Obsidian and Cobalt: I'm glad you like it =) and thanks =) It kills me to do this to Tsubomi, but I can't imagine them realistically getting together without any Hikari drama =P
Shadow Apparation: Don't worry, they'll fix their problems eventually…I just have to think of a good storyline for it =)
MalokaiKuhlua: Sorry sorry ;) And good luck with that, by the way =)
Huggler: Yeah, Hikari is coming off pretty bitchy, but I think a lot of her just doesn't know how to react to what she's feeling, and she's used to getting her way (ex. Her idol became her gf). Also, I was actually going to have Chikaru and Tamao kiss there, but I find that when I'm READING a fic, I like suspense and stuff, so I decided to try that out =)
Kaze Rei: It actually depends on your interpretation of the characters. And the way I perceive her character, I don't see Hikari as wanting to admit she was afraid, especially since she is now trying to have Yaya to herself. And about Tamao's reaction, I kind of see her as being protective of other people's emotions because she wasn't able to protect her own. The major thing with Yaya and Hikari was that for once I tried to be more realistic instead of romantic- the reality is that Yaya would have been too shocked to do much of anything besides follow her instincts, which had been telling her to go after Hikari for a long time. You have to keep in mind that in dialogue, it's the character's beliefs, not the author's. Hikari decided to lie because of her feelings, not because I believed she wasn't afraid.
RomanticVulcanolight: Never fear- the YayaXTsubomi will go on! Looking back on it, the last chapter wasn't done too well, or at least as far as explaining everything went, apparently. Anyway, I just wanted to get Yaya's feelings for Hikari out of the way.
Stavri: I will =)
I hope Tsubomi's feelings came across as strong- I took advantage of my depressed mood and wrote her portion of the chapter before I lost it. I wasn't depressed for the same reasons, but I usually have trouble writing sad portions when I'm not just as upset as the character.
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How Can You See With Your Eyes Closed?
Chapter Twelve: Mistakes We Make
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"Hey, Miyuki," Shizuma said, slumping down onto the couch beside the blunette, thrusting an arm over her shoulder in a friendly gesture. At least, friendly for Shizuma, that was. "It feels like forever since we've really talked."
"That's because it has been," Miyuki said with a small smile when she saw the sheepishly guilty look on Shizuma's face. "Since before the Etoile elections, when you…" She broke off, the memory of the night still raw in her mind. That, and Shion had just walked through the door, her expression already switched from blank to suspicious in less than a second. The blonde quickly crossed the room and sat on Miyuki's other side, not-so-subtly wrapping an arm around the blunette's waist and pulling her away from Shizuma.
"When she what?" Shion murmured into Miyuki's ear, her eyes flashing with mild concern, never leaving Shizuma's. "What happened?"
"Nothing," Miyuki said quickly, to which Shion quickly responded with a single raised eyebrow. She sighed and pressed her fingers to her temples. "Listen, Shion, it was forever ago, and I didn't even start it." She was too tired to try and handle Shion's pride at the moment.
Shion frowned. "What was forever ago?" she asked, her gaze shifting to her fiancée, her right arm tightening around Miyuki's waist. "Koi?" she whispered when Miyuki didn't reply, and the blunette felt her heart break in her chest. The kiss with Shizuma was nothing for her to be ashamed of- it had happened far before she'd known about Shion's feelings for her.
Shizuma smirked. "We kissed." Miyuki felt Shion instantly tense beside her, and she shot Shizuma an accusatory glare. Olive eyes widened in confusion before flickering to a suddenly irate blonde. "Okay, whoa," she said, trying to defuse the situation before it began. "I thought you knew we kissed."
"You kissed me, Shizuma," Miyuki growled, running a hand up and down Shion's forearm in hopes to calm the blonde. "And I slapped her for it," she added in a quieter tone to the fuming blonde to her left. "It was before the Etoile election."
Shion gritted her teeth, the hand around Miyuki's waist tightening. As if she hadn't had enough to be worried about from Shizuma already. It wasn't as if she didn't know of Miyuki's feelings for her, but now, knowing that they had actually kissed…she was already threatened by the previous Etoile as it was. Unconsciously she pulled Miyuki closer, until the blunette's head was resting beneath her chin, and she met Shizuma's apologetic gaze with a challenging glare.
Miyuki sighed and pushed her away, leaving Shion looking mortally wounded. "It was nothing," she said, running a hand through the Spican's fine blonde hair. "I didn't even start it."
Shion suddenly growled and pulled Miyuki down until their lips met in a rough, possessive kiss, her fingers tangled in the blunette's hair.
Miyuki's eyes widened and she stood there, shocked for several seconds before she pushed away and her hand connected with the blonde's cheek. There was a resounding smack, and Miyuki stood back, breathing deeply, her lips bruised by the contact. Shion sat there, eyes wide, her hand pressed to her cheek, and Shizuma looked as if she was sorry she said anything at all. "Miyuki…" Shion began, turning hurt eyes on the blunette.
"You're being ridiculous," she snapped at the blonde. "I don't appreciate being used for your personal ego trip, or whatever that was." Miyuki growled in frustration and stormed out of the room only to run directly into a panicking Yaya.
The girl gently righted Miyuki and looked around the hallway frantically. "Have you seen Tsubomi?" she asked, her eyes flashing with worry, guilt and a little bit of confusion. "I can't find her anywhere."
"I heard what happened between you two, and I really don't think it's a good idea for-"
Yaya groaned. "I get it, okay?" she said, her mood instantly shifting. "I don't even need to talk to her right now- I just want to make sure she's safe." The truth was written plainly across Yaya's face, and Miyuki sighed.
"I can't tell you where she is, but I promise you she's safe," Miyuki said before brushing past the dumbfounded and now very hurt looking Yaya. She could only imagine the feeling- her maybe-girlfriend trusted a girl she didn't even know more than she trusted her. But it wasn't Miyuki's place to say anymore, so she turned and headed up the stairs to alert a certain pinkette and clear her head.
PGBR
It hurt.
It felt strange, almost like an out-of-body experience as she lay there, curled up on Shion and Miyuki's bed. The cold air breezed over her and settled into her pores, but she made no move to slip under the covers. The ache in her stomach was a dull, constant thing, as if someone were kneading her organs like play dough, but it felt somehow lessened by the pain in her heart.
Hours later, the sobs had long-since left Tsubomi's body, and she was reduced to lying there, unable to sleep but unable to move, every so often rubbing away a stray tear and holding back more when Yaya's image came to mind. She had never realized just how alone she was without Yaya- who else did she even talk to? Hikari, maybe, but she was the better half of the problem, and all Tsubomi felt like doing was punching her in her pretty, angelic face.
And how the hell was she supposed to compete with an angel, anyway?
She was just contemplating this when a knock sounded at the door and Miyuki slipped in, looking tired. Tsubomi drew herself into a sitting position. "Sorry, I forgot this wasn't my room," she said in a rush, brushing a few stray tears away.
"No, that's fine," Miyuki said, shaking her head. "I just came to tell you that Nanto-san is looking for you." Tsubomi tensed. "Not that I'm going to tell her where you are- this is probably the last place she'd suspect. But I just thought you should know. She seems very upset." Awkwardly, Miyuki lowered herself onto the bed beside Tsubomi- this was more Chikaru's thing than her own, but she couldn't just leave the broken-hearted pinkette there.
Tsubomi gave a weak laugh. "Upset that she was caught, maybe," she muttered, her voice hoarse from the crying. "But I can't see Yaya-chan being upset that it happened, especially the way that it did. She's been waiting for it for almost two years, after all." The pinkette took a shuddering breath, her arms locked around her knees. "And the worst part is, I can't blame her at all. If I were with another girl, and suddenly Yaya wanted me back, I wouldn't have done anything to stop her. Because I love her."
PGBR
"It's late, Tamao-chan," Chikaru said, reaching over and plucking the poetry book from the blunette's hands with a gentle smile. "We should get to sleep."
Tamao's face flushed at the prospect of actually sharing a bed with Chikaru, knowing that one way or another, they were going to end up cuddled together. It had been one thing with Nagisa, where Tamao felt more like a mother figure than anything else, but her stomach flipped every time Chikaru so much as smiled at her, and she'd never had to deal with that with Nagisa. To be honest, it terrified her.
Slowly she allowed herself to lean back against the pillows, her back still partially upright until Chikaru tugged her into a lying down position. "Sleep, Tamao-chan," she said with a gentle smile. She rolled onto her side and wrapped an arm around Tamao's waist.
Tamao blushed heavily, but at the same time her eyelids instantly began to droop, and she could herself curling in towards Chikaru's warm body, the older girl gracefully accepting the new contact, tightening her arms around the blunette's waist. A small voice in the back of Tamao's mind wondered if she should let herself be so open with Chikaru after all that had happened with Nagisa, but she pushed it back as she had done for so long already. She heard Chikaru sigh contentedly and felt the older girl bury her face in her hair, all the while trying to ignore the shivers the contact sent down her spine.
She's not Nagisa, she's not Nagisa, she's…
Tamao blinked.
She's not Nagisa.
PGBR
"Miyuki…"
"Go to sleep, Shion," the blunette said wearily, rolling onto her side and pulling the blankets closer- her nightgown was hardly enough to keep her warm in the fifty degree temperature of the cabin.
She heard a sigh and felt the mattress depress close to her hip as the blonde sunk onto the bed beside her. "I'm sorry, koi," Shion said quietly, sounding as though she might cry if Miyuki continued to brush her off. "I just…you know how I get when I feel…" She sighed. "It was bad enough that I had to watch out for that bastard you were going to be marrying as well as Shizuma, and when I heard she kissed you I just kind of…lost it," she finished in a mumble, staring down at her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry if it bothers you that I get so possessive but…it's in my nature, Miyuki. I can't help it."
Miyuki sighed and sat up sleepily, wrapping her arms around Shion's small waist. "I know," she murmured, burying her face into the crook of the Spican's neck and feeling Shion's head come to rest on top of her own. "I should have told you before, I knew Shizuma was going to let it slip eventually. Just…let's forget it, okay? There's enough drama already." She felt Shion nod against her head. "Good." Miyuki slid back under the covers, leaving enough room for the blonde to slip in beside her.
To her surprise, Shion slid as close as she could to the blunette, spooning her from behind. Neither one of them was much for cuddling, but Miyuki didn't mind the contact- Shion was probably still feeling threatened, despite their talk. If there was one thing she'd learned about the Spican in all of the ten years she'd known her, it was that Shion's pride was her one constant, and when it was wounded, it took quite a bit of coddling to get it back to the way it was before.
PGBR
It was a quarter to midnight when the door to Tsubomi and Amane's room creaked open and a shadowy figure slipped in. The pinkette reflexively burrowed deeper into the covers, knowing exactly who the figure was. She went completely still as she heard Amane shift from her position on the floor and stand to greet Yaya, her ears perking so that she could hear the whispered conversation.
A slight ruffling noise- Yaya must have been rubbing the back of her neck. "Look, can you please switch rooms with me?" Tsubomi tensed.
"I don't think that's the best idea right now," Amane replied, a shuffling noise indicating that she was subtly trying to get Yaya away as quickly as possible. "I know what hap-"
A growl, this time, and a stomped foot. Tsubomi almost giggled. "The whole damn house knows what happened, Ootori," Yaya hissed. "That doesn't mean that A, I don't regret what happened and want a chance to explain it to my girlfriend, or B, I want her sharing a room with another girl!"
Tsubomi wasn't sure whether to scoff or swoon at this.
"Maybe she felt the same way," Amane replied in her quiet baritone, not really protesting, but not really agreeing either. "You didn't really think about that before."
Yaya's voice was a low growl. "You've got no right to preach to me, Prince," she spat. "You stole Hikari from me, and now that I've finally gotten over her, you want to steal my princess?" A scoff, this time. "I don't fucking think so."
Tsubomi swore her heart stopped in her chest. Over Hikari? Princess?
"I'm not going to stop you," Amane finally said, "but I don't think this is a good idea."
"Screw what you think is a good idea, horse-lover," Yaya snapped, her tone dripping with unconcealed hatred. "Go and find Hikari- she'll want you back within a few days anyway."
There was a shuffle, and a soft click, and suddenly a sense of exhilaration mixed with fear pooled in Tsubomi's stomach. The bed dipped beside her, causing her thighs to make contact with Yaya's back. A gentle hand brushed over her cheek, and she shivered involuntarily, causing Yaya to jerk back, startled. "You're awake."
"No I'm not," Tsubomi muttered, rolling onto her other side. "You're dreaming."
"I'm sorry, Tsubomi."
"For what?" Tsubomi asked in a hoarse whisper. "For kissing her back? Or for breaking my heart?"
She felt Yaya flinch and took a small pleasure from that fact. "Both," Yaya finally said. Before Tsubomi could speak again, she added, "I really do regret it- all of it. I never got any closure from her and it just…I was really surprised and it was like a natural instinct or something and I'm just digging myself a bigger hole now. Look, I'm awful with feelings and shit and I just want you to know that it's you, Tsubomi- it's always going to be you."
"I'm not just going to take you back," Tsubomi mumbled into the thick comforter. "I'm not that stupid, contrary to what Yaya-sempai seems to believe."
"Back to sempai, then?" The response was a stony silence. "That's fair, I guess," Yaya mumbled as if she didn't want to admit it. "Please just…just give me a chance to prove my feelings," she said in a pleading tone. "I don't expect you to take me back right away but I do want you, and I'm not just going to let you slip through my fingers again. Even if you say no, I won't give up."
"I know you won't," Tsubomi grumbled. Sighing, she pulled herself into a sitting position. "Fine, you can try. Whatever. Just go to sleep for now, okay?"
Yaya glanced down at the floor. "Do I have to…?"
"I have a feeling you'd just wake up in the bed even if you tried," the pinkette muttered dryly. "No, just get in bed and shut up before I strangle you."
More heat pooled in the bottom of Tsubomi's stomach as Yaya crawled over her and slipped into bed only a hairs' breath away. "This isn't exactly what I meant," Tsubomi groused half-heartedly. But at least for the moment her heart had stopped aching quite so badly- there was nothing Yaya could possibly do, short of reaching in and ripping the organ right out of her chest, that would break her heart any more than she already had. Tsubomi really had nothing to lose, especially if Yaya decided to stay true to her word.
So we've established that I can't write angst worth a damn- hopefully you enjoyed it anyway! I promise the next chapter will be better =)