OK then, here we have the next review, and the next guest star episode! And possibly the last for this fic. I might have one or two more in mind, but I won't make any promises. We'll have to wait and see.
Today's fic comes recommended by one Mr Drill. As always, if you agree or disagree with the choice, you know who to talk to.
Enjoy!
/
Crona was quickly starting to realize that being wrong wasn't as good a thing as he thought it would be.
The last time there was a "guest star", he'd been told that there would be more. But Crona couldn't think of who else would be brought in. The Host seemed to have been targeting his immediate circle of friends, and he had just finished bringing them in. He had only just made friends with Kim, so it seemed unlikely that she would be a target.
Being something of a pessimist, Crona assumed that if he was wrong about something, it was usually a good thing, as being right about something would mean something bad.
It was almost ironic that he was wrong about that too.
"Crona? Are you alright?"
Crona looked up at the source of the voice, faltering slightly, knowing he'd have to tell a small lie to the smiling face.
"I'm a-alright…Professor Marie…"
Marie tilted her head slightly, but made no comments as she turned and resumed walking down the hall, leading towards the doors that went into the theater.
Crona glanced beside him to see Maka staring at him, her concern for him clearly evident on her face. She was right to feel that, as Crona was absolutely miserable.
And what was particularly frustrating was that he wasn't entirely sure why.
"I'm actually kinda surprised you wanted to go to the movies with us." Marie said, looking back and giving the two another smile. "I didn't think you'd want to hang around with a couple of old squares like us."
"Marie." a voice called from further ahead. "I may not be a linguistics expert, but I'm fairly certain children today no longer use the term "old square"."
Marie sighed, running slightly to catch up with the tall, lab coat-wearing figure ahead of her. She gave him a slight tap on the shoulder once she did.
"Oh, like you would know anything about what the kids are saying today, Frank."
Stein looked at her, showing slight confusion on his face. "…didn't I just say I didn't?"
Crona looked at Maka, clearly confused at the term "old square" that Marie used. Maka shook her head.
"I'll explain later." she muttered.
Crona gave a small sigh, his thoughts returning to just why he felt like total garbage right then.
Obviously Marie had been incredibly nice to him (for reasons he still couldn't wrap his head around), but that couldn't have been the sole reason for it. Maybe it was because Marie had been exceptionally affectionate towards him lately, even if he wasn't entirely sure why. Not only that, but Stein had been a bit more…understanding lately. He hadn't been all that upset when Crona had disappeared from class that one day, and actually gave him the work he had missed. It was utterly baffling to Crona.
But it couldn't just be because the two of them were being so nice to him. There had to be something more to it. He viewed each of the other guest stars as his friends. How did he view Marie and Stein? How were they related to him?
Of course, there was one possibility that could be the case…
…but he wouldn't bring them in just because of that… Crona thought. …would he?
He looked up to notice that Stein and Marie had stopped further ahead in front of the twin doors. Crona and Maka had slowed down in their walking, the both of them watching Stein open and close one of the doors repeatedly.
"…the hinges are loose." Stein observed.
Probably from Subarashii kicking it in so many times… Crona thought.
"That's great, Frank." Marie remarked. "Can we go inside now?"
Stein turned to her, frowning slightly. "Shouldn't we wait for Maka and Crona?"
Marie turned to look back at the two of them, and Crona was surprised to see a look of what appeared to be understanding suddenly come over Marie's face. She quickly turned back and linked her arm with Stein's, flashing him another smile.
"Oh, they'll catch up soon enough. Let's go get our seats!"
Marie then pushed the door open and started to pull Stein inside, but not before looking back at Maka and Crona and giving them a wink. (or so Crona assumed, with her eyepatch making things a little confusing) The two of them soon disappeared, with Marie giggling something about how she "felt like she was on a date" as they entered the theater.
Maka and Crona soon stopped in front of the doors, neither of them moving to enter just yet. Maka turned to look at Crona, who was staring down at the floor, rubbing his arm as per his habit.
"…how're you holding up?"
Crona simply shook his head, not looking up at Maka.
Maka moved closer to him and wrapped him up in a hug, squeezing him gently. A few seconds later, Crona turned and did the same to Maka, resting his face in her shoulder.
"They're going to be OK. The others got through this. They will too."
Crona didn't make any sort of response at first, which only made Maka even more worried. She squeezed him tighter, hoping that it'd be encouraging for him.
"…Maka."
Maka pulled back to look at Crona's face. "What is it?"
Crona stared directly at her, his eyes not showing any sort of emotion. Maka hated to think it, but they looked almost dead.
"…you were the first one." Crona started. "He could've picked someone from Raven's or Subarashii's world…but instead he picked you. Then it was Soul. Then Black*Star and Tsubaki. Then Kid, Liz, and Patty. He targeted all of you…because I care about you. Because you're all my friends."
Crona looked at the doors before continuing. "And now he's brought them here…and I don't even know what to think of them. They've been so nice to me lately, but I don't know about them…and he brought them here."
He turned to look back at Maka, his voice now shaking as though he was about to start crying. "He's started targeting people I might care about, Maka! No one I know is going to be safe! Everyone at the DWMA…everyone in Death City could be in danger just because they know me!"
"Crona, please…" Maka started, gently cupping Crona's face with her hands.
"…he's punishing me, Maka."
"Crona, no-"
"He is. He's punishing me for what I've done, and he's going after everyone that matters to me to do it. He's going to keep hurting people I care about to make me pay for everything bad I've ever-"
He was soon cut off by Maka pulling him back into a hug, gently pushing his face against her shoulder. It didn't take long for the tears to start coming.
Maka gently rubbed his back while holding him, shushing him quietly while he made frightened sobs into her shoulder. After a few minutes, his sobs quieted, and she heard his breathing slowly return to a calm rate.
"…I've said this a hundred times already, and I'll say it a hundred more if I have to." Maka whispered. "This isn't your fault, Crona."
She pulled back again, then reached up and gently wiped away the stray tears that were still on his face. "Besides, it doesn't make any sense that he would punish you. Why would he purposely alter the timeline just so he could hurt you more?"
Crona sniffled slightly, not answering Maka's question.
"…Crona, I didn't even have to fight you when I found you, remember?" Maka continued. "All we did was talk, and you were more than willing to come back. Why would he make things easier for us only to purposely hurt you later on?"
Crona simply shook his head, not having an answer for her.
Maka sighed, her hands moving away from his face and wrapping around his back.
"Crona, look at me."
Crona raised his head, noticing the determined expression on Maka's face.
"If, through some small chance, The Host was punishing you, then he is wrong to do so. He might have a ton of power backing him up, but he is not God, or anyone even remotely important in your life. He doesn't get to judge your actions, or decide what should be done in response."
She reached up and gently tilted his head forward, allowing their foreheads to touch. She gave a small sigh before continuing.
"But you're right…he has hurt you a lot…"
"Maka…"
"I know, I know, he's hurt me and the others too. Doesn't change the fact that you got hurt too. And trust me, he's gonna regret that."
Crona pulled back slightly to get a better look at Maka's face, which was wearing that confident smile that he loved so much.
"Trust me, if I ever meet him, I'll kick his omnipotent ass so hard, he'll become the only celestial being with a limp."
Crona stared at Maka for a few seconds, before a small smile came over his face.
Said smile quickly vanished when two ear-piercing screams rang out from the theater.
Oh God, I forgot to warn them! Maka thought, as Crona tore away from her and burst through the doors so fast that Maka was surprised they hadn't been knocked clean off.
Crona frantically dashed down the stairs, both Marie's and Stein's prone forms on the floor at the bottom. He knelt down beside Marie, Maka running past him towards Stein.
"Professor Marie!" Crona cried out, shaking the curled-up body in front of him.
Why her? Why did this have to happen to her too? he thought frantically.
Marie slowly uncurled, looking up at Crona. Crona tried to not focus on the tears streaming down her face.
She slowly sat up, her gaze not leaving Crona for a moment. Once she had fully risen, she quickly reached forward and pulled Crona into a hug, squeezing him tight.
Crona quickly did the same, thinking that Marie needed comfort right then.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" he whispered.
"It's OK…" she whispered back. "You have nothing to be sorry for…"
How can she say that without even knowing what's going on? Crona wondered.
He was surprised to suddenly feel Marie's hands gently rubbing his back, pulling him as close to her as possible at the same time.
"Oh, Crona…" she whispered. "You poor, poor boy…"
That was the last thing Crona expected her to say right then.
…she's…she's actually thinking about me?
But it did make sense, to a degree. With the random knowledge now filling her mind, Marie now knew everything Crona had been through. Every experience the manga and anime had shown him go through. But the idea that she was thinking of him right then instead of herself…
Crona felt oddly warm then. It was different from whenever Maka hugged him, or that one time he and Kim had hugged. It was comforting, yet in a different sense. He felt safe. Secure. Like if there was anything to worry about, it could be dealt with. Yet there was something very strange about this feeling.
His eyes widened when he realized why. He had felt this once before. Only once before.
And it had ended in absolute disaster.
NO. he told himself. This isn't her. It's Professor Marie. They're two completely different people. You can't do that, the real one is dead, she died a long time ago, you can't think about her, stop thinking about Professor Marie like this, stop it stop it STOP IT!
"Professor Marie!"
Crona and Marie quickly pulled apart when they heard Maka's scream. They turned to look at her, only to see Stein.
He was sitting up, staring blankly straight ahead. Crona could only barely see past the glasses, but his pupils had shrunk, and his mouth was slightly open.
"…Frank?" Marie cautiously asked, moving closer to him.
Stein didn't answer, or give any indication that he had even heard Marie. He slowly raised a hand and reached into his lab coat.
"Frank, what are you doing?" Marie asked.
Crona could see Stein slowly pull out something he hoped he wouldn't see:
A scalpel.
"Frank, no!" Marie cried, grabbing onto Stein's arm. "This is not the time for dissecting! Put that down!"
Stein ignored her, gripping the scalpel tightly in his hand.
"Frank, stop it!" Marie yelled, trying to pry the scalpel from his hand.
Despite Marie holding onto him, Stein still gripped the scalpel, slowly pulling it back.
Ragnarok, if you can hear me, HELP! Crona thought, reaching behind his back, hoping Ragnarok would be there.
It was too late, though. Stein swung his arm.
"FRANK!"
SHLIK.
Crona winced, his eyes closed for a fraction of a second. He quickly opened them, expecting to see either Marie or Maka bleeding…
…and was surprised to see Stein pressing the blade of the scalpel into his other hand.
The only sound that was heard then was Stein's shallow breathing, the other three watching as blood dripped down from the wound on his hand. Stein grit his teeth, keeping his eyes fixed on his hand.
"…Frank?" Marie whispered, looking back up at him.
Stein quickly pulled the scalpel away and threw it to the ground, the blade skidding along past Crona. He then started patting his coat with his other hand, looking for something.
"Cloth…where's the cloth…" Stein muttered.
Marie reached inside his coat and pulled out a strip of white cloth. "Here."
Stein snatched it out of her hand and wrapped it around his wound. After a few seconds of trying and failing to tie a knot one-handed, Marie reached over and did it for him, tying the cloth tight around his hand.
"Tighter."
Marie pulled the knot tighter, causing Stein to give a slight hiss of pain. She pulled away, looking up at him as he continued to give shallow gasps for air.
"Frank, are you-"
"I'm alright…" Stein breathed out. "I'm alright…"
Marie gently wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close while letting him stay seating. Both Maka and Crona were mildly surprised when Marie then gently kissed the side of Stein's head. She held Stein for a few more moments, his breathing slowly returning to normal.
She then looked behind her and waved Crona over. "Come here, Crona."
She turned and looked over at Maka. "You too, Maka. Come over here."
Crona and Maka looked at each other for a second, before they both obeyed and moved closer to Stein and Marie. Marie wrapped an arm around Crona's shoulders and pulled him closer, before looking at Maka again.
"Come on, big group hug, everyone…"
Maka moved closer to Crona, wrapping an arm around his back. Crona soon returned the gesture. Maka then cautiously wrapped her other arm around Stein's back, and Stein soon did the same to her.
Crona really wasn't sure what to think of his current situation. Some childish part of his head once thought that hugging both Maka and Marie at the same time would feel absolutely incredible, but he felt more awkward than anything else right then. Maybe it was because Stein was there too, or maybe the situation preceding it ruined the mood.
He looked up to suddenly find himself staring directly into Stein's eyes. Stein's expression was blank, yet Crona could see that strange look Stein always had in his eyes. Like he was studying or examining Crona, trying to confirm if something was true.
Maybe Stein had come to the conclusion that Crona had a while ago, but tried to not think about too much: that the two of them were very similar. They both struggled with the Madness. They were both outcasts, in their own ways. They both hid what they felt and who they were, for different reasons. And they both had someone to ground them in reality, in sanity.
…is that why…? Crona wondered, before quickly pushing those thoughts aside. This definitely wasn't the time to dwell on that.
He felt Marie let go of him, indicating that the hug was over. The four of them separated, and Marie helped Stein to his feet. She carefully walked him over to a seat at the end of the row, beside the stairs. She sat beside him, and Crona took the seat beside her, Maka sitting on his other side.
"Professor Stein?" Maka asked. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, all things considered…" Stein answered. "Just a little dizzy from the blood loss…"
Crona looked down at the floor, noticing the discarded, bloody scalpel. Not far away from it was the letter that Marie and Stein must've read. Crona couldn't see what it said, nor did he particularly care.
"So…" Marie started, causing Crona to look back up at her. "What's going on here, anyway?"
Maka sighed, preparing the same explanation she had to use three times before.
"Basically, at some point in time, our host here implanted a block of knowledge into our minds, and when you read that letter, it showed you everything about known about our world."
Marie frowned. "So…that means…"
"Yeah. We're fictional characters."
Marie stared at the two of them, her face showing a combination of confusion and disbelief.
"That shouldn't be possible." Stein remarked. "Knowledge doesn't work like that."
"Yeah, I know…but it's true. Somehow, he pulled it off." Maka replied.
Marie looked at Crona. "So…when did you two learn about this…?"
Crona flinched slightly. "A few months ago…"
"…I see…"
Crona quickly looked back up at Marie. "I wanted to tell the both of you, I really did! But…he did something to our heads, so that we couldn't tell anyone who didn't already know…"
Marie smiled, gently patting Crona's shoulder. "It's alright. I'm not mad at you or anything. Really, I'm not."
Crona gave a slight sigh, but was still a bit unsure.
"So, we know the "how"." Stein commented. "So what's the "why"?"
Maka gave a small "heh" before answering. "Hope you're ready for this…you're here to review a bad piece of writing."
Marie and Stein leaned over to look at Maka, both of their faces giving incredulous looks.
"Yeah, I know, it sounds crazy." she replied. "It has a lot to do with The Host needing funding to cross over other worlds or something…"
Stein tilted his head. "Other worlds?"
"Y-Yeah…" Crona replied. "Sometimes I do this with people from other worlds…"
"And they're fictional too?" Marie asked.
"Yeah…well, I know one of them is, anyway…"
But he probably wouldn't bring him here if he wasn't… Crona thought.
"So, just to summarize." Stein began. "You two come here every so often to review bad writing, sometimes with people from other worlds, in order to fund some other being's studies with bringing the worlds together?"
"Well, when the people from the other worlds are here, I'm not." Maka answered. "Crona works with them to read stories about various worlds. When it's the two of us, it's usually a story about our world."
"…that sounds a lot less promising than it should."
"For very good reason…"
Marie looked at Crona. "So this is how you spend your weekends?"
"S-Something like that…" Crona replied.
Stein frowned, leaning forward while slowly turning the screw in his head. "So…this Host…he can bring alternate universes together, and is able to enter other people's minds, all without being seen in a physical form…just what sort of being can do that?"
Maka sighed. "Believe me, if we had the slightest clue, we would tell you…"
Crona shuddered. "I-I'm not entirely sure I want to know what he is…"
Marie frowned, quickly realizing that a change of subject was in order. She pointed down at the pile of letters on Crona's lap.
"What're all these for?"
"O-Oh…" Crona muttered. "F-Fanmail…"
"…fanmail?"
"Yeah…" Maka answered. "This is a pretty popular show, believe it or not…"
"Show?" Marie asked, quickly looking around. "We're on TV?"
"So that's where he gets the funding from…" Stein muttered. "While simultaneously keeping an eye on his subjects…"
…I really hope Professor Stein doesn't start to respect The Host… Crona thought while slowly opening the first letter.
Crona+Maka: Who do you think would win in a fight, Asura the Kishin or Hapxier from Macademi Wasshoi?
Maka looked up at the screen, looking rather incredulous.
"…please tell me you're joking."
Marie suddenly let out a shout, covering her face with her hands. "Why am I picturing an oiled-up muscled man running around in tights?"
Stein frowned. "…I told Spirit not to introduce you to professional wrestling."
"That's not what I meant!"
Crona decided it'd be better to just not ask, and opened the next letter.
To Crona and Maka
Hey guys, its me again, (the guy who told Crona to grow a set and called Maka a mary sue)
"Oh, joy, because we clearly wanted to talk to you again." Maka grumbled.
I guess you guys arent THAT bad, but, maka, for your information, I've been on the A+ honnor roll from seventh grade all the way to my grade right now *11th grade*
"Wow, I guess regular schools have ridiculously low standards these days."
and i go by the anime, i dont like the manga that much for many reasons.
"Then you're talking to the wrong people. Go watch some show that features the anime versions of us or something, and kindly leave us the hell alone."
Stein twitched slightly, giving the screw in his head another turn.
Also, out of curiosity, Ragnarok, have you ever considered to SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP?
I've always wondered that throught the series, because you should do that, shut the fuck up, ragnarok.
Maka pulled the letter out of Crona's hands and crumpled it up, tossing it to the floor.
"Sorry, but I'm the only one who gets to say that."
Marie frowned, looking behind Crona. "I haven't seen much of him lately, come to think of it…"
"I don't know what the problem is…" Crona muttered.
"…hey, Ragnarok! Why don't you come out? Come on, no need to be shy!"
"…P-Professor Marie, can you please not talk to my back?" Crona asked as he opened the next letter.
Crona: Can you bike? How far? Do you enjoy it?
"No, I can't…"
Maka: Do you have a driver's license? Permit?
"No, but I have been thinking about getting one…"
Maka then grabbed another letter off of the pile and opened it.
Maka:
Have you heard of the song called Dilemma by Nelly featuring Kelly roland?.
"No…why would I?"
Have you ever been to the Dominican Republic?.
"I think I did once…but it was for a mission, so I didn't really enjoy myself."
Have you ever been to a roller derby?
Maka sighed. "No, I haven't. And don't go turning that into a running joke or anything."
Marie tilted her head. "…should I ask?"
"P-Please don't…" Crona muttered.
Crona:
Have you ever heard of bachata music?
"…what music?"
Would you go time travling?
"Um…I guess…?"
Do you think Eruka is a dangerous witch?
"I-I guess she is…but I don't know if she's that bad…"
Stein frowned while Crona grabbed the next letter. "We are keeping her locked up for a reason, Crona."
"I-I know…"
To Crona and Maka.
What are five diffrent things that you two like/love about for one another?
Both parties blushed brightly, making sure not to look at the other.
"M-Moving on…" Maka muttered.
To Ragnarok.
I miss you. :(
Marie frowned while Crona grabbed the next letter. "Just how long has he been hiding, anyway?"
"A few weeks now…" Crona replied.
"…very unusual…" Stein remarked.
Everyone: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that neither Mariex
Crona let out a short shout, reading ahead and seeing where the letter was going. He quickly ripping the letter to pieces, throwing the pieces onto the ground in front of him.
"…me X what?" Marie asked.
"Nothing! Nothing at all! Absolutely nothing worth mentioning!" Crona shouted, face bright red.
Before Marie could protest, Crona quickly grabbed the next letter and opened it.
Crona
Did you ever get in trouble for sneaking out of class to go to Maka's bedroom? you dark horse you
Crona let out an embarrassed moan, his head quickly falling onto his tray.
He was surprised to hear Marie suddenly clear her throat, and looked up to see why. He was even more surprised to see her staring down at him, arms crossed and a stern look on her face. (or rather, as stern as Marie could be)
"You did what, now?" she asked.
Crona let out a squeak, quickly trying to think of an explanation.
"Well, I was just…you see, what happened was…it was all just…"
"I was sick!" Maka interjected. "I stayed home sick, a-and he came over to see me!" she then reached up and ruffled Crona's hair, a forced smile on her face. "Isn't he just the greatest?"
Crona forced a smile as well, trying to not blush at the compliment Maka had given him.
Marie looked between the two of them for a second, then reached down and gave Crona a light poke on the forehead.
"Don't let me catch you skipping class again, young man."
"Y-Y-Yes ma'am…"
Marie nodded, sitting back in her seat, feeling somewhat proud of herself.
you are using protection right?
Both Crona and Maka gave embarrassed cries, Maka quickly getting to her feet.
"I can't take this anymore! How are you people finding out about these things? We weren't anywhere near here when that happened! What, are there cameras following us around now? Stop stalking us! We've got enough crap to deal with here, we don't need you people invading our personal lives too!"
She then wheeled around, pointing at Marie and Stein.
"And before either of you ask, nothing happened!"
The two of them edged away, Marie wearing a sheepish smile on her face.
"W-We weren't going to say anything at all! Were we, Frank?"
"Right…nothing at all…"
Maka sat back in her seat, her face red from both embarrassment and her outburst. Marie turned to Stein, leaning to whisper in his ear.
"Frank…is it weird that I'm suddenly reminded of that one incident with Kami, Spirit, and that old Volkswagen?"
"…no, now that you mention it, I'm remembering that too…"
Maka
If your soul perception can cover the whole planet, and the moon apparently, why did you not use it to find Crona earlier, before the Russia and the Ukraine incident? Or just anytime before the order to 'deal' with him?
Maka froze, staring at the letter. Her mind was suddenly reeling with what was just mentioned to her.
…he's right. Why didn't I do that? What in the hell is wrong with me? I could've looked for Crona at any time, why did I wait until then?
She looked up to see Crona suddenly grab the letter, tearing the top half off while Maka still held onto the bottom half. He crumpled up his part, dropping it onto the ground.
"…it doesn't matter now…right?" Crona asked, looking at Maka.
Maka stared at Crona for a second, before smiling and crumpling up her half. She dropped it onto the ground beside Crona's.
"Right. Doesn't matter now."
Crona smiled back, grabbing the next letter and opening it. He didn't notice Marie trying to suppress an "aw" from escaping her mouth.
Crona
1)What kind of Pan
Crona let out another cry, seeing where the rest of the letter was going and quickly tearing it to shreds. He threw the pieces onto the ground, before practically jumping out of his chair and frantically stomping on the pieces. After a few seconds, he stopped, breathing heavily while standing on the shredded paper.
"…should we-" Stein began.
"No!" Crona cried out. "It was nothing! Nothing I want to talk about! Nothing at all!"
Stein looked at Marie in mild confusion while Crona sat back down and quickly opened the next letter, just wanting to be done as fast as possible.
Dear Crona and Maka.
You both rock...
I am so sorry you all had to sit through that amazingly horrible 'rip off/chat room on a cell phone/total dialogue with no real punctuation/who the hell is talking now/no amount of brain bleach will cleanse your mind of this crap' story...
It was too painful for me to actually read the whole thing... I gave up about ten minutes in, which is longer than I can force myself to pay attention to my own 14 year olds at home... sigh
There has GOT to be some sort of reward for doing this...
Something!
Anything!
Maka sighed as Crona placed the letter aside. "There really should be some sort of reward for doing this…I mean, we're here constantly, putting our mental health and wellbeing in peril, for the sake of entertainment and experiments. We should at least be getting paid for this."
"I don't think The Host particularly cares…" Crona muttered, grabbing the next letter.
"We could always go on strike."
"Knowing our luck, that'd just make things worse…"
Crona and Maka...
You both definitely deserve hugs...
Marie smiled, quickly wrapping Crona in a hug. "You most certainly do."
Crona flushed brightly, eyes darting about while he struggled with what to say in response.
Marie then reached past Crona, trying to grab Maka. She grasped around in front of Maka for a few seconds, before giving an annoyed sigh.
"Maka, lean over. I can't reach you from here."
Maka flushed as well, but decided to obey, leaning closer to Crona.
It took some rather odd maneuvering, but somehow, Marie managed to give both of them a sort of simultaneous half-hug. Once everyone had got back into their seats, Crona opened the next letter.
Maka:
1) What is your favorite memory?
"When I defeated Arachne and made Soul into a Death Scythe."
2) What is your favorite book?
Maka sighed. "For the last time, I don't know. I read pretty much everything I can get my hands on, it'd take me forever to pick an absolute favourite."
Chrona:
1) is Ragnarok ever tolerable?
"…I guess lately would count…"
2) Do you like to read?
"Y-Yes, of course…"
Maka frowned slightly at the "of course", but didn't say anything, letting Crona open the next letter.
CRONA: Hey have you ever considered asking Prof Stein to give you medical training ? and please dont start the im not smart enough arguement you are at least an average student with little prievius education so your obviusly very smart you just lack knowlege and think about it if some thing happend to one of your friend's let's say Maka you could save their life or if they get sick you could take care of them
"…I never really thought about it…"
Stein frowned, looking over at Crona. "Crona, this person brought up a point you should be fully aware of: your marks are average. But if you wanted to pursue a medical profession, your marks would need to be exceptional, not average."
He gave the screw in his head a short turn, before continuing. "If you do want me to give you some medical training, then I expect you to apply yourself to your work until your marks jump up. Understand?"
Crona nodded slightly, surprised at Stein's sudden interest. "Y-Yes sir…I understand…"
…that was a bit odd… Crona thought while opening the next letter.
Maka:
whats your faveorite stephen king book?
"Hmm…it'd probably be one of his short story collections…I'll have to think about it."
Crona:
Do you know a witch whose animals theme is alligators?
"No…why would I know someone like that…?"
Maka reached over and grabbed the next letter on the pile, opening it and reading the contents.
Maka and Crona
Have you ever watch the show family matters?
"No, I don't think we have…" Maka replied.
Maka:
ever played the jak and Daxter from 2001?
"No, I don't play a lot of video games."
Maka grabbed the next letter on the pile, looking up at Marie's and Stein's confused faces.
"…yeah, when the letters aren't incredibly embarrassing, they're really confusing."
Stein sighed. "Rather unfortunate for you two to be caught in a lose-lose situation."
"To say the least…"
Maka&Crona:
Do you guys think you can beat both Naruto and Gaara in a tag team match?
"Um…sure?" Maka answered.
Whats your favorite culture in the world?
Maka and Crona looked at the letter, before looking at one another. They both shrugged and placed the letter aside.
"Let's just move on to the last letter so we can get on with this…" Maka muttered.
Crona nodded, opening the last letter.
If you guys are in the year 2003/4, then can you guys go and warn Shinigami that he must stop the sub-prime mortgage market and prevent the Second Great Depression?
The world('s economy) depends on it.
"…I don't think Lord Death has any control over the economy." Maka replied.
Stein gave an annoyed sigh. "Not that that's stopped anyone. One time back in the 70's, a number of politicians came over and asked Lord Death to do something about the recession that was going on at the time. He basically laughed them out of the room."
"…that was pretty stupid of them."
"Politicians haven't changed much from when we were your age, Maka."
Crona simply tilted his head in confusion, then noticed something amiss about the table in front of them.
"…where's the envelope?"
Marie blinked, then pointed at the letter on the floor. "That was on the table when we got here."
"What did it say?" Maka asked.
"Some title, which I'm assuming is for the story we're here to review." Stein answered. "It was called "The Hell Inside My Head", by someone named "glow vomit"."
Stein and Marie then turned to look at Crona, who had given a slight groan and covered his face with his hands.
"Just great…" he muttered.
"…am I missing something? Why are you suddenly upset, Crona?" Marie asked.
"Um…I forgot to mention something." Maka explained. "See, usually the "guest stars" show up here because the story we're going to review has something to do with them."
"…then, taking the title into account…" Stein began.
Marie pointed at Stein, then at herself, then at Crona, the connection soon dawning on her.
"…oh dear."
"Yeah…" Maka muttered.
Before any further comments could be made, the lights dimmed, and the show began.
/
Marie loved having as little work as possible.
Crona: Oh, no author's notes…that doesn't happen that often…
Marie: Author's notes?
Maka: It's where the author rambles on for no reason other than thinking that people came to see them talk.
Then she could concentrate on what was really important. She swept and dusted Stein's laboratory and washed out all the test tubes and beakers. At least now she didn't need to use the beakers for coffee. Still, she had to be careful; she couldn't leave anything in Stein's laboratory out of place or he would get annoyed. But if she put everything back exactly where she found it, he wouldn't even notice she'd been there, because Stein didn't know the difference between clean and dirty. She shuddered to remember how the place looked before she'd moved in. It was a good thing she'd come when she did.
Stein: It wasn't all that bad.
Marie: …are we talking about the same house?
Stein: I'll have you know that I am very organized.
Marie: Organized doesn't mean clean, Frank…
Marie's favorite thing about cleaning was that it made her feel like she was married, like she was a good housewife to Stein and a good mother to Crona.
Marie: *heavy blush*
Crona: *heavier blush*
She daydreamed that this wasn't just a twisted dream, daydreamed that Stein would make some sort of advance on her...aside from the time she'd caught him at her bedside with a scalpel.
Marie & Stein: Never happened!
Marie: …or anything else, for that matter…
Stein & Crona: *sputter*
After that, she started locking the door, which she knew was disruptive to her imaginary married life, because her imaginary husband should be in allowed in her bedroom...but that didn't mean she wanted to be dissected and experimented on like Stein had done to Spirit for years. Then again, maybe Stein had done it because he liked Spirit. She wasn't sure if Stein liked her like that though.
Stein: …question: Do these authors assume that, just because two people may be a weapon and meister team, that they have some degree of romantic interest between them?
Maka: In most cases, yes.
Stein: That is incredibly ignorant of them.
Maka: It definitely is.
Sighing, she went back to the kitchen to start boiling some water for the macaroni and cheese she was going to make for dinner. Marie liked to think she was a good cook, or at least she hoped she was, because that would make her seem like a good candidate for marriage, right? The children at Shibusen always told her they looked her cooking, but maybe they were just being nice.
Maka: We aren't just being nice! You are a good cook, Professor Marie! Really!
Crona: *nods*
Marie: Aww, thanks you guys…
Still, maybe Stein would like her cooking enough to marry her! If only he wouldn't smoke so much, if only he wouldn't spend every waking moment in the laboratory, if only he didn't have to put stitches on every damn thing, including his formal clothes...
Stein: *sighs* That was just because there was a rip in my suit and I didn't want to spend the money on a tailor.
Marie: *hmphs* A likely story…
The water would take forever to boil since she'd lost the lid to the pot: one potential housewife failure. Well, if Stein wasn't going to be perfect either, she was allowed some failures, right? Maybe not. If she were allowed a few failures, she'd be married by now.
Marie: …you know, I'm not that obsessed with getting married. …really, I'm not.
Stein: …why am I getting a picture of a toilet right now?
Marie: Frank, don't make me hurt you.
And it was in the middle of this lamentation that the doorbell rang. She tossed a pinch of salt into the pot and ran to answer it.
And standing in her doorbell was Azusa. Marie's first thought was, would Stein and Crona be home soon? Azusa had so much nerve. Self-consciously, Marie realized she was wearing nothing but a lacy little nightgown under her apron. She'd been putting off getting dressed properly and hadn't yet decided if she wanted to be dressed like this around Stein.
Stein: …oh my.
Crona: *covers face*
Marie: …*blush*
"Home alone, Marie?" Azusa said.
"I...yes, I am! It's nice to see you, Azusa...er...what are you doing here?"
"Just visiting my friend. What on earth have you been doing all day?"
Marie could tell Azusa's eyes were wandering, taking in her revealing nightgown. And meanwhile, Azusa looked so damn composed, wearing her pinstriped suit as always.
Marie: …I'm sorry, what?
Maka: …oh dear God…
Crona: *curls up, covering ears* Let me know when it's over…
Marie: Wait, what's the matter? What's going on?
Marie didn't think women should wear suits like that. She didn't believe all that empowered woman stuff Azusa did (though she felt embarrassed enough not to tell Azusa she'd been cooking and cleaning all day).
Marie: Excuse me? Where in the hell did you get that from? So, what, because I want to be a housewife, you assume that I don't think women should be empowered? That's the most misogynistic thing I've ever heard!
Maka: Woo! Go Professor Marie!
Azusa may have been younger, but she should have been trying harder to find a husband while she was still in her prime, instead of letting the chance slip away like Marie had...
"Are you home alone?" said Azusa.
Marie almost wanted to lie and say no, that Crona was there, but Azusa would have seen through it...and that dark little voice in her head said, maybe you don't even want to lie. Maybe you're that starved for attention.
Stein: …what the hell is going on?
Marie: I'm not sure I want to find out…
Maka: If my guess is right, no, you don't…
"I am...would you like some tea?"
"Depends what you mean by tea. Why don't we just sit down?" said Azusa.
Damn her.
Marie: …wait wait wait wait wait. This isn't…it's not trying to say…
Maka: *nods*
Marie: …*heavy blush* Oh God!
"All right," Marie said, and she led Azusa to the living room couch.
"You're not still thinking about marriage all the time, are you?" said Azusa. "I remember when you smashed that toilet…because I said it could leak behind your back…."
"Oh, don't remind me! I was so embarrassed…."
Marie and Azusa both giggled.
"So do you still like teaching?" said Azusa. "I can't stand kids….Spirit and the other Death Scythes are enough to handle, and they're grown up."
"I hate working, but it's not the worst thing I could be doing. I love the kids."
They were already cuddling together on the sofa, just like normal friends would. But Marie knew they weren't like normal friends. She wasn't sure how this had started exactly, but one day Azusa had suddenly said, "You know, I could see us hooking up." And Marie had been horny enough to agree to a makeout session, but nothing too hardcore.
Marie: NO! Never! Not in a million years! Absolutely not! What…where in the hell are you getting this?
Stein: Would either repressed sexual desires or hormones be safe guesses?
Maka: Definitely…
Azusa hadn't been like this back at Shibusen, when the age gap between them had been more apparent. Then again, she'd always been dominating, controlling, strong….Still, Marie didn't know how she felt about having a younger woman throwing herself at her.
Sometimes she did wonder if Azusa used her clairvoyance to watch her getting changed, but she decided to push that thought to the back of her mind.
Marie: Oh, great, thanks, now I'm going to have to actually do that!
"You'd be a mean teacher," Marie teased.
"You're too nice."
"You're too naughty anyway…."
"Am I?" said Azusa with a devious smile.
Marie: Oh God, this is like a bad movie! A really bad movie that you get from a no-name rental store at two in the morning from behind the counter!
Stein: …that was oddly specific-
Marie: Reading too much into it!
Marie didn't have much time to think as Azusa started taking off her suit jacket and blouse, and the voice that said, "this isn't going to help you get married" was barely audible in her mind. She let Azusa's fingers work their way under her nightgown, only vaguely thinking that weapons should be more submissive than this. She could hear the water boiling over but chose to ignore it.
Before all they'd done was kiss, and that wasn't too different among girls, was it? A mouth was a mouth. And Azusa's hands fondling her breasts could have been anyone's hands, right? But Marie's own hands were moving toward Azusa's soft breasts, and this was different. But before she could explore too much, Azusa initiated a passionate kiss. No, it wasn't passionate; this didn't mean anything to either of them, at least not to Marie. For Marie, it was just an outlet.
She let Azusa take control, let her bite her neck and then even her nipples, so long as no visible marks were left, which Azusa understood. They cuddled more afterward, and when Azusa looked at Marie, they both starting giggling like naughty schoolgirls. They stayed like that until Azusa had to go do work and Marie was left feeling lonely and a bit guilty, but strangely satisfied as she returned to her housewife duties.
Marie: *shocked silence*
Stein: …*takes off glasses, rubs eyes, puts glasses back on* …did that just happen?
Maka: Yes, yes it did…
Stein: …I'm assuming the "can't tell anyone else" part you mentioned means Marie won't be getting any therapy any time soon?
Maka: Afraid not…
The water in the pot was almost all boiled away by now.
This didn't mean Marie's perfect married life was shattered, did it? Crona and Stein were screwed up enough she could afford to be screwed up; that was her only justification and she knew it didn't suffice.
Marie: No shit!
But Spirit had cheated on his wife all those years, and they'd only just gotten divorced...
Marie: Oh you did not just compare me to Spirit of all people! I am nothing like that two-timing womanizing piece of…sorry, Maka.
Maka: No, no, by all means, continue. Probably nothing I haven't heard or said myself already.
Yes, Marie's married life was just fine. She started making dinner all over again, daydreaming about Stein and Crona coming home and telling her the food was wonderful.
Maka: *pokes Crona* This chapter's over.
Crona: *looks up* …any chance I could just stay like this?
Maka: Somehow, I don't think that's gonna fly, Crona…
Crona: *uncurls* I was afraid you'd say that…
Stein was happiest when he was in a laboratory. And while he preferred his own, Shibusen's lab had certain resources. He'd had to beg Shinigami-sama for permission to use it, because no one really trusted him since he'd recently been so insane. But here he was, doing his special experiment on Crona.
Stein: …this can't be good.
Crona: *whimper*
"You can't dissect Crona and Ragnarok," Marie had said. "We're responsible for them now."
Stein had promised he wasn't going to dissect anyone—and no endangered species either. Luckily, he had another experiment in mind.
"This operation is necessary for your full recovery after that fight," Stein said to Crona. "I need to restore your black blood to its former state."
"Uh…okay…."
Crona: Um…how?
Stein: I'm actually curious about that myself…
Stein kind of felt bad lying, but he didn't want to ask Crona's opinion because if Crona said no, he'd miss out on his chance to do this experiment.
Stein: Oh. That actually makes more sense.
This way, he could just make it look like an accident.
Maka: …make what look like an accident?
What had he even been thinking feeling bad about it, when this was for science?
Yes, for science…
Stein: …what is "Still Alive", and why do I feel like singing it right now?
Maka: That happens sometimes…
"I'm just going to hook you up to this machine and drain out half of your black blood."
Yes. Stein giggled to himself.
"Uh…Dr. Stein….A-are you okay?"
"Of course I am. Now, this won't hurt a bit…."
Crona: …does anyone actually believe that?
Stein: No. Which would be why I never say it.
Others: …*slowly edge away from Stein*
"A-are you s-sure?"
"Well, you'll be unconscious. But don't worry. I know this operation will be a success!"
"O-okay."
But Stein was being careless. His mind was wandering. Was this the madness again? The madness never really went away, even now that the Kishin was gone….Or was the Kishin gone?
"You know what you want to do, Stein. You want to cut everything apart…" said a voice.
Could it be…Medusa?
Yes, now he could see her clearly, leaning over him as he prepared his tools. He cranked his screw a few times. Still there.
Shit.
Stein: …*starts twisting the screw in his head*
Marie: Frank…
Stein: I'd tell you if that was happening…
"You don't want to keep living with someone who only wants to take care of you….She can't give you what you want the way I can. I know it would mean the most if someone would—"
"I can't listen to you…"
"—DISSECT YOU!"
Stein thought for a moment. Medusa was right, after all. He'd experimented on himself so much, but he would have preferred if someone else had thought he was interesting enough to dismantle. He wanted to dismantle the world and stitch it back up again. Why wouldn't it return the favor?
Stein: No, I'm fairly certain I don't want anyone to do that. …unless I'm dead, in which case, feel free.
And why did he have to follow rules and not just dissect Crona, but instead tiptoe around the rules, only doing what Shinigami-sama would let him get away with….
"Yes, you know what you want," said Medusa, smirking. "Become the man I want you to be…."
Medusa would have dissected him…cut him open…used him for research…and she would have been sexy the whole time, wearing nothing but her lab coat.
Stein: *twist* I. *twist* Do. *twist* Not. *twist* Have. *twist* These. *twist* Thoughts!
"No!" said Stein. He cranked his screw again. "I need to focus….I need to focus on this experiment….Aren't you dead?"
Of course, Medusa was dead. He was hallucinating again.
Maybe the Kishin was gone, but his madness was forever. Stein knew that all too well. Whenever he was away from Marie, it would return.
Stein: Again, Marie, I would tell you if that was true.
Marie: I know…I know…
Even Spirit had that calming effect, to an extent. Spirit was just so simple-minded, it was calming…and endearing. Marie wasn't simple-minded; she just acted like that, but Stein knew she was still such a hard worker.
But she doesn't share your passion…The voice said again. Your passion to dissect…and to be dissected…strapped to a table, with her holding a scalpel over you, ready to cut you open and pin down the flaps of skin….
"SHUT UP!" said Stein.
He looked down. Here was Crona, the legacy of madness left behind by Medusa. The pathetic, weak child Medusa had abused until it was a complete nervous wreck. But it was such a fascinating test subject. No, it was a "he"—despite the dress.
Maka & Crona: Robe.
Marie: …now, Crona, there's nothing wrong with you wearing a dress-
Crona: It is a robe! Really!
Medusa really was deranged.
Maka & Marie: Fucking duh!
Stein was required to hate what Medusa had done, he knew that. Crona was the result of the bad kind of research, the kind Stein knew he had to resist doing.
Crona: …no comment…
Maka: *hugs Crona* That is not what the author meant. …or, at least, it better not have been…
Yet here he was, experimenting on a kid, and it was none other than Crona. Was he the new Medusa? Was he really that bad?
No…I just want to know how things work and poke around a bit, Stein rationalized. What I'm doing for Crona will improve his life. My experiment will be beneficial.
Stein stared at the filter machine, watching the black blood course through it. The black blood could promote madness, so maybe he shouldn't be working with it so closely….
Finally, the machine was finished filtering the blood. The time had gone by quickly. Stein filled his giant syringe with the blood and prepared the body for injection.
Stein supposed his habit of visiting morgues to find human specimens had finally paid off. He preferred to work with live humans but was often without a subject besides himself.
Oh, dissecting. It was just so fun!
He couldn't help thinking about Marie the exact thing he'd always thought about Spirit: just how much nicer that smooth skin would feel if it were covered in scars.
Stein: No I don't no I don't no I don't!
But he needed to stop losing focus. The body was still lifeless, but Crona was waking up.
"W…what happened?" said Crona.
"Well, it seems that when I removed half of your black blood, I kind of, sort of….Well, I may have separated Ragnarok from you by accident because I removed just a bit too much…."
Marie: For the record, Frank, you're a terrible liar.
Stein: I've actually managed to trick Spirit a few times, for your information.
Marie: It's Spirit, it doesn't count.
Stein: …fair point.
"W-what does that mean? I don't think I can deal with anything happening to Ragnarok…."
"He's going to be perfectly okay. The operation really was a success, and Ragnarok will be fine. But like I said, something went wrong—not that it went horribly wrong, because it'll be okay—and now Ragnarok will just have his own body. He'll still be your partner and everything."
"But…how does Ragnarok live…if he's not attached to me?"
"Well, actually, Ragnarok has been living in your blood so long that he is unable to sustain himself outside your body. Since the situation was so dire, I fused him with this human corpse…."
"Er…Dr. Stein…w-why do you have a human corpse?"
Stein: Oh, I carry a few of them around with me in case of emergencies.
Others: …
Stein: …I'm assuming my attempt at a joke didn't go over very well?
Maka: Not really…
"Nevermind that, Crona. I think he's finally waking up!"
Indeed, the boy was no longer still, and his eyes were open.
"Goo…beeee," he said faintly. Ragnarok's soul had apparently influenced the body to change somewhat in appearance, and as a result, his human form reflected his original form. He had longish, tousled black hair, ear piercings, an X tattooed on his chest, and spiked wrist cuffs. Bizarre.
Stein: Hmm…can the black blood create clothes, Crona?
Crona: I-I wouldn't know…
But aside from his boxers, he was naked.
"What the hell is going on? Where am I? This isn't Crona's body…. Hey screw head, what's going on?"
"R-ragnarok…" said Crona.
"What the hell are you doing over there? What did the screw freak do to us?"
Stein laughed. "I thought you'd be happy, now that you can move around on your own."
"Wait, I can move around on my own? FUCK YEAH! I'm free! Now I can do whatever I want. This is so badass!"
"Can you stand yet?" said Stein. "See if that will work."
"I CAN STAND! AND I'M NAKED! AND I'M DAMN SEXY!"
"All right, well, I think it's time to go back home. Marie probably has dinner waiting."
"It better be tasty! I am so damn hungry! I'm gonna eat Crona's dinner too. And then…I'M GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE."
For the first time, Stein almost regretted doing science.
Almost.
Maka & Crona: *stunned silence*
Marie: …*snerk* I shouldn't be laughing at that…that's terrible…but the way he said it…
Stein: *furiously twisting the screw*
Maka: …Professor Stein? Is everything alright?
Stein: I want you three to realize that you should be thankful you don't have a mind like mine. A mind that's filled with curiosity and that imagines tons of scenarios and possibilities. A mind that is currently trying as hard as possible to not imagine Ragnarok having sex with literally every person I know.
Others: *shudder*
Crona always figured he felt the calmest when no one else was around. If he was all alone, he didn't have to deal with much. That seemed about right.
Crona: …not exactly…
But as far back as he could remember, he hadn't been truly alone. Ragnarok had always been there to taunt him, punch him, kick him...and he'd grown used to it. So used to it that he almost liked it, or at least that he didn't know any other way to be. He needed someone to pick on him; calm made him uneasy.
Maka: …Crona?
Crona: …let's just move on…
And living with Miss Marie and Dr. Stein was already no good for his nerves. Medusa was his real parent, and she'd always locked him in a dark room. Miss Marie and Dr. Stein weren't his real parents, and he'd betrayed them, and they were still so nice to him. They had no reason to be kind. Even when he'd been a good child, Medusa hadn't been kind, so why should they? It was almost scary. It made him want to be good at school and everything.
Stein: …*turns screw*
Marie: *looks down, twiddling thumbs*
Write a poem if you're worried, Maka had said, and he'd done it, but his poem had only depressed everyone.
Marie: It wasn't that bad…
Crona: *stares at Marie*
Marie: …never mind.
He wasn't good at school. School was just another thing he couldn't deal with, another thing he found hopelessly overwhelming. He tried not to think too much, tried not to pay attention to the Hell inside his head.
Crona: I am really regretting using that metaphor…
Maka said the Hell would go away with time, but he wasn't sure of that. The problem with not thinking was that it made you do stupid things. It made you unable to focus on anything. But then thinking was a million times worse, so he accepted the haze. Needed it, in fact.
Ragnarok didn't have the haze. He didn't need it. He always saw things the way they were, and it never even bothered him. Crona didn't really understand how that was possible, how someone could brush off terrible things and just deal with them. But that was why he needed Ragnarok: not just so Ragnarok could hit him and call him stupid, but so Ragnarok could make him see what was in front of him.
And now, now that Ragnarok could leave Crona, he would. In fact, he was making that very clear.
Crona: …*curls up slightly*
Maka: …Crona?
Crona: I-I'm alright…I'm fine…
Maka: …*hugs Crona*
Marie: *hugs Crona as well*
"Holy fuck, walking is the shit!" he said wildly. "I can't fucking believe this. Man, I really hope Marie didn't burn dinner again. That'll ruin the fun of stealing yours, if it isn't that delicious."
"Miss Marie's food is always delicious..." mumbled Crona.
"Whatever, point is, soon as I swipe your dinner, I'm fuckin' out-a there, you know? Goo-bee!"
"I'm not really sure if it's safe for you to go out on your own yet, since you've only been separated from Crona for a very short time," said Dr. Stein. And Crona was silently victorious. But Dr. Stein continued with a smile, "But, what the hell, you may as well go out and see if anything weird happens. Could be interesting."
Damn it. Damn it all to hell.
Crona: …*shivers*
"MARIE, YOU DUMBASS, WE'RE HOME!" Ragnarok screeched at the door. "LET US THE FUCK IN!"
"Don't worry, I have a key. Marie's probably busy," Dr. Stein said calmly, searching his pockets. "Now where is it..."
"MARIE, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? I'M FUCKING HUNGRY, CAN'T YOU TELL? WALKING IS A LOTTA FUCKING EFFORT, YOU KNOW?"
"Quiet, Ragnarok, that's rude..." said Crona.
"Oh shut the hell up, you idiot. I WANT FOOD! MY FOOD AND YOUR—"
Marie: …my what? My what? He wants my food and my what?
Stein: It would probably be best to not dwell on that, Marie…
Crona: Please, please, please don't dwell on it…
A very flustered Miss Marie opened the door. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry I didn't realize you were there sooner. Oh, why didn't you just ring the doorbell!"
"Right...the doorbell..." Dr. Stein said with a nervous laugh.
And then she noticed.
"Wait—shit—who is that? Is that—Ragnarok? Stein…what on earth did you do?"
"Oh, well, just an experiment," Dr. Stein said nonchalantly. "Just having some fun….I wanted to see if the procedure would work. And…I guess it did."
"But…is that okay?" said Miss Marie. "Does Shinigami-sama know what you did?"
"More or less—okay, no! But he won't mind. We all agreed that what Medusa did to those two was wrong and that they shouldn't have to share a body…."
Miss Marie sighed. "I guess that's right. Well, come on, dinner was ready ages ago."
Once they were all seated at the dinner table, Ragnarok started rambling again. "So now that I have legs and a dick and stuff, I've been thinking a lot about who I'm going to fuck first. I'm going to fuck everyone, but—"
"Ragnarok!" said Miss Marie, and Crona was relieved. "I don't think that's an appropriate conversation for dinner, is it?"
"Why the hell can't I talk about who I'm gonna screw?"
"Stein, that's not appropriate, right?"
Dr. Stein, who had clearly been distracted in some way, looked up. "Yeah…sure…."
Miss Marie sighed again. She was always sighing.
Marie: …Frank not really paying attention, and Ragnarok cursing up a storm…that certainly sounds familiar…
Crona: *flinches*
Stein: I swear, I was very busy with work, and my mind was still focused on what Lord Death had told me.
Marie: That's no excuse! Crona was our guest, you could've at least tried to make conversation!
Crona wondered what Dr. Stein had been thinking about. Was it the experiment and him and Ragnarok? Suddenly he felt self-conscious. Would he have to do more tests? He hoped Dr. Stein wasn't planning any more. He liked Dr. Stein a lot—really, he did—but all the tests were so intrusive and personal.
Ragnarok didn't appear to care about Miss Marie's scoldings, as usual. "I bet if it were up to Crona, he'd want to screw Maka.
Crona: *head hits tray*
Marie: Oh, is that what those are for?
Maka: *hiding blush* Usually…
But she's boring and never has interesting panties under that short skirt. Tsubaki has way nicer tits—"
"Stop it, Ragnarok," hissed Crona.
"You shut up!" said Ragnarok. "I'm going to screw Maka and Tsubaki both! And Liz and Patty and everyone! And I've kinda always wanted to put Kid in a dress and fuck him violently. But it's just a matter of who do first!"
Maka: What in the hell?
Crona: Oh God…now the fangirls are going to be even worse than before…
Stein: The what?
Maka: Don't ask.
"Ragnarok," Miss Marie said again, but she probably realized trying to stop him was useless.
"But don't worry, Crona, I'll be gentle when I screw Maka—"
Maka: If he even tried, I'd decapitate him.
Crona could feel his cheeks warming as he tried to block out Ragnarok's words. He wouldn't think about Maka that way—no, not the way Ragnarok was talking about her, at least. That just seemed really rude and horrible to Crona. He did think Maka was pretty. Miss Marie and Tsubaki and Liz and Patty and Kid and lots of people were all pretty too. But to Crona, Maka was special—not because she was pretty, even, but because he shared something with her. That feeling probably had something to do with their friendship. Maka said they were friends, but since Crona had never understood what that meant until he came to Shibusen, he didn't know how to work out all those feelings.
Crona: …*head hits tray again*
Marie: …should we just move on?
Maka: Please.
Crona knew Ragnarok was his friend too, probably even his best friend since they'd been together so long. But he didn't have the kinds of feelings Ragnarok had—pervy ones as Maka would have called them.
"The food is really good, Miss Marie," said Crona quietly. Ragnarok had been so wrapped up in talking about who to screw first that he'd managed to let Crona eat some of his own dinner. Crona didn't really eat that much food anyway, so he still handed his mostly-full plate to Ragnarok.
"Yep, delicious!" said Ragnarok. "Needed more salt but whatever, I don't care, I was starving!"
Miss Marie smiled and said, "Oh, that you so much, I really had been hoping it wasn't terrible—did you like it, Stein?"
But Stein was staring into space. He hadn't even touched his food.
Marie: …to be fair, he wasn't that spacey.
Stein: Thank you.
"All right, well I'm outta here!" said Ragnarok, standing up. He stumbled a bit at first but had no problem racing to the door.
"Are you sure—" Miss Marie began, but he was gone before she could finish, and Dr. Stein hadn't even noticed a thing.
Crona was so angry at Ragnarok, and yet he wished he'd stayed, but he didn't go after him because he hated going out anyway.
Crona: …you're not going after him because you don't like to go out? *stands up* Go anyway! He just said he's going to go and rape all of your friends! Why aren't you trying to stop him? What is wrong with you?
Marie: …does this happen a lot?
Crona: *sits down* Us wondering what's wrong with our other selves…?
Marie: Yeah.
Crona: Too often…
And he thought maybe he should stay and keep Miss Marie company. He worried about being a bother, but she always said she liked looking after him.
He really felt sorry for Miss Marie. He knew it had to be hard for her to take care of all of them, even Stein. And now that Ragnarok had his own body, Crona could tell that Miss Marie's family life—whatever that was—had just gotten a lot more difficult.
Marie: Not to mention utterly bizarre.
Stein: I'm a mad scientist. Bizarre is when I'm having an off day.
/
The lights soon came back on, Crona's eyes already averted downwards. He could tell Maka and Marie were giving him concerned looks, but he didn't care right then.
He knew, looking back on this, that this would definitely be the most embarrassing experience of his life.
He heard someone get out of their seat, and peeked up to see that it had been Stein. He was standing in front of his seat, facing the screen.
"So…" Stein began. "Someone wrote what they believed to be us? They took their interpretations of who we are, and tried to explain them to us?"
"…that's one way of putting it, I guess." Maka responded.
Stein reached into his coat and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He placed one in his mouth, then pulled out a match, striking it along the side of the pack. He took a second to light the cigarette, quickly shaking the match out afterwards. He then took a deep drag, pulling the cigarette away and exhaling into the air.
"...then, in that case, there's nothing to be worried about."
Crona looked up in surprise, not understanding what Stein was talking about.
"It was simply a misinformed opinion of us. It wasn't who we really are. Therefore, it's nothing to be concerned about." Stein explained.
With that, Stein placed the cigarette back in his mouth, then turned and headed for the stairs.
Marie watched Stein for a second, before turning to look at Maka and Crona. She flashed them a smile, jerking a thumb back at Stein.
"What he said."
She then got out of her seat and quickly ran after Stein, catching up to him and linking arms with him again.
Maka slowly got out of her chair, Crona soon doing the same. The two watched Marie and Stein ascend the stairs for a few moments, before Maka looked at Crona.
"Well…figures that Stein would figure it out that quickly."
Crona simply nodded, eyes still watching the two of them.
"…you OK, Crona?"
Crona looked at Maka, trying to think of an answer. He just sat down to review an incredibly embarrassing and very intruding (albeit mercifully short) fic, featuring himself and the two people his fans liked to interpret as his surrogate parents. And despite that, they both simply brushed off what they had seen as though it was nothing. And while Maka did make sense in that Stein would figure out a solution very quickly, it was still incredible to him.
So, he simply told Maka the truth.
"…I have no idea."
Maka gave a slight smile, wrapping an arm around Crona's shoulders.
"Honestly? I'm as lost as you are right now."
Crona smiled slightly in response, not really having much else to say.
"Hey, are you two coming?"
Maka and Crona looked up to see Marie calling back at them.
"Uh, yeah! Just a sec!" Maka answered.
She pulled away from Crona and ran up the stairs, Crona soon following her.
Crona had quite a bit to think about. The Host could still bring in someone else for more reviews, and it could be anyone Crona knew. He didn't know when this was going to end, or even if it ever would end. It could just keep going forever until the day Crona finally died.
But, for the time being, Crona chose to ignore all of that. Stein and Marie's conversation sounded a lot more interesting anyway.
"You know, this wasn't so bad." Marie remarked. "Sure, it was horribly destructive to our minds and all, but in the end, it could've been worse."
"Yes, I supposed that's true." Stein replied. "It was actually a rather informative experience."
"…what say we never, ever do it again?"
"I would have to agree to that."
/
Epilogue
"So you mean to tell me that not only are we fictional characters, but we are also in an alternate reality ourselves?" Stein asked.
"Y-Yes…" Crona replied.
"…and when did you find this out?"
"Just recently…"
Stein sighed, coming to a stop in front of the door leading to his house. He took one last drag off of his cigarette, before dropping it on the ground, then grinding it with his shoe. He then turned to look at Crona, his hands in his pockets.
"Crona, you really impress me sometimes."
Crona flushed at the compliment. "H-Huh?"
"Not only have you harbored knowledge of this magnitude for so long, but you've managed to keep quiet about it without cracking under the strain. Then again, you have seemed like the type to be good at keeping a secret…"
Crona looked away, not really sure he wanted to be known for that.
"I-I think you're overestimating me a little bit, Professor Stein…"
"Nonsense. This is a lot to think about. The concept of alternate realities alone would take forever to analyze every detail and possibility."
He looked down at his shoe. "Take the cigarette I just put out, for example."
Crona frowned, looking down at Stein's shoe as well.
"In this reality, I put it out with my foot." Stein explained. "But if I chose to just let it burn, that would've resulted in another reality. Or if I took the cigarette inside the house and put it out inside, that would've been another reality. Or if I never smoked the cigarette to begin with, that would've created another one."
Crona looked back up at Stein, slightly confused.
"Each of our choices results in a different path taken, Crona." Stein continued. "So each choice we make results in one reality, while the choice we didn't take results in another. And considering the numerous amount of choices we make in one day alone, there could be trillions of alternate realities out there."
Crona nodded slightly. "The Host did mention something about that on the first day…"
Stein raised an eyebrow. "Did he?"
"Y-Yes…he said that we could explore that concept once the space around the theater had expanded enough…"
Stein gave a slight "hm", rubbing his chin. "A tempting offer. Anyone would be curious about what would've happened if they made a different choice. This Host is more devious than I first thought…"
Crona wasn't entirely sure if Stein was speaking out of respect or contempt for The Host, but chose not to ask.
"And when one considered the various possibilities that could rise from just one major choice alone…"
Stein sighed, turning around and heading inside his house, twisting his screw while doing so.
"Awful lot to think about…awful lot…"
Crona frowned, then gave a small jump when Marie suddenly walked up beside him, giving him a smile.
"Don't worry about him." she said. "He hates philosophy. He'll get tired of this and then get back to picking apart bodies like he always does."
Crona nodded, feeling a mix of both relief and disappointment. If anyone could've figured out some answers for him and Maka, it would've been Stein. But if he decided to not pursue the matter…
Marie walked past Crona, sitting down on the small ledge in front of the front door. She patted the space beside her, and Crona soon walked over and sat beside her.
"You OK?" Marie asked.
Crona nodded slightly. "I-I'll be fine…are you OK?"
Marie smiled. "I'm alright, Crona. But thank you for asking."
Crona smiled back, then soon looked away, hugging his knees to his chest.
The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, Crona feeling a bit nervous. It felt almost like there was something looming over their heads. Some little thing that he felt was going to come crashing down any second.
"…this is probably a bad time to ask you this, Crona…" Marie started.
Crona looked up at her to see her staring at him, head tilted.
"But have you given any thought to that offer I made?"
Crona froze. Because of the events that had taken place, he had completely forgot about what Marie had recently asked him. It had been running through his mind for the past couple of days, but he still didn't have an answer that sounded right.
He looked down, silently hoping that Marie hadn't brought it up.
"…if you still need some more time to think about it-" Marie started.
Crona shook his head. He had an answer. He just wished it was a better one.
"…listen, Professor Marie-"
"Please, Crona…just Marie will do."
Crona flinched slightly. She was making this harder on him and she didn't even realize it.
"M-M-Marie…it's just…it's not that I don't want to…to live with you…"
Marie tilted her head. "Did today have anything to do with this?"
Crona shook his head. "No…"
"…oh, alright. I guess I understand. It'd be kind of weird if your friends were all living by themselves while you were living with a couple of old-timers like us, huh?"
Crona's head shot up, eyes widened in surprise.
"N-No! That's not it at all! Really, it isn't!"
Marie stared at Crona for a few seconds, before an angry frown came over her face.
"…it's because of Medusa, isn't it?"
Crona flinched, quickly looking away from her. He heard her give a sigh, before gently patting the top of his head.
"It's alright, Crona. I understand. You were stuck with her for fifteen years. I imagine you'd want the chance to live on your own, now that she's finally gone."
"…I'm sorry, Marie…"
Marie blinked. "For what?"
"…for making you waste your time with me…"
Crona felt Marie's hand leave his head. He was then surprised to feel it move under his chin, turning his head around so he was facing her again.
He got an even bigger surprise when Marie suddenly pressed her lips against his forehead.
She stayed there for a few seconds, before pulling away and looking at his face. She giggled slightly at the bright blush on his cheeks.
"You're so sweet, Crona. You're so busy worrying about everyone else that you take almost no time to think about yourself."
Crona looked down, face still bright red. "Th-That's something we have in common…M-Marie…"
Marie's smile grew wider, and she soon pulled Crona into a tight hug. Crona returned the gesture, resting his head on Marie's shoulder.
"…Crona, I want you to understand something." Marie whispered. "Even if you want to live on your own…if things ever get bad for you, you'll always have a place here. OK?"
Crona closed his eyes, trying as hard as possible to not start crying.
"O-OK…"
Marie pulled away, looking at Crona and showing him her warm smile. She then got up to her feet, Crona soon following suit. She headed for the door, waving at Crona while doing so.
"See you tomorrow, Crona."
Crona waved back, only stopping when Marie went inside. He stood there for a few seconds, looking at the house.
It would've been so easy to just say "yes" and have a place to live. Some place that wasn't a cramped room in a dungeon of the school. And the house wasn't a bad one. It was a little small, but it had a unique air to it. He would've had his own room, and his own bed, rather than just something the school lent to him. There would've been two people there to greet him every morning when he woke up, and two people to say goodnight to him when he went to sleep.
It would've been so easy. It might've even been nice.
And yet, Crona knew it wasn't right. Not so long as he kept thinking of Medusa every time Marie comforted him…
He still had a lot to work on. He knew that for a fact. He had to grow up some, and he knew he had to do it alone.
No. Crona thought as he turned and started walking away. It's not time yet.
It wouldn't be the right time for a while, he suspected.
But maybe one day, he could truly call this place home.
/
Aaaaaaaalright, another one out of the way!
As always, recommendations and fanmail are encouraged and appreciated!
See you in a few!