Hey guys.. I've been sick the last days.. Coughing right now that i am writing these words.. Hope you enjoy the chapter and sorry for the absence..
TheQueen: since you are still reading i am good with that :)
o: about the cheese and hum souffle.. Well its one of my favorite foods.. No reason putting it in there but you never know.. As for Aiden, Ashley and Spencer.. Well.. They live in Manhattan.. Not far away from each other but yet not close either.. Spencer has money thats true.. She even has a car..
lilce1992: i think everyone loves Aiden.. He is an amazing man..
tbplrbear1: and i believe that they will continue but with some drama i will bring in their lives soon enough.. or not.. we will see i suppose..
Chapter 36
Spencer's POV
One missisippi.. You are born, you grow up.. Two missisippi.. You become a grown up woman or man and you start your life.. You can go to university or find a job.. Three missisippi.. At the end, the choices you made in life makes you who you are.. All this time, all this people you meet, the relationships you have, the jobs you find yourself in help you understand who you are but who you want to be as well..
I never had so many relationships to begin with.. I had some flings but if I have to say that I was committed to a relationship that would be Alex and Ashley.. Both helped me to understand myself better.. To understand what I wanted not only from them but from me as well..
In this time and age we were living it was difficult to be homosexual.. I knew it, Ashley knew it, everyone who had feelings for someone of the same sex knew it.. And although many times I was finding myself so ready to come out and tell everyone that I was in love with this beautiful girl who was walking right next to me, at the same time I was afraid.. What would happen if someone knew? What would happen to any of us? And living and working to a man's world it was more difficult.. Most of the women in the hospital were married.. I was in my late twenties and I was single in their eyes.. If only they knew..
At the hospital I was known as the 'no girl'.. I've been asked out to a dinner many times from doctors or even patients some times.. My answer was always polite but it was a clear no.. Many times I was asked as to why I didn't date anyone, why I wasn't married and all these lovely questions when noisy people ask.. People always would be curious about other peoples lives.. And every time although I knew who I was, and I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be with, those people were making me wonder.. Wouldn't be easier for me to be in love with a man? And without even thinking I was always answering to myself.. It would be easier to anyone else but me..
"Where is your mind again Spence?"
"Here, everywhere, nowhere.."
"Mmmm.. that's a very specific answer you gave me.."
I was sitting with Ashley on our couch, watching some tv after eating our dinner.. It was months after she talked with Aiden about the divorce.. Aiden was ok with all this.. I don't know if I would actually find the strength he had to actually be civil around my ex wife and her new girlfriend.. But he did.. And one or two times all three of us went out to dinner or a coffee..
"I am sorry.." she gave me a kiss on my lips cupping my face and putting the hair that were falling in my eyes behind my ear..
"Nothing to feel sorry for.. I am going to go inside our room.. Want to come with me?"
"Sure.."
Ashley was doing great with her job.. From being a saleswoman they made her an assistant manager.. For someone who never worked in her life before she was amazing and I was really proud of her.. She was good with anything she was putting in her mind.. Even with cooking.. I knew she loved it and she was really good with it..
Us being together was amazing.. After our first time together a long time ago, instead of pretty much making love like rabbits once we got back together we decided that the best would be to wait.. And we did.. Not for long though.. We both wanted each other and actually having her change every night right in front of me didn't help.. But then one night it happened.. And it was beautiful.. Being with her that way, with her not being anyone else's but mine was simply everything I could ask for..
Once we both were in bed I felt her coming near me, putting her hand under my shirt cupping my breast and kissing my neck.. I couldn't help but moan to her soft touches.. She new exactly what I liked and how I liked it.. Even if I was her first she knew what to do and how to touch a woman..
"I love you.."
"I love you too.."
She removed my shirt and I stayed there half naked looking at her and the way she was looking at me, even if I was wearing my shirt on, made me feel naked.. She could see right through me, see my secrets, my needs, my thoughts.. I removed her shirt as well and I laid her back with me on top of her, our breasts touching, feeling her warm under me and her heart beating fast.. Kissing her softly on her lips and caressing her arms.. Letting my hands travel on her body..
"I want you to touch me Spence.. Touch me.." she said between breaths and who was I to say no to her.. And like that two bodies became one.. One soul, one mind.. In a beautiful night like this.. And all the thoughts I had were already gone.. She could always make everything to fade.. To stop existing..
Next morning found us naked, holding onto each other.. The last months we were waking up at the same time and I liked that.. We were taking our breakfast together and we would start our day.. She even learned how to drive and she was taking the car to work most of the times since the hospital was near our apartment..
"Did you take everything?"
"Yes Ash.. I have everything I need with me.."
"No, you don't.."
"What are.." I checked my handbag to see if I had my keys and everything inside but she came close and kissed me on my lips..
"Silly.. You won't have me with you.. At least till we both are home.."
"You are always with me.. Now who is the silly one.." I kissed back and I saw her smile..
When I went at the hospital for once it was an easy day.. Other than doing my rounds I didn't have any emergencies and no surgeries.. It was kind of boring not having anything to do.. But unfortunately that meant that everyone was being in each others business.
While I was walking to my office I heard two nurses talking.. In the beginning I didn't pay any attention but when I heard them saying my name I stopped and I decided to hear what they had to say..
"I heard that he asked her out and she said no.. Again.."
"What is wrong with her? If Dr Clark would ask me out I would definitely say yes with a capital Y.."
"Mandy said, that she heard from Elise who found out from Ilene that she might be you know.."
"No.. I don't know.."
"You knoooow.. That way.."
"What way?"
"Jesus.. You are so dump.. Homosexual.." she whispered the last word but I was close enough to hear it..
I didn't know they were discussing behind my back here.. But a hospital is like a small town.. Everyone knows about everyone.. At that moment I decided to come out from my hidden place..
"Hello ladies.."
"Ehm, hello Dr Carlin.."
"How is your day?"
"Good.. Good.."
"Glad to hear that.." I signed the charts that were mine and I left them behind continue talking about me..
I kept playing in my mind what people knew and what they thought they knew.. If someone knew about me then I would lose my career and I don't even want to know what would happen after that.. A week ago I was reading in the newspaper about a gay couple that was beat to death just because they were holding hands.. I didn't want anything like that to happen to me or Ashley..
While I was having all these in my mind I bumped on Nick, or Dr Clark.. He was a very persistent man, quite handsome and pretty much all women in here were very much in love with him..
"Sorry.." I said and made the step to leave but he stopped me..
"Will you go out with me? I am going to continue asking.." without even thinking what he said because I had other things in my mind I answered but I didn't know what I answered till I heard him saying "Perfect.. Tomorrow at 8pm.. You and me.. bye sexy" when I realized what happened he was nowhere to be found..
"Shit.. Shit.. Shit"
I had to find him and undo it.. I went to the reception to ask where he was but the girl told me that he finished his shift and that tomorrow he had the day off..
Everything was fucked up.. And how I would say that to Ashley?
TBC
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