Knights and Knaves: A Logical Adventure

by The Texas Wyrm

Using a forbidden template, the inhabitants of Gensokyo now find themselves to either be unable to lie, or unable to tell the truth. Follow Remilia Scarlet as she navigates through the logical morass laid down by the Youkai Sage. Thinking required.

5. Remilia Contains a Plague

Touhou Project by Shanghai Team Alice

Knights and knaves accredited to Raymond Smullyan

---

In the sealed, secret world of Gensokyo, a shocking change has overtaken the land and its people. Through the application of a forbidden template, all of the inhabitants have now found themselves either unable to lie, or unable to tell the truth.

All of this was the result of one Yukari Yakumo, the Youkai Sage, reading a certain book of logical exploits by one Raymond Smullyan.

Now, an inhabitant who finds him- or herself unable to lie is called a knight, and an inhabitant who finds him- or herself unable to tell the truth a knave.

Remilia Scarlet, the Scarlet Devil, has awoken this night to find herself unable to lie, and therefore a knight. She has also discovered that her faithful servant Sakuya Izayoi, the Dangerous Illusionist, is a knave, who always lie.

It seems that it is up to Remilia to solve this incident, to return lies and truth to equal distribution amongst Gensokyo's inhabitants.

Yesterday saw Remilia and Sakuya journey to Youkai Mountain to confront Shizuha Aki, who had appropriated a kappa to build the EX-ercise Machine that boosts the power of human, youkai, and gods. Fortunately, Sakuya managed to reverse the machine's boost to Shizuha, returning her from the godlike level of power to her usual easily dominated one. The two wonder what today will bring.

---

Knights and Knaves:

A Logical Adventure of Gensokyo

by Wyrm

Chapter 5:

In Which Remilia Scarlet Contains a Plague

---

Dear Remilia,

A small wrinkle has been introduced into the usual foundation of knights and knaves. Unexpectedly, a strange plague has befallen the bamboo forest, infecting the Eientei rabbits — and so far afflicting only the Eientei rabbits. Within this group, the simple division between knights and knaves has been blurred: if a rabbit becomes sick with this plague, their propensity to lie or tell the truth reverses — sick knights lie and sick knaves tell the truth.

In the rabbits, the plague has no other symptom thus far. However, we cannot be sure that the plague will jump the species barrier to humans or youkai in general, where it might have nastier effects (though it will still reverse one's propensity to tell the truth as in rabbits). Please use proper protections when dealing with the rabbits. Fortunately, the plague has a low communicability even amongst the rabbits. Be warned, however, that the illness has a short incubation period, about six hours, but is non-communicable until symptoms appear.

We suspect Eirin Yagokoro has monkeyed about and produced this plague, perhaps by accident or on purpose. Perhaps its purpose is to reverse the effects of the incident. We cannot be sure at this time. As always, you must determine the type of the major players, such as the King of Insects, the eel-seller, and the werehataku, as well as the immortals and their inner retinue, in addition to finding out what Eirin is up to.

Good Luck.

—Ran Yakumo

---

Remilia crumpled the letter into a tight ball after reading it. She had awakened to find it pinned to her nightdress. Obviously, the Gap Hag had used her gappy powers to secrete it into her room and onto her person without alerting Sakuya or rousting herself.

"M'lady, this is your evening oompah-loompah juice," the Scarlet Devil's Dog said as she placed the bed tray holding a repast of ordinary breakfast on the bed besides her mistress. "Is that our next assignment?" Sakuya asked, seeing the letter.

Remilia glanced down at the breakfast and felt a twinge of disappointment that it was likely no actual oompah-loompahs were harmed in creating it. "Funny you should call it that," she said, ignoring the breakfast for now, "I feel like that marine guy some machine-bound shikigami called Excallibur keeps bouncing about in that game the NEET's always gushing about. I seem to remember it being called 'Decathlon,' or something like that. Slightly ironic, as that's our next destination."

Sakuya pressed a finger to her cheek figuring out what the mistress was talking about. After figuring that out, she quickly worked out how to correct Remilia in her knavish way. "If you mean that 'Marathon' game, the AI's name was anything but 'Durandal,'" she said.

Remilia looked up over the letter, thinking about it herself. "You're probably wrong — it is 'Durandal,'" she agreed to Sakuya's sentiment. "Whatever that blasted thing's name was, I'm feeling we've been reduced to 'gofer.'" Remilia reread the letter. "I think I'm seeing a pattern here, too. These assignments are modeled after the previous incidents," she said.

Sakuya read over Remilia's shoulder. "Very doubtful," she ascertained.

"Fortunately, we know who the major players were in this case already. We'll need to figure out the types of Wriggle Nightbug, Mystia Lorlei, Keine Kamishirasawa, the two head rabbits, Tewi and Reisen, Eirin Yagokoro, and Kaguya Houraisan. And that Mokou girl. That last one was most annoying last time."

Sakuya raised an eyebrow. "She was happy because we were there to assassinate her."

"I get your meaning. We won't be there to kill her again and again like last time. We'll just be there to figure out her type," Remilia said. "And it will be a night visit, so that parasol nonsense won't be a factor like yesterday."

—/—

Remilia kicked open the door to the Scarlet Devil Library. "Yo, Patchy! Anything new today?" said the mistress boisterously.

Patchouli looked up from her book, which happened to be on pet training. "Ah, Remilia. I have discovered nothing new with Gensokyo, unless you count your sister being able to control her destructive power somewhat," said the Great Unmoving Library. She nodded towards Flandre, who was glaring balefully at a fist-sized clay ball held in her hand.

"Really? Flandre, would you care to explain?" Remilia asked her sister.

Flandre released her baleful glare and looked up. "Patchouli sez that I gotta make my destructive power obey my absolute will instead of my desire or just running amok," she said. With her face held proud, she said, "I've been practicing on these balls, trying to keep my power just on the edge of making them go 'kyuun!' I'm up to six minutes!"

"Ah. Of course! It was always about control, wasn't it?" Remilia mused. It had always been a deficiency of Flandre that she did not know how to control her immense and potent power. Now she was learning that control at last. Remilia thought she should have began this long ago. "Is it hard keeping from destroying these balls for six minutes?" she asked.

"Uh huh. My power 'wants' to destroy, so it's hard to control when it's all fired up and ready to go, like in the exercises."

Remilia smiled. "I see. Keep at it, Flandre. Mastery of oneself will free you from the basement. Meanwhile, I and Sakuya will be away on our next mission."

"'Kay! Good luck on your mission!" Flandre chirped, and returned to glaring at the clay ball. It popped three seconds later. "Ah! Shoot!"

—/—

"I must say, your relationship with the little sister has never been worse."

"Even though I know that's a lie, I don't like hearing it in those terms," Remilia replied to her maid's statement in annoyance, "But yes, it has never been better. I ought to thank the mastermind behind this before I pop her one."

Remilia became aware of the smell of frying meat as they neared the Bamboo Forest. As they got closer, Remilia recognized the scent. Lamprey. Grilled lamprey. All basted in a spicy sauce that infused flavor onto the meat. She never really cared for it.

Remilia glanced at Sakuya and found her grinning like an idiot.

"Do you want to have some lamprey, Sakuya?" she asked as Sakuya's face progressively lost its elegance and took on more and more hunger.

"I… I don't want the delicious scrumptiousness of the roasted lamprey basted in sweet barbecue sauce that makes your mouth water and fills your tummy," Sakuya said in full lie mode.

"Sakuya, I know you can't help lying, but would you please at least make it less hyperbolic?" Remilia asked with a sigh, noting the line of drool from the mouth of the hunger-filled look on her servant's face. Nevertheless, she decided to indulge Sakuya and followed the scent herself to the glowing beacon of Mystia's Grilled Lamprey Mobile Restaurant.

41. Lunch at Mystia's Grilled Lamprey Cart

"I swear, you can be as bad as China sometimes," Remilia remarked as the smell of grilled eel lead them to Mystia's Grilled Eel cart. At the grill cooking the meals was of course one Mystia Lorlei, the Wonder of the Night Sparrow and the Eel-Seller Birdie. Sitting on the stools were Mystia's fellow Team 9 member, one Wriggle Nightbug, a Swarm of Bright Bugs. Also there was one Keine Kamishirasawa, the Half Beast of Knowledge and History, who was also the teacher and guardian of the human village.

Sakuya took her place in an empty seat besides Keine and said, "If you were to ask me what dish I would want, I would answer that I want the Big Birdie Special!"

Remilia was at least grateful that all of the early bosses were right here ready to find out what type they were. "Hello. Let's get this over with, shall we?"

The three instantly deduced Remilia's meaning, having had a few days to get used to asking others about their types. Wriggle nodded as she answered, "All of us are knaves."

Keine said in turn, "Exactly one of us is a knight."

Mystia deigned not to speak, but Remilia had all she needed to know.

Solution: If Wriggle is a knight, then there are obviously not all knaves, so her statement is false, which she cannot make as a knight. She is therefore a knave. Then her statement is false: they are not all knaves, so there must be at least one knight amongst them. Suppose Keine is a knave. Then Mystia is a knight, since we know that there's at least one knight amongst them. But this means Keine spoke the truth because there is indeed one and only one knight amongst them, and therefore cannot be a knave; she is a knight. Therefore, Keine's statement is true and she is the only knight, and this leaves Mystia a knave.

—/—

Remilia whipped out her notebook and jotted down a few remarks. "Well, that takes care of most of the people on our list," she said, supremely satisfied. "So, Mystia, how is life as a knave treating you?"

Mystia looked ready to break down completely. "It rules! I like it how how people leave without paying, 'cuz I answer 'no,' to their 'do I have to pay?' I'm completely satisfied with it!" she whined.

"You could always put up a prominent sign saying, 'I'm a knave. So you do have to pay even if I say otherwise,' or somesuch," suggested Keine.

"…I'm literate…" mumbled the night sparrow in misery.

"Really? How do you make your price signs or do arithmetic?" Keine asked, curious.

"I'm bad at doing figures in my head, and someone else writes them," admitted the illiterate sparrow.

Remilia almost thought Mystia spoke against her type, before realizing while her subclaim that someone else writes her signs may be true, she must be good at doing figures in her head, though she couldn't see how that was possible without being able to read, making her entire statement false. She still occasionally had such episodes.

"I'll teach you, Mystia!"

Mystia beamed with a winning smile. "I don't thank you, Ms. Keine!"

Remilia watched the two giggle like schoolgirls together for a few moments before interrupting with a cough. "Ms. Keine, as much as I would like not to interrupt your bonding with your newfound student, I need to find the type of Fujiwara no Mokou," she said.

Keine made a nasty, glaring-type face at the vampire, who felt a tad nervous under her scrutiny. "How do I know you're telling the truth?" she asked, the question sharp as a razor.

"Either I am a knave, or I will deal with her as peacefully as she deals with me."

Remilia could see the gears turning in the werehataku knight's head as she ran through the logic. In brief, Remilia's statement could only be made by a knight, and it implied that she would reciprocate any peaceful dealings with Mokou. Out loud, Keine said, "Okay, I believe you now. Mokou's working along that path today, harvesting bamboo shoots." Keine pointed to a well-beaten path into the forest. "That path leads more indirectly to Eientei as well, for after your business with Mokou."

"I understand," Remilia acknowledged. "I think I've traveled along this path before, just not on the ground."

"She has two companions, fairies, that she picked up as friends," Keine added.

"Then she hasn't been exposing herself to the rabbit youkai?"

"That's what I gather. It's funny, Mokou and her fairy friends use rather circuitous statements; I don't know if they're knights or knaves."

"Hmm…" Remilia mumbled thoughtfully. She didn't have much time to digest it, as a burp and contented mumbling came from Sakuya, which Remilia took as a signal. She glanced to her servant to confirm that she had finished eating. "Sakuya's finished with her dish. Thank you for your time and your meal," Remilia said, then plunked down a few coins to cover her maid's meal.

Wriggle blinked. "You're paying? But Mystia has gotten up her warning sign."

"It's unbecoming a lady such as myself to skip out on paying petty bills like these," Remilia Scarlet announced, charisma oozing from her pores. "Besides, EX-Keine may gore us later if we don't," she added quietly.

"That's false…" Wriggle 'agreed.'

As the two marched off toward the forest, Mystia slapped her palm on the cutting board and glared at Wriggle. "Hey, were you planning to swindle me, Wriggle Nightbug?" the night sparrow asked testily.

"Um, no?" came the firefly youkai's immediate answer.

"YOU KNIGHT!"

—/—

Plague-Ridden Bamboo Forest

"If we could just fly to Eientei, we would. Unfortunately, a lot of the objectives are on the ground, milling about in the forest, like Fujiwara no Mokou," reiterated Remilia as the two walked the well-worn footpath of the forest. Even with footpaths, the forest was treacherous and sought to draw the unweary away from a path and get them lost forever, at least until a native stumbled upon them. "This forest is hard enough to navigate normally. Now that we have liars and plague-carriers to contend with…" Remilia stopped, looking in dismay at the sudden complication they came across. "…and since when did this path have a fork in it?" Remilia asked.

"We were not flying when we went this route before, m'lady," Sakuya 'reminded.'

"Yyyesss… I suppose that that wouldn't be the best way to map a path," Remilia growled. "And speaking of the Phoenix, here she is now digging up bamboo shoots as promised. With her two friends, to boot."

42. Directions from Mokou

One Lilian Jasminelake, the Doom Fairy of the Bamboo, spotted the pair as they approached the junction. "Oooh!" she cooed. "Hey, Mokou, Puri! Look!"

One Fujiwara no Mokou, the Crimson Watchguard, and one Puri Buttergold, the One Under the Doom Fairy, looked up. "You!" said the phoenix-girl with surprise and not a fair amount of anger.

"Relax, Mokou. I'm not here to play," Remilia said, intending to put the fiery personality at ease, "I'm here because I need to get to the Lunarians' hut solve a little plague problem."

"'Hut'?" parroted the silver-haired girl.

"Compared to my peerless Scarlet Devil Mansion, the Eientei is a hut," Remilia clarified. "But enough of that. Ran told me that I need to find out your type. As it so happens, we need a little help in the directions department, so I'm going to kill two birds with the same stone. Or three as the case may be." Remilia crossed her arms, pinning the suddenly nervous Mokou with her Charisma Glare. "First off, which path takes us to the Eientei, left or right?"

"Figure out my type? But…" Mokou trailed off, her voice becoming low. She then mumbled a single word, but Remilia couldn't hear it.

"Never mind. Hey, Doom Fairy! What did she answer?"

Lilian looked a bit miffed at the unflattering nickname. "Grrr… Fine, she said 'left!'"

"That's not true, you liar!" Puri butted in.

Remilia was not having any of that. "Enough! Mokou, of you three, exactly how many are knights?"

Mokou only mumbled again, but it was a single word, probably a counting word. Lilian second-guessed the intent, and answered, "She said 'one.'"

"Is Mokou a knight?" Remilia asked her directly.

"Yes."

Remilia returned to her thoughts for a minute, then announced, "I won't tell Keine, if that's what you're worried about," Remilia said. "Come, Sakuya, to Eientei." Remilia chose a path and started down confidently, with Sakuya following.

Solution: Lilian and Puri contradicted each other, so we know they are of opposite types. We know therefore there is at least one knight and one knave in the group. If Mokou were a knight, her answer to Remilia's second question would be 'two,' because one of the fairies is a knight and the other is a knave. If Mokou is a knave, then there really is only one knight in the group, in which case, Mokou's answer would have been anything other than 'one,' since that would have been a true answer and as a knave she couldn't make it. Therefore, Mokou did not answer 'one,' and Lilian is lying and thus a knave, and since she claims Mokou is a knight, it must be false, so Mokou is a knave.

Since Lilian claimed Mokou answered 'left' regarding the correct path to Eientei, she is lying and Mokou must have answered 'right.' But Mokou is a knave, therefore this would be a lie as well; the correct path must be to the left.

43. The Sick Knight and the Healthy Knave

The duo did not make it far down this path without encountering two youkai rabbits, barefoot and wearing their soft pink dresses. Their ears were flopped over, but heard the two from the Scarlet Devil Mansion anyway as they approached.

Sakuya wasted no time asking them, "What are your types, and are you sick or healthy?"

The first rabbit announced, "I am a sick knight!"

The second rabbit added, "I am a healthy knave!"

Remilia was at first stumped, as both types lie, so it at first seemed there was no way for them to make their claims. However, she soon spotted the error in her reasoning and corrected herself, and thus discovered the types and statuses of the two rabbits.

Solution: If the first rabbit was telling the truth, then she really is a sick knight, but sick knights lie, so her statement must be a lie. The only status/type combos that lie in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost are sick knights and healthy knaves, and she is not a sick knight. Therefore, she is a healthy knave. Similarly, the second rabbit also cannot be telling the truth when she claims to be a healthy knave, so she must be a sick knight by the same token.

44. The Identity of Tewi

Remilia and Sakuya ignored the two rabbits and pressed further into the forest. After about ten minutes, the path opened up into a clearing, with two large stones set quite a distance from each other. Leaning against one with her legs curled up to her chest, arms hugging them was one Tewi Inaba, the White Rabbit of Good Fortune. She was generally looking miserable. Against the other rock sat a rabbit with short, blue hair tied into a ponytail hanging down the side of her face, and blue scarf about her neck, just looking at Tewi.

Remilia said onto Tewi, "Either I know about the plague, or I am a knave. Please make a comment about your health status, Tewi — healthy or sick." Remilia's statement proved she was a knight, and at the same time proved she knew about the plague.

Tewi mumbled indistinctly, as if she would be embarrassed by her answer.

Remilia shifted to the blue-haired rabbit. "What did she say?" she asked.

"She said she was either a sick knight or a healthy knave," said Tewi's companion.

"I never said that!" the black-haired rabbit protested.

"Tewi is a knave," announced Tewi's friend.

"Aoi is sick!" shouted Tewi, pointing at her companion, who was apparently called Aoi.

Remilia chewed her lip a moment before saying, "I know who's a knight and a knave, and who's sick and healthy."

Solution: Suppose Tewi really did claim to be a sick knight or a healthy knave. If Tewi is really a sick knight or she is a healthy knave, she would be telling the truth, but these types tell only lies. Conversely, healthy knights and sick knaves only tell the truth, but Tewi would be neither and so the claim would be a lie. Therefore, Tewi (actually, anyone in the forest) could not claim to be a sick knight or a healthy knave. Therefore, Aoi is lying, and Tewi is telling the truth in contradicting her. Thus, Aoi is lying when she calls Tewi a knave; she's a knight, and a healthy knight at that as she tells the truth. And because Tewi tells the truth, Aoi really is sick, and thus a sick knight because she lies.

45. A Clean Bill of Health

"I know you're a healthy knight, Tewi," said Remilia. "We've been sent by the Great Troll to help solve this plague mess."

Tewi blinked. "You mean Yukari?" At Remilia's nod, Tewi continued, "Okay. I'll lead the way. The path gets a little muddled hereon."

True to her word, Tewi lead the pair through the forest, guiding them through places where the path was less distinct in places, where the unweary would stray off the beaten path. Remilia was grateful for her guidance.

They happened upon a brown-haired rabbit. "Tewi!" the brown-haired rabbit shouted.

"Ah! Hanami!" She briefly turned and introduced her as best as she could from a safe distance. "This is Hanami Inaba, and she's a friend of mine."

"A little distant for a friend, don't you think?" Remilia pointed out.

"There's a plague going around, you know. A little caution is warranted," Tewi pointed out. "I can tell you whether Hanami's a knight or a knave, but I don't know her current health." She turned back to Hanami. "Hanami, are you in good health?"

"I am indeed a healthy knight," Hanami answered.

Tewi smiled, clapping her hands together in happiness. "Ah! Now I know whether or not you're sick!"

It took a second for Remilia to figure it out, but she realized the type and health status of Hanami as well.

Solution: The only kind of rabbit who would be able to make the statement Hanami made are healthy knights, healthy knaves, and sick knights. For a healthy knight would tell the truth, and sick knights and healthy knaves would lie, but sick knaves cannot lie and say they are healthy knights. Tewi initially knew Hanami's type, knight or knave. After Hanami's statement, Tewi knew if she was healthy or not. If Hanami were a knight, then her answer would give her no information: she could be a healthy knight or a sick knight. However, if she were a knave, then she could only be a healthy knave. Since Tewi was able to figure it out, Hanami must be a healthy knave.

—/—

Eientei in Lockdown

"You'd best stay away from any ill rabbits, Hanami. Don't want to lose that good health, after all," Tewi said, closing the distance between the two and holding her hands.

"Oh, I won't!" Hanami lied as she turned and hopped out into the bamboo forest.

After seeing Hanami off, Tewi continued to lead them to the grove within the forest where the Eientei, the House of Eternity, was erected. Standing stalwart in front of the grand mansion was one Reisen Udongein Inaba, the Mad Moon Rabbit. She surveyed the land diligently, surveying with her intense red eyes. She spotted the figures emerging from the brush, and brought her Lunar service pistol up, intending to deal some damage to unauthorized intruders.

"Halt! Who goes there?" came her brusque command, which Tewi totally ignored, spoiling the 'stalwart soldier' mystique she'd been extruding.

"Hey, Reisen! It's me, Tewi," Tewi said back, perfectly calmly and not minding the pea-shooter pointed at her head. "I brought Remilia and Sakuya, from the Scarlet Devil Mansion."

Reisen lowered her pistol. "The Visionary Scarlet Devil Team?" she said, then looked up at Tewi's two companions, and instantly recognized them. "Hmm… From your words, I would say that you're still healthy and may pass, Tewi," she said with a none-too-thrilled look on her face.

"Do you know if Master Eirin was expecting them, Reisen?" Tewi asked.

"Yes."

"Good." She turned away. "Reisen is a knight, and her purpose here is to keep the quarantine around Eientei." The Rabbit of the Earth lead the pair by the ready Reisen. "We have enough sick rabbits in the mansion as is, and we keep them confined to a makeshift quarantine wing. Crude, but effective, as long as everyone keeps protocol."

46. The Aliens Speak

Tewi slid open the rice-paper door and poked her head in. "Master Yagokoro, I've brought the vampire and her human maid," she called within. Remilia heard the occupant's indistinct words to her. "Oh. Yes, I'm still a knight. Thanks for inquiring about my health. Remilia is a knight, too." Tewi turned to Remilia and Sakuya. "The princess and pharmacist will see you now," she said, bowing slightly.

Inside was one Kaguya Houraisan, the Eternal Princess, sitting seiza with her long, beautiful robes arranged elegantly around her. Remilia half-expected track-pants and baggy tee, but she supposed Kaguya was still a princess after all. Besides her, sitting seiza in her red and blue livery, was one Eirin Yagokoro, the Brain of the Moon.

Remilia took her cushion and made a small bow towards the two. "Hello. Let's take care of the pleasantries right now. You already know I'm a knight. Might I enquire into your identities?"

Eirin spoke first, "The princess is a knave."

Kaguya followed, "Eirin is a knave."

Eirin spoke in her turn, "The princess is sick."

Kaguya responded in hers, "Eirin is healthy."

"Well, that just about covers it," Remilia said with a smirk.

Sakuya bowed. "Politeness demands that I greet you incourteously."

"Oh, did I mention Sakuya's a knave?" Remilia added.

Solution: Eirin's statements are either both true or both false, so Kaguya is either a sick knave or a healthy knight. In either case, she tells the truth, so both of Kaguya's statements are true. Eirin is thus a healthy knave, so both of her statements are lies, which makes Kaguya a healthy knight.

—/—

Blaspheme Quarantine

Kaguya took the implied insult with a titter of good humor. "A knave maid, huh?" she asked, still giggling.

"Yeah. Her deliberately teasing lies tend to get annoying."

Sakuya looked a bit embarrassed. "Sincere apologies for my behavior will be offered, m'lady."

"Which is, of course, false, because you cannot offer any sincere apologies even if you wanted to," countered Remilia.

Kaguya giggled again in sympathy before moving on to more important matters. The princess briefly turned to Eirin. "I will be handling the bulk of the explanations for now, Eirin," she informed. Eirin nodded, as she realized informing around her knavish nature would get rather tedious.

Kaguya returned her attention to Remilia and Sakuya. "As you may have heard, we have a wing set up for quarantine. Outside quarantine while inside Eientei, no rabbit should be sick. If we have reason to believe a rabbit is sick, then she is shuffled into the quarantine ward for isolation," began the moon princess in exile, "Patient rabbits, who should be sick, aren't allowed to leave the quarantine wing. They are attended to and monitored by nurses, who should be healthy. Both patients and nurses wear masks and gowns to minimize communicability both ways, though it sometimes makes it confusing which is which."

"I see."

"The wing has two entrances, segregated by type: one for knights' use, the other for knaves' use. Rabbits are notorious for not keeping detailed records, so it becomes quite a pain to make sure they haven't started lying or telling the truth when they went in doing the opposite. Segregation makes things much simpler."

Remilia felt the need to ask a few questions at this point, "How do you make sure a knave doesn't go through the Knight Entrance and vice versa? And how are you sure they aren't infected once they leave?"

"The two orderlies at the entrance ask them about their health status before they can enter, and ask them about their status and type when they leave," answered Kaguya.

"How does that help?" Remilia asked impatiently.

"You're a smart girl, Remilia. You'll figure it out," teased Kaguya with a good-natured smile on her face.

Remilia grumbled irritably for a minute before asking another question, "What happens if one of the nurses takes ill? Or if one of the patients turns out to be well? Or doesn't that happen?"

Kaguya became serious at this. "It shouldn't, but you never know," she cooly informed the vampire. "We call such rabbits irregulars. If if we find an irregular —that is, healthy— patient, then we take steps to have them released. They must be continued to be quarantined for a short time, though, to make sure they aren't carrying any latent infection, but once that expires, we release them. If a nurse takes ill, thus becoming an irregular nurse, then she is removed as a nurse, and she is returned to the wing as a patient."

The alarm bells at the back of Remilia's mind started screaming warnings. "Kaguya, I have this sinking feeling that you're about to ask me to ferret out these 'irregulars.' Is it true?" she asked, anticipating the answer.

Kaguya gave her a mischievous smile. "Your feeling is spot on, Lady Remilia! I was about to ask you, but it seems redundant at this point."

"Damn it."

Kaguya shrugged. "I'm sorry, but Eirin won't allow me to do it myself, and we need this done both for the patients' protection, should they actually be well, and to keep Eirin's samples from being contaminated."

Eirin chose this moment to interrupt. "It will not slow down development for a cure to have contaminated data." she said, and Remilia automatically deciphered the knavese. "Also, the ward administered by Head Nurses Taaru and Hane is not most suspicious. Please investigate that ward in particular."

"I get your meaning, Eirin," observed Remilia. "Very well. We shall do this."

—/—

47. Which Entrance?

"Is this a quarantine wing or a bathhouse?" asked Remilia rhetorically as she stood in front of the so-called Quarantine Wing, which looked more like the front entrance to a Japanese onsen than a place of healing like a hospital.

"It was most wise not to ask which entrance is for knights only and which one is for knaves only," Sakuya pointed out.

"I get it, I get it."

The two noticed a rabbit, presumably a nurse from her mask pulled down under her chin and writing something on a clipboarded chart. Remilia caught her attention, pointed toward one entrance and asked a single question, to which the nurse answered, "Yes."

Remilia nodded toward the place she had been pointing, saying, "Then that's the Knight's Entrance. That's where I must go. Sakuya, you take the Knave's Entrance."

"No, m'lady," Sakuya 'acknowledged' and the two stepped through their respective entrances.

The unidentified nurse had listened to this exchange and noted Remilia and Sakuya had made the not-completely-justified assumption that she was healthy. As it happened, she was healthy, and so she shrugged to herself and continued her duties.

Solution: Remilia asked, "Is this entrance yours?" If the nurse were a healthy knight, then she is to go through the Knight Entrance and she would answer truthfully, so the indicated door is the Knight Entrance. If the nurse were a healthy knave, then she is to go through the Knave Entrance and would answer with a lie, so the indicated door is not the Knave Entrance; it is again the Knight Entrance. As it happened, the nurse was not sick, so she is either a healthy knight or a healthy knave, and we do not have to consider the cases where she is sick.

48. The Wing Guardians

Remilia's feeling that the Quarantine Wing was just a converted bathhouse became greater as they saw the usual trappings of a bathhouse, with a changing room (allegedly for chancing into and out of protective gowns), refreshment dispensers, and the tall cashier's dais where two rabbit orderlies sat, complete with a bored look someone in their position in a bathhouse also usually had.

"Are you sick?" asked the two asked, almost as one, and the bored look never breaking once.

Remilia found herself answering, "No," just as she heard her servant answer, "Yes," to the same question. It appeared to satisfy the orderlies, as the waved them through.

It occurred to Remilia as she proceeded through this checkpoint that the vampire and maid pair didn't ascertain that nurse's health before rushing through. "Hey, are we using the right entrances?" she asked of her orderly.

Remilia's orderly actually cracked open her eye and made the following claim: "I am a knave, and at least one rabbit who has passed here claimed to be sick."

Sakuya's orderly made the complementary claim: "Either I am a knave, or every rabbit who has passed here claimed to be sick."

Remilia and Sakuya asked their gatekeepers almost simultaneously, "Are you a knight?"

"Yes," the two answered together.

Remilia's orderly held out a hand and added, "It'll cost you twenty five yen for the both of ya."

Remilia narrowed her eyes. "That's a lie, and a poor joke," she said, as the two proceeded confidently forwards, unworried now that they had chosen wrongly.

Solution: Both rabbits are healthy. For a sick knight could not truthfully claim to be a knight, and a sick knave could not falsely claim to be a knight. Also, by their own answers, Remilia and Sakuya have proven themselves to be a knight and knave respectively. For a healthy knave cannot truthfully deny being sick and a sick knave cannot falsely deny being sick, and a healthy knight cannot falsely claim to be sick and a sick knight cannot truthfully claim to be sick.

Remilia's orderly cannot be a knight because then her statement is a lie and she is healthy; she cannot lie if she's a knight, and therefore she is a healthy knave and here statement is false. Since she is a knave, then it must not be true that at least one rabbit who passed her claimed to be sick - all of them claimed to be healthy, and therefore knights. Thus, Remilia's entrance was indeed the Knight's Entrance. Also, since her orderly is a knave, it will not cost Remilia 25¥ to pass.

Conversely, Sakuya's orderly cannot be a knave because that would make her statement true and she is healthy; she must be a healthy knight. Therefore, every rabbit who passed her in fact has claimed to be sick, and therefore knaves. Thus, Sakuya's entrance is indeed the Knave's Entrance.

—/—

Unitary Blaspheme Quarantine

Remilia quickly donned a gown and scribed a nametag for herself. As she was successfully able to write 'Remilia,' she surmised that either she was right-handed, or the special writing rules now hanging over Gensokyo didn't affect written fragments. Probably the latter, given that sentence fragments didn't affect utterances either. She shrugged and slipped the mask on before opening the door to the afflicted wing.

Sakuya stepped out of an adjacent door a moment later, bedecked in white gown and a nametag saying 'Sakuya.'

Remilia looked at Sakuya.

Sakuya looked at Remilia.

"What was the point of separating knights and knaves if they just throw them all into the same wing?" asked Remilia.

"I have at least one good idea, m'lady," Sakuya confessed.

"*fu* Crazy lunatics," Remilia said, clucking her tongue.

"That said, overall I have no ideas," added Sakuya.

"In truthful words, no good ideas why the lunatics did this, but at least one idea — hence a bad idea."

"Incorrect."

"I don't want to hear this bad idea, Sakuya."

"Not understood."

—/—

The First Ward

Remilia and Sakuya entered the first ward, which contained about twenty rabbits all mingling about in nearly identical getups. As she feared, Remilia wasn't able to tell who the nurses were and who the patients were. "Crazy lunatics," she reiterated under her breath.

49. A Pair of Rabbits

Soon after entering, they were approached by several rabbits. The rabbits were identically dressed, and there wasn't any visual markers to indicate who was a nurse and who was a patient. Perhaps it was a secret marking that she couldn't sense. And if she couldn't sense it, Sakuya certainly couldn't sense it either.

Remilia noted one had a nametag of 'Kairi,' and asked, "Is Ami a patient?" She nodded to another rabbit with nametag 'Ami' that she noticed a bit before.

"No! Ami is a nurse!" Kairi snapped irritably.

Remilia ignored the rabbit's ire and strode towards Ami. "Is Kairi a nurse or patient?" she asked of the rabbit.

"Kairi is a patient," came her reply.

Remilia drummed her fingers against her upper arm for a few seconds in thought, then asked, "What would you say about Kairi's type?"

"I would say that Kairi is the same type as myself," Ami answered.

Remilia frowned. Remilia had found an irregular.

Solution: Ami's second answer reveals that Ami and Kairi are indeed of the same type: both knights or both knaves. Suppose Ami were a healthy knight or a sick knave. Then she speaks the truth. Therefore, her claim that she would say that she and Kairi were the same type is true, and as such she would say she and Kairi were the same type and it would be the truth. Therefore, she and Kairi are the same type. Suppose instead that Ami were a sick knight or a healthy knave. Then she lies. Therefore, her claim that she would say that she and Kairi were the same type is a lie; she would instead claim that they were not the same type, and that statement would be a lie as well. Therefore, again she and Kairi are the same type.

Suppose Ami and Kairi are both knights. Then if Ami is healthy, then Kairi is indeed a patient. If Kairi is healthy, then she is a healthy patient and thus irregular. If Kairi is sick, then her statement that Ami is a nurse is a lie - Ami is a patient who is healthy, and thus irregular. On the other hand, if Ami is sick, then her statement is a lie and Kairi is actually a nurse. If Kairi is sick, then she is a sick nurse and thus irregular. If Kairi is healthy, then Ami really is a nurse, and she is sick and irregular.

Suppose Ami and Kairi are both knaves. If Ami is healthy, then her claim that Kairi is a patient is false and she is a nurse. If Kairi is a sick nurse, she is irregular and needs to be removed. If Kairi is a healthy nurse, then her claim that Ami is a nurse is false; she is a patient and healthy and thus irregular. On the other hand, if Ami is sick, then her claim that Kairi is a patient is true. If Kairi is a healthy patient, then she is irregular. If Kairi is a sick patient, then her claim that Ami is a nurse is true, which would make Ami a sick nurse and thus irregular.

In all cases, at least one of Ami and Kairi are irregular, though we cannot tell who.

—/—

The Second Ward

Remilia and Sakuya dealt with that first pair and found nothing else of interest in the first ward, so they moved to the second ward next door.

50. Another Pair of Rabbits

As soon as they entered, two rabbits walked up Remilia and Sakuya.

The one with the nametag 'Usachi' declared, "I am a patient!"

"So am I!" declared a rabbit named 'Chiusa.'

"Yep, she's also a patient," agreed Usachi, pointing to Chiusa.

Remilia held up her hand. "Wait. Is either of you really sick?"

Chiusa said, "At least one of us would claim to be sick."

Usachi added, "At most one of us would claim to be sick."

Finally, Chiusa claimed, "I'm the healthy one."

"That's enough. I know one of you is exactly where she should be, but the other is irregular and must be dealt with," Remilia said.

Solution: Usachi's agreement with Chiusa in her second statement tells us that they are either both lying or both telling the truth. Suppose they're both liars. Then by Chiusa's second statement, neither of them would claim to be sick, so they would claim to be healthy. This makes them both knights, as only knights can claim to be healthy. But then Usachi's third statement would imply that both of them would claim to be sick, so they're both knaves. So if they're both lying, then they are both knights and both knaves — a contradiction. So they can't both be lying and consequently must both be telling the truth, and exactly one would claim to be sick and is a knave.

Because Chiusa claims to be the healthy one, she is a knight. Also, her statement is true, so she is a healthy knight, and she really is a patient and is irregular. This makes Usachi a knave, who is telling the truth and is therefore both sick and a patient, so she is regular.

51. Hit and Run Claim

After dealing with Chiusa, another rabbit popped up and shouted, "I am a patient!" She returned to sulking in the corner.

"What the…" Remilia murmured.

Usachi piped up. "Oh, that's Ruri! She's a knight."

Remilia knew immediately that Ruri needed to be dealt with, too.

Solution: Usachi, a sick knave, claims Ruri is a knight, so she really is a knight. If Ruri is healthy, then she's a healthy knight and is therefore telling the truth, which means she's a healthy patient and irregular. If she's sick, then she's a sick knight and therefore lying, which means she's a sick nurse and irregular. Either way, she is irregular and needs to be dealt with.

52. Four Rabbits

Continuing within this Ward, the Scarlet Team came upon four rabbits, Umi, Kumi, Ari and Sari.

Umi said, "Kumi is sick."

Ari added, "Sari is also sick."

Kumi countered, "Umi is a nurse."

Sari finished with, "Ari is also a nurse."

Remilia didn't know what to make of this until she asked Usachi about it.

"Umi and Kumi are the same type, but Ari and Sari are different types!" she said.

Remilia took steps to see one was dealt with.

Solution: In the case of Umi and Kumi, who from Usachi's statement are the same type, suppose first that they are both knights. If Umi is healthy, she is a healthy knight and is telling the truth when she says Kumi is sick. Therefore, being a sick knight, Kumi is lying when she says that Umi is a nurse; Umi must be a healthy patient and thus irregular. If Umi is sick, she is a sick knight and is thus lying when she says Kumi is sick, so Kumi is a healthy knight and is telling the truth when she says that Umi is a nurse. Umi should then be removed on account that she has taken ill.

Suppose both rabbits are knaves. If Umi is healthy, then she is a healthy knave and is lying when she says Kumi is sick, so Kumi is in fact a healthy knave. Kumi is therefore lying when she says Umi is a nurse; Umi is a patient, and thus irregular. If Umi is sick, she is a sick knave and is telling the truth when she says Kumi is sick. Thus, Kumi is another sick knave and is telling the truth when she says Umi is a nurse. Therefore, Umi is a sick nurse and should be removed.

In the case of Ari and Sari, who from Usachi's statement are of different type, suppose that Ari is a knight and Sari is a knave. If Ari is healthy, she is a healthy knight and is telling the truth when she says Sari is sick. Therefore, Sari is a sick knave, and is telling the truth when she says Ari is a nurse. If Ari is sick, she is a sick knight and is therefore lying when she says Sari is sick; Sari is healthy. Therefore, Sari is a healthy knave and is lying when she says Ari is a nurse; Ari is a patient and is sick.

Suppose instead that Ari is a knave and Sari is a knight. If Ari is healthy, then she is a healthy knave and is lying when she says Sari is sick; Sari is healthy. Sari is therefore a healthy knight and is telling the truth when she says Ari is a nurse, so Ari is a healthy nurse. If Ari is sick, then she is a sick knave and is therefore telling the truth when she says Sari is sick. Therefore, Sari is a sick knight and therefore lying when she says Ari is a nurse; Ari is a patient and is sick.

In no case is there grounds for removal of Kumi, Ari, or Sari, but Umi should definitely be removed.

53. Three Rabbits

Remilia and Sakuya were approached by three rabbits with nametags 'Banni,' 'Rabbi' and 'Haari.'

Banni began with the statement, "Rabbi is sick."

Rabbi countered with, "Banni is a nurse."

Banni continued with, "Haari is also sick."

Finally, Haari stated, "Banni is a patient."

"If Banni matches type with either Rabbi or Haari, she matches type with Rabbi," Usachi chimed in again from some ways behind.

Their statements lead Remilia to steps to see that Banni was removed.

Solution: Banni either tells the truth or lies. Therefore, Rabbi and Haari are either both sick or both healthy. Since they make contradictory claims, they cannot both be knights nor both knaves; they must be a knight and a knave, and they are both sick or both healthy. Banni, being also either a knight or a knave, matches type with exactly one of them. Because of Usachi's true statement (remember, she is a sick knave and tells the truth), this last fact implies that Banni matches type with Rabbi.

We learned in the case of Umi and Kumi (problem 52) that if two rabbits are the same type, and rabbit A claimed rabbit B was sick, and rabbit B claimed rabbit A was a nurse, then rabbit A is irregular. Therefore, Banni is irregular and should be removed.

54. The Remainder

After having Banni dealt with, Remilia turned to the remaining two. "What of you, then?" she asked.

Rabbi stated, "Haari is sick, too."

Haari said, "Rabbi is also a patient."

Rabbi replied, "So is Haari."

This time Remilia had Rabbi removed, but knew that Haari was right where she should be.

Solution: We already know Rabbi and Haari are of opposite type from the previous problem. Furthermore, we already know that they are either both sick or both healthy. Suppose Rabbi is a knight and Haari is a knave. If Rabbi is healthy, then so is Haari. But this makes Rabbi a healthy knight who falsely claims that Haari is sick: a contradiction. Therefore, Rabbi cannot be a healthy knight. If Rabbi is sick, she is a sick knight. But then Haari is also sick and so Rabbi is a sick knight who has made a true claim: another contradiction. Therefore, Rabbi cannot be a knight; she is a knave and Haari is a knight.

If Rabbi is healthy, then she is a healthy knave. Furthermore, Haari is also healthy, so she's a healthy knight. Therefore, Haari is telling the truth when she says Rabbi is a patient, which makes her a healthy patient and irregular. If Rabbi is sick, then she is a sick knave. By the same token, Haari is also sick, so she is a sick knight. Therefore, Haari is lying when she says Rabbi is a patient; she must be a nurse, and a sick one at that. She is again irregular and should be removed.

Finally, if Rabbi is a healthy patient, she is a healthy knave, so her statement that Haari is also a patient is a lie — Haari's a nurse, and a healthy one. If Rabbi is a sick nurse, she is a sick knave, so her statement that Haari is a patient is the truth — Haari's a patient, and a sick patient at that. In either case, Haari is regular and no action need be taken concerning her.

—/—

The Ward of Nurse Taaru and Nurse Hane

Like the previous ward, Remilia and Sakuya systematically cleared this ward of sick nurses and healthy patients, with the help of Usachi. At the end, Remilia had to acknowledge her help. "Usachi, you have been extremely helpful. What can you tell me about the ward administered by Nurse Taaru and Nurse Hane?" Remilia asked.

Usachi considered for several seconds. "In the Quarantine Wing, a rabbit is considered odd if she claims to be a patient. Every rabbit in that ward is known to all in the ward to be odd or not, and is claimed by each in the ward as being odd or not. Also, someone in a ward is curious if all knighted patients and knaved nurses in that ward would claim she is odd, and all knighted nurses and all knaved patients in that ward would claim she is not odd." Usachi paused, as she knew she dumped something rather severe onto Remilia.

Remilia scratched her head as she wrapped her head around that. "Go on."

"Every rabbit in that particular ward has a best friend who is of the same type as her. Furthermore, if a rabbit, call her Mi, claims another rabbit in that ward, call her Yuu, was curious, Mi's best friend claims that Yuu is a patient."

"Anything else?"

"I know there is at least one rabbit who is a healthy knight in that particular ward."

Remilia bowed. "Thank you. Again, you have been most helpful."

Minutes later, Remilia was confronting Nurse Taaru.

55. Nurse Taaru and Nurse Hane

"Nurse Taaru, are your nurses healthy?" Remilia began.

Nurse Taaru nodded her head. "All of our nurses are in fact healthy," she asserted calmly.

"What of your patients? Are they all sick?"

Nurse Taaru scratched her chin. "At least one of our patients is sick," she hazarded.

Remilia walked away from the conversation feeling very uneasy. "Sakuya, is it crazy to think claiming only one sick patient is unreasonably modest?" she asked of her servant.

"Yes. Totally bonkers."

Remilia sought out Nurse Hane and interviewed her. "Are all your patients sick?" she began.

Nurse Hane looked offended. "Of course all our patients are sick!" she said hotly, "What kind of ward do you think we're running here?"

"All right. What of your nurses?"

Nurse Hane looked thoughtful for a second. "At least one of them is healthy," she said at last.

Again, an unreasonably modest answer. Remilia also knew she needed to confirm something. "Is Nurse Taaru either a healthy knight or a sick knave?"

"She is indeed one of those two."

Remilia put it together in a flash. Eirin was 'right' in her supposition that there was something wrong with this ward. Remilia realized to her horror that, in this ward, all of the nurses were sick and all of the patients were healthy!

Solution: To start off, there is one rabbit who is a healthy knight in the ward. Let that rabbit be called A and let her best friend be called B, who is a knight. Then, if A claims B is curious, then B claims that B is a patient, that is, B is odd. Since A is a healthy knight, her claim is true, and B really is curious. This gives us a key fact: If B is curious, then B is odd.

B is either odd or she isn't. Suppose B is odd. Then she claims to be a patient. But B is a knight, and the only knights that can claim to be patients are sick nurses or healthy patients. In either case, there is an irregular in the ward. On the other hand, if B is not odd, then she is not curious either, so the condition of all knighted patients and knaved nurses in that ward claiming B is odd and the condition of all knighted nurses and all knaved patients in that ward claiming B is not odd cannot both be true. If some knighted patient P does not claim B is odd, then P claims B is not odd, therefore her claim is true and P is healthy. If some knaved patient Q does not claim B is not odd, then she claims Q is odd, thus her claim is false and Q is healthy. If some knighted nurse N does not claim B is not odd, then she claims B is odd, thus her claim is false and N is sick. If some knaved nurse M does not claim B is odd, then she claims B is not odd, thus her claim is true and M is sick. In any case, there is either a sick nurse or healthy patient —that is, an irregular— in the ward.

Remilia knew this before going into the ward. Nurse Taaru and Nurse Hane are each either telling the truth or lying. They cannot both be telling the truth, because we have already proved that at least one nurse is sick or at least one patient is healthy, contrary to their respective claims that all of the nurses are healthy and all the patients are sick. If Nurse Taaru is lying, then it is wrong that Nurse Taaru is either a healthy knight or a sick knave, so Nurse Hane is also lying, and vice versa. This means they are both lying. And if they are both lying, then it is untrue that at least one of their patients is sick and it is untrue that at least one of their nurses is healthy. Therefore, all of the patients are healthy, and all of the nurses are sick!

—/—

Breech in Quarantine

Remilia's discovery of the secret of the ward of Nurse Taaru and Nurse Hane caused quite the stir in the Eientei. It was, after all, a serious error in assignment. Not only had all the nurses been exposed enough to be sick, but none of the patients had the sickness they had been isolated for. Rabbits scrambled to move all the (healthy) patients to the release isolation rooms and remove all the (sick) nurses from duty and quarantine them. It was a fiasco any way you looked at it.

"Well… this is most convenient," noted Eirin, watching the bedlam.

"I am envious of your ability to use sarcasm, Eirin," remarked Kaguya, quietly agreeing with the sentiment.

"I have similar feelings about Sakuya," Remilia commiserated.

"I would much rather have sarcasm than be able to tell the truth," Sakuya lied.

"As would I," lied Eirin. "How did we get so many missorted rabbits?"

Remilia hypothesized, "Perhaps those rabbits, being so poor at bookkeeping, were so incredibly sloppy at keeping the quarantine intact that a lot of mix-ups occurred."

A few passing rabbits within earshot blushed.

56. Eirin Takes Ill

Kaguya's mind had drifted off to other things, however. Specifically, to Eirin. "Eirin, are you all right."

Indeed, Eirin Yagokoro was looking flushed and was suffering and ill. "Uh…" she groaned and stumbled to the ground.

"Eirin!" Kaguya shouted, almost leaping to Eirin's side and noted her flushed features. Kaguya held her palm to Eirin's forehead. "Eirin, you're running a fever!" she declared in shock.

Eirin made a few mumbling noises, then gathered her strength to make a statement. "After… saying… this… statement…" she struggled to say, "I… I'll know… whether or not… I've become sick."

"What are you talking about, Eirin?" came Kaguya's panicked question.

Remilia had just finished processing the implications of Eirin's statement. "Get away from her, Princess!" warned the vampire, "She has indeed become sick!"

Solution: Eirin's statement —which we shall label S— is, "After saying this statement, I will know whether or not I've become sick." We will first prove that Eirin knows the truth of S as she states it, as per requirement for her as a sick or healthy knave.

We note that S is either true or false. Either Eirin will know her health status after stating S, or she will remain in the dark about her health. Ignoring now the exact contents of S, if Eirin states S and notes it to be false, then as a knave she knows that she is still healthy. On the other hand, if she states S and notes that it is true, then as a knave she knows she has become sick. In either case, Eirin knows whether or not she is sick after making statement S. But this is exactly what S asserts: that Eirin will know after making S whether or not she has taken ill! Therefore, Eirin knows at the time she states it that S is indeed true, and can therefore state either it or its negation at the time she makes her statement.

Since has stated S and not not-S, and S is true, as a knave Eirin cannot still be healthy; she must have become sick!

(The complementary sentence that proves Eirin is not sick is T, "After saying this statement, I will not know whether or not I've become sick." From the previous derivation, we know ahead of time that it is false — Eirin will indeed know whether or not she is sick after stating the sentence.)

—/—

Kaguya obediently retreated far from the stricken Eirin, but she managed to bark, "Get Eirin to an infirmary bed! Get up an individual quarantine around her!" Rabbit nurses, bundled in their gear, rushed in and gathered up the ill Eirin and carried her out of the room. She then went off to parts unknown. Remilia and Sakuya followed the rabbits carrying Eirin.

About ten minutes after Eirin was tucked into one of the infirmary's bed, Kaguya returned bedecked in the same protective gear as the rabbit nurses. She carried a pail of ice water and a stack of towels. After seating herself, she soaked a towel in the ice water and laid it across Eirin's forehead.

"I guess even your NEETery knows some limit, Teruyo," observed Remilia a bit snarkily.

"Shut up! And don't call me 'Teruyo!'" barked the princess. Then, remembering herself, she sighed and said, "We need your help to figure out who broke quarantine."

57. Myxomatotic Rabbits

Kaguya pulled some pages out of a manilla folder. "This is what we found out so far," Kaguya said, handing Remilia a stapled stack of papers. "Four rabbits, whose names have been withheld and designated A, B, C and D, may have exposed Eirin around six hours ago, the incubation time of the disease. Now, at least one of these rabbits was sick and showing symptoms at the time of Eirin's exposure. These are their depositions."

Remilia took the ream and started skimming through it. "Are all these rabbits showing symptoms now?" she asked.

"Yes. That's part of why we were able to tell that one of them broke quarantine around that time."

Remilia tapped her chin in thought for a minute. "That eliminates the dual effect of sickness and health by reversing the roles of knights and knaves," she reasoned aloud.

"I see how that would help." Kaguya sobered up even more. "I would like to know who is responsible for this mess. In particular, I'd like to know if D was one of the ones responsible for breaking quarantine. She's a notoriously sloppy individual and regularly puts others in danger. If she's in any way responsible, I'll lock her up until this epidemic is over."

Remilia nodded, and read through the depositions:

---

Officer Houraisan: A, were knights involved in breaking quarantine?

Rabbit A: At least one knight was involved.

Officer Houraisan: B, are both you and A knights?

Rabbit B: Yes.

Officer Houraisan: A, are you the same type as B or C?

Rabbit A: No.

Officer Houraisan: D, how many knights are there in your group?

Rabbit D: There are no fewer than two knights amongst us.

Officer Houraisan: D, could C have breeched quarantine without your help?

Rabbit D: No.

Officer Houraisan: C, could B have breeched quarantine without your help?

Rabbit C: Yes.

Officer Houraisan: A, are you in any way responsible for the breech of quarantine?

Rabbit A: No.

Officer Houraisan: B, are you in any way responsible for the breech of quarantine?

Rabbit B: Only if I am a knight!

---

"'Officer Houraisan'?" Remilia asked, questioningly.

"I am the highest royalty here. I can give myself any title I wish."

"Feh," tsked Remilia. After studying the deposition in ernest, she came up with a verdict. "You are in luck, lunatic princess. I know two are responsible for breaking quarantine and exposing Eirin, and I'll have you know that rabbit D is indeed very responsible."

Solution: From her first answer, B cannot be a sick knave, because a sick knave could never claim to be a knight, so she must be a sick knight. But B claims that A and B are both sick knights, so if A were also a sick knight, this would give us a truthful sick knight, so A must be a sick knave. If either of B or C were of the same type as A, then A would answer yes to Kaguya's second question to her; since she didn't neither of B or C are knaves. They must be sick knights. (We already knew B was a sick knight.) Finally, D claims there are no fewer than two knights amongst A, B, C and D. There are indeed at least two knights, so D's statement is true. Therefore, she is a sick knave.

A is telling the truth when she says a knight was involved in breaking quarantine, and she was not responsible for it. This means someone other than her is responsible for the breech. Since the only other knights involved are B and C, at least one of them is responsible for the breech. D is telling the truth when she says that C couldn't breech quarantine without her help, and C is lying when she says that B could have breeched quarantine without hers. Therefore, if B breeched quarantine, C was involved, and if C was involved breeching quarantine, D was also involved. Because at least one of B and C are responsible, either possibility ends up with D involved in breeching quarantine.

Since B claims that she is responsible only if she is a knight, her claim is false as a sick knight. However, she is indeed a knight, therefore she is not responsible. Therefore, C and D alone are responsible for the breech.

—/—

The Terror of the Vorpal Bunny

"KIIII-YAAAHHHHHHHH!"

A scream tore through the air, followed by a heavy thump-thumping of a pair of panic-propelled feet thundering through the mansion. Into the room crashed Tewi, who looked absolutely wide-eyed and terrified by… something. The rabbit dived toward Kaguya, latching onto her like a barnacle. "No! Nonono! Keep it away! Keep it away! It… she … *hic* … wants to kill me!"

"Tewi, what's wrong?"

"She came out… transformed… then… then…" She returned to crying into Kaguya's dress. "…came after me!"

Kaguya silently parroted her words, realizing slowly what happened to the unfortunate luck-giving rabbit. "Tewi! Who attacked you!" she demanded.

"A great silver beast… red eyes…" described Tewi haltingly. "Long ears like a rabbit… but… but… she had fangs like a wolf… slobbering for my flesh…" Her eyes were overflowing with her frightened tears, obviously difficult for her to describe the horror she had confronted just minutes ago. Her actual age no longer mattered — right now she was a child who was scared half to death.

"Sounds more like a beast than a person," murmured the Scarlet Devil.

"She said I was a mean-spirited trickster who deserved to be made into rabbit stew!"

Kaguya mused aloud. "Well, there is a grain of truth to that…"

"Waaahhhhh!" Tewi completely broke down into tears.

"That sounds like a lagotheramorph…" Eirin rattled.

"Eirin? You're awake?" asked Eirin obviously.

The sick Brain of the Moon opened her bleary eyes to glare balefully at her. "Who could sleep through that racket?" she asked rhetorically, then took a moment to cough out her throat frog.

"What is a 'lagotheramorph'?" Remilia asked.

"A Vorpal Bunny," Eirin said. For some reason, the picture in Remilia's mind was one of a cute little bunny rabbit with a bloodstained maw ferociously chewing the heads off of armored knights. And nasty, pointy teeth. And for some tangential reason, coconuts were involved. Remilia didn't think it showed on her face, and if Eirin saw anything, she didn't comment on it, but continued, "One of the rabbits is suffering from lagotheramorphism, AKA, Vorpal Bunny Syndrome. I was afraid this might happen eventually, but I was hoping that this settlement's small size and a quick remedy might beat the odds."

She waved off further comment of that. "Never mind. There's no helping it now. I must continue my research or other rabbits will suffer the same fate." Eirin took another moment to cough up her lung. "Remilia, Sakuya, please find the lagotheramorph… like a werewolf, or maybe the werehataku, she will appear as normal until she reveals herself. However, she will be sick in the normal way while in that form." Eirin let out an exhausted breath. "That's all I have for now. Let me rest," she groaned then settled into a restful position.

—/—

Hours of careful investigation later revealed that there were thirty rabbits who might have been the Vorpal Bunny. They were all gathered behind a partition to separate them from a spot where Tewi would identify the culprit. Right now, 'Officer Houraisan' was having a grand old time herding rabbits about.

"The plan is simple! We have Tewi identify the Vorpal Bunny out of small groups of about ten or so rabbits," announced 'Officer Houraisan'. "Then we lock her up and wait for Eirin to create a cure!"

"You call that a plan?" Remilia asked, disbelieving. "That hardly qualifies!"

"If you want to interview every single one to see if they are knights, knaves, healthy or sick, as well as being the Vorpal Bunny, be my guest!" Kaguya said cheerfully, albeit with a touch of annoyance.

"No thanks."

"Good! Show in the first group!"

The first group was ushered into the lineup by Reisen. The door opened, and a jumpy looking Tewi was lead into the room. She took one look at the gathered rabbits and screamed her head off. She was quickly lead out of the room. The rabbits looked at each other quizzically.

"I think we best not use her as a Vorpal Bunny detector," concluded Kaguya.

"Agreed. Her screaming is getting on my nerves," Remilia affirmed.

"At least we narrowed the culprit down to these nine rabbits," pointed out Sakuya. The two knights murmured that it was actually ten rabbits, but with unspoken agreement with what she meant.

58. Two Plus Reisen

Remilia and Kaguya agreed to split up the work: each would interrogate five rabbits. After that, they would combine their chief suspects and interrogate them together.

"Show in Hitomi and Onari, Reisen," said Remilia, sitting down on her side of her room's interrogation table.

Hitomi said, "I am the Vorpal Bunny!"

Onari said, "I am the Vorpal Bunny!"

"Reisen?" prompted the vampire.

"If you include me, exactly one of us rabbits here is a healthy knight or a sick knave," said the lunar rabbit.

Remilia raised an eyebrow. "Can I be sure you haven't contracted the sickness?"

Reisen looked offended. "Come now, you heard me tell the truth that Tewi was healthy a little while ago."

Remilia nodded, accepting her answer. A beat later, she realized that she need not have taken Reisen's health for granted. Whether Reisen was well or ill, Remilia knew the Vorpal Bunny was neither Hitomi and Onari.

Solution: Hitomi and Onari cannot be both telling the truth, so they cannot both be either healthy knights or sick knaves. If one is the Vorpal Bunny, then she is the one who is a healthy knight or a sick knave, and if she's the Vorpal Bunny, she's sick, so she must be a sick knave. If Reisen is healthy, then there are two rabbits in the bunch who are each either a healthy knight or a sick knave, which makes Reisen a liar; if Reisen is sick, then there is only one rabbit in the bunch who is either healthy knight or a sick knave, which means Reisen is telling the truth. Either case results in a contradiction, so neither Hitomi nor Onari is the Vorpal Bunny.

59. Three Rabbits in a Stew

After dealing with the first two rabbits, it was time to tackle the rest of her lot: three rabbits, Arisa, Satako, and Chidori.

Arisa said, "If any of us three is the Vorpal Bunny, it's Chidori!"

Satoko said, "I am not the Vorpal Bunny."

Chidori said, "At least two of us are each either a sick knight or a healthy knave."

Remilia thought a bit, then said, "Obviously, you are not the Vorpal Bunny. You are dismissed." That rabbit bowed and took her leave. It was time for the second round, and the two remaining rabbits spoke in the order that they spoke in last round.

The first stated, pointing towards her fellow, "She is a knave. She is also healthy."

The second pointed towards the first. "She is healthy," she said.

Remilia thought about this a while, but found she had no reason to detain any of them. "I hope Kaguya is having more luck sniffing out the Vorpal Bunny than I am," she grumbled.

Solution: First, we must find out who Remilia dismissed. Suppose Chidori is either a healthy knight or a sick knave. Then it is true that Arisa and Satoko are each either a sick knight or a healthy knave. Thus, Satoko is lying when she says she is not the Vorpal Bunny, and therefore is the Vorpal Bunny. Suppose instead that Chidori is either a sick knight or a healthy knave; then there are at most one of either a sick knight or a healthy knave in the group: Chidori herself. Then Arisa is telling the truth. If we suppose the Vorpal Bunny is indeed in this group, it must be Chidori. In either case, Arisa is not the Vorpal Bunny. This is the rabbit Remilia dismissed.

We've seen above that if Chidori is a heathy knight or a sick knave, then Satoko is a sick knight or a healthy knave, and if Chidori is a sick knight or a healthy knave, then Satoko is a healthy knight or a sick knave. Either the two match in exactly one of their healthiness or their type; if they match both, or don't match in either, they either both lie or both tell the truth, and this is not the case.

In the absence of Arisa in the second round, Satoko spoke next, followed by Chidori. Satako claims separately that Chidori is a knave and Chidori is healthy. If she's truthful, then Chidori really is a healthy knave; if not, then Chidori is a sick knight. Either case means Chidori is a liar and Satoko is actually sick. If Chidori is sick, she's a sick knight, which means Satoko is a sick knave. But sick knaves tell the truth, so Chidori cannot be a sick knight. She must be a healthy knave. Since the two do not match in health, they must match in type: Satoko is a sick knave.

Since Chidori is healthy, she isn't the Vorpal Bunny. And since Satoko tells the truth, she isn't the Vorpal Bunny either by her first statement.

—/—

Kaguya called a break to the interrogations to check on Eirin. Remilia didn't have anything to do, having eliminated all of her group, so she accompanied Kaguya, all the while trying to pick her brain to see how far along she was.

To which Kaguya had answered nothing more substantial than, "I'm making progress."

This was immensely unsatisfying to Remilia, who wanted to know how many rabbits she had eliminated from her pool. The vampire was beginning to think she hadn't made much progress at all, although it was true that she had made some progress.

"Eirin, how are you doing?"

Eirin stirred from her bed. She was still looking a bit flushed and she had acquired a mild bed-head. "Better. Well enough to work, but I still feel crappy." Her voice was raspy and grating, but it sounded much better than a couple of hours ago. "I've thought it over, and I've realized that the Vorpal Bunny will be a knight."

"Why do you say that?" Remilia asked.

"The lagotheramorph stated an almost-truth, but 'almost' —as they say— only counts in horseshoes and kyuun's. As the lagotheramorphism progresses, the effects of her sickness will diminish, but her perceived certainty will increase as slight delusions set in. She'll start talking less like a knight and more like a normal, if honest person." Remilia guessed that something showed up on her face that time, because Eirin addressed her unspoken question, "And before you ask what a 'kyuun' is, let's say your sister Flandre is rather infamous in her own right, Lady Scarlet."

Eirin maneuvered herself stiffly out of bed, despite the princess's objections. "Eirin, you must rest! Your body is fighting off an infection!" she pleaded.

Eirin's reply was stern, even through her raspy voice. "No, I must work. If we have a Vorpal Bunny about, then we need a cure desperately. I can't afford to be lying down now. Eientei can't afford it either." She smiled, despite her obvious infirmity. "Fortunately, I worked almost all of it out while I was sleeping. I should have a treatment for this plague and our lagotheramorph within the hour."

"Thank goodness for that!" the princess sighed in relief.

"Princess, you should worry more about finding the lagotheramorph than on me," the researcher said, letting a bit of impatience creep into her voice.

"Quite so. We're no good to Eirin here," agreed Remilia, "So let's call the break over and I'll help you weed through your remaining rabbits."

"Okay!" chirped Kaguya cheerfully.

—/—

"So, in the end, you were able to eliminate exactly none of them," said Remilia as she looked at the completely undecreased pool of rabbits that the moon princess was (un)able to pare down. Kaguya just laughed bashfully, scratching her head in embarrassment. "Were you at least able to determine if there were any knaves amongst them and how many?"

"It was either two or three," Kaguya answered.

"I suppose that is progress, even if it is only slight," Remilia sighed with annoyance. "And who were they?"

"I don't remember! *teehee*"

"Don't 'tee hee' me!" Remilia growled. "What about sick rabbits?"

"The same range, two or three."

"And who were they?" Remilia asked flatly, expecting a lame answer.

"Again, don't remember!" came Kaguya's wholly expected answer.

Remilia boiled over in frustration. "You're… Sakuya!"

"You're a real help!" Sakuya said, supplying the sarcasm.

"Sorrieee!" drawled the lunatic princess.

"I'll handle them. You… try not to swallow your tongue or something!" Remilia said irritably, shooing her away.

"That's mean!" Kaguya pouted. The vampire brat ignored her. Seeing that she would get no further with Remilia, the moon princess turned to Reisen. "Reisen, go check on Tewi and make sure she's all right." Reisen bowed and left without a word. "How rude! Well, I'll get Eirin to shove a huge suppository up her butt later. Anyway, I'm gonna go back to seeing to Eirin."

"That was much more than I wanted to know about how you keep discipline in this place," mumbled Remilia.

60. The Princess's Set

"All right you five, let's get started," Remilia began, "Make a statement germane to finding the Vorpal Bunny."

"I am not a knave," said Yuki.

"I am a knave," countered Yui.

"Yuki and Nene are both knights," said Mimi.

"If Yui is a knight, then she is the Vorpal Bunny," added Nene.

"I am not a sick knave," concluded Rina.

Remilia pointed to one of them and said, "You obviously aren't the Vorpal Bunny, so you are dismissed."

The dismissed rabbit did not immediately leave but approached Remilia. She whispered into the vampire's ear, "If neither Nene nor Yui is the Vorpal Bunny, then neither is Mimi." Remilia nodded her acknowledgement, and the dismissed rabbit skittered away satisfied.

The rabbits made statements in the same order as last time.

The first rabbit said, "I am sick. Mimi isn't, though."

The second rabbit added, "Nene is sick."

The third said, "There were exactly two knights in this group."

The forth claimed, "I am sick."

Remilia's eyes narrowed in thought as she realized the Vorpal Bunny had escaped her clutches.

Solution: Rina is a healthy knight. For if she were a sick knave, then she would be lying and sick knaves do not lie, and if she were a sick knight or a healthy knave, she would be telling the truth, and both only lie. Since the Vorpal Bunny is a sick knight, Rina cannot be the Vorpal Bunny. This is the one Remilia dismissed.

There is exactly one Vorpal Bunny. So if either Nene or Yui is the Vorpal Bunny, Mimi cannot be. But Rina's statement means that if neither Nene nor Yui is the Vorpal Bunny, then Mimi isn't either. Therefore, Mimi is not the Vorpal Bunny.

The first rabbit in the second round of statements is Yuki, followed by Yui, Mimi and Nene. We already know Yuki is healthy, as she denies being a knave; so it is not the case that she is sick as she claims. Therefore, she is a healthy knave and is lying, thus her claim about Mimi not being sick is also false — she is indeed sick. It also means Mimi is lying when she claimed Yuki and Nene are both knights in the first round of statements. Therefore, Mimi is a sick knight. Because of this, we also know she is lying when she claims there were exactly two knights in the original group (that is, Rina and Mimi); there is a third knight we haven't yet found.

Nene cannot be this knight, because she claims to be sick and is thus a knave. Therefore Yui's the knight, and because she claims she is a knave, she is also sick. Yui is lying claiming that Nene is sick; Nene is healthy, which makes her a healthy knave and her conditional statement is false. Therefore, Yui is not the Vorpal Bunny. Furthermore, because Nene and Yuki are healthy knaves, neither is the Vorpal Bunny. We have excluded all of the possible rabbits who may be the Vorpal Bunny, therefore, the Vorpal Bunny is not in this group either!

—/—

"What the hell!" Remilia exploded, "The Vorpal Bunny isn't in this group either!" Remilia began pacing about the room, ranting her head off. "Yet, it is this batch that Tewi went bonkers over, so she must have seen the rabbit who was the Vorpal Bunny!"

Sakuya was silent as Remilia raved at her inability to discover where the lagotheramorph was. She was thinking. Thinking about the hidden subtlety in the situation and the flaw in Remilia's argument that they must have had the Vorpal Bunny amongst those they interviewed. "That time, Tewi saw no more than ten rabbits in that room," she announced at last.

"Reisen? She can only be the lagotheramorph if she's sick, and I'm quite sure she isn't," Remilia scoffed.

"Are you sure, M'lady?"

"Positive."

Sakuya stared at Remilia as if she was sure her mistress was forgetting something. Finally, the knave said, "Reisen said that time that Tewi was still healthy and may pass."

Remilia almost agreed with the elegant and knavish maid before the realization struck the young vampire, her eyes shooting wide open. "I've been a fool!" she shouted, and took flight towards the rabbit residences.

—/—

Kaguya blinked in surprise. "You mean you didn't tell Reisen you were expecting Remilia and her maid?" she asked.

"No, because I was then a healthy knave…" She paused to clear her throat. "…and I was indeed expecting them!"

"You didn't drop any knave-hints, either?" Kaguya probed.

"No, I never talked about it! There was no way…" Eirin took a moment to cough. "…Reisen could have known I was expecting them." Eirin was silent for a few moments as that worked through her illness-addled brain. "But that means…"

"Oh no! Reisen is sick!" Kaguya declared in realization.

Eirin's face was grim as a more disturbing possibility opened up before her. "Worse than that! Remember that Tewi was terrified when you showed her that group of rabbits? Reisen was amongst them!" she pointed out.

Kaguya put it all together at that moment. "Then… Reisen is…"

—/—

"You escaped me before, Tewi, but you will not do so again."

Tewi cowered in the corner, shaking like a leaf caught in a hurricane. In the doorway was Reisen, her eyes burning a beastly amber instead of its normal red color. Tewi opened her mouth in a silent scream as Reisen began her transformation.

White fur sprouted over Reisen's body, covering her in a silver coat instantly. Her physique grew, straining her uniform with increased musculature and frame. Her head altered, resembling more a rabbit's head, but no rabbit had a heavy jaw full of sharp teeth. Her hands turned into paws sprouting sharp claws.

The entire package promised pain and death. Tewi believed that promise, and whimpered in fear.

"Don't cower, you cur. Take your punishment like a rabbit!" hissed the Reisen-monster, holding up a huge, clawed paw ready.

"STOP!"

A flash of movement smacked into the monstrous Reisen's jaw, knocking her backward.

The creature growled as she found Remilia, Sakuya and Kaguya interposed between herself and her prey. "Stand aside, vampire! I will not be denied!" hissed the beast-rabbit.

"You'll have to go through us first, Reisen Udongein Inaba," sneered the vampire confidently, trash talking as much as her knighthood allowed.

"Then I will!" snarled the half-rabid beast, and bolted for Remilia.

The vampire realized immediately that this creature was not something to be taken lightly. Reisen the Vorpal Bunny was much faster, stronger, and hardier than Reisen Udongein Inaba. Its fangs nearly got a piece of her as she reacted on instinct to the Vorpal Bunny's lunge. All the Vorpal Bunny got was a mouthful of pink cloth.

"M'lady!" Sakuya whipped out a spell card and declared it.

"~Illusion World [ The World ]~"

In Sakuya's Frozen World, innumerable knives appeared around the altered Reisen. "Toki wo ugoki de arimasen! (Time shall not move!)" lied Sakuya, and time started to move in accordance to her flipped command.

With time moving, the world around Sakuya began moving again.

Including the knives.

Including the beast's mouth.

Which smiled.

The knives bolted from where they were frozen and through the rabbit-beast. Passed through as if either they or the beast were illusion, not as if the knives were cutting flesh to clear a paths for themselves.

"It's possible!" gasped Sakuya.

"It certainly is, especially if you are not aiming where you think you're aiming," chuckled the monster before it blurred suddenly. Just as suddenly, Sakuya found herself smacked smartly and wheeling back out of control and into a wall, where consciousness left her.

"Sakuya!" blurted Remilia, then turned her furious gaze at the Vorpal Bunny. "Damn your lunatic eyes, Reisen!" Remilia instantly deciphered what had happened. The monster used Reisen's ability to mesmerize others with her lunacy-inducing eyes to distort Sakuya's senses.

"I can use my illusions to cloak myself, hiding me as easily as the kappa hides within her camouflage," chuckled the Vorpal Bunny evilly as she faded from view. Remilia stood in a wide, ready stance, straining her senses to try to find an imperfection in Reisen's cloaking illusion.

A slight artifact in her illusion revealed the lagotheramorph's position. It wasn't enough to let Remilia dodge, but the vampire blocked the blow, which knocked her back without doing serious harm to her. The knock back gave the Scarlet Devil enough play to deploy her own spell card, and the artifact she spotted allowed her to slice clear through the Truly Mad Moon Rabbit's illusion.

"~Divine Lance [ Spear the Gungir! ]~"

Remilia's aim, unlike Sakuya's, was as true as her statements. Reisen's illusion was broken around her. However, Remilia's strike cost her reflex time — time enough for Reisen to close the gap with her enhanced speed and land a powerful strike to the vampire's neck.

Careening from the impact, Remilia slammed bodily into a sturdy support beam and did not go through rice-paper walls, letting out a grunt at the impact. She slumped as she landed on the floor, the wind knocked out of her.

The lagotheramorph chortled darkly, and turned to find… Kaguya Houraisan interposed between her and Tewi, looking defiant and badass as she pointed her bejeweled Hourai branch at the monster. "Ultimately, it's my responsibility to defend those under me!" she announced loudly and sternly.

They were big words. Unfortunately, the lunatic princess was in no shape to make good on them, coming from a long series of dilettantes. The lagotheramorph was much faster than her, and of course, Reisen had some combat training. Kaguya was easily swatted aside.

"Remilia! Sakuya! Princess!" squealed Tewi, seeing her guards taken out one by one.

"That's done," rumbled the monster, "No one remains to defend you, you roguish rabbit."

"Reisen, if you go through with this, you'll regret it later."

"No, I don't think so," rasped the altered rabbit. "You've had this coming to you for a long time, you fibbing trickster!" The venom in her voice was as vile as the slobber she drooled. "You're an imp who wishes nothing less than to make my life miserable! There's nothing but malice in your heart for me, so don't find it surprising that it's reciprocated!"

"Please don't do this, Reisen! I don't hate you! I never hated you!" pleaded the terrified trickster rabbit, "My pranks are just to get your attention… and you're so fun to pick on, but that's because I like you!"

The Reisen-monster was not fazed by Tewi's words. "You're a dirty, lying little plague rabbit, who's just saying that to save your skin!"

"Reisen, you idiot! I'm a knight!"

The Reisen-monster stopped as Tewi's loud declaration penetrated the red-tinged fog surrounding her brain. Tewi claimed to be a knight, and she really was a knight, and therefore she was healthy and telling only truths. Gensokyo may be a place not bound by common sense, but for the moment, it was bound by logic. That logic froze the creature's brain, as it tried to rationalize the delusion against the logic it knew to be true.

That moment pause was enough.

A frail-looking but very sturdy arm wrapped around the lagotheramorph's neck and slammed her powerfully down. "It is not my fate to be bested by a mere rabbit, even a mutant one!" Remilia Scarlet growled. "Eirin, NOW!"

Suddenly, the monster's eyes went big and round with surprise. The lagotheramorphic Reisen looked behind her in alarm as Eirin stood at her rear, with a demented grin on her face and holding a huge suppository 'in position.' "Get away from her, you doe!" she growled, and rammed the payload home.

Reisen the Vorpal Bunny let out a high-pitched squeal of agony as the suppository entered her body, then fell over limp as both the pain and the medicine took their toll. The transformation process reversed itself, turning the great hairy beast back into the lunar rabbit they all knew.

Kaguya, who had been pale facing the monster, then horrified at the application of an oversized suppository, finally processed all that had happened in the past few seconds. "Eirin? Is that…?" Kaguya trailed off in hopeful anticipation.

Eirin smiled and said, "I am a knight!"

Kaguya threw up her hands in joy. "It is! Eirin, you're wonderful!" she squealed, hugging the Brain of the Moon tightly.

—/—

"Reisen used a particular manner of speech that hid the fact that she had become sick. By saying 'I would say such-and-such,' it implied that the such-and-such was true, although the actual sentence was false," Remilia explained to the princess. "Since the such-and-such was true, she could not, in her condition, say such a statement, which meant that her sentence would be a lie and she could say it in her condition. Once she 'established' herself as a truth-teller, she could freely refer back to that lie to forge her credentials."

The princess giggled. "I see. Very clever of Reisen. Though it disturbs me that she actually wanted Tewi dead."

"I suppose she wasn't in her right mind. Now that that business is concluded, time for us to leave," declared Remilia as she stepped off the verandah of the main room. Eirin had administered a prophylactic to her and Sakuya (as well as the princess) so that they could leave immediately without breeching quarantine. She paused, thinking for a moment, the turned toward the Mad Pharmacist, stating, "Oh, and next time you create a plague like this, I'll come to personally beat the snot out of you."

"I will forget your warning immediately."

"I'm glad to hear that lie," replied Remilia with a smirk. "Come Sakuya. Let's go."

"M'lady."

Remilia let out a noisy sigh as they arced high into the air. "I'm beat!" the vampire kid declared as they banked toward the Misty Lake, "Plague-ridden rabbits, crazy lunarians, plague-ridden crazy lunarians, and a plague-ridden crazy lunarian were-rabbit! It's enough to drive one to as much lunacy as they exhibit!"

They flew in silent contemplation for a while. "I'll want a soothing tea when we get home. Anything interesting?" Remilia asked suddenly.

"No, m'lady. I have just obtained some high-quality tea from Kourindou last week, and it's a right nasty brew," informed the maid.

Remilia smiled a toothy grin. "Heh! Liar!"

—/—

Interlude: Reisen in Recovery

"So, how do you feel, Reisen?"

Reisen looked up to see Tewi standing in the doorway. She smiled at the white, black-haired rabbit. "Much better, thank you." Reisen paused, contemplating her own words. "I'm a… knight?" she said, tentatively.

"That statement proves you're healthy once more," said Tewi.

Reisen's finger went to her cheek as she thought about it. "Yeah, I guess it does," she concurred. Reisen cast her head down, looking thoughtful for a while, before starting to speak, "Tewi… about my behavior…"

"Don't worry about it. And don't apologize. I know it was just the effects of the plague," Tewi waved off Reisen's concerns. "I must say, this episode has made me re-think my pranks on you."

A warm feeling blossomed inside Reisen's breast. Was this finally the long awaited connection to her fellow rabbits? "Does that mean you'll let up on your pranks?" she asked eagerly.

Tewi's smile was anything but kind. "Oh, no. My next prank will be epic!"

The warm feeling became a chill down Reisen's spine. "But… I thought you agreed that it was just the plague's doing!" protested the moon rabbit.

"Oh, I did!" confirmed the roguish, if knightish rabbit. "That doesn't mean that the whole episode doesn't piss me off. Also, meaner pranks for a while may desensitize you to future harmless ones."

"Aw, come on! Surely this will be counterproductive! What if the Master hears about this?" protested Reisen, starting to shake.

"Oh, don't worry. She said, and I quote, 'Tewi, you do not have my full permission and blessings to do this!'"

Reisen paled at these words, as Eirin's knavish nature was well-known to her.

"Now, where did I put Mr. Thingy?" Tewi wondered aloud, stepping casually out of the infirmary to seek that item. Reisen cried a high pitched call of terror.

(To be continued… unless I have the plague!)

---

Some chapters just gel and are easy to write. Other chapters just kick your ass. I won't lie. This chapter kicked my ass. I wasn't really satisfied with how it was wrapping up until the very end.

"Blaspheme Quarantine" is the tenth level of the original Marathon game. Yes, the same game that Remilia and Sakuya commented about the beginning of the chapter.