It is really, truly sad that it takes us this long to update a story. Pathetic really. Anyways, it is up now, and that is all that matters! We also finally got "Word" on our new lap top, so that is good. We also ask that you ignore the fact that only half of the "I"'s are capitalized. Laziness on our part. Hope you enjoy after such a long wait!
I opened the large oak door and let the very wet and cold blonde boy next to me go in first. "You go on up, I'm gonna talk to my Dad for a second." I said before going my own way towards my father's office. I knocked on the door, which was slightly ajar, before opening it to find not only my father, but my mom, my brother and Zexion.
"Aw, sweetheart, you are wet!" My mom said before grabbing me into a big hug and rubbing her small, soft hands through my hair.
"Mom...it's raining" I said, pulling away. I looked around the room to see the solemn expressions n every bodies faces. "What are you all doing in here?"
"Vincent was just...briefing us on the current situation." Zexion said in his usual, self-assured voice. "Me and Demyx will be sleeping in one of the quest rooms tonight...If Roxas would rather sleep in the room with you." I nodded my head slowly before continuing to walk further into the room. I approached my father's desk.
"You were...so right. There is something wrong with Roxas and weather he wants to tell me or not is up to him, but it will always be my job to keep him safe."
"I'm glad that you see it the way that i do...But if you don't mind me asking, where is he now?" I looked around the room.
"Upstairs...I should probably go find him and go to bed...it is pretty late." I moved away from everyone else and gently shut the door behind me, trying not to make too many loud noises in case Roxas was already asleep. As i climbed the stairs there was a strange pull at my heart, a pull that I never felt. Was this a longing for something? Or rather...someone? I opened the door and saw the small blonde boy standing in front of the window, still wearing the same wet clothes as before. He looked my way when i shut the door and smiled his usual, small yet caring smile.
"Hey." he said in a very awkward manner as he crossed the room. "I don't really know if this is asking too much, but can i borrow some clothes?" I laughed at his request and went to open my dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt; even I knew something in my size would look like more of a dress on someone so short. I threw them at him as i turned around and saw them hit him in the face with a soft thud. He pulled them off and took a look at them.
"Dude...Your pants are fucking huge!" He said, holding them out in front of him. I nodded and walked back towards the door.
"Ya...I am PRETTY tall. So I'm just going to go get some blankets while you get dressed...Okay?" I said, grabbing the handle from behind me and opening it backing out and never once letting my eyes leave him until the door was shut. I walked down the hall and grabbed a large pile of blankets from the closet before going back to my room across the hall. I stood in front of the door for a moment before opening it, trying to give Roxas enough time to change. I pushed the door open and suddenly felt the pile of blankets in my arms being shoved into my face.
"Don't you ever knock! I am changing here!" A small voice screamed, presumably my boyfriend... I pushed the blankets away, fighting against a pair of very weak arms.
"I don't see what the big deal is! I've seen you in your bathing suit plenty of times!" I screamed, almost laughing.
"That isn't the prob-" I cut him off mid-sentence when i finally got the blankets free from my face. I slapped them back right away.
"I didn't know you were..."
"Naked...Sure you didn't..." He said sarcastically. I laughed a muffled laugh and sat down on the edge of my bed while Roxas tried to stand discreetly in a corner. I turned so that i was facing the wall and let out another soft laugh.
"You know, you probably change slower than anyone else i know; Even myself." I heard him make a soft huffing sound and continued to shuffle around, doing god knows what. I made a small peak over my shoulder and saw that he too was facing a wall, giving a failed attempt to tie my way too big for him pajama pants. I slowly slid my body off the bed and walked towards him.
When i approached, i slid my arms very delicately around his body, being careful not to scare him too much. I felt his body tense a little bit, but I hugged him into my body a little bit more and he slowly relaxed. He always does that...I said to myself. "Just forget about trying to tie them. They will still be way too big."
"I think you've gotten too big for your pants..."He mumbled under his breath. I smiled and rested my cheek on his shoulder.
"Nope...they are fittin' just fine, thanks for asking though. But really...does something like this make you feel...nervous or something? You always get really stiff and stuff..." I asked gently, still trying not to be scary and make him even more nervous.
"No..." He said in an unsure tone of voice. "Well...i just don't want to hurt my dad's feelings or anything." I cocked my head to the side a little more, pushing down on the blonde's shoulder, as if asking him why. "You know that my Dad is dead...and i don't really think that he would have wanted me to end up with another guy, you know? And Father...He doesn't really like the idea of me being in love with someone that isn't the perfect person." He sounded so sad when he said this so in a sudden act of compassion, which is admittedly rare for me, i pulled away and went to get in my bed.
"Good night..." I left it at that and waited until Roxas had gotten a blanket and laid down on the Futon to turn the lights off. I lay on my bed looking at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come for what felt like eternity. Why was everyone lying to me? And why is Roxas being even more secretive about his feelings? I wasn't sure if i even wanted to know the answer to these questions, but i still sort of needed to.
I am sitting in my room at my desk when i hear my Father calling up the stairs to me. I Walk out of my room and to the top of the large marble staircase in the center of the house as i look down, i see a man with long, white hair standing by the door. I smile bigger than i ever remember smiling in my life and scream. "Daddy! Daddy is home." I run down the stair and into my Dad's open and waiting arms. I hear my two brother's footsteps behind me and look up into my Dad's eyes, which are the same green blue that me, my brothers and Father all have. He smiles at me and moves his head down to kiss my forehead. Just before he makes contact, He turns to dust and i am left standing in an empty room. Everything around me is white and then a door appears in front of me and My Father and Dad come storming through.
"You can't leave now! It is only a week till the twin's birthday, they will be so disappointed!" My father was screaming his angry words in his husband's face.
"I'll be back, i promise..." He screams back. I find myself pushing in front of my Dad and spread my arms out protectively.
"You can't leave! You can't!" I lose my resolve and find myself crying. The tall silver haired man in front of me turns his back and walks back out the door, leaving the blonde man standing dumbfounded. I race after him and grab onto his hand just as he disappears into the darkness, slipping out of my grip and i fall in after him.
I am now laying face flat on the old floor of our foyer. I look up. It is round now, rather than its usual shape. Everything around me is white and my Father sits in a chair by a single black phone on a single white table. I see he is crying and walk up slowly to him and reach out my hand. Then i realize something.
I already know how this nightmare ends.
I pull back, but too late. It is always too late. Suddenly there is a huge serpent wriggling its way out of my Father's face and it throws itself on the floor, moving toward me, as i back into the corner. I run up the staircase and through my bedroom door, closing it behind me.
"Roxas...you have lost...you have lost this game...you will never win at life. You. Will...DIE!" The serpent whispers through the walls.
"He is gone Roxas...your only protection is gone..."
"NO! NO! He isn't gone! Father and Daddy still love each other! I know they do! Daddy would never give up on us. He would never die on purpose. You are lying. "I scream, frustrated.
"But my dear, why would i lie to you? After all, i am your heart..."
"Roxas!" I hear. I know this part. I go mad at this part. "Roxas!" I am still hearing.
My body goes rigid and I sit up straight in bed. I feel a hand on back supporting me as I sit, breathing heavily. Before i know it, I am holding onto the other person and crying, wet, salty tears onto their shirtless body.
"Oh GOD! Axel, it was horrible!" I scream, trying not to bite him as I speak. My body is shivering and my sobs are getting even heavier as the seconds go by. Axel rubbed a large hand up and down my back.
"I know...I know." He says and waits for me to stop crying, keeping his strong arms wrapped around my too small waist like a Father with his daughter. After what seems like an eternity, I pull myself away and tuck my hands into my lap.
"You gonna tell me what it was about?" The red head asks me quietly. I sigh inwardly, not sure if i do. I decide to anyways.
"They...were fighting for a long time before it happened."
"You mean...Before he died, don't you..." I nod.
"When he said he was going to be leaving again, i think it was because they had just gotten in a big fight over something. If i remember correctly, it was about me. All i remember is thinking that my parents couldn't get divorced. They were just too perfect for each other. Then...everything just fell apart."
"In this dream, there is a snake that...He says he is my heart. That i had locked him away and put him inside of my Father to bear the burden for me. That is why he was trying to kill me...For locking him away." My body shakes uncontrollably and i wrap my arms around myself to hold it together. "It just...Wasn't his time..." Axel moves closer to me and picks up my chin with his large hands and my body starts to shake more.
"Promise me something, Okay?" I nod quickly. "Promise me...I don't know why you were at Diamond Ranch, but that doesn't matter. Promise me that while you are with me, and as long as i love you, whatever self-destructive behavior got you there will never be attempted again." I look down at my toes and wiggle them around. "Roxas...You have to promise, Promise or this isn't going to work. I don't appreciate people who want to cut their lives short, especially when they have so much that they have to live for." I look into his face for the first time and see small tear tracks making their way down his cheeks, glittering in the moonlight of his window. "And promise me that you will always cry like this whenever you are sad. Otherwise i won't know you are hurting." I smile and nod my head very slowly.
"I promise."
"Good." He whispers and crashes his soft, smiling lips onto mine. What a bad moment for this, i think to myself but don't say anything, just seize the moment. I feel him pull and away and stand up. I grab onto his wrist and pull him back.
"Roxas...we both need to-"
"You can sleep on the futon with me. Just this once, i promise." In the light of the moon i see him smile and sit back down, setting himself in the crevice between me and the bend on the back where the couch used to fold. He wrapped his long, spindly arms around me and pulled me in. We fall asleep like this, nightmares gone and replaced by dreams.
Demyx walked down the stairs, rubbing his tired blue eyes as they tried to adjust to the morning light. Behind him he pulled an even more tired looking Zexion.
"Do i smell bacon...?" He asked whiningly to his dad, who stood in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. He looked around, perhaps in search of said bacon.
"No, I'm not cooking any bacon..." There was an awkward silence as Demyx looked up to see his father wearing his usual black suit, but over that, a frilly pink apron. He shook his head before sitting down at the counter and pulling a still silent Zexion to sit next to him, only to have formerly mentioned boy soon talk.
"Demyx is right." He said quietly. "I smell bacon too. Are you sure you aren't making bacon?" The slate haired boy pushed himself up slightly to look over to the stove. There was a pan with eggs and a pan with pancakes, but nothing suggests there had ever been bacon cooking that morning. "I guess not..." He said sitting back down. Zexion had a somewhat disappointed look on his face.
"Well that just sucks balls! Can you make some, Dad?"
"No, Demyx, not this morning. You guys have to be at school at 10:45, and it is already 10:15. We just don't have time." There was silence left in the room seeing as no one really wanted to talk at the disappointment that there was going to be no bacon for breakfast. After a few minutes of this awkward silence, there came the sound of feet coming down the staircase. Everyone moved their eyes to the entrance of the kitchen to see a red head with a still sleeping blonde on his back.
"Am i smelling...bacon...?" He asked, sniffing the air as he said this.
"DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP! I ALREADY ASKED!" Demyx screamed, throwing his hands up as he said this and nearly smacking Zexion in the face, who snarled before glaring at the cereal Vincent had placed on the counter to be eaten for so called "breakfast". Axel approached, weighed down by the weight of another's body, and stood by his father. A sudden movement that went undetected by the red head was felt by Roxas and he reawakened with a jolt of realization of his location. He pushed at his boyfriends back until he noticed that aforementioned boy was now able to stand on his own legs.
He set Roxas down gently and cupped his cheek in his hand. "Sleep well?" He asked and a smile on the boy's full lips and a blush were enough of an answer for him. The smaller of the two looked around with something akin to wonder.
"Do i smell-"
"Don't bother. There's no bacon..." Demyx said, answering again for the baconless kitchen. A saddened face swept over him and washed away quickly, as if it was simply never there. After a moment's pause and no one speaking, Vincent seized the silence and spoke with a clap of his hands.
"Okay, so we better get going if we don't wanna be late." This time you could hear the moans of the four teenagers as they climbed the stairs to the twins' bedroom.
Roxas sat in his APES class with a stare of false attention pasted to his face. He felt around his desk, searching for nothing in particular but finally resting his hand on the hand belonging to the person sitting at the counter next to him. The hand grasped his and he was pulled back into reality by the warm feeling it brought to him. The blonde let his eyes wander over and felt the air around him compress to a point where oxygen felt unreachable. A warm smile had settled a smile on the red heads mouth and one wandered onto Roxas' in response.
As if out of nowhere, a foreign hand brought itself to the desk with a loud clapping sort of sound. "Care to share your erotic thoughts with the class Mr. Valentine? Mr. Strife?" The woman, who looked far too much like professor McGonagall, said with a sharp edge to her words. Roxas flushed a light shade of pink while Axel paled even further as they quickly pulled their hands apart.
"Now, Mr. Strife, I am not sure if you heard the telephone ring, but you have been called to the front office to leave for the day. Please...grab your things and leave." Roxas looked at nothing in particular, yet a questioning look spread across his features, overpowering his light blush, before he stood.
He pushed the front door to the office open and walked in, seeing the concerned face of Axel's mother, aka. The school's secretary. He wondered to himself what the face was for and he soon found the reason. The simple existence of a being, located just west of the door. There stood his father, clad in a black sweater and pants, his usual grimace nowhere to be seen and now replaced with a welcoming, lying smile that the blonde only wished he could smack right off his sad little face. The smile looked far too much like his own for it to be healthy.
Said hand grabbed his school books from his grasp and took them in his own hands before ushering them out the door with quick movements.
As they climbed into the car, Roxas felt that something was very wrong in this situation. He could feel his hunger for an escape rising to his throat as his Father buckled him into his seat, speeding out of the traffic circle in front of the school.
The air was even denser than it seemed earlier as an aura of distain radiated from the elder man. Roxas wanted so badly to scream, but his lungs would not let him, simply would not allow for that to happen. Instead he tried desperately to push down his lunch, as he could feel it rising as well.
"I told Vincent to stay the fuck out of this!" Cloud screamed when they stopped for a red light. He kept a composed face even now, which was about when Roxas lost his.
"Told him to! You can't honestly believe that he would do nothing can you!" A need to keep the words spilling from his lips began to slowly take over his more rational side of thinking. "If you think you can get me to shut up about this forever then you are wrong! I won't!"
"Shut the fuck up! You don't know the world of good this is doing for you!"
"World of good! What GOOOOD is this doing for anyone? Certainly not me or Sora! So who? YOU! Do you think that doing this to me will be any sort of way of getting YOUR childhood back? It doesn't work like that!" A silence at the last few words fell lightly throughout the car as the breathing of both males could be felt by a touch of the hand. By now they were already parked at the house. Only a few seconds passed but it felt like an eternity that went by as they sat in a harsh stare. Then, it went off like a bullet.
"FINE!" The blonde's father screamed. "You say that i want you to have my life, then i might as well shove food down your throat like i did to myself, get you all fattened up like i was! Won't take too long, seeing as you are already starting to put a little something on that nearly invisible body of yours? In fact! I would say you are getting a little on the fat side!" These words hit a nerve for Roxas, as his Father had expected they would. The feeling of earlier, the need to vomit, rolled up like a freight train.
"SHUT UP! You don't know how hard i worked to look like this, so don't go running your mouth on what you don't know!" He pulled himself from the car and ran inside, his feet feeling as if there was a weight in the bottom.
The loud footsteps of his father could be heard not too far behind and he picked up his pace, only to be pulled back by his shirt collar and dragged towards the kitchen. With his hand still closer to Roxas' neck than he ever wished for it to be, Cloud grabbed at the fridge door in a rushed manner and pulled something out that looked a little too much like an oversized Twinkie for it to be healthy.
The man shoved his son up onto the wall nearest him and shoved the despicable object at his face. "Eat it! If i can't get you to stay in your place by raw force, i will just have to remind you how much skinny really hurts!" Roxas turned his head from the despicable object as much as he could manage, which wasn't much. The raw fury of his father still clawed at his throat, letting him know that if he didn't give in eventually, and his neck would most likely be snapped into a million pieces.
He gave in, opening his eyes, which he hadn't realized he had closed and turned directly to face him. The small blonde boy took the object from his father's grasp and slid one end of it all too gently into his thin lips, closing them around it and trying hard to swallow as much as he could with one bite without tasting it. As the substance (he was yet to figure out what it was) made its way through his body it was as if he could almost feel it leaving tracks of grime and filth along the track ways behind it. He could feel the calories and the weight it had added to his body in this short amount of time. He wanted it all GONE.
Even as this all too familiar feeling washed over him, he continued to shove the food into his mouth and just when he thought it was gone, he knew it wasn't.
Cloud let Roxas fall to the floor of the kitchen, stepping around him to leave. Just before exiting the kitchen, he turned to face his son. "Maybe next time you will think before you disobey me, or what is more, lie to me." Roxas watched as he left the kitchen, and just as he was out of eye sight, he stood to his own two feet and crossed to the fridge, pulling out whatever he could find. Whatever item he found, it was shoved down his body until he could hold no more. It was like his past had come back to haunt him; his nightmares were coming to life and stealing the happiness he had created.
He found himself walking now to the upstairs bathroom that connected itself off of the upstairs study, closing the door behind him, though finding that it would no longer lock itself. Roxas turned to face thee mirror and was astonished by what he saw. He looked horrible. Red eyed, pale faced, and worst of all: fat.
This wasn't him. He was not an obese creature who would do anything they could to get thinner. That wasn't him...anymore. But the feeling that fought at Roxas' jaws, at his throat was almost overwhelmingly powerful. If was pain, it was torture, it was terrifying; and Roxas couldn't hold back any longer.
The feeling of heaving felt so wrong and yet, so familiar as he let his body become overtaken by his urges. The blonde sat himself upright and looked into the bowl of the toilet; Frowning. He knew that he was hurting himself, that when his brother found out, he would probably cry. He knew too, that Axel would be upset. Not just that, he would be mad; he knew that. And yet, he was not quite as regretful as he should be. But the need to be held was coming up behind him just as fast as the need to purge had come, if not faster. As this feeling came rushing at him, he started crying. He started ripping at his insides and his outsides together, trying to claw his way out.
The blonde boy was vaguely aware of the sound of hurried footsteps making their way towards him. They were Vincent's. The tall man pulled him up into his long coat and soon let him drop from his grasp to leave the room. Roxas heard voices coming from down the hall; voices resembling his father and aforementioned man. He felt a new pair of arms wrapping around him and carrying him until the wind of the outdoors hit his cheek, bringing him back into the world around him.
I looked up to see myself staring at the square jaw of Demyx. I was aware of being held in his arms. Aware of the aching in my entire body and the empty feeling in my heart. I had broken down, only 3 months after coming home. It was weak of me to do such, but i made no move to give signal that i was in any sort of condition to walk on my own, because honestly, i didn't know if i was.
I was placed into the familiar seat of the Valentines' Hummer and looked around to see a number of worried faces watching me. Zexion was one of them, sitting closest to me, and then there was Oerba in the front, and Demyx on the other side of me. I looked them directly in the eyes, but found it too embarrassing to do so at the moment so i turned my glance to the floorboards.
"I'm...sorry you all felt the need to come out here to get me. You really didn't have to." I said in my usual meek voice, fumbling around with my fingers against each other.
"Really, darling, you don't have to apologize about anything." Oerba smoothed over one of the stray pieces of hair on my head only to have it move over to its previous position. She smiled gently at me and i could almost feel its warmth spreading into my body, replacing the empty spot in my heart with her own love.
"I mean it though! You guys have totally gone out of your wa-"
"Shut up." I turned around to the further back seats to see Axel sitting, slumped with his arms crossed. At that moment, I also noticed Vincent getting in the car and starting its engine.
"Axel, i didn't noti-"
"Seriously, shut up...you look like shit..." Axel said, not quite angrily, but it was clear that he was not happy about something. It was in his voice and i was starting to worry that i really did look as shitty as i had previously believed that i did. "Anyways." He said. I looked at him. "Try not to get yourself beat up on your way home next time, kay?" I looked around the car, somewhat confused. What the hell did he just say! Whatever he had said, i now strongly believed that he had absolutely no idea of what had just happened and why i was in the car with him. This didn't bother me in the slightest.
"Um...ya. Promise. Won't happen again."