"I soon have a situation here. Bodie. I can't get him to leave. Or stop drinking. He'll be in trouble soon. Can you come?" Ray being worried and unable to affect his partner, that was something so unheard of, that Anna had immediately started to change clothes and left for the pub Ray had mentioned.
"Hi, handsomes."
Bodie was startled. "Oh... hi." He emptied his glass, missing the Thank God silently formed by Ray's lips. "Eh... what brings you here?"
Anna squeezed herself into a gap to stand on the right side of the drunken agent. "Thought to have a drink."
Bodie had already handed his glass to be filled again. "Make it double. And you... You bloody hate these places."
She shrugged. "I've been to many places I hate. Cider, a half, please. Whatever you have here." Bartender nodded.
"That one's on me", Ray was handing a note over the counter.
"Well then, what have you two been up to? I was at the HQ before midday and nobody knew if you'd be back today."
Ray gave Anna a short summary of what had happened in Birmingham, while Bodie in between them only stared at his whisky.
"The boss told us you're... err... dismissed for the time being." Ray's remark made Bodie give her a quick sideglance.
"True... they haven't decided yet the length. Or if there will be something else also."
Ray took a swallow of his beer. "Macklin was bloody furious. Didn't dare to tell him the reason, I guess we two are the only ones that have been told anything about what happened. A damned mess you created. You should have let those bastards shoot the bloody Ralston. At least that would have made it worth the commotion"
Anna gave a faint smile. "He was the first trying to dash out from the room when it started. And the boss was faster with his aim in the corridor than the guy who was trying to get at them." They were all silent for a while.
"The old man told us you took one down." That also caused a glance from Bodie.
"Yeah...", Anna didn't want to remember it and both men saw her shudder.
"You ok?" Bodie finally got his mouth open.
Anna almost said yes, but still seeing the dark aura around the agent, she changed her mind. "I don't know... I'm not used to seeing brains scatter around two yards from me. Haven't been able to eat after that." Which was the truth, but usually she would never have admitted that to anyone. "I had wished I could talk about that with you, Bodie." Which was not the whole truth. But if it would distract the man and help to steer him out before he would start picking a fight, as Ray had feared, she could talk.
"I'm... I'm not in my best talking mode." But maybe those blue eyes were just a little softer. "And Ray is the psychic... the psychi...atrist anyway."
Anna nudged Bodie gently. "Yes but you're the been-there-done-that soldier." To her surprise, she saw Bodie's eyes get harder again.
"That captain would gladly talk with you. I bet."
Anna was astonished. What on earth?
Suddenly Ray understood and swore under his breath while baffled Anna stared at their mate.
"What cap... hello, Bodie. I have no intention to talk to him."
Bodie was again focusing on his glass which was frighteningly empty, and he missed the words Ray's lips formed. And Anna stared at Ray, stunned. No... oh no. No no no, it couldn't be. Not Bodie. Ray couldn't be right. Jealous. That was... impossible.
But she would soon find out what was wrong. She would need to act smart though, Bodie was still sharp enough to see through any clumsy attempts, yet already drunk enough to be totally unpredictable.
"I'm sorry if I bothered you, Bodie. You maybe are waiting for Sophie?" Or was it Denise? Dammit. She was losing track.
"No." Bodie handed his glass over again. "Double... We're through."
Again Ray's lips moved. Last week.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Bodie." What the hell was wrong with that man? As if he was changing shirts, the way he'd been changing women the past few months. "Anyone new then?"
Bodie quickly brushed away from his mind the woman he had spent the first night with in Birmingham. "No."
Anna was confused and looked pleadingly at Ray but he only shrugged, looking helpless.
The woman sighed. All right. There was a lot of people close, so she could improvise. She listened to the movement behind her and moved when she heard someone approach. Perfect timing. Actually, painfully perfect. Something hit her straight into the bruise and the outcry and water from her eyes were definitely not faked as fire shot through her whole shoulder and upper arm. Her glass fell on and over the counter, splashing out the rest of her cider.
"Bloody..." Drunken Bodie's reflexes had got slower so she almost really fell before the agent grabbed her. Ray moved like a greased lightning to get himself between the innocent accused and the guilty victim, and Anna didn't hurry in straightening herself up, but clinged to the dark-haired agent who was roaring threats and profanities over her shoulder to the poor customer who had had no chance to react to Anna's movement.
"Bodie, Bodie please, it was only an accident. I moved backwards, it wasn't his fault!." Anna got scared that she had overdone it, seeing the enraged face. Ray had been right, Bodie was out for a fight, and she had been stupid enough to give him a perfect cause. She leaned on the agent as heavily as she dared and let her wet cheek brush against his neck.
"I'll beat the shit out of that bloody bastard..." Bodie finally looked down and noticed Anna's tears. "Christ, are you crying? Where does it hurt? Did you break something?" His other hand started to pat at his pockets, trying to find something to dry the face to and finally found a paper tissue, which he handed over to Anna.
"It's my shoulder... I hurt it again yesterday. Hurts like hell now." As it did, and Bodie saw her paleness.
"Can you move your arm?" Anna grimaced but managed to move it, although lifting it higher proved too much. "Did you show your shoulder to a quack today?" She shook her head.
Ray came closer. "You'd better have a look at it, Bodie. You have those salves and stuff at your place and it's close." Ray peeked in Anna's open neckline before Anna had time to react. "Chrissake, Bodie, I mean it. This does not look good, all black and blue, the shoulder. How the hell did you manage to do this, Anna? What did you crash against?"
She sighed. "Bones. Shins of one man to make him fall and after that somersault, floor. Hurt my back too."
Ray grabbed Bodie's glass and pushed it into his hand. "Finish that. I drive you both to your place. She'll maybe need a sling too."
Anna performed a skillfull little stagger which made the drunken man's arm instinctively have a tighter grip on her, and his mind get distracted. He emptied his glass in one swallow. "Let's go."
Anna hated herself for being such a deceitful little bitch, but this once she decided that the end justified the means, and she sighed of relief when Bodie was sitting in the car. At least no imminent threat to bystanders, as even now it would have taken at least two good men to bring Bodie down. She cursed for not being smart enough to take with her the sleeping pills she had at her place, they might have come in handy this evening. She had seen Bodie drunk before, a few times, but he usually was either fooling around, or then simply silent and a little moody, and if she had been around, clearly keeping his drinking in check. Now she had seen him finishing three whiskies in a matter of minutes, clearly brewing aggression, and that worried her.
Bodie stayed quiet during the few minute's drive, and didn't utter a word even when they entered his apartment. The drinks seemed to finally have more effect, and the agent was swaying when he went to rummage through his medicine cabinet.
Ray talked quietly. "I had a date for this evening but I'll stay if you think it's best." His green eyes were worried.
"No, I think I manage. I try to lure him to eat a little and talk if that is possible and then sleep."
Ray bit his lip. "Listen, I'll take the R/T with me. Call the HQ and ask to put the call or message through to me if things turn... unpleasant. In any way. Ok? You promise?" Anna nodded. "I'll be back in a flash if..."
Bodie entered the living-room and frowned. "If what?"
Ray straightened up. "If her shoulder gets worse and she needs to be taken to some quack. Call me, Bodie."
The dark-haired man swayed at the doorframe. "You were s'posed to take your bird to dinner."
Ray shrugged. "Yeah. But she's a nurse and could help too. Give a call if it feels like that, right?" His eyes searched Anna's.
"I'm sure Bodie will take good enough care of me. And I take a taxi when I leave. Have a nice evening, Ray." She smiled at her worried friend and Bodie gave way so that Ray got to the door.
"See you, Bodie." Drunken man merely grunted.
"Sit down and show me that shoulder." Bodie didn't sound much friendlier at Anna either. Ouch. Somehow she had completely missed planning how to tackle this part.
"Ah... I maybe have to take this blouse off. Could you please pull the curtains?" Anna felt how redness spread from her ears to her face. Oh for heaven's sake... hopefully Bodie was drunk enough to forget.
The agent swayed for a moment, looking somehow lost, and then moved in front of the window and did as he was asked.
"Thank you." Still blushed, Anna opened the uppermost buttons.
Bodie had moved behind her and waited, and eventually also he noticed the blush. And only when pulling down the blouse from the shoulder he thought he understood the reason for it. "I'm not going to eat you." His tone was somewhat gentler.
"Didn't think you would. It's just... I don't like anyone to see..." She swallowed.
"See what? Your shoulder? This is not enough, take your arm out from the sleeve." And when she did, Bodie's eyes widened. "Oh..."
The bruise was impressive enough, but it was the scars he couldn't take his eyes off.
"Jesus..." Of course he had known the scars were there. How could he not know, after sitting all those hours late in the evenings beside her bed in the hospital, waiting and praying she would wake up. Until one day when he had approached her room, he had been told she was awake and refused to see anyone. And the next time he had seen her weeks later when he and Ray went to catch her before she was able to disappear and kill herself. He had known... but still, still it was a shock.
Anna was startled when she realised Bodie had opened her bra. But as Bodie's other hand stayed immobile on her left shoulder, she kept still, feeling his fingertips move along her back and side.
"I never knew... the surgeons told me but still... " The man's voice sounded suffocated. "This was all my fault. I should have believed you that day. I should have stayed there myself. Chrissake, Anna..." He went quiet, and Anna felt his palm against her back. As if trying to make the scars disappear.
"Bodie?"
He didn't reply.
"Bodie? Could you please see to that bruise?" Anna felt like crying, she didn't know why, but she desperately wanted to get a grip on normality. She touched his hand on her shoulder. "Oi, Bodie..."
She heard him take a breath. "Right..."
Bodie needed to close his eyes for a moment and focus, before he finally was able to do what he was supposed to. He studied the medicine salves he had got for his own injuries, and started to apply a cooling salve to take away some of the pain. Then he spread a thin fabric on Anna's shoulder, gently helped her to get decently dressed again, and handed her a painkiller with a glass of water. But after that effort, he collapsed into a sofa and pressed his head into his hands. It took a while before Anna dared to approach him, not knowing what was going on in his intoxicated, incoherent mind.
"It wasn't your fault, Bodie. I never knew you felt that way. It was your job to go and start the hunt. And you needed your people for that. Don't ever blame yourself about what happened. I have never blamed you." Bodie still refused to look at her. "Oh Bodie, we should have talked about this earlier... Christ, I'm so sorry. I just... didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to forget. That was wrong of me. I should have talked with you."
"I thought that you didn't want to... thought you didn't want to see me there because I had caused that."
It took a moment before she understood. "No... oh God, no, Bodie. I... I just hoped I had died. I wished then that I would. I was just... wallowing in my own misery and trying to get away. I wanted to see no-one. And I wanted no-one to see me like that." She touched his shoulder and sat beside him. "Please, believe me."
"I thought that was why you wanted to use time with others. With Macklin. Recruits. Ray. With that old colonel. And Gui. Bloody horses and sick dogs and whatever."
Anna stared at the agent. "But... I don't understand. You have been almost every free moment of yours with some woman if you haven't been with Ray. How could I have even known you were interested to spend any time with me? Spoiled goods that I am?" Anna felt helpless. "And did you think I was interested in that captain then?"
Bodie straightened up, angry. "Yeah, why not? The old man told he was tall and... and handsome and witty and young and capable..." He went quiet for a moment. "Spoiled goods? Who the hell has said you're spoiled goods?" He turned to look at her, almost snarling. "Who the bloody fucking bastard has dared to say something like that? Say the name and I'll break his filthy miserable neck... No, you can't believe that. Bloody hell, Anna, do not believe that. Ever. " Bodie's voice faded.
"I wish you would have said something if you wanted to spend time with me." Anna's throat felt dry. "I just tried to fill my days so that I didn't have time to think or feel anything. I would have loved to spend time with you. But you had all those pretty girls..." Again she felt like crying.
"They were just... pastime. Nothing serious, none of them." Bodie was rubbing his face and eyes. "God I'm pissed..."
They were silent again.
"Your shoulder... any better?"
Anna had in her misery already forgotten all about it. "It's better, thanks, guess the pill starts to kick in too. I'm sorry I bothered you with it, Bodie."
The agent looked at the floor. "I'm sorry... that I stared at your back. That I touched it. I wish it didn't... hurt."
Anna remembered how Bodie's fingertips had felt. "It didn't. You have..." soft touch, she wanted to say "... friendly fingers. A little undisciplined, though."
He stole a peek at her and finally replied shyly to her little smile. "Guess so... sorry 'bout that."
She smiled again. "Nah, don't be. It felt a lot better than anything yesterday." The memories wiped her smile away.
"You ok?" she felt him touch her knee.
"It was a terrible day, Bodie. Thank god the chief came to talk, I guess I wouldn't have been able to even sleep after that otherwise."
Bodie nodded and rubbed again his face. "I asked him to find you right away. Thought you would run away otherwise. Asked him to stop you from leaving." Anna was mute. "He stayed with you, didn't he?"
Anna took a breath. "Yes. I asked him to. I needed company."
She looked at Bodie. She needed to talk with him, but she didn't want him to get any more drunk tonight. "Listen, Bodie... Can I trust you? I mean, if I tell you things, can I trust you to keep those to yourself?"
"Of course you can." The man looked hurt.
"And can I trust you to not drink more tonight?"
His frown deepened. "Why? Are you afraid I would... do something to you?"
She put a placating hand on his arm. "No, I didn't mean that, Bodie. I just got worried there in the pub, that you might have got into a fight. You're not in your best moods, sweetie. I don't want people get hurt or get in trouble, neither you nor others." She could feel frustration seeping into the man again.
"What do you want then?" His voice sounded wary.
"I want to... spend an evening with you. Ok? With you, not with anyone else. We haven't done that for ages. Not since... what, last fall?" The thought really hit her, that it was several months ago when she had for the last time really spent private time with Bodie. "If you want, that is."
Bodie was quiet for what felt like a long time. "I'm so drunk. I'm... sorry. I should sleep a bit to get my head clearer. Sorry, little one." Anna hadn't heard him call her that for a long time.
She looked at the clock. "You know, Bodie, it's only eight. You had started early... What do you say, if you go to bed, and sleep a little, and then we talk and watch tv or go for a walk or something like that?"
Bodie frowned. "You want to spend an evening with me? Are you pitying me or something?"
Anna gave him an incredulous look. "You really have to be totally loaded to say something that absurd. I don't hate you. If I hated or despised you, I might do something out of pity. But I want to spend this evening with you because I want to."
He looked at her, insecure. "Although I'm this drunk?"
She smiled. "Yes you definitely are. But you could sleep it off a bit, right?"
Bodie frowned again. "I'm hungry."
His companion sighed. But better hungry than thirsty. "Go to bed for an hour and I fix you dinner if you have anything in your fridge."
Bodie thought for a moment with a very serious expression on his face. "I have lights there. Fix something out of that?" For some reason that stupidest joke cracked Anna and after a moment Bodie started to chuckle also.
"Oh christ I don't know which one of us is more messed up..." Anna was wiping her face dry, still chuckling.
Bodie nudged her. "What about a phonecall to Toni's place, if they don't have a table, then we could take pizzas with us. That would also cover the walk. I can skip the wine if you want." He looked suddenly shy. "But I wouldn't want to waste the evening to sleeping. Not unless you would sleep with me." Bodie wished he was sober, or then hell of a lot more drunk, seeing the way Anna looked at him. His heart was pounding. "I... I don't mean sleeping like..." He swallowed. "I just want to be with you. I behave. All the time. Promise." Anna looked at him her head tilted. Bodie sighed. "I'm sounding a jerk, right?" She just watched. "Do you want me to call you a taxi?" He was mustering his dignity. Still Anna stayed quiet for a long time.
"What is it? Why don't you say something?" Bodie started to feel miserable.
"Because I don't know if I should give you a slap or a kiss." She was quiet for a moment more. "My shoulder hurts too much to give a decent swing, and out of principle I do not kiss men who are over the limit." She sighed. "Call that Toni. And no wine, beer, or anything else of the sort tonight. Ok? And I don't force you to sleep."
Phone rang a couple of hours later, when Bodie was teaching Anna poker, and especially, techniques to cheat. Bodie picked it up. "Yes, she's here. Just a moment."
It was mr Cowley. "Everything all right there?"
Bodie was turning Anna's cards over. "No. That damn crook Bodie is peeking at my cards!"
The Controller chuckled. "So it sounds like a fun evening for you. That's good to hear. But unfortunately I have to spoil it a little. I tried to call your apartment earlier and didn't find you from the house either. Now, you're expected to be at the HQ at two pm tomorrow. Ralston's superior wants to see you then."
Anna swallowed and squeezed her eyes shut. "At two... all right, Sir. Your office?" Bodie came closer when he saw Anna's pale face.
"Aye. Try not to worry too much, lass. Would you please give the phone back to Bodie? And good night to you, bairn. Try to get some sleep."
She signalled to Bodie. "Good night to you too, Sir." She handed the receiver to Bodie, and started to pace around the living-room.
After a minute Bodie said goodbye and hung up. He saw Anna standing by a window, staring into the night.
"Don't worry, Anna. The old wolf won't let Ralston get at you too hard. A real bitch, that creature."
Anna nodded. "He didn't like me, or the boss."
Bodie put his hand on her shoulder. "He's never got along with the old man, as far as I know. Envious little creep. And that other jerk, McAllister, dunno if he's any better." He was quiet for a while. "When you sleep... I mean, with the old man... what do you do?" If he had been sober, he would never have asked that question.
Anna looked at him. "Bodie, we don't do anything. You know we're not having an affair. I'm not in love with him and he's not in love with me or even infatuated or anything like that. We don't have sex. You know that perfectly well. "
Bodie nodded. "I know. He just loves you and you love him."
Anna looked at the man and tried to figure out what was going on inside that skull. But Bodie's eyes were friendly. "Something like that, yes."
"I didn't mean that you'd be... you know... " Bodie was embarrassed. "I just meant, if you talk or something?"
Anna turned to face him. "Yeah, we usually talk if there's something bothering either one of us. But otherwise... oh Bodie, I don't know if I can explain it so that anyone would understand." Sometimes even she struggled to understand. "He chased my nightmares away last winter. I simply calm down with him. It feels good to feel him close. He makes me feel safe and secure. He's close. It has nothing with sex to do. I may sometime cuddle under his arm, or he can stroke my head or my neck or back. Nothing more than that. And yet it's... it's enough. It's like... when as a kid I saw nightmares and cuddled under Dad's or Grandpa's arm... I don't know if you understand. But I'd like to think that it also gives something to him."
Bodie pushed away his unjust envy. "I'm sure it does."
They were quiet for a while.
"Would you feel the same with me?"
Bodie's question startled Anna. "No."
Her reply was instant and Bodie's heart sank again.
"No because you're not him. You are you. I would feel... differently." Anna looked Bodie straight into his eyes. "You would make me feel that I wanted to stroke your head or neck. But I'm afraid you are used to something else. Something more... tangible."
There was the mildest blush on her face, and Bodie swallowed, knowing how drunk he still was, barely daring to breathe to not scare her away.
"I'd love to be stroked." It was a mere whisper. "I'd love to feel you close to me." The man's heart was pounding so hard he thought the whole house would vibrate."That's all I've wanted the whole time. Just to have you close." He slowly slid his arms around the slender woman to not frighten her, and the care, and the tenderness Anna sensed, made her feel so very strange. "Just to see you wake up and look at me. That's all I hoped for all those nights in the hospital."
They stood there for a long time.
END OF CHAPTER 5