Chapter 6

BPOV

I blinked for a few seconds and then it started to sink in, why my heart felt like it was going to fail. Why there was an unbearable aching in my chest. Rejection. He'd just disappeared after kissing me. I thought he actually felt something for me, that's why he'd kissed me, right? Or had he just been playing me along again? I tried to convince myself that this was the answer but something in me knew that Edward wouldn't do that, he hurt me to keep me away but I don't think he would show me a sign of affection like that and then disappear. I gulped loudly and picked up my bag, my lip quivering. I tried to hold it in but I couldn't do it. I moved as quickly as I could around the school building and towards the parking lot. I was at my truck before I knew it and I fumbled with my keys as the rain started but gave up as a crushing wave hit my chest and I fell against the truck, clutching hopelessly at my chest.

I don't know how long I was there for, time seemed to tick by slowly but I became suddenly very alert when two pairs of cold hands reached for my arms. I spun around to be met with a pixie, concern etched into her face as I looked at her with my tear stained face. I blinked for a few seconds before my eyes filled up with tears again and they spilled down my cheeks. Her tiny arms wrapped themselves around me as she comforted me and whispered in a low voice to assume was Jasper who stood nearby,

"I'm going to kill him." Snarls emitted from her chest and I looked up from her shoulder to see Jasper nod.

She finally coaxed me into my truck and got in with me, driving me back to my house. I stared out of the window the entire time, not listening to the music she'd insisted on putting on, or her mindless chatter, meant for a distraction for me from what had happened, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. He'd been so gentle, so affectionate with his touches that I'd though he actually felt something for me, thought he actually cared about me in the way he'd shown beforehand. I don't think Alice realised I hadn't been listening to her until we stopped outside of my house and she snapped her fingers in front of me.

"You haven't heard a word I've said this whole time have you?" Her voice was soft as she asked me this, careful not to cause more damage, like she was treading on eggshells, she considered me delicate and to a vampire I was.

I shook my head gently and continued to look out of the window, at the rain which thundered down. I had never meant to be rude to Alice; I just wasn't up for conversation.

"Can I go inside now?" I asked, my voice croaking from the sobs which I'd never released.

She gave me a disapproving look, "Bella, we need to talk about this, about Edward."

I cut her off before she could start a new sentence, "No, Alice, I want to go inside. I can't talk about this now. Please, just let me go, we'll talk another time." My voice was helplessly trying to get her to understand, she was giving me a disapproving look so I tried again, "Tomorrow, we'll talk then. Just, please," I begged, "Please, don't force me to do it now, I can't."

She gave in and nodded at me, before giving me a tight hug, a kiss on the cheek just before she opened the door of the truck and leaped out into the rain. She disappeared after that. Alice meant well, but I wasn't comfortable having that conversation with her about her brother. I knew I hadn't known Edward that long but I felt like he had a piece of me already, from the first time we officially talked after the incident I felt some connection to him, something which told me I needed to know him.

I finally got out of the truck and headed inside, my hair dripping down my back from the pouring rain. I took my boots off in the hall and removed my jacket hanging it up on the coat pegs to dry. I sighed loudly and trudged up the stairs, wringing my wet hair out as I did. The house was cold and the damp from my hair was causing me to shiver violently so I changed into a clean pair of sweats, thick socks and an oversized sweater that slipped off of my one shoulder. I tied my hair up and headed towards my bed. There was still an hour of school left and I knew that Alice might get me out of the trouble of skipping school so I tried to relax but it was no use.

Edward kept popping up in my head, the way he looked at me when he held my face in his hands, the way his lip quivered as if he was nervous and the way he sighed when our lips met. It was haunting me and I couldn't escape. I needed to know why. Why he'd taken off the way he had, if there was another reason why he just disappeared, other than rejection, the thought which was constantly running through my mind. I needed the answers and he was the only one that could give me them. But I knew he wouldn't tell me. Even if I threatened him he would shut down on me, act as if I wasn't anything to him even though the look in his eyes betrayed him. He had to care, I just believed he had to, even if it was a minute bit, he had to care for me.

I curled up on my side then, trying to find the warmth which seemed to evade me when I noticed my window was open about two inches. I sat up, thoroughly confused and hopped off the bed to shut it, noticing how cold it was by the window. I shivered and jumped back onto my bed, snuggling up on my one side. I stretched to pick up a book on my bedside table and began reading, I think it was one of my mother's which I'd taken with me because I didn't remember the storyline all that well. I huddled up again and started reading, letting the story take me away from the crazy reality I was living in.

I was walking through the house, it was dark and I pulled the sweater over my one shoulder to cover it. The stairs creaked as I reached the bottom and I spun around to see, nothing. I sighed and continued into the kitchen. Yawning, I opened the refrigerator and took out the milk, grabbing a glass that was on the side from the washing up and pouring some in it. I gulped it down, parched and sighed when the glass was empty. Pouring another glass I started sipping that one before I turned to put the milk back in the refrigerator.

A dark shadow stood in the doorway. Tall and lean. I took a step back and fear struck me when the shadow stepped forward.

"Please," I begged, "Don't kill me."

He was in front of me before I could blink and he bared his glistening white teeth to me. I stepped back out of fear but was met with the counter.

"Don't worry," He purred, his voice morphing into a soft velvet tone, "I won't kill you."

Bronze hair flashed before my eyes as he stepped into the light and I was met with ruby red eyes. I gulped and my breathing picked up.

"Edward, please, don't hurt me." I pleaded helplessly, this wasn't the Edward I knew but I had to try, "You told me you didn't want to hurt me."

He sneered at me, bringing a hand up to stroke my cheek and I flinched, "I lied. I do that sometimes."

My glass slipped out of my hand and felt to the floor, smashing into pieces. I felt a stinging pain in my leg and then the pulsing of blood down it. I swayed and held onto the counter as his eyes glistened at me before he lunged for my neck. I screamed.

I shot up in bed, my book knocking to the floor, a scream on the edge of my lips. A hand clamped down on my mouth and I screamed into the hand. It was no use though, no one could hear me, it was muffled. I thrashed about but a cold arm wrapped around me and held me against something cold and hard.

"Bella, please, calm down, I won't hurt you." Velvet hit my ears and I relaxed a little, "It was just a nightmare, I would never hurt you, please, calm down."

I relaxed immediately and his arms loosened around me. I then realised I was muttering to myself, the cause for his words, 'I won't hurt you'. He let me go completely then and his hand moved away from my mouth. My face tingled from where his hand had been and I touched my lips, unconsciously. He studied my face carefully before sliding away from me on my bed, so he was sitting on the edge. Anger bubbled inside of me then as I came to terms with why he could possibly be here for.

"What do you want?" I snarled at him, my hands curling into fists next to me on the bed.

His eyes sparked as he looked at me and then back to his one hand which rested on my purple comforter. I didn't think he would answer me at first, what with the way he drew out the silence, just my breathing to be heard. He opened his mouth slowly and then closed it.

"Spit it out." Patience wasn't one of my strong points tonight, I was feeling uncharacteristically angry and it was his fault.

He sighed and his hand fisted my comforter before he let it go, "I came here to talk to you, about what happened today."

Something hit me then and I spun to look at my clock on the bedside table, "What time is it?" I asked.

He laughed at my expression which was probably one of shock, "Its quarter past ten."

I relaxed for a second before jumping out of bed and heading for the door, "Charlie might still be awake, crap." I exclaimed, opening the door a crack to peer into the dark hall. It was silent.

"He went to bed half an hour ago, he's sleeping." Edward informed me as I turned back to him to see how his grip on my comforter tightened as he spoke, "I need to talk to you now."

I huffed and crossed my arms, "What did you want?"

His face became visibly tense and he gripped my comforter a little more before letting it go. His gold eyes blazed as he looked up at me and I shifted my weight from one foot to another.

"I want to talk about what happened today." His voice was a little gruff, strained and I tried to hold it together until he finished, "I wanted to tell you that it won't happen again and I'm going to sort something out with Carlisle so I can stay up in Denali, permanently."

My breath cut short and I felt an undeniable pain start in my chest as I tried to comprehend what he was saying, "You're leaving? Permanently?"

He nodded, "Yes, I had no right to do what I did today and I don't want to hurt you, so I'm –"

"If you don't want to hurt me then don't leave me." I pleaded, my tone a little whiny, "You always run away from me, always, thinking it will hurt me less, but it hurts me a thousand times more when you run." His face had dropped and he was staring intently at the bed. "You make me feel unworthy of you. I feel like you don't want me. As if you're never going to want me."

At that he stood up and was in front of me in a heartbeat, his eyes soft and gentle. "Is that what you really think? That I don't want you? That I run because I want to get away from you?"

I nodded and watched him carefully as his hand brushed my cheek, catching a single tear which had escaped from my eye, "Yes."

"I run, Bella, because I want you so much it hurts me to know I'll hurt you in the long run." He admitted and his sweet breath fanned over my face as he crouched to be at my eye line. "I run because it's inevitable that I'll physically hurt you at some point. It could be an accident or we could be arguing and I lose my temper, I could reach out to grab your arm and break it instead."

He gulped a little and I finally understood why he kept his distance, why he kept telling me he was going to stay away; because he didn't want to hurt me. What I had mistook as emotional hurt he meant as physical hurt and he was afraid of that. He was afraid that he would hurt me in that way. I knew he was dangerous but he wasn't towards me. I knew that he had already shown the restraint to be able to stop something like that from happening, had already seen the heartbroken look in his eyes when he thought he'd hurt me, not just physically, but emotionally too, but that was another thing too. He seemed to be struggling with how to deal with his emotions, how to express them. He was scared to put me in danger by being too close, and that showed me something he was confused about.

"You wouldn't hurt me." I said, a statement, a fact. Something I was absolutely certain about was that he would never hurt me physically.

He groaned and stepped away before he started pacing across my room, a look of annoyance etched across it. He let out a deep breath before his voice came out in a slight snarl, "I could easily hurt you, Bella. I could just mean to help you forward and push you over instead. Or go to pick you up and crush your whole body, or I could go to touch your face and crush your skull. You're so delicate I have to watch what I do all –"

"I didn't say you weren't physically capable of doing that, just that you wouldn't." I cut in, making him stop mid step in his attempt to make holes in my floor.

"Bella, you don't understand that I can though. I can easily hurt you without meaning to." He groaned, running a hand through his thick bronze hair.

"I know you can, but I know you won't!" I cried, exasperated at all the words being thrown about.

"Shh!" He hissed, "Keep your voice down, Charlie was stirring."

We stayed silent for a few minutes, listening out for any sign that Charlie was going to wake up, or had woken up. I could hear the tap dripping in the bathroom and the sound of the wind whistling outside but there wasn't a sound coming from Charlie's room. I could hear my blood throbbing behind my ears and mine and Edward's heavy breathing but that was all. I looked over to Edward and found him staring intensely at me.

"What?" I whispered, my voice barely making a sound to my own ears.

He took another deep breath and shifted his feet before he opened his mouth. He closed it again though and put his hands in his pockets, finally finding the words, "What did you mean I . . . 'won't'?"

It took me a few seconds to realise he was talking about my outburst just moments ago and I stood there, having to think of a way to phrase this without it sounding overly confusing to not only Edward but myself. It was difficult to find the right way to explain why I knew he wouldn't, not that he couldn't. He could easily hurt me but it was what he seemed to feel for me on the inside which made me believe he wouldn't hurt me. He cared about me.

I sat down, hesitantly on the bed and stared at the floor, my hands in my lap as I spoke, "You are capable of hurting me, but from what you've said about not wanting to stay away from me and not wanting to hurt me that I feel you couldn't hurt me even if you wanted to. You care about me. Well, at least that's what I think you feel." I added, not wanting him to see me as naïve to think he could care about me, "My theory is that you care about me so much so I don't think you could ever hurt me because of how much it would hurt you if you did."

I looked up at him through my lashes and bit nervously on my bottom lip as he stood there, an incredulous look on his face. It threw me off a little bit and I was suddenly panicked that he thought I had jumped to conclusions about his feelings for me. I stood up quickly and ran a hand through my hair, moving it out of my way.

"If I've jumped to conclusions about how you feel about me, then I'm sorry and I didn't mean to make you –" But I was cut off with Edward's cold lips against mine.

"You beautiful, silly girl," He murmured as his lips ran over mine, again and again, "Did you not hear what I said before?"

My mind was hazy as I gripped his shoulders for support, his hands on either side of my face, his lips caressing mine, "What about?" I mumbled, breathlessly.

He chuckled softly, his breath fanning across my lips, "About me wanting you." He kissed me softly again, "About how I want you so much it hurts."

My knees buckled at his words and his hands went to my waist as my hands knotted in his hair. My breathing was fast, helpless as he kissed me, almost frantically now and I moaned against his lips. So fast I lost my breath, Edward was on the other side of the room, his hands gripping helplessly into the frame around my window as he tried to control his breathing which was coming in fast pants. I stood there, trying to clear my head as he closed his eyes tightly and gripped the frame even more, little pieces of wood falling from it onto my floor. I put my hand to my chest and felt my heart beating at a rapid rate underneath it.

"Edward?" I asked stepping forward towards him.

"Stay there." He ordered, his tone breathless yet there was something there that was strained.

I stayed where I was, trying to control my own breathing. I sat down on my bed and took a deep breath, letting it out with a huff. I heard Edward groan and I looked over to him and found his eyes dark with want. A desire I'd only seen once before. The day I'd met him.

"Edward?"

"Don't move an inch."

"Do you want me to open a window?" I asked hesitantly, contemplating whether or not I should get up.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

He sighed exasperated, "Please, Bella, just stop talking and let me concentrate."

I shut up then and stayed as still as I could, trying not to put Edward back at square one with his control over his need. I never thought about how my close proximity might be affecting him, and now, with his face agonised as he tried to restrain himself I felt unbelievably stupid for not thinking about that. It felt like forever that I sat there; waiting for Edward to give me the all clear, to tell me he was okay, but it never came. He just stayed by the window, trying to control his breathing his eyes burning holes in the floorboards as I sat there, silently, trying to be as patient as I possibly could.

Suddenly he moved. He stood up straight and took a step away from the window. I got up in a flash and also stood up. His face became hard and I guessed I'd made it worse for him but he composed his face and managed to form a sentence.

"I should go." Hard, stern. His voice let on a eerie feeling like we'd been down this road before. The rejection was rushing through me again and I couldn't handle it. I just had to though.

I nodded and tried to force a smile onto my face, "Oh, okay, I'll see you at school then."

He studied my face for a second before he walked over, his steps making no sound on the floorboards and stopped in front of me, his one hand going to my cheek, "Definitely,"

With that he kissed my forehead softly, and pulled me into his arms quickly before letting me go, "Remember what I said about wanting you. Never forget that." His voice was trying to reassure me, to get me to stop worrying.

I nodded and watched as he gave me one small smile before slipping out of the window and into the night sky.