A Life Without Regret, A Love Without Fear

Chapter 3

By: Shironami

We spent the next few days inside waiting for my father and brothers-in-law to come back from their weekly deep sea excursion.

When they finally did come home, the pirates were still around – or so we heard. Mother hadn't let us step outside once since they landed. They didn't seem to be causing much trouble though. Most were only interested in the pub and getting supplies. Donnie, my best friend and only window to the outside world, sent his hawk with letters tied to its foot to give me daily updates, I'd send it back with notes of my own; early on he wrote that they went back to the ship at night. This didn't surprise me since our little island wasn't a tourist location and there wasn't anywhere to stay short-term.

After Father came home Mama loosened the noose – a little. We could go in the yard and walk around our property, but we weren't allowed to venture past our weathered fence without an escort of the male persuasion, much to Fleur's and my own dismay.

I was dieing to go to the market, had I known all this mess would happen, I'd have gone to go replenish my candy supply early that morning. But alas, I didn't. Like a good girl I did my chores first... now look where I am, it's been almost 6 days since I had some chocolate.

So, not only did I have a raging case of cabin fever, I was suffering from what Marie and I refer to as the ChocoWithdrawls. After the second day, I scoured the house but didn't find any chocolate, not even anything with refined sugar in it. I was going to kill something, I swore to Blanche on the third day. Oh, no... not that that was a threat or anything, I assured her. 'Muhahahahahahaha' my candy deprived mind cackled, I never knew it was so hard not to laugh when you were pretending to be sincere.

I was in the backyard doing some wash, again my mind wondering around in the dark recesses of my heart. Even with the five days between the first and only time I saw that tall, dark haired pirate, he hadn't left my thoughts for more than an instant.

I sighed deeply while hanging up a pale yellow blouse that belonged to my 13-year-old sister. Somewhere deep inside where even I couldn't hear my thoughts, I wondered if he thought of me too.

I hung up a pair of my father's worn out pants trying to make my mind think about something else, "BOO!" hands reached out and assaulted my ribcage, causing me to screech unattractively as I dropped the wet pants onto the ground.

I spun around on the ball of my foot, I struck out at my assailant, "Raul!"

He took a few steps back as I kept hitting him, his laugher growing as my hits landed harder, "What the hell? You think that's funny, Jackass!?" I pushed him backward with a harsh shove.

"Oh, yeah... soooo funny," Raul laughed, "ya know Ro, ya hits like a girl. kinda pathetic."

I frowned at him and picked up the discarded pants and threw them at him.

I smiled with satisfaction as they hit him square in the face with a wet smacking sound.

His laughter died down as he hung the pants up on the line, "So, anythin' interestin' happen this last week?"

I sighed irritatedly as he rubbed the top of my hair, messing it all up, "Nothing really, besides those pirates that is."

"Oh! Yeah, I heard abouts them. The Jolly Roger Pirates aint it?" He smiled, his clear hazel eyes shining as they always did when he knew a secret he thinks I don't know about.

"I guess," I shrugged noncommittally.

He grinned, running a hand though his dark coppery locks, "So, anythin happen between ya and some cabin boy ya wants ta be fessing up to?"

My eyes widened and then narrowed, "I don't know what you're talking about!"

He laughed again, "I thinks ya do!" he teased in an annoying sing-song voice.

"You are lucky you are my sister's husband..." I turned to walk away, my laundry all out to dry.

He smiled, "Yeah right! I'm the big brother ya never had!" He made a kissy face at me, "ya know ya loooooves me!"

I grinned and rolled my eyes, "Don't you mean 'the brother I never wanted'?" I'd given up ages ago trying to correct his grammar. I don't think I was the only one, sometimes I think this isn't his native language.

He slapped his large hand over his heart, gasping, "Ya've done brokes my heart! How could ya say such a thing!? I'm so tellin your sister on ya!"

I stood there with my hand on my hip and the laundry basket on the other. We stood there for a few minutes staring each other down. I narrowed my eyes slightly, as he the corners of his thin lips turned up.

I raised an eyebrow at him and shifted my basket a little. I saw him cracking under the weight, his mouth was suppressing a smile and he was trying to keep his eyes open.

A few moments later he blinked and started laughing, "Ah, crap!" he laughed.

"You lose," I stated simply, I gave him a huge smile, "you never win and you'll never win. Face it... you're a loser." I found myself not in the mood to play this game or even gloat that I'd won.

In the 10 years since he started courting my sister, he never won a staring game against me. And I loved it! As horrible as it was, I gloated shamelessly. But I never feel bad about it, we arm wrestle all the time and I've never won, and he gloats ten times worse than I ever do.

He really is the older brother I've never had, not that I'd ever tell him that. But, he has been around since I was six so I don't really remember him not being there. He and I have always gotten along perfectly, while Zane, who is Blanche's husband, and I don't really have much in common. Not that we fight or anything we just really don't talk to each other and when we do it's more formal and awkward.

Raul slung a heavy arm around my shoulders, "So 'bout ya an' this cabin boy-"

I cut him off, "I don't even know what you are talking about! There's nothing 'going on' so why can't everyone just shut up about it?"

"Chill, Roro....so what's 'is name?" he asked, scratching his scruffy goatee.

I pulled myself out from under his hairy arm, "I don't know his name cause there's nothing going on. I saw him once, and all he did was smile at me. He was probably just trying to be nice or something."

He raised an eyebrow at me and hummed at me, "well, either way Marie says you gots the hots for 'im!"

Of course Marie told him, she tells him almost everything, "I don't have the hots for anyone," I huffed at him.

He hopped a few steps ahead to catch up with me, "Ya know, I've been aroun town, they're everywheres. But they seems nice enough, they're not pillagin and burnin the village ta the ground. I don't think they're the holy terrors of the seas we thinks they are."

I gave him an incredulous look, "They're pirates! They're criminals, wanted by the marines!" I shook my head at him, trying to hide my secret happiness, at least someone didn't think they were all evil, "I'm sure they're ecstatic that you approve of them."

He gave me a warm smile, "Say, I gots some deliveries ta make," he wiggled his eyebrows at me, "wanna come with?"

I glared at him, trying to find his angle, I knew he was up to something.

He saw my suspicion, "We can stop by the market..." he sang at me while wiggling his finger at me, "I know ya's been outta chocolate for some whiles now."

How the hell did he know half the crap he knew? Sometimes I really wondered if his stupidity was just a cover. Maybe there was a genius hiding under all that un-kept hair and horrible grammar.

But I do want candy...badly, "Sure, I guess. Let me go get my bag."

I walked past him and he crossed his arms over his chest and laughed triumphantly. Gods, sometimes I wondered why I put up with him at all. Sadly, I knew I was just as attached to him as Marie was. I think he knew it too.

I dropped the basket in the laundry room and went upstairs to my bedroom.

Shutting the door behind me, I walked to my desk. I picked up my purse from its surface and shuffled some papers around making it look a little neater.

I looked down at myself and decided a change of clothes was probably a great idea. I opened my closet and pulled out a clean dress, it was kinda old, but one of my favorites.

It was sky blue, calf-length with a full skirt, it was gathered in the middle to create pretty folds down the middle of the skirt and over the bodice. It had a corset that was a deep navy blue that laced up the front. I always let the silky strings hang down after I tightened them. I loved the sleeves that were made of a sheer fabric that draped down to my elbows. Last year, Fleur accidentally ripped one of them down the middle when she was pilfering though my clothes, seeing if anything fit her growing 'womanly curves', she came to me crying, knowing this was my favorite dress. I told her it wasn't a big deal and just ripped the other in the same fashion. I sewed the sleeves so they wouldn't fray, over all, I loved the effect, now the sleeves separated over my arms some in the front and some in the back. I thought it made the dress seem a little more mature, as it showed a little more skin.

I played with the ruffles of the under dress that accented my chest, spreading them out to cover a bit more of my breasts, I slipped on a pair of blue flat heeled shoes and grabbed the shawl my mother made me last year, it was early spring and a chill was still in the air, snow still blanketing the far away mountain tops.

I looked at myself in the mirror that hung on my door, I brushed out my curly, strawberry-blond hair and pinned it back with a few clips so it would stay out of my face. I think I looked good enough to go out in public, I wasn't as pretty as Blanche was, but I liked to think I was a pretty as the next girl. The only thing I really hated was the childish freckles that splashed across my cheeks. My mother said they were cute... I was on the brink of womanhood, my father was ready to marry me off, I didn't want to be cute, I wanted to be beautiful.

I shrugged at the person looking back at me in the mirror and went on my way.

I walked into the living room where my mother was mending a pair of pants and Fleur was practicing her knitting, I couldn't tell what she was attempting to make.

My mother caught what I was waring, "I'm going to assume you're not going to gut fish wearing that are you?" The way she said it made it seem like a statement, not a question

"No," I didn't really care to elaborate.

Unfortunately, she wanted me to, "Were do you think you're going? Dressed like that no less?"

I rolled my eyes, "Mother please, I wear this all the time! Hell, even Fleur's worn this."

She narrowed her eyes at me pursing her lips in thought, "Where are you going?"

I heave a giant sigh, "To the market."

"You're not going alone!"

"Ooh! I'll go!" Fleur said, bouncing in her seat.

"Oh hoho, you're not going anywhere!" she pointed at my little sister, who deflated like a balloon slowly loosing air.

She crossed her arms over her chest and dropped back into the chair pouting, knitting discarded and forgotten on the empty seat next to her.

"Go back upstairs, you're not going anywhere!" she pointed back the way I had come from.

"Mother, I'm almost 17 and besides, Raul asked me to help him with his deliveries. It's not like I'm going to be up to no good with my brother am I? AND!" I pointed my index finger in the air, "he's a person of the male persuasion." I rest my case!

"Marie can help him, she is his wife, now get back upstairs."

"She's probably too busy with the kids, besides he asked me," I sighed, "he's waiting for me outside."

My mother gave me a look that could kill, "Fine, but if anything hap-"

"Okay, love ya, bye," I ran out the front door as fast as I could, my flats making little tapping sounds on the hardwood floor as I went.

When I got outside, Raul was sitting on the porch swing, rocking back and forth, humming to himself, a little habit he passed onto Celeste, his youngest child.

"Let's get the hell outta here," I grabbed his arm and dragged him off our property.

"Okay," he said as we walked down the short path that let to the city, looking over a piece of paper, "We gots ta go to the fish market, then ta the Borges restaurant," he readjusted the giant cooler he had slung over his shoulder. I don't know how he carried it around like that, with all the seafood that weighed it down it must have been at least 70 pounds.

It was only a matter of minutes before the dirt road that lead not only to our home, but the beach its self was slowly becoming paved with cobblestones.

We went to the fish market first and sold most of what we had there, the local fish mongers only fished a few miles out, we got a better variety going out much farther, we never had any problem unloading whatever we caught.

We made a little small talk with some familiar faces, chatting about the usual. Sometimes I swore the same day just repeated its self over and over and we called it life.

When Raul was finished talking he nudged me and motioned that we were leaving, I smiled at Juliet and told her goodbye.

We walked to Borges next, it took about 20 minutes. I was just glad to be out and about. I waved to people I knew as I walked along side Raul. We could easily pick out those who called that pirate ship home, they were minding their own business for the most part, but still it was easy to tell them apart from everyone else. They dressed, acted, sounded and even walked differently.

We got to the back entrance of Borges and knocked on the door, the sous-chef let us in with a smile, "So what'd you bring us this time!?" I always thought it was so funny how he got all excited over a bunch of smelly sea creatures.

"Ah! Gots a huge treat for ya taday! We caught..."

I tuned them both out, I was along for the ride, so to speak. Distracted, my eyes went wide at the desert tray that was parked about five feet from where I was standing.

I bit my lip, trying very hard not to notice how delicious that chocolate cake looked. I do believe this is the first time in five days my mind pushed that dark haired man completely out of my mind. All I could see, hear, taste and touch was that beautiful piece of cake beckoning me to it.

"Whoa! Whoa, sis...," Raul grabbed my wrist laughing, "I knows it's been a long times, but still... Ya really wanna go stuffin ya face with that?"

My mind popped back into reality and I noticed I was about to grab that piece of cake, all manners forgotten. I gave a nervous laugh, "Oops, wow.... I'll just be waiting outside now."

I left through back door, hearing them both laughing at me made my cheeks burn in humiliation, I heard my brother saying, "Well, I'd better gets her to the market, she's been needings some chocolates for a whiles now."

Gods, why did he have to say that? It made me sound like some crazy person on drugs! I sighed and waited for them to finish their transaction.

I paced outside, growing impatient. I figured they were chatting inside and had already forgotten about me. I plopped myself down on some old wooden crates and starting kicking my shoe off, seeing how long I could keep it dangling on the tips of my toes before it fell with a soft thump to the ground and I started my little game all over again.

The door finally opened and Raul walked nonchalantly out, a big smile plastered across his face. He showed me the empty inside of his stinking cooler.

"Yeah, I'm so proud, it's empty. Can we go now?" I asked with a sigh.

He laughed, "Sure."

We walked another 20 minutes to get the the market. Raul said he was going to look around and that he'd meet me back at the front doors in 10.

I went to the candy section and started loading my basket with anything and everything that was high in fat, sugar and had no nutritional value what so ever. I was not going to go without again, this was going to be my secret horde. Fleur always got into my candy... I vowed I'd hide it so good she'd still think I was out.

I paid for my candy and asked that it be double bagged, if I ran into Fleur I'd tell her I bought feminine items, not like she could tell either way through the dark brown bag anyway.

I met Raul by the front doors, he had a bag as well, "What'd you get?" I asked trying to sneak a peak.

He shrugged, "I was outta paints, I gots some more."

"Didn't you just buy some?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, Celeste decided she wanted ta plays with em too. She ain't half bad, reallys," he smiled, obviously happy one of his children had a talent with art like he did.

"What'd she make?" I asked.

"She paints the flowers in the garden, really good fors a 3-year-old," he said nodding his head.

"Wait, where are we going," I asked, suddenly noticing that we weren't going back home.

He gave me a huge grin, "The tavern."

I almost turned around to go home, but decided what did I care really? I happily munched on my chocolate bar as I followed him into the bar.

Raul immediately went to the back, no doubt to see Donnie's father who was one of his closest friends.

I walked to the bar, still stuffing my face with as much candy as humanly possible, "Hello," I greeted Sarah, Donnie's mother.

"Hello, dear," Sarah greeted with a smile, "I haven't seen you in a quite a while where have you been?"

I sighed, "Well, you know my mother. I'll let you put two and two together." I rolled my eyes as she put clean glasses behind the counter.

She let out a small burst of laughter she tried to stifle, clearing her throat a little, "Yes, I can imagine," she winked, "how did you break out?"

"Raul, he had to make some deliveries. Thankfully he dragged me with him," I plopped myself down in an empty barstool some ways down as Sarah walked away to help someone.

I dug through the bag trying to find something with nuts and chocolate. I happily bounced in my seat giggling like a manic as I unwrapped another candy bar.

I took the biggest bite I could manage, knowing there was way too much food in my mouth to be polite, but not at all caring.

Raul yelled at me from the back, calling me to help him with something. I ignored him for the first few yells that drifted my way.

I heard Raul walk up behind me, I could tell he was about to say something; probably complain that I hadn't come running at his first bellow.

I turned and started smacking him with my bag of candy, "I don't want to help you!" I yelled with a mouth full of candy.

I continued to smack him, not surprised by the laughter that was erupting from him. He was a sadist or something, he always thought it was funny when I physically abused him.

I suddenly stopped when I noticed that his laugh was all wrong, I looked up in horror when I realized this was not my brother.

"I'm sworry," I said, hand over my mouth hoping not to spew food over this person. I looked at him for the first time, since I thought it was Raul I didn't really pay attention to him.

I turned red as I recognized the man in front of me, it was the pirate from earlier this week. I pulled the bag of candy I'd been assaulting him with close to my body. In absolute shock that he was right here face to face with me. And that I had just beat him senseless with a bag of sugary treats.

I swallowed the mouthful of candy hard, "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else! I-I..." I lost my train of thought as I realized he and I were within an arms length of each other. He was so much larger up close.

He continued to laugh and the sound turned my legs to Jello. I just wanted to shrivel up and disappear, "You dropped this," his grin widened into a full blow smile as he waved my new pink hankie in front of my face.

My mind stopped for a second, "Where did you get that?"

He laughed, "You're not very good at listening are you? I already said: you dropped it."

I gave him a confused look. I shook my head, signaling I still had no idea what he was talking about.

"On the beach? You were with another woman, I think she was blond," he was still smiling and it was making me feel warm and fuzzy. He really was the most attractive person I'd ever seen.

My mind gasped, 'Oh, that... oh, shit, I can't believe he remembered that.' I was about to open my mouth to say something, but quickly closed it, fearing I'd say something so unbelievably stupid he'd think I was retarded or something.

I just gave him a polite smile and reached out to get my hankie back. His eyes squeezed shut happily as a toothy grin spread across his face.

My hand was about to close around my hankie when he pulled it up and out of my reach. He laughed hardily as he waved it above my head. I jumped up to snatch it from him a few times before a voice in my head said 'what the hell are you doing? You look retarded, stop it!'

My eyes widened and for a second I was having an out of body experience, I could see myself hopping up and down trying to get that stupid pink square out of his hand as he continued to tease me.

I stopped before I looked like a complete idiot, "May I have that back, please?" I asked tight lipped.

His eyes open at he looked me up and down for an instant making me feel slightly naked, "Naw, I don't think so."

"What!?" I squeaked, "it's mine!"

"Well, I was going to give it back," he gave me a smile that made my insides feel twisted and tight, "but you decided to be mean and beat me up... I think I'm gonna keep this for my troubles."

"It's mine," I said weakly, "it's new, I just got it," I trailed off pathetically.

"Well, I did find it on the beach... what's that phrase? Finders keepers?" He grinned still waving the pink material over my head.

"Losers weepers!" Raul finished loudly with a bark-ish laugh.

I closed my eyes and willed myself to not choke my giant bastard of a brother-in-law.

Raul walked up behind me laughing, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me, "Ya lose! Hahaha, Loser!"

I gave him a look that said I'd kill him in about 3 seconds if he didn't shut the hell up, he sighed, "Well,

we should gets goin, huh?"

He walked toward the door, waving to Donnie's father as he left.

The black haired man turned to me, "Who's that?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Why do you care?" I didn't mean for so much attitude to slip out.

He let out a boisterous laugh, "Not very many people are brave enough to talk to me like that."

"You must have quite an ego to say something like that," I answered with my hand on my hip, trying to calm my heart beat, I thought for sure he could hear it, it was so loud.

He chose to ignore my statement, "So who's the guy? Husband? Boyfriend?"

Was he fishing for information!? I sighed, hoping my face wasn't as red as it felt. His gaze felt like it was seeing straight into my soul, "Brother-in-law," I answered in a bored voice.

His interest seemed to peak, "Is that so?" I noticed he stuffed my hankie in his pocket.

"Are you going to give me back my handkerchief?"

"Nope, I think I'll keep it!" His smile melted my heart, I'd figure out how to tell mother I'd already lost it.

I gave him another look, letting him know that I was annoyed with him.

He looked a bit sheepish, "How about we make a deal?" I waited for him to continue, "You let me keep this," he pulled it from his pocket and brandished it at me, "and I'll give you mine."

I gave him a disgusted look, "It's never been used! Honestly, I'm not so uncouth as to give you a dirty one," he smiled again.

He handed me his blue, silk handkerchief, chuckling.

I took it reluctantly, glad no one was really around to see this transaction, if so, my mother would hear about it before I even got home and then I'd never hear the end of it. I wouldn't have been surprised if she never let me out of the house ever again.

"RORO! LET'S GO!" my brother yelled from the front doors.

I gave the man a stupid smile and ran out after Raul before he – or I – could say anything more.

We walked home in silence. Something that was hard to get around Raul. I decided this needed to be sorted out before we got home.

"Listen, I know it looks bad, but really nothing's going on. But let's still just keep this between you and me, alright?" I clasped my hands in front of me, begging him, my bag of candy swinging in my hand.

"I don't knows what ya talk about," he said seriously.

Okay, he was kinda dumb, but not this stupid, "Why are you playing dumb?" I asked with my hands perched on my hips.

"I wasn't aware I was playin at stupid," he turned and gave me a devilish grin.

"Oh. My. Gods. You knew he was going to be there and set me up, didn't you!?" I asked in horror.

He laughed so hard he held his middle and almost lost his cooler, "Now, I never wents and said that..."

"But you did!" I pointed an accusing finger at him.

He put his large hands up defensively, "I didn't knows which one he was, I just figured he was there and that ya wants ta see 'im again."

I glared daggers at him, "I hate you." We both knew I really didn't.

"Well, we just gots to keep it 'tween ya an' me, right?" He smiled again, "I thinks he likes you, lots."

"Shut up!" I slapped his arm, thankful that he was on my side, "He's still a pirate."

He shrugged, "So what?" he smiled, "Better than some boring fisherman rights?"

"You're a boring fisherman, remember?" I rolled my eyes, yeah, that stupid facade was totally blown away.

"Yeah, but I choose ta be a boring fisher, it's whats I love, gots my kids and ya sister. I'm happy," he finished simply.

"Yeah," I agreed, thinking that I really didn't care anymore what my family thought. After really meeting that pirate I liked him even more. As embarrassed he'd made me, I'd had fun. Most of all, I knew that he had been thinking of me. I suppressed a giggle.

Raul and I walked home and pretended that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. For the first time in a long time I smiled on the inside as well as the outside.

I hooked my arm through Raul's like I used to when I was a little girl, "Thanks," I whispered, "and if you tell, I will kill you."

He laughed happily as he ruffled up my hair.

/\................................................................/

Whoot! There's chapter 3! hope you like it!

We finally meet Gol D. Roger! More to come! Please review and Tell me what you think!

Ps, I hate writing Raul I want to fix his grammar soooo bad, but it's part of his character, so I've learned to love him.