of the road and I was too weak to do anything but follow. Soon I lay on the soft back seats, my head in the persons lap as their fingers stroked through my hair. The smell of cherry filled me as I gasped for air to calm myself, wanting to sit up and stop being such a wreck, as well as wanting to see who had come to my rescue.

I opened my eyes, thankful that the only light was coming from the street lamps outside and the low, setting sun, and tried to take in my surroundings. The car, as far as I could see, was unfamiliar, but the hands above me felt like I knew them already, and I'm sure I recognised the denim of the skinny jeans I had my face pressed against. I turned slightly, just catching sight of a pair of big brown eyes gazing down at me before my mind went hazy and my eyes felt heavy with exhaustion. Next thing I knew I had fallen asleep in their arms, driving to who knows where and, frankly, I couldn't care less at the moment.

A/N: *Runs hand through hair* Phew! That was heavy...
It kinda just poured out of me without much thinking, so I hope it's all turned out as well as it read to me... I feel it may be a little rushed, but I dunno. Tell me what you think?
I promise the next chapter won't be as heavy, maybe even a little fluffy ;)

alwaysjustme15: Yeah, I noticed that Jade/Liz's eyes are blue, but I called them green before I noticed, and a lot of people say her eyes are green, so I'm going to stick to it for this story at least. Besides, I love green eyes xD

Well, hope you liked!