Hey guys.. Sorry for not updating all these days but it was hectic at work.. It's going to be like that the whole week so probably i am not going to be able to update often.. If i find time i will.. Also i didn't have time to reread the chapter so forgive any mistakes you will see..
Chapter 15
Ashley's POV
Sometimes we are doing what is the best for the other people in our life but at the end are we doing the best thing? Because I realize as time comes that what we are doing is the best thing for us.. We just translate it differently..
I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell Spencer the truth about me but I knew that she deserved it.. She already had opened herself to me more than once and I was letting myself fall deeper and deeper without actually telling her something that was a big part for me.. I thought it was the best for her not to know but at the end it was the best for me.. Because that way I could feel that I wasn't married, I wouldn't be that Ashley.. It would be me.. And now here I am.. Not knowing what is going to happen because I didn't tell her..
All the way back to the base I was crying.. I couldn't stop the tears falling from MY eyes.. They were warm, burning my skin.. In my mind only one question kept playing.. Was it really over? But if Spencer could hear me she would say the same thing again.. 'Something is not over if it never started from the beginning'..
It was after six when I arrived at the base.. I was late and I hoped that no one could see me but I wasn't lucky enough..
"Davies, get your ass back here immediately.."
"I am sorry I am late Mendez"
"Late? Do you know how many times they asked for you and I had to lie? Jeeze"
"I am sorry.. It will never happen again.. Thanks for covering me"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"You are eyes are puffy.. You were crying.. What happened?"
"Don't want to talk about it.. Going to get ready"
"Be ready in 3min exactly.."
How I finished my day I don't know.. I was doing robotic moves, without thinking just mechanically.. I would salut when it was needed, I would walk when I had to but my mind was already somewhere else.. I just couldn't wait for the day to finish so I could lay down..
"Davies, you are covering for me tonight. Right?"
"Yes, Mendez.. That was the arrangement, wasn't it?"
"Just saying.."
"It's ok.. Go wherever you have to go"
"In our last trip here I met a soldier.. He is from France and he is so cute.."
"Really now.."
"I really like him.."
"Go to your soldier then.. But before you leave can you please give this letter to the hospital that is near the base?"
"To whom exactly?" I thought before I answer.. What could I say really? I met this girl and I am in love with her and by the way she the doctor who treated me and she is American?
"It's a thank you letter to my doctor who treated me last time I was here.. So if you wouldn't mind.."
"No problem.."
"Thanks.."
During the day I managed to find some minutes to write down what I was feeling to Spencer.. I didn't know if it was the right thing but it was the only thing I could do.. In that letter I wrote every feeling, every thought, every hope I had.. And it was the truth and nothing but the truth.. But still my problem was that I didn't know what to do.. My heart was going to Spencer but my mind was going to Aiden.. And Spencer was right.. I couldn't do this to none of them.. It wasn't fair to both of them..
The same night I didn't sleep.. The thoughts of what to come kept me up.. Mendez came just before six all happy and with a big smile.. Someone really had a fun night..
"Did you enjoy your night?"
"I did.. It was so.."
"Good?"
"Aha, that's what I call a French kiss.."
"Only a French kiss? You disappoint me Mendez"
"Shut up.. Thanks for covering me.. And by the way.. That Spencer Carlin girl, your doctor, she is really nice.."
"She is.." I said and started getting up..
"She told me to tell you something about the dawn.." I knew what she meant by that.. We shared moments like this a couple of times but beside that word it was the fact that she was telling me with her way that she really cared for me..
"Thanks.. Now lets go"
We were two days here and while our third was coming to an end all I could think off was her.. I wanted to go and find her to her apartment.. She said she would wait for me there every night..
"Mendez? Can you cover for me again tonight?"
"Mmm.. I am going out because I have a French soldier.. Why you are going out Ms Davies?" I was debating to tell her but I didn't know how she would take it.. "Let me guess.. There is a blond girl, a doctor, and gorgeous.. Maybe that's your reason going out.. Am I right?"
"Mendez.."
"It's ok with me Davies.. I did worse stuff before I come here.. So its ok.. Go to your girl.. We are leaving tomorrow and who knows when we are going to see them again.."
"Thanks.."
"Thank me later.. Now go.."
It was after 12am and I didn't know if Spencer would be there.. If she wasn't I would wait outside sitting on her steps wait for her.. It was my last night here.. And as Mendez said I didn't know when I would see her again.. I was waiting for an hour till I saw her from afar walking trying to find her keys.. When she saw me she stopped and looked at me.. I stood up and waited for her to come by her door..
"I was waiting for you.."
"I see.."
"You got my letter?"
"I did.. It was beautiful.. How long can you stay?"
"Till 6am.. As always.."
"Come inside.. It's cold.."
We didn't hug, we didn't kiss but I couldn't ask for anything after all.. Not that I didn't want to kiss her.. It was all I could think about..
"How was at the hospital today?"
"Hectic as always. How was your day?"
"The same.. Spencer.. What I said to that letter I meant everything.."
"Ash.."
"No, just let me finish.. I am not going to lie to you.. You don't deserve any lie.. I don't know what to do.. I want to be with you but I can't do this to Aiden.."
"Unfortunately you can't have both though Ash.. I care for you, I am already in love with you, I am willing to wait for you if I know that someday you will decide you want to be with me.. I just don't know how long that is going to be.. A month? A year? Two years?.. I don't know.."
"I wouldn't ask you to wait for me.."
"You wouldn't but I would wait for you because.. I can't explain it.. I never ever felt this way for anyone in my life.. Alex was my girlfriend of two years but now that I am thinking about it it hurts more letting you go than actually her breaking up with me.."
"Don't let me go.. I don't want to go.."
"You can't stay either.. So where that actually take us?"
"I wish I could tell you.." she cupped my face and kissed me.. I needed that so much.. I wanted to feel that closeness that only with her I had.. I didn't want to let her go.. But I couldn't stay either..
"You are living tomorrow and who knows when we are going to see each other again.."
"I know.."
"Listen to me.. Ok?" I just nodded.. "You, Ashley Davies Dennison, are the most unique person I met.. You managed to make my heart beat again.. You made me fall in love and thank you for that.. Maybe it's not our time yet.. Maybe in the future.. Who knows? I am letting you go tonight but I am not letting you go forever.. I will still be here and I want you to be here as well.. Write to me, every day, every month, I don't know.. Write me whenever you feel like it and I will do the same.. And maybe one day.." I couldn't help but cry.. I didn't know I was crying till I felt her kissing my tears away..
"Spence.."
"It's the only way.. It doesn't mean that I don't want you or love you.. It's because I love you so much that I am letting you go.."
I didn't know what to say because she said everything.. And she was right.. Maybe one day.. Maybe it wasn't our time yet..
"Can you hold me? Can we just lie down and hold me till its time for me to go?"
"Of course.."
We both stood up from the couch with her holding my hand while guiding me to her bedroom.. I laid on the right side and she spooned me from behind.. I could feel her breathe on my neck and a hot tear.. We were both crying and I held her close.. I held her close to me till it was time to say goodbye..
TBC
Reviews are always welcome