Chapter 22

Spencer's POV

I didn't expect for us to kiss.. I didn't expect to see her fighting over me.. Trying to keep me.. I am not going to lie.. I liked that.. I craved for that.. I wanted to see her that she cared.. But.. There was always that but.. As much as I wanted to be with her at the same moment I couldn't.. I didn't want to be that person.. The third woman on a relationship.. And she was married.. I didn't want for me to be the one who broke them.. I was ready to tell her all my fears, all my doubts when she kissed me.. She realized what I was thinking and I have to say that when she put those luscious lips on mine I forgot everything I wanted to say and I kissed her back..

I missed talking to her.. I missed her smile.. I missed her kisses.. I missed her.. And I still couldn't believe that because of Aiden she was here.. It was surreal.. Things like that don't happen.. But I was grateful.. Because I managed to see her again.. Who knows for how long.. But she was here.. We were here..

"What are you thinking Spence?" she said while she was caressing my arm.. With every touch I was feeling my skin burning..

"Too many things.."

"Spence.. I know what you might think.. I just want you to know that I love you.. I do.. With all my heart.. I am so in love with you.."

"That's good to know.. Because I am in love with you too.. But where that takes us.. Soon enough you will go back to New York and back to Aiden.. What are we going to do after that?"

"I don't know Spence.. I really don't know.. All I know is that I found you and I don't want to lose you.."

I got up from where we were laying and went next to the window.. It was chilly tonight.. I felt her coming from behind and putting her hands around my waist, her chin on my shoulder.. I could feel her breath..

"Please don't shutting me out.. Believe me.. I don't know what to do.. Tell me what to do.."

"I wish I could Ash.. I wish I could.. That would make everything more easier.."

"Please don't leave me again.. Please.."

"I am not going anywhere.. But I can't be what you want me to be also.. It hurts so much you know.." she turned me around so I could face her.. She was crying.. This was hurting not only me but her as well..

"I can't do that to him.. It's not easy.. He was supporting me all this long.. He was waiting for me to come home from war.. He is a good man Spence.."

"And because he is a good man I can't be your other person.. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours.. Just you and me.. I want to be able to wake up and sleep right next to you.. I want to kiss you and make love to you.. But I can't.."

I wanted her like I never wanted someone else before.. I was so in love that every word I was saying it hurt so much.. I didn't want to be out of her life.. But I didn't know how to be in her life as well..

She walked back to the bed and sat there facing me..

"All my life I was raised to do what everyone wanted.. My mom, my dad.. I was their little toy that they liked to play with.. I married Aiden to let myself free.. It was easy with him because I know he loved me.. In a way I took advantage of that and now that I found you, now that everything makes sense of who I am and what I want to do, with whom I want to be, I can't.. You might think it's easy.. I thought about taking a divorce and search all California to find you.. But I couldn't form the words to him.."

"Spence.. I want you.. I want to be yours.. Actually, you already have me.." she smiled but it was a mixture between sadness and happiness.. "My heart and mind goes to you.. I know that what I am asking is too much, I know that you are not such a person, but I really don't think that I can bare another day without you in my life.."

She stood up again and came in front of me.. She put her lips on mine and gave me a soft kiss that lasted more than five seconds.. I knew what she meant with all that.. She wanted us to try.. Try to be friends, try to be together? I didn't know what she wanted and that I asked..

"What do you want Ash?"

"Simple.. You.. Just give me sometime.. I promise that after he gets better I will talk to him.. And he seems different the last couple of months.. And distant.."

"I don't know Ash.."

"I promise.."

"It's late.. Let's get back to bed and try to sleep.. You haven't slept all day"

"We will.. I am going to take a shower first"

She didn't say anything else.. Instead she went in the bathroom and after she finished I took one as well.. Once I finished though I realized that I didn't have anything to wear with me.. I put a towel around my body and went out..

"Ash.." she was already in bed waiting for me.. Once I called her name she turned around and when she looked at me she stayed there for a couple of minutes without answering me back.. Yes, she was checking me out.. "Ash.. I am talking to you.."

"Yes? Ehm.. What did you say exactly?"

"I said I don't have anything to wear.."

"You can always sleep naked.. You know.. It's good for the body.."

"Ash.."

"With your towel?"

"Aaaaash.."

"Ok, I might have something for you to wear.."

"Much better.."

She gave me something and we both fell to bed.. I was laying on my back when I felt her hands holding me, with her coming closer to me.. I slept alone for so long that having her so close felt so good and right..

"Goodnight Spence.."

"Goodnight Ash.. Sweet dreams.."

"Mmmm.. sweet.. yes.."

I couldn't sleep right away.. Instead I was looking at her with a no stalker way.. She seemed so peaceful. Like everything that happened didn't affect her.. But from the other side I felt the same too.. I don't know how she was managing to do that to me.. Keeping me calm and making me forget everything outside our small bedroom.. I knew why.. Because I was so much in love..

Next morning I woke up at 7am.. I had to be at the hospital at 8am.. When I opened my eyes she was already up and she was now looking at me with a smile on her face..

"Goodmorning.."

"Goodmorning to you too.."

"Slept well?"

"That I did.. How about you?"

"Perfect.. Best sleep I ever had.."

"I am glad.." I got up but she held my hand..

"Where are you going?"

"I have to get ready.. I have to be at the hospital by 8am"

"We have time.. Please come back.." she said and moved the covers so I could lay back again..

"Ash.. I don't want to be late.."

"You won't.. Just for ten minutes"

"Ten minutes.."

"Yes yes.. Ten minutes.."

Those ten minutes we didn't say anything.. We were just facing each other, looking at each others eyes and holding hands.. In my mind I had last night's talk we had.. She wanted to take a divorce and she wanted to be with me.. Today I couldn't find anything to hold me for not being with her.. Today I was willing to wait for her.. I was doing the same thing all along.. I leaned closer and kissed her, taking all in what Ashley was.. The girl who was making me alive.. And as she told me yesterday.. I couldn't be without her either..

TBC

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