Chapter 14
Spencer's POV
When the soldier came inside and asked for me I was curious about what he wanted.. All he said was that one of my patients was outside.. I didn't understand why this so called patient couldn't come inside and find me but I didn't think more about it.. I went outside and when I opened the door there she was, with her uniform and her long brown her in a ponytail.. She was here.. I couldn't help but smile.. After four longing months she was here.. I stepped closer to her and whispered her name..
"Ash"
"Hey you.." she said matching my own smile.. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and kiss her but I couldn't..
"How? When? You didn't tell me in your last letter"
"We found out yesterday that we were needed here.. I am going to stay only for four days.."
"Four months away, and four days here.. It sounds ironic" she came closer and put her hands on my hips.. If she would get any closer I would kiss her right here, without caring who would see us..
"I missed you Spence.. Every day I was missing you.." now her head was in the crook of my neck.. Her breathing was making me feel goosebumps..
"Aaaasshh.."
"I know.. I feel the same.." we both wanted to kiss.. I wanted nothing more than to feel her luscious lips on mine once more..
"We can't here.. Everyone is still up.. Wait for me.. I'll come and find you in our garden at 3am"
"I have to be back by six.."
"Only three hours.. It's better than nothing.. Wait for me.."
"I will.."
I couldn't believe she was here.. I couldn't stay here one more minute knowing that she was there waiting for me.. If only I could leave right now.. If only..
The time was passing by so slow.. I was being professional and I was doing what I was supposed to do but the moment I was ready to leave something would happen and they would call me back.. Like they knew the need I had to leave.. All I could hear was 'Spencer come here, Spencer he is bleeding, Spencer we need you' and although Ashley was outside and I wanted nothing more to be with her I had to be here as well and be the doctor I promised to be..
When I finished it was already 4am and Ashley was still there waiting for me.. She seemed tired.. I sat right next to her and held her hand..
"Are you ready to go?"
"Of course" she said and smiled to me..
My apartment wasn't that far away but I had my car and we were there in les than ten minutes.. It wasn't anything big.. It was only me after all.. Once I opened the door she took me in her arms closing the door with her foot and pushing me against it.. Her kisses were passionate.. The need to breath was already gone.. We didn't need to.. I was keep kissing her like there was no tomorrow.. And like our first kiss was tender and soft these kisses were.. I can't even find the word..
"God I missed your lips.. There were all I could think about.." she was kissing my neck and I could feel her teeth.. She was biting and sucking and I am sure that tomorrow I would have a hickey.. I didn't care..
"I missed you too.." I took her hand and we sat on my couch.. All I knew was that I wanted her so much but from the other hand I knew it was her first time with a girl.. I wanted to feel her but I didn't want to pressure her or scare her.. As much as I wanted all these I would rather kiss her and talk to her.. She would be here after all for only four days..
"Aaaassh.."
"Hmmm.."
"I don't want to stop kissing you but I want to talk to you as well.. I want to hear your voice.. I missed your voice"
"You are right.. I am sorry.. I just got distracted by your natural beauty.."
"Come here" I cupped her face and kissed her again.. "Will I be able to see you again?"
"I don't know Spence.. Tomorrow I have to cover up for one of the girls.. Today she was covering up for me.. You are not that far though from the base.. Maybe we could see each other again.."
"I would like that.."
We sat there with her in my arms and I was stroking her beautiful curls that now were down.. She was telling about the four months that we were apart, the letters she was patiently waiting from me and the smile she got every time she would read them.. She told me how it was out there and I told her how it was here without her.. Her bed now was occupied by a young soldier that thank God survived.. He lost his hand but he was alive and that was the most important..
I wanted to ask her what we were. There were so many questions I needed to ask but how could I? I knew what I was feeling and apparently she felt the same but where that would leave us tomorrow? We would see each other I don't know when again, we would kiss and then what?
"You are thinking again Spence.."
"Hmm.. Maybe"
"You know that maybe usually means yes.."
"And who says that?"
"I do.. So a penny for your thoughts.."
"They worth more than a penny.."
"Then, would you like to share your thoughts with me?"
"I don't know Ash.. You are here for four days.. There is no need to"
"Try me.."
It was now or never.. What if I would choose never? But never would mean that I would treat her like any other fling I had.. And Ashley wasn't like them.. I was in love with Ashley..
"I was just thinking.."
"Thinking it's not always the best.."
"Will you let me finish?"
"Yes, I am sorry.. I like it when you are strict like that"
"Ashley.."
"Sorry again.. You may continue.."
"Thank you.. As I was saying.. I was thinking about us.. Ash.. I am in love with you.. I don't know if it seems to soon for you but it's the truth.. So what I was thinking is that I don't know some things about you, I don't know if you feel the same, or if you are willing to try to be with me.. I don't want to scare you or anything.. But.." I felt her fingers on my lips stopping me from my rumbling..
"I feel the same.. I am in love with you.. For God shake, the first thing I did once I landed was to find a way to come to you.. To see you.. I don't know if its soon or not but what I feel it's true too.. But.."
"But.. Mmm, I never liked phrases that start like that.." she got up from where she was sitting and was facing now the window.. I realized she needed space and I gave it to her..
"You are right.. You don't know lots of things about me.. You don't know because I never told you.. But there is one thing I was avoiding all this long.." when she said that I couldn't understand what she meant but I let her continue.. Now she was looking at me.. "I lied to you.. It wasn't really a lie because you never asked me and I never told you.."
"Ash what is it.."
"I am going to tell you everything from the start and then hopefully you will still want me or like me.."
Once she started I was trying to keep up with her and remember everything she said.. Her father was the major of New York, her family was rich, she wanted to become a pilot since she was sixteen years old but she couldn't and when she found out that she could her parents prohibit it.. Her only escape was to get marry.. Something she was avoiding all these years because she didn't want to..
"So you are married.."
"Yes.."
"I specifically remember one day that you were writing a letter and I asked you if you were writing to your family or husband.. And you said family.."
"But Aiden is family.. Isn't it?"
"Why you didn't tell me?"
"I don't know.. Maybe because I am known as Ashley Davies in the base and not Ashley Dennison.. Maybe because I wanted to forget that I was married because it wasn't something I wanted but something I needed in order to escape my life.. I feel ashamed for what I am doing to Aiden.. He is a great man Spence.. I just wish I felt the same way I feel about you.."
"I don't know.. This.. Is too much.. I don't know Ash.." she now was on my feet hugging me and crying.. I couldn't see her cry and I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her that everything would be ok.. But could it be actually?
"Please.. I don't know what to do Spence.. I don't know.."
"I wish I could tell you what to do but I can't.. I wish you would have told me sooner.."
"What would happen if I did?"
"I am asking myself if I would still fall in love with you.. Maybe I would but at least I wouldn't keep my hopes up.."
"Don't say things like that Spence.. Please.. I am so totally in love with you that hurts.."
"You don't know how much it hurts me as well.. And it's close to six.. You need to go back.."
"Spence.. Tell me this is not over.."
"It would be over if it started from the beginning.."
"Spence" she looked at me with tears in her eyes.. As I was looking at her I couldn't help but to answer in my head my own questions.. 'Did I want her out of my life? No. Did I want to kiss her? Yes. Would it be difficult to be with her knowing that she was married? Of course..' But one question kept playing in my head.. 'Could you stop loving her? No'
"Go and we will talk soon.."
"Please.. Tell me it is not over.." I did something I didn't believe I would do minutes ago.. I kissed her reassuring her that it wasn't over.. But I needed to think some things and she needed to do the same..
"Ash, I am going to tell you again.. I am in love with you.. I want to be with you.. I am willing to wait for you but you need to think some things as well.. What you are doing it's not fair neither to Aiden nor to me.. At some point you will have to choose.. Now go.. I don't want you to be late.. If you can't come to see me at the hospital I will wait for you here.. Till the day that you will have to leave I will be here every night.. Now go.. See you soon.."
When she left I let my tears fall.. Last time I cried for someone I cared for was for Alex.. And that was almost three years ago..
TBC
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