Hey guys.. I am back to writing and unfortunately back to work.. But i had a great summer.. Thank you all for your reviews..

Chapter 12

Ashley's POV

Life is just unpredictable.. You don't know what tomorrow holds for you.. You just wake up and wait to find out.. Some things you plan.. Some things you are not.. Some things you already know and some other are still a big mystery.. They say that a kiss can tell you a lot.. And in my twenty two years of age I kissed only two people.. It was a kiss with a man and a woman.. Aiden and Spencer.. I can easily describe to you both first times.. But only one of them made me feel something.. Fireworks.. It was that kiss that awakes all your senses.. And that kiss was with Spencer..

All my life I knew I was different.. I could feel it but I didn't know what was it.. At first I thought it was me wanting to become a pilot.. Of course that would make me different in the eyes of other people, but.. There was always that but in the back of my head.. I liked men.. I did.. Aiden is handsome and all the other young men my mother wanted me to marry were handsome but I couldn't feel anything for them.. Yet I found myself looking at Spencer and it just clicked.. I could picture her lips when I would close my eyes at night.. She would be the first person I would think about in the morning.. And most of all I would wait for her to find me by my bed at 12.30pm at night.. I was starting to have feelings for someone and that someone was a girl..

I read a lot.. I was always searching for things that people liked to hide and were controversial.. And I knew the term lesbian.. I knew what that meant.. I read Greek mythology and all that stuff.. Women falling for women.. And since I was feeling like that for Spencer what that made me? I questioned myself so many times but since I couldn't give an answer to myself I stopped questioning.. At the end it was how I was feeling for Spencer.. Spencer would never be like that.. Who would in this time? And I was wondering.. Were there any other women that felt like me? And if there were.. Where were they? Most of all I was hating myself because I was starting to forget Aiden.. The man who helped me come here, who gave up his family because he took my side, the man who respected me.. But my mind was occupied with her..

Tomorrow would be my last day here.. I was already too long at this hospital.. My feelings were mixed.. I didn't want to go because that meant that I wouldn't see her again but from the other hand I needed to go because that was what I was doing here after all.. I was a pilot and my duty was to help..

When she came by my bed later that day she seemed stressed and I really wanted to make her feel better.. Or more likely I wanted to feel her smooth skin under my fingers.. The last couple of days I kept catching myself wanting to touch her.. Feel her.. And these last couple of days it was getting harder and harder not to..

"You seem.. Stressed.."

"You think?"

"What can I do to help you release that stress?"

"Ehm.. It's ok.."

"No, its not.." I said and I started massaging her neck.. " See, you are really stressed.. You must stop thinking too much.." while I was massaging her and she was starting to relax I saw her flinch.. She touched my hand and held it there..

"It's ok.. Thanks Ash.. Thank you very much.. It helped already.."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I am.."

I didn't know what that was.. Maybe she didn't want me to massage her.. But I could feel she liked it.. I didn't look more into that though..

"Maybe tonight we could meet outside and watch the dawn again together?" she said while getting up from my bed.. How I could say no to those beautiful blue eyes of hers..

"I would love that.. Who knows when I am going to watch the dawn in France again?"

"Find me outside round 5am ok?"

"Ok.. See you later.."

She didn't came from my bed as she usually did at 12.30 but I would see her at 5am when everyone would be asleep.. And it would be just us..

I didn't sleep that night.. Instead I kept checking my watch.. At 5am I found her waiting for me outside and like I usually did I sat right next to her..

"Ash.." she said with a smile.. God I would miss that smile..

"You called me Ash.. It's the second time.."

"I know.."

"I like it.."

"I haven't told you some stuff about me.. And although its not the right time I just wanted to tell you.. I wanted you to know.."

"Ok.."

"Ehm.. I don't know how to say that.. Please don't freak out.. It's still me.. The same person.. I am still Spencer.."

She sounded weird.. Like she wanted to tell me something so important but she couldn't find the words.. And when she did the only thing I could hear was 'lesbian'.. I was in shock.. Like all I could hear was that.. And it's not that I didn't know what that was but I kept repeating the word like it was something bad.. And it wasn't.. Because one of my questions was answered and she liked girls.. And I might had a chance.. But who I was kidding.. She would never.. And I couldn't.. I was married..

"Why? Why you didn't tell me sooner?"

"I couldn't.. It's not something you say after you introduce yourself Ashley.. I was scared"

"Of me?"

"Of your reaction.. And I still can't understand what your reaction is.."

"Why now? Why not all these months?"

"I don't know.. Maybe because you would leave tomorrow and I wouldn't see you again.."

"I thought you knew me better.. Spencer, you are very special to me.. You thought that you wouldn't hear from me again?"

"Yes"

"You were wrong.. Because I was planning to write to you.. Maybe it was you that didn't want to keep contact with me.."

"No, that's not true.. I.."

"And you didn't trust me enough to tell me something that important.."

"No, Ashley.. Believe me.. It's not that.. It's.." and like that I felt her lips on mine.. Soft lips kissing me and I was kissing her back.. And all I could think of was that I wanted more, more of her, more of her lips.. I didn't want to let her go.. But she was the one who did.. And I realized I had my eyes closed..

"Wow"

"Yes.. That's why I didn't tell you.."

"I kissed a girl.. I kissed a girl and it never felt more real.." it was the only real thing in my life right now.. I realized why I was feeling different, why I wanted to become a pilot, why I was feeling that way for her when I never felt anything for any other.. "Look at the sky.. It's your favorite part of the day.. Night and day at the same time"

"Indeed.."

"Beautiful isn't it? But I am going to tell you a secret.. It's much better when you share it with someone you care about"

"I think I know.."

We stayed there holding hands till the sun was up.. With me laying on her shoulder kissing her neck every ten seconds because I couldn't get enough of her.. And when I did she was looking back at me kissing me softly on my lips.. At that right moment it was me and her.. No one could invade in my mind.. I forgot all about who I was.. Because I was Ashley Dennison, wife of Aiden Dennison.. But with her I was just Ashley..

"I can't believe you didn't tell me Spencer.."

"Well.. I can't believe you kissed me.."

"You kissed me first though.."

"And you kissed me back.."

"Not the point.. If you told me a month ago, if I knew.."

"Ash, you never know what would happen.. And to tell you the truth I wasn't ready to tell you tonight either.."

"Aren't you glad that you did?" she got up from where she was sitting and didn't look back.. I got up and came from behind her, holding her, resting my head on her back.. "Aren't you?"

"Yes and no.. Yes because now I got to know how is to kiss you, to feel you, taste you and no because now I have to lose you, I have to let you go.. Now I will be scared every day, afraid that something will happen to you, pray that when they will bring a pilot it's not going to be you.."

"Spence.. Look at me.." when she turned she was already crying.. I cupped her face and kissed all her tears.. I didn't want her to cry or to be scared.. "I wish we had more time.. I wish you told me before, and I wish I made a move.. But I didn't know what I was feeling as well.. All I knew was that I wanted you near me.. And believe me when I say, that while being in this war for almost a year I never felt more giving up than now.. I want to stay here with you.. I don't want to lose you now that I found you.."

"You are not going to lose me.."

"And you are not going to lose me.." I said and this time I was the one who was kissing her.. And she was kissing me back..

"We have to get inside.. In a few hours you have to leave.."

"I wish I didn't have to.. I can always go and break something.. A leg, an arm.. That way I can stay.." between tears she laughed.. I was kidding but that made her smile..

"Please don't.. As much as I would like to have you here.. We should get inside.."

"We should.."

Once inside I wanted to go outside again where everything felt easier.. Where it was only her and I..

At 9am they were here to bring me back to England.. They made sure that I could fly and that I was ok considering I was unconscious for a month.. When Albert assured them that everything was perfect I took my sack and searched for Spencer.. She was nowhere to be found.. She was the only person I wanted to see but she was nowhere near..

"Can we please wait?"

"Davies, we can't.. We need to be in England in 1200 hours.."

"Yes sir"

While I was walking to the plane I heard Spencer calling my name.. When I turned I had a huge smile on my face..

"Hello sir.. Spencer Carlin.. I was one of Ms Davies doctors" he didn't say anything but I could see his face.. He wasn't someone who liked to talk..

"You forgot your book.." I were to say that my book was inside my sack but I realized that she was giving me another one..

"Thanks"

"Take care.." in that moment I wanted to hug her and kiss her but I couldn't.. My last kiss was out in the garden watching the sun rise..

"Yes ma'am" I saluted her like I would to one of my superiors and gave her a smile only she could understand.. Once inside the plane I looked what was the book she gave me.. 'Wuthering heights'.. I read this book more than one time and I always wanted to find that love.. Who wouldn't.. 'Cannot live without my life, cannot live without my soul'. When I opened it there was a letter.. I wanted nothing more than to read it right at this moment but I would read it later when we would be back in England.. When I would be away from where Spencer was because that way I would feel closer to her..

At 1200 hours indeed we were back and the girls who weren't out in battle greeted me with hugs and 'hope you are well and ready to fly again'.. They told me that I would be in the air again tomorrow and they were glad to have me back.. But my mind was in France and into those beautiful blue eyes.. And when the night fell and I was in my bed the first thing I did was to open the book Spencer gave me and read her letter..

'Ash,

I wish there was some other way to say goodbye to you today.. The hours we spent together felt like moments.. I wish I had more time.. I wish we had more time.. You and I.. I miss you already, I want you to know that.. Even if I know you for three months I have to say that these months were the best of my life.. You brought the best in me.. You made me feel alive.. I don't know how I will bare not to have you here.. Touch you and kiss you.. Please be careful out there.. I don't want to find out that something happened to you.. I want to be able to hope that someday we will see each other again.. Till then, please write to me.. Be safe..

With love,

Spencer..'

TBC

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