A/N: Good news everyone! I'm still alive! I've just been at the University of Michigan for two weeks with my crappy laptop that has a vendetta against the Fanfiction login page, so I haven't been able to upload. Or fave. Or review. Or put things on alert. That's why you're getting a multi-chapter update and why I'm looking for a ton of fics that I read and wanted to do something for.

My mind gears have begun turning again, and I have FOUR- count 'em- FOUR new story ideas ready and raring to go. I just need your help to pick which one to bring pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) on first, because I'm indecisive! You can go by either title or you can go to my profile where I have a bit more detailed descriptions of each one. The titles are as follows- "Firecracker", "Chemistry", "Olympian", and "Adopted". Firecracker and Chemistry are both short and the other two are long, but I don't care which I start with, all four are eventually going up.

Meanwhile, I need to get this story rolling off Microsoft Word even faster, I want to get to chapter 13 (the last one/epilogue D:) quickly, I have so much already written down for it that I can't wait!

Okay, so, disclaimers, rating, etc. are still the same, but no more violence. There are mentions of self-harm, though none of it actually happens to anyone. Let's-a-go!

Chapter IX- Dreams of Depression

I fell to my knees beside the pool, tears dripping from my face into the water that almost drowned the boy I loved. Although, it wasn't the water's fault he had been on the verge of death, that blame belonged to me and only me. Kendall just stood behind me and watched sadly as my body was convulsed with each sob that pushed its way out of my mouth. I was making so much noise that my throat was becoming sore and I felt like I was going to throw up.

I had never cried so hard in my life before now; then again, I had never almost murdered my boyfriend before now, so it kind of balanced out a bit. Also, I had never been so utterly devastated by anything like this essential break-up in the past. Granted, none of those relationships held true love or passion. None of those girls had ever held my heart as tightly as the brunette had, and the look in his eye told me he was letting it go; he had held on so tightly that my heart completely collapsed when he let it go. I had been so caught up in jealous anger that I couldn't have been thinking straight, and it cost me my everything.

"Carlos…" I turned my head to see Kendall pinching the bridge of his nose, but I snapped my gaze back to the water of death before he could speak, causing tears to fly from my face and create little ripples on the surface.

"G-go a-way!" My heavy breathing in between sobs caused me to stutter and break words into pieces. "L-leave me a-alo-alone!" Hearing a sigh and footsteps getting closer, I felt a strong pair of hands grab onto my sides, force me up to my feet, and spin me around. There was a yellow tee shirt and a white plaid flannel shirt right in front of my eyes, and I stared into the yellowness, not having the courage or strength to bring my head up to look him in the eyes. With another sigh he placed a hand on my shoulder and another under my chin, tilting my head upward to look at him.

"Carlos, please, we have to go back to the apartment and get you cleaned up. No matter how bad you feel about seeing him right now, it would just make you feel worse if you stay at the scene of the crime and wallow in self-loathing." He was right. Kendall was always right. "So whaddaya say?" His hand slipped out from under my chin, coming to rest on my other shoulder, a smirk breaking onto his face. I nodded and wiped my eyes, my vision blurring a bit from tears still present as I felt his hand take mine, leading me through the lobby to the elevator.

I dreaded walking into the apartment, but luckily Logan wasn't in sight at the time or I probably would've burst. Kendall and I slowly made our way up to Logan's and my shared room. Kendall peeked inside to check if Logan was there and pulled me in when the coast was clear. I looked around and noticed that a lot of stuff had been moved about. The room was in complete disarray, and there was a red duffel bag sitting on the floor next to Logan's bed, which had been stripped of sheets.

"What's my duffel doing in here?" Kendall picked up the note sitting on top and read it softly aloud to himself.

Kendall-

Logan has decided that he wanted to switch you rooms for a while. Sorry for not talking to you about it, but he insisted. I put all the stuff in your duffel that you would need- clothes for 2 weeks, bed sheets, etc. Your skates are still in the room if you need those though. I hope this works out.

Still love you, James.

Hearing the last four words made my breathing hitch and my motions stop. I had been pushing in the randomly flung open drawers of Logan's dresser, or I guess Kendall's dresser for now, but hearing the word love made my heart sink again. Kendall apparently heard my sniffles, turning his head to look at me and lowering the paper.

"Carlos, you have to be strong, no more crying."

"I know…"

I didn't see Logan for the rest of that day. Or the next one. The next time I saw him was at the recording studio on that Monday. The entire group atmosphere had changed. Logan seemed to be acting really coldly, placing James and Kendall in between us during dance and singing practices, avoiding contact at all costs. His voice sounded extremely different as well. It was usually beautiful, warm, and happy when he was singing, however now it was scratchy and depressed. He didn't talk to anyone the whole time. There was a deadpan stare on his face and his lips were turned downward in a constant unattractive frown.

When we got back to the Palm Woods, he avoided me for the rest of the day, leaving the apartment as soon as we got back, and only coming back when either I was gone or it was time for dinner. At dinner neither he nor I talked at all; I would stare wistfully across the table at him, and he would just look down at his food.

Every so often I would look over to my right and see Kendall and James holding hands above the table, trying to quickly break their grasp when I would look, but every time I saw it still hurt. At least they were trying to be discreet. It wasn't working, but they were trying. They were just trying to stay strong through this… whatever it was. Kendall was being my rock and James was being Logan's since we couldn't be there for each other.

For the entire rest of the week, everything was the same. I was slowly wasting away, yearning for contact with him, but he was never around and if I even saw him and tried to talk to him he would quickly turn and walk away. According to James they had been talking about forgiveness, but things weren't going too smoothly. I felt like I was going to eventually die without him… Hell, I was probably going to kill myself or something, actually having considered it once. I missed him so much it was causing me bodily harm, pains wracking my body every time he gave me the cold shoulder or looked the other way. Kendall and James were worried to see me so lovesick, but there wasn't much they could do other than console me, wipe off the tears that would roll down my face every night, and tell me that everything would end up working out fine.

"Just wait and see," Kendall whispered to me one night, his voice laden with hope. "He'll come around soon enough. I promise." The words put me a little more at ease, and allowed me to actually sleep for the night, hopeful dreams passing through my subconscious.

"Logan, please, hear me out."

"I'm listening… for now."

I stared into his eyes, which were pointed at my own. "How can I show you how sorry I really am? You won't let me try."

"I know how sorry you are."

"Well apologies aren't working, so-"

"Of course a simple apology won't work." He sighed, placing a hand on his forehead and moving his head from side to side, clearly frustrated. "What you don't seem to realize is that this was our first real fight. Sure we've bickered before, but we actually had a fight, and it was a big one. It'll take a lot to make it up to me."

"I'll do anything." I took his hand in mine, slowly rubbing my thumb along the tops of his knuckles. "I need you. I want you back in my life. I really love you."

His stare was blank. "Prove it then."

I worked his words over in my head. How do I truly prove it? The look in his eyes told me that he wanted to have me back as well, but I had to make sure that what I did next really counted. That's when I decided. I slowly leaned forward, stopping when my breath was ghosting over his lips. "This is the only good way to get the point across."

"…Go ahead."

My lips softly touched against his own. And then I waited. No immediate rejection. That's a good sign, right? His eyes fluttered shut, and pink broke out on his pale cheeks.

I didn't move my lips at all until I felt his agreeing to do so, at which point I slowly began to slide them with his. I didn't do anything to stress it; this wasn't a make out session, this was an apology. I was being as submissive and loving as possible. I wanted him back, and I was doing everything to show that. I was making sure that it was the softest, most gentle kiss we had ever shared.

All of my feelings and apologies went into making that kiss count for something, and upon separating I looked at him expectantly. He blushed lightly again, and I waited for him to speak. It was little more than a whisper when it came out. A lopsided half-smile appeared, and his eyes shone happily.

"…I love you too."

The next week I began to see more of him. He actually talked during practices, although not to me. He was actually occasionally around the apartment, although not in the same area as I was. If I was in my room he would be out in the living area, and if I was there he'd be in his room. The pain didn't completely go away, but at least I got to occasionally see him, which lifted something away. He would even smile sometimes, and I was happy to see his pearly whites once again.

The first time he said something to me that week was at the studio. We were in the middle of dance practice, going through the routine for "Oh Yeah". Before the rehearsal James was doing something random with some sort of hair care something or other, and he apparently spilled some on the floor. I was striding into my normal position for the chorus when Logan suddenly yelled at me to watch out. Of course, being buried in my own little world, I got confused and slipped, landing on my ass in front of everyone. James and Kendall laughed, Gustavo and Mr. X seemed annoyed, and Logan just groaned loudly at my stupidity, shaking his head before saying something about going to get some water. I just frowned and stood back up, glaring at the two buffoons that were laughing at my misfortune.

Not many other words were exchanged between the two of us for the next week either; just the customary pleases and thanks yous, occasional hellos, and very sparse conversations about random things that would quickly die due to the awkwardness that was still in the air between us. Neither of us wanted to talk about what had happened, but I still needed to make things right. I wanted Logan fully back in my life; I wanted to experience the same passion we had before. I wanted to be able to love him and have him love me back again; I wanted his warm body beside mine as we fell asleep together.

I also wanted Kendall out of my room. I don't know how James deals with his snoring.

James stopped me on the way to my bedroom one night, gesturing for me to stay for a couple more minutes while the others went to bed. We had just had a movie marathon, and it was Kendall's pick. Gruesome horror isn't really my cup of tea, so I was happy to wait to go to bed so that I would have time to shoo away any nightmares that followed me.

"So what's up?" I quipped, smiling at him while pushing the zombies out of my head.

"Well, I think it's about time that you and Logan made up."

A/N: So yeah, this chapter. I say bad. And short. And choppy. Lucky for you all this is a multi-chapter update because this is an awful place to stop; it's just that the last line is the lead-in to the next chapter. I'm not good at sad, since I don't really know the feeling. I'm blessed in that way, to never really feel sad or be the pessimist.

Also, since I forgot to do this at the beginning- thanks for the reviews from Bone Chills, BadLuckGrl13, Lewkis, irishoreo, sHutUp522, couellette, huyandhieu, and Sum1cooler, and thanks for all the alerts and faves from everyone who gave one!

Meanwhile I've just become an idea factory. I'm cranking out ideas for future chapters of this story and I've come up with three more story ideas just in the course of writing this that I'm going to write down on my phone list and eventually ask you all about. Anyways, thanks for reading, please review, and have a great morning/day/evening (if you're going to stop and not read next chapter that is)!