I promised a reviewer really good goodbye but it didnt work out so im really sorry! enjoy, I dont own Naruto.

I never realised how dirty our- my bedroom ceiling was. It was yellow. Wasn't that painted white? It definitely needed a lick of paint. I lay there on our- my bed and followed the cracks in the roof, the same thing I have been doing since I buried her 48 hours ago. I am angry. Not at the ninjas that killed her or Tsunade who sent her on the god damn mission in the first place or myself for not stopping her when I knew it was so dangerous. I'm angry at her. How could she leave me with a 7 month old daughter? How am I supposed to raise Shika on my own? And keep a roof over our heads? And keep my job as I ninja? I am so full of anger I could burst! She promised me everything would be fine, she said she would be back in a week. Well she did keep that part of her promise. She was back in a week, just not the way I wanted. I was so full of grief I couldn't even cry. The only dry eyes at her funeral were mine. Even Gaara cried a little. If she was there she would have been disappointed that she couldn't call me a crybaby. But she wasn't there and she never will be.

Flashback ( a week and 3 days)

"Shikamaru, will you stop worrying. You sound like a woman" She smirked at me. Motherhood hadn't changed her one bit. She was still the same coarse, dry Temari. She just changed her tone of voice when she was threatening me in front of the baby.

"Be quiet you troublesome woman and go make me a sandwich" I knew I was in trouble when I saw the anger in her eyes but I loved getting her worked up. She was really sexy when she was angry. She glanced at the sleeping baby in her crib. Then Temari jumped at me. She landed on top of me, straddling my hips. She grinned down at me. So I flipped us over so I was on top, pressing down on her. She struggled for a minute then the penny dropped and she realised what I wanted.

"Aww come on, Shikamaru. I don't have time. Please don't tease me" she whined. I smiled at her.

"Okay, if you get up now I will make it worth your while when I get back" she bargained. I pretended to think about it.

"I will even drop the baby off at your parents house for the weekend" she knew she had me. I got up and let out a long sigh as I watched her finish getting ready. I was worried. This mission is really dangerous and its classified, so I don't know any of the major details. I just know my wife is chasing three missing nins that are high on the deadly scale.

"Bye baby," she whispered to Shika "be a good girl for daddy and granny Yoshino." That woman knows me too well. She bent down and kissed Shika's forehead. She stared at her for a few minutes. Then she turned to me. "Bye lazy ass. Try not to dump her on your mother for the whole week" "The thought hadn't even crossed my mind" I lied. She bent to kiss me on the forehead , but I grabbed her wrist, pulled her down on top of me and held her to my chest.

"I will be fine, I promise" she murmured against my neck "I will be back in a week. Try not to burn the house down" She gave me a quick peck on my neck and lips. She got up and left.

Flashback over

My stomach rumbled. I hadn't eaten in the last two days. I couldn't, everything tasted like ash. I got up to go to the kitchen anyway. On my way there I passed all the pictures that me and Mari hung up together. Now they seemed so different. I stopped at our wedding photograph. It was me and Mari surrounded by the Kohona 12. Temari's two brothers were in their too. We were grinning happily at the camera. The first of our friends to get married at 19 and 21. You could just about see Temari's baby bump. We had to get married before it became too obvious. Not that we cared but my mother is very pushy. The picture next to that is one of Temari, Shika and I just after Shika was born. We looked so excited and happy. I would say it broke my heart but I had no heart to break. I'm sure it was ripped out when she died. I feel numb. Then there is Temari's favourite picture. Well it was her favourite picture. It's of me and Shika asleep on the sofa. Shika is lay on my bare chest with her head turned towards the camera. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Which is all the time. She has her little hand wrapped around my index finger. And we are smiling in our sleep. I turned my back on the pictures and walked down the stairs. I got some instant ramen out of the pantry and added the boiling water. I just had to wait for it to cook. I let myself think of her.

Flashback (4 days ago)

They were supposed of sent a message by now. Telling us if they were okay and if the mission was a success. They were supposed to be home by now. I was running through the trees with Kiba, Akamaru, Hinata and Shino. Trying to find them. Trying to find her. She is okay, she is okay, she promised she would come back, she is fine, she probably forgot about sending a message. I was so busy reassuring myself, I didn't notice my comrades stiffen. They slowed down. I stopped dead. "what did you find?" I asked, my voice a lot stronger than I felt. Something was wrong.

"Blood, a lot of it" Kiba replied inspecting his shoe.

"Well lets get a move on" I growled. Now I was really worried. We came to a dense part of the forest and Hinata gasped. Tears filled her eyes and she pointed to the west. I ran through the trees. I could hear Kiba telling me to come back but I couldn't stop. I finally broke through the trees into a clearing. There was so much blood. It was everywhere. Then I saw them. They were hung from the trees by their wrists, gagged and had their ankles tied together. They were covered in blood. I cut Temari down first. She was stone cold and had a kunai hanging out of her heart. There were no signs of torture. She had been killed instantly. Thank Kami. Then I noticed my team inspecting two guys on the ground. I could see it in my head, they had killed two of the three but were too tired to take down the third. Poor Mari, she hated failing a mission. We cut the other three down. I didn't even know their names. I picked up my wife, her head resting on my neck. Kiba took one on his back and Akamaru took the other two. We set off for home. I realised when we were half way home that Temari wasn't breathing. My wife was dead. That's when my heart was ripped out. The pain was so bad I passed out. When I woke up I was back in my own bed. A note on the bedside table told me

Shika was staying at my mothers house until a few days after the funeral.

Flashback over

A knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts. I wasn't sure if I should answer but then I realised I cant hide forever. I sighed as I unlocked the bolt and chain. It was Kurenai, Asuma jr and Shika. I opened the door wider and went back into the kitchen. She followed me.

"What am I going to do?" I asked. She was the only one who I could ask and get a honest answer.

"You are going keep your chin up and get through this because your baby needs you" She replied, handing me Shika. She and Asuma gave me a hug and left. I looked at Shika.

"Looks like its just me and you baby" I murmured into her hair. She gave a little whimper but fell asleep soon as I started to rock her. I picked up my ramen and a few case files and brought them upstairs with us. I went to put Shika in her crib but I couldn't leave her in the nursery so I put her in bed with me. I ate my ramen and flicked through the files but Shika kept distracting me so I threw them on the floor and curled around my daughter. For the first time in four days I slept peacefully.