Thank you guys for your wonderful reviews.. Since i am still in vacations can't really answer to each everyone of you, usually i do.. So thank you you all..
Chapter 11
Spencer's POV
I have always knew what I wanted.. And whatever I wanted I had it.. I wanted to study medicine, I did. I wanted to be with a girl I liked, I had her.. Without sounding cocky.. But it was true..
When I decided to come here during war time it was something I didn't think.. It was something I did in split seconds.. I said I would go and at the same moment I came in contact with the right people.. Simple.. But yet these last months I don't know what to do..
I find myself thinking of Ashley all the time.. Even when I am with a patient I am thinking of her and how she is doing.. I think people noticed.. Especially Marie.. Marie was one of my flings.. We both knew that what we did meant nothing.. We just needed our backs to be scratched.. That's all.. But I see how she looks at me, especially when I am with Ashley.. She didn't say anything yet though.. Maybe that's for the best..
But I can't explain why I feel for Ashley that way.. It's something that pulls me close to her and the closer she pulls me the harder it becomes for me.. The day we were outside watching the dawn together it was so hard for me not to kiss her, not to touch her.. But I couldn't.. It wasn't easy for lots of reasons.. And the most important was that I didn't know if she liked girls or not.. And how she would react if I kissed her?
I never wanted to hide my sexuality.. If I could I would go out right now and yell that I loved women.. But the moment I would do that everyone would stop for a moment and then they would throw rocks at me.. That's how our time and age is.. We are afraid what we don't understand.. And two women or two men being together is something that scares people.. I never understood why.. Why I had to hide who I was.. Why I had to see my girlfriend only in places were no one would see us holding hands.. Why.. I am a dreamer.. But I hope that in future that will change..
If someone told me to describe the girl of my dreams I would say that I just can't.. You never know who you are going to love or like.. It's just the person you are falling in love with.. Do the looks play a big role to that? I am not going to lie.. Of course it does.. But at the end it's not only that.. It's the simple talks you have with this person, the way they look at you, the gestures, the smile they put on your face.. And if they make you happy then even better..
But if you told me how Ashley makes me feel I would tell you that she just makes me feel alive again.. For two years I felt nothing.. Yet, the moment she opened those brown eyes she captured me.. Yes, she is beautiful but its not only that.. She is smart, she makes smile, and I like spending time with her.. Sometimes we are staring each other for seconds and I feel that she can see through me.. Like she knows how I feel.. So that's why I don't know what to do.. I am confused and I think that I am starting to fall for her and tomorrow she is leaving.. She is going back to her base.. Perfect..
"Hey stranger.. What are you doing here all alone?" Ashley said from behind me.. I was sitting outside at the little garden we had..
"Just relaxing and doing some thinking.." she came and sat right next to me..
"Mmm.. I can't help you with thinking but I can relax here with you if you want me to"
"Relaxing.. Sounds nice.. So how are you feeling that you are going back to your base?"
"I don't know actually.. My feelings are mixed.. From the one hand I want to go because I know that every kind of help is needed.. But from the other hand.."
"From the other hand what?" I turned my face to look at her.. She seemed sad.. Couldn't put my finger to what she was feeling..
"From the other hand is that.. I don't know.. I guess I am scared.." for some reason I don't know, I believe that it wasn't what she wanted to say..
"You are a strong girl Ashley.. And you are going to do great.."
"I guess.. And its not only that.. It's that I.."
"Spencer.. Come inside.. We need you.. He is bleeding again.." I looked at her with a sorry look and I got inside..
Ashley was here three whole months.. The one month she was unconscious and the two others she was just recovering from her wounds.. And these two months I came to know her, like her, enjoy her company and start falling for her.. Ashley was an amazing person in and out..
"Spencer, we tried everything.. He started having seizures and the stitches broke.. We couldn't stop the bleeding.."
"Alright.. George.. George.. Where the fuck is he?"
"I am here.. I am here.."
"Help me with this.. Hold him while I am going to give him something to stop the seizure.. Where is everyone?"
"I don't know.."
"For God shake.. Where they think they are? We are on a war god dammit.. Go find everyone.. Now"
Sometimes I felt that some people were here for vacations.. The moment they would see that nothing was going on they would vanish.. Going to do who knows what..
"Now help me stitch him again.."
Once I finished I found myself walking to where Ashley was sitting.. She was reading a book I gave her the other day..
"Hey" she greeted me with that beautiful smile of hers and left the book right next to her..
"Hey.."
"You seem.. Stressed.."
"You think?"
"What can I do to help you release that stress?" oh no she didn't.. If only she knew what she just said and if only I could give her the answer I had on my mind..
"Ehm.. It's ok.."
"No, its not.." she said and came right next to me putting her hands on my shoulders massaging me.. It felt so good.. " See, you are really stressed.. You must stop thinking too much.."
When she did that I saw how some men looked at us and that scared me.. Not for me but for Ashley..
"It's ok.. Thanks Ash.." I said while holding her hand.. "Thank you very much.. It helped already.."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I am.."
I haven't told her about me yet.. I didn't know what she would say or how she would feel but tomorrow it would be her last day here and I wouldn't see her again.. So as always I didn't think.. I acted..
"Maybe tonight we could meet outside and watch the dawn again together?"
"I would love that.. Who knows when I am going to watch the dawn in France again?"
"Find me outside round 5am ok?"
"Ok.. See you later.."
I didn't want to cause any other commotion to the men around us so I didn't go by her bed at 12.30 as I usually did.. Instead at 5am I was outside waiting for her.. And at 4am sharp she came outside and sat right next to me..
"Ash.."
"You called me Ash.. It's the second time.."
"I know.."
"I like it.."
"I haven't told you some stuff about me.. And although its not the right time I just wanted to tell you.. I wanted you to know.."
"Ok.."
"Ehm.. I don't know how to say that.. Please don't freak out.. It's still me.. The same person.. I am still Spencer.."
"Now you are scaring me.. What is it?" she said and touched my hands..
"I.. I am a lesbian.." she looked at me in the eyes still holding my hands but she didn't say anything.. She was just there looking at me.. "Say something please"
"A lesbian? Like a lesbian lesbian? Like you and another woman lesbian?"
"Yes.."
"Like making love to another woman lesbian?"
"Yes, that kind of a lesbian.. I don't know if there are kinds.." she removed her hands from mine and got up from where she was sitting.. I heard her though saying something in the words of 'Oh my God' before she get up..
"Ashley.."
"Just give me a second please.."
When she finally looked at me she came and bended right infront of me touching again my hands..
"Why? Why you didn't tell me sooner?"
"I couldn't.. It's not something you say after you introduce yourself Ashley.. I was scared"
"Of me?"
"Of your reaction.. And I still can't understand what your reaction is.."
"Why now? Why not all these months?"
"I don't know.. Maybe because you would leave tomorrow and I wouldn't see you again.."
"I thought you knew me better.. Spencer, you are very special to me.. You thought that you wouldn't hear from me again?"
"Yes"
"You were wrong.. Because I was planning to write to you.. Maybe it was you that didn't want to keep contact with me.."
"No, that's not true.. I.."
"And you didn't trust me enough to tell me something that important.."
"No, Ashley.. Believe me.. It's not that.. It's.." it was now or never.. I didn't know what got me but in a second my lips were on hers and I was kissing her.. And what surprised me was that she didn't push me back.. Instead she was kissing me as well.. I did kiss a lot of girls but that kiss right now was one of the best I ever had..
"Wow"
"Yes.. That's why I didn't tell you.."
"I kissed a girl.." she said and touched her lips with her fingers.. "I kissed a girl and it never felt more real.." she said again and looked at me.. "Look at the sky.. It's your favorite part.. Dark and day at the same time"
"Indeed.."
"Beautiful isn't it? But I am going to tell you a secret.. It's much better when you share it with someone you care about" she quoted what I told her weeks ago..
"I think I know.." we both came closer and she laid her head on my shoulder while she was holding my hand..
What tomorrow would bring I don't know.. The only thing I knew was that I kissed Ashley and she kissed me back.. And something more important that I wanted to forget.. Tomorrow Ashley was leaving..
TBC
Reviews are always welcome..
A/N.. Last update unfortunately.. Next one will be once i am back.. Take care and i hope you remember me and my story in a week.. :p See you soon