So… this was marked as complete as I had no intention of keeping this story going after the first chapter. But a couple of readers asked for a sequel and I decided to give it a try. Hope you like it. This starts where the ep left off. Spoilers for 4x07 Cops and Robbers. And possibly some spoilers for 4x09 Killshot.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Wow. The wall was down. She had no idea it would make such a difference. Not only in her relationship with Castle – though that was definitely an option now, she smiled to herself -, but in her enjoyment of normal things as well. She couldn't remember the last time she had had so much fun just joining a family dinner, even if it wasn't her own family. Yet. She could almost literally feel the debris of the wall disappearing. Every time Castle said something, gave her one of his genuine smiles, or stared at her when he thought she wasn't looking, she felt a little piece of the burden of the wall leave her. She was sure it wouldn't be long before she was ready to live the rest of her life to the fullest. And judging by the way Castle had been hovering over her ever since that moment in the bank, she knew he was ready for the next step as well.
So when first Martha excused herself to go to a premiere party: "Don't wait up for me!" and soon after, Alexis made herself scarce: "Girl's night out, remember?", they found themselves alone at the loft.
Castle was just closing the door after saying goodbye to Alexis and as he turned around, he found Kate standing in the middle of the room, looking at him and smiling like an idiot. No, never an idiot, like a…. like a… he was at a loss for words. Instead he just grinned back like there was no tomorrow. It took them almost a full minute to realize they were staring and the moment that fact registered, they both took a step forward. The spell broken by the movement, Castle snapped out of it first.
"Would you like to watch a movie?" He gestured towards the couch.
"Sure." Kate said, but she really couldn't care less. It felt like the dam had broken and she needed to go with the flow. Following his suggestion, she turned and made herself comfortable on the couch, leaving a small space on one side and a large one on her other side. Castle made a quick stop-over in the kitchen to get some more wine and glasses. As he put it all on the table and poured her a drink, he made to sit in the large spot, but before he could, he was stopped by her hand and a glint in her eyes he had rarely seen.
"What? Do you need anything else?"
She just nodded and her smile grew an inch or two. She batted her eyelashes at him and with a decisive flirtatious voice, she patted the couch on her other side and said: "I just thought you might want to sit a bit closer… Rick." She almost purred his name.
Castle's eyes widened and he swallowed: "W-w-what?"
"Come on, Castle, you're smarter than that. Don't tell me you don't feel it too."
He lowered himself carefully in the tight spot next to her, trying his best not to touch her. Not too much anyway. It wasn't that he didn't want to touch her, but he was afraid he might not be able to keep his hands to himself once that happened.
"Uh. What do you mean?" He was having trouble focusing, sitting this close to her.
"I never figured you for the nervous type," Kate said.
"I'm not. Who are you and what have you done with Kate?" He seemed to be in control of his voice again. Thank you.
"I mean… the bank, after the explosion. That moment, you know, the one your mother so graciously interrupted…," she began, shifting so she was facing him, pulling one leg in and unintentionally leaning against his knees with the other one.
"Yeah. I know. I'm just not sure I read it correctly. I'm afraid to believe it."
Taking a quick glance at their knees, touching, he decided he could handle it. For now.
Taking it one step further still, Kate softly grabbed his hands in hers and let them rest in her lap. Staring down at them, she started: "Well, believe it, Rick. Hearing that explosion, knowing you were inside, seeing that rubble, all I could think about was that you might be dead. That was all it took for my wall to come down. "
She looked up and into his eyes, still holding his hands, silently rubbing them with her thumbs.
"I felt it crumbling down as I walked through the debris of the bank, calling for you, getting more desperate every time, until you finally answered. That was when the first glimpse of light shone through the remains of my wall and into my heart."
Rick just sat there smiling, memorizing her words and enjoying the feel of her touch.
"That's when I knew I had to tell you." She paused.
Rick looked confused. "Tell me what?"
"Please, don't be mad at me, Rick. I was afraid."
"Afraid of what? And why would I be mad at you?"
"Afraid of living. It's why I lied."
Finally realizing what this was about, he suddenly pulled his hands back, sitting up straighter.
"I *thought* you lied! I got that. It was a lot to take in. I hadn't planned on dropping it on you like that. But why keep on lying? I've asked you several times since, and every time you said you didn't remember."
"Because it meant I would have to let my wall down. And I wasn't ready. Or rather, I thought I wasn't ready. It made it easier."
He got up and started pacing the room.
"For you maybe, yes. Do you have any idea how I felt? Every time you lied, it felt like you were rejecting me. I told myself, you hadn't heard it, so you didn't mean it like that. You didn't know any better. But you did!"
"And I hate myself for making you go through that. But you have to understand, Rick. This wall has been there for as long as I can remember, ever since my mom died. I had no idea what I was missing. I never knew better. Please, forgive me."
She held out her hands to stop him as he paced by.
Not quite ready to forgive her, but not really willing to stay mad at her for long either, he sat down on the chair next to the couch with his arms on his knees and stared at his feet. He let out a deep sigh.
"Please, Rick? I need you to forgive me. I'm ready now. The wall is gone. Please forgive me, so we can get past this and move forward." She was practically begging.
Slowly, Rick held out his hand. She took it in hers as she looked into his eyes.
"It doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you," he said, but a small smile appeared in his eyes.
"I know. But we can get past that. Right? All we need is time."
It was a good thing she was staring at him so intently, as she would have missed his subtle nod.
Ok. Apparently there's more where that came from… no idea you how I want to end this, but this probably isn't it. I'll try to write regularly. Could be one more chapter, could be more. We'll see where my inspiration leads me. Any comments, tips? Feedback is appreciated! Thank you for reading!