Silence...
Floating...
Darkness...
Calm. Peace had finally overcome his weary mind, leaving his body numb and floating on nothingness. No emotion, only blissful unawareness and the faint hope that it would never end.
However, the realization of having hope made him see that awareness was in fact coming back to him, his body feeling grounded once more as a faint beeping started to ring in his audio, darkness becoming a faint light that grew brighter.
The light became a bright orange that was not familiar to him, the blurry image becoming clear after a moment as it turned out to be a ceiling. And dread sank deep into his spark, spreading like a plague that froze his spark.
He was alive... aware, able to feel fear and dread once more. No... how could this be? Why? Was his brief moment of peace no more than a dream?
Beginning to shift his tired, pained body to sit up, he found that it was no dream, giving a weak gasp as pain erupted through his form and forced him to lay still once more. Quivering, he brightened his optics and stared blankly at the ceiling, knowing this was not the Nemesis... No, he had woken in the dreadful, unwelcoming medbay of the Nemesis enough times to know it by spark.
However, his optics widened faintly when he felt a gentle, caring touch to his hand, trying to turn his helm quickly, but finding that was a very bad idea as pain shot down his neck and through his backstrut.
"Y-you shouldn't be moving, please, lay still..."
Starscream paused at that voice, his optics brightening in surprise and dread as he caught sight of the large white and red streaked frame, seeing the soft facial features that held such worry and care.
The shuttle sat quietly in the chair he had pulled up to the seeker's berth, blue optics dim as he watched the other and waited for him to speak, longing to hear his voice, even if it was only a bitter comment or harsh word. "...Would you like something for the pain?" He asked softly, almost certain he was only asking to coax the seeker into a reply.
The jet only quivered as he now refused to look to the shuttle, a soft, blank expression coming across his features. "Pain... i-is sometimes all that's left to feel, Skyfire..."
He tensed as he heard the unexpected reply, shifting closer to the berth worriedly, "What do you mean..? S-Starscream... what happened to you?" He asked softly, his optics dimming faintly.
He remained expressionless, cursing Primus for doing this to him. How could he tease him with death only to bring him back to this? To his kind, caring Skyfire... whom he was bound to hurt again, despite only wanting his happiness.
Skyfire's optics dimmed when he received no answer, watching his once lover as he seemed so lost and lifeless, where he was once one of the most lively beings he had ever observed. He was charismatic, energetic, always excited over something. It hurt so deeply to see him this way... "Starscream, please... Wh-what happened?"
Scarlet optics dimmed as he sighed, quivering to feel so many emotions warring within him, threatening to pull him apart. Rage, disappointment, dread, sadness... He just wanted peace, after so long of feeling nothing but these four emotions, and yet it still evaded him somehow.
When he received still no answer, he whined softly, taking the seeker's hand into his own larger ones, cradling it gently as though it was a perfect treasure to him. "P-please... Don't ignore me Starscream. I don't know what has hurt you so deeply... B-but I'm begging you to let me help you." He pleaded softly, seeing the pain and sorrow in Starscream's optics, seeing the way he tried to repress it...
The feeling of Skyfire's hands on his own had the seeker trembling, forcing his tears back with a quivering growl as he tried to hide behind his bitter mask of hatred. "Y-you would never understand... "
"I would if you would only give me a chance..." Pleaded the large shuttle desperately, watching as Starscream offlined his optics and tried to look away. Grasping a blue hand firmly in one of his own, he reached to very gently cup that gorgeous, ebony face that used to smile and laugh at him, tilting it to look to him once more. "Don't hide..." He whispered softly as those fiery optics lit once more, blue and red locking together.
Those hands... So gentle and still so loving, as if the events of the war had never taken place. Such a contrast to the brutal blows and rough groping he had endured... Tears finally began to drip slowly down his cheeks, leading more after them as his intakes hitched with the overwhelming emotions. "Skyfire... I-I want to die..."
Those five small words seemed to pierce like daggers of ice into his spark, his optics flaring almost white in shock. "Wh-what..? Starscream, d-don't say that, please, never say that again..." He begged almost breathlessly, feeling as though the very warmth of his spark had been stolen away to leave him hollow with only a deep fear and sorrow.
"I-I want to die... I was s-so happy when I thought I would f-finally be free of the pain..." He sobbed brokenly, gripping Skyfire's hand as he trembled harshly. "I can't take it anymore... Th-the taunting, the insults, the beatings..." Starscream shook his helm softly as he watched Skyfire's horrified optics, his tears slipping into the shuttle's hand like liquid crystal, "It h-hurts too much..."
The Autobot trembled softly as he listened to every sobbed word, seeing, feeling the pain behind each... And he felt tears welling in his own optics to see his love so broken like this, so hurt and eager for death. Rage swelled steadily within him, burning painfully against his spark as it writhed in sorrow. Leaning down, he gently placed his forehead against the seeker's own, cupping his dark cheeks in his hands so incredibly gently, as if afraid he would shatter within his hold. "I-I'm so sorry Starscream... I wish I could have endured the pain for you..." He whispered as tears slipped from his cheeks softly to drip to Starscream's own.
Starscream gazed sadly back, shaking his helm as he reached out painfully and weakly to cup Skyfire's cheeks just as gently, "S-stop it... S-stop caring for me like this Skyfire... I'll only hurt y-you again, you know I will..."
"I can't do that." Said the larger mech softly, stroking Starscream's cheeks lovingly as his blue optics dimmed, "I will never stop caring for you... No matter how much you hurt me..." Skyfire whispered as his thumb drifted slowly to the seeker's perfect, pouty lips, stroking lovingly and almost timidly over their warm softness. He could feel the seeker trembling beneath his touch, the way he used to...
The feel of Skyfire's touch was so familiar and yet so foreign. So wonderful, and yet so horrible. It pained him to feel the mechs pure love and adoration for him, see it in his optics. What they could have had for so many years had that one mission not gone wrong...
Suddenly a door opened behind them, showing the red and white form of the Autobot medic, Ratchet. And looking up from the datapad he held, he paused to see Skyfire looking at him with tears in his optics. Frowning, he hurried forward with obvious worry on his features. "What happened, did the equipment fail?" He asked hurriedly, fearing he had lost the seeker...
Optics flickering in a blink, Skyfire shook his helm and quickly wiped the tears away, giving a sad smile to the medic as Ratchet checked over the spark monitor. "N-no, he's alright... I'm just... happy to see him awake..." He said softly as he turned his gaze back to his lover, seeing Starscream's optics were dimmed offline once more, tears still falling slowly down his cheeks...
Once Ratchet was satisfied that the monitors weren't going to give out, he sighed and moved back to the medical berth to check the seeker over. "Slagging near gave me a spark attack..." He grumped as he shooed the shuttle away, getting a squeak and confused expression from the large mech. "Go on, get out of here. I need to make sure everything is healing correctly, and I don't need you in the way." He huffed as he turned back to Starscream, seeing his optics were dimly lit now as he was watching Skyfire. A broken, sorrowful gaze that he had seen before in the optics of fellow Autobots who had been prisoners of war. Many of them committed suicide not long after being rescued... "Go talk to Prime, Skyfire..." He said as he looked back to the shuttle, his expression softening somewhat.
Pausing at the door, he looked back to Ratchet in confusion. "Why?" He asked softly as he cocked his helm lightly.
Though Ratchet only looked away and gently went to work on the broken form before him. "You know why..." Was his simple answer, his optics dim as he checked soldered wounds and panels that had been replaced, making sure the seeker's body was not rejecting the parts.
Skyfire drooped softly as he knew what the medic meant for him to speak of, glancing to the lithe form on the berth... Before nodding silently and turning for the door once more, his spark chamber feeling hollow and cold as his life force pulsed in throbbing beats of sadness. To learn what his love had been enduring was enough to break Skyfire, the guilt of never helping him weighing down on him so heavily he thought it might crush him... He had a chance to stop the abuse, to take Starscream away, but instead he left him there and joined the Autobots. He could have helped him... He should have known the pain he was suffering! It was his fault that Starscream was driven to do what he did...
Pulling in a quivering breath of air, Skyfire felt tears burning his optics once more as he walked the halls as quietly as he could, seeking the Prime's office as he knew he would be there.
He only hoped he would have the strength to explain such a thing to the kind mech...