Again.. Sorry for the delay but i didn't feel like writing and i would rather write something that is good and not crap.. Hope the chapter worth the delay..
Chapter 29
Ashley's POV
When I saw Spencer I was confused, I was surprised and I was wondering how and why she was here.. After Michael told me she would work as a doctor here I felt exited that I would have here, near me, but at the same time scared.. Scared that now it was final.. I had to face Aiden either I was ready or not.. And most of all I was scared to how I would tell him.. But now all I could see was her, looking at me but I couldn't see the same flame her eyes had before I leave from California.
"Why you didn't tell me Spencer?"
"Tell you what exactly Ashley?"
"That you were coming here.. That you would work here.. Why you didn't tell me?"
"Because I had other things to think about.. I guess if I wanted to tell you I always knew where to find you"
"If you wanted to tell me? What do you mean by that?"
"Can we not talk about that right here when everyone is looking at us right now?"
"Find me in the bathroom in ten minutes.."
"Ashley, I don't think we should.."
"I'll be there waiting.."
She was being distant and I could feel that she didn't want to see me or talk to me.. I knew that what was afraid soon it would happen and I had to act.. I didn't expect to see her coming in the bathroom.. I was just hoping that she would.. Knowing that no one was here I took her inside and started kissing her.. I shouldn't but this was what I wanted.. I missed her.. But when she pushed me away I knew that something was wrong.. And it was my fault..
She was tired of waiting.. She didn't want to try anymore.. In her way she was telling me that what was going on between us was nothing.. And when I told her that I would talk to Aiden she didn't turn back.. Instead she opened the door and left.. Never looking back at me while I was calling her name even if some women did turn their head looking at me..
All night I didn't see her not once being alone.. She was always surrounded by people talking to her.. Mostly men.. They were all over her and I could see how they were looking at her.. I wanted to go there and put my hand behind her back and claim her as mine but I couldn't.. And the fact that she didn't even look at me once was hurting me so much.. I guess that was my consequence.. I waited too long and I took her for granted.. I shouldn't..
At 2am in the morning we said our goodnights to Michael and some other people Aiden knew and we headed home.. I tried to find her but she was nowhere to be found.. I didn't know where she was living, I didn't know if we were together anymore, I didn't know what to do.. I only knew where she was working and it was the only place where I could find her..
The ride back home was silent.. Aiden didn't say a word to me till we were back home.. Earlier that morning he told me we would discuss everything tomorrow but I didn't know if I could wait anymore..
"Mrs Ashley, Mr Aiden.."
"Rwanda.. Why are you still up?"
"I was waiting for you.. Just in case you wanted something Mrs Ashley"
"We are ok Rwanda.. You should go back to your bedroom and sleep.. Thank you anyway"
"Goodnight Rwanda.. We are ok.." Aiden said and went upstairs..
A few minutes later I heard the water running from the bathroom and I knew he was inside.. I stayed downstairs till he was finished and reading a book.. I wasn't feeling tired and I didn't know if I could sleep either way.. Especially after tonight.. That's when I heard him coming downstairs and going at the kitchen..
"Are you coming?"
"I am going to take a shower first and I will.."
"Ok. Goodnight.."
"Aiden.."
"Yes.."
"I want us to talk tomorrow.."
"Goodnight Ashley"
It was obvious that he knew something but I didn't know what was it that he knew exactly.. Could he really know about me and Spencer? And how was that possible?
Indeed I took my shower and wore my robe but I didn't go to my room.. Instead I went downstairs and sat by the window looking outside the street.. I just wanted to be alone.. Me and my thoughts..
"Mrs Ashley? What are you doing still up?"
"Rwanda.. You scared me.."
"I am sorry Mrs.. I didn't want to.."
"It's ok.. Why are you still up?"
"I wanted to grab some water and I saw you sitting here.. Are you ok?" she said and came to sit right next to me.. Was I ok? No..
"Not really.."
"Is Mr Aiden?"
"It's everything.."
"I might not speak but I can see.. I could feel that something was wrong.. Since the day you came back.."
Rwanda was like a mother to me.. A mother I never had.. I found myself getting up from where I was sitting and crying on her lap.. I don't remember when was the last time I cried so hard.. Her hands on my hair stroking them trying to relax me and asking me all the time what was wrong.. Could I really tell her what was wrong? Could I really tell her that I was in love with a girl and I wanted to be with her..?
"Mrs Ashley.. You are scaring me.. What is wrong?"
"Oh Rwanda.. I don't know what to do.. I don't know.. I just don't know.."
"You are not in love with Mr Aiden.." she said and put her hand on my chin making me look at her.. I didn't answer.. I just nodded.. "Have you ever been in loved with him?"
"No.."
"I understand.."
"Do you? Can you really understand how I feel? Because my heart right now is broken into pieces.."
"Mrs Ashley, I understand how difficult it is to stand up to your parents and say that you don't want the man they wanted you to marry.. Unfortunately that's what women are supposed to do in our time.. Mr Aiden is a good man.. One of the few I ever met in my life.. He is kind and he really loves you.. Maybe you are not in love with him now but you might love him in the future.." I stood up and started passing back and forth..
"You don't understand Rwanda.. I could never ever love Aiden that way.. Or any man that is.." I whispered the last sentence.. It was the first time I was admitting it not only to myself but to someone else as well..
"What did you say?"
"I can't love Aiden because I love someone else.."
"I see.. I don't know what to tell you Mrs Ashley.."
"Thank you for listening to me.. It means a lot.."
"Mrs Ashley.. You are like a daughter to me.. I want you to be happy.. So do what your heart tells you to do.."
I walked to where she was sitting and hugged her giving her a kiss and wishing her goodnight.. When I went upstairs Aiden was already asleep.. And that I tried to do as well..
When I woke up next morning and looked at Aiden's side he wasn't sleeping next to me.. I checked the watch and it was 9am.. Usually he wasn't up till 10am on Sunday mornings.. I put my robe and went downstairs..
"Goodmorning Mrs Ashley"
"Goodmorning Rwanda.. Did you see Aiden?"
"Yes, he left an hour ago.. He didn't tell me where he was going"
"I see.."
"Do you want me to make you breakfast?"
"No I am good.. I am going to drink an orange juice.. Thank you"
I did pretty much everything.. I helped Rwanda with cooking, I read my book, I went for a walk in central park but Aiden came back home after 5pm..
"Hello Mr Aiden.." Rwanda said and took his hat.. "Have you eaten anything? I cooked your favorite today"
"No, I am ok Rwanda.. I already ate.. Hi Ashley"
"Hello.." He made a step to go upstairs but I needed to have the talk we said we would.. And I had a feeling that he didn't want to have this talk with me.. "If you have time I want us to have that talk Aiden.."
"Later.. There is something I need to do right now.."
"Ok.."
Later came after 9pm.. All this time he was upstairs to his office doing I don't know what.. He came down round 9.30pm and found me in the living room.. He went straight to the bar and put a glass of whisky for him..
"Do you want anything?"
"No, thank you"
He sat on the couch in the opposite of me and took his first sip..
"Aiden.. We need to talk.."
"Le me think.. Is it something that has to do with you and someone else? Something that happened during the years you were away? The fact that you came back completely changed? Pick one" his tone was harsh but I couldn't say anything.. It was understandable..
"You and me is not working.."
"It never did.. Since the beginning.. I knew you didn't love me the way I did but I believed that someday you would.."
"I don't know what to say.."
"Let me do the talk then.. Why Ashley? What have I done wrong that you had to treat me like that.. Make me look like a fool?"
"I didn't.."
"I was here, waiting for my wife to come back from war, worrying every day about you.. About you safety.. Being on your side when someone would tell me that I was crazy that I had my wife there.. And you? You met someone else.."
"What are you saying?"
"You know very well what I am saying Ashley.." it was now or never.. I had my chance to tell him everything.. But I didn't know how to tell him about Spencer..
"I did.. I met someone else while I was there.. I didn't mean for this to happen but it happened and I couldn't control it.."
"You couldn't control it?" he made a sarcastic laugh "Have you cheated on me?"
"Yes"
"How many times"
"One.. But I kissed that person more than once"
"Is it Spencer?" he caught me off guard.. How he knew? "You, not saying anything just make you feel guilty you know.. A woman?" he said really loud and I am sure Rwanda heard him back in her room.. "A woman Ashley? Are you crazy? What were you thinking? You cheated on me with a woman.." he stood up and threw his glass on the wall.. I never seen him like that before.. It was someone else.. Not the Aiden I knew..
"Mr Aiden, Mrs Ashley is everything ok?"
"Go inside Rwanda.. Now" Aiden said really loud, ready to explode.. Rwanda looked at me and I just nodded.. This was between me and Aiden..
"Aiden, I don't know what to tell you.. All I can say its that is not your fault.. It's something that happened but I guess I always felt like that.. I am sorry.. I really am.."
He was standing with his back facing me, his right hand on the wall supporting his body.. He didn't look at me.. Instead he opened the door and went out.. And I from the other hand stayed back crying.. Crying for the choices I made, crying for the people I hurt.. Crying for the people I was losing..
TBC
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