See chpt. 1 for info and warnings
Author's Note: This is pretty much AU after the kiss, so don't be offended by lack of cannon in reference to things past that point.
Kurt tried to shake off the initial shock. It had been almost five years since he last laid eyes on the man. It was ridiculous to be frightened. Kurt reminded himself that he wasn't scared of bullies anymore. "No. Yes. Coffee." He knew it hadn't sounded very confident, but his mind was working at about half capacity with the alcohol and the surprise. "Just coffee."
The look of relief on Dave's face was almost comedic. "There's a place next door... quiet."
Kurt nodded uncertainly and then followed as Karofsky led the way through the crowd and out the door. He noticed that the other man turned back to check every few seconds to see if he was still there. Under any other circumstances, it would have been funny. As things stood, Kurt felt his stomach knot at the thought of talking to Dave Karofsky. They remained silent until they both had a fresh cup of coffee in hand. The silence was awkward but not intimidating the way Kurt might have expected. That was due in large part to the fact that Karofsky looked as nervous as he felt.
They took a table that was far enough away from the main flow of traffic to be private without being totally cut off. "So," Kurt began, knowing that he didn't have the first idea of how to really start things off.
"So I guess... I guess the first thing's the obvious one. I'm sorry." It was a bare bones apology if ever there had been one, but the sincerity in the man's voice added some heft to the words. "And second I'd like to try and explain if... if you don't mind listening to it."
Kurt considered that. At his angriest, he had just hoped that Karofsky got run over on his way to practice one day. At his most upset, he'd wondered how the hell anyone could treat someone else with some disdain. "I'd like to know," he allowed after a pause.
Dave took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. Thank you. I know a lot of it's not gonna matter, but I'll feel better if you... get it. Growing up, my parents were always pretty clear about what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to be, so I always figured that was set. Fixed. Never really bothered me until I got older. It's easy to go along with your parents when you're a kid. Then there's all the hormones and things get kind of..." He shook his head and shrugged one shoulder before taking a sip of coffee. "I started thinking about guys. The more I thought about it, the harder it got to not think about it.
"My dad would sneak me Playboys like it was a big secret, some kind of initiation to the club, and I swear to god, I tried to look at 'em, and it was so fucking... so boring." Dave let out a laugh that was bitter and self-deprecating at the same time. "Couldn't tell 'em. My dad had made it really clear that there were no fucking queers in his family." The young man glanced up sharply, realizing the way it sounded and added, "His words. He said that if I ever... that I'd be out of his house. He wouldn't tolerate that shit. I was supposed to bang some cheerleaders, get a scholarship and keep my life together. Keep doing it right.
"Then there was you. It was easy at first because all the guys gave you a hard time, so I did. It got hard when I couldn't stop thinking about you." Dave's cheeks blazed at the confession, and his gaze dropped back to the coffee cup once more. "All the time. I figured if I just kept acting like everything was fine, it would be. Normal. Jocks don't like geeks, so we both play our parts and it's fine. If I could still be mean to you, it was like it was okay and I could just act like it wasn't happening."
Kurt broke in softly, "And then the kiss."
Dave swallowed hard. "Yeah. The kiss. Jesus, I've never... it was stupid. So stupid, but... It doesn't make it okay. Nothing can make that okay, but if I hadn't done it, then I never would have... I sucked it in until graduation, but if I hadn't kissed you, I don't think I ever could've come out. I got my scholarship, and I got the hell out of my house, and once I was in the dorm, I stopped pretending."
He looked up again, a shy glance to gauge what Kurt was thinking about everything. "I couldn't keep being mad at everybody who was braver than me. That's what made it so easy to be mean to you, y'know. You were just... you. There. Like it was no big deal when I felt like my whole life would fall apart if anybody even thought... And then you were so damn cute. Still are," he added a little more quietly. "Anyway, it was stupid waiting and being such an asshole because it turned out that nobody fucking cared if I was gay or straight or whatever. No, well, nobody at school. At college. My parents cared. They told me not to bother coming home, but I knew they would, so..."
Despite the casual shrug, Kurt could hear the hurt in Dave's voice at the words. "How long since you've talked to them?"
"A little over a year. I tried calling my mom, figured maybe she'd understand more. Not so much." Dave caught himself about to shrug again and stopped. "She told me not to call again. Apparently they don't *have* a son."
"Jesus." As much of a hell as Dave had made his life in high school, Kurt was pained to hear how badly his coming out had gone. Hoping to move on to more positive things, he suggested, "What about college life? Things are... good?"
"Yeah. Better. Not doing football anymore. I got another scholarship. Teaching." He took in the look of absolute shock on Kurt's face and nodded, "Yeah, I know. I like kids, okay? There's a lot of inner city schools around here that nobody wants to work at. Figure nobody's gonna give a guy my size a hard time. They deserve to get a good education too."
"They do," Kurt agreed, looking Karofsky over critically, "but you aren't as big as you used to be. I mean that in a good way."
Dave blushed yet again. "Thanks. Turns out when you're not trying to eat your weight in burgers every day it's a lot easier to slim down. Go figure." Obviously ready to shift the conversation a little, he nodded toward the club they'd exited. "So what about you? Partying the nights away?"
"No. Well, a couple of them, but I don't have much alcohol tolerance. Besides, all the smoke's bad for my voice." Kurt offered a hint of a smile. "I'm a theater major now, but, obviously, it's all about the musicals. It's just nice getting out sometimes, meeting people. I don't mean that as a euphemism. The dancing thing, that... I don't usually do that."
"No complaints," Dave answered with a flash of a smirk. "I'm just sorry I, y'know, took advantage of the moment. At first I thought you just looked like you. I mean - you know what I mean. It wasn't until I got closer that I realized it was you. Thought it was just wishful thinking at first."
"Wishful thinking?" Kurt couldn't quite keep himself from looking somewhat pleased at the confession. An inner voice reminded him rather pointedly of just what kind of guy Karofsky had been for years. Another voice countered with a rather vivid flash of just how good the dancing had felt for the few minutes it actually lasted.
"Yeah. Look, I didn't even expect you to agree to talk to me. I was so much of an asshole that even I don't like to think about me back in high school. That doesn't mean that I don't still think about some parts of it." He stopped as if considering whether to complete his confessions for the evening or not. "I said I came out. I didn't say I've figured out how to pick up guys. Fucked up as it was... you're the only guy I've ever kissed. I'd give just about anything to fix how it happened, though, to make it something you didn't have to feel bad about. Something like that should be special."
Kurt felt the sting of tears at those words. The sentiment was one he'd expressed often enough himself. "Yeah. It should be."
"Kurt, if I could-"
"You can't. Nobody can." The slighter young man took a slow breath. "It was a long time ago, though. There have been other kisses."
Dave considered that. "Hope they were good ones."
"They were. I was... I saw someone at my new school for quite while. He graduated the year before me and things got hard. We were too young for long distance." Kurt wasn't too proud to add, "There haven't been a lot of kisses since then. I think I like being with someone I know wants to stick around more than I just want to be with someone."
"Is it nuts to say I'm glad and sorry at the same time? You deserve to have all that… all the romance. But I'm glad you're waiting for it," the young man clarified with a sheepish smile.
Kurt found himself smiling back. "That's… very sweet, actually." A glance down at Kurt's watch revealed that it was well past the hour at which he'd intended to crawl back into his own bed. "Look, I may be an idiot for doing this, but it wouldn't be the first time. How about we meet tomorrow for lunch? You seem like you could use a friend or two." Terrible as Karofsky had been to him in high school, the young man sitting in front of him bore little resemblance to the monster who had terrorized him. This was a Dave who needed help as much as Kurt himself had in school.
"Really? Are you- y'know what, not gonna ask that because you might change your mind. Yeah, that's perfect. Uh, we can meet here and figure out where to go?"
Holding a hand out, Kurt requested simply, "Phone," and waited until Dave fished his phone from his pocket and placed it in Kurt's delicate hand. He had his number put into the device in seconds and passed it back. "Twelve o'clock. I won't be late, but… if you change your mind." There were a lot of years and awkward times between them, and Kurt knew he wasn't the only one who found it difficult to work past at times. He flashed Dave a smile and rose. "Tomorrow." Thankfully he was too tired to overthink the whole evening as he drove home to try and get some rest.