"I turned it off?" Rogue asked Professor Xavier in therapy the next day. "I just turned it off? How is that even possible? I have absorbed cat and dog thoughts when they have slept next to me in my sleep."
"Beast and Jean ran several tests, and no conclusions were drawn save that your own subconscious took control of your powers."
"And Jean?"
"Respected the barrier you erected," Xavier said. "It was clear that you were taking personal measures to attend to yourself. We left you to it."
A ray of appreciation gripped her, but she felt the shadow of abandonment as well. Who are you to cry abandon? She asked herself. The other part of her reprimanded herself for starting yet another fight within herself. We need to work together.
She looked over and saw the Prof's eyes watching her, somewhat amused, but studying her as well. "So what now?"
"What do you feel?"
When did my therapy go all psychology? "I am wondering what is going on. My brain is full, my body is not itself. What is going on?"
Xavier did not answer for a long time, no matter how hard Rogue stared at him. "Change is inevitable. It is what we are made of. Marie, I believe you are simply in the midst of metamorphosis."
"So, I'm not going to grow a tail right?" she ducked her head when he didn't laugh. "I mean, I'm me, right?"
"We will follow your progress and monitor it accordingly."
That was a dismissal if she ever heard one. She gathered up her coat and bag and bobbed her head in thank you and good bye, as he turned his attentions elsewhere. The door did not hit her on her way out.
"I swear it makes it worse." She said more to herself. Therapy, she gave her best Wolverine humph.
All day she had to wait for a chance to talk to him for half an hour? She was going on no sleep, suspense eating her alive. And that is the best he could do…'we'll see.'
"Now…" she bit her lip. "Now, to make amends…or deal with …stuff."
Bobby wasn't in the lounge. He wasn't outside, in the warroom, dangerroom, garage, hanger, his room, and every other place Rogue could think of checking.
Without tapping the Bobby in her mind, she asked herself where she would be, were she him. And as it goes, what you seek is in the last place you check. Rogue found him where she would be were she furious. She spent much time there herself in recent time.
Drake was in the gym, but had set the hologram on, as he had the treadmill on severe incline, the appearance of jogging up a hill. He was sweating, and Rogue smiled at his nice muscular body. He didn't stir her blood the way he might have in the past, but she could certainly admire a nice view.
She opened the door and wished for the best. "I forgot how focused you are."
His concentration broke and he looked at her but didn't stop running. He looked up and gasped for breath, in a way that one who has much mentally and physically competing for attention. "Can be."
"Mind if I join you?" Rogue hesitated.
He paused for a minute. Looking at her then away. The best he could muster was a shrug before picking his pace back up.
Rogue kept pace with him, not pushing it any more than that. They could speak when done. She ran and felt the sting of stirring up her legs. It had been a while. Even though it was simply an illusion, she still felt the exhilaration when they reached the peak and surveyed the scene as both caught their breath. Calm settled in her.
"Nice view." Bobby finally looked at her.
She smiled at him and gave a nod. "It is."
She wanted to talk to him, ask him if they were friends, if he still felt anything for her, if he had a thing with Kitty, if, what, why, when. So many questions that it annoyed her to even think of asking. She sat on a rock and stretched out her legs, giving her calves a rub.
"Rogue." He did it. "Let's have some honesty between us. Things aren't going to be the same."
First, Rogue caught that he had resisted calling her by her given name. And wasn't sure what to think of it. But secondly, she wasn't sure if the last part was a statement or question.
"I suppose not."
It hasn't been the same since Carol. Rouge wanted to say. But she thought he had only begun to realize.
He stared at the peaks in the distance and she sensed a change in him. Her mini-abandonment had hurt him. She could see it. But perhaps he knew what of his had been flowing through her head. He eyes turned back to her. And she tried for the life of her to read them.
"Just as unreadable as ever." He half-smiled to himself and looked back at her. "You must put voice to your thoughts or I'll never know."
"You know me. I never have any thoughts in my head."
His lack of reaction told her he didn't appreciate her jab. He didn't smile. Instead, his eyes watched her without hesitance or secrecy and his expression became clear. Just watching her he smiled now. And his demeanor softened.
Uncomfortable and feeling like she stepped in something squishy, Rogue shifted. She did not like to be blatantly admired like she was a piece of art. She was destructive, powerful, flawed, and a mess, nothing to stare at.
"What?" she wanted to ask, but didn't. She fidgeted back to look at him and saw that he was stone again. The sun was hid behind clouds and the silence stretched out.
Drake finally broke through not able to hide the ice in his voice. "I don't know what you see in him."
Rogue looked at him, completely blank. Who him? Wolverine? Logan was the longest, most steadfast, unreliable and disheartening man in her life. For his faults, she did love him though.
"Logan is only half as scary as he likes to act. Still scary…"
Drake looked away and shot some ice at a tree. He scoffed to himself.
"What is your deal against Logan? I mean, I know you are on team Cyke, but," she shrugged. He wanted to get her talk, so now she was, and he was stomping around shooting snowballs at the fake forest?
He stifled his sigh, she could see. "Gambit. I don't know what you see in Gambit."
Rogue didn't know either. Perhaps is what they she didn't see into him. She touched him and didn't have all his memories and abilities, like she did with the others. All the drama of their lives, it was too much, it has driven her away.
But that wasn't true. Her kiss with Gambit, she didn't feel anything but the pleasure and skin, at the spook that came after she brushed his skin and saw that woman. Rogue had forgotten her until now. She hadn't the nerve to ask him who it was at the time.
"I," Rogue stuttered. "I don't know. Uh. What do you mean?"
Bobby sighed. "I decided not to go to the movie, and came up to the roof to find you. And I saw you. And him." He looked away.
"I didn't know what to do so I just left." He looked back at her, a pang in his eyes. "I, eh.."
He drifted off to nothing. Rogue grimaced and broke free with the truth. "And it went awry. I about blew up the wall."
Awkward… Rogue wondered is perhaps she shouldn't have admitted to that. Even though he saw their kiss, she didn't have to rub it in. Ok, acknowledging is not rubbing. I was just trying to make him feel better….at my expense.
"Is there no time left for us?" He picked up her hand, no longer gloved as much as she used to. But held ice between them
The drastic change in topic of Remy back to Drake surprised her and a bit unnerved her. She knew that Bobby had feelings for Kitty. Who didn't, but that was beside the point. The fact was they were different than when they met years ago. They were not the same people they once were and wanted new and different things. Why hold on to the past when it did them no good?
The silence said it all to Bobby, and he let go off her hand. It wasn't dropped, but reluctantly given up. He wasn't mad, but took a deep breath. Swallowed. He appeared composed again. He stood and offered his hand. She took it, standing up and they left the gym. Walking down the hall she measured the silence.
It was clear. That is how it was going to be. She and Bobby would never be able to talk about it—them, like it used to be—again. Honest with herself, Rogue found some relief in that. For her it was past. Bobby needed to have his present and future. He just needed to see it.
If she apologized, she risked all breaking down. She didn't want to have that conversation. She didn't want to do that to him. She couldn't change her feelings, she couldn't change what happened. They needed to move on.
He walked her to her room and smiled, soft and small, still hurt, but a gentleman to his core.
"G'nite."
She opened her door and didn't bother to turn on the lights. Kitty was up to no good no doubt…elsewhere. She walked over and fell into bed.
Immediately she jumped up with a uncharacteristic scream. Iceman was there before she knew it at her side, his body slicked in white.
"Dammit, Remy." She tried to catch her breath.
He didn't move from where he had been lounging on her bed, his arms folded behind his head, his legs crossed one over the other. Even with the quick and powerful entrance of Iceman, Gambit didn't stir, but smirked.
He kicked his legs up and sat up enough to lean against her headboard. "I like a helluva welcome."
Bobby, shook off his icy self and shifted a look to Rogue. An eyebrow raised, as if to say 'seriously, him? Over me?'
Rogue shifted under the gaze, and hoped Gambit couldn't see the exchange in the dark. She nodded to Bobby and moved him to the door. "I can handle it, Drake."
The look didn't leave her friend's face, but he shrugged, shaking his head. He left them to it.
"What the devily blaze are you doing here?" she asked him, walking back and turning on the light.
"Do me a favor, no? and leave the light off, 't hurts my eyes."
She rolled her eyes and shut it off. But opted to turn on a nearby lamp. He patted the bed next to him. At the side, she stood with her arms folded over her chest. "what?"
He made the motion for her to sit next to him again.
With a huff of frustration, she flopped on to the bed next to him, her bed, and brought her feet up to, mirroring his position so he'd get on with it.
Rather than again ask for an explanation she waited, watching him.
"Remy needs yo' help." He looked down at her.
"What? How so?"
"My kin, dey needin' m' help. Da guilds at war, but if Gambit could get in t'see de guildmasters, he know he could talk 'em outta't." he gestured dramatically as he described to her the house with the guards, and the way through.
"And you need me?" Rogue raised an eyebrow. "I can't be of help. I'm fair to useless at the moment."
"Non, Chere, Da Rogue help da Gambit, dat is how it works." He leaned closer to her. "Den Da Remy help da Rogue, when she be needin' it."
She was still in shock by his detailed plan. Wanting them to leave tomorrow to go to New Orleans.
"N'awlins, tomorrow?"
"You're serious?" she felt her heart wring.
"Non. But 't b' fun, yeh?" he laughed. He laughed even harder when she hit him for stringing her along.
"You need to get off my bed and go." She folded her arms and turned away from him.
"Aw, Chere," he reached over to pull her around, still laughing. And she smacked him again.
He moved his hand down to her waist and she burst out into giggles at her ticklishness.
"You," she gasped between breaths, "are a. Cruel. Man."
He stopped at that. Relieved for a moment, she recomposed. Then looked at him. She couldn't tell if he was feigning hurt, or that he took her serious. She poked him and he didn't say anything.
"Ok. I am sorry. You are not cruel."
Nothing.
"Really I'm sorry."
More nothing.
"Don't be like that."
"Y' too serious." He grinned.
She hit him again. But laughed. "I don't get you swamp rat." But she laughed.
She smiled as she squirmed to lay down. She hadn't had a good laugh in ages. Well, she didn't remember when. She didn't keep track after all.
"Ya t'ink too much, chere." He lay on his side next to her, his arm propped under the pillow.
As much as she did think and overanalyze, she now found herself not knowing what to think. A strange, and rather intoxicating man in her bed, inches from her. His red hair covered his eyes somewhat, and she reached over and swept it out of the way. She slowly took her hand back.
His eyes, peculiar, were engaging. Not glossy, not matte, but held a depth that surprised and somewhat intimidated her. But she couldn't look away.
He reached up and put his hand on her shoulder and it took her a moment to realize. She looked over and saw that he had his gloves on. Two fingers naked. And her shoulders were bare. No skin touched, but his touch made her shiver. She knew she had goose bumps.
She knew she wanted to kiss him.
But last time…but it wasn't the kiss that did it. It was the surprise of something else. Something she now knew to be Drake opening and then shutting the door. The last thing she needed now was Kitty to walk in. But Gambit was in front of her.
He smiled at her. Not his cocky teasing smile, but small, a corner of his mouth tugging as he seemed to be fighting it. Slowly she brought her hand up to his face. She looked from her hand to his face, focusing in and out as they were right in front of her.
I can't. She slowly brought her hand back down. His eyes followed.
Their eyes met again.
You scared? His eyes asked her.
Yes. And no.
She didn't want to be scared. Part of her wasn't. but most of her was.
Remy put his gloved hand to her cheek and she could see out of the corner of her eye that he held an unclothed finger away. He reached to her hand and slowly lifted it from her side. Ever so painfully slowly he moved it up to him, giving her every chance to pull it away. Not once did his eyes shift away from hers. Her hand was before his face and he moved even slower, making miniscule movement ever closer to his face. Finally, he had her hand near his lips. He looked down at her hand and leaned forward, closed his eyes and touched his lips to her fingertips.
After a long and very short second she made the smallest flick of her fingers to take them off his touch. But she didn't take back her hand or move it away.
His eyes drifted back up to hers, and she recognized the glint in them. Taking more of her hand, his fingers wrapped around hers. He softly, slowly, grazed it but not a cheating a peck, but a true kiss he placed on her. He quickly released her hand with his bare fingers and removed his lips, but not entirely away.
"I have control." He lingered for a few more seconds, nothing more, before standing up. He gazed down at her. A breath that she could see build up in his chest as he hunched his shoulders. His eyes never left her even as he turned away. He took to the balcony, quickly glanced over his shoulder before dropping out of sight.
Rogue took a breath and felt like she had been holding her breath the whole time. She rolled on to the rest of the bed and touched her fingers to her lips. A smile couldn't help but erupt.