A Life Without Regret, A Love Without Fear

By: Shironami

Even though I heard my sister running up behind me, yelling my name in a panicked voice, I just stood there stupidly. She grabbed me by the arm and tried to drag me back to the house, but I stayed rooted on the spot; I watched him as he hopped over the side of the ship.

I was transfixed as my older sister dragged me back home, I've never seen anyone so captivating. He was tall and strong looking, with wild, black hair and an air of mystery and danger.

I was dumbfounded when he smiled at me, I suddenly found myself feeling awkward and unfamiliar in my own skin, I pushed a stray lock of strawberry-blond hair behind my ear sheepishly, not knowing what else to do and afraid my hands – suddenly having a mind of their own, as I realized they reamed my new handkerchief into a small unidentifiable mass of pink, frayed fabric without my knowledge – would do something stupid.

I found myself giving him a hesitant smile as I walked (reluctantly) beside Blanche as she continued to pull me a little too hard up the cobblestone pathway. I kept glancing behind me every few steps to see if that strangely attractive man was still watching me.

Looking behind me once again, I saw him give me another smile, this time much larger; showing a row of perfect, straight, white teeth. His eyes were full of light and I found it very hard to look away. It's like I was really seeing for the first time in my life, I felt like I was walking on clouds.

As I turned my head back to Blanche and her ruthless pulling, I saw the most appalling thing I'd ever witnessed: my hand, once again with a mind of its own, was giving the tall, dark man a shy wave.

Horrified, I released the death grip on my handkerchief to free that hand and used it to slap my other down against my side feeling like a total idiot and surly blushing like one as well. Suddenly, after that, I found it very easy to keep my eyes forward. Somewhere, in the back of my mind I could have sworn I heard him laughing, it was a warm, boisterous sound that made my cheeks flair even though I told myself I was hearing things... or at least I hoped I was.

By the time we got back to the house our mother had practically barricaded the door shut, "Rouge! Blanche! Where the hell have you been!?" Mother slammed the door behind us and shoved us into the middle of the room and went over to close the shutters.

"Fancy-Pants over here," she jerked her pretty blond head in my direction, "decided to make eyes at one of the pirates as he got off the ship," Blanche said as she gave me a dirty look.

I made a noise kind of like a strangled cat, "That's a load of crap, Blanche! Don't say stuff like that!"

"In fact, if I'd let her stay there, she'd probably be chopped in half right now!" she turned to me, "you should say 'thank you'," she gave me another spiteful look, tossing her long, blond curls at me.

My mother turned on me like a wildcat about to pounce on its newly found supper, "You were what!?"

She looked like she had half a mind to slap me, "Why would you even think of doing something that stupid!? You do know who those pirates are, don't you!?"

I was about to answer her absurd queries when she suddenly rounded on Blanche, "And you! Don't ever say things like that again! It's not even something to joke about! Your father, uncle and the boys are still out at sea and that means we are much more likely to get targeted! The Gods only know what those pirates have in mind. Hopefully, they'll leave as soon as possible and leave us all alone!" She huffed, she paused for a second to catch her breath, "We'll all just stay here together until Father and your husbands get home."

My sisters and I just stood there not knowing what to say, my 13 year old sister, Fleur took my hand, "I wish Papa were here."

I sighed, squeezing my little sisters hand tight, "Me too," I whispered back.

As much as I tried, my poor infatuated mind kept drifting back to the man with the loud, happy laugh and dark, dancing eyes, so different from my own emerald orbs that always seemed empty when I looked in the mirror. It seemed the more I tried not to think about him, the more my not so lucid mind floated to his dark, wild locks and tall, dangerous appeal. I found myself – more than once – wondering what those dark strands felt like and wanting to hear that heartfelt laugh one more time (not that he'd laughed at me at all, I kept telling myself, in denial at my total loss of dignity).

We decided to try to keep as quiet as possible until we knew what was going on. Mother had made a simple soup and toasted some day-old loaf of bread in the oven. It was hard to hush the children as they ran around playing, not understanding why they had to play quietly.

I was setting the table with my 25 year old sister, Marie; dodging her 3 year old who was dancing around the table humming to herself.

She didn't say anything, so neither did I. Marie was the quiet one, it was always hard for others to tell what she was thinking. But Marie and I always had a special connection, we could always tell what the other was thinking or feeling, the age difference between us didn't seem to matter at all.

Right now, Marie was scared and unsure of what to do. She hated not knowing what was going on around her and was a tad over sensitive. Whenever our parents had even the smallest of fights, she'd be the first to know they were upset with each other and was the one that worried about it the most.

As I set the table in silence my mind started working against my will again, wondering what that man's name was, if he had a family somewhere, or if he was one of those sailors that took a woman at every port he stopped at, I kept seeing his face every time I closed my eyes. It wasn't long before I realized Marie was talking to me.

She sighed heavily, looking at me with empathy mixed with a bit of uncertainty, "You really were flirting with that pirate, weren't you?" she asked in a hushed voice as to not be overheard.

"I dance, I dance!" Celeste began to sing as she twirled around her mother, "Mama! Dance wif me!" she giggled as she swung her mother's skirt to and fro. Marie gently pushed the little girl away, "Darling, why don't you ask your sister to play with you, hum?" She patted her on the head as the child scampered off to parts unknown – more than likely Blanche's old room that had been converted to a playroom once grandchildren started appearing.

I rolled my eyes, "You know me better than that," I responded in the same whispered voice, "There was a guy and he smiled, that's it..." she gave me a dubious look, "honestly!"

She frowned at me, "You've got it bad..." she sighed while shaking her head at me, "you know how many times you've zoned out in the last few minutes?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about!" I hissed scandalized.

She laughed a little, "I remember what it was like when I met Raul, I was all fluttery and giddy," she smiled at me, a distant look in her eyes.

I smiled back, but I was in no way confessing feeling fluttery let alone giddy. 'Besides,' I told myself, 'I don't even know anything about him, not even his name.'

Marie sighed again, snapping me out of my inner monologue,, "Not so much anymore..." she grinned at me, "enjoy the flutters while they're still there. You'll miss them when they're gone; it's not so romantic when noises you didn't think possible seem to manifest themselves from orifices you can't even see," she gave me a devilish smile she hadn't shared with me since before I even knew what she really meant whenever she flashed it at me.

"Marie!" I whispered, shocked that my prim sister would say such things. Blanche, sure... but Marie!? What had gotten into her?

In spite of myself I blushed at her words, "Honestly, if Mother heard you saying these things..." I trailed off, pushing my hair out of my face as I set down another glass, trying very hard not to imagine the images attempting to invade my mind.

Marie laughed, "She'd agree! You have no idea... well, at least not yet," she flashed me that smile again.

I gave her a look as my eyebrow rose, "I'm really starting to wonder about you."

"Hi!," a small, blond head popped up between us from under the table, "can I help?"

We stopped and looked at the 5-year-old, helping was not something he normally volunteered to do. I smiled, knowing he was up to something and patted his curly, dark blond head.

"Have you been listening to us from under the table this whole time?" Marie asked gently, "Nolan, did your mom send you to spy?"

Nolan giggled behind his small, pudgy hand, "Maaay-be...," he gave both of us the most innocent smile he could muster.

I sighed, "Go back and tell Blanche to do her own spying," I pointed toward the kitchen, where I was sure Blanche was there helping Mother cook, or more likely, just gossiping.

I was afraid to hear what she was telling Mama. Out of my three sisters, the eldest – Blanche – was the last one I wanted around when I did something a little less than smart. And even I have to admit, that whole thing with that pirate was not my most shining moment.

We'd always gotten along alright, but she was such a busybody. Sometimes I just want to tell her to mind her own business.

Marie shooed Nolan off, telling him to go play with his cousins.

He gave us a cute, melodious giggle, grabbed some grapes that were sitting in a bowl in the middle of the table and sauntered off, yelling, "Ma! They caught me! And they want you to do your own spying!"

We could hear Blanche trying to hush her son.

I looked at Marie and we both started laughing, "That kid's a riot," I laughed, "he's definitely his mother's son. Luckily, his father's genes dilute Blanche's a little, if not, I'm sure that kid could take over the world. Between his innocent, cute demeanor and that cunning, conniving mind he got from Blanche it wouldn't even take him a lot of effort."

Marie laughed, "It's sad isn't it... we just have to steer him in the right direction."

"I don't know, I wouldn't mind being the aunt of the Emperor of the World," I giggled as I put the last plate on the table.

"Here, move that bowl so I can put this down right there," Mama said, giving me a slight start, she was carrying a huge pot of steaming soup that smelled delicious. Blanche came in behind her with the loaf of bread and a pitcher of milk for the kids. Odette, Blanche's 7-year-old daughter, followed her mother carrying a salad bowl and pitcher of ice water.

"Marie, go fetch the children, it's supper time." Mother seemed to be in a slightly foul mood, I wasn't sure if it was just the pirates who suddenly and unexpectedly docked or if it had something to do with whatever Blanche had told her.

Marie put down the last napkin and left in a hurry; apparently, she caught on to Mother's dour mood as well.

After Marie had gotten the other 3 children rounded up, we all sat around the table in silence, the adults afraid to say anything that might set their mother off and their children feeling the vibe, stayed quiet and ate silently, fearing any wrath that might blow their way.

After a surprisingly uneventful dinner, Marie and Blanche got their kids ready for bed.

Night was falling and I was washing the dishes as Mama went around and turned off lights that had become unnecessary as the kids were now in bed.

Mama walked toward me, putting a potholder on the hook over the stove, "I think we need to talk," she stated.

I heaved a huge sigh, "Look, whatever Blanche told you is way off. That pirate just smiled at me, nothing happened."

Her sky blue eyes narrowed, highlighting the fine wrinkles and crow's feet around them, "You be sure to make sure nothing does happen. I don't want you anywhere near those people," she said with finality.

I rolled my eyes, "It's not like I was planning on it or anything."

She sighed at me, looking like she believed me about as far as she could throw me. I expected her to say more, but she just turned and left, tossing a 'good night' over her shoulder.

I stood there at the sink, tears welling up in my eyes, for what reason, even as I lay in my bed sometime later, I was still unsure.

…...