Chapter 9

Serah made dinner and did the dishes as usual, but inside, she felt like her heart was breaking.

Was there a possibility she was overreacting? It was likely. She overreacted about everything. But she couldn't shake the feeling that her marriage was falling apart right in front of her eyes.

The worst of it was that she couldn't even change the problem. If she could have a baby, she would. Secretly she suspected it had something to do with being a crystal before, since she technically hadn't been dead or alive. Or maybe it was that she'd been a l'Cie at all. Would that curse ever stop haunting her?

Serah dropped the dish she'd been loading into the dishwasher and sank down to the floor, sobbing. How did things come to this? All she'd wanted after that entire mess was a normal life. But "normal" was probably something impossible for her. She cupped her eyes with her palms as her entire body shook with the sobs. She felt weak and stupid, but most of all, she just felt helpless.

Suddenly, she felt a hand touch her shoulder softly. Flinching, she looked up quickly and found her husband standing over her with a concerned look on his face. "Serah?" he asked quietly. "Baby, get off the floor and get into these arms."

Serah smiled, partly because of what he'd said, but mostly out of embarrassment. She couldn't believe he'd caught her crying her eyes out like a baby. But as she stood up and did as he said, wrapping her arms around his thick, muscular torso, she realized that this was just what she needed.

"Tell me what's going on," Snow said gently, his voice muffled by her hair.

"You really have to ask?" Serah said, chuckling sadly. Both were silent for a moment as they thought about this separately, and feeling the danger of new tears developing, Serah started talking. "It's so hard, you know, the whole baby thing... I'm trying so hard but I just feel empty. I don't feel good enough. And I hate it because you've done so much for me and I can't even give you a family."

Everything had come out in such a rush that when she finished, it seemed awkwardly silent between them. After a second, Serah looked up at Snow, and to her disbelief he was crying silently.

She pulled back to look at him. "Snow? Why are you crying?" The very sight of it was threatening to spill her own tears over the rim of her eyelashes.

"You act like I'm so perfect," Snow said, snuffling and refusing to meet her eyes. "But I'm not. All I did was fight for the girl I loved. But I'm not perfect."

"Maybe not," Serah admitted. "But you've always been perfect for me. And that's all that matters, isn't it?"

"No, it's not," Snow said quietly, pulling away from her. Serah left her arms in the air where they'd been around him, too shocked to put them down.

"What... does that mean, Snow?"

He was silent while he stared at the wall opposite of them, where a large framed picture of the two of them was hanging. Finally, he sighed. "Sometimes I don't feel like you love me. You yell at me or don't want to spend time. And I know it's because you're stressed but... it's hard to deal with."

Serah felt her chest burn with shame. She'd noticed sometimes that she was a bitch to Snow, but with the stress and frustration of being unable to become pregnant, it was hard to control what she said. But that wasn't an excuse.

"Snow, I'm... I'm really sorry," she said sadly. "I've never meant anything I've said. I always want you around. It's just so hard sometimes to deal with things..." She paused and looked at him, but he avoided her eyes. "But I don't take you for granted. I appreciate your love and loyalty every single day of my life."

As she finished talking, Snow's face burned red. "Look, you're going to find out about this from Lightning anyways," he said hastily. "I walked Lebreau home when I was drunk. It looked bad. People saw us leaving together and started talking. But nothing happened!" At this last sentence, he looked up and stared into Serah's eyes pleadingly.

"Why are you saying this right now?" she asked, frowning.

Snow paused, and then shrugged. "It seemed like the right time. You talked about loyalty... I didn't want you to hear something and doubt it. And I was trying to figure out the right way to tell you the whole way home..."

Serah sighed. She hated Lebreau, but she trusted Snow, and that was what mattered. "Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with you helping out a friend. People can think what they want. I know you didn't do anything." She finished this with a small smile, and Snow looked extremely relieved at seeing this.

"I'm so happy to hear you say that," Snow said happily, scooping her up in his arms. "I've seen how rumors can destroy relationships."

"Well, that won't be us," Serah said, giggling. But then her face turned somber. "We have more important problems to worry about..."

Her husband shook his head. "Listen to me. If we can make it through what we did those years ago, we can make it through anything. We made it through two worlds, turning into crystal and c'ieth, and basically the destruction of Cocoon. You think we can't make it through this?"

Serah laughed and planted a long kiss on Snow's lips. He was right, of course. They'd made it through so much, and she was worried about this? Their relationship was stronger than she gave it credit for.

Satisfied, she got down from his arms and, after more kissing, continued to do the dishes and make dinner. Her outlook was so much better. She felt peaceful about their relationship now, and as she looked into the living room at Snow, she was grateful to have him by her side.