Chapter 37

Spencer's POV

I am wondering sometimes about lies.. There are lies that hurt the people we love and white lies that not hurt anyone.. But how is it possible to know what lie is going to hurt and what not.. Because something that doesn't hurt me might hurt someone else..

While I was still in the hospital, thinking the situation I found myself in, all I had in mind was if it was for the best to tell Ashley or not.. On one hand it wasn't anything important.. I didn't like the guy, I was in a relationship and I knew who I was.. So it would be just a coffee.. From the other hand though I was thinking what if something like that happened to Ashley and someone else.. What if I found she lied to me.. How I would react then? Maybe not that well..

Walking home I tried not to think about anything.. All I wanted was for once to be Ashley and I.. Only us.. But they wouldn't let us.. I felt like I was born in the wrong era.. Maybe if I was born later on things wouldn't be the same..

Putting the key on the lock.. Unlocking the door.. Seeing her smiling at me.. Coming to kiss me.. Up until now I didn't know what my decision would be..

"You are home.. I missed you.." she said and kissed my lips, holding my hand and guiding me inside the living room..

"Missed you too.."

"I was waiting for you.." it was already late.. I told her many times that if I wasn't home by 5pm to eat but she didn't want it.. She wanted us to eat together.. Always..

"I am sure you are starving.. So lets eat.."

While we were eating I kept looking at her.. I couldn't help but think all the drama we had, the situations we found ourselves in many times, the longing, the love, the tears we shed.. Looking at her all I could think about was how much in love I was and I didn't want to jeopardize my relationship for any white lie who might or might not hurt her..

"Did you like it?"

"Mmm.. Come closer.." I said and she smiled.. She did come closer though and I kissed her lips.. " It was tasty.."

"You are such a dork.."

"Maybe.."

After eating and washing the dishes we sat in our living room, drinking our coffee, being all European.. It was something I learned to love while being in France..

"How was your day at the hospital?"

"Funny you ask.. Ehm, Ash.. I want to tell you something.."

"Ok.. What is it?"

"There are rumors about me in the hospital.. People are talking and I heard two nurses gossiping about me.."

"About you.. Being a..?"

"Yes.."

"People always want to stick their noises to everyone's businesses.. Don't mind them.." she said and brought my hand to her lips kissing it.. Her head resting on my shoulder..

"It's not only that.. Ash.." she was now looking at me with those curious eyes of hers.. I knew she was trying to think what else was there to tell.. "There are a lot of people at the hospital, mostly doctors, and one specific doctor who flirt with me and asked me out a couple of times.."

"You never told me that.."

"It wasn't important.. I always said no.. But.. Ehm.. I probably said yes to him today at the hospital.."

"Said yes? What do you mean?"

"He was persistent.. He insisted.. And there were those two girls who were talking about me and saying things and I don't know how but he asked and I said yes.."

"So let me get it straight.. You have a date with a doctor? A male doctor?"

"Yes.."

She got up from the couch and started walking back and forth.. I didn't know what she was thinking but seeing her acting like that she wasn't happy..

"You know what I am thinking Spence? I am thinking that you wanted to go out or else you wouldn't have said yes.. I am thinking that you were pushing me to come forward to Aiden and tell him about us when you clearly are afraid for anyone to find about you and who you are.. There is this thing that is called subconscious.. And subconsciously you want to be seen as a straight girl.."

"What are you saying?"

"Exactly what you heard me saying.."

"Ash, I can't come out to the people I work with.. Are you crazy?"

"Yes, I am.. Because I have no problem to come out.. I came out to my husband Spencer.." she said while yelling at me..

"It's not the same.."

"Really? How is not the same? Do you know how difficult it was for me to do that? But I knew that I wasn't the one I was pretending I was.. I knew I was living in a lie for a long time and I knew that what I was searching, who I wanted to be with was here.. At the same city.. So tell me why it is difficult for you?"

"Because it is my job.. Because if they knew they would kick me out.. And everything.. Everything would be lost.."

"So you would rather go out with him, with someone who clearly likes you more than a friend just to make them stop talking about you.. Nice.."

"Don't make it seem like that because it is not.. I tried to find him and tell him I wouldn't go but he wasn't there.."

"If you really wanted you would find him.. Goodnight" she said and walked to our room leaving me all alone in the living room.. What she said though made me think.. Did I want to be seen as a straight girl?

She was clearly pissed at me so I didn't try to go inside the room.. And even if I wanted I heard her locking the door but before she gave me my pillow and a blanket.. I would sleep on the couch tonight..

I didn't sleep all night.. I was thinking about Ashley, Nick, the people at the hospital.. I knew who I was but why I had to come out to everyone and tell them anything about me? Why was that important? It was no ones business what I did in my life and with whom.. But what Ashley couldn't understand or didn't want to understand was that couples like us weren't acceptable to our society.. What they saw were two friends, but the reality was different from the one we were living..

When I finally closed my eyes it was time to get up.. I didn't hear the door opening and till I was ready to leave Ashley was still inside the room.. I knocked at the door and waited but she didn't say anything.. I knew she was up though..

"Goodmorning Ash.. Love you"

Today I had a lot of surgeries and a date I didn't want to go.. I didn't know what would happen, I didn't know what to do.. But when it came to the noisy nurses and Ashley I was choosing Ashley.. I would rather deal with the rumors but not with Ashley not talking to me..

TBC

Reviews are always welcome

A/N.. Hey guys.. I know its not a long chapter.. I am thinking to finish this story in 40 chapters.. So three more and we have the end..